Love, Two Ways

Don’t you just love it when God hits you over the head with a message?

haha – That came out a little strange, let me rephrase.

I love it when God not-so-inconspicuously sends you a message, through incredibly obvious coincidences, or reoccurrences, or what have you.

That happened this week.

If you haven’t heard, The Bachelor season premiere was this week. Yes, Pilot Pete met the 30 young women who will be vying to win his heart this winter/spring.

And of course, as your basic millennial, I was glued to my screen, snacks and wine in hand, to watch every glorious second of it.

Now, I know, I know — it’s not really the most altruistic or morally uplifting program I could be watching — but hey, it’s my guilty pleasure, and I love love.

Here’s the thing — typically, after watching the show, I think to myself, how outrageous it is that a man would be “dating” 30 women at once.

But sadly, this time around, — perhaps I’ve become a little jaded from my dating adventures in NYC — but this thought literally crossed my mind: “Well at least the other girls know that he’s dating other women.”

Yeah…welcome to dating in 2020.

But I digress. Table that for a hot second, because the very next day, I went to the Catholic Young Adult’s Mass. It’s this huge gathering of 500+ young people in NYC, and they rent out a bar afterwards for a party. It’s fun, but also, you feel like you’re in this giant fishbowl of men and women desperately looking for their spouse…name tags and all.

Again…I digress.

Anywho, the priest obviously had some homiletic training, because he knew his audience: his sermon was about dating.

And side note — it was not at all awkward for me to be listening to this, while sitting next to a guy I used to date and broke things off with…

AGAIN! I digress!! What is in the water this morning?!

Sorry — back to the story.

The homily was really powerful, and left a huge impression on my heart, especially given the fact that not 24 hours earlier, I was getting a full blown education on secular society’s idea of love and marriage, evidenced on the Bachelor. So this was just the juxtaposition I deeply needed.

So allow me to just share with you the beautiful take away that I’ve been thinking about ever since.

In a relationship, one of your most important purposes in the partnership, is to challenge your significant other to grow in holiness, and be the best version of themselves that they can be.

And I just thought to myself, Wow – isn’t that a beautiful thing.

And to be honest, that is the message I’ve grown up hearing. My motherpowerhouse wisdom giver — has always instilled in me, that the number one job of a spouse in a marriage, is to get the other person to Heaven.

(Like I said — she’s full of wisdom and knockout one liners!)

But I was struck with how much of a juxtaposition that is compared to say, what we see on The Bachelor. I can’t tell you how many women came out of the limos throwing condoms at him, or inappropriate jokes, or references to things that would make a sailor blush. And I mean, sure – go for that first impression, girl. No judgement here. But like…

Challenging the other to grow in holiness…

What a profound concept.

To be honest, “holiness” is a scary word. It’s so antiquated that you hear it, and your mind instantly goes to like, a cloistered nun, or a monk swinging incense while singing Gregorian chants with his eyes closed.

And in some extreme cases, “holiness” is equated with self-righteousness…we can thank the phrase “holier than thou” for that connotation.

So I’d like to offer another definition:

Holiness is simply pursuing Jesus.

Seeking Him. His heart. His will. Chasing after a deeper relationship. And pursuing His love with all your heart.

Because in doing so, it will inevitably effect your decisions, your words, your thoughts, your behaviors.

Challenging your partner to do that — not only will be eternally beneficial for them and their salvation, but it will keep Christ at the center of your relationship — which as we all know, is the key to a healthy and life long marriage.

And sure – I’m just a single gal, so what do I know. But having witnessed my parents’ beautiful 40+ years of marriage, I can at least say this with the authority of a second hand observer.

All I know is that: I want that. I deeply desire that love. And I do trust that God has it in store for me. He’s preparing my heart, and will let it come to be in His perfect time.

I just have to have patience, and in the meantime, challenge myself to grow in holiness, and fall more deeply in love with Jesus every day.

Which — might not be as flashy as The Bachelor, but when it comes to God, He plays the long game.

What is YOUR best dating or relationship advice? I’d love to hear!!

