In today’s culture, we’re all about it.

We can control when we watch TV with DVR, we control how we come across on social media, we try to control our college or job trajectory by taking just the right classes or getting a particular degree. We try to control our diet and exercise — sometimes detrimentally so (guilty!) –we control our makeup; we can even try to control other people and their behaviors, whether a loved one, spouse, boyfriend, child or friend.

Control is everywhere.
And it’s contradictory. Because, the more we try to control the situation, the more bogged down – tied up – restricted – we become.

And for me personally, I find that my “controlling mechanism” flares up whenever there’s fear or anxiety involved.

This was especially evident during my weight restoration period at inpatient. And I don’t think I’m alone in this.


In recovery, everyone gets to that moment where, they’re weight restoring, everything is going along well, and then BAM you throw on the breaks because you get scared. You realize that, Oh shit, my body is changing. I’m gaining weight. I don’t want to do this any more.

Those are very real and very gripping fears during recovery. I had them. There was a period where I was just paralyzed in fear.

I journaled about it a lot at inpatient, just pouring my fears out to God.


“Dear Lord, I come before you tonight and Lord, I just want to crawl in your lap because I feel like a vulnerable little child. Lord, please comfort me. I am so scared to gain this weight. And I feel like such a disappointment and that I let everyone down because I’m scared. I feel like a failure. Lord, I want to be healed of this so badly, I am just so insecure with myself and I feel like I have to be perfect. Please give me strength and perseverance. Please comfort me.


There was a story in the bible that we heard on Sunday about Jesus’ first miracle: Turning water into wine at the wedding feast at Cana.

Quick recap: Wedding party runs out of wine. Jesus’ mother, Mary, learns of this problem and tells Jesus, “They have no wine.” She then tells the servers, “Do whatever He tells you.” Jesus proceeds to turn six stone water jugs – about 180 gallons – into exceptional-quality wine.

AKA: He saves a major party-foul.

But the thing about this story that really hit me was Mary.

“They have no wine.”

There was a very real, very time sensitive issue at hand: the wedding reception ran out of wine.

I mean, isn’t that the biggest party foul ever? No more wine?! NOOOOO!

But instead of telling Jesus a laundry list of how to solve the problem, Mary simply tells Jesus the problem. “They have no wine.”


She stated the problem and then left it up to Him.


And look what Jesus did: He not only solved the problem, but solved it abundantly. Beyond anyone’s dreams. They were overflowing with outstanding wine.

Looking back at my prayer at inpatient, I realized that I wasn’t being like Mary. I was trying to solve the problem myself: grant me this, send me that virture. Heal me this way. 

I needed to just surrender the problem, the situation — the control — to Him.

Here’s the last thing. Mary said one more thing: “Do whatever He tells you.”

That’s the part that can be the hardest: Doing what He tells you.

Whether that’s following your recovery meal plan. Breathing through the urges to not partake in ED bahaviors. Doing the next right thing, in whatever vein this looks like for you: Saying yes to an invitation from a friend, putting your computer away after 10pm, not buying the ump-teenth pair of designer shoes, changing the topic when gossip is starting. Whatever it is. Do whatever He tells you.


Control is such a hard thing to surrender. Especially when life throws us curve balls. Like the loss of a job or a loved one. A rocky relationship. A rejection letter from college. Being bullied.

“They have no wine.”

Just tell Him the problem, fear, anxiety, situation.

Tell Him, and then give Him the space and the time to work. Because when He does, the solution will be beyond your wildest dreams.


278 responses to “Control”

    • Aw thank you so much! It’s definitely an area that we all deal with in one form or another. Thanks for stopping by and for this note of encouragement. It means a lot ☺️ have a great night!

  1. I would define anxiety as the need for control and then we develop all kinds of sick coping mechanisms to soothe the anxiety. As a survivor, I tend to hold on with all of my might but I’m finding that trust and letting go is the real solution.

