The Question We Don’t Want to Answer

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Quarantine Day 53, NYC

Well, we’ve officially surpassed the 50 day mark for quarantine. I feel like there should be some sort of consolation prize for that grim milestone. Like a four-pack of Charmin Ultra Soft and a handle of top shelf liquor or something. At the very least a travel size mini Purell hand sanitizer. Is that too much to ask?

I read a staggering statistic recently: 30 million. Thirty million. That’s the current number of people who have filed for unemployment in the US as a result of the coronavirus.

If that number seems outrageous, that’s because it is. Nearly 18.6% of the work force now finds themselves out of a job or furloughed, thanks to the current state of things.

And reading that, I’m sure it hits close to home for many of you. I know it does for me.

Just this past week, I lost another acting job due to COVID19. That’s the second time during this pandemic, on top of a canceled speaking engagement that was scheduled for March.

Thirty million people. Each, not just a “number,” but a person. With a story: Moms. Dads. Siblings. Spouses. Sons and daughters. Friends. Colleagues. That staggering statistic hits differently when you think about the person behind the number: struggling to pay bills, put food on the table, blowing through savings, or finding themselves having to go to food banks for the first time, ever.

It’s heartbreaking.

I spent a lot of time this weekend, reflecting on that. Wrestling with thoughts of inadequacy and disappointment from digesting the news about that acting job. But a thought came into my head, that I wanted to share with you.

Right now, work looks differently for everybody. If we’re not grappling with job loss, then we’re adjusting to a redefined role at our jobs. And as a result, one of the things I think most people have been confronted with as we’re all met with more time on our hands than ever before, is this very soul-defining question: How am I contributing to society?

What does it mean that’s I’m not essential? Aren’t we all essential? And if not, then what does that mean about me?

Because at the end of the day, all any of us want, is to matter. We could be talking jobs, we could be talking in a relationship, we could be talking to our communities…Do I matter?

And I think what we’re all — myself included — coming to realize, as a result of this quarantine, is that a lot of us have been tying up too much of our worth in our jobs.

My worth comes from my contribution to my company. To my ability to make money. To my position as X, Y, or Z on the corporate laddar. To my paycheck.

My worth is defined by my contribution to society.

And as those things have been stripped away or significantly altered — for, at a bare minimum, 30 million of us — we’re left grappling with a question we’re terrified to answer?

Do I matter?

I felt this question worm its way into my head this weekend, during a quiet moment of weakness. And to be honest, it’s a thought that I have wrestled with before, during my eating disorder.

You see, oftentimes, with anorexia comes crippling perfectionism. The usually go hand in hand. At least they did for me. I had tied up my worth in this completely unattainable standard of perfection.

I believed I had to be perfect to be loved.

I had to achieve this, and earn that, in order to qualify for love. In order to be worth something.

It gave me a false sense of security, believing that I could control those outcomes.

And eventually, that quest for perfection began to strangle every aspect of my life: from my academics, to sports and extra-curriculars, to which social group I ran with, to my boyfriend, to my appearance, and eventually — to my weight.

And there you can see the spiral take off.

I had to completely surrender that destructive way of thinking. And for me, it took rock bottom to get there.

I remember exactly where I was when it finally “clicked.”

I was at an inpatient hospital across the country from my family. And part of the admittance process is that you have to undergo an initial medical assessment of sorts. I was brought into this back room with these two stern nurses, and they handed me a blue, backless, paper hospital gown with the one word instruction, “Strip.” Because they wanted to do a full body check for any sign of self harm, which is a common manifestation of eating disorders. And standing there, shivering, naked, at 78 pounds, with no hair on my head because it had all fallen out due to malnutrition, getting checked for signs of self mutilation at an eating disorder treatment facility — I thought to myself, — Caralyn. This is it. My life does not get any lower than this. 

I had spent the last year and a half, manipulating and lying to everyone I loved. I destroyed my relationships — didn’t return a phone call or text for two years. I had dropped out of everything: Went from top scholar, varsity athlete, to a very sick, deeply broken girl. I had nothing. Absolutely nothing left.

If God can rescue me from that…From that pit of rock bottom. If God can look at that scared and shaking girl and see her worth, and value, and dignity as a Child of God — there is nothing He cannot do. 