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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157 thoughts on “Love, Two Ways

  1. Yeah, I would LOVE to have a relationship like that, in which he and I push each other to be our best and most holy selves. It sounds downright divine to me, so sign me up!!

    1. Thank you so much Meg!! Right? Isn’t that such a beautiful concept?! Hugs and love xox

  2. That’s wonderful!
    Nothing is beyond His reach, not even the bachelor 🙂
    Your words sound a lot like Gary Thomas. He’s been an incredible blessing to me over the last decade.

    1. Thank you so much Daniel! You’re so right about that! I’ll have to check out Gary! Hugs and love xox

  3. Love this. The beginning was so funny 😆
    Challenging your significant other to grow in holiness – I couldn’t agree more with that and that definitely helps keep Christ in the centre in the relationship.
    Blessings Caralyn 😊💙

    1. Thank you so much! Haha glad you thought so 🙂 amen to that – such a cool thought! Have a great night! Hugs and love xox

  4. ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

    ◇ That was, Actually, a Goddess Delivered “Message” EveryOne; just like a Man ‘He’, “God”, wants Credit for EveryThing SHE!!! does…it’s Crystal Clear Clarity that 2020 is A Year Of The Goddess; so Step Up To The Plate Ladies

    ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

    …◇◇◇…

  5. Holy defined – Dedicated or consecrated to God. With that in mind, pursuing Jesus is getting there. You are setting yourself apart, dedicating yourself to Jesus. “Pursuing” Jesus? No. He already pursued you and won you at in-patient. No more pursuit needed. From anyone. We all need to learn the hardest thing a Christian can learn: that being a Christian is easy because Jesus has done all the heavy lifting. This is where Gnosticism took root. People keep thinking that they somehow still must earn salvation. Nope. We ACCEPT it.

    I told Hillary today to go ahead and just chat up a guy she likes. I missed out on some relationships, because I was too nervous to try. Once I realized I shouldn’t care very much if “she” rebuffs me, I was liberated. Not my type, then. Nothing lost. Move on. After swimming a mile once, I inadvertently asked a married lady at the pool for a date – her ring was in the locker. It was good. She felt desirable and I felt good that she would’ve said yes.

    Drop all baggage at the door to Club Date. Make a move like the world is your oyster. Sooner or later…

    1. You’re right about that Jeff – no pursuit necessary! Isn’t that an incredible thought?! Accept it – amen! And I love this encouragement. Thank you Jeff, I’m so grateful for your friendship! 🙂 Hugs and love to you and your girls! Xox

  6. Awesome post! I am so proud to know you and be one of your followers. You are a young woman living in New York City and you are encouraging other women to want the love that God wants women and men to have.

    I don’t think Jesus wants men and women to sublimate their love and desire for a beautiful partner through their careers or their love for Creation and or devotion to the poor and the homeless–forever.

    Nor do I think Jesus wants men and women to be wantonly toying with the affections of those they are seeking to impress or woo for a life-long mate.

    I think Guys and Gals who are dating and sleeping with 30 or more at a time…need a reality check. Being intimate with someone before one is sure they are the one, is dangerous and risky behaviour.

    These days the physical risks may seem minimal because of condoms and birth control pills. However, older women will often openly admit. A one night stand can lead to an unwanted pregnancy despite birth control. More importantly what many may find hard to openly admit and confess is the physical and spiritual bond that happens when two people share a profound, intimate moment under the cover of darkness.

    1. Thank you so much Linda!! Oh my gosh what a kind thing to say! And thanks for sharing this powerful perspective. Lots of great food for thought here! Amen! Have a great weekend! Hugs and love xox

    2. Temptation resisted is a true measure of one’s integrity and a test of genuine character.
      It’s far less difficult to behave as the wild beasts who seek no higher purpose.
      Pure instinct or meaning; the choice is each person’s to make, and they of course own the resulting subsequent consequences.

  7. Amen Caralyn, very wise! After 18 years of marriage, I can definitely say it is Jesus who has kept our marriage strong. Seeking and loving Him first is the key to a faithful marriage that pleases God. God bless!

