Well, I was really hoping that I was going to be getting on here tonight and sharing with you that, after my mom’s covid hiccup last month that derailed our wedding dress shopping, that this morning, while she was here, we officially found The Dress.
But alas, her rescheduled trip this week was also cancelled in the midnight hours over the weekend, because unfortunately she is battling “Long Covid” and still is experiencing mild symptoms.
Thank you Lord, her symptoms are not even slightly life threatening, but they are an inconvenience for her daily life, and also make traveling out of the picture.
Am I bummed? Yes. But more than anything, I just want my mom to get better!! I would give anything to be keeping her company right now as she rides this annoyance out — and on her birthday no less! But sadly, I can only FaceTime with her and send up prayers for her and all the love in the world.
It is not lost on me that this derailment has happened, not once, but twice now when it comes to the adventure that is finding a wedding dress in New York City.
And so, of course, my ears perked up, trying to hear from God what it is that He’s clearly trying to teach me through this anxiety-inducing detour.
Patience? Sure. Detachment from material things? Of course. Trust? Most definitely.
But the thing that keeps coming back to my mind is this phrase: It’s not about me.
This wedding, though yes, technically I am the bride in this bride/groom duo – the pair who which our wedding day is focused on…But though I may be the one standing on the altar, it’s not about me.
The wedding, the ceremony, the flowers, the food, the music, the invitations, the DRESS….none of it is about me.
Yes, I am a player in the story, but truthfully, this day is about the union of Steven and I before God and with God.
My wise, beautiful mom has always, always told me that the purpose of marriage is to get your spouse to Heaven. Which I always thought was beautiful, albeit a little …heavy…
But the closer we inch towards June 2023, I’m realizing that, actually, that is exactly what it’s about. Marriage is the journey Steven and I are on towards Heaven, and it involves both of us challenging one another to strive for holiness and a full, transformative relationship with God– which we will then pass on and model for the children God will hopefully bless us with one day. That’s the truth, and is all my heart could ever yearn for. And how blessed am I to have a fiancé who wants to walk that journey with me!
I’m going to be honest, I don’t think I have an “attachment” to a beautiful dress, or am placing too much importance on the actual wedding day, instead of the marriage itself. But I don’t know, maybe God thinks I do! And perhaps all of this is just an exercise in letting go of expectations, letting go of any desire for perfection on the day, letting go of control, and instead trusting in God, and remaining focused on Him.
Or perhaps, I am just overthinking things, like I do 99% of the time in life!
What I do know is this: My number one gratitude right now is that my mom is okay, and she’s going to get better. Yes, she still has some mild, lingering symptoms, but thank you God, that she is going to be just fine.
And my other enormous gratitude, is that I have an amazing fiancé who is on the “same team.” We’re both committed to each other and to our shared faith. And we both desire to grow both of those things, together. I cannot stress enough how huge of a blessing I know that is.
All of these other things are just icing on the proverbial tiered wedding cake. Everything else will fall into place, and really, at the end of the day doesn’t even matter. Yes, it’s fun to wear a pretty wedding gown, but all of that is secondary to the commitment and covenant our wedding day is actually about.
Because again….it’s not about me.
Thank you for your prayers for my mom on her birthday! Mom, I love you so much, thanks for being my best friend!
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