How My Mom Saved Our Relationship

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Well here we are, we’ve jumped off the starting block of another week.

The internet is in an absolute tail spin over the James Charles and Tati Westbrook scandal in the YouTube makeup community.

Photo: iNews

The Royal watchers are all abuzz over the arrival of Meghan and Harry’s son, Archie. While Kardashian fans are aflutter over the birth of (American royalty) Kim and Kanye’s son, via surrogate.

Photo: Getty Images

Game of Thrones is shaking the globe, quite literally. (I, however, am in the minority, and do not watch.)

And all the while, I’m just sitting here, dating my brains out, and wondering how early is too early to start a countdown for Christmas.

Please note the leopard granny robe 🙂

But in my quest for information on the James Charles drama, I happened upon an interesting coincidence…Mother’s Day, this year, fell on the beginning of Mental Health Awareness Week.

And as I was reflecting yesterday, on my beautiful mother, and how grateful I am to have her in my life, I realized that the timing of these two was actually quite perfect.

Allow me to share with you, how my incredible mother, saved our relationship.

Ask anyone who has had mental illness touch their lives, and they will tell you – it is an incredibly isolating experience. You have all of this chaos and turmoil wreaking havoc on literally every aspect behind closed doors – 24/7, and outside the world is turning. You’re in this bubble of hell, and you feel completely alone.

During my anorexia, that was absolutely the case.

To say that it was a minefield-covered war zone, would be an understatement.

When there was not fighting or explosive outbursts, the tension and anxiety could be cut with a knife. You could feel the words that people were wanting desperately to say in the uneasy silence. Desperation and despair were mainstays, and literally the sight of my gaunt, skeletal frame would cause such a surge of concern that being in the same room as me was often too much to bear. They felt helpless, watching me frantically running from this to that, avoiding social situations, sneaking off to exercise, screeching out of the house in my car in rage, lying about eating, practicing food rituals, and just wasting away in every sense of the word. It was like watching a death scene in extreme slow motion, with nothing you can do about it.

I cannot imagine what that pain must have felt like for my mom, to watch me actively choose to throw away my life like that. I was choosing behaviors that were leading me on an accelerated path to death’s door.

And the harder my mom tried to get through to me, the harder and more determined I was to push her away.

This is where my mother’s immeasurable wisdom comes into play.

Hearing everything that she was going through, I think one of the things that most people would want to do, would be to vent to their friends.

For Heaven’s sake, I’d need a girlfriend to talk to about this. To have a glass of wine with and just spill everything. Cry. Pour my heart out. I’d need support from others.

But she did none of that.

She didn’t breathe a word to anyone. Didn’t put my name on any prayer requests. Didn’t bring me up at bible studies or social gatherings.

She kept it all to herself, and instead, took those deep needs for consolation and crying out — to Jesus. She would go to the adoration chapel every single night and pray for me. She’d go to confession and confide in our Priest, seeking his guidance. And that was it.

No gossiping. No divulging personal information guised as a “prayer request.” None.

And I asked her about this later, in my recovery, and she said that she knew it was not her story to tell.

And here’s the kicker that’s so SO important, as we’re starting this Mental Health Awareness Week, for any loved ones to hear:

My mom knew, that if our relationship was ever going to heal, that I had to be able to trust her. Even though I had broken every trust with her: in my anorexia, I was lying to her, manipulating her, saying horribly mean and hurtful things to her in rage, and destroying every ounce of respect — she knew that deep down, those things were the result of my disease, influencing my words and actions.

So even though I had destroyed her trust in me, she knew that when I got out of that pit of darkness and healed, I was going to need to be able to trust her. And that is why she never gossiped or talked poorly of me with anyone. She was an iron vault and kept those things in her heart. And that, is how she saved our relationship.

She was absolutely right. When I finally did recover, after a long and difficult journey, the fact that I could trust my mom at literally the most critical time in my entire life – it has been the greatest blessing of my life. And in fact, it has strengthened our relationship.

With my mom in Fatima, Portugal

Do I regret how badly I hurt my mother during that season of my life? Yes – deeply. And I carried so much guilt around for a long time.

