A Facebook Gut Punch

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I did something I’m not proud of last night.

I don’t know if this ever happens to you, but sometimes, I find myself in what I like to call, The Facebook Time Suck.

You know what I’m talking about: It’s late; you definitely should be asleep already; your phone is on 15% battery life; and you’re just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling through Social Media. And pretty soon, you find yourself on your elementary school crush’s wife’s Facebook page, looking at their engagement photos from 4 years ago, and you just. can’t. look. away. 

Very rarely do I fall into that trap. My life is typically way to hectic crazy for that…especially now that I’ve committed to making daily videos for my newsletter.

But last night, being that I’m home in Ohio now for Christmas, with a bit more time on my hands, I found myself late into the evening on the Facebook page of…several of my sorority sisters from college.

Now, if you’ve followed this blog for a while, you will know that, aside from my anorexia, that season of my life in the sorority was probably the second darkest period of my life.

Just a 30 second recap: I was the President of my sorority. And then in a publicly humiliating episode where I was stripped down to my sports bra and undies in front of the whole chapter, I was forced to “step down” from my position as President. They rejected the sisterhood I was amplifying. And they didn’t appreciate the higher standard I was subtly calling our chapter to — upholding the Christian values that the sorority itself was founded upon. Those values didn’t really line up with the binge drinking brothel that they wanted to create instead. A wonderful experience of 3 years of beautiful friendships and fun memories, in the blink of an eye, turned…just like that.

I’m not bitter, I promise.

But actually, I’ve really worked hard to find forgiveness in my heart, not just for the college-aged girls, but for the 40 and 50 year old women in charge of the national organization, who not only should know better, but should be striving to build young women up instead of seeking to tear them down.

But one of the ways I have worked on forgiveness and moving on, is that I do not follow any of those people on social media. I don’t want to be shown their faces on a daily basis, and be reminded of that time of pain in my life. It brings me back to a bad head space.

But, last night…I fell into the insatiable trap of curiosity.

And 45 minutes later, I’m up to my eyeballs in profiles, and wedding albums, and learning that frankly…not much had changed with those girls.

And feeling my chest tighten with unhealthy feelings, I finally, snapped out of it, turned off my phone and audibly said to myself, “Care, you need to get a life. This is not good for you.”

That night, as I was prepping for my Oh What a Beautiful Morning! video, the Bible verses that came up were exactly what I needed to hear. I’m telling you – once you start making reading your bible a daily practice, it is amazing how God truly speaks to you, and gives you exactly what you need to hear.

I mean, I grew up knowing that scripture is the “Word of God,” but only now am I realizing that, it really is. It’s His words, to you.

So I open up the page and find this little gem: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.” Proverbs 4:23

I actually gave a chuckle, reading that. I was envisioning God, peering over his Santa Claus-esq spectacles, wagging his finger at me, going…Now, now, now, Caralyn. Don’t you be doin’ that, young lady. You know better than to be digging up skeletons on Facebook!

I kind of rolled my eyes: Well played, God. Well played.

But then I look down to find this warm hug from my Father: “He has made everything beautiful in His time.” Eccl 3:11

And this, friends, was exactly what I needed to read after my destructive little Facebook Time Suck.

Sure, that season was unpleasant. There were many, many tears, and to say that it was an exercise in humility would be the understatement of the century.

However, God never let that pain go to waste. And last night, He challenged me to consider how, in fact, He has made it beautiful.

I honestly blacked out in my memory the majority of that tumultuous closing of that chapter. But I do remember, after all the smoke cleared and dust settled, being back at home, my mom and I were both lying in my bed looking up at the ceiling, having one of our infamous mother-daughter talks before bed, like we did every night of my childhood, and she said something to me that I’ll never forget.

She said, “Just shake the dust off.”

And of course, she was referring to Matthew 10:14 – “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”

But that’s exactly what I did, and never looked back.

I chose to leave behind that toxic situation, and move on. I moved to the Big Apple not knowing a soul, and built a beautiful community, full of people that love me and value the person I am. My friends here are like family, and the road we’re traveling on is exciting, and fulfilling and affirming.

I’ve chased my dreams. Built a desktop ministry that I can be proud of. And grown in my relationship with God in an incredibly personal and tangible way.

That season really shaped the trajectory of my life thus far.

But that’s not all.

Looking back, I realized just how much it shaped who I am.

