Hello Motherhood! She’s Here!

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Hello my dearest friends 🙂

I’ve been absent for a little while, but for good reason, I promise.

We had our daughter last Monday!!!

Penelope Grace.

She is the sweetest, most precious little lady I have ever laid eyes on. And as I’m typing this on my phone, sweet Penny is napping on my chest with her small little arms up by her face.

The house is quiet, and I’m blessed to be listening to little coos and her breathing as she sleeps off a big meal of breast milk!

There is so much that I want to tell you.

I’ll start with my labor story.

The whole process was a complete exercise in faith and surrender.

I ended up having a C section after 34 hours of labor…32 of which were unmedicated.

As you may recall, I really wanted to have an unmedicated birth. I wanted to unite the physical suffering of childbirth with Jesus’ suffering on the Cross, and offer it up as a spiritual act of worship.

And after this labor process, I certain can say that I did.

But going into the labor process, the mantra I had in my heart was “I surrender” and Jesus I Trust in You, which is the saying that goes with the image of Jesus the Divine Mercy, which I brought with me as my focal point in the labor suite.

Originally, I had thought that saying would be to mean, I surrender to the pain, as it is allowing me to share in a small sliver of Christ’s…but what it actually turned out to mean, was I surrender to God’s plan, which is different than mine.

I surrender to the experience and expertise of the doctors that God had on call that night.

I surrender to relinquishing control over how I wanted labor to go, and instead placing it in the hands of God.

I surrender to the fear of allowing certain medical interventions that I was uncomfortable with and against.

I surrender it all, and instead have complete trust in Jesus.

My baby was “sunny side up” – meaning she was facing the wrong direction for a vaginal birth. I found that out when I first went to the hospital on Sunday night. It was the same night as Trump’s assassination attempt. I was having contractions at home, watching the news about it before we went into the hospital.

But all of the laboring was to get to her to turn into the correct position.

Steven was my absolute rock during this whole process. My body would be shaking and he’d wrap his arms around me and my body could finally relax.

My parents were also in the labor room with us for some time, and Steven would offer counter pressure on my small back and my mom would gently stroke my arms during each contraction, which were coming about every 90 seconds.

I was just staying in my “cone of peace” trying to keep my mind centered on surrendering it all to Jesus.

After about 31 hours, my water still hadn’t broken and the dilation was only halfway there – and she hadn’t turned, or descended down into the birthing position in the pelvis.

And only being able to have ice chips…no liquids or food…during those 30+ hours, I was severely depleted, but determined to stay with it.

Steven and I were faced with our first difficult decision: they needed to either manually break my water or give me Pitocin to help the baby descend into the pelvis – both of which, we had determined on our birth plan that we did not want to do.

I surrender….

I had to trust in God’s plan, and so we had them manually break my water…which intensifies the pain of contractions, and would hopefully complete the dilation.

It didn’t.

It only intensified the pain to a level that was truly excruciating. I stuck with it for another hour, but when the severity became unbearable, I asked for an epidural, during which they also informed me that i had come to a crossroads of either pitocin to get the baby down or a C section.

So I opted for Pitocin and prayed it worked. And after three more hours, they determined that all options had been exhausted and I needed to undergo a C section.

Steven was up by my head and he played “Oceans” on his portable speaker and we prayed our way through the surgery.

It was the most beautiful thing. When we first heard her start crying, I – obviously – couldn’t get up, but Steven shot right up and looked over the curtain. And seeing him see her for the first time was so incredibly special — *almost * as beautiful as seeing her the first time myself.

But seeing the joy and elation in his eyes was something I will never forget.

I knew she would be scared and since I couldn’t hug her right away, I told Steven to talk to her because I knew she would recognize our voices, and so he walked with her to all the different “clean up” stations around the operating room, narrating to her and me what was happening and comforting her with his voice, telling her not to be scared.

It turned out that little Penny had also been working so hard to get herself into the correct birthing position, so much so that when she was born, her head was a bit pointed from her efforts to turn and descend into the pelvis.

When they finally placed her on my neck (it was the only thing exposed on my side of the curtain) it was the most euphoric feeling. I was crying and so happy. I was absolutely exhausted and utterly depleted, but everything else went quiet and everything was just in her eyes looking up at me, and it has been ever since.

She is our little miracle. She is the most precious little girl and I cannot wait to love her for the rest of my life.

My recovery has been pretty tough. After not eating or drinking for 34 hours, it was additionally taxing that the following day, I couldn’t even keep water down, nor get out of bed because I was still hooked up to a cathader and my legs were still paralyzed.

Steven was such an amazing partner — and still is. He did every diaper change, served me and our daughter and did it all with a smile.

I’ve been home now for several days, and he has been changing my diapers, our daughters diapers, cooking for us, cleaning, doing laundry, soothing our daughter, playing with her, etc – because I am confined to bed/our nursery recliner, as standing for more than about 5 minutes results in searing pain on my incision. It has been incredibly humbling, but also so beautiful to see Steven’s character on display. I am truly so blessed to have this man as a husband.

But all that to say … I would go through all this again and again without even a millisecond of hesitation if it means we get our little girl.