But by the literal grace of God, she – and my whole family – they all whole-heartedly forgave me, and were just grateful that I was better, and wanted to put it all behind us, and move forward and heal as a family. And for that I am eternally grateful.

Relationships come in all different varieties. And for better, or for worse, each situation is delicate and intricate and has its challenges and history. But I’m here to tell you, that it is never too late. It is never too late to seek forgiveness, and a second chance.

My mother is a shining example of that hope.

And this Mother’s Day and Mental Health Awareness Week, I think it’s important to remember that. Mental illness, like anorexia, can bring relationships to the absolute brink. They’re painful and mentally/emotionally/spiritually exhausting, but at the end of the day, love matters. Relationships matter. And I promise you, they’re worth fighting for.

My mom’s response to this post 🙂

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

TAKE ME TO THE B³ STORE!
Comes in other fun colors too!


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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

202 thoughts on “How My Mom Saved Our Relationship”

    1. Thank you friend – I’m so glad you’re enjoying my posts! That means so much! Hugs and love xox

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      2. gosh, what a kind thing to say. Amen! His Grace is…well…”Amazing!!” 🙂 hehe

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  5. As a mom in a similar situation, I can relate to the pain your mom felt watching you struggle. There’s no love like a mom’s love for her hurting child! God bless you both.

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    1. Thanks for sharing that. Youre so right – moms have specials “feelers” in their heart. Sending you a big hug, my friend. Hang in there!

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    1. THank you JB – I really do have a wonderful mother. you’re so right – she kept my story to herself. what a loving thing to do. hugs xox

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      1. YOU are very graciously welcome BBB. Most mothers I know would have blasted the story everywhere. We need more mothers like yours.

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      1. I was also very close to my Mom – she died many years ago, but I also considered her to be my best friend and ally. And you are most welcome….hugs back atcha

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      2. Oh Carol, I’m sorry about that. I’m so glad you know the love of a great mom too 🙂 how comforting to know we will all be together again one day in Paradise! Hugs and love xox

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      3. She was a wonderful woman – wise and so compassionate. I was 28 when she died. But – her spirit lives on through her family and friends. And yes, we will all meet again in that heavenly place without hurt or hate or pain. Thanks hon.

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      4. Sounds like an incredible woman. Yes – without hurt or pain, what a beautiful day that will be 🙂 💛💛💛💛

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  9. You have such a strong loving and most of all real yes I am saying real. there is not many people in this world that are genuine real and your mom is , Her pureness .her faith. to keep this to herself and know that in the end of this fight and a winning one to keep your and her trust was important .

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    1. Thank you so much , gosh what a kind thing to say. Amen – my mom is the real deal! Hugs and love xox

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      9. Thank you you too . Just getting to bed my daughter and I have been warm and cozy on this cold May night watching episodes of the Office .. not what you thought I would say for a show lol she loves it . We did laugh a lot so that is good good . Night💕

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    1. Thank you Courtney. I’m sorry you can so personally relate. Glad you’re on the other side 💛 Hugs and love xox

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  13. This is so beautiful. Thank you for the amazing read. Thank God for your victory. I love the relationship you and your mom have. Thanks for being brave enough to share.

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    1. Thank you friend – I’m so glad you enjoyed the read 🙂 amen – God is good! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thank you Alicia 🙂 amen – Jesus really sad our family through this storm. And for that I am so grateful. Hugs and love xox

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  15. I was sure i’m not the only one not being interrested in the whole buzz going on these days lol, well being a true mom is not an easy task and not everyone succeeds at it! Shoutout to your mom! As always, Thank you for the wonderful posts 💖💖

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  16. Your relationship with your Mom is beautiful! P.S. I don’t watch Game of Thrones either or any other kind of TV like that. I stick mostly to the Outdoor Channel, Sportsman’s Channel, and Hallmark when I watch TV, which is rare. Awesome photo of you throwin’ up the deuce in your leopard robe! 🙂 God bless you and your wonderful Mom and family!

