Ellen Degeneres & The 5 Love Languages — A Connection No One Saw Coming

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I’ll tell you what, I think the Internet can bring out the absolute best — and the absolute worst — in people.

Last week, a post by the one and only, Ellen Degeneres went viral. She was at a Cowboy’s football game, sitting next to George Bush, laughing, having a beer and watching the game.

The post was a clip of her monologue on her show about the backlash she received about that photo. It was this beautiful, moving speech about kindness. Here’s the transcript:

“During the game, they showed a shot of me and George laughing together, and so people were upset. They thought, ‘Why is a gay Hollywood liberal sitting next to a conservative Republican president?’…Here’s the thing. I’m friends with George Bush. In fact, I’m friends with a lot of people who don’t share the same beliefs that I have…We’re all different, and I think we’ve forgotten that that’s okay that we’re all different…But just because I don’t agree with someone on everything doesn’t mean that I’m not going to be friends with them…When I say, ‘be kind to one another,’ I don’t only mean the people that think the same way that you do. I mean be kind to everyone.”

For the first 12 hours or so — everyone came out in support of Ellen, praising her and supporting her bridge-building efforts. Many of her celebrity friends — including Reece Witherspoon and Kristen Bell — were championing her as this pillar of tolerance and acceptance and someone to aspire to be.

But quickly, the tone did a complete 180 – and the media and celebrities swiftly lit their torches, grabbed their pitchforks and mobbed her as an ignorant bimbo who supports an “unconscionable” human.

Mark Ruffalo brought Ellen to task with one tweet: “Sorry, until George W. Bush is brought to justice for the crimes of the Iraq War, (including American-lead torture, Iraqi deaths & displacement, and the deep scars — emotional & otherwise — inflicted on our military that served his folly), we can’t even begin to talk about kindness.”

Here’s the thing — I’m not going to get political tonight. Because frankly, that’s the entire point.

Watching this whole mess unfold this week just absolutely broke my heart, that the state of this world has gotten to the point where we can’t even agree on kindness anymore.

Everything we see on the news, on Twitter, on our timelines — is driven by negativity and fueled by criticism, and frankly — hatred. Our language has become so abhorrent — this Ellen witchhunt is the perfect example of just how far we’ve strayed in our quick-to-crucify world.

I mean, it is the norm now to exaggerate, smear – even lie – in order to destroy a person to score points for their political cause. Both sides do it, and it just makes me so sad.

But I’ve got to tell you — the timing of this Ellen episode last week was pretty uncanny, because at that same time, I had been researching the Five Love Languages for an upcoming post.

And if you’re unfamiliar with what those are, they’re how you best interpret love: The five languages are:
1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality Time
3) Physical Touch
4) Acts of Service
5) Receiving Gifts

And in case you were wondering, my top love language is Words of Affirmation, followed by Quality Time, and then third is Physical Touch. If you’re interested – you can find out your love language here: ((not sponsored)).

But as I was researching the love languages, and watching this whole debacle with Ellen unfold, it just became increasingly obvious that the world is in desperate, desperate need of more love language.

The thing about love languages is that their predominant connotation is in the realm of romantic love. But I’d like to shift the thinking — for this situation’s sake — to the global sense.

I mean, what if we were to all think about the different ways that we can best express love in our communities, to better the world at large, and make it a better place?

If you’re a words of affirmation person — what about going out of your way to write a letter of gratitude to a soldier overseas? Or send an email to your child’s teacher expressing your appreciation.

Quality time? How about volunteering at a nursing home? Or candy striping at a children’s hospital? Or even just showing the kids in your life that you like to be around them with your time and undivided attention.

Physical touch? How about volunteering with at-risk youth, or a Big Brother program where you can be there for someone who needs it most.

Acts of Service? Volunteering to clean up the park. Or working at a soup kitchen.

Gift giving? There are so many donation centers to help the homeless. Or my personal favorite: donating baby supplies at prolife crisis pregnancy centers for expectant mothers.