Right now, we’ve got two choices. We can either succumb to the lie that our worth lies in our job titles. In what we achieve. In what we accomplish.

OR, we can claim the truth that our worth is completely separate from those superficial externalities. Yes – work is important, and we were made to work. But it does not define that which was determined by Jesus’ death on the Cross.

That is what truly defines our worth. Our dignity. Our value: Jesus defined it for us.

Our greatest job in life, is to claim that truth. And embrace the absolute freedom and security that comes with it.

Do I matter?

More than I will ever know. I matter enough for Christ to literally die for.

And knowing that truth, the question then becomes, how will I respond?

As we set out on another week in quarantine, know that I’m praying for you, that I love you, and that I am grateful for your presence in my life! You matter to me! 🙂

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

TAKE ME TO THE B³ STORE!
This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is care-dad-hat-1021x1024.jpg
Yay for cute hats!

A big thank you to my foundational sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy. I cannot begin to express how beneficial therapy was for my recovery from anorexia.  Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.

***THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS ORDERED MY BOOKS, BLOOM: A JOURNAL BY BEAUTYBEYONDBONES AND “MY BLOGGING TIPS“***Click to order your copy!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is img_2724-1024x683.jpg

SIGN UP BELOW FOR MY FREE NEWSLETTER!
GET MY DAILY VIDEOS, RECIPES AND POSTS DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX!

[mc4wp_form id=”30616″]

Here was yesterday’s video! https://youtu.be/8pmp4ZI968A

MAGIC TOOTHPASTE? Yes! I am in love with this superior whitening toothpaste. It keeps my smile sparkling, without sensitivity or bleach! I made a website where you can directly order this miracle product! So if you want to give it a try, you can go ahead and grab a tube for yourself. I promise, your smile will thank you!Get a tube!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is img_8166.jpg

I had so much fun going through the FabFitFun winter box — it’s filled with awesome products — from beauty, to fitness, fashion, skincare, home — all full size, valued at over $250, but sold for only $39.99 when you use my code “SANTABABY!”

Be sure to check out my affiliate, Audible. Listening to audiobooks while I cook is literally my new favorite thing. And just for you, they’re offering a Free 30-Day Trial Membership. And with this free membership, you’re going to get 2 free audiobooks! Literally. Free. It is the best deal ever. And if for some reason, you decide it’s not for you, you can cancel within those 30 days and it’s zero money out of your pocket, plus, you get to keep the 2 audiobooks. Soooo…it’s pretty much a no brainer. Plus, it’s a free and easy way to support this blog! So thank you!! 

Huge shoutout to my favorite: Ethos Spa Skin and Laser Center in Summit, New Jersey! Located just outside of NYC, this gorgeous medical spa keeps my skin healthy and bright! Stop in and treat yo’self! 🙂

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is E8C4AAF3-4F76-48BF-B1B7-09FCBB9F951C-150x150.jpg

STAY CONNECTED!

@beauty.beyond.bones – Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is patreon.png

For Podcast versions of my posts, please check out Patreon! It’s only $2 a month!! You make this blog possible 🙂

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is IMG_1288.jpg

And really quickly, I’ve had several questions concerning my Amazon link (amazon.com/shop/beautybeyondbones) — You do not need to buy one of my specific highlighted products on my page, in order for it to “credit” my account. Any purchases that you search or make from anywhere on Amazon, after first visiting my Amazon page, will credit this blog and help support this blog ministry. I am truly so grateful and appreciative to those of you wanting to do so! So thank you! Again, it is an absolutely free, and easy way for you to help keep this blog going!

Published by

Unknown's avatar

beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

203 thoughts on “The Question We Don’t Want to Answer”

    1. thanks for sharing that, Lawrence. it’s definitely out of our control! stay well. Hugs and love xox

      Like

      1. Yea, the bad guys are out of control to be more concise and I know from being in their gauntlet in my home turf they are evil badasses in the Dem Nazi cartel! I know people like you and many others are fine and good thing we have ya, but the bad is outweighing the good because too many victims of circumstance and the evil swallows them up like fishes! Being led astray and sucked into the whirlpool but warriors are coming and I want to be one before I kick it! Raw energy here not the kid I once was but my soul is stronger!

        Like

      2. I know Caralyn you dig it and see it! I wish too but my day of wishing upon a star is past; because things would be so much different for me and those I could touch with my heart! But the cold and hard evil has done damage! Though, I’m here to say its all going down BIG TIME! Then, evil will be NO MORE!