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    1. Thanks Ryan – yes! My mom’s my hero!! Oh yes – big hallmark fan here too!! Haha thanks – the robe’s my happy place 🙂 big hugs to you xox

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  17. Beautiful Mother —— Beautiful Daughter
    Intelligent Mother——Intelligent Daughter
    “Wise” Mother ——— “Wise” Daughter
    Jesus Loving Mother—Jesus Loving Daughter
    Jesus Serving Mother- Jesus Serving Daughter
    Praying Mother ———Praying Daughter

    Caralyn, thank you for freely sharing your life, and your Mom’s life with thousands of people.

    Mom of Caralyn, thank you for the Beautiful, Father God Loving, Jesus Christ serving, Holy Spirit obeying Daughter you raised, and poured the Love of Christ into.
    Caralyn, thank you for answering the call of God for this season of your life, serving Jesus Christ, as you serve and minister, pouring Love into thousands.

    Mother, thank you for teaching Caralyn by example, to pray, love Jesus, Trust Jesus, Serve Jesus.

    Caralyn, thank you for paying attention to your Mother, even from a distance, knowing what she was doing, and returning to her, your Dad, and Jesus.

    Mother, thank you for you sensitivity to Holy Spirit, and following His leading, taking your prayers directly to our Father, in Jesus Name, rather than to well meaning people, when the prayer topics are so sensitive. Prayers going up directly, are stronger than talk spreading around.

    Caralyn, thank you how even in these days, you boldly set an example, praying for mothers to be, and unborn children, quietly, and directly to Jesus Christ who hears all prayers, and loves all persons, even the yet to be born children.

    Heavenly Father, mostly I thank You, for this family who love and serve you. Thank You Father for Your call on each of their lives, and how Your Purpose will be fulfilled.
    We thank You Father, for Your Son, our Saviour, Who willingly came and gave His life on the cross, so we may have Life eternally and Abundantly. Lord Jesus, we thank You for Your gift of Salvation, which is a free gift to us, but cost You dearly. We thank You Lord, for Your Spirit, Who comes into the life of each person who calls upon You Lord, repenting and asking forgiveness of our sins.
    Holy Spirit, we thank You for calling us, drawing us unto our Lord Jesus, the Christ.

    Father, we thank You for Your Written Word. We believe every Word in Your Word.

    Isaiah 55:11
    11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
    It will not return to me empty,
    but will accomplish what I desire
    and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

    Luv 😀🌹❤️😘

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    1. Oh gosh, thank you George. I will definitely pass along these kind words to my mom 🙂 and wow – seriously this is so beautiful! Your prayers warm my heart. Yes – thank you, Father, for loving family and wonderful friends like George!! 🙂 hope you have a great week. Hugs and love xox

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      1. The angry outbursts, sorry. They usually appear together, a duet with ED. I just, see similarities in my kids. Thought, maybe I did it. You don’t have to answer, just a question.

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      2. Oh it’s okay. Gotcha. No, I don’t have depression, and during the disease it was a frantic anxiety with a short fuse.

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      5. Oh. I’ll go back in time. Hope, the dating thing is good. Was, never really my thing.

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    1. Oh gosh Janice, that’s so kind of you to say. Yes! My mom’s definitely my hero 💛 Hugs and love xox

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    1. Aww thank you so much 🙂 yeah, she’s my best friend. So grateful for her! Hugs and love xox

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  21. Wow. What a beautiful example of love, of mercy, of kindness your mother was during your darkest times. And what a beautiful of love, mercy, and kindness you were to yourself–to show grace to yourself.

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    1. Hi Brendan! Thank you so much – yeah my mom has such a beautiful heart and is such a shining example of Christ’s love for others. Thanks for saying that 🙂 big hugs xox

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    1. Hahaha you’re funny. They’re makeup artists on YouTube. And there is D.R.A.M.A. going on between them!!

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      1. I kind of assumed that from the context. It’s kind of mind-blowing and scary how many subcultures and communities are out there that I am not only not a part of, but completely blind to the very existence of.