    1. Thank you Ryan!! Congrats on 18 years of marriage! That is really something to celebrate! Amen!! Hugs and love xox

  8. My best relationship advice? Take your time and make sure you are both in phase with each other. It is so hard to find, and sometimes you may feel you can put up with things,hoping they change. Never continue a relationship where your partner doesn’t hear your words or your heart.

    1. Oh I love that so much Dean! Thank you! I love this advice 🙂 so powerful. Hugs and love xox

      1. Oh, and one thing to add to this too. Take time to step away to look at your relationship if you have any issues, and ask yourself, what would you tell your friend if she was you? Sadly, I had forgotten that myself, but, I will be better. Hugs my friend!!

      2. Yes!! Oh my gosh that is such great advice. Because I always want the absolute BEST for my besties and yet I don’t demand the same for myself. Yes! Let’s do that in 2020!! 🙌🏼

      3. Definitely. I’m a little upset with myself that I forgot the core advice I give in that. Sigh. But, I’ve come to terms with this and accept that I can be better.

  9. “Chasing after a deeper relationship.” Something caused me to frown with this thought. If Jesus is truly in the heart, He is there. Just a personal observation from people I have known in life. – If they feel they are still chasing after a relationship with the Lord, and/or that they don’t have a deep relationship with Him, then maybe they are spending more time ‘in the world’ than they are ‘in the Word’. A relationship is only chased after if it is not there. A deeper relationship takes work, and that work is reading and praying that knowledge and understanding is imparted. Most never read the first five books of the Bible (Word), and without knowing God we will never know Jesus.

    1. Thank you so much for this powerful perspective. That’s a great point. It’s deepening it that we should be chasing after. Hugs and love xox

  10. I’ve heard that quote before, “help your spouse get into heaven.” But we know that all one must do to go to heaven is to accept Christ, which hopefully whomever a Christian is married to is also a Believer. That being said, you are so right… the closer we get to God, the more blessed our relationships are, and we are to encourage eachother to deepen that relationship with God all the time. Do we always get it right? No, but as long as you are both jogging toward Christ together, He will bless that union. Thanks again for another beautiful post, Care.

    1. Yes! That’s a great great point. Encourage one another to deepen that relationship – amen!! Hugs and love xox

  11. Don’t make the mistake of thinking the bachelor is normal courtship. Entertaining perhaps, but as historical men are the pursuers of women to put women in an OPEN COMETITION for men is a recipe for disaster. 🙂

    Ask yourself one question: Would these women be chasing this one man if they weren’t in a competition with other women?

    Women want the best man possible, fair enough, but the status of these men are overinflated by the 2 dozen other women vying for his affections.

    If they were individual going for him irrespective of other women they openly see competing for him the season would be over after 3 episodes 😉

    1. Thanks for this Marc, you’re right about that – recipe for disaster for sure!! Great perspective! Hugs and love xox

  12. Yes! Challenging one another to holiness is the most important purpose in marriage. Without it, the relationship becomes fractured. Believe me, I know this from the hard experience of abandonment I pray you are spared from. I am so grateful the Lord graciously granted me a second chance! Love shared with someone sold out to Jesus can be so beautiful! The best advice I have is to keep Him first. All else He has for you will follow. And, it will be amazing beyond all your dreams! Also, something an old friend once said to me: Be picky in the name of Jesus! You are a daughter of the King. You don’t have to settle. Blessings and prayers to you! ☺

    1. Thank you so much!! That is seriously such great advice. Amen – He is so generous with us 🙂 Thanks for the wonderful encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  13. I’m a failure at romance, but my parents were married 50 years until my mom died and it wasn’t perfect, there were lots of (silly) fights, and even threats to break up. But they never did. They stuck it out. They came from an era when people didn’t expect perfection or instant gratification. They were okay with some bad days, angry days, silent dinners. They didn’t think… oh, this sucks, let me download an app and find someone new. Nope. Something to think about, maybe…

    1. Thank you for sharing that, Paula. There is something really beautiful about witnessing such strong committment like that. Amen – really is something to think about. You work through it. thanks for stopping by. big hugs xox

  14. Great message. There are times the wait is hard as preparation for you and the other person is occurring. Many times I want a clear cut answer but it’s hard to trust in an area so vulnerable and powerful such as love/heart. Fear of pain leads to… the desire to really know that it’s God’s will beyond a shadow of a doubt. This is what’s brought me unease but I still walk in faith and trust God’s will. I’m ready as well.

