A Facebook Gut Punch

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I did something I’m not proud of last night.

I don’t know if this ever happens to you, but sometimes, I find myself in what I like to call, The Facebook Time Suck.

You know what I’m talking about: It’s late; you definitely should be asleep already; your phone is on 15% battery life; and you’re just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling through Social Media. And pretty soon, you find yourself on your elementary school crush’s wife’s Facebook page, looking at their engagement photos from 4 years ago, and you just. can’t. look. away. 

Very rarely do I fall into that trap. My life is typically way to hectic crazy for that…especially now that I’ve committed to making daily videos for my newsletter.

But last night, being that I’m home in Ohio now for Christmas, with a bit more time on my hands, I found myself late into the evening on the Facebook page of…several of my sorority sisters from college.

Now, if you’ve followed this blog for a while, you will know that, aside from my anorexia, that season of my life in the sorority was probably the second darkest period of my life.

Just a 30 second recap: I was the President of my sorority. And then in a publicly humiliating episode where I was stripped down to my sports bra and undies in front of the whole chapter, I was forced to “step down” from my position as President. They rejected the sisterhood I was amplifying. And they didn’t appreciate the higher standard I was subtly calling our chapter to — upholding the Christian values that the sorority itself was founded upon. Those values didn’t really line up with the binge drinking brothel that they wanted to create instead. A wonderful experience of 3 years of beautiful friendships and fun memories, in the blink of an eye, turned…just like that.

I’m not bitter, I promise.

But actually, I’ve really worked hard to find forgiveness in my heart, not just for the college-aged girls, but for the 40 and 50 year old women in charge of the national organization, who not only should know better, but should be striving to build young women up instead of seeking to tear them down.

But one of the ways I have worked on forgiveness and moving on, is that I do not follow any of those people on social media. I don’t want to be shown their faces on a daily basis, and be reminded of that time of pain in my life. It brings me back to a bad head space.

But, last night…I fell into the insatiable trap of curiosity.

And 45 minutes later, I’m up to my eyeballs in profiles, and wedding albums, and learning that frankly…not much had changed with those girls.

And feeling my chest tighten with unhealthy feelings, I finally, snapped out of it, turned off my phone and audibly said to myself, “Care, you need to get a life. This is not good for you.”

That night, as I was prepping for my Oh What a Beautiful Morning! video, the Bible verses that came up were exactly what I needed to hear. I’m telling you – once you start making reading your bible a daily practice, it is amazing how God truly speaks to you, and gives you exactly what you need to hear.

I mean, I grew up knowing that scripture is the “Word of God,” but only now am I realizing that, it really is. It’s His words, to you.

So I open up the page and find this little gem: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.” Proverbs 4:23

I actually gave a chuckle, reading that. I was envisioning God, peering over his Santa Claus-esq spectacles, wagging his finger at me, going…Now, now, now, Caralyn. Don’t you be doin’ that, young lady. You know better than to be digging up skeletons on Facebook!

I kind of rolled my eyes: Well played, God. Well played.

But then I look down to find this warm hug from my Father: “He has made everything beautiful in His time.” Eccl 3:11

And this, friends, was exactly what I needed to read after my destructive little Facebook Time Suck.

Sure, that season was unpleasant. There were many, many tears, and to say that it was an exercise in humility would be the understatement of the century.

However, God never let that pain go to waste. And last night, He challenged me to consider how, in fact, He has made it beautiful.

I honestly blacked out in my memory the majority of that tumultuous closing of that chapter. But I do remember, after all the smoke cleared and dust settled, being back at home, my mom and I were both lying in my bed looking up at the ceiling, having one of our infamous mother-daughter talks before bed, like we did every night of my childhood, and she said something to me that I’ll never forget.

She said, “Just shake the dust off.”

And of course, she was referring to Matthew 10:14 – “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”

But that’s exactly what I did, and never looked back.

I chose to leave behind that toxic situation, and move on. I moved to the Big Apple not knowing a soul, and built a beautiful community, full of people that love me and value the person I am. My friends here are like family, and the road we’re traveling on is exciting, and fulfilling and affirming.

I’ve chased my dreams. Built a desktop ministry that I can be proud of. And grown in my relationship with God in an incredibly personal and tangible way.

That season really shaped the trajectory of my life thus far.

But that’s not all.

Looking back, I realized just how much it shaped who I am.