That whole debacle taught me to value and treasure loyalty. After 3 years, building friendships with girls I thought were my friends – traveling with them, sharing hearts and laughter, joys and break ups, only to have them turn their backs when your spotlight “goes out” – it really singed my heart. And made me see the beauty of true, loyal, people.

But more, God has helped me grow from that pain. And solidified in my heart a dependence on God, as shelter, friend, and hope. As comforter, consoler, and teacher of trust, resilience, and humility.

He has made everything beautiful in His time.

Because the most beautiful thing to come out of that pain, was the young woman I became, from growing through it.

And for that, I am grateful.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

195 thoughts on “A Facebook Gut Punch”

  1. As I read your post, I kept thinking about Romans 8:28 and how God causes all things to work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to his purposes. Included in the all things are the painful experiences. I have had many of those myself that helped lead me to be who I am today. God has blessed you with the opportunity to share his love in many ways. That is a deeply rich treasure. 🙂

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    1. Hi there friend, thank you so much for your kind words. Yes! I love that verse from Romans. thanks for the support 🙂 big hugs to you xox

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  3. I love this, as I can relate with my own dark moments of my past. I believe that God has allowed my memory to blackout much of a period of time in my life to protect me (because I’m a dweller; on people, circumstances, etc lol). However, every now and then certain memories are triggered that will suck me back in, but ultimately, I think the Lord uses those moments to show me how far he’s brought me from that time. It’s a beautiful reflection of his grace and the good that is working in our lives. ❤️

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    1. hi friend, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I feel ya there! and amen to that – it shows how far He’s brought you! love that so much. hugs xox

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  4. My dear Beauty, I don’t really have anything to respond with on tonight’s post other than a “Well done, you!” No, tonight I just want to give thanks for our friendship of the last, what two years? NO! THREE years!!! I give thanks for your trust, for meeting with me, for allowing me to barge into your blog with my rants, for teaching me, for being that wonderful Tiffany lamp with God’s light inside.

    Tonight as I sit here, realizing that Christmas is just a few days away, I just want to say thank you for your friendship and to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas!

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    1. Thank you Jeff, aw, this brought a smile to my face. Wow, three years! That’s just awesome. I am so grateful for you, dear friend. I can always count on you for sage advice, wisdom and guidance, with just the right amount of dad humor, and “tell-it-to-me-straight-ness.” And I will always be grateful to you for being there for me in prayer and heart that night of my mom’s stroke. Thank you for that. I will never forget your generosity and friendship when I needed it most. Merry merry Christmas Jeff. I pray that your Christmas be filled with love and joy and togetherness with your loved ones 🙂 And send extra special Christmas love to Julie 🙂 oxox

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  5. Wow. This is just what I needed to read right now. I’ve been through some hard times too, and lately they’ve been haunting me. I too value loyalty above all else, and I appreciate close friends more than anything else that could ever come along. I’m so glad you and I have both found that in our lives! It’s painful to develop the discernment to see that the people around you lack the gratitude for others that you feel. 😦 Worst awareness ever. I’ve gone down the … what did you call it? … facebook suck path? myself, and I’ve also found people unchanged. It leads me to wonder that the brightest among us strive for self-improvement, whereas the less motivated just keep living the way they are with no concern for deeper truths. Thanks for your post tonight!! 🙂

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    1. Hi Meg, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m sorry this hit so close to home for you. Amen to that – close friends are the best. Sending you so much love, dear friend! xox

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  6. Funny you mention Facebook, I just started my page to promote my blog! Until 4 days ago I have never once had a Facebook page. I’ve already realized that people can be very negative and give way to much information but at the same time I realized that I control what I want people to know about me and I won’t get sucked into being on there all the time. Hard being a private person and wanting to promote yourself and being a writer!

    I love how honest you always are about your life. I cannot Express that enough! It makes your followers feel closer to you and realize that we have all problems and we can all relate, help, and encourage each other.

    God is good and he has this amazing way of tapping out shoulder when we need to snap out of something.

    Struggles make us stronger humans and make us appreciate life more.

    Thank you for sharing and I’m Glad God has stepped into your life and that you started this ministry!