    1. thank you so much! Amen — trust is hard, but so powerful!! and i can definitely relate to that fear of pain. Amen! His will! big hugs to you xox

  15. As a young man I graduated from Bible College! It was common to find one’s life companion at Bible College, but I did not! After graduation I went home to Alberta (yes Canada) and got a job for two weeks after which, with money in pocket, I quit my job and headed for British Columbia. My mother asked why I was doing such a foolish thing? I told her I had graduated from Bridal College but had not found my Bride and maybe he had a bride for me in BC! Two weeks later we met, married two years later and last June celebrated our 45th anniversary! I believe a marriage relation requires a trinity of relationship! My wife, me and Jesus, in holy union! The Bachelor attempts to accomplish true love without Jesus! It is bound to fail!

    PS – Our city – Kelowna, BC, is one of the mildest, most beautiful locations in Canada and has some incredible acting opportunities, not to mention powder snow on our ski hills and handsome available guys, Ha Ha! Check us out for your next vacation destination! We also love Trinity Church Kelowna! Enjoy our on line thought provoking live services! http://www.trinitychurchkelowna.ca

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story! and yes! a trinity of relationship! That is so so beautiful. Thanks for this encouragement! and I’ll definitely add Kelowna to my list of places to visit! hugs xo

  16. My dear Caralyn,

    Men and women are like Ying and Yang, they are separated but still can be One, one soul, one heart, one life at the feet of God. If the wife is spiritually developed she can develop her whole family, child/children and husband. Spirituality means: “Man know thyself” – and the more we know ourselves, the more we are aware of all the tricks of our mind it plays with us. The real love between a partnership is always unconditional for example our sun gives light to each and everyone, it does not ask things in return, it gives its light out of pure love. So when we really love we want our partner to be a pure river that flows into the Ocean (God). In this physical world the wife can help her husband, if she is ready to clean herself from the dirt of thousands of things we get in touch with this world, then this colour will also be adopted by her husband and children as well. So a developed wife can really help her partner, here on earth. Some day when both have left the body, it is then the husband that can help his wife to go forward on the way back Home. In this sense both souls help each other to become pure and innocent like children, they become One, their souls merge from two to One – this is a way of becoming more and more conscious as we cannot enter the house of the Father in dirty clothes.

    In the Bible we have: “Love and everything else will be added onto you…”

    May God help you to find the right partner that your yearning for the deep love of your soul will be answered.

    Do not be disappointed, dear friend, if I say that datings will not lead you to your dream come true – wait patiently what kind of plans God has for you, yes, be more patient with yourself.

    All that is good for you, dear Caralyn
    Hugs and love
    Didi

    1. This is so incredibly beautiful, thank you Didi! wow, I am so moved by this. so much wisdom here. And yes! gotta wait patiently becuase God truly has something good in store for me, all in His time! 🙂 Big hugs xox

  17. Dating advice? I think you are on the right track. I failed at the dating game, largely because I was the weird nerd in a sea of macho men. Then I stumbled into a blind date, set up by my landlady, with someone who was looking for the King of the nerds. She was so tired of the macho men. God brought us together. On 2/21 in a few weeks, we will have been married 45 years. God will help you find the man who is seeking holiness.

    1. thank you so much for sharing your story! That’s so amazing! 45 years! congrats! that’s truly something to celebrate! God will always find a way! 🙂 hugs xox

  18. Good morning
    Dating advice? So long ago I can’t recall! Relationship advice? My husband and I have been together 47 years and I’d suggest the most important factors are compatibility in belief / faith and sense of humour. Following on from those – or perhaps coming out of both of those – agreement on the moral stance / ethical values you hope to pass on to your children. After that everything else kinda falls into place. That may all sound ‘holier than thou’ but HUMOUR is absolutely key.
    It has definitely sustained us through some turbulent times. My poor husband has had to cope with my long bouts of mental illness, autistic meltdowns, etc. But we’re still here, sitting side by side at our computers (!!) looking out over the beautiful North Wales countryside. And every day when we walk outside or think about our family we agree ‘We are blessed.’
    Blessings to you and your readers, and thank you for another wonderful and thought-provoking post.

