The Virgin Bachelor – A Virgin’s Perspective

Confession: I was one of the 5.1 million viewers who tuned in on Monday night to watch the three hour premiere episode of The Bachelor on ABC.

Yeah, you read that right: three HOURS.

And whether or not you tuned in like me, I’m sure you’ve heard, that the lead, Colton Underwood, is a virgin.

Yep. The franchise has decided to build the entire season around his virginity, touting him “The Virgin Bachelor,” with the slogan, “What does he have to lose?”

And as you can imagine, along with all of the promos and trailers leading up to Monday night, Colton’s lack of sexual experience was front and center the entire episode. And sadly, the butt end of a lot of jokes.

Everyone in the media, in the press, – even the contestants on the show – are all having fun, frankly, at Colton’s expense.

And to be honest, I wasn’t planning on even watching this season. Every year, I say I’m going to quit my guilty pleasure. But sitting here as a fellow virgin, I felt a deep camaraderie and compassion, for this young man, that seemingly, the entire country is making fun of.

People are questioning his honesty – baffled that he could be an attractive 26 year old man and former professional football player, and still be a virgin.

People are questioning his sexuality, convinced that he’s gay, because he hasn’t had sex yet.

He’s become a source of voyeuristic fascination, and quite honestly, enough is enough.

And the premiere episode of the show was no different. The innuendos were a dime a dozen.

The limo exits — let’s just say virginity was the theme of the night. One young woman brought a cherry-shaped ballon for him, that she then “popped.” Another brought handcuffs for…”later.” One performed a magic trick that involved stealing his “V Card.” Another bragged that she hadn’t dated a virgin since she was 12 years old. And still yet, one dressed as a sloth, because he liked to “take it slow.”

The whole night just left me feeling icky: Women jockeying to be the one to “take” his virginity, as though it were a prize to be conquered.

And the next morning, as a true Bachelor fan does, I was listening to the OG Bachelor recap podcast: The Ben and Ashley I “Almost Famous” Podcast, with Ben Higgins and Ashley Iaconetti. Ben, being a former lead, and Ashley’s claim to Bachelor fame: being (the original) virgin contestant.

Photo: iHeartRadio

Well, I was listening to their podcast, and they both were voicing a similar disgust about the whole preoccupation with Colton’s virginity.

Ben said, “There’s one thing that’s really upsetting me…I don’t love that there’s women on the show saying ‘I’m going to take his virginity’ or ‘When he loses his virginity I’m gonna oil him up to try to get him hot and bothered and all that stuff. I feel really disgusted by that for some reason…We’re crossing a boundary and a line now, where this is something Colton’s held onto…It’s been a personal choice by him. I hate that there’s verbiage and people out there – on the show, and also that they’re playing it – that there’s women going ‘I’m gonna take his virginity.’ Think about what you’re saying there! What you’re saying is absolutely disgusting. And not okay with me. And I can’t quite put into words why it’s so upsetting. But I know when I watched the episode tonight, there’s something about it that just made me feel dirty.” (Minute 33:30)

Me too, Ben. Me too.

And so tonight, I’d like to offer one perspective, maybe, on why that is so upsetting. And share with you just what my virginity means to me.

Because, believe me, as a young woman, who is still proudly a card-carrying member of the V Card club, I have some thoughts.

BeautyBeyondBones

The balloons, the jokes, the objectification and humiliation — why is that so upsetting, and leaves one feeling dirty?

Because Colton’s choice of virginity is a beautiful gift, but it also mirrors what Jesus did for us on the cross.

It is his choice, and my choice, but of course not everyone’s choice. I am not condemning other choices, but please do not make fun of mine.

Virginity is living out the vocation that Jesus called us to live: giving of ourselves in love to God and to others.

That which we are ridiculing and making fun of, is not only the very essence of our humanity, as God designed it, but also reflective of God, himself.

And follow me for just a few moments, if you may. Because, take it from this virgin, it’s important to me. There have been many temptations and really attractive opportunities to choose otherwise, but my virginity is an out growth of the foundation of my faith, so I invite you to just hear me out.

Here is what I believe: Who we are – women and men – we were made in the image of God. Our souls, our hearts and yes, our bodies — were created by God, in His image. And they’re temples of the Holy Spirit, dwelling in our hearts as children of God. And contrary to what secular society is trying to convince us, we were created, man and woman. God designed us to fit together perfectly, in a love that produces life: life giving love.

And if that rings a bell – it’s because that is the love of our Father. God is love. And the Father, Son and Holy Spirit — that Trinity — is both life giving, and life creating. Just like the love between man and woman.

Luke 22:19 “This is My body, given for you.” – Spoken by Jesus, right before He gave himself totally and completely in love, on the cross, for His bride, the Church.

And praise God for the new life: eternal life, that sacrifice produced.

To choose virginity, or abstinence, and responding to God’s call to protect that self-giving gift, is nothing to ridicule or trivialize or make fun of. It is a beautiful expression of love for God. A love that does not take lightly the dignity of another person. A love that, though yearning for union with another, will use this period abstinence to serve one’s brothers and sisters in Christ, in love; and to use that time to grow, in love, with the Father.

We are transformed in the waiting. BeautyBeyondBones, top recovery blogger. #faith #edrecovery

And once again, let me emphasize: I am certainly not judging choices other than virginity. I am simply sharing my faith on this. I am a small minority and I know it.

One thing I do know for sure, is this: we are all unconditionally loved by the Father. We are delighted in, and cherished, just as we are.

Be unapologetically you. - BeautyBeyondBones, top recovery blogger. #faith #edrecovery


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322 thoughts on “The Virgin Bachelor – A Virgin’s Perspective

  1. I highly respect this. Though I grew up around others in the faith, I was not fully aware of what it meant to be a virgin early on. I lost my virginity young and for the longest believed sex to be key to any unity. When I came into the faith, I saw the beauty and respect of true love. It is indeed a choice and one we don’t or should take lightly. I respect the choice you make as well as others. God bless.

    1. Thanks so much friend, for sharing your story. I appreciate your encouraging words. Big hugs to you xox

  2. Awesome, I agree! I think it is beautiful when people save themselves for marriage. I just heard today that Tim Tebow proposed to his girlfriend. Tebow is a virgin too. He waited and stayed pure and God blessed him. I pray blessing over his marriage. Tebow is one cool dude…and I loved when he played for the Broncos here in Denver! God bless!

    1. Thank you Ryan, I appreciate your encouraging words! Oh that’s so great for Tim!! I will join you in that prayer for him! Hugs and love xox

  3. I was not a woman of faith when I gave myself to the first male I loved. I was 20-something and truly believed he loved me. I had an engagement ring and was working on wedding plans. Then, he found a girl with money who spent on him lavishly and he was gone.
    Waiting is hard! I understand. I would choose to wait if I could go back and make the choice again. Every aspect of love is given to us by God and is precious <3
    How terrible of anyone that makes fun of those who choose to wait!! The acts you described would disgust me as well.
    Keep being your wonderful self <3

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You’re so right – it is precious! I appreciate your encouraging words. Hugs and love xox

  4. Excellent. Very excellent. You said everything exactly right. And personally, I don’t think you’re in the minority. I just think the “other choice” bunch is louder about their choices. We never hear about the good, only the bad. Also, your connection between what they think about God and how they’re acting is spot on. They don’t like Jesus and feel compelled to attack everything He stands for. Well done!

    1. Thank you Kenneth. Just trying to share an alternative viewpoint. Get another idea out there. Thanks for reading!! Hugs and love xox

  5. sad isn’t it that when someone doesn’t follow conventional rite of passage into adulthood that there is something wrong with them. I wouldn’t call it conventional to begin with I think the pressure to give up one’s virtue is a personal choice. I don’t judge people who are no virgins it would be nice to be treated with the same regard instead of being given strange looks and colourful comments. My view is that for those who go with the flow generally feel uncomfortable or threatened by those don’t. I don’t have the problem, they do.

    1. Thank you Chris, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this. I agree – we all should be treated the same no matter what! Hugs and love xox

  6. I used to watch the Bachelor, but then one of their spin-off shows lasted three hours (this was many years ago), and I lost my focus. The three hours killed my brain, and I haven’t watched it since. I’m glad you were able to survive the recent three-hour opener, though!

    Yeah, I take offense at stuff like that, too. Sex should be holy and revered, not cheapened with cherry-popping balloons. Geez. Sadly, after the season, you can bet EVERYONE will be asking him if he and his selected woman have done it. [Eyeroll.]

