Ellen Degeneres & The 5 Love Languages — A Connection No One Saw Coming

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I’ll tell you what, I think the Internet can bring out the absolute best — and the absolute worst — in people.

Last week, a post by the one and only, Ellen Degeneres went viral. She was at a Cowboy’s football game, sitting next to George Bush, laughing, having a beer and watching the game.

The post was a clip of her monologue on her show about the backlash she received about that photo. It was this beautiful, moving speech about kindness. Here’s the transcript:

“During the game, they showed a shot of me and George laughing together, and so people were upset. They thought, ‘Why is a gay Hollywood liberal sitting next to a conservative Republican president?’…Here’s the thing. I’m friends with George Bush. In fact, I’m friends with a lot of people who don’t share the same beliefs that I have…We’re all different, and I think we’ve forgotten that that’s okay that we’re all different…But just because I don’t agree with someone on everything doesn’t mean that I’m not going to be friends with them…When I say, ‘be kind to one another,’ I don’t only mean the people that think the same way that you do. I mean be kind to everyone.”

For the first 12 hours or so — everyone came out in support of Ellen, praising her and supporting her bridge-building efforts. Many of her celebrity friends — including Reece Witherspoon and Kristen Bell — were championing her as this pillar of tolerance and acceptance and someone to aspire to be.

But quickly, the tone did a complete 180 – and the media and celebrities swiftly lit their torches, grabbed their pitchforks and mobbed her as an ignorant bimbo who supports an “unconscionable” human.

Mark Ruffalo brought Ellen to task with one tweet: “Sorry, until George W. Bush is brought to justice for the crimes of the Iraq War, (including American-lead torture, Iraqi deaths & displacement, and the deep scars — emotional & otherwise — inflicted on our military that served his folly), we can’t even begin to talk about kindness.”

Here’s the thing — I’m not going to get political tonight. Because frankly, that’s the entire point.

Watching this whole mess unfold this week just absolutely broke my heart, that the state of this world has gotten to the point where we can’t even agree on kindness anymore.

Everything we see on the news, on Twitter, on our timelines — is driven by negativity and fueled by criticism, and frankly — hatred. Our language has become so abhorrent — this Ellen witchhunt is the perfect example of just how far we’ve strayed in our quick-to-crucify world.

I mean, it is the norm now to exaggerate, smear – even lie – in order to destroy a person to score points for their political cause. Both sides do it, and it just makes me so sad.

But I’ve got to tell you — the timing of this Ellen episode last week was pretty uncanny, because at that same time, I had been researching the Five Love Languages for an upcoming post.

And if you’re unfamiliar with what those are, they’re how you best interpret love: The five languages are:
1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality Time
3) Physical Touch
4) Acts of Service
5) Receiving Gifts

And in case you were wondering, my top love language is Words of Affirmation, followed by Quality Time, and then third is Physical Touch. If you’re interested – you can find out your love language here: ((not sponsored)).

But as I was researching the love languages, and watching this whole debacle with Ellen unfold, it just became increasingly obvious that the world is in desperate, desperate need of more love language.

The thing about love languages is that their predominant connotation is in the realm of romantic love. But I’d like to shift the thinking — for this situation’s sake — to the global sense.

I mean, what if we were to all think about the different ways that we can best express love in our communities, to better the world at large, and make it a better place?

If you’re a words of affirmation person — what about going out of your way to write a letter of gratitude to a soldier overseas? Or send an email to your child’s teacher expressing your appreciation.

Quality time? How about volunteering at a nursing home? Or candy striping at a children’s hospital? Or even just showing the kids in your life that you like to be around them with your time and undivided attention.

Physical touch? How about volunteering with at-risk youth, or a Big Brother program where you can be there for someone who needs it most.

Acts of Service? Volunteering to clean up the park. Or working at a soup kitchen.

Gift giving? There are so many donation centers to help the homeless. Or my personal favorite: donating baby supplies at prolife crisis pregnancy centers for expectant mothers.

Whatever your love language is – the world needs more of it.

We’ve got to combat this oppressive cloud of hatred and negativity that’s thrown our way every single day in the media, on the internet, in the hallways at school.

Ellen was absolutely right — we have got to set aside our differences and be kind to one another no matter what.

It doesn’t matter our religion, our stance on political issues, who we voted for in the election, or heck — even how we feel about country music!

