What I’ve Learned After One Year of Marriage

Today marks Steven and my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!

Oh my gosh, what a joyful day. On the one hand, it feels like we’ve only been married for 4 months! But on the other hand, it feels like we’ve been married for two years!

But either way you slice it, being married to this amazing man feels just right. He is the light of my life. He is the reason why I’m always beaming. And loving him is my life’s greatest joy.

And to be honest, because of this man’s love, it feels like God is smiling on me every day.

I’ve learned so many things over these last 365 days. Little things about myself — like: though my natural tendency is to leave my suitcase unpacked for days on end after returning from a trip, following my husband’s example of unpacking right away before going to bed that night is truly so much better in the long run. To other little things like: how to most efficiently pack a dishwasher — again: I am the one in the marriage who packs it like a bomb went off in there, while he packs it with precision: he has figured out the ergonomic placement for optimal space utilization and maximum cleaning effectiveness.

But those are just silly little nuances. There are also two big things that I’ve learned over these last 365 days.

First: there is nothing more important than to include Christ in your marriage. Period. End of sentence.

There are so many ways and reasons why I trust this man: but the biggest and most crucial thing I trust him with is leading our family toward Heaven. And that is the cornerstone of our marriage.

Being on the same page in terms of faith, is not only crucial, but actually a non-negotiable. The highest goal of our marriage — and soon to be family — is to get each other to Heaven. That is the purpose of life and our marriage, and being yolked to an upstanding man who believes that to his core makes all the difference in the world. Especially when bringing a child into the world and making decisions on how to raise him or her.

And further to that, when you both are “holding hands” together with Christ, if that visual image registers, it makes all of those “trust” topics that I mentioned earlier just fall into place. Trusting him at his word, with decisions that we make for our family and future, with finances, with fidelity, with literally everything that is of importance to married couples.

There is a foundation of trust that goes beyond “human will power” or “being a good guy” and the trust becomes divine. When you are rooted together with Christ, your chord of two becomes a chord of three, with Jesus literally intertwined in your union.

The second biggest thing that I’ve learned: is the joy and life-changing power of receiving love from another person.

For such a long time, I really resisted receiving love from another person. Because of the anorexia in my past and the mental detriments it caused, I believed down to my core that I wasn’t worthy of love.

Because of the guilt and shame that I still carried from the eating disorder, I didn’t believe that the joy and uplifting power of being loved was something that I deserved.

But what’s more is that, I truly believed that if someone really knew who I was — the things I had done in my past, the hurt I had caused my loved ones, the deceitful behavior I willingly perpetuated, and destruction I caused to my body — if someone really knew those things, then they’d run the other way. I had a laundry list of ugly truths that I have in my baggage…who could honestly choose to love me?

My husband, in the most beautiful, gentle and patient way, has helped me work through those fears and limiting beliefs. Starting with when we were dating. He has completely helped me overturn those beliefs and the result is one that is purely blissful.

The positivity and light that just radiates from my innermost soul is unmatched. (Perhaps only by Steven’s positivity). But it’s something that people actually comment on. Steven and I are often told that we are the most positive couple that people know. And it’s because we see God’s worth in one another, and he in particular, has helped me embrace mine.

There’s a reason why I haven’t stopped beaming since becoming his wife. I literally wake up the happiest I’ve ever been, every single day. And it’s because I’m living in the joy that comes from being loved.

And that is such a beautiful thing to have learned.

There are so many other things that I could say on here, but I’ll just leave you with three on liners to close with.

Pray for and with your spouse every day.

Find little ways to bring the other person joy or make their life easier — without keeping score.

Embrace their goals as your own and vice versa. When working towards the same finish line, it becomes easier and more achievable when you have someone by your side.

Bonus: Never speak ill of your spouse to anyone, ever. Period. You are their biggest cheerleader and defender. And things spoken in confidence should always stay that way. It’s a small sign of respect.

So there you have it, friends.

I can’t believe a year has come and gone. Marriage is truly an amazing thing. And if you’re single, never give up: God is preparing your heart, and the heart of your future spouse right this very moment. His timing is perfect, just trust in His good and perfect plan for you!