    1. Hey Meg! Haha yeah they are famous for their marathon episodes haha I wish I could follow your lead! Amen to that! And ugh yes – cue the Eyeroll for sure! Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

  7. I don’t watch the show but going from your synopsis, my concern is that people are so focused on the physical of “who will be the first” versus who has the good character to win his heart and share his values. Hopefully, he has enough common sense to ditch the ones who were so focused on the wrong thing.

    1. That’s such a great point. There are so many more important things to consider! Hugs and love xox

  8. Well said. I am not a religious person, but you are right that this is a choice. I had my virginity until 28. I never kissed a girl until I was serious about my to-be wife. And I was told I was good looking. Besides, I don’t think women will get treated with dignity if they do what do many men did, “take” one’s virginity as if a human being is a prize.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Yeah I didn’t like how the women were talking about it like that. Competition for that is not flattering to say the least. Hugs and love xox

  9. Omg I’ve never watched the bachelor before until this season. I only started watching it because it showed on HuluTV as a trending show so I decided to give it a shot. The entire time I was watching I was cringing. I hate how they made his virginity such a big deal. I wish more virgins would talk about there experience. Colton’s virginity is his personal opinion and shouldn’t have been discussed as much as it was. I will probably not watch the show again. Especially if it’s going to be anything like the first episode.

    1. Thanks so much Artra! Yeah the jokes and gimmicks were totally cringy for sure. I hope the episodes get better!! Hugs and love xox

  10. Yes. This.

    I’m often assumed by others to be asexual, or possibly demisexual, because I don’t act on sexual attraction. I am neither. And the last woman I dated accused me of being secretly gay because I don’t get a raging boner every time I see her (which I think also is related to the fact that I instinctively suppress my attraction to people I don’t know well – I had only known her for 25 days when this conversation happened, and we never spoke again – because of having Josh Harris-ism force-fed to me through much of my 20s, but that’s a different story).

    1. Thank you friend. Gosh, I’m sorry to hear that people accuse you or question you. That’s not cool at all. These matters are so individual. Yeah 25 days is such a short amount of time!! Hugs and love xox

    1. Hey there dear friend, gosh thank you. I was sooooo scared to publish this post – hence why it was so late! I went around and around and around. And finally i said, just do it!! Thanks for the encouragement! Love ya friend! Xox

      1. Good truth and encouragement is always the right choice and I am proud of you for bravely saying things that support and magnify Jesus. That is beautiful and even if it meets resistance, there will always be eternal rewards we can’t see yet that you will be grateful for later. And it is sweet obedience, fulfilling the great commission. Proud of you. Love you. Hugs!😄❤

      2. Thank you again. You are kind to say that. The great commission! Amen! I love the word commission – it communal and mission! We’re all on the journey towards heaven together! Hugs and love xox

  11. From one virgin to another, this post is DEAD ON. I cringed my way through the premiere after countless mentions and jokes about his virginity. It’s unfortunate that people are judged as weird or gay or whatever just because they make a different decision than the grand majority – despite passing zero judgment unto others’ sexual experiences.

    I’m not extremely religious and I’m not exactly saving myself for marriage. Similar to Colton, I want the relationship to have mutual love and respect, which unfortunately I have not found yet (all in due time). However, it’s something I’ve held on to for 24 years now and it’s almost more important to me now than it was 5 years ago. After waiting so long, I can’t give myself to just anyone!

    Thanks for writing your thoughts! I’m with ya. I’ll have to check out Ben and Ashley’s podcast to hear their comments 🙂

    1. Hey friend, gosh thank you so much for your encouraging words! And for sharing your heart. I feel you there! As it grows with you, it gains importance in your heart!! Yes do! It’s a great podcast – very entertaining 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  12. I totally agree with you!🙌🏻 I usually watch the bachelor/bachelorette every season when it comes on, but for this exact reason I won’t be watching it at all! I haven’t even watched the first episode this season because I knew that would be the main focus of the entire season. I don’t understand why they are make it a huge deal, especially when everyone knew about it on the last season!🤷🏼‍♀️

    1. Thanks so much Kylie!! Yeah they’re making it the center focus! It’s like come on, there’s so much more to this guy than his v card! Haha Hugs and love xox

  13. Thank you so much for this post. As I’m entering my twenties, there are fewer and fewer people who are also still virgins. It’s hard not to not chase my own desires. But thank you for the reminder that I should be using this time to motivate me to take care of others. This post was such an encouragement!

    1. Hi Sami! Wow thank you so much for your kind words. I’m glad that this encouraged you! Yeah growing up is weird, isn’t it?!! Haha but seriously though!! So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

  14. Ok, I am putting this out there. I don’t think any Child of God should be watching these types of shows. They come close to porn and they glorify premarital sex. As you said we were made by God our body is His temple. We defile the temple by watching such.

  15. 38 year old virgin here and yes, I know, 2 years shy of the big one. In this modern society, being someone who has chosen to remain celibate till the day he gets married, does raise quite a few eyebrows and dare I say it, comes with it own share of jokes and remarks.
    My being a virgin does stem from my faith in Christ. Being brought up in a Christian home, I was often told that having sex before being married was wrong, is wrong… Of course it also saves you from a lot of trouble. I mean if you look at the amount women having children out of wed-lock. Look at the shame and ridicule they have to face. Look at the number of children that don’t know what it is like to have both parents around. Look at the crimes of abortion, etc. Look at the number of regrets in relationships.
    Leaving out the faith factor, being a virgin in this modern world, does save us from having to join the ranks of those living with emotional pain, regrets and heartache.

    I have never seen a single episode of the bachelor. Perhaps I’m missing something, but I was never a fan of reality tv shows. Way too much hyped up acting and drama for my taste. When I was growing up, Friends was all the rage. What I learned from Friends was that sex was just about physical attraction, whereas true love, something far deeper. It is possible to have sex with someone and not love them.

    I suppose all those women who made those remarks on the show are only there for one thing, and you can be sure, its got nothing to do with love. If the Bachelor was truly about love, Colton’s virginity would never have been mentioned.

    Ok.. for those reading this and wondering, being a virgin at my age is rather strange. Yes.. it is not normal. Why have I not found the right person yet? Is it really that hard? Well… Yes…
    I’m not looking to get married to just any random person. If that’s the case, with my luck, she would probably look like a boiled horse with all the personality of a cactus. No.. I want to get married and live the rest of my life with the right person. I have faith that I will meet her; despite my age.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story! You brought up so many great and practical points here. Honestly, as much I love the bachelor, you’re not really missing much! Thank again for this powerful insight! Hugs and love xox

    2. @Julrxp: Your reply is spot on. I completely agree with what you are saying. However, I think that some heart break is necessary to grow as a person in order to become stronger. Being able to pick up the pieces just like in any struggle in life helps you grow emotionally. It’s hard to find “the one” on the first try but I know several who did! I found my husband quite quick but it wasn’t on the first try. It was fast though – within 3 months, probably because I had spent 21 years thinking deeply about what it was that I was looking for in a relationship. Sadly, many people think that they need to be with someone and it doesn’t matter who. I think that is why many people aren’t happy with their relationships. There is nothing wrong with choosing to be single. It’s a personal choice – but if you aren’t happy being single, you really have to ask yourself why and dig deeper. God bless xoxo

      1. @Hilary: Thanks for the reply. For me, being single means to be separate, unique and whole. We should remain so even when we are in a relationship. This ensures that our joy and life doesn’t depend on others; it depends on us.
        However I do believe that there is a deep need for companionship. It probably stems of our society, our environment, our upbringing or even our own biological urges. Wherever it comes from, it is there and we can’t deny it; that’s why some of us are completely serious in our search.

        I also agree that in every person’s life a little rain must fall. Life is full of disappointments are they help us grow, they help us build our character but they also baggage. It all depends on how you deal with disappointments. Some of us are good at picking up the pieces and moving on. Others drag their baggage into other relationships that follow and end up ruining them over and over again; making the same mistakes. I know this quite well; having my watched my own brother’s marriage fail and other relationships after. Now there’s even a child in Thailand who doesn’t know what it is like to have a loving father with her. It is a long story and hence why I choose not to rush into any form of a relationship; despite my age becoming an increasing factor.