        Like

      3. Hi Caralyn! This is one good reason I made that remark about out of control and insane last night!
        I’ve been thinking how corrupted and wrong society has gotten where sensibility, plain decency, morality, principles and integrity are becoming extinct qualities in so many people who have turned to pagan secular mindsets that are ruining humanity.
        On October 1, 2019, the Little Sisters of the Poor asked the Supreme Court to protect them from the HHS contraceptive mandate again and end their legal battle once and for all. The Supreme Court will review the Third Circuit’s decision in Little Sisters of the Poor v. Commonwealth of Pennsylvania on May 6, 2020.
        https://www.becketlaw.org/case/commonwealth-pennsylvania-v-trump/

        Like

  2. There’s such an opportunity to proclaim the grace of God, announcing that people are chosen and loved not for any status or achievements, but because God values them. Thanks for blogging grace, although I’d still love to see you get your Charmin, liquor or Purell this side of eternity 🙂

    Like

    1. you’re so right about that! Because He loves and values us! thanks for sharing that 🙂 hahahah me too! bring on the cha cha cha charmin! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  3. Caralyn, the garbage that happened to me over the last decade I knew the world was getting very evil and getting much darker, so now I’m at least still alive to say so! I like that! I tell the devil and all of his minions they will get their DUE! In the name of Jesus Christ!!! Amen!!!

    Like

    1. thanks Lawrence for sharing that 🙂 i’m sorry that you’ve had to go through that garbage!

      Like

      1. I know Caralyn you dig it and see it! I wish too but my day of wishing upon a star is past; because things would be so much different for me and those I could touch with my heart! But the cold and hard evil has done damage! Though, I’m here to say it’s all going down BIG TIME! Then, evil will be NO MORE!

        Like

      2. Funny thing, I had an internet problem all day and had to postpone my attending to matters but then I just got it all back moments ago when you put up your blog post! Good timing by someone!!!? You take care! See ya!

        Like

      4. Thanks btw but, eh stuff happens, that’s how this place works! I say gutta let it roll off! Like my kid sister used to say when we were growing up or I mean she was growing up lmao, life’s a beach, then you die!!! Heavy Metal girl what can I say, nuff said! 🙂 Out for a 5 mile trek at the crack of dawn; that’s something I CAN DO!!! Later Gator! We both used to say that one! Hahahaha. 😜😂 🤣 🤣 👍 🙏

        Like

  4. Hi Caralyn, we are struggling with self worth a thousand different ways. For men, the job title, the income, the car you drive, and yes even looks too. How much you bench press at the gym… For me, it took a long to getting over education and career because I was unemployed for 2+ years during the last recession and with an advanced degree. I can empathize with those with 0 income, what seemed so sure is now sand. 😦

    But as you said, it is either we look to God’s unconditional love, or wallow in self-pity and lying and manipulation. Praying for God will provide.

    Like

    1. Thanks for sharing that, friend. You’re right – the struggle is real, and different for each person. yes – joining you in those prayers. Stay well. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  5. Yes, I do agree we see our worth in society based on capacity to contribute.

    But while reading your post, a thought that has been doing the rounds comes to my mind.

    There have been mentions of your medical history and you drawing life lessons from it. I too am recovering from a medical condition. My dilemma is when does falling back on the past to continuously compare our present become too much. In the sense of relating everything back to pre and post condition.

    Like

    1. thank you so much for sharing that – that’s a very good question. I think it all depends on where your headspace is in the comparison. If you’re looking back as a strength to see how you’ve grown and in appreciation for the lessons learned, i think it’s fine. and beneficial. Gratitude is a powerful thing. So is perspective. But if it’s being used as a crutch or in longing, i think it is not beneficial. hope that clarifies. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  6. I think this is my favorite post that you have ever done. We have become a society that our “worth” has been so caught up in the material things we have, the car we drive, the home etc… that when one loses any of it, they almost go insane. That is why I stay country! LOL!

    If we would look at life, that this could be our last day on this earth, would any of these things really matter? No! The thing which is going to matter in our last breath, is “did we have enough faith, did we serve God well, are we going up or down?”