Our daughter is the greatest blessing of Steven and my lives. She is half of me and half of the love of my life. And she has already captured my heart to an extent I couldn’t believe was possible.

Now onto the good things:

I am able to breastfeed!! Which I am SO grateful for. Wow. And boy, is it ever a beautiful experience. It is so bonding and calming for both of us. It is such an incredible thing to know that my body is able to sustain her. God is so good.

I have just been so grateful that God blessed me with the ability to have Penny even after all the destruction I did to my body through the anorexia.

I never dreamed this would be possible.

But God.

I am so grateful for this moment. For this opportunity, for this little girl 🙂

Thank you all for praying for me through this entire journey. The encouragement and sharing your experiences and instilling confidence in me was truly such a blessing. And it is just such a joy to share this news with you, my friends.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

129 thoughts on “Hello Motherhood! She’s Here!”

  3. Congratulations on your beautiful new daughter! I had all three of my children by c-section after my first son was too big to come out the normal way. I totally understand what you went through. Isn’t it amazing how God takes all of that pain away and you remember it no more when you look at your child? Thank you Jesus for this new life. May Penny always belong to you. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

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  4. Congratulations!! And yes, parenthood is a beautiful surrender of things you cannot control. I also had a c-section my first birth and it was not what I had wanted but it was only the first of many things in this journey that I couldn’t control. I did go on to have 2 VBACS, but they too were not medication free as things didn’t ever go according to MY plan but they arrived safely! Great job mama and God bless!

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  5. Dear Caralyn and Steven,
    Along with everyone else, I am thrilled at the birth of your beautiful Penny!
    It reminds me of when my daughter was born and no one had prepared me for what a child’s head looks like coming out of the canal! When I saw her pointed head (very pointed) my first thought was, “O, Father God, help her mother and I to show her how much we love her even if she is unable to understand from this deformity.”😨
    We were SOO relieved when the nurse noted that the form of the head would become normal after a little time.🤠
    Both of you and now, Penny, will remain in my daily prayers.
    Adventures ahead, count on it! Continue to live the adventures with Lord Jesus by your side every day.
    ❤️&🙏, c.a.

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  7. Hello! I have not commented lately on your posts but I knew I simply had to comment on this one. I am so happy for you! Welcome to your baby girl. She is a doll! What I love most about your post is your ability to surrender. To truly surrender is such a blessing. Congratulations to you, your husband and your beautiful baby!!!

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  9. I am so happy for you. Everything Steven is doing for you now will probably stay with you forever. These are the most important weeks of your life. They will never come again. I never loved my ex more than when I had returned home to him hanging washing on the line. Those are life’s most precious times. The three of you need that special time to learn to be a family. I stared at our little, miracle and was so very happy.
    It is a sad fact that most men seem to underestimate how, such their partners need them just to be there. Getting things wrong together is all part of the fun. I never got past my ex not choosing us then and in all honesty nor do most women. We just need our partners there by our side as we grow into becoming a family.

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  13. Congratulations on your precious daughter. God is so good! Your life will be forever changed… all good. I still remember both of my 2 daughters births… and they both have children. I tookno drugs & it was the best pregnancy & deliveries! I am in my 70’s & I loved those days…enjoy…blessings to you and your family. Great adventures. Read some of my old blogs training kids,lol. Fun.

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  15. Congratulations Caralyn!! Penny is so beautiful and precious. ❤️ I’m so happy for you. Thank you for sharing your birth story with us. You did an incredible job bringing your daughter into the world. My birth also did not go as planned, but I truly believe it was the birth God knew I needed to help me tap into His strength and become the mama she needed. And this is true for you too! I’m glad nursing is working well for you. I pray it continues to go well. It’s such a precious time. Hold her close, as they grow so fast!! So glad you have Steven too. He sounds like a wonderful husband and father already.

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  18. Congratulations! Welcome beautiful and fearfully made Penny, may the Lord bless and keep you, may the Lord let His face shine upon you and give you peace, in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, amen.
    Thank you for sharing your experience and blessing to you and Steven on this new adventure.
    She is very cute and adorable, bless her and she is already a fighter like her parents.
    xoxo

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  25. Congratulations! What a sweetie! I’m so happy that everyone is well. Pregnancy and labor are unpredictable. No matter how much we want to plan for it. Get rest and do your best!

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  26. This is such a beautiful story. I love that you expressed it so freely and openly. Even fearlessly. I won’t go as far as to call you a saint but what you experienced was saint-like. I am reminded of saints who have endured great suffering to bring forth greater life and light for us all through their lives of faith and trust in the Lord resulting in a greater expression of love that we can learn from, experience and strive to emulate.

    You have brought forth through your suffering a beautiful light and life into the world and did so with great faith and trust in the Lord. Thus the result was love. A love that transcends the experience, filling all of your hearts as well as ours with this love, Most of all, I know she will be truly loved, which is so beautiful. Not merely a worldly love but the love of God being expressed by two people who have open hearts to receive His love and give it to this beautiful child as well as others.

    I’m so happy for all of you. God bless you.

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  27. She’s a beauty and will be a REAL beauty later in her life. I know because I have never found new-born babies that showed beauty (except my own who later became stunning) in/of themselves.
    Continue the love.

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