        True love exists.. In Singapore, I was privileged to witness a lady in her early to mid 40s get engaged. The interesting thing is that she was a victim of a terror attack in Bali and had major 3rd degree burns all over her body. Obviously I guess she felt that who would love someone so badly disfigured. Well there was someone and he turned up in correct time. I guess that they are now married for more than 10 years and they are really happy.

        I believe the main article was focused on being a virgin in our modern society. I choose to be a virgin because my hope is that when I do finally meet Miss. Right, I hope to have a connection with her that is stronger and deeper than just physical. :))

      2. @Julrxp: thank you for replying to me! I honestly don’t know how to top that 😆 Completely agree with everything you said. Singapore is a beautiful country – I spent a couple weeks there last summer visiting some in-laws. And I agree. It is honestly never too late to find true love. My uncle married at age 50 and he seems happy too. I feel bad for those who think that love is primarily physical. Sex and intimacy should not be the primary component of a relationship and for those who think that way are in for a rude awakening… also, I feel that TV and media really emphasizes and portrays sex and relationships as glamorous. Society’s views in Canada (very much aligned with the US) do not resonate with me, personally. I’m traditional and boring. And I’m okay with that. I also like how you brought up the point of maintaining your own identity, whether single or not. I cannot stress how important it is to still remain authentic and have a strong sense of who you are. So so important. Thanks again for replying to me and taking the time to read this 🙂

  16. I liked your well written post… it resonated with my deep beliefs about making personal choices in-alignment with who we truly are or desire to be; our sense of “North”.
    By necessity, this (your comments) applies to well beyond the choice to remain physical virgins…
    Lifestyle choices; all personal choices, should be an individual decision and/or matter and no one should be or feel empowered to Judge or Bully another over such personal choices, which in-fact is what appears happened in this show…
    I have never watched it and, based on your post, I don’t believe I’ve missed anything.
    Love your posts so… keep going. 🙂

    1. Hey JP! Thank you so much for your thoughts on this! Yes! North! I completely agree – individual decisions for sure – ones that need to be respected! Hugs and love xox

  17. I am really amazed by your post today and I am happy I viewed it … I just hope people could understand the joy behind being a virgin and what that really means. Thanks

    1. Thank you so much! Gosh what a kind thing to say! Grateful for you 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      1. You’re welcome =) more blogs to right =) I’ve seen your tweet too. Is the blog that you said you need not to chicken out? hehe

        God bless you always! =)

  18. Great post! I don’t watch the show but the whole setup sounds very objectifying. It’s to sell the show but at the expense of the guy’s dignity. Glad you’re speaking up on this. I admire your faith and boldness.

    1. Thank you Johnzelle, yeah they’re definitely using that special part of him! Hugs and love xox

  19. Brave piece. Lovely that you feel so strongly and it is based in your faith. As you imply, people have no ‘right’ to lampoon and mock a life choice which is positive for the person who makes it. Never run with the crowd – why should the crowd be dominant?

    1. Hi Mari, thank you. Yeah I was terrified to push publish on this one. I agree – our life choices are simply that: our own individual choice! Hugs and love xox

  20. Inspiring! I appreciate your boldness in taking an uncommon stand, especially a stand on your faith in Jesus. Sad to see us now celebrating what we should be mourning, and mourning what should be celebrated. All mixed up!

    1. Oh thank you so much! Yes this world can be a backwards place at times. Hugs and love xox

  21. Honoring the Father is something the world disdains because of their father, the Devil. They dishonor their own bodies while ignoring and hating their Creator. Misaligning & mischaracterizing love as only a physical response to external stimuli.

    In honoring the Father you’re honoring your body by controlling those desires of the flesh.

    Keep the faith & God Bless.

    1. Thank you friend. Yeah, the thief tries to steal our joy and our future and our soul. Grateful that God is greater! Hugs and love xox

  22. The episode left me feeling uncomfortable, too. Let me say, saving myself for my husband was a decision I am so glad I made. Something so sacred should not be constantly joked about, and it was hard watching! Thank you for sharing your perspective! Love Ben’s comment, too! I need to start listening to their podcast.

    1. Thank you so much Carly, for sharing your story. What a beautiful love story you and your husband have! Yeah it’s a great podcast! Hugs and love xox

  23. I stopped watching it years ago because of all the kissing and physical stuff that made it seem the only way to find love was to “get out there” and trade pieces of yourself for the chance to win a rose and ring. How could I tell my daughters to value themselves yet be entertained by such action. My oldest actually called me on it because I didn’t date yet I’d watch the show and she saw the disconnect between what I said I believed her what I was encouraging by viewing the show and keeping ratings up. So I stopped watching it.

    My hope is that unlike other bachelorettes and such who have claimed this that he will choose to hold himself with integrity and not push the limits to where he may as well be having sex for all else he is doing. This sends the wrong message to people too.

    When we get honest, it’s not just about the virginity but about the purity that goes along with it. However the new trend among some young adults is to all bit engage in actual physical intercourse and tout virginity. If they exploit his virginity but he is able, as a now public figure for many, to hold himself with integrity and make this truly about finding love versus ratings and a lot of close-to-sex, he’d actually be doing the show a favor.

    I’m sure my mother will tell me all about it. She’s a super fan.

    1. Hey Shell! That’s such a great point. Especially with daughters – so true. Thank you ford hating such poignant and powerful thoughts. Lots of great stuff to mull over! Hugs and love xox

  24. Maybe the ageism detector in me is going crazy, but maybe there’s a certain level of ageism going on here? There just seems to be a certain expectation that you should be dating seriously by a certain age and lose your virginity by a certain age, and if you still are single and/or have your virginity by a certain age there must be something wrong with you (which isn’t the case, but that’s what society often tells us).

    1. Hey Brendan, that’s an interesting thought!! Hmm something to ponder for sure. Hugs and love xox

  25. Incredible and one-of-a-kind gift you will your husband on your wedding night.

    My wife and I raised our three sons to give the same gift to their wives on their wedding nights as well.

    (So far so good! Only one of them is currently dating, one is focusing all his time on college baseball and graduating in May, and the third says “getting married takes to long.”)

    1. Thank you so much Ed. Wow – that’s so awesome about your sons! Sounds like you’re doing something right! Hugs and love xox

  26. Myself and my husband have been together now for almost 14 1/2 years. We only became what I will call true Christians 3 years ago. We live a life of abstinence. We live together but we sleep in different beds. Our relationship is very loving and based on respect. Many people would never understand this. We are very happy people. We don’t feel as if we are doing without or missing anything, contrary to what this world would have us believe. We are very devoted to God and to each other, and to helping make this world a better place. Don’t ever let this world make you feel bad for your choices! God Bless

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story! Your closeness with God and one another is a beautiful thing 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  27. Thievery of: innocence, beauty, dignity, womanhood, manhood, grace, things is rampant. This is theft of dignity at its “finest”. It’s both sickening and disheartening that we who are female find turnabout as fair play. It’s not fair play, it’s demeaning, demoralizing, and downright disgusting.

    We are rightly outraged when women are raped; children are raped. We should be outraged. There ought not be excuses for this theft of dignity, this theft of self.

    These women have begun the same kind of grooming that predators use when seeking out their child or women victims.

    I hope at the end of all of this he chooses none of the above as each who mocked him will continue to take this from him rather allow him to give this gift of self to whomever he chooses and whomever is willing to give that gift of self to him in such a physically intimate way.

    1. Thank you so much Teri for this powerful powerful response. The dignity of women – and truly all people, and the family unit – is surely under attack in secular society. The world needs the Truth! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

    1. Hi Joy! Oh my gosh I LOVE THIS!! The Dignity Card! Let’s make that a thing! 👏🏼🙌🏼👏🏼🙌🏼👏🏼🙌🏼👏🏼 Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  28. Bless you sister. Thanks for sharing why you believe and practice your values with us. It means a lot that others like you find deep meaning in this. I like your reference to: Luke 22:19 “This is My body, given for you.” The world doesn’t understand why we value our bodies but in Christ we are made holy for him.

  29. Bless you. Thanks for your sharing. It’s encouraging that you are willing to share with us what society does not understand or cherish. Btw, I like your reference to Luke 22:19 “This is My body, given for you.” Christ’s body is our body, and our bodies are Christ’s body. That’s really cool.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. Yes! Isn’t that incredible when you really break it down like that?!! Hugs and love xox

  30. I think the Bachelor show is one of the worst reality shows out there. The fact that everyone is making fun of a personal choice annoys me, but Colten put himself out there and must be strong enough to handle the ridicule and judgments.