  2. This is a wonderful post, sometimes we forget to just tell him the problem and follow what HE tells us to do. That is SO hard for me, so hard for a lot of us I’m sure. In a society where we can change most anything, it’s hard to accept the things that we can not. Even when we think we are surrendering our issues to him, we still want to control how he handles them. That’s where the serenity prayer comes into play. Thanks for the reminder!

    • Oh thank you so much Sandi. Your words are so spot on! Amen sister!! And you’re right–I love the serenity prayer! I hadn’t connected the two dots until you said that but it’s 100% right on the money. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Woo!! Thanks for that awesome insight! Glad you stopped by ❤️

  3. Great post ! I know sometimes well a lot of times I like to be in control of my situations but he constantly teaches me how to follow him and wait . 😀

    • Thank you so much anhaynes! You’re so right – His timing is perfect. It’s waiting for it that’s the hard part! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read:) hugs to you, friend! Xx

  4. Oh! My! Heart! I have no idea what to say about this but praise God! our sermon was about Dreams, and that we can kinda of want things our way and believe a different way is better if you get what I mean, basically almost the same of thing just spoken differently, that we just need to give that control to Jesus, to God, and in extension it is the second confirmation about the things on my heart! I can’t explain the sermon greatly, but I believe it to be the same kind of subject as the one you heard, Im so excited by this if you hadn’t guessed by me waffling on haha,

    God bless you and I thank God for you, for you sharing your amazing story and your love of our Lord and Saviour <3


    • Haha oh I love the “waffling” ☺️ (which btw is a term I’ve never heard before!!) but seriously thank you! Your encouragement and positivity is so appreciated and absolutely warms my heart. So thank you. God is good and I owe everything to Him. It’s all I can do but share His goodness❤️ hugs to you friend. So thankful for YOU!

      • I just amazed by His goodness, my mind just can not comprehend it! but its such an amazing feeling! he has brought me some much, I know he has been there from the beginning but I only let into my heart less than a year ago, its like he is the one making up for lost time, like it was he who left me if you get my mean. the thing im most thankful for other than him saving me is the people in my life because of him <3. (again i am waffling on haha, its kind of when you start talking about random things very quickly without giving your self chance to think because you are so excited by something and you need to get it out before you lose it, if you get what i mean)

        I have nothing but love for you, you will always be in my heart, i know we dont know each other personally i feel God brought you and your story into my life for a purpose, I just love you so much and thankfully for such kind caring beautiful human being <3

      • Managed to calm myself down since it is past 1am, I will have to link you to the sermon if or when it gets put online, maybe you will see where I was talking about through my waffling hehe, feel like I know you for your years I do wish we get to meet in the future 💜

  5. On August 18, 2009 I told Jesus I had no life.
    And He gave it to me.
    To the readers of this blog: Listen to the lady. “Do whatever He tells you.”

    • Hey Tony, my good friend! Thank you for such positive words. It means more than you know. God is good. Praise Him for where you are today! Hugs to you, friend. Glad you stopped by.

  6. Great post! I enjoyed your topic and how you connected it to the story of the wedding at Cana. You have a great writing style and I enjoy your presentation of our Lord! Peace to you.

  7. Love the post — so much truth there. I’m sure there are many that can relate. 🙂 Be blessed in the arms of Christ my sister, in peace.

    In His grip,
    His daughter – Jodee

  8. Awesome post! I can definitely relate, in more ways than one. I suffered from anxiety for such a long time and I also dealt with a mild eating disorder for a few years. I have never looked at that Bible story from that perspective, though! Great read. 🙂

    • Thank you so much Melissa! I’m glad you enjoyed it:) yes, that story is so familiar, we can sometimes tune out — at least I do! 😬 but yeah sometimes it’s fun to look through the supporting characters’ eyes. Thanks for stopping by and for your thoughtful response! Hugsb

  9. Sometimes it’s easier to give Him control. When life spins out of control and I just can’t do it anymore, my only comfort is giving things to God. I like that very much. He knows what I need, sometimes that’s just so hard to acknowledge, that someone knows EXACTLY what you need in each moment. Other times, it’s beautiful.
    Thank you for this post <3

    • Hello Ellie my dear friend! ☺️ you’re so right. There is SO much comfort in just handing everything over and saying, “here!” You speak the truth, my dear! Thanks for sharing this. Have a wonderful night, Ellie! ❤️❤️❤️

  10. You are a beautiful light that illuminated my heart with this message.
    Thank you.
    You are strong, and transparent. You are growing, and others are growing and healing with you.
    You’re an inspiration.
    Keep shining bright!