    You touch many lives 😍😍🙌🙌

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    1. Hey Lane! Congrats on the page launch! yeah, there’s a lot of negativity out there, but it can also be a great way to keep in touch with loved ones too 🙂 That is very true! and thank you so much for your kind words 🙂 Amen – God is a great shoulder tapper 🙂 hahaha I loved this response – you’ve given me much to think about. big big hugs to you dear friend xox

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      1. You’re very welcome my friend! I am a huge fan of yours. It is my pleasure to read your post 💕💕. And thank you. We’ll see how Facebook goes for me 😏. Have a wonderful blessed weekend and a fantastic Christmas 🎄🎄🎁❄🎁🎄

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    1. Thank you so much Ryan, yeah my mom is pretty spot on with pretty much everything in life. haha thanks for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  8. I am sure it’s a challenge to need to work and to be the adept creator that you are while handling the holidays. It is, of course, a change of circumstances that go with it.

    Not that long ago, my seventy-year-old father mentioned a reflection on sin that had affected him. He doesn’t usually say too much about that business, although he is a weekly churchgoer.

    I enjoy the tact you take with your blog, and it is a pleasure for me to drop by and see what you’re saying. Interesting!

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    1. Hi Odell, thank you so much for your kind words about my blog! I love the wisdom we can glean from our parents. hugs xo

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  13. Wow you write so beautifully! I too have fallen into the facebook gut punch especially this time of year having down time. I agree that it’s so important to “shake the dust off’ and to remove things from our lives that are not adding positivity. Thank you so much for sharing 🙂

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    1. oh my goodness, thank you so much Nicki! Yeah, especially around Christmas and Thanksgiving, it is easy to get sucked into social media. yes! hugs xox

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  14. Caralyn, you have so much wisdom packed in this post. Forgive, shake off the dust and keep moving towards your goals. You are comfortable being who you are and honest about it. Always love stopping by. Hugs and love! xoxo

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    1. oh my goodness, thank you so much my dear friend. I was pretty nervous publishing this one, so I appreciate your kindness and support. hugs xox

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  15. This is so true! I’ve had people I was very close to that I’ve had to let go of bc of past sins that pose a threat to my family. And there have been times that I have wondered how they were doing, but I’ve learned that actively entertaining that curiosity does me no good. I just pray for them when I feel the need, and then put it all in God’s hands. Thanks for the reminder.

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    1. Hi there friend. thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. I love that! Yes – pray and put it in God’s hands! hugs xo

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  16. Ok C Great job! I’m sure this will resonate with lots of folks as it did me (although a bit more of a dude version:) )

    I know i share a lot of Andy Stanley stuff with you but he and his wife have some material I love around this topic that they call the comparison trap. Hope you get a chance to check it out ! 🙂

    https://yourmove.is/episode/ep1-the-land-of-er-2/
    https://store.northpoint.org/products/comparison-trap-devotional

    You can’t genuinely love someone whom you secretly hope will fail. You can’t genuinely love someone
    whom you’re pushing to meet a standard so you can feel better about yourself. There’s no win in
    comparison. There’s never a finish line or sense of satisfaction.

    Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.
    Ecclesiastes 4:6

    J

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    1. Hi J! oh gosh, thank you so much. I do love Andy Standley’s message! I look forward to checking out his post! thanks for passing it along! so true!! big hugs and merry christmas! xox

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  17. We all fall into traps, and most of the time we do not see it coming. The good news is that you were convicted, and you changed your ways. It is a learning experience. Some traps are set by our so-called godly friends. Then you have those who say that they never fall into traps, but they do not realize that they are in a trap. It is also nice to see that you have a mother who encourages you as opposed to those who are quick to condemn.

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    1. Thank you JB, you bring up a lot of powerful food for thought here. oh yes – my mom is my biggest cheerleader 🙂 big hugs xo

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  19. Regardless of where the traps are, they are there before us … Facebook, life, death, illness, relationships, friendships, choices… We see the light only after the darkest moments. Grace under pressure (like a diamond) and walk away from it looking for love, wisdom, kindness & purpose. You’ve moved towards that, not stayed stuck.

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    1. I think you’re right about that. thanks so much Tony. Gosh, I am so touched by your kind words. haha – yeah, I don’t quite fit the mold! xox

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  21. Oh my, I’m so sorry to hear that story about the sorority. What an awful experience. I’ve never been a huge Greek person. Too much hazing, bullying, slave labor as freshmen to benefit the seniors, why pay for friends? I don’t know, it just wasn’t my thing I guess. Your experience sounds dreadful. I’m sorry. But like you said, dust off your feet and move on. And you did. Congratulations! Reid

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  22. I’m with you! Each day I ask God to help me trust more, be more resilient, and exhibit a genuine humility. We’re all a work in progress: Human, fallible, and prone to lapses in good sense. But we’re not hopeless. God helps us “snap out of it” and shut the darn phone/computer/iPad off and go to bed! ❤ God bless you. ❤

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  23. That was an awful experience, one that any organization would be hard pressed to justify allowing to happen. Wow.