    I applaud self-control and honoring the Lord with our bodies.

    1. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this. Yeah, it certainly rubs me the wrong way too. We’ve gotta pray for Him! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  31. I have questions about the motives of people who strive so hard to get on such tv shows.

    Why are they there?
    What happens if they “win” or “lose?”
    What have been the experiences of previous participants, after the “game” is over?

    It is hard enough to find real love without all the added attention and artifice. Once you have love, you will know it is lasting, and you will not need to watch any more.

    Virginity has always been a choice for free people. But, there is life after;)

    1. Hey there Von! Those are great questions. Ones that truly reveal the motives behind the why. I would have to agree. Amen! Life after! Hugs and love xox

  32. I usually like your posts. But I’m not so fond of this one. You write as if chastity is one of many equally valid “choices”. It’s not-at least Biblically. You seem to be fearful of judging others by telling the truth. As if that were the most important value. Sorry, but that’s disappointing.

    1. Hi Spencer, thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. I think what you may be reading into, is that, I am not here to judge. We are all on our own journeys. And this topic is one that everyone is going to make their own decision on – and believe me, I recognize how difficult of a decision it is to make or keep or what have you. Emotion and love and getting caught up in the moment is a powerful force. I so get that. With this piece, I wanted to just share *my* decision, *my* heart and *my* faith on something that is very close and important to me, without casting any judgment on the decisions of others. Because who am I to do so? I’m sorry this piece was disappointing to you. “A spoonful of sugar” if you know what I mean 😉 I do appreciate you stopping by and being such a faithful reader and friend 🙂 I truly value this feedback! Hugs and love xox

  33. We watched the premiere on Hulu last night. Being able to fast forward through all of the non-show stuff was a small blessing. However, I totally agree with your take on this. It was sickening and over the top. God Bless You for your opinion and willingness to share this very personal decision with the world! Have a great day!

    1. Hi Todd, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. Haha yeah lots of live party footage! I enjoyed the park city scene though, as the bar they were at is my all time favorite on Main Street and I frequent it when my family goes skiing! Over the top for sure. Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

  34. How sad and what a commentary on our society as a whole that his virginity was the subject of the entire show. It’s too bad that instead of focusing on what his virtues as a potential husband were, they were making jokes and innuendos. How utterly humiliating that must have been for him. Good for both of you for keeping that precious gift for your future spouse. My husband and I were both virgins before we married. And I really think we are doing our children and future children a disservice by being made to think we are in the minority. Granted, we were married almost 14 years ago now, but that pressure was still there. The pressure has definitely increased, and again, I think it’s a very sad commentary on our society and what it values. Stick to God’s values (as you do!), they are never changing 🙂 God Bless!

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. Yeah he was very brave for putting that out there. And thank you for sharing your story! What a beautiful love story you and your husband share! You’re right about that – it certainly shows society’s values! Hugs and love xox

  35. I, too am very disappointed that they are making him a national joke, although I cannot seem to be surprised! You are spot on! Praise the Lord for people who have restraint and carry their “v” card with honor and pride. I did until marriage and it was completely worth it bc God provided a virgin for me too.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful love story! 🙂 how absolutely special. God is good. yeah it makes me sad to see him as the butt end of all those jokes! Hugs and love xox

  36. Than you for this message. Following God’s will for our lives is not always easy — as you point out — but it certainly is fulfilling! God bless.

  37. All 3 of my girls are addicted to The Bachelor. All of them were truly disgusted by Monday’s show. My youngest, almost 18, is praying (literally) that this young man holds out for marriage. My cynical almost-20 and 23 year-olds are telling her it won’t happen. They’re positive that the entire point of this season is the build-up to watching him become “deflowered.” What a great message the show is delivering.

    1. Hey Amy! Thank you so much for this powerful response. Aww – yes! I will join her in that prayer! Yeah when you think about that, it really is disgusting and disappointing! Hugs and love xox

  38. What a beautiful gift you give to us in sharing, and to your husband in waiting. You are a delightful treasure. Sometimes the enemy draws attention to what the world values to humiliate those who remain pure, but it backfires. Instead we are awakened to our own desire to be treasured.

    1. Thank you so much Karisa! I really appreciate your kind words. Amen to that! Treasured! Hugs and love xox

  39. I don’t watch the Bachelor. That said, I do believe God can (and has) used Colten’s testimony and yours to share His intention and definition of what real love is. As Christians, that is our purpose and design to share His glory. Staying true to Him as Lord is challenging (to say the least) in today’s society; however, it is wonderful to know that God still has those who truly love and honor Hiim, particularly in the area of sexual purity!

    1. Hi Angie! Thank you so much for this encouraging response 🙂 you’re right about that! It is certainly challenging in today’s world! Hugs and love xox

  40. Great insight. One of my heroes is Tim Tebow, another gifted man in athletics who chose to reveal his virginity and pump his faith. Courage to follow what you believe is in short supply today.

  41. Ah! Great post! Thank you for sharing your heart. If only people knew how truly precious purity is! By God’s grace, my husband and I waited to have sex until marriage…and the fight for purity continues in what we say, what we think, what we watch, and (of course) the relationships we have with others. But, it’s such a good, sweet fight because it requires deeper and deeper intimacy with Jesus.
    My older sister always used to say that “boundaries preserve life.” How true. God’s boundaries aren’t there to keep us from having fun, they’re there so we can flourish in true love, holiness, and JOY! I love the parallel you made with us and Christ. I thought of how “for the joy set before Him [he] endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of God.” In suffering for the sake of the glory of God there is deep joy…because we know who our God is and we believe His promises will all be fulfilled.
    We will be ONE with Him…and He has always, always been more than enough to satisfy.
    Cheering you on!
    Peace!

    1. Thank you so much Donielle! I really appreciate you sharing your story. What a beautiful love story you and your husband share! Yes! So we can flourish!! Thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

  42. Thank you for sharing! I admire your commitment. One regret I have is not waiting, which was my original desire in HS. I don’t watch the Bachelor, but it really was disturbing to read your account from the episode. I almost question why he would want to put himself in the position. I hope he stands firm and doesn’t give in to the sexual exploitations of the women AND producers. I worked in the industry years ago, and I remember the manipulation tactics used to make the shows interesting and exciting for the viewers.

    1. Hey friend! Thank you so much for sharing your story. Yeah the producers are really the forgotten factor here. They practically write the show with manipulation tactics. Now THAT is gross! Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

  43. I didn’t watch the episode (may catch it later on a streaming service), but what you described the women doing and acting as they met him turned my stomach. Can you imagine if this was The Bachelorette and the woman was a virgin, and the men coming out of the limos put on a similar display? The uproar (I hope) would be tremendous. Colton should be treated with respect and dignity, period. Virginity isn’t something to be made fun of–it is a personal choice, an important choice, and in this day and age, a difficult choice given everything we’re surrounded with as a society. I understand the franchise likes to work an angle to drum up viewership, but what they have displayed thus far in this episode is absolutely disgusting. I hope there were some women who didn’t make his virginity a joke, or a goal, and the ones that did he discards as expediently as possible.

    1. Thank you so much Lisa, for your kind words. Yeah the uproar would be deafening. I agree. Really disappointing on ABC’s part! Hugs and love xox

  44. BBB:

    Thank you for raising awareness on this issue! While I do not watch much television and missed this show, I know people have found it interesting. Let me offer a few insights.

    Chastity in singleness used to be considered preparation for chastity in marriage. (See review: Single but not Alone: Soul Virgin at https://t2pneuma.net/2014/01/27/single-but-not-alone-soul-virgin/) Colton obviously takes marriage seriously.

    Colton may also be aware of the downside of promiscuity. The most recent CDC report states:

    Half of STDs are among young people ages 15 to 24 years. These infections can lead to long-term health consequences, such as infertility; they can facilitate HIV transmission; and they have stigmatized entire subgroups of Americans.

    Cases reported for Syphilis, Chlamydia, and Gonorrhea rose 31 percent over the period from 2012 to 2017 showing infection among 2.3 million Americans in 2017 (https://www.cdc.gov/std/stats17/2017-STD-Surveillance-Report_CDC-clearance-9.10.18.pdf). In case you are wondering, women are more likely to be infected than men and as a consequence the infertility rates among women is rising.