At the end of the day, we are all one family – created by God, worthy of love and respect. And somewhere along the lines, in efforts to promote political agendas, or “win” at certain arguments — that fundamental truth has been forgotten.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.“

What is one thing you can do this week to put more love out into the world?

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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247 thoughts on “Ellen Degeneres & The 5 Love Languages — A Connection No One Saw Coming”

  1. Thank you for this, Cara. As I was driving to church yesterday, I passed a protest taking place across the street from a Roman Catholic church by the Westboro Baptist people. My heart broke for them. They have no idea how far off base they are. God does not hate anyone so who are we to do so?

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    1. Hi Melissa! Thank you so much – gosh yeah that’s so sad. I agree! Love is where it’s at! Hugs and love xox

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    2. I don’t see Jesus nailing banners onto buildings, either. The New Age “divide & rule” method sadly succeeds because we let it. We let it because we are ego driven instead of Spirit-guided.

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    1. Thanks John – yeah – politics are definitely one of those things – thanks for stopping by Hugs and love xox

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  5. Totally agree with your beautiful post, and with Ellen. Of course it’s easy to befriend people who agree with us and give them love and respect. That takes no effort! To be kind to those with whom we disagree… ah, now that’s where the work comes in. Funny, I was just talking to a friend last night who said he won’t be attending any more of a certain event because Republicans were there. What? Okay. 🙄

    To all the liberals who feel so righteous bashing Ellen over George… Obama killed a lot of people too. But he’s a hero…

    Sorry, politics. 😻

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    1. Thank you so much Paula! You’re right about that – we’ve gotta love everyone no matter what!! Oh gosh – not cool. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  6. Great post and ideas, Cara!! I agree fully that things have gotten out of hand to a point where it’s heartbreaking. I don’t want all my friends and my circle to look exactly like me. Just as Christ chose people who were different and they came together and found their common ground as they walked, I want to grow with my friends and allow each other our differences.

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  7. A friend of mine used to say that we can be Nice all the time, or we can be Right all the time. We can’t be both. Sometimes being Nice means biting the bullet and not pressing a point you’re passionate about. Sometimes being right means telling people hard truths they don’t want to hear. There is room in this world for both.

    But right now, people don’t care about being nice or right, they care about being angry. That’s fine. I could give a hoot in hell who a TV lady spends her time with. Why should I care more about Ellen than any random Joe? Why should I not care about George Bush, a living breathing human being, who is clearly living a quite normal post-presidency.

    Do we want to be Nice or do we want to be Right? Lets choose our battles carefully.

    Great post.
    AMDG
    -Scoot

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    1. What an interesting perspective Scoot. Thanks for sharing that. I think theres always room for kindness and love. And yes – sometimes love isn’t soft. But it’s love and rooted in respect. 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  11. Great job putting this together, so many good points. Unfortunately in general we are dived more than ever, especially here in America. There are still very good people in this country that are doing amazing things, but too much is focused on the negative it seems.
    Great work, as always.

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    1. Thanks so much Leonard for sharing your thoughts. I agree – let’s bring the positive to the forefront! Hugs and love xox

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  12. Hi, I agree with Ellen’s statement. I’m a Salvationist and in the Salvation Army we have a song entitled”I dare to be different”

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  13. One of the triumphs about love and kindness is to love and to be kind to those who are different from yourself. Most of the people I met are different from me, and yet I have many great friendships with these people. I say that Ellen DeGenerous did a good thing. No, I do not agree with what she does, but that does not mean that I would hate her or mistreat her. As for Mark Ruffalo, the same one who was the Hulk destroying things the way he is accusing Bush of doing, the things Bush did keep the terrorists from doing more damage to include what was done in Iraq. I think I will stick with Ellen.

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing your heart on this JB – you’re so right – loving people who are different from us. Glad you stopped by and joined the dialogue! Hugs and love xox

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  14. Thanks for the angle on the 5-Love Languages; I am one relegating them to the romantic / family category. But you made a notable point.