    That said, your post is interesting to me, as I’ve just had a comparable discussion with a close friend over the idea of forgiveness and moving on. It is very difficult for me to let some of my past go – things I’ve done and said, as well as things that were said and done to me – and as of late, it’s all been weighing rather heavily on me. My friend’s response is that like any other container, the space within us is finite, and if we fill it with negativity, we take away space that God would otherwise use to fill us with His blessings. If we are to receive the blessings He has prepared for us, therefore, we need to let go of those things within that are of no value.

    It is not easy to let that kind of hurt go, believe me. But I’m trying, and seeing how your post is the third time this week I’ve received this very message, I’m coming to the conclusion that God wants me to let it go, too!

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    1. thank you so much for your support. I really appreciate you sharing your story. I will definitely keep you and that situation in my prayers 🙂 hugs to you xo

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  25. This is such a beautiful and heartfelt story. It really ministered to me and some situations in my own life. Thank you so much for your honesty in sharing. Love and hugs. xox ❤

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  28. You wrote this at a very good time, especially when I needed encouragement. I have stayed off of Facebook for 8 months and haven’t given in, and even now its especially tempting being home for Christmas. Also, being in my hometown has sparked some curiosity of my own, where I have these urges to look up old crushes, mean girls from my past etc. just to see what they are doing. Often, I feel that gut wrenching tenderness from within when I see them “further ahead” of me and I also feel this pain whenever I think of them. I often blame myself that I cannot feel happy for them because I have no friends in my hometown. It’s sad, but probably best that I stay away from social media for the time being.

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    1. thank you Hilary, I appreciate your kind words. oh curiosity, the double edged sword. i feel you, friend. praying for ya! hugs xox

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  30. You are an amazing woman of God, Caralyn. I, along with the many others appreciate your honesty, your openness, transparency, your walk with our God, your Live for our Lord Jesus Christ, and your sensitivity to the Holy Spirit of the Living God.
    You and the ministry Holy Spirit has guided you into, are a blessing to many every day, in different areas of need. Your obedience to His leading, and sharing how God speaks to you through His Word, is encouraging, as you tell all that He will speak to each of us, we just need to be available, and to “listen” as well as hear.

    We know the enemy will use anything available to attempt to discourage us, and pull us down. He loves to point out past negative experiences.

    Thank you for living, and sharing publicly, the Truth of God’s Word.

    1 John 5:4
    4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.

    Luv,
    😀❤️🌹😘

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    1. hi George, oh my goodness, this touched my heart so much. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’re so right about that – the enemy loves to help us remember and to cause us to take our eyes off of Jesus. I love that verse so much! merry merry christmas, George! hugs xo

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  31. Wow. After reading this post I went back and read your original sorority post. What a challenging experience. I’m most impressed with your ability to be grateful for all your experiences, even that really hard ones. That is so transformative! Not always easy to do. There’s so much wisdom in this post. Good for you. And that proverb quite about guarding your heart.. Wow, Thank you!!

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    1. Gosh, thank you so much for taking the time to read that, and for your kind words. Yeah, it turns out that the hard ones are, in the end, the ones that make us who we are 🙂 so glad you stopped by! hugs oxxoxo

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  33. I call it snooping lol. But I’m laying in bed right now when I could be sleeping, but I’m reading your blog! But seriously, I’ve fallen down the wormhole as well. Just find someone and you are curious and it just keeps going. I think one of the worst parts about it, is you start to judge and compare their lives to yours. And that can be harmful to yourself.

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    1. snooping hahah i like that. aww, thank you for such kind words. that’s a great point. there is no win in comparison, that’s for dang sure…and something i defintiely had to learn the hard way! hugs oxx

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  34. Good on you for recognising that you didn’t need to be there. We all make mistakes as we are human. But you knew at some point that it wasn’t good for you to be delving back in the “what-could-have-been” era. So you have grown bigger than that, so well done. Cut yourself a break and be thankful for what you have achieved in your life, not only for yourself but for what you give to others. Love to hear your stories. Thank you for the raw emotions and truth you convey.