    While this is not a fun topic to raise, it is important to be fully informed before you become a statistic. The pastoral mentor that introduced me into youth ministry later died from AIDS, another un-fun topic. I only wish that I had been better informed back then.

    1. Thank you so much Stephen, for sharing your thoughts on this. Such powerful statistics! I’m sorry to hear that about your mentor. May he rest in peace. Hugs and love xox

      1. It took a while before I was willing to talk about my mentor, I guess, because being straight I did not want people reaching the wrong conclusions. I came clean, however, in 2017 when I published my memoir, Called Along the Way (www.T2Pneuma.com), where I explored my spiritual roots.

        Returning, however, to the chastity discussion, I under-reported the risk to promiscuity in my comments above. Hepatitis and AIDS should both be listed as STDs today, but are not typically treated in the same statistics.

        The CDC estimates that 1.1 million Americans are currently living with AIDS and about a third of them are women who contracted the disease from a partner, using a philandering husband or bisexual boyfriend. Another 3.5 million are infected with hepatitis C, which can also be transmitted to a partner. Adding 2.3+1.1+3.5 = 6.9 million ways you can get into trouble through promiscuity. If half of all STDs are caught by people 15-24 years of age, then we are talking about about 3 percent of that population having serious medical issues.

        Ouch! I hope that I have not spoiled anyone’s weekend.

  45. I haven’t owned a TV in years. I don’t pretend to be virtuous, though, in that I still watch movies on Amazon Prime. However, I do try to keep my satanic-Hollywood connection down to a roar.

    Halfway thru your post i broke down in tears and had to stop and go back to finish it later. I was brainwashed-mind-controlled thru magazines, movies, TV, etc. as were so many others, sadly, into the ways of the world and fell for it all the way.

    If I had my life to live over I’d try harder to hold out. I put it that way b/c someone here balked at the idea of sex w/o marriage being a choice and I agree, to a point. It’s like cigarettes. One is too many and 1,000 never enough.

    Our twisted anti-Christ society holds out that 1 to the youth and then it’s the thousand that never seems to be enough. A “culture” addicted to sex.

    Thank you so much for your blunt honesty, I do so appreciate it, as you give me hope for the human race. ” I have reserved to myself seven thousand men, who have not bowed the knee to the image of Baal.”

    1. Thank you so much Valerie, oh gosh – I’m sorry it brought up that swell of emotion. You’re so right – the world will do everything in its power to trap us in the its ways. I so appreciate you sharing your story. Grateful for you. Hugs and love xox

  46. I totally agree! It’s unfortunate that they are making the whole center of their season based on a personal choice he has made that absolutely has nothing to do with anyone else’s preference. I’m with you. I wish people would be more respectful instead of making fun. Sadly such is society. I loved what you shared about your own personal choice. God bless!

    1. Thank you so much Yvonne! You’re so right about that!! Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  47. So so good! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Isn’t it so like the world to mock his goal of purity? The world is such a dirty place sometimes that scorns the pure because it shines a light just on how depraved a place it can be sometimes. Here’s to making the difficult choice of sanctification daily, no matter the cost!

    1. Thank you so much Rachel! I really appreciate your encouraging words! Yes! To difficult choices!

  48. To my wonder friend. Thank you for being the person that you are. Your stand is yours, your conviction is to be admired. As an old Dad, there are many conversations which would bring on needs for consideration. You stay where you are and remember that the most important factor is to know where you stand with your relationship with God. You are one to be Loved and admired. John

    1. Thank you so much John for sharing your thoughts and for offering so many nuggets of wisdom here. Yes! Our relationship with the Father! Hugs and love xox

  49. I don’t watch any of those shows, but the overwhelming feeling I got when I read this post was that if the tables were turned, and there were a bunch of guys talking about “taking” a woman’s virginity, the creep factor would be off the charts, and the guys would be thought of in a negative light. One of my friends used to tell her teenaged kids, “You can always take the step to become what they are, but they can never go back in time to be what you are.”

    I think yes, there are people who don’t understand the motivation to save that gift for your spouse, but there are also others who may have regrets about their life choices and can only make themselves feel better by mocking people for being strong in areas they themselves were not. You know how misery loves company.

    Our middle son got engaged over Christmas, and he and his gal are planning an April wedding because they understand the temptation of “well, we’re going to be married anyway . . .” and they’re determined to do things right. When people express surprise at the close wedding date, we explain that the only people who have super-long engagements are usually the ones who are already sleeping together.

    And honestly . . . he’s only 26? And they’re acting like he’s abnormal? I know a LOT of young adults who still carry their V card and it’s not even thought of as odd by anyone they know.

    1. Thanks so much Lynda. You’re so right about that! There would be outcry if it were reversed! Congrats on your son’s engagement. How very exciting! Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  50. There was a time not all that long ago that the women on this show would have been the ones facing ridicule. There is absolutely nothing wrong with holding on to your virginity; in fact, it actually used to be not only acceptable but expected. I hope that this young man and Tim Tebow set examples for how men can actually be.

    1. Thank you so much Diane for sharing your thoughts on this. Yes! Tim Tebow is another strong example! Hugs and love xox

  51. I was raised Catholic and saved myself for marriage, despite temptations along the way. I applaud Colton, Tim Tebow, and you for waiting for the right person and not believing sex is the only thing in life.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Stephanie. Yeah Tim Tebow is another great example for young me to look up to! Young women too, for that matter! Hugs and love xox

  52. G_d “designed us to fit together perfectly, in a love that produces life: life giving love.” I am sure that Mary and Joseph walked among whispers and jeers about their choice of chastity, for believing and following the request of the Creator. There is nothing in Scripture which suggests that loving as G_d as loves us will be easy in this world, but your faith in that loving G_d will make it doable.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this! You’re so right – I cannot imagine the gossip the endured back then! Hugs and love xox

  53. If you asked me, being a virgin, and having the guts to announce it should be something to be admired and respected instead of ridiculed. Unfortunately in this day and age, people applaud immorality and look down on someone who actually does the right thing. For that, I admire you and your integrity.

  54. Dear Beauty:
    Thank you for challenging the abuse this Man of Virtue has been called to endure.
    Having moral values today should be applauded, not attacked.
    Good on you for standing up for the right.

  55. ABC is kind of high on commercials and I’m not surprised a high earner was given three hours which would be close to an hour of commercials. Our parents and grandparents generations did things earlier but also had less of a relationship towards media itself. There were no Tide pods swallowed. There were actually 3x less virgins two generations ago in the same age range. High earning shows, influence their micro culture but think about the show itself. Paid contestants, agreeing to an arranged marriage. That’s wrong, on a lot of levels. Good news, you are among 14 million millennial virgins. I mean, if that was what you were also looking for.

    1. Thank you Kenzie. Yeah there was definitely a lot of ads that night! Wow what a statistic! Surprising and encouraging!

      1. Another point you seemed to make as a similarity to the show that virginity, outside of religion is seemingly less attractive. I seem to have the opposite effect myself. As once thought to be in love I’m looked down upon. If Hosea can marry someone like me, I guess anything is possible.

      2. I think you misunderstood me. Because I was not judging positively or negatively on anything. I was simply stating my own situation

      3. You’re angry about the misrepresentation of the Bachelor on virginity. Even in our own micro culture of religion it is represented as greater. So. I think I get it. You know my past. That’s where things lay. That the idea somehow, we can have the same religion but I’m somehow, unclean. Always.

      4. Thank you for clarifying. I am definitely not angry. Just a little disappointed

      5. Dear friend:
        I was raised in a family oriented religion where immorality and divorce are not looked upon kindly.
        I was married and divorced 3 times. Each of these women went outside the marriage to amuse themselves because I was apparently boring them.
        The fact I remained virtuous and true to my marriage vows was in-consequential in the eyes of many in the church, and I have been looked upon as some kind of pariah.
        I have related strongly with Hosea, and realized that I will be my own judge. We must work out our own relationship with God.
        The fact is, those who judge us as unclean, are themselves revealing a lack of understanding, as we are judged as we judge others.
        Only we can choose to be unclean, no matter the opinions of the world.
        Do your best, and rely on the Atonement of Christ to make up the rest, and you in no wise will be disappointed when you stand before God to hear the glorious words: “Well done, thou good and faithful servant, enter into the rest of your Lord.”