Whatever your love language is – the world needs more of it.

We’ve got to combat this oppressive cloud of hatred and negativity that’s thrown our way every single day in the media, on the internet, in the hallways at school.

Ellen was absolutely right — we have got to set aside our differences and be kind to one another no matter what.

It doesn’t matter our religion, our stance on political issues, who we voted for in the election, or heck — even how we feel about country music!

At the end of the day, we are all one family – created by God, worthy of love and respect. And somewhere along the lines, in efforts to promote political agendas, or “win” at certain arguments — that fundamental truth has been forgotten.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.“

What is one thing you can do this week to put more love out into the world?

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

247 thoughts on “Ellen Degeneres & The 5 Love Languages — A Connection No One Saw Coming”

  1. As usual an interesting post. There is a fantastic piece of writing by Alexander Pope – his essay on criticism – it is really worth reading. Not all criticism is worth reading and only that which has come from a individual you know, like, and respect. Anything else is hot air.

    Now the reality is most people who don’t know or haven’t met G W Bush or Ellen have little reason to like either, respect and there only knowledge is based on public persona. We can freely form our opinion, but as my gran used to say “it doesn’t give us the right to share it”

    Now I have moral issues with the decisions both of these public individuals have made. So I wouldn’t seek them out to befriend however, the Bible explains we hate the sin not the sinner. We have limited information and a shorter attention span so unless our opinion on a matter is truly informed we are better off keeping it to ourselves.

    I enjoy reading the comments as well because some modern philosophers would do well to review your readers wisdom.

    Mark

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    1. Hi Mark, oh gosh thank you so much! I’ll have to check out that piece of writing – sounds interesting! You’re right – we are to love people, even if we don’t necessarily agree with everything they do or say — we’re all in the same boat! hugs xo

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  2. I like your take on this. When things like that happen (all too often), I’m stuck for words. I have a hard time to understand why all the fire and the meanness. In my little corner of the world, it seems to be the only way politics are doing their job (as well as the media who are covering it). It makes me feel tired. There seem to be ’causes’ everywhere. You have to always pick sides. There’s no place for balance or nuance. No room for making mistakes even.
    My preferred love language is words of affirmation, without a doubt. When I see how much difference they make, I just know they’re worth to spread all.the.time. It makes my heart sing.

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  3. Thank you for this post. God is love – everything else flows from that. Whenever we do a loving action, or speak loving words, we align ourselves with the will of God. It’s good to read a blogger who says so – and you say so frequently, with a love that springs directly from your gratitude for healing. Thank you!

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    1. Hi Penny! Oh thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection. you’re right – everything flows from His love! love that! hugs ox

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  4. Excellent post! It’s amazing how the Holy Spirit moves us to write about similar things; my next post will be about where I went and what I saw this past weekend—The Auschwitz Exhibit in NYC and also the 911 Memorial. Both of those horrific acts could have been avoided, but hatred unfortunately, was the driving force on both incidents. LOVE is truly the answer to the world’s problems, but crazy as it seems, my dear friend, this world doesn’t want it…very sad.
    I am extremely proud of Ellen and what she said. I’m glad she commented on it, and I pray that hearts would be changed over this. Until the Lord Jesus returns, people like you and I are going to have to keep letting everyone know, that LOVE is better than hate, KINDNESS will win out in the end, and as much as those that hang onto the hatred, bitterness and resentment in this world, they’ll never find the freedom you and I have in Christ.
    Huuuuggggggsssss!!!

