Two Years Fruitful

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I’ve gotta tell ya, this day really snuck up on me this year.

December 27, 2018. The second year anniversary of my mom’s stroke.

Two years ago today, my parents and I were out to dinner at a nice restaurant downtown, when out of nowhere, my picture-of-health, 63-yea-old mother had a stroke that initially left her unable to speak, and unable to recognize me as her daughter.

I remember watching my dad carry her into the emergency room “Marissa Cooper-style” from the OC. I will never be able to rid that image of my lifeless mother from my mind.

Nor will I ever forget the way in which I pleaded with God in that hospital room, to save my mother and keep her alive.

Since then, thanks be to God, she has had a miraculous recovery. To the point that you wouldn’t even know she had a stroke in the first place.

The courage she has shown, the determination and fervor with which she has attacked her recovery, and the positive attitude she’s sustained through it all has left me incredibly inspired and in awe of this amazing woman I have the privilege of calling “mom.”

Since then, she and I have walked 80 miles on the El Camino de Santiago de Compostella as a pilgrimage of gratitude for her healing. She has traveled in the footsteps of Fr. Jacque Marquette – whom she saw in her near death experience vision. (Which you can listen to in this post.)

But more than that, she has reclaimed her life and is a living and breathing picture of God’s mercy and faithfulness.

In addition to my mom’s incredible transformation these past two years, I too, have undergone significant growth of my own, as a result of this impactful season for our family.

Two years ago, the young woman writing this blog was much different than the young woman sitting at the keyboard today.

There is a depth of faith, she possesses that can only be obtained through pitch black nights, without even the light of the moon to provide comfort.

There is a dependence on God that I have learned these past two years that I almost cannot put into words.

What began as a desperate pleading – bargaining – begging with God in that hospital room that night, just to keep her alive, has bloomed in to an absolute trust that transcends understanding, logic, and circumstance.

Days spent being strong, brave and anchored for my family, ended in silent tears on my pillow, filled with fear and heartbreak, anxiety, confusion, anger – the emotions I was hurling at God behind closed doors that year were so intense and so raw. And He took them all. Every day, nailing them to the cross that He had given me to carry that year.

But that’s the thing. We all go through seasons where we are given a particularly difficult cross to bear. No one is immune from it. It is part of our Christian walk.

“Whoever wants to be My disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow Me.” Luke 9:23

Day after day, Jesus would meet me in the morning, and give me the strength, hope and endurance to make it through the day.

Each day, calming my fear. Sustaining my emotional and spiritual exhaustion. Shouldering my anger. And blanketing me in peace, moment by moment, that He was in control. It was my job to trust Him. And to pass on the fruits of the spirit that He was providing me, even though I was unaware of it at the time.

It is only looking back, now, from a place of hindsight and gratitude, that I can see the gifts of the Holy Spirit all over that season of trying times.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Galatians 5:22.

Love. – Every day, I woke up thinking that it was impossible for me to love my mom any more than I did in that very moment. Until, of course I woke up the following day.

Joy – The bright bursts of joy during that season were unparalleled. Be it dance parties in the kitchen. Tender moments that we shared because of the presentness we all had together, working towards the same goal.

Peace: Though tumultuous and full of uncertainty, most mornings brought with them the peace that everything was going to be okay. Maybe not right now, but somehow, I knew that whatever was to come, we would survive together.

Patience – This one stretched me, but was the most important. As I had to learn to breathe and offer the grace with which she had shown me my entire life.

Kindness – There was one thing that didn’t change in my mom after her stroke, and that was the kindness of her heart. It is her filter through which she sees the world. And then of course, seeing the kindness of her friends and our community, rallying around her. It was a beautiful thing.

Goodness – I witnessed first hand, the way in which God can take even the darkest of situations and bring about good from them. And the most beautiful example of this, is the blessing of time and togetherness that my family experienced as a result.

Faithfulness – Learning to depend on God in such a total and complete way – my faith had never been tested – or strengthened – more.