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  35. I really needed those two Bible verses today, right now. My week has been filled with a slightly different situation, but still involved social media. Thank you 🙂

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  36. Sometimes we all have be burned before we realize it is not what we should be. As you said it made you stronger but I’m pretty sure it didn’t feel that way when it happened which in a way you needed it to wake you up. Otherwise you would have been in the same place they are. You would not have ended up the strong powerful person you are with out the things that at the time seemed the worst. Good for you and your strength.

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  39. I just wanted to personally thank you for this post. I have, just the other day, left my church as it was a very negative atmosphere with not very nice people in it and it was making me resent having to go. I thought if I don’t leave now, it may end up having a negative effect on my faith and so i bit the bullet and left. I am currently tooing and frowing from church to church on a mission to find my new place of worship and this post really made me feel good about it. Thank you! x

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    1. Thank you so much Lottie, I’m so glad it resonated with you. I’m sorry that you had a negative atmosphere at the place that should be the most welcoming and joyful. I will definitely keep you in my prayers as you look for a new church! Hugs and love xox

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  40. Good for you, sis and glory to God! Thanks for sharing that beautiful biblical reminder of everything is made beautiful in its time. Have a blessed and wonderful day. Keep being that bright light.

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  42. Glad you’re not completely stuck in the past. I get the whole need to forgive, (I’ve been out of school 40 plus years and there are still incidents occasionally bubble back to the surface of my mind and I again forgive and release) Can I just say, the mean spirited stupidity of your sorority sisters and the national leadership, does piss me off. Yes forgive, yes don’t get stuck, yes God does use the hurt from our/ mine/ your past for my growth, but @ the same time, there is a place to call something for what it is as well. Sometimes, we in the church are so quick to gloss over the initial offence we don’t allow the wounded to grieve. You are so normal. That’s why I read your blog. Take care. DM

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    1. Thanks so much DM, I appreciate your kind words. Yeah it was not the greatest of scenarios, that’s for sure. I appreciate you being in my corner 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  43. What a wonderful realization! Especially during this time of year 🙂 Good for you Caralyn! It is so hard to look back on past painful memories and realize the good that came from them. What a wonderful example of growth and love. thank you for sharing. You will make a very lucky man very happy 🙂 God Bless!

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    1. Thanks Nikki for sharing that. Yeah – they look picture perfect from the outside… Hope you have a beautiful Christmas! Hugs and love xox

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  45. Enjoyed this post and especially your comment “r. I’m telling you – once you start making reading your bible a daily practice, it is amazing how God truly speaks to you, and gives you exactly what you need to hear.” Knowing this truth changes so very much in a person’s life and brings us back from the brink of our fleshly responses to life. Appreciate your real life, down to earth sharing!!

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  46. Not being subtle here… if I saw anyone do that to anyone else I would f**king tear them apart. What evill to do that to you. I’m pleased to hear that you’ve over that now but that was bad.. Have a great Christmas xx

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  47. What a difficult experience to overcome – that would certainly turn many peoples hearts stone cold. I’m so glad your faith and your family and new friends have supported you in moving forward in such a positive direction – you really did shake the dust off!! You did well guarding your heart – you didn’t let the darkness linger, just experienced it and then asked it to leave so you had more room for the light. What an insightful, brave, resilient young lady you are.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I have some really wonderful friends and an incredible family that really stood by my side. I am so grateful. God is good. Hugs and love xox

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  49. You precious soul! I was touched reading your story. Nothing hurts like rejection. And for trying to do good! You will be eternally blessed for your righteousness. My closest friends are my small group of ladies that are 81-95 years old. I adore and cherish them and they root for me. God gave me what I needed when I completely let Him pick my friends. Bless you and your ministry and know there are kindred souls rooting for you too. Blessings and PEACE, Sister
    Katie Turner 😊🙏🏼

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  50. Caralyn.. You are right. God, in His Time has made something beautiful. We go through trials in our lives, much like the mythical creature the Phoenix, which rises up out of the ashes better than before! I had a friend who equated me to that creature after I described to them how I got through to that very moment. ..he asked how someone like me could get into such troubles. . I said,” I cannot lie to you, because you’re a priest, and you know the ” Boss” ( the Lord Almighty).

    God never leaves nor forsakes His Faithful! May He bless you in your endeavors, and guide your footsteps!

    Terrelyn

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