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      2. Right?! It’s absolutely bonkers the subcultures. I mean, hello— ASMR?!? That was a subculture that i was shocked to learn existed!! Hugs and love xox

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  24. God truly blessed you with a wise and amazing Godly woman for your mother. Praise God for that! I am thankful so we all can benefit from her wisdom and unconditional love through you. As always, love you, beautiful! Hugs!XO 😄 ❤

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    1. Hi Tonya! Yes! God really blessed me with a wonderful mother. She’s my hero and best friend. And yes! Everything I’ve learned is from her! 🙂 thank you for such kind words. I’ll pass along your sentiments!! Have a great night my dear friend!! Love ya! Xox

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  25. Caralyn, this post is so beautiful. Your mom poured her heart out to Jesus and waited in confidence in him, for the miracle with you. You and all your family members have been transformed by encountering Jesus and seeing you return to vibrant life. You really have an amazing story of death to life!!!

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    1. Oh gosh thank you so much 🙂 I’m so grateful for that amazing woman. She’s my hero. And amen – Jesus has really carried our family through the fire and blessed us along the way. Amen — to life!! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thank you Broose. Yeah, I really look up to the way my mom handled it all. Glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

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  28. B3, your post made me think of my Mom, who was lost to me last January after a long decline with Alzheimer’s, and made me think of my own bipolar, or whatever it is. Mom was always there for me, and I was there for her. She encouraged me when I felt like giving up, and always did her best to make me smile. It was a two-way street, and I helped her through her own troubles on many an occasion. That is what people who love each other do. I hope your relationship with your own Mom continues, and that you find a way to move beyond your own illness and realize that this is not the true reality, and that someday we must all go home. Bless you both.

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    1. Oh William, I am so sorry for your loss. Gosh, she sounds like an incredible woman. Thank you for sharing that. And also for your kind words. Yes, home, but how comforting to know that we will all be reunited one day 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  29. My dear friend

    You have a very wise mother and thanks to God that she continued to embrace you with her love. This love has patience, is healing wounds, is bringing an angry and aggressive mind back to a state of calmness and has plant trust and confidence in you – your mother was there for you, she was not only your mother but also your girl-friend with great understanding. She is a great mother and person – this genuine love is from the same essence as that of God which has touched your heart and paved your further way… so this credit does not only go to her but also to God whose radiating love has taken you in your arms via the heart of your mother.

    Love and light to you and your mother, my dear friend
    Didi

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    1. Hi Didi! Aw this is such a sweet comment. Thank you so much. Yes! Thanks be to God for her compassion and patience and love. I am very blessed. I will definitely pass along your kind words to her! Hugs and love xox

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      1. Hugs and love, my dear friend – to you and your mother 🙂
        Tears filled my eyes when I read your story – this is love between you and your mother, my friend.
        Warm regards
        Didi

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  30. This inspired me so much today and made me think. I have the image of your mother’s daily prayers to save her daughter’s life ingrained in my head now as an example for my own life. It must have taken tremendous strength for her to share only with God but you are so right. A lot of damage can be done when we share as mothers. It really is your story and she had the wisdom to recognise that.

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    1. Thanks so much 🙂 yeah my mom is a prayer warrior. I so admire her heart. Thanks for your kind words – I will definitely pass it along! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words 🙂 it was been a difficult journey, but many blessings have resulted. hugs xo

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  33. I suppose I can understand the tension when you were wasting away. I’ve known a couple people with anorexia, and I find them hard to be around. And this is my reaction, mind you. Nothing they say or an attitude they project. Honestly, I’m just so afraid of them breaking right before my eyes I just really want to get away. Please don’t trip and fall! Please don’t bump into something! Couple that with living with that person and loving them, etc. I can only imagine how unbearable that had to be.

    I hope you don’t mind me sharing that. I still have a hard time seeing you that way….can’t imagine you looking like that. I just know the great friend I have now, the dynamic young lady who smiles so much and touches so many lives.

    Your mom is a hero to us all, because without her wisdom and patience you wouldn’t be here. There would be no BBB community. Tell her we say “Thank you!”