    You know I had a little ten year old cousin that died, and as she was dying she told her grandmother, “Grandma, do you see him sitting in that chair?” Grandmother: “Who?’ ” That angel he has come to get me.” Then her next statement was as she was dying, “Oh Grandma it is so beautiful, I wish I could take you with me.” That was her last words and she died at that moment.

    She was ten years old, dying, and had not one ounce of fear. In fact she wanted to take my aunt, (her grandmother) with her.

    I think right there we should understand what our worth truly is to God. Loved the post, love you more, and God Bless, SR

    Like

    1. Oh SR, i am so sorry to hear that. That is just so tragic. but wow – what a powerful message from one so young. You’re right about that — our worth to Him is truly incomprehensible! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  9. What a crazy time we live in, in a crazy world often we feel helpless when we look at a big picture such as the one you have today. But I think there are lots of things we can do to support our local community bubble such as walk to different local shops and support local shop keepers even if this means trying a shop that is still open that you have yet to go in that is local to you. Buying goods that you want to see them sell more of either organic, fair trade or just simply local produce for you that would be USA or NY County. Some restaurants and bars in Exeter are now licensed to sell stuff to public via deliveroo or ubereats or a local equivalent.

    If you have a favourite bar or cafe why not ask them if this is something they could do, if they know you they might listen to you and if they are already doing it try and support them when you can. My Dad gets beer delivered from a local brewery which is good for my dad and good for the local brewery. My local brewer is the Guinness Factory in Dublin but that is another story. Also if you know local musicians why not try and buy there album (if you like having something to show for your money which I do or purchase a digital copy of their music. Every little helps. As consumers we can shape the world we want to live in. I would love to own a copy of your book one day but yet to choose to purchase it on Amazon. You write such interesting posts and really opened my eyes to ideas and thoughts that were in the shadows to my life before. Cwtche from me to you via the magic of the World Wide Web.

    Like

    1. you’re so right about that – a crazy time indeed! thanks for these great ideas! you’re right — supporting our local communities is so so so vital if we are to heal from this! every little bit helps for sure! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  10. Yes, in God’s and our mother’s eyes, we matter. But in society’s view of things, we must be prepared for the harsh reality that if we do not ‘contribute’ something of value, we will not be seen as having value. (Not related to appearance or weight.) And actually Jesus tells us over and over that we are to SERVE others, put others needs before our own, help the poor and less fortunate. I was just thinking about this today because I think there is a growing segment of the population in first world countries that do not contribute anything, they just take and take and complain and whine if they don’t get their way. This is not good. Even those with disabilities or chronic illnesses can contribute in some way. Unless you are on your actual death bed, you can at least PRAY for others, give a kind word, offer encouragement. Those are very important contributions! Essential in fact. 😉 People who do not look outside themselves often become depressed and angry and even self-hating, but as a twisted form of pride. KWIM? Hope you get out of jail soon and stay well. ❤

    Like

    1. you’re so right about that ! we are to serve others! that is how we most truly matter! that is the exact example that Jesus showed us with His life and His ministry. Amen – joining you in those prayers! thanks for your kindness! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  12. God has something He’s putting us all through. What it all is or meanwhile exactly, I do not know. Whatever He has in store from all of this He does love us and I think He does want us to see what we can be essential for. You are so right!! It’s not about material breakthroughs. Too many people thrive on all that. A big saying today is “you got this”. It’s wrong. We don’t “got this”. GOD has got this!! And He gives us what we need in it and through it. You are NYC’s Sunshine through it’s darkness!! ♥️♥️🌹🌹🤗🤗😘😘

    Like

    1. thank you so much Migueltio! you’re right – God will use all of this for good!! He has got this! what a comforting truth. And gosh – that put a huge smile on my face – thank you! seeing your instagram messages every day bring me so joy!! 🙂 thank you! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

    1. awww thank you so much Ayesha! i appreciate that 🙂 stay well my friend! Hugs and love xox

      Like

    2. As long as there is a dark place that needs the light of Christ, that is our greatest worth because death is changed to eternity. There is no greater cause because it is the only ultimate vaccine. We may live today, but without Christ it’s only a matter of time. All true Christians have great worth in this earth. Nobody wants to live in a completely dark planet. We all do need to think about what we want our value to be. Another excellent article from BBB!