  56. I don’t watch this show. As someone who waited a very long time to lose my virginity who is now married with a toddler, losing one’s virginity is not a race. It bugs me that society places so much emphasis on sexuality and glamorizes apps like Tinder, TV, and magazines to name a few. I feel like virginity is a rare thing these days, which may explain why The Bachelor producers chose to make a season around it. However, this is not how real life works – these are unrealistic expectations. I bet that when he does “lose” his virginity, the relationship isn’t going to last. True love isn’t built on a TV show. True love takes time to grow and flourish. I think rushing into a relationship in a mere 15weeks? 13weeks? (How long is a season?) is a very bad idea with a very bad ending 💔

    1. Thank you so much Hilary, for sharing your story. You’re so right – it’s not a race! Amen! Hugs and love xox

  57. I don’t watch TV, so I hadn’t even heard about the new Bachelor, but that is so sad how the show is literally bashing on being a virgin… It sounds like they are rushing him to give himself away, as though that’s the only “right” and “normal” thing to do. But what’s “normal” is working to break down the family and the very definition of love in America.
    I don’t know what kind of background the bachelor is coming from, but all we can do is pray that he stands his ground. Maybe, somehow, someway, a good message will come out of this craziness.
    Thank you for sharing your story, and for reminding me why it’s so important to wait and to pursue Jesus first, foremost, and always.

    1. Thank you so much Sarah Jo for sharing your thoughts on this. Yes! I will join you in that prayer 🙂 I hope a good messages comes out of it too! Hugs and love xox

  58. Great post. I honestly believe that this is a prime example of how the current movement centered around respect and equality is not being used in its full spectrum. It’s wrong to “slut-shame” a woman, yet it’s okay to “virgin-shame” a man? It’s horrible and inexcusable. Toxic maaculinity is also wrong and disgusting, if there were a bunch of men morbidly suggesting taking the virginity of a woman via jokes and balloons (in this present time) it would be condemned as harassment and unacceptable. What they’re doing to him is gross and unacceptable as well and no network should get away with it.

    1. Thank you so much for your support, Elle. I agree – respect and dignity for every single person! Hugs and love xox

  59. Thanks for sharing that, I really like how you brought out that Gods love is a life giving love, and how we are made in his image! Thanks keep up the posts they are encouraging

      1. I love visiting you in this place you’ve made … it’s an oasis and the well is your heart. I hope you will listen to my songs and find some spare beauty in the bones. – Tony

  60. Certain sects of society today, or I could just str8 up say that a vast majority of society in the West, are always reminding people to accept differences or to be more sensitive to people with various “differences” yet that only seems to apply to certain groups with specific differences and that’s actually VERY hypocritical.

    These folks also heavily reminds us about bullying yet what was done to this guy on The Bachelor is bullying. Point. Blank. Period. Had he been a gay man and men or women were plotting and discussing in a mocking way how they’re going to make him have sex with a woman that would be seen immediately as bigotry, hate speech, even acts of violence and The Bachelor would get pulled from television. Todays society is morally bankrupt. Bad is called good and good is called bad and people are pressured to deny and exchange their personal beliefs and convictions for what the world deems as acceptable even if it goes against God.

    Virgins are treated the way they are in society I believe because virgins, for many, produce a level of conviction in many persons who actually wish they had the same self-control, and for many, virgins (without actually saying anything besides the fact that they’re a virgin) make people who are not virgins feel like that they’re dirty for some reason. It’s not the virgin’s fault but it’s the conscience of man being abruptly reminded of God’s original intention for the human body and the reason sex was created. So in order to mitigate or remove altogether that feeling pricking the conscience and heart, they decide to pressure, manipulate, and bully the virgin into losing their virginity.

    Instead of simply respecting someone’s personal choice they decide to mock them. It’s despicable. Christ told us beforehand what type of world this generation would be a part of. We’re also reminded in scripture not to conform to the pattern of this world but we ought to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

    Being a virgin shouldn’t have to be something so exceptionally unusual and deserving of applaud but because society is drifting away from God, virginity is rare and I applaud virgins and admire their level of self-control in a society brimming over with sex in films, images, dialogue, books, I mean you name it. Most comedians can’t seem to tell a joke if it isn’t something sexual.

    What I will say about virgins is not to get cocky, not to become self-righteous because being a virgin, though it’s rare, isn’t actually purity in its entirety. It’s a choice to remain pure in one particular area but it doesn’t mean that person is holy because of it. I see tons of Christian ministries making lots of money targeting women and have placed virginity on a pedastal as though it is THE outward sign of purity but there are many people who are virgins but are not loving, not forgiving, unkind, etc etc.

    True holiness and purity is found in Christ Jesus and isn’t merely abstinence from sex but is denying ourselves, taking up our cross daily and following Christ, loving God and loving others the way He says and the way the world defines it.

    I apologize for being so long winded but I am so tired of societies hypocrisy and blatant double standards. I am tired of it but not surprised by it. These folks hate God and the Lord did say a servant is not greater than the master. We will face ridicule for choosing the right way but we gotta just keep on keepin on in the faith knowing our God is faithful. Thanks for talking about this Caralyn.

    1. Thanks SLR for sharing your thoughts on this. Lots of powerful food for thought here. Keep on keepin on – amen to that 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  61. That really shows what is most valued or devalued in our world today. It’s like if virginity is a disease. Purity is something that is to be protected as it’s all that our God requires that we be pure and preserve our purity in Christ. I am proud when I hear men stand for purity it shows that we women have hope for husbands that will also value ours and our relationship with Jesus.

    1. Thank you so much Delisa for sharing your thoughts on this. Yes! Colton is definitely showing strength! Hugs and love xox

  62. Wow ! Such amazing blog, I’m happy you liked the poem. Be sure to follow if you like the reads! I’ll be following after this ! Haha

  63. Thank you for this, God has been very clear about our purity and it is intended for the best reason and purpose. Society and the world thinks and says the opposite and today we are caught up in this horrible dilemma on having to answer “What, you are still a virgin?”. God’s design for humanity is so perfect, our goal is only to please Him and HIM alone and this is faithfulness. The prize for this is eternal and awaits all who are faithful to Him. Fantastic post, just yesterday I was chatting with a Pastor and we were talking about what we are faced with in society today. This post comes as fresh air, the world in not as bad as we see it is! Thank you for being a great witness for Jesus!

    1. Thanks so much friend for sharing your thoughts on this! I really appreciate your encouraging words. Amen! Him alone! Hugs and love xox

  64. Honestly and truthfully, why wouldn’t this fall under “Me Too”. These women are harassing this man on the basis of what they say. They should be fired honestly, for the disrespect coming out of their mouths. It’s upsetting to hear women speak like this on national television and still get paid to be on the show. I don’t understand this country at all.
    I’m glad (I pray this bachelor is truthfully) he’s a virgin. I hope he represents what it means to be a virgin, who honored God with his body. I am greatly to see God’s legacy moving into mainstream, but I pray its all for the right intentions. Great post!

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this! That’s such a great point. I’ll join you in that prayer! Hugs and love xox

  65. YES, YES, YES! A THOUSAND times YES! THANK YOU for sharing this! Amen sister! Like you, I am still a virgin as well. While I didn’t watch the episode last night, I certainly heard enough about the promos and trailers to get the idea. Again like you, I was disgusted beyond reason. The way the media treats his virginity. I’m proud of him for having the courage to stand up and say that even though it should take no courage at all. If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to do my own piece on this.

    1. Hey Megan! Oh my gosh thank you so much for your encouraging words. I’m proud of him too! Would love to read your post! Hugs and love xox

      1. I meant to add that I’m also proud of you for talking about your own virginity. Talking about it shouldn’t be taboo. If someone like us wants to keep it until they meet the right person, then I agree, it shouldn’t be a problem or something to make fun of. Thank you for responding so fast as well.

      2. Thank you. Yeah I was really nervous to push publish on this one, so I really appreciate you saying that 🙂

  66. Thank you for being counter-culture. It’s very disappointing that purity has somehow become a joke. And in the “Me Too” age, to rob one of their sexual choice should be looked upon both seriously and disapprovingly. Another good and insightful blog.

  67. I completely agree with you! It is so sad society can take what is pure and innocent and turn it into a joke. It sends such a negative message to those who are on the fence about maintaining their own purity. Thank you for taking a stand against that message. I enjoyed reading your post!

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! I wish they would treat his decision with more respect too. Hugs and love xox

  68. I love this so much!! Society makes such a big deal out of being a virgin or not having “enough” sex and I’ve never understood it. I wanted to wait until I was married, but ended up giving my virginity to my husband about 4 years before we were married, and I in turn was given his. He told me in that moment he considered us married. I know I’m very lucky and that doesn’t happen for everyone.