  11. I have no idea when I stumbled across your blog and added it to my list, must have been recently because I didn’t remember reading it before, but I am completely taken aback. First, because I like to be in control. I want to control how I feel, how my family feels, how my kids act, it drives me insane. And second, I recently lost about 85 pounds, and I’m kind of stuck needing to turn the corner and lost the rest, that last bit, and as the holidays approached I started to gain one pound here, one pound there, and for a moment I almost fell into old habits of “tomorrow I will do better, tomorrow I will start over.” You completely spoke to my heart tonight, and I thank you for reminding me that Jesus can bring me some wine. All I have to do is say “there’s no wine in this old refrigerator!” He deserves the Glory in my 85 pounds, and he will help me shed the rest!

    • Thank you so much, Tiffany. Wow, what an accomplishment! Way to go! Yes, control is something that we all can relate to in different ways. But you’re right- giving Jesus the reins and telling Him “there’s no wine” and then letting Him do the work is always more fruitful than we could ever dream of. Thanks for stopping by! I’m so glad you did☺️☺️☺️ hugs!

  12. Beautiful post as always 🙂 I love how you mention the story of Jesus turning water into wine because their is almost something symbolic when taking into account your experiences with anorexia. While your eating disorder was not solved overnight, you turning to Jesus in your time of need and today, you are recovered and along with it, you found love in our savior 🙂 Speaking of your time in impatient, one of my friends said something interesting the other day when taking into account that hospitals can be a sometimes scary place. Want to know what she said? She said that every hospital room should have a teddy bear on each bed to comfort a patient 🙂 I just thought it would be neat to mention 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

    • Thanks John! Gosh, you always have such kind and wonderful things to say that just warm my heart. Thank you. And I think that would be an amazing thing: to have a teddy bear on each pillow. What a comforting and loving gesture that would be. Thanks for stopping by my friend!

  13. Great post! I’ve also been thinking about this reading and applying it to my own life and my recovery. One of the things that stands out for me is that the direction that comes after “whatever he tells you” might not make a whole lot of sense. I mean, what must those servants have thought carting all those buckets of water to fill up those huge stone jars? I’m sure they weren’t thinking, “Clearly this is going to become wine!” They were probably thinking, “This is getting us nowhere.” When I do manage to let go and abandon myself to the divine will, it might not make a whole lot of sense…at least to me. I certainly never would have chosen the course that my life or my recovery took up to this point, but it is all turning out far better than I could have hoped for. I can’t see the whole picture, so I just have to trust!

    Thank you so much for such a touching, honest, and true reflection. Reading your words today is encouraging me to keep trying!

    • Hi Lulu! Oh thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoyed my post. You’re so right! I didn’t touch on that because I wanted to keep it short-ish, but I know! Can you imagine the thoughts those servants must have had? I’m sure there was probably muttering under their breath or begrudged sighs. But it just goes to show that even when we can’t understand, Jesus is always working. Trust is the key. Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to craft such a beautiful and thoughtful response! Hugs and love to you!! ❤️❤️❤️

  14. I was just reading this story last night, asking God to reveal something new that I hadn’t considered before…funny how He answers prayers sometimes. Thanks for being a messenger. 😄

    • Oh my gosh! Yes! That’s so awesome. Thanks for sharing that. It made me smile. God works in mysterious ways… Sometimes even through a silly old blog! Haha glad you stopped by☺️☺️☺️

  15. This is beautiful! I need to listen to your advice and follow Him. That’s what I’ve always been told, but anxiety always gets in the way. You inspire me to change that. 🙂
    Ps. I’m a new reader of your posts and I was wondering if you had any posts that speak more about your struggles when you were starting to gain weight. I like learning about eating disorders & recovery. I find it so inspiring. 😊

  16. Hi! Another wonderful insight. You’ve always said things sincerely and with depth. From what you’ve written I think you are drawing from a very deep well with God-supplied water. God bless!