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    1. Hi Nett! Oh gosh thank you so much for this heart felt response! Oh my gosh, i’ve been wanting to go to theAuschwitz Exhibit. I literally run past it every day, and i say a prayer when i see that old train car. so sad. i’m really looking forward to reading your piece. You’re so right – love is the answer. big hugs xo

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  5. I can appreciate how kind words are important to you…

    I took the test on the 5LL website (I googled for the descriptions), and I am similar to your order but with words of affirmation last.
    It was interesting to read the descriptions also…

    We can change behavior to care for another

    I also wonder whether mine may change with time, as experience changes. They are all good things

    Hmm 🤔…

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  12. The “Five Love Languages” is one of my favorites. I always keep several copies in my office to loan or give away and whenever we have a wedding, I have the whole church sign a copy and we give it to the engaged couple as a gift.

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    1. Thank you so much Pastor Partridge. Isn’t it a great concept! such a great resource to pass along. love that gift idea! big hugs xo

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  13. Well said (or written, if you will). There’s too much negativity out there. People have a tendency to focus on the negative instead of the positive things in life, and they miss out on the things that really matter.

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    1. Thank you so much Rob for taking the time to read! You’re so right – let’s focus on the positive!!!! hugs xox

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  14. Small point: in your listing of the 5 languages, number 3 is written as “physical tough” instead of ‘physical touch’ as listed afterward. One letter does make a difference. Cheers.

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  15. It’s only thanks to God’s grace that we choose to fight the good fight everyday: loving one another. But as believers we know that love is dying in people’s hearts and that shouldn’t surprise us. We should continue to pray for the only one who can transform every one of us. We need his grace and mercy everyday. I actually like a number of movies with Mark and I feel compassion for him, he is clearly poisoning himself with self-justice.

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    1. Thank you so much — you’re so right about that — loving one another. That should be our number one priority! hugs xox

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  16. Nice how you turned this subject into more of a positive, Caralyn. The 5LL are great, the marriage devotional is a great tool as well. You also might like to read ‘The Social Media Upheaval’ by Glenn Reynolds. I found it at the library online. God bless! — Frank

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    1. Thank you so much Frank! Ooh – thanks for that recco – i’ll have to check out Reynold’s book! sounds intresting! hugs xo

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  17. Hello BBB, Such a beautiful post, stating what needs to be said in a kind way. You always do what you say and that’s the only way to get important truths to hit home.
    I’ve watched Ellen a few times and she always comes across as genuine and caring.
    When you make friends how can you know what they might do in the future, whether they will be judged wanting? And if you have friends who take a wrong turn how does it help them if they are abandoned by voices of reason, kind hearts, truth seekers?
    The whole attitude thing baffles me. “Let he who has not sinned …” comes to mind.
    I love my two boys (OK so they’re 44 and 41!!) unconditionally, but I accept we all have feet of clay. I fear that without tolerance kindness and love will struggle to overcome.
    Thank you for your wonderful words. X

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    1. Oh gosh, thank you so much Marilyn! I so appreciate your kind words. I love that – feet of clay — what a powerful and true thought. We’re all in the same boat and on a journey. patience, compassion and understanding goes a long way. as does kindness! hugs xo

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  18. Your post brings to mind lyrics from a Casting Crowns song:

    Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
    Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
    Let our hearts be led by mercy
    Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
    Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

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  21. great perspective on the whole Ellen incident. I thought she handled it quite well. And while I have heard of the five love languages, I am not that familiar with them. but your post made me want to read the book. thanks for the motivation!

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  23. “Everything we see on the news, on Twitter, on our timelines — is driven by negativity and fueled by criticism, and frankly — hatred. Our language has become so abhorrent — this Ellen witchhunt is the perfect example of just how far we’ve strayed in our quick-to-crucify world.”

    Every bit of that paragraph right there is so 1100% true. Not to crucify Ellen but why did it take her saying these things for some people to understand that we do need to be kind to one another – regardless of our differences.

    The world has so much hate, it is is scary. And it is not a race, sex, color, religion thing it is just plain simple hate. It is actual very evil.

    Thank you for also addressing the 5 Love Languages. I had looked into them once before but had lost track on them. I am going to dive more into them because I feel by understanding ours and others, we can be kinder to one another.