    But honestly good for you for speaking to this and being so strong!

    1. Thank you so much, for sharing your story! How special that the two of you share that together. Thanks again Hugs and love xox

  69. Thank you for sharing what must seem like a courageous post in our crazy society.
    I think this points to a few serious double-standards in our culture’s view of sexuality. If a bunch of men went around at work offering to pop a virgin co-worker’s cherry, there would be grounds for sexual harassment charges (rightfully so). But, in our society, if a man who had chosen to save himself from marriage faced such treatment, it would be a whole different situation: something is clearly wrong with him if he does not want sex; he should consider himself lucky that women think of him that way, etc.
    Now, on top of that, we have TV shows whose focus is trying to coerce people into having sex. I’m not sure a virgin bachelorette would expect better treatment in a TV show.

    1. Thank you so much Michael for sharing your thoughts on this. Double standards for sure. Hugs and love xox

  70. I enjoyed reading your post! I completely agree with you on how wrong the narrative is. I chose not to watch this season because of how they are treating his virginity. They didn’t handle it right on Becca’s season either when he finally told her and she just walked away to go process it. It then became such a gimmick and they used it again with the Bachelor in Paradise. It’s frustrating to see it becoming such a label on him, which is such a double standard in a world that opposes labels and stereotypes. Now, Colton has said it’s not for religious reasons and he is just waiting for the right person but I’m frustrated that he even has to justify it at all. It’s not cool. Anyway, just my two cents. 💁🏼‍♀️ Thanks for the good read!!

    1. Thank you so much Gracie, I appreciate your kind words on this! I agree – Becca’s situation was handled so poorly too. Hugs and love xox

  71. Thanks for this powerful article! I’m a virgin too, I’m saving sex for marriage, when we can completely give ourselves to each other, our whole being, soul and body, forever. I hate that the world makes fun of purity and convinces so many teens that they need to start having sex to be cool.

  72. I hear you! I waited until marriage with my first husband. And despite many rude comments, I am waiting on my incarcerated husband to come home remaining faithful and true to him. I’m glad I didn’t watch. I’d be disgusted too!

    1. Thank you so much Lisa for sharing your story. Know that I am in your corner. You are demonstrating true unconditional love and that is a beautiful thing. Hugs and love xox

  73. Okay, my turn. As a United Methodist, my original plan was to wait until my wedding night.

    Let’s just say that didn’t happen. And I hate it. I gave my virginity to my abusive ex-boyfriend when we were in college. We were both virgins. Granted, back then, I was almost 100 percent sure we were going to get married after graduation. But I digress. We had sex for the first time before I started realizing the signs of abuse. I know now, however, that he was consistently abusive and manipulative, especially with sex. It makes my skin crawl to think about it.

    In 2010, when I met Al, I knew early on that he wanted to have sex with me. This time, the tables were turned – He was a virgin. And I was perfectly okay with that! The man had never kissed anyone until our first date. He was 25, I was 22. I was incredibly flattered that he wanted to be with me and make love to me. However, since the wounds were still so fresh form my previous relationship, I asked him kindly if he would wait until I told him I was ready. Thankfully, he respectfully agreed. It wasn’t too long after that, that we had sex for the first time. If we’re being honest, it felt really good. It felt like the first time for me. And I knew he was happy and satisfied. At that point, we both knew (without telling each other) that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

    In retrospect, I still wish I had waited. However, on our wedding night, it sort of felt like the first time. It felt fresh, new, and different. I definitely cried!

    I have never watched The Bachelor. I’ve just had no interest. I’ve lost interest in most reality shows, the one exception being re-runs of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition on YouTube. But, I can see why people watch it. How it’s a guilty pleasure for many. All the drama, the gossip, the predictions, and the conversation/watch parties among friends and family.

    Do I agree with it? No. Absolutely not. I felt my stomach churning throughout your post. But, as always, good on you for raising your voice and spreading awareness! No one should be shamed like that – Ever!

    1. Thank you so much Laura Beth. Gosh I am just so sorry that you weren’t treated with the respect and dignity that you deserve. No person deserves an abusive relationship. My heart breaks that you had to endure that. And thank you for sharing your beautiful love story with Al. God definitely brought you two together for a reason 🙂 so glad you stopped by!! Yes – definitely stomach churning, that episode was. Hugs and love xox

      1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I share my story whenever possible. I agree – Everything happens for a reason. God has had a huge hand in EVERYTHING in my life. You’re awesome! XOXO

  74. Seriously, I feel for the poor guy. If I were him, I’d be like, “Well. Yeah, I think I’ve had enough public humiliation. I’m just going to leave now. Bye.”

    But I guess it leaves me wondering if he knew how much they were going to play up the whole “I call first dibs on his virginity!” before he signed the contract. He must have had some idea. I mean, considering Hollywood’s whole anti-abstinence, anti-virginity stance, he had to have had some suspicion at the very least.

    1. Right?! Yeah he’s really brave to put himself out there like that. I’ll be praying for his heart for sure. Yeah – hard to tell but I’m sure he knew some of this would be there. Thanks for stoppping by ! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you!! You’re on a reading roll! Haha it really is such a great podcast. Especially if youre a Bach fan! Ben and Ashley are top knotch people!

  75. You’re not a minority at all. One, there are billions of virgins in the world. Two, the generation under yours is putting off having sex because they don’t want babies young, and STDs. They want to concentrate on getting careers etc. That’s the stats that I read. They are less likely todo drugs and alcohol too.

    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement! What an interesting statistic! Hugs and love xox

  76. But I am a little puzzled here. If he is a virgin, why is he going on a show where the women he will be meeting – and presumably choosing from are clearly not virgins and think his virginity is a joke. I don’t get it.

    1. Hmmm that’s strange. I’ll check my spam folder to see if it mistakenly got filtered. So sorry!

  77. I’m disgusted too! I marvel, what would the response have been if the same ridicule occurred and the person in question was a female? Would there have been outrage? If any female were approached the same way, would it have been considered sexual harassment etc? There’s been another show where the 30ish woman wanted to find a relationship that lead to marriage and I sat stunned and mortified as man after man rejected her because she was a virgin! It spoke volumes to me and the conclusion of it was that none of them were worthy of her.
    What you are and have is rare and beautiful, elevating what that type of relationship is to the sacred station it was meant to be….not the dime store, garage sale type it’s so often become today.

    1. Hi Laura, thank you so much for your thoughts on this. Yeah, if it were the reverse there’d be rioting in the streets. Thank you for your encouraging words. it means a lot. hugs xo

  78. I’m glad there are still people who believe that God’s plan for sex inside marriage is a beautiful thing. People don’t realize how they distort sex and bring harm to themselves and others when they view sex as a sport. God designed it this way for a reason, and those who choose the biblical way should not be ashamed. One of the reasons I enjoy your blog is you are firm in your beliefs while being gracious and kind. Thank you!

    1. Thank you Matthew, yes, I am definitely still one of those people! thanks for taking the time to read. big hugs xox

  79. Hurray – someone brave enough to stand by their beliefs. You won’t regret it – regret comes with giving it away when the person wasn’t committed to you and you’re 17 and pregnant, that was my experience. Maybe your post can change that outcome for someone else.

    1. Thank you so much for your encouraging words, and for sharing your story. Your story will be a blessing to someone else, too, and deserves to be told 💛 big big hugs to you friend xox

  80. This is really sweet. I can’t see anything here to be offended by or to ridicule….even by people whose beliefs are different. There is so much pressure to be this, that or the other these days. It’s wonderful that You are solid in who You are and love/respect Yourself and Your womanhood the way You do. Happy You published! I agree with Your friend. You may well have given courage to some young women who are shy/embarrassed to be who they truly are! Cheers and rock on!!! 🙂

    1. Hey again friend. Gosh I appreciate you being in my corner and for your wonderfully affirming words. It means the world. Hope you have a beautiful Tuesday! Hugs and love xox

  81. I was just going to like this and move on, but I really appreciate that you wrote this. It’s very easy to just assume that the majority is right about something, and frankly, there aren’t a lot of _logical_ reasons for abstinence, but there are very good doctrinal reasons and most of the time people just ignore that.