    1. Hi Marilyn! thank you so much for this beautiful advice. 47 years! wow, congratulations! that is truly something to celebrate. Yes — humor is the key!!! thanks for the encouragemetn! big hugs xo

  19. Make sure you get to know each other well before marriage. Give enough time for the real person to show up under all circumstances. See how they react to different life stresses.

    Marry someone who is easy-going and generally happy…even fun!

    Check how they treat their mother. I think there’s something to that.

    Marry of the same faith – but that in itself is not enough. Be compatible.

    Oh and don’t wait around – be proactive. Meet people. Make friends.

    Don’t expect to change them once you’re married.

    Follow your gut more than your heart.

    1. Cannot emphasise enough on “Don’t expect them to change once you’re married”!!

      That tidbit came out in marriage counseling in that my wife always expected me to change. If I would have known, I would have stopped it all right then instead of the failed relationship it has become.

      1. There really is so much truth there — i have written that down in my journal. Thank you for sharing your heart and your story. sending big hugs xo

    2. This is such great advice! Thank you so much Johanna! 🙂 oh yes — how they treat their mother is a big one! I love when guys call their mom “mother” too — it shows a certain type of respect and affection:) be proactive! yes! love that one! so much wisdom! thank you! hugs xo

    1. it really is so majestic! YES!!! I’m cheering for you! 2020 is going to be the best year yet!!! 🙂 hugs xo

    1. That is such beautiful and comforting advice. Thank you so much!! Hope you have a great weekend! Hugs and love xox

  20. Such a great post! I love how the Lord opened your eyes to see the “coincidences” He drops in for us to see and from which to learn. We only “see” them when we are focused on Him. Yes, He does have someone for you. Best relationship advice: “Live your best life in Christ and the person God is preparing for you will be on your path. You don’t have to worry or go looking. A person is most attractive when they are pursuing God’s plan for their life and not fretting over finding ‘the one’.” May God bless you! P.S. Worst relationship advice I ever received: ‘You’ll just know’ with no additional guidance added.

    1. Thank you so much! You’re right about that – He always is teaching and will find a way to get the message across! I love that advice! Thank you! Hugs and love xox

  21. Good read, justa thought though, when you wrote this …” one of your most important purposes in the partnership, is to challenge your significant “… I know you’re expressing this in a spiritual sense, but this attribute often grows into that self-righteousness you mentioned later.

    It could easily grow into that ‘ nagging wife ‘ issue, challenging a spouse isn’t mentioned any where in scripture; love, respect, humility, submitting to & reverencing each other are mentioned for both though.

    Just my thoughts.
    Aside from that take away, very good article.

    1. Thank you so much for this powerful perspective. There’s a lot of truth there- respect is an absolutely necessary foundation! Hugs and love xox

  22. Great post. Funny read too. I am addicted to reality shows too and it’s my guilty pleasure. But my dating advice would be to be patient. I’ve noticed rushing into anything causes you to make bad decisions!!

    1. Thank you so much Lia! They really are great guilty pleasures haha. Awesome advice – thank you!! Hugs and love xox

  23. I love your blog and I don’t mean to be negative here but I do find it hard to understand why you would even want to continue watching the Bachelor when it seems to violate so many standards of Christian principles for love and marriage. Praying for God to bring that right one into your life. My advice – make sure you are friends. As my husband and I age, beauty has faded, even sexuality grows dim – but friendship is a foundation that lasts forever.

    1. Thank you Barbara for your prayers and powerful advice! Friendship is an awesome and necessary foundation!! Hugs and love xox

  24. What an awesome post. Not many Christians seem to be actively seeking holiness and sanctification these day. What a great encouragement this post is to the rest of us. Peace and grace to you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

  25. I confess to thinking a bit like your mum. Speaking for myself, I had to learn that my most important job was, to get out of the way and let God do his job. Ultimately I believe, our salvation is between us and God.We can only be a good model, which I probably was not and pray for them.