    Several years ago I counted 17 nuances to the word “love” in an American dictionary. The word is turned in so many various ways. . . -Jeff

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    1. Thank you so much Jeff! That’s a lot of nuances!! Haha it’s a great word:) so glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  15. The president that you love so much preaches hate. Imagine getting along with someone and there favorite person whom they admire so much hates you because of who you are. It is hard to understand why someone loves someone so much and get claim you to be there close friend too. Yes there has to be a time when we could all overlook a person’s political side. But not today. If your best friend dated a known child molester would you wonder what does she see in him. Would you question her judgement. I see Trump as a racist. I questioned people judgement that like him and I don’t want to be around people that like him
    As far as Bush I liked him. I still do. The hate comes from people who dis like you because you are born black,brown,gay, and not a male. Open your eyes and see I mean really see. I’m fussing and going on a rant know but otherwise interesting post.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your thoughts on this. I appreciate you joining the dialogue. Just to clarify – I do not love trump. I appreciate his prolife policies. But I do not love him. 🙂 thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  16. Great post. Seems these days, that “Grace” and “Mercy” are something of a lost art. Sadly, these terms aren’t even being talked about in a lot of our churches, where they should run a close second to love. I blame so much of it on social media, giving extra credit to social media “drive-by” outlets like Twitter where it’s easy to fire off a few characters and start a hate storm then simply walk away. Keep preaching the love. Looking forward to your upcoming post on the Five Love Languages. Blessings!

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    1. Thank you so much Jennifer! So glad it hit home with you 🙂 amen to that – no matter how we show it! Hugs and love xox

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  19. First, I agree that Ellen did the right thing. She stood firm on recognizing her friend and not betraying him to public opinion. My best friend from high school and I disagree completely on politics; liberal vs. conservative. Still, our friendship remains intact. Kudos to Ellen for her loyalty to Dubya and her words of tolerance. She actually lived out what most liberals seem to only talk about. They are tolerant until you disagree.

    I also get Ruffalo’s point. If someone lives a life dedicated to bad things or commits some heinous act, that person should be cut off, albeit not with hate. St. Paul’s epistles often convey the idea that people who go against teaching should be cut off, but with an eye toward redemption. Jude’s letter condemns a church’s acceptance and communion with perverters of the Gospel as “stains on their love feast”. All the same, excluding those who work against God’s Word should be done as a matter of correction, not hate.

    I’m with you – the lies, the venom really need to go! All of the current hate toward Trump accomplishes nothing but division and weakness for us all. If only so much effort was directed toward solving problems instead of destroying everyone you disagree with!

    sigh

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    1. THanks for this reflection Jeff — yeah, I’m big on loyalty too. I think it is such an important quality in relationships. Yes! The venom needs to go! I am so with you – we should work on building bridges instead of actively working to tear them down. Lots of great food for thought here! thanks Jeff! hope you have a great night! hugs and love to you and julie! x

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    1. Oh my gosh Matthew, thank you friend 🙂 you’re kind to say that. Glad you enjoyed the post! Hugs and love xox

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  21. Yes! If we would all be kind despite differences and despite disagreements (like Christ,) I think all would be SO much better. Disagree all you want, but if we could LOVE extravagantly, what a change we could employ!

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    2. Your perception of Christ isn’t true. Go study His words and conduct……do we know the Bible or do we only know the candy coated man-created Jesus? He was radical….

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  22. The crowd always chooses wrong. Like they wanted Barabbas. Recently we had brutal “xenophobia” here in 🇿🇦, intolerance. The very folks who blame others for being “racist” even when they’re not.

    So my Dutch ancestors came to the Cape in 1658 after seventy years of suffering intolerant neighbours in Europe. Germanic vs Romanic. And my mother’s side had to leave their estate, swim for it to an already departing ship……because of a robe and a biscuit that was at the root of a massacre in France. Religious intolerance. While Jesus is LIFE, the commercial agencies claiming to be His club sometimes suck. Think of the bloody crusades and how we kindly Christians beheaded Jews and Arabs in the Middle Ages.

    Ellen has her work cut out for her.

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  26. Ellen was absolutely right and it’s certainly revealed the state our country, maybe even nb the world is in today.
    But girl, you know what the world needs right now….Jesus. The haters need Jesus. That’s what I praying for because they dont know what they dont know, but all that I have in Him, I wish for them.

    Matthew 5:43-48
     Love Your Enemies

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    1. thanks so much Laura for your kind words. Amen — the world needs Jesus – plain and simple as that!! i’ll join you in that important prayer. hugs xox

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  27. Excellent post Caralyn, couldn’t agree more with what you wrote.
    People tend to be tolerant of only those that think and have the same mindset. What happened to just being nice.