    I’m glad that you’re secure in your decision (and, of course, hope you’re happy in it, because I know that it’s not always easy) and pray that you continue to encourage others, both in this and in every other aspect of a Christ-centered life.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement! I really appreciate you taking the time to respond!! Have a beautiful day! Hugs and love xox

  82. Proud of you for addressing this. Taking your sexuality seriously is nothing to be ashamed of. Although I don’t watch the show, I feel the same way as you – its horrible how they are handling this. My prayer is that this guy, whether he is a believer or not, doesn’t let go of what is important. I hope he flips the tables and speaks into the lives of the women on the show to remind them they are worth SO MUCH MORE than being a conquest!

    1. thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I will join you in that prayer! yes!! so true! hugs xo

  83. Well said here, friend, agree with you partly.
    Now, since my previous comment in your latest post, let me be congruent with my word and say it.
    Really dig the philosophy of “chose your choices,” some call it “pick your poison” and I can see how the reckless need to express sexual energy has gotten our planet and entire race into one of the heaviest burdens: overpopulation; and opening myself with my personal project for this year, Self-control.
    Yet, I really see no difference between losing our physical virginity and letting our minds be abused by unclean thoughts, dirty double meaning jokes and get repeatedly penetrated (for just one second, not even for three hours!) by ideas that have a deceiving agenda that’s not our well being, and are definitely not in accordance with truth, and choosing to stay put. I mean, how can we be sure the kid really IS a virgin and not playing a role like any payed actor looking for some momentary fame would? And please don’t tell me that’s not plausible, dear!
    Didn’t the Carpenter said something about looking the other way?
    How about being a TV virgin, how about that?
    Believe me you powerful, unstoppable woman, to be sharing only my truest faith with you here, spirit takes the same damage when we use our bodies to indulge in empty desires than when we let our minds get pregnant by deceit.

    -A

    1. Hi A, wow you’re on a reading roll! thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and heart about this important topic. you definitely bring up a lot of powerful points here. I think you’re right, our minds and our bodies need to both align for sure. lots of great food for thought, thank you!! hugs xox

  84. Just all the YES! I don’t watch it, and I won’t allow my girls to tune in either because, well I want them pursued rather than be the pursuer. Anyways, when my husband and I got married 20 years ago, we were virgins and a lot of people that we knew where shocked! One of the girls I waited tables with asked me “How will you know and he know that you’re good?” to which I replied, “If we have nothing to compare it to, then I think we’re going to be awesome.” I pray over our 4 kids purity everyday. You are awesome! Thanks for posting!!

    1. thank you so much!!! I am so touched by your kind words. And i really appreciate you sharing your beautiful love story that you and your husband share. that gives me great hope! I will add your kids to my prayer list! sounds like they’ve got some pretty awesome parents to look up to!! hugs xox

    1. Thank you so much Corrie, gosh, i am touched and humbled by your generous words. you’re right – we all have our perspectives.. that’s what make the world interesting to say the least! glad you stopped by! big hugs xox

  85. The world needs more young women like you who stand up for living a life according to God’s word. I know it can’t be easy. It seems the expectation of dating is to make sex a part of the relationship from the beginning. I’ve been married 35 years to the best guy in the world. We were both virgins when we married in 1983 – even then many of my friends had sex before marriage. It was our faith that kept us on the right track and God has blessed our marriage tremendously. Keep God first, and keep posting great articles like this one.

    1. Oh gosh, i am so touched by your generous words. Thank you friend. And wow – what a beautiful love story you and your husband share! thank you for sharing that with me. and congrats on 35 years! that’s really something to celebrate! hugs xox

  86. I clicked the Like button on your post not because I liked it in the usual casual meaning of the word. I liked to affirm you and what you stand for. You are the voice of one crying in the wilderness. Your voice might be grating on some (many?) ears; but you are preparing the way for something (or Someone?) to burst upon the scene. Keep proclaiming.

    1. Oh gosh that is so kind of you to say. I am truly touched. Thank you friend. I’m grateful for you 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  87. I don’t think he really needs people defending him. He knowingly put himself on one of the most insipid, banal television experiences of the modern age. Of COURSE the people are going to make fun of his virginity. I highly doubt he wasn’t prepared for that. Perhaps the pillows full of money he will be sleeping on will help him rest from all of the bullying. A lot of the more religious people I follow on WordPress are rallying to the defense of someone who IS BASICALLY TRYING TO LOSE HIS VIRGINITY ON LIVE TELEVISION. What a holy cause. Cue puking.

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. Yeah he had to know going into it. And that’s a great point — I hope that’s not what this season is going to boil down to. hugs xox

    1. Hey friend, thank you for sharing your thoughts on the episode. Yeah pretty disappointing. Hugs and love xox

  88. I will admit, I consider The Bachelor my guilty pleasure as well lol! I had the same feelings okay annoyance when it came to the three hour premiere. I felt as if many of the girls are solely seeking to take his virginity and to me that is a little sickening. Your honestly and venerability is very inspiring to me. You go girl!
    Kenz

    1. Thank you Kenz for sharing your thoughts on this! Yeah sickening is a good word for it! Hugs and love xox

  89. Thank you for this commentary & for sharing your story & how virginity is perceived in modern culture. I am in my 50’s in secular life and still carrying the V-card. In a world that is so obsessed with pigeonholing people by a sexual label (instead of looking at the person as a child of child) the person with a personal choice of reserving sexual activity for marriage is looked at like an anomaly. Like you said it’s not a choice for everyone but for those of us trying to live according to our faith it is a misunderstood choice. But it is our gift to give not the world’s to take. My life did not result in finding a suitable man to share my life with nor did life circumstances allow me to enter into religious life so here I am, a virgin outed who tries to tell Jesus every day that He is “my Lord and my Life.” Thank you again for this.

    1. Thank you so much Tamara, for sharing your story! I think that’s really beautiful. God has designed your path just as it is! Think of all the lives you’re touching in your life, just by being you. “My Lord and my Life” – what a beautiful thing for Him to hear from you each day 🙂 thanks so much for sharing your heart. Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers, Lilly! That really means a lot! Hugs and love xox

  90. This is completely and totally amazing! I personally take the same stance that you do, as in wanting to save my virginity for my husband, and I think it’s so cool to meet others that do the same. I’m on the verge of turning 18, so I still have some time to go (depending on the Lord’s guidance), but I want to encourage you, to keep this up! You are presenting a beautiful testimony to girls like me!

    1. Hi Aubrey, thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your story. That’s so awesome that you’re in the same boat! And, gosh, thank you for that encouragement! sending you big big hugs!!

      1. Thank you! I can’t tell you how cool it is that you respond to our comments! Thank you very very much for your encouragement! Big hugs in return!

  91. This show is not in the UK, and I expect it would generate even more perplexity, as the Christian movement here is so much smaller..it is odd that people do not see the connection between sexual chaos and the mistreatment of women. but note, this has been a problem that’s grown over many years, certainly since WW2 (yes, since then, if not earlier in USA).

    1. Thank you so much Bill. I know – there really Is such a correlation. It lines up with the emergence of contraception too. Very sad. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

  92. Well said. Though I am not a ‘Bachelor’ show fan, I am rather disgusted by what would seem to be reverse sexual harassment … in this day and age of #metoo , the behaviors and message you shared from the show are quite disappointing. And, in regard to your own sharing, it is brave, my dear, sweet lady.
    Carole

    1. Thank you so much Carole! Yeah disappointing for sure. I appreciate you taking the time to read! Hugs and love xox

  93. I love this post and I am grateful you stepped out in faith and posted it! I am learning to trust God too, and sometimes it is scary, but one thing I am learning is that God is always with us and if we continue to seek him first, he will guide us. We can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us. Radically trust! Blessings to you.

    1. Thank you so much Darlene! Amen – He really is always with us! Love this response. Hugs and love xox

  94. I have a different perspective about the new season of Bachelor. I don’t watch it…never have…never will. Being a virgin is a wonderful thing. It is what God desires for all of his children despite what most people think. It is ridiculous that Colton is being ridiculed for it. However, what do you expect from this type of show? In past seasons the show has centered around sex so why would this season be any different?
    I’ll be glad when Christians make a stand and stop fooling around with “reality” television altogether. It never in any way makes us look as a light unto the world like we’re supposed to be.
    According to the word of God, we are NOT OF THIS WORLD and I pray we would really begin to understand that.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this! Those are so really great point. And amen to that : not of this world! Hugs and love xox

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