That whole debacle taught me to value and treasure loyalty. After 3 years, building friendships with girls I thought were my friends – traveling with them, sharing hearts and laughter, joys and break ups, only to have them turn their backs when your spotlight “goes out” – it really singed my heart. And made me see the beauty of true, loyal, people.

But more, God has helped me grow from that pain. And solidified in my heart a dependence on God, as shelter, friend, and hope. As comforter, consoler, and teacher of trust, resilience, and humility.

He has made everything beautiful in His time.

Because the most beautiful thing to come out of that pain, was the young woman I became, from growing through it.

And for that, I am grateful.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

195 thoughts on “A Facebook Gut Punch”

  1. God is teaching you some great things. The grass that appears greener is often the grass over the septic tank. Gross statement but so true! I look at those who appear more “successful” and discover that things are not as they appear. God took your difficult and has given you a worldwide platform. His plans are so much better than ours.

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  5. I know I try so hard not to go down the Facebook rabbit hole. But sometimes it’s hard to avoid. I’m glad to hear you’ve moved on from that horrible experience though it’s not surprising to hear that none of the people involved have changed. I’ve found that’s usually been the case with the people in my life that I didn’t get along particularly well with or have hurt me in some way.

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      1. My hubbs made me do it because only he could see I was addicted. So I did it and never looked back. Hugs and love xox

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  7. You are so right about moving on. I just had coffee yesterday with someone who was part of several decisions that caused my family deep hurt. God compelled me to contact this person and meet with them. It was a fruitful discussion where I heard her side of the story and the challenges she faced. It gave me more insight and showed me things aren’t always as simple as they seem. I was able to tell her I forgive her and move on. It helped free me from the brewing anger.

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    1. Thanks so much friend for your kind words. And oh wow, that is so wonderful that you were able to have that encounter. Hugs and love xox

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  8. Great post. This is the first post of yours I’ve come across. I deactivated my social media accounts almost a year ago and truly it has altered so many things in my life. I can relate to being in the Facebook Time Suck, lol. To be honest I needed to unplug from social media and plug more into God. Now almost a year later I’ve gained so much clarity in my relationship with the Father. I truly loved this post. I look forward to reading some more of your content. Many blessings.

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    1. Thank you T for your encouraging words. Yeah I also looking forward to unplugging this Christmas! Hugs and love xox

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  9. Hi. I really understand this feeling. I’ve been through it as well and every now and then I get that same gut punch, I cry then brush it off and look at the the people I already have and see what a blessing they are. Thanls for your encouraging words.

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    1. Thank you so much friend! You’re right – let’s focus on the good and the many blessings we have 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  10. Well done and well written.
    I totally resonated with what you wrote and shared.
    There are a lot of traps in social media just as there is a treasure trove of gems in it.
    Keep writing and sharing.
    Merry Christmas.
    May the Child in the Manger be a constant Presence in your life and writings.

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  12. Beautiful! Betrayal is so hard to work through, and they impact our body image, self esteem, sense of trust, everything. What you went through must have been so hard. And facebook is not always a good place to spend time.

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    1. thank you Marie for your encouragement. you’re so right – everything. I appreciate you taking the time to read! big hugs and merry christmas!

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  13. It’s truly amazing how God speaks to us through words that were written thousands of years ago! Scripture is completely alive because Jesus is the Word of God and He lives forever… I too needed today that quote from Proverbs 🙂

    I’m glad you were able to overcome that difficult experience in your sorority and use it to grow into the amazing person you are today, creating a life that’s meaningful to you and to many others.

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  16. I totally know what it’s like to mindlessly scroll the newsfeed and then be like, “Wait, what was I on here for?” I recently deleted the Facebook app from my phone to help curb that tendency. It’s tempting to chase those rabbits. Let’em go. Thanks for sharing and caring. Peace.

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  17. Oh how this blessed me and confirmed why I stay away from social media. Similar to your story, someone hurt me very deeply some time ago. I have forgiven them, and that was a long process. One of the ways I protect myself is by not viewing or following what they do on FB. It puts me in a bad head space too. Thank you for sharing this, it confirms what I’ve been doing is right for me. God bless you and Merry Christmas. Glory to our God.

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  19. What is really funny after reading this is, that when I started my blog (Just my understanding of God’s Word [shameless plug]) three years ago you were the first person to follow me and your faithfulness kept me reading my bible day in and out just so I could meet your expectations of something to read daily. Thank You for your support and yes I agree daily reading of the Word is the love God told us that would cover many sins and bring us to Him.