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    1. thank you so much Kel! Yes! We’ve got to combat that negative talk and put some love out in the world! so glad you stopped by! big hugs xo

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  25. Well spoken… I’ve often thought the same thing. We live in a world that twists the freedom we have. Kindness should be a driver, and is for many, but you bring up a valid point in the inability to agree on why kindness should be.

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  27. Such a good post! I’m sitting here thinking of all the people that Jesus loved – the ones all the “religious” men avoided and condemned. Then they also condemned Jesus for loving them, for eating with them, staying in their homes. We’re in good company when we love like Jesus and like Ellen.

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  29. I don’t think is about political orientation, the problem is being ok with somebody who sacrifice lives for his own interests… I give credits to Ruffalo, accept other people’s beliefs and being friend with someone who doesn’t think the same way you do

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  30. I’ m sorry I didn’t finish it :))))
    I was saying.. is a whole different thing, I like Ellen and nobody can judge, but words are so much nicer than facts 🙂
    I’ll go to your Amazon, I ll check out the tooth paste you sponsored, I buy more from Amazon than in real stores 🙂
    Sorry for the broken comment 🙂

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  31. Noticed the quote from Mark Ruffalo there… Its just sad to see some of my fav actors become pawns of the Democratic party. So much hate.
    I agree that the Iraqi war was completely unnecessary from the American point of view. But if one thing it did was that it rid the world of a truly horrible dictator. Ask any Iraqi person and they will tell you. I work with an Iraqi, so I’m aware and I live in the Middle East. I know what an effect he had on his neighbors. The only reason that there was peace where we live was because the US have a base in Saudi Arabia.
    This was a man who shot his sons in law in front of his daughters and their children; when they decided to flee during the first Gulf War. He was a man of paradox. On the flip side, He allowed a Christian minister to conduct his mission with a Police escort for protection.
    But nonetheless, he was a dangerous man and the Iraqi people were suffering.

    Getting back to topic at hand. If George Bush was truly a criminal in the eyes of the American people, then tell me why Oh Why didn’t they prosecute him when Obama was in power? Surely no politician is safe from being held accountable by his own people… Am I correct?

    So if it is so.. why the hate?

    I’ll tell you why the hate? If any party in the American political system is not at all tolerant, it is the liberal Democratic party. They are offended by the someone’s right to free speech and his/her own beliefs.
    If there was a party that wishes there was such a thing as mind control, it would be the Democratic party.

    Right now they are using the power of influence to spread the message that any belief which does not adhere to their policies needs to be crushed and demonized. It makes me sorry that so many decent American people are falling into the trap of the media hype.

    Well that’s my rant for the day.

    Getting back to your topic Caralyn. The world needs more love.. in all its forms. The beatitudes of Christ from Matthew chapter 5.
    Even more, as much as I despise the what the Democratic party is doing and seeing such trends move all over the world, as a Child of God, I am called to love – even when the world hates me for it.

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  33. This post really resonated with me (& I love the Love Language books). The world needs more kindness and tolerance more than ever. I get so tired listening to all of the negativity on my Twitter feed. I do follow politics and think it’s important to hold politicians accountable when necessary. However, it seemed unfair how people went after Ellen the way they did. Personally I was inspired when I saw that clip because of the humanity displayed- having a laugh despite all of their differences.

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    1. THank you so much! Oh i’m so glad this struck a chord with you. i agree – it was a beautiful display of humanity and tolerance and friendship!! was disappointed that it was taken to a negative space. glad you stopped by. hugs xo

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  36. Great post sister. Personally, truly believe Jesus would always start by asking us simply what we CAN give to one another before He would ever ask us what we could NOT give, as evidence of Matthew 23:23.

    Secondly, it’s about order and not so much right or wrong. Because “order” is about clarity and clarity is the antidote for confusion which then minimizes our anxiety and depression.

    And notice that what we “can” give, are things that we all can do FREELY without cost or genuine sacrifice. (i.e. encouraging words, hugs, praying with one another, and even a simple smile).