Gentleness – It was revealed to me just how gentle is the hand of the Father – and I saw that through the love of my earthly father. Seeing his heart through all of this. I have never been so inspired or in awe of him either.

And lastly, self-control – This one really was a gradual bell curve of a transformation. But learning to put my needs second was a shift that I was not used to, but that I now am grateful for.

All in all, every day brought with it new challenges and new lessons that were beautiful and full of grace, that I wouldn’t change for the world.

Because that’s the thing about our crosses.

They are beautiful in a very transcendent way. They force us to our absolute limit, only to reveal to us a beautiful truth that we couldn’t arrive at any other way.

Jesus showed us the way in this: somethings you have to endure, to allow true freedom and true transformation to occur.

We have to die to self, to live with Christ.

And that is what happened that year.

I know that Jesus is in control. And I know that He is going to give me everything I need to get through those seasons of desperation and fear. He gives us what we need. Sometimes it just takes a little time and distance to be able to see His hand at work.

The Holy Spirit was working overtime for me that season. What a blessing now, to be able to look back, with my healthy and thriving mom, and see the His fruits in our lives.

What a cause for praise and thanksgiving. What a Father we have.

Thank you, Jesus, for helping my mom, my family, and me, through our season of need. You are our divine Protector, poised and ready to get us through the storm. Waiting to shape our situation into an outcome of goodness and truth.

“For the Lord your God has blessed you in all that you have done; He has known your wanderings through this great wilderness; These forty years the LORD your God has been with you; you have not lacked a thing.” Deuteronomy 2:7


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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

196 thoughts on “Two Years Fruitful”

    1. thank you so much. You have been such a great friend and encourager through this time! i really appreciate it. hugs xox

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  3. Hi Caralyn. Nothing can be added to what you wrote. Except PRAISE JESUS, and we thank you LORD.
    Thank you for sharing this beautiful testimony in such a beautiful God Glorifying way.
    Happy New Year Caralyn, and to your Mom and Dad also. May you each experience the Blessings of God, His Provision, Health, Prosperity, as God sees each of these.

    3 John 1:2
    2 Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.

    I don’t know your Mom and Dad, but I Love them, as I Love you Caralyn.
    God Bless,
    Luv. 😀🌹❤️😘

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    1. Hi George, thank yuo so much for this beautiful response. amen to that -Praise Jesus indeed!!!! You have been such a wonderful friend through all of this, i really appreciate your support, prayers, and encouragment! sending big New Years hugs!! and I will absolutely pass along the love 🙂 much love and hugs xox

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  7. Caralyn, I am so glad that you and your mother are well at this point! I remember your request for help, and I was surprised to see tonight that it was two years ago! How blessed she is in her near-death experience and what she learned from it! How blessed are you both in richer walks with God! I rejoice with you both and your family in the richer lives God has grown out of that dark seed.

    Blessings, prayers and love for you both, Jeff

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    1. Thank you Jeff. Yes – you have been such a blessing to me and my family during this time. Thank you for the prayers, support and friendship you have so generously shown. Thank you for rejoicing with us tonight! Hugs and love xox

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  9. 2 years I remember you when you told us all about it, hope you are well been a while since we have talked I’ve been going through some rubbish personally 😢 I’ve celebrated my birthday and Christmas since we last spoke, I am now 30 😂🙈 your mum is an amazing human being with an equally amazing and beautiful daughter ❤️

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      1. I could really use some encouragement right now ❤️ lots of head stuff going on and I’m just drained 😢

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  10. Wow! That was outstanding! What a great example of faith. You’re right about walking through the darkness. We wonder why we sometimes have to go through such suffering and turmoil. But our God can be trusted. He gives us exactly what we need, and He walks through it with us. He so deserves our faith, obedience, and praise. And His love knows no bounds. He really is there for us always. So glad your Mom is doing so well! 🙂

    Hey, only 54 away from 41K!! Congratulations!! Have a wonderful weekend!