    1. Thanks so much for sharing your heart. Let God do His job – what a powerful thought. Hugs and love xox

  26. One thing my wife and I heard in our premarital counseling was to face each other and hold hands in the midst of an argument.
    Reminds each of you of the bigger picture that you are in this together and for the long haul.

    1. Wow what a powerful action. I love that so much. Actions speak!! Thanks for sharing that! Hugs and love xox

  27. There’s a reason I have not watched TV for decades! Nor have I warmed to the idea of the reality-TV shows, ever since I heard the concept of Survivor…. One winner and a bunch of losers. The liturgical calendar of Epistle readings has recently been from 1st John. All about righteousness, sin, and the power of love. Love is inclusive, not exclusive. Love is about serving others, not getting my due. Love is about now, not some future fantasy. Love your neighbors and the rest will take care of itself. From Leviticus 19 to 1st John, and all the references in between. So many examples, from Moses to The Bachelor, of how we keep missing the point. -Hugs, Bro-O (aka Oscar, aka O-Man, etc)

  28. “the number one job of a spouse in a marriage, is to get the other person to Heaven.”
    Wow. What a powerful statement and one that I never considered before. Thanks for sharing this.

  29. What a beautiful reflection on what a deep relationship truly is. God hit you over the head good 😉

    1. Aw thank you so much Jennifer! Haha yes He did! I love it when that happens! 😂 Hugs and love xox

  30. Solomon urged the young man to find a “Godly” wife that wouldn’t make his “flesh rot”… Compare that to women that would throw condoms? WOW! Definitely shows the difference among standards. Shalom to you, Friend.

  31. I think I know how Pilot Pete feels… Correction, if his motives are honest and sincere, then I know how he feels.
    Some years ago, I made a mistake… well… maybe its not a mistake… I’ll leave that to you to judge.
    https://julxrp.wordpress.com/2015/02/09/did-i-just-get-myself-a-mail-order-bride/

    https://julxrp.wordpress.com/2015/10/25/the-ukrainian-connections-are-they-worth-it/

    How is it possible that someone like me will be able to get so much attention on these sites, when I can’t even get a girl to talk to me at a bar?
    It seems apparent that I only appear attractive in the virtual world, whereas my real persona leaves much to be desired.

    Currently, at this moment, there are 10 ladies that are constantly messaging me online. They are real, their intentions are real. But I made the decision that I would not commit to any relationship with someone without meeting the person face to face. With it all being virtual, I think that is the best to be honest.
    You hit the nail on the head when you said.. “Well at least the other girls know that he’s dating other women.”
    Because this is the same for me as well. Well that’s my story…

    Reading the rest of the article, You are correct Care.. the main point of a partner is to support, uplift and help. It is probably the main reason why Paul said, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.”
    You often hear this being quoted in Christian circles in reference to marriage and dating. Why?..
    The Yoke referred here is when two oxen are tied together to pull a plow. Its tough work and if both are not up to the same level, you will find one bearing almost pretty much the whole load.
    Being yoked has more in reference with marriage than actual dating, but if we look at it, we essentially should be looking for someone Godly who will help us on our day to day walk with Christ.
    Now notice how I said, “Godly”.. There are many wolves in sheep’s clothing. Be watchful for that as well.

    And here is something for the person who loves love. When God created woman, he took a rib from the man. Ever notice why it was a rib? Think about it.. The answer is actually quite romantic…

    1. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading your posts. Sounds like you e got your hands full with online suitors! This is some really great advice. Thank you. And yes! A rib – by his side and protecting his heart! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      1. Haha… Hands full is pretty much an understatement. It certainly is not easy being the good guy and making sure that I don’t do or say anything to give someone false hopes. After all, as great as movies might make online dating sound (You’ve Got Mail, etc.), you can’t really know someone unless you’ve spent time with him/her, face to face..
        The mask of the internet can make me sound like a stud, when you read my letters. But in reality… I’m a bit of average looking marshmallow.