      Like

  14. Yes, you matter. You matter to God. You matter to your readers, of whom I am proud to say that I am one. To industry in the US, they shout on the roof tops that their most valuable resource are their employees, but in practice, they lay off employees to make the numbers look good in non-COVID19 years. Only Japanese managers fall on their swords (sometimes literally) when the numbers are not favorable. But in a nonCOVID situation, the furloughed employees would probably not get unemployment. I was once in an employed state, but not employed because there was no work for me to do. The employer would not release me from my contract so that I could get unemployment (it hurts their insurance rate) but the employer would not give me any busy work either. You keep sane by knowing that family loves you, friends love you, and most important, God loves you. Now that matters.

    Like

    1. amen to that! and oh gosh i am so touched by that 🙂 thank youu! and goodness, i’m sorry you went through that . amen – God loves us and we matter to Him, no matter what garbage we have to endure here on earth! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  15. God considers all of us essential. That is why Jesus came to sacrifice himself on the cross. God treasures us and wants us to be with him in relationship and in heaven.

    Like

  16. Hi Caralyn, interesting post as always. Btw the 1st video of my story of which was inspired by yours was put on WordPress at the weekend 😃

    Like

      1. Feel free to check it out, though watch out for the slip of the tongue near the end to do with my granddaughter 😂

        Like

  17. This is another deep, well-written piece. When we look at ourselves, we need to see ourselves the way God sees us. He doesn’t screw up and make mistakes. Or junk. We are His precious children. When we connect our head to our heart, this becomes part of who we are. Keep writing. Keep going…

    Like

    1. thank you so much John, i appreciate that 🙂 you’re right about that! We need to see through His eyes! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  18. It is amazing how we become defined by our job or career and when it is taken away, we become lost. Retirement is the great equalizer, when everyone becomes equal. The sooner we realize that we are so much more than our work, the better we all are. Part of my speech on retirement was….”this job is not who I am, it is just what I do”. As to being labelled non-essential, I am sure this is not an intended slight. It is just to ensure that as many people as possible can stay isolated at home and hopefully not become infected by Covid 19 and to my mind, that is a thoughtful consideration, as long as the government has programs in place to supply income until everyone can get back to work. Hopefully, we all all be in the “current” normal soon and do not have to retrench due to increased infections. Stay safe and stay well and be assured everyone is essential. Allan

    Like

    1. Your so right about that. Thanks Allan for sharing this insight! Amen – what a profound quote!! I would have loved to hear your speech! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  19. You are so right Caralyn. The world around us deems someone’s worth based on either their economic contribution or attached titular tag.
    Yes the difficulties are real in this life and especially at this time, but may we turn to Him to be our comforter and provider and find our worth only in Jesus.
    Blessings 😊💙

    Like

    1. amen to that! He is our comfort!! what a powerful reminder! thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  20. We matter and are essential when we give top priority to the only One who matters. Everything else is tied, one way or another, to this world, and so is not essential. Lovely, lovely job, my friend. Hugs and love.

    Like

  21. Beautiful post, Caralyn! When I read it the following verse came to mind as the answer to “Do I matter?”
    “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life” (Matthew 6:26-27)

    Keep on writing and keep on smiling!!

    Like

    1. Thank you so much Roy! oh gosh i absolutely love that verse from Matthew. So much comfort!!! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  22. Thanks so much Caralyn for these words! Likewise, before COVID I also would ask this question (Do I Matter?) of myself on occasion. I felt the Lord was getting my attention to stay on point as to why he allowed me to be born and not focus so much on a situation. It took awhile but I had to see he was Greater than my circumstance. As always soothing words!!👍🏾😊

    Like

    1. thanks so much Al! amen to that – He is greater than our circumstances! what a powerful truth! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  23. Carolyn this is beautiful. I had never seen my father so disheartened as when he was “laid off.” It was technically retirement two years earlier than he had expected, but to him it was a body blow which devastated him. I have been wrestling with a similar issue myself. I tried desperately to hold on to my identity as a teacher throughout the challenges of the last two decades. I was often made to feel I had nothing to offer. I did my best to operate quietly in the background, volunteering in schools and helping friends with their children but yes the experience has been deeply wounding.
    Overheard by somebody recently at an employment office, was a woman basically saying, she was basically not one of those “scroungers” /freeloaders relying on welfare. She was different. The fact is none of us are really THAT different. We should probably all be saying, “There but for the grace of God go I.”