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  11. Amazing! I have been following your blog for just a bit over two years now – through this whole process – praying and watching all that the LORD has been doing in your life. It has been truly beautiful, challenging, encouraging, and also has helped me look for the fruits of the Spirit in the lives of those around me. It’s wonderful to see what He’s doing!
    Still praying for you and your family!

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    1. oh gosh thank you so much for your prayers and support. that seriously means so much. God has been so good to us!!! hugs to you xox

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  14. Very moving post. Thank you for sharing. This quote seems appropriate: “Some of the early Church Fathers well summarized the nature and purpose of our lives when they said that we are born in the image of God and meant to grow into the full likeness of God. I interpret that to mean that our core nature is a unique shaping of divine Spirit energy, a unique shaping of divine love, freedom, and creativity. . . .” — Tilden Edwards

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    1. Thank you so much for all your kindness and support these last couple years! You’re a great friend 💛 and thanks for sharing that quote!! Hugs and love xox

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  18. Thanks for sharing these encouraging and inspiring words. I’ve lived through a similar experience with a parent. May God continue to bless your family!

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    1. Thank you so much Dee, I really appreciate your kind words. Haha yay! i take that as a huge compliment 🙂 i think she is beautiful! big hugs to you xox

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  21. Excellent reflection on your journey through trusting God with your mom. I have a thankful journal, but your fruits of the spirit list inspires me. I always think of them as what I am to be doing for others, not how I see God being good to me through the fruits of the spirit. Thanks for a new way of recording God’s faithfulness.

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    1. thank you so much Karisa 🙂 i really appreciate your kind words. That’s so true! They’re an expression of His goodness and love! hugs xox

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  22. There’s just so much to be thankful for. Without God leading and providing, where would we be? I’m grateful for your growth and the healing that’s occurred for your family. May 2019 be filled with many more blessings and God’s presence in your lives. Thanks for being such a light and sharing your foundation and heart with us all.

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  23. You are so blessed to have tasted the fruits of the Spirit in your life. Lost my dad late November and needed to pray for a refill from God. He did send more through his word. You are a wonderful witness to others as always. Thanks for sharing John

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    1. Oh John I am so sorry for your loss, my friend. Gosh that is so tough. Praying for you and your family during this difficult time. Hang in there friend. Sending so much love and hugs xox

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  24. My dear friend,

    Thanks for sharing these wonderful thoughts about the recovery of your mom and your experience during this time, your close interaction with God.

    In your text you share a very important message, quote: “Whoever wants to be My disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow Me.” Luke 9:23 – there is a very deep meaning behind. To deny ourselves is the confession that there is only ONE existing and that is the ONE (the ONE is not even broken in millions and millons of fragments, but He is the Ocean consisting of millions and millions of drops and nevertheless water is merged with water without any separation. Only our “I and ego” separates us from this Ocean that is always existing (like the sun that has set and is nevertheless there) – so when I know I am not there, then He is there, then I make space for Him – two, I and He, cannot exist at the same time – this is infact our “dream” our so-called reality, our life, but our mind is put into the illusion that it exists separately from Him – we are all ONE and form the Ocean of Him, each drop. In this way we can let go our ego, which thinks it is doing something, but there there is only ONE Doer – as I once wrote: “The shadow thinks it is moving, but it is the light that moves the shadow…” Once we know it and let this flow into our blood and venes, then God is nearer than our own skin to us… the second part of the message: to take up our daily cross…. this is another deep meaning which requires much more than a few words to explain it…

    However, I am happy that you share your impression, your feelings and thoughts which are useful and helpful for many people.

    Thank you, my friend 🙂

    From heart to heart a big hug
    Didi

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    1. Thank you so much Didi. You have been such a great friend and source of encouragement these past two years. Thank you – I can’t begin to express my gratitude for you!! And such powerful food for thought here!! Hugs and love xox

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  27. This post is my favorite so far from you. Maybe because I can relate to this, “Nor will I ever forget the way in which I pleaded with God in that hospital room, to save my mother and keep her alive.” Maybe because of how I see you in an new way as you share how you’ve grown. The inner transformation can often be a place we overlook and feel dismissive of because it’s not tangible, but you laid it out and acknowledged it, allowing it to not be shoved under a rug or hidden behind some physical thing. This is beautiful. Thank you for a reminder of how important it is to acknowledge our ongoing transformation and journey, even when not tangible. I can hold space for that which I can’t hold within my hands and be thankful for the fact I’m not the same person I was last year or five years ago. Great reminder and thanks for opening up to this new level (to me at least… I’m still new to following you.).