        You are absolutely correct about the rib. 🙂

      2. you’re so right – face to face time is absolutely necessary! hugs xo

  32. I sort of know what Pilot Pete is feeling and going through; if his motives of a serious relationship are truly and honestly sincere and not just for the show.
    Looking at the Bachelor, maybe I should go on the show. But considering I’m just tall, dark and goofy-looking, I doubt the show’s producers would take me seriously. And I don’t live in the U.S. #Bummer
    Sorry I digress… (must be catchy)..
    Dating apps, and the usual ways of meeting someone didn’t work for me. They don’t work for me. Hence why a few years ago, this happened…

    https://julxrp.wordpress.com/2015/02/09/did-i-just-get-myself-a-mail-order-bride/

    https://julxrp.wordpress.com/2015/10/25/the-ukrainian-connections-are-they-worth-it/

    Fast forward to right now, I have over 20 ladies trying to start a serious relationship with me. How is it possible that someone like me will be able to get so much attention on these sites, when I can’t even get a girl to talk to me at a bar?
    It seems apparent that I only appear attractive in the virtual world, whereas my real persona leaves much to be desired.
    And you hit the nail on the head when you said… “Well at least the other girls know that he’s dating other women.”
    That is exactly the same thing where I am as well. The only difference is that they don’t know whom the other is. I actually got letters from twins, offering a two for one special. Can you imagine that?
    Now while that sounds like a dream come true for most guys, I’m not that kind of person. Well I’m digressing again… The main thing, I completely understand where he is right now.

    Anyways.. that my story. I am living my own version of “The Bachelor”.. Watch this space to see what the outcome will be. LOL.

    Reading the rest of your article Care, you are completely correct with regards to holiness.
    The Apostle Paul wrote, “Do not be yoked with unbelievers.” In Christian circles, it is a quote often used in reference to marriage and dating; well more with marriage. But it is supposed to be a guideline into what sort of person you should be looking for as a life partner.
    The word Yoke here is in reference to two oxen tied together to plow a field. If both are not of the same level and strength, the plowing will not go well and one will be bearing more of the burden.
    You don’t want to have someone in your life, who constantly challenges you in your walk with Christ.
    You’re look for a partner. Someone to help you, protect you, help you grow.. Someone who will fulfill his God given duties and responsibilities in the relationship.

    And for that person who loves love… Do you know why God took a rib from Adam to make Eve?.. The answer is actually quite romantic.. Think about it…

    Have a good day Caralyn.

  33. What a breath of fresh air this message is in what can be a very toxic, self-focused part of our culture! As a married woman (after a long wait for God to bring the right guy), I can say that marriage is the BEST thing ever, but it is also a constant refinement – iron sharpening iron, if you will – that brings about a mutual need to press more deeply into Jesus so we can continue to love well (despite being two very different human beings trying to do life together forevermore 😄). So grateful for your truth-telling… keep it up!

    1. hi Kara, oh thank you so much!! amen to that — iron sharpening iron, i love that metaphor. thanks for sharing and for the encouragement!! Hugs and love xox

      1. I’m so sorry, Amanda. Sending you the biggest hug in the world right now 💛

      2. Oh my gosh that breaks my heart. You’re so right – she is in the peaceful and loving arms of Jesus, and won’t the reunion be so sweet one day 💛 i love you dear friend

  34. Wow. I really love the post. It’s not easy as a young believing Christian woman faced with all sorts of worldly standards directly contradicting God’s will and template for relationships and marriage. Thank you so much for this post, it’s very encouraging and wonderful to find an American woman with such strong beliefs. Your mother is also a very wise woman, I’m thankful for the pillars of wisdom she’s instilled in you and the godly example of a Christ-Defined home demonstrated by your parents marriage. We stay strong and hopeful, trusting in God’s best for us. 🤞🥰🤗

    1. Thank you so much Zizi for sharing your heart. Amen to that! We really can trust that He has the best in store for us!! Hugs and love xox

  35. I appreciate and agree with your thought that one should “challenge your significant other to grow in holiness.” So true. However, for that effort itself to be holy, not to mention successful, the challenging must be gentle and persuasive, allowing the other to choose holiness, rather than respond to a mandate. Perhaps then it can work.

    1. A gentle challenge – I love that. So so true. Thanks Roger for this powerful perspective! Hugs and love xox

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