    Like

    1. thank you so much for sharing that – you’re right – There but for the grace of God go I — that is such a wise and mature way of living. i’m taking that nugget of wisdom with me – thank you 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      Like

  24. ♡ Please don’t neglect SHE!!! Goddess, Spouse of “God” EveryOne; it’s Crystal Clear Clarity to Me that that My First Experience of Vagina was Coming (Pun Intended) Out of A Vagina aka My Mom Giving Birth and Ever Since I Have Been Skirt Chasing in Order to Get Back in to The Vagina…so, now I Have Quit Skirt Chasing; if SHE!!! wants My Ugly Bits SHE!!! will have to Come (Pun Intended) and Get Them as ALL is Fair in Love and War 🤣😅😆😁😄😃😀😂🙂

    …♡♡♡…

    Like

  27. Hi! Difficult to revisit, maybe, but there are such extraordinary and gripping aspects of what you were like, at the bottom, moments that aren’t real common in the experience I’ve had dropping by to read here, even by you, or any too many others who relate. It’s frequently brilliant.

    I like how frank you can be with your readers about how Jesus helped you when you felt low, and how you are inspired to this day. Superb composition tonight, extremely pleasant.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much Odell – i really appreciate that. I firmly believe that God allows us to go through things so that we might share them with others and offer hope and encouragement. Stay well my friend. Thanks for reading. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  29. “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10 We matter enough that God has prepared good works for us to do for each other, so that we can matter to each other.

    I recall someone once telling me I told him something that changed his life. I don’t even remember the conversation! But it mattered. I mattered to him without knowing it. We matter to people, sometimes knowing it, sometimes not.

    You matter to thousands you never hear from in ways that you’ll never know. Your support is having an impact on my life and dreams now. And we’re just talking about “first generation” mattering! What about all the people who will be affected by each of us indirectly past that first person?

    And it’s always the best when we matter, because it’s our loving response to Jesus’ sacrifice for us.

    Like

    1. Hi Jeff! oh gosh, i am seriously so touched by this – thank you 🙂 and amen to that – what a comforting truth to know that we’re His masterpiece — made in His image. And you’re right – we matter to people – and how we love others, how we show compassion, how we listen, how we care — it matters. it matters so much. i love this reflection, thank you so much!! yes! our loving response to His sacrifice. Been thinking about you, Jeff. Hope this week is a good week for you 🙂 sending hugs to you and your girls! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  30. Dear Caralyn,

    My reponse to your precious thoughts and words is a poem:

    Learning To Be Thankful

    When we have lost our normal life
    We start to long for it while mourning

    When we have lost our jobs
    We start to see what we had

    When we have lost our freedom
    Only then we start to appreciate it

    When we have lost stability of our life
    Only then we understand its meaning

    When we think we are lost
    Then we are really lost

    As we think
    So we become

    When we think that each thunderstorm will pass
    No wind can treat us as a leaf

    When all is back to normal
    We are aware – in thankfulness what we have…

    Understanding rises out of problems
    Is medicine to make us aware of our own value:
    We are all human beings
    Children of God
    Have to live in harmony together
    To bring out of us: humanity, thankfulness

    DidiArtist, 05.05.2020

    In thankfulness for your profound words, dear friend 🙂
    Didi

    Like

    1. oh wow Didi, I am so grateful for this beautiful poem. thank you for sharing it with me. you truly have a gfit. stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  31. Perhaps a drastic measure but the correct measure. Too many authorities, humans trying to contain this virus. I say, open the flood gates, stop all lock downs worldwide, and watch God open the flood gates of heaven.

    Like

    1. thank you so much Stephen, for this reflection. Interesting thought indeed!! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  32. BBB,

    Powerful post. Amen, Amen & Amen! “How am I contributing to society, what can I do?” Is the exact way I felt, the moment I received the blessing of unemployment benefits. I immediately thanked God, the state of Texas, and was filled with gratitude. Next, was “what can I do to return the blessing? What can I do for my state and community?” Last week as I drove on the highway, we stopped at a small picnic rest stop..it was small, about 4 tables, worn, neglected, in need of work, paint, refinishing…and immediately opportunity came to mind.. “why dont I repaint it, restore it, fix it up..this is a place where families within the community, within my state, can come and have a picnic..my way of paying back the state.”