    Regretfully, these simple love languages that are so FREE, are often the most difficult things to give to our loved ones let alone our neighbor, friends, those whom we work with, our community and even those we see regularly at our local churches.

    Sorry that I may always seem anti-religion, but I believe the whole Protestant movement was simply a movement that promoted a more intimate relationship towards God from God the Father to a more gentler approach as God the Son, via a friend in Jesus.

    Obviously, we lost sight of this ‘protestant” heart, and intimacy with God as evidence of a recycled Protestant rhetoric via the Non-denominational movements in the last 30 years.

    I mention all these things, because mankind tends to always want to complicate things and take things out of order.

    I believe we all have a form of spiritual ADD/ADHD, that needs to be addressed and although money, food, shelter and “things” are needed in life, however those elements are worthless if one is not genuinely feel loved or needed in this life. Medically speaking, this is what we often call in children and sadly now evident in adults as a failure to thrive or FTT.

    In closing, on the day of Jesus’ betrayal, Jesus said something that pierced my heart in Mark 14:48. And I placed two translations of this blessed verse so that we may see the magnitude of His words.

    NIV
    “Am I leading a rebellion,” said Jesus, “that you have come out with swords and clubs to capture me?

    NLT
    “Jesus asked them, “Am I some dangerous revolutionary, that you come with swords and clubs to arrest me?”

    You see, although Jesus came with a very gentle approach towards sinners and with a gentle heart with a very gentle message, it did NOT however lower the bar on whether or not he offended people.

    Many were so offended, that sadly some went to great lengths physically to shut Him down.

    So why is this?

    Because although Jesus was NOT armed, and although a REBELLION was not on His agenda, Jesus did represent change, and change is very offensive.

    I thank God for your gifts again sister, and for your heart and advocacy for God’s unconditional love which is the only true change one can make in this life. And as a follower of Christ, I pray that my life reflects that same light, love and change.

    In the name of Jesus Christ, may we all receive our healing.

    Amen.

    Matthew 10:16 NKJV
    “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”

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    1. Thank you so much ray! Yes – order is about clarity! I love that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Hugs and love xox

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  37. I loved this post. I’m from Canada and hadn’t heard about this before (I haven’t been on social media or the news for a while), but your post hit it right on the head. Thank you for your perspective on the subject. The “Five Love Languages” is the best analogy for this issue. Really something to think about. Blessings. ❤

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    1. Thank you so much Kari! I’m so glad this resonated with you. Yes! I love the love languages – so much perspective! Hugs and love xox

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  38. I absolutely love this application of love languages! It resonated so deeply with me. Thank you for faithfully sharing your heart.

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    1. Hi Kara! Oh thank you so much! I’m so glad it hit home with you!! I appreciate you stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  39. This was a great article. I was stunned there was so much drama concerning kindness between Ellen and President Bush. I think we need to do better as a society. Even if you do not agree with someone, you can still agree on love. I love the five languages. Words of affirmation and quality time are my top two gifts. I read the book originally to learn how to communicate with someone who was difficult to communicate with and it made our association stronger. I am planning to read it a second time. Thank you for your brutal honesty.

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  41. So well said, Caralyn. I hope you know you are such an outlier (and I say that in a good way!) in this world — young, Christian and not afraid to show/live it, and doesn’t try to hide and be someone else. Keep it up!!! Ted

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    1. Thank you so much! oh my gosh what a kind thing to say!! I am seriously so touched, Ted. hope oyu have a great weekend! hugs xo

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  42. If we want a better world, even if just for our own sake ❤

    Matthew 7:2
    "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

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  46. This is such a good post!!! Wow.

    I love the five love languages book and it is so helpful to know how to show love in a way each person receives it. That book is a must read!

    “Throw kindness around like confetti” I LOVE that! 💕

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  50. I couldn’t agree more with all you have written. It seems that people are too focused on our differences than on what things we share in common.

    Amazing post! God bless you BBB.

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