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    1. thank you so much! im so glad this hit home with you! amen – we need to be tolerant and respectful to everyone – no matter what! we’re all different and that’s okay! it’s what makes this world an interesting place! hugs xo

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  29. Spot on as always, Caralyn. I feel like you read my heart of these past few weeks. My husband and I are writing a podcast episode about “outrage culture” and suddenly I see it everywhere. All we can do is try to spread love, just as you say. God bless ❤️.

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    1. Thank you so much Jenny! So glad this resonated with you so. Outrage culture – sounds incredibly interesting! Can’t wait to listen! Hugs and love xox

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  30. This is spot-on. Another way I think of it is that if Jesus avoided every person who hurt Him ever, then he would not interact with Paul, or Peter, or Judas, or Pharisees, or really…that many people. Instead of choosing to hold grudges against those people, He chose to love. And we should choose to love, too.

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    1. Hi Brendan! Oh thank you so much 🙂 I’m so glad this resonated with you. You’re so right! Jesus was the ultimate example!! Hugs and love xox

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  32. Thanks Cara for your wonderful piece and being reminded and inspired about love and how love allows an out-pouring of compassion and care. I wasn’t aware of the Ellen DeGeneres-George Bush bit going viral. It’s highly unlikely that George Bush will ever be convicted of war crimes against the Iraqis due the war like stance of the USA who has been almost constantly at war since 1775.

    In my mind kindness can be bestowed on the being of a man – like George Bush but not necessarily his actions. In my work as a healer I have found that Love is everywhere in us and in every being, plants, trees, other animals, water, air and soil. Love sustains us. Only our beliefs and judgements parse out Love into something recognizable to work with the help heal others if they wish to accept it. The heart as you may or may not know has 28 receptor neurons in it similar in shape to neurons in our Neo-cortex and other parts of the brain. The basis for all emotion is Love, our brains / egos filter love through various interpretations yet Love is still love. A Buddhist teacher of mine once said: “For every person that loves it nullifies the hate in 10 other people.” Fear is the basis of anger and hatred for the most part. Love can hold fear, but fear cannot hold love.

    The world we are living in divided as it is – is exactly the way it’s suppose to be in the grand scheme of time and space. The fear is one reaction to the changes in our world. Love employed intelligently can help heal the fear and allow those that may refer to each other as enemies to begin to talk and solve problems when even a small amount of love is applied to the wound.

    Gentle physical touch on the arm or hand is a loving act of kindness.

    There is a simple inner exercise I’ve been doing since 1974 to generate my emotional presence and acknowledge the Love that is always there: Allow you mind to follow your breath. On your in-breath put your attention on your sternum or breast bone and say silently to yourself “I” on the in-breath and “Am” on the out-breath thus affirming your emotional presence. It can be done anywhere without others ever knowing. Inner work.

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    1. Thank you so much Kai! Yes! It’s an outpouring of compassion and care. Love sustains us. What a beautiful and powerful thought. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

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  33. I loved Ellen’s response. The crazy thing is while those who criticized her tell of of us we need to be tolerant, what they are really saying is those who think different than they do need to be tolerant but they don’t have to which is hypocritical.

    I love that George W Bush is friend with Ellen and Michelle Obama. I love that Ellen and Michelle Obama are friends with him. It sets a good example that we can have different beliefs in this country and still be friends.

    Just this morning I was talking with someone about how as Christians we are called to love other. I love the meme I see sometime of- “You know the love you neighbor thing? I meant it.”

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    1. I loved her response too! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I agree – it’s a great example. Hugs and love xox

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  34. It is absolutely ridiculous that sharing a beer at what is supposed to be America’s pastime turns into something ugly. And it’s only going to get worse with the elections coming up. I wholeheartedly agree with you Cara. If we focus on the needs of others and seek to understand instead of judge we will all be better which will make for a better world. Thanks for the post.

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    1. I agree – it’s so sad what things have come to! Thanks for sharing your heart on this! Amen – let’s focus on helping others! Hugs and love xox

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  38. I absolutely loved Ellen’s message. The backlash she received is heartbreaking. It’s very sad how the world is driven on negativity and tearing others down. I bought the Five Love Languages and have yet to read it. I NEED to. Thanks for the wonderful post 😇🙏🏼❤️

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  39. I agree. It makes me so sad that so many people out there are so angry that it isn’t ok anymore to be nice to people.