    There is an abundance of opportunity, where we are able to improve our communities, our state, and our nation …and do so FOR FREE.not seeking monetary payment. Instead out of JOY, and gratitude.. This type of WORK pays in blessings that just keep on coming….

    When we begin to view the day we live- with the understanding …all we do, let us do it for God.. WORK transforms from WORK to being an honor and privilege , and is more like exercising in order to build ourselves and others.. I no longer WORK, …instead I choose to SERVE Christ daily, by striving to keep my thoughts upon Him, day in and day out…and by this process all WORK manifests itself into an extraordinary glow of radiant blessings…giving and bringing GOD THE GLORYY AMEN.

    Like

    1. Hi Ben, thank you so much for this powerful reflection. I love that – how can we return the blessing. i love that so much. amen! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  33. This is such a beautiful post Caralyn. I don’t know why but it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for posting this. Blessings to you my dear💜

    Like

    1. aw thank you so much!! i’m so glad it hit home with you 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 grateful for you!! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  34. One more thing.. this post you wrote was RAW and REAL..I absolutely loved it. This very day, in prayer I thanked God as tears of gratitude rolled down my face..for allowing SCUM OF THE EARTH..the lowliest of the low- like me.., how we definitely feel when we hit rock BOTTOM…BUT GUESS WHAT CARALYN..THAT ROCK BOTTOM ISNT SO BAD IS IT?

    And that’s BECAUSE THAT ROCK BOTTOM IS CHRIST HIMSELF.. as we fall
    , we fall on SOLID GROUND

    THE ROCK OF ETERNAL AGES!!!

    HALLELUAH!!! GLORRRY TO GOD! LET THE SAINTS PRAISE HIS NAME..

    LET THE GLORYYY FALL UPON US THIS DAY IN JESUS NAME.

    AMEN

    Like

    1. Ben – I have been there too. Rock bottom is a powerful place to build your life from with God at the wheel 🙂 amen!

      Like

  36. Hi Carolyn

    Thanks for the honest thought provoking post. I am a homeschooling father, husband, life coach and part time blogger. And yesterday was one of those days, do I really matter, do I contribute? In a world of measurable s and instant gratification and feedback, it is some times difficult to stay true to yourself. As you pointed out, I am not worthy because of what I do but because of the price that was paid for me. I am not what my job description is or title, I am he who was fearfully and wonderfully made.

    Tell one, tell all Carolyn! Do not stop, you encourage many, of all walks of life and around our global village.

    God bless

    survivingbrent

    Like

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing you story – what a gift you’re giving your children!! Amen – becuase of the price He paid for us! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  37. I really appreciate the fact that you speak on topics that aren’t really touched that often. Your words are a constant reminder that we are never as alone as we feel.

    Although I am still a student and have not been working, I find that I too have been struggling with the fact that I can offer my parents, my source of financial support, little to no help. I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist myself, so I’ve noticed that I’ve begun to compare myself to more successful students who took a traditional path. Thanks for allowing yourself to be vulnerable and sharing the love of Christ. Xx

    Like

    1. Hi Danielle! Thank you so much for your kind words fo encouragement! God’s path for you will play out just as it is supposed to 🙂 You’re right where you’re supposed to be! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

      1. Your comment seems to be an answered prayer. Thank you. Never stop writing! ♡

        Like

  38. There is not one person in the world that was not created by God. So, if we are created by God. We matter. I loved your post because so many of become entangled in these snares that cause us to think that we don’t matter. Lies! Thanks for your authenticity and courage.

    Like

    1. you’re so so right about that! Thanks for that beautiful reminder! glad this resonated with you! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  39. More than once in conversations I’ve had the opportunity to say, “Don’t buy the lie.” And here you are with the same reminder spoken differently.
    Even back in Jesus day it is the lie that what we do is who we are and if what we do is more important that who we are, Who’s we are, then we’ve bought the lie. The lie is more than, “I’m not good enough unless _________ or _____________” it is much simpler, “I’m not lovable unless” or “I’m not worthy” or “I made big mistakes” or “I have a zit on my nose” or ” ” therefore no one can see the broken me who is worthy of being loved simply because I exist.
    Buying the lie comes at a much higher cost than what we seem to pay for it, and like a stone in a pond the ripple effect goes on, and on.
    Buying into God’s love feels costly as we are set free from the lies that bind us. As the things we’ve put into place are removed leaving us vulnerable, we want to cover them back up, not realizing that is where the Truth lives and loves, it is our deepest beauty, our first Love.
    Oh that we would invest deeply in Truth.