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    1. Oh my gosh I cannot begin to tell you how much this touched my heart. Thank you so much Paul. Sending you so much love joy and peace this Christmas season! Xox

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  20. God opened my eyes to this truth:
    Stop wondering if I am good enough for other people and start wondering if they are good enough for me.

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  22. This post was so encouraging to me. My husband and I have just come out of a very toxic situation after 10 years. We were betrayed by the people closest to us who called themselves our “family”. We have been so broken by this and are grieving. We are seeking God but it seems some days the pain is as real as the day is happened. We have since moved across the country and it seems so clear this is where God wants us but my doubts are so huge right now and I struggle to look at “church” people in a good light. Its only been 5 months so its early days but of course, I just want to “get over it”. That isn’t reality. Thank you for this post. Thank you for your transparency.

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    1. Thank you so much Rachel, I’m so glad this hit home with you. I’m so sorry that you went through that. Gosh that is so hard. I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers. Hang in there. God is drawing you to Himself. sending big hugs and prayers xox

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  23. There’s so much that I wanna say about fraternities and sororities but all I will say about that is praise the Lord you’re no longer a part of that sorority.

    Recently I’ve been reading through Jesus’ sermon on the mount and on different occasions been coming across the part where He says, “”Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
    ”
    Matthew 5:11‭-‬12
    Even though what you experienced then was humiliating and honestly straight up disrespectful you’re blessed because your intention was to point those young women in the right direction that would please God but they weren’t interested and clearly made an example of you for anyone who dare to challenge their way of doing things. (Sororities and fraternities have zero interest in pleasing God). We as believers will experience humiliating things like that and even worse but we know who we are in Christ and we know He is pleased when we do what pleases Him. It’s great that you aren’t bitter about it. It’s actually sad that not much has changed with those girls. (I can say the same about most of the girls I hung out with in high school). Would be great if they also come to know the Lord.

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    1. Thanks so much SLR, for your support. You’re right – we have to keep putting His name out there even if it’s not super well received. Hugs and love xox

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  24. I’ve just finished reading The Girls at 17 Swann St by Yara Zgheib. It is a novel that will be released in 2019. My book club won 10 copies for our meeting in Jan, so we received advance copies. It is about a young woman in recovery from anorexia. I’d like to see your review of the book!

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  25. So glad God has brought you peace. My sister we have all been there. I once had a situation so humiliating and humbling for months I couldn’t talk about it without crying. Now when I share the story I can’t do it without laughing. That’s how good God is. What was once a source of pain has turned to tiumph and opportunities to minister the Word of God to others who face similar situations. I pray God will continue to use you in the same manner. Lena

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  26. Most beautiful and reassuring post. I also grew up with a lot of things about God I recited from church, and only recently discovered the truth behind those mindless recitations. Each time, I have such epiphany, I can’t help but be Grateful.

    Only those with eyes can see the truth about God’s walk with them.

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  27. Isn’t it just like the enemy to try to leave us vulnerable and broken. I love that you did not allow that to keep you from all that God had planned for you. I love that you allow God to use your struggles to reach others. While we shouldn’t dwell on the past, sometimes we need to glance back and be reminded of how far we’ve come. I’m celebrating with you today! You’ve come so far! 👏👏👏

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    1. I really is. thank you for the encouragement! you’re right – God will always use everything for good! happy new year! hugs xo

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  28. There have been so many times in my life that the same thing happened. I was struggling with something – I turned to the bible and He spoke to me. I have had this conversation with my own children – it’s great to pray but how good is a relationship where only one person speaks – make sure you listen to what He has to say too. Great post!

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    1. Hey friend! You’re so right about that – we’ve got to listen! And how blessed are we to have a book full of His words! Hugs and love xox

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  30. Love this article! The teeter totter of modern Christianity is balancing the effects of modern social mediums and the eternal truths of God… love it!

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  32. That sounds like such a painful time, but what a good attitude you have about it. It sounds like you’ve really taken care of yourself and helped yourself heal.

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  35. Seeing Godly smile on your face itself gives the ideas of God. He is always caring us but some of us do not care Him. Hence, it is always preferable for every one of us to be in attachment with God!!! Thanks for such a nice smile and beautiful blog.

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