One thing that they don’t tell you about recovering from anorexia – or any eating disorder for that matter – is that sure, you may put on the weight, but that the mental recovery — and shutting off the negative mental tapes that chiseled away at your heart for years and years…that recovery is the most difficult. Because it seeps into every aspect of your life — including dating.
And so, hence, why I’m just now starting to go on dates and open up my heart in the hopes to let someone else in.
But here’s the thing…I think I had built up the idea of dating so much in my mind, that I wish I could go back and have a sit down, face to face real talk session with my old self. And when I say self, I mean…my 4 months younger self haha
And just spoiler alert — I’m going to want to hear your thoughts on the matter too 🙂
OK – The Top Three Things I Wish I Would Have Known Before I Started Dating
Don’t try to be who you think the other person wants you to be.
This may seem like the biggest “duh” in the world. But it goes back to my perfectionism — the gal’dang beast that led to my anorexia in the first place. Being perfect is not what constitutes you as “eligible” for dating. Care: just be yourself.
Because you need to know if who you really are “works” with who they really are. And if you’re just going to try to be exactly what you think they want, not only is it going to be incredibly exhausting, but also – you’re doing the potential relationship a disservice with inauthenticity. It’s such a buzz word, but really just be authentically you.
And that means talking about things that mean a lot to you. Talk about faith. Talk about important issues. But what’s more than talking, is listening. Because just as important as sharing your own thoughts, is learning theirs on the things that matter to you.
But at the end of the day: you’re enough, you’re beautiful, and you’re worth being loved.
Makeup is great, but guys aren’t falling for a perfect eyeliner application and snatched highlighter.
Ok – this one was really hard for me. Because again, that damn eating disorder plants these lies that really screw with your head. But I was — and am trying to work on — I was always that girl that…if I was going to see a guy, I would have to look perfect. Full face of makeup as though I hired a glam squad. Not a hair out of place, and dang it, I was going to look like I could be on the cover of a gosh darn magazine.
But you know what? Makeup doesn’t make you worthy of love. Makeup doesn’t enhance who you are as a person. It doesn’t make you more attractive or more beautiful. Sure, it’s fun, and if you enjoy it – awesome! Go for it. But know that who you are with and without makeup — she is worthy of the same amount of love.
And what’s more: guys — at least the right ones — actually prefer women without all the make up. Which, now that I’m thinking about it makes a lot of sense.
Eat like a lady.
Ok – this is really not what it sounds like. Because I’m sure as heck not talking about ordering a salad. I’m talking about — actually, my eating “form” — as in — Care, DON’T MISS YOUR MOUTH. I mean, I live in a studio, I eat most of my meals in the privacy of my home with just me and my YouTube videos, and so I can sometimes forget how to like…I don’t know — chew? Practice bare minimum manners? Yeah — gotta work on that.
Dating is really fun!
Finally, this one is the biggie. Dating is fun. Period. It turns out that being vulnerable and letting someone in to see the real you is not only incredibly affirming, but it’s just an awesome feeling.
Not to mention, you’re opening yourself up to so many new adventures. There’s a reason why there’s a booming industry around “date spots” — because they’re genuinely FUN to experience. And with someone you enjoy getting to know…it’s shocking, I know…but it’s a great time.
SO there we go, I know I added a fourth, but I just felt moved by the spirit.
I would love to learn YOUR top dating advice. Because I am always eager to learn, and I’m finding that the more dates I go on, this list gets longer and longer.
Have a happy memorial day! And I’ll talk to you on Wednesday!
Unless, of course, you’re on Patreon, and in that case, your video will be uploaded tonight!!
“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5
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