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    1. Hi Jeff, thank you for sharing that — I don’t mind at all! You’re so right – there is an uneasiness of spirit around those entrenched in the disease, that truly is palpable for those around them. And thank you for saying that 🙂 Amen – my mom is my hero, my best friend, my inspiration. I will definitely pass along your kind sentiments!! So glad you stopped by, Jeff. Hope you and Julie have a beautiful week! big hugs xo

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    1. Thank you so much Corrie 🙂 Yes! I’m excited to get to see my mama in person this coming weekend and give her a big hug! 🙂 hope you have a great week! hugs xox

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    1. Thank you so much Raney! Yes, I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful best friend and mother 🙂 glad you stopped by! big hugs xo

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    1. You’re so right about that Harry. Trust is critical for relationships. glad you stopped by. hugs xo

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  38. Moms are so great aren’t they! What a blessing your mom has been to you. God is good! I don’t watch game of thrones either. I have no idea what the scandal on YouTube is all about, lol. Fill me in. That robe is SWEET! I gotta step up my game with my robe now. Now is a great time to prepare for Christmas!

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    1. Thanks so much Benjamin, they really are so sweet!! God is good! The scandal is about advertising over hair gummy bear vitamins— no joke. He’s lost over 3 million subscribers in 3 days. Bonkers! Hugs and love xox

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      4. Oh gosh thanks 🙂 i do do podcast versions of my posts over on Patreon! And I’m currently working on upping that to more! Thanks! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Hi Kerna! Oh gosh thank you so much for taking the time to read it! I would have to agree – she’s my hero! Hugs and love xox

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  41. You are truly blessed! Thanks for sharing that. Unconditional love is the way God loves us. If we could learn to do that in our own lives what a world we would have.

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  42. You posts are beautiful, as are you. And, I adore the photos you chose for this lovely write-up.

    Thank you for so graciously Liking my posts, as well. Coming from you, it means a lot to me.

    Just so you know, I am “Nika”, changed to “Tamara”. Lol… I change my mind a lot. But, I’m still me. 🌈

    Big Hugs!

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    1. Oh my gosh thank you Tamara for your kind words. Ooh nice! I like it – Tamara is a Beautiful name 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  43. Life is a bit challenging at the moment but I woke up this morning thinking of your mother’s fervent daily prayers for you and it strengthened me. Just as the thought of her courage at being able to accept the photo of you with anorexia.

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    1. Oh I’m so glad this strengthens you 🙂 yes – she’s an amazing woman. Hope everything is okay 💛 Hugs and love xox

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  46. What a truly God given relationship you and your mom have! The love of Christ poured through.
    Reading your posts like this while working on journaling through my copy of your Bloom is God using you to pour His love through to me Thank you more than I can say, Caralyn! Me and God love you! And we love mom too!

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    1. Thank you so much Gail – you’re so right – I am so grateful for her. And wow!! I am so touched by that!! I’m so glad you’re enjoying Bloom – that seriously warms my heart. You just made my night!!! thank you!! sending massive massive hugs! xoxo

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  47. Mom’s are the best! You have such an amazing one. I have no idea of the YouTube scandal you’re talking about. I love Game of Thrones! Best thing on television. I have an obsession with dragons, lol! Mothers know best! Thanks for sharing my friend 🌹🌹 Its a little early for a Christmas countdown, lol

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    1. Yes they really are!! Thanks Lane 🙂 haha yeah this scandal has made it onto the Entertainment News channels now! So wild!! Haha yeah – maybe Fourth of July would be a better countdown!! 🙂 hehe Hugs and love xox

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  48. Carolyn I am sorry to put my comment here but I cannot comment on your Time Square Post.. I respect your pro life views, even though I do not completely agree with them. I talk to my own children about this. I try to be fairly neutral. As an older mother I chose not to have tests which might endanger my baby, as I could not conceive of anything at the time, which would make me terminate my pregnancy. However I am also concerned about the dangers of restricting abortion. Restricting abortion is likely to cause untold suffering too. In fact I know of one young girl, who I believe tried to terminate her own pregnancy and eded up, being fed through a tube for the rest of her considerably shortened life.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this emotional issue. I’m sorry to hear that about the young girl. That’s absolutely heart breaking. It’s a difficult issue.

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