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    1. Oh my gosh thank you so much Shell!! I am seriously so touched by this thoughtful response. Amen! We are always growing and evolving into who He made us to be! Hugs and love xox

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  28. Excellent testimony, my friend! Nobody could make that up. Your mom’s miraculous recovery from a wicked stroke is an example that God is still in the healing business. And His promises to us are true. The doubtful Thomas’ like to frown on testimonies like yours. But there is no room for doubt here, because you did share those heart wrenching moments with us on this blog.

    I rejoice with you, my friend. I can almost touch the joy you radiate through your words. God bless.

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    1. Thank you so much Noel! Gosh what kind words. Thanks for being such a great source of support and encouragement through it all. Hugs and love xox

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  31. What a powerful post, an amazing testimony. Your pure love for your parents shine through! Also, thank you for the reminder about the fruits of the spirit. It’s something that I memorized in elementary school, but seeing it written this way struck me. Thank you for your writing, your testimony, your love, and your own spirit. Happy New Year, darling!

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    1. Thank you Laura Beth for your kind words and for being such a great friend and encourager through it all! Very grateful for you!!! Hugs and love xox

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  32. Everything you write is kind, good,meaningful, and it has purpose! I am so happy to hear that your mother recovered and she is doing well. There’s nothing better in life than a mother! Prayer works as God is good. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful blessed day

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    1. Oh my gosh thank you Lane!! You’re so right about that – moms are amazing. And yes! There is power in prayer! Hugs and love xox

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  33. Thank you for sharing this with us. It is a truly inspirational piece. I am grateful to have found your little corner of the interwebs because your posts help me to reflect and to better understand my relationship with God. Have a wonderful and blessed day!

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    1. Thank you so much Amy. Yes – God has been so good to me and seen us through time and time again. Thanks for being such a great friend! Hugs and love xox

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  41. Yes! God is amazing! What a lovely devotion to him and to your Mother. I’m so happy she is better and able to make some amazing memories with you. Sending lots of love and happy thoughts your way!

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  43. I really do identify with this post. Having my 83-year old mother living with us for more than a year now has been a strain, frankly. It’s changed the dynamics of how we use our home, and the strain will probably get worse as time goes on.

    I needed reminding that she, set in her ways and declining in health, is my cross. And I must continue to seek God’s help to find a way to battle through it all, day by day. Blessings and best wishes from Kentucky– Mike

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Mike. What a gift you are giving your mother. I will definitely keep her and you in my prayers. hugs xo

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  45. Dear BBB, I love this quote from this post, “Sometimes it just takes a little time and distance to be able to see His hand at work.”

    This “little time” is most definitely the FAITH, seed faith God wants to see in the heart of everyone who calls on HIM. And what about the “distance”? It is the trust in HIS rhema. These faith and the attendant trust survives on the food called PATIENCE. Now patience can be so, so enervating. Great post!

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  46. I, honestly, do not know who’ll like to lose such an adorable Mum! Who says Jesus is not historically a phenomenon? Who says Jesus does not hear prayers? That person has not read this wonderful testimony. I thank Jesus for all He’s done for you, personally, and your lovely family. Praise the LORD!

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    1. Thank you so much for these wonderfully kind words. There is power in prayer!! And amen to that – God has been so good to us! Hugs and love xox

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  49. I really enjoyed reading this post, and it reminded me…My dear Mama also suffered a stroke back in 1993. She is 79 this year and still going strong after making some drastic life changes! All glory to our Lord!

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing that. I’m sorry that happened to her, but gosh praise the Lord that she is healthy doing so well! God is good! Hugs and love xox

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