    (And one of the examples you gave of ways to show love reminded me of something else going on in my life now that I’m not ready to share at the moment… you know how to contact me privately if you’re really curious.)

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    1. Thank you so much 🙂 I know – the state of things are so sad. That’s why we need more love in the world! Hope everything is okay. will be praying! hugs xo

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  40. Yes, indeed, by all means, this world is in desperate need of love! Jesus never said, “Love only those you agree with.” When we neglect compassion and caring for the sake of our anger, we are completely missing the point. It’s not giving a stamp of approval to things you disagree with to treat others with kindness. It’s embodying the love of Christ.

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  42. A beautiful, poignant essay. So horribly sad that much of the human race feels justified in doling out compassion and caring only for those on “their” side. And persecute or desire “opponents” murdered, imprisoned, stricken with diseases or maimed because they disagree with them It’s shameful that people feel justified in condemning others, when they have – and we ALL have at some point in life – been guilty of a wrong – betrayed a confidence, lied to cover up a wrong, cheated, acted inappropriately or manipulated someone to get one’s way. I trust that some of these foolish people will come to recognize the love of Christ, and will repent of their sins. Christians are called to love our enemies and pray for them to change heart. I still have a long way to go, for that last, but pray someone will help guide me closer to Jesus. An eternity is an awfully long time to wail and gnash teeth in darkness.

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    1. Thank you so much Eric! I really appreciate that 🙂 You’re right – love our enemies and emulate Jesus — I have a lot of work to do in that area too! hugs xox

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  43. Caralyn, you nailed it. People are divided and have forgotten to love each other. Truthfully, we are more alike than different. Only love can make a miracle. Love disarms barriers between people. Love and hugs! XOXO

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  44. it seems to be ok to have different beliefs.. only if you have the ‘same’ different beliefs as “me” these days… I think it is lack of humility which can be pointed to a breakdown in values, I have said it before but it bears repeating, I used to cast a down looking eye on religious folks (especially christians) as people dumber than me for their belief… but then it just hit me one day, do I have the answers ? no… so who am I to judge or dictate? I’m not. How does it affect my life what you believe if it makes you happy and has no negative impact on me ? It doesn’t. I own one body, one soul, this one, the rest is not my own… I suppose the only answer is to be the light every day to the best of our ability.

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    1. Hi David, thank you for sharing your thoughts on this – yes! be the light every day to the best of our ability! hugs xo

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  45. That book by Chapman was awesome. It’s one of my favorites. As for politics and sports, all I do now is just groan. No words. Just groan. I have another funny comment, but it might be taken the wrong way on a blog post; ask me again if we ever meet in person. 🙂

    On the other hand, you did a good job breaking down the different love languages and how to express them. 🙂

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  48. Great post dear 😀.
    The way I see it it’s the same old crap that’s been going on for thousands of years humans refusal to grow up and act like adults to one another with kindness and respect, we only really see it now because technology has put it in are faces to see every day.
    Maybe one day human kind will grow up and stop acting like children. 🌹

    ❤️✌️
    BY FOR NOW

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    1. Hi Dawn, oh thank you so much! Yes! i sure hope so — we need to start acting like real people with souls! haha hugs xox

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  49. Again: I am DEF not going to attempt to read all of those comments up there 😉

    One of my friends keeps mentioning “agape” (a type of love — FZ* might have said it might be from Kansas + also available via your local drugstore 😉 j/k )

    There are so many ways to cut and slice love — it is an extremely complex phenomenon.

    I heard Agape mentioned in a podcast recently — WBUR makes this Show called “Modern Love”, where some celebrity (i.e. professional) reads the equally titled column from NYTimes (do they still do it? IDK). I am VERY MUCH behind schedule, because I tend to only listen to it when there’s Little / no NEWSWORTHY crap to listen to (lulz 😉 ). Anyways, if anyone WANTS to listen to the episode featuring the agape concept, it’s called “when eve and eve bit the apple”. ENJOY! 😀

    • (Frank Zappa)

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    1. Hi Frank! Thanks so much for stopping by! haha yeah people had a lot to say about this one! haha Oh how interesting = sounds like a great podcast. i’ll have to check out that episode! thanks for sharing it! hugs xo

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      1. LOL, I’m Norbert (aka NMW 😉 ) — Frank is (unfortunately) no longer with us anymore… but you can still search the YT for “it’s from kansas” to find the funny commentary he made ca. 50 years ago 😉

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