    Teri

    Like

    1. Hi Teri! Don’t buy the lie – oh wow — that is SO POWERFUL! I feel like I need to write that on post it notes and stick them around the house, around the community, around thw world!!! thanks for blessing me with that wisdom! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  40. Yes, we are grounded in, spring from, our Source, God, who is Love (1 John 4:8). We come from Love and are an expression of that Love. So it has nothing to do with the constructs of this world. We can definitely use those constructs, like our jobs, as instruments to express the Love of God, but what’s important is our essence as children of God. Peace, Caralyn ~ Bill

    Like

    1. You’re so right about that, bill! He is our source! thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  41. I love this post. The matter of work/job/career really are intertwined with identity. How do we want to define ourselves? Who am I? Am I a mom, a wife, a business analyst, a bus driver, a waitress? Those titles; those hats, they are so important to some people. Losing those hats in the climate we are living it can be devastating and destructive for some. Recovery; overcoming a hardship or debilitating illness is a gift of sorts because it allows one to break from the bonds of the life they had and gain perspective.

    When you were less than 80 pounds, you were given the gift of understanding and perspective. Nobody on this earth could tell you how to heal; that answer; that strength was within you. Nobody could give you the ability to heal except the Good Lord. He fashioned you and put that knowledge and strength in you. Finding those tools was his gift to you. Now that you know that, you understand nobody can help the people who are struggling with their identity now. They need to come to these truths on their own. They need to sort out their own identities. All we can do as friends and family is to pray for them and support them. Hardship brings change and in that change we find light.

    Like

    1. Hi Judith! oh gosh, thank you so much for your kind words! You’re so right – those titles have no bearing on our worth in Him. And gosh, thank you for the wonderful encouragement. God rescued me and for that I am eternally grateful. Hugs and love xox

      Like

    1. aw thank you friend – i appreciate that 🙂 glad you thought so! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  44. as always, you have such a wonderful way of putting into words what many of us are thinking. I’m sorry about your acting and speaking gigs – hopefully those opportunities will become available again once we are out of this crisis. And I also think that using the word “essential worker” is an odd term because everyone plays a part. Happy Cinco de Mayo!

    Like

    1. thank you so much Him! oh gosh, thank you for those encouraging words – you’re right, everyone plays a part! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  45. Never cease to be amazed how open you are and your sage words for a young person, says this older person (not that age is correlated with wisdom at all). One of my favorite Bible verses is Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” I quote this verse because the pressures of this world are to conform to how “it” judges us by dollar worth, job status (if you have a job now), “looks,” etc. God doesn’t judge us, doesn’t want us to conform, doesn’t want anything from us other than to LOVE. That is the true will of God and, no matter how abstract and simplistic it sounds, is a real secret to life. Be safe! Ted

    Like

    1. Hi Ted, oh gosh thank you so much!! I am so touched by that 🙂 amen to that – it really is the real secret to life! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  46. Those moments of clarity drive us to our knees. We can be so overwhelmed with shame, that we stay there, or we can crawl, then stumble forward toward the light. I’m glad that you walk in the light now.

    Like

  47. This post will resonate with so many. Your beautiful writing is so raw and real. I used to get “tied up” in a “role”. And yes, we are ALL ESSENTIAL. You nailed the statistics by giving us their FACES. They are US. I claim the truth of Christ and pray for you, and for all others suffering during this time. The 50 day mark seems unreal…..oh the lessons I hope we learn. Keep going sweetheart~you’re a blessing to so many. 💚

    Like

    1. Hi KL, gosh thank you so much for your kind words. Yes! we are all essential!! They are US – amen. thanks for your encouragment!! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  49. Hi, Appreciate your Blog.
    Yes, our true worth is the price Jesus paid for us – His Life.
    Jesus thought I was worth saving.
    Blessings

    Like

    1. Hi Merryl! oh thank you so much! you’re right – He deemed us worthy! love that! stay well! Hugs and love xox

      Like

Leave a reply to kagould17 Cancel reply