Warning: Tonight, I’m going to be writing about the four-letter “P-Word” that makes everyone squirm.

Porn.

I read a really scary statistic today. It said that for just one porn site, 81 million people visit it per day. Per DAY! 81 million people! And that’s for just one of the thousands of websites out there. That’s close to 30 billion visits per year.

Does that shock anyone else?

I heard it and nearly fell out of my chair.

I’m going to share something with you that may be surprising.

I’ve never actually seen porn.

Sure, I’ve had those spammy pop up ads aggressively attack my computer screen, but I’ve been so startled that I just click out and try not to burn my retinas.

But just because I don’t watch it, doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions about it.

And spoiler alert…I have a lot of them.

But first, I want to start out by saying that, just because I don’t struggle with porn addiction doesn’t make me a saint. You know my history – during my anorexia I lied, manipulated, lashed out and deceived like a veritable deviant. So just because my browser history is clean doesn’t mean my past record is. So please don’t read this from a “holier than thou” standpoint. I am in no way judging what is a very real struggle for a lot of people.

We’re in a sad sad state of reality these days. Yes, that statistic was jarring, but let’s be honest…was anyone really *that* surprised?

Because frankly, I wasn’t.

Being a twenty-something single in the dating scene, it’s pretty much a well-known fact that every guy watches porn. Not just sometimes. On a regular basis.

That, is the heart-sinking state of our generation.

And the worst part? Is that it’s not even considered sad or even taboo. Porn is not something that people are even blinking an eye at anymore…it’s considered normal. Heck, what’s abnormal, or even something to be ashamed of, is if you’re a single guy and NOT looking at porn.

Now, I want to pause and say that I know that porn addiction is definitely something that women struggle with too. And I don’t want to diminish that either.

But this is simply from the perspective of a single young woman, navigating the dating pool of young men, most of whom regularly consume pornographic material.

I am a virgin. You know this. I’m not ashamed of it. In truth, I celebrate the fact that I will be able to give that gift to my husband one day.

And even though I feel incredibly mocked and laughed at and judged by society for that decision, I completely respect other people’s decisions when it comes to their love life. To each his own. No judgement here.

But obviously, there is a lot about sex that I don’t know. Not only from lack of experience, (duh!) but also – I am not well versed in “porn.” And honestly, thank God for that.

But I think that’s how a lot of kids get into porn. A curiosity of the “how to,” logistical aspect of sex leads them into the dark world of porn, where they’re exposed to aggressive sexual behavior and twisted fetishes and down the rabbit hole it goes. Couple that with an obsession with the behavior one typically partakes in while watching porn, it’s no wonder that so many people struggle with a true addiction to it.

I’m going to be honest: knowing that my future husband will have most likely watched porn, it terrifies me. Not from a judgement standpoint. Or from a fearing-for-the-state-of-his-soul standpoint. But honestly…from the state of an insecure girl, fearing that I will never be “enough” for him.

Sex is a beautiful thing. I mean, the very first commandment God gave Adam and Eve was to “Be fruitful and multiply.” And he wasn’t talking about tending the Garden of Eden, either.

It is the most intimate expression of love. And the thing about porn, is that it has taken that good and beautiful thing, and stripped it of its dignity and purpose (love and procreation), and deduces it to a brash tool to be used for selfish gain.

It literally objectifies women, and perverts a sacred union between man and woman, in order to satiate the lustful appetite the porn industry, and society, are pandering to at a younger and younger age.

This isn’t some book report on the harmful effects of porn. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to realize that, Yeah, if guys watch super sexually aggressive porn, they’re more likely to act out aggressively. Or that, Hey, if guys spend hours and hours in front of porn, that they’re not going to perform as well in person. Or that, Yeah – the porn industry is one of the leading perpetrators of human trafficking. Those are sadly common sense. And I’m not here to bore you with stats and figures.

This is about me damnit.

Just kidding.

But how is a girl supposed to compete with that?

How is a virgin supposed to compete with the fake boobed, fake lipped, butt implanted, false eyelashed, oiled up, plastically reconstructed, porn stars?

Not that I want to, but it just…I’m going to feel like a cloistered nun taking off her chastity belt and screwing in a long-sleeved, turtle neck night gown. Not exactly the look you’re going for on your wedding night.

Porn is killing love.

But more than that, it is killing our dignity as children of God.

Because that’s the thing: we were created to love and be loved. God is love. And has placed in us the incredible desire to be seen fully, and loved fully. We were made to be cherished, as a refection of His beauty, and expression of His craftsmanship. And as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are to respect one another and protect and defend the dignity we all possess as children of God. That is what love is: wanting the best for someone else. Porn does the exact opposite of all those things: exploiting one another for our own pleasure.

In my research for this post, I found out about an incredible resource for those struggling with porn addiction. It’s called Covenant Eyes. It was recommended by Fr. Mike Schmitz. Basically it’s an accountability software that, once or twice a week, emails your browser history to a trusted friend in your life: your accountability partner.

One thing I learned in my recovery from another type of addiction: anorexia, is that addiction thrives in secrecy. But it cannot exist in the light. So I pray that if you or a loved one is struggling with porn addiction, that you a) know that God loves you no matter what, and wants to help you break this cycle of addiction. And b) you can shine a big ol’ spotlight on this darkness, and root it out once and for all.

Because we were created by love, for love.

Let’s not let porn kill love.

This post was made possible by my wonderful sponsor, Audible. Listening to audiobooks is literally my new favorite thing. I can grow my brain while I cook, run errands, take a walk, am on my commute. And just for you, they’re offering a Free 30-Day Trial Membership. And with this free membership, you’re going to get 2 free audiobooks! Literally. Free. It is the best deal ever. And if for some reason, you decide it’s not for you, you can cancel within those 30 days and it’s zero money out of your pocket, plus, you get to keep the 2 audiobooks. Soooo…it’s pretty much a no brainer. This is a free and easy way to support this blog! So thank you!! 

And if you’re looking for more resources on this topic, why not listen to the Audible audiobook, The Porn Myth by Matt Fradd. It’s an incredible resource, written by a faithful man, presenting a non-religious argument debunking the myths we believe about porn. I listened to a bunch of his podcasts in prep for this post and they are so powerful! (And all the proceeds of his book go to the charity, Children of the Immaculate Heart, which helps support survivors of human trafficking).

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