  17. Hello friend , tonight it took some time to read your post on the issues of having no wine and of course the major topic at hand the issue of control. I want to say to you that as a journalist I am fascinated by writing. You write beautifully. You also see a very real sense of reality with personal struggles that you are more than willing to share with others. I don’t see that as a person being weak I see that is a person taking taking the initiative to shed the love of Christ for all the world to see. I don’t know you but I respect you. After reading your post I will be in prayer for you. You and I have something in common I love the Lord with my whole heart mind body and soul. I will not be one of those people that says they’re going to keep you in prayer and not be a man or woman of their word if I say I’m going to pray for you you best believe it I will pray for you. I’ll present the prayer before the throne of grace or Paul says that we can come boldly before the throne of grace. Are you washed in the blood on the lamb? The reason I ask you this question is because I know the blood set liberty to those bound by illness and disease, Jesus came to heal the blind the day might see he came to set the captives free. There are some that say the Bible is was written 1500 years ago and does not apply to the world of today, the Word of God however has different thoughts on this matter in this scripture and states he changes not. Romans chapter 3 verse 3 also states let every man be a liar but the very word of God be true Paul said that God’s grace was sufficient for him and I tell you friend and I tell you friend in all faith that if it’s sufficient for him then it’s sufficient for you now. I pray that many blessings come upon you both from a physical standpoint, spiritual standpoint and also a financial standpoint. Hold fast to the Word of God walk to see the promises let not your face waiver for anything but contend for the faith that was once delivered to the Saints. I love you jesus loves you and you are special to God. I look forward too many more posts.

    • Wow thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection! First of all, thank you for the encouragement and kind words. It really means a lot. I am humbled by your wonderful words. Secondly, yes. Jesus is my savior. He saved me in more ways than one and I owe absolutely energy bing, including my life, to Him. Lastly, thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to read and respond. And suuuuper lastly☺️, thank you for the prayers. I will also keep you in mine. Truly. Have a wonderful night, friend! Xoxo

      • Hmmm. I guess just keep posting about things that are passionate to you. I’ve never been blogging “for the numbers” but just to share what was on my heart. Honesty is always attractive. Hope that helps! I honestly don’t know!

      • Gotcha. I hope it didn’t come across that I didn’t think you did or that I thought you were! Oh gosh I hope not. That’s not what I meant at all. I just was saying that, I don’t know how people found my blog. I know tags are a contributor, but honestly that’s all I can think of? ❤️❤️❤️

      • Ha-ha No worries about that. In addition, you’re right social media marketing does help bring the numbers. However I don’t have social media sites anymore. I gave them up because there is too much propaganda. Gossip is not the good godly way.

      • You’re so welcome! I look forward to reading your words:) and just a little housekeeping: my name is not Jordan 😬😬😬❤️ one day I’ll divulge my identity, but until I work up the courage to do that…☺️❤️❤️😘😘😘

      • Oh that’s wonderful I thought you knew I was in reality. Don’t get me wrong I’m not a creepy guy or anything. You just made me a bit nervous with knowing my name and all but I forgot that I already posted in my name over there in the blog. So of course you know my name. Half the world knows my name and they refused to view my content because it somehow doesn’t fit in with their moral standards. But like I said your tag name which is beautiful for bones does it quite interesting name indeed therefore I would like to no the testimony behind such a name. I’ll make you a deal, testimony for testimony. Do we have a deal?

      • Thanks. Yeah no not in a creepy way. Just from your blog. Sure. You’ve got a deal, although my testimony is already all over my blog posts 😋😋😋hehe

      • Wow, I just took the time to read your first post. It’s incredible and I can’t wait to read more. In fact this is my promise to you I will read a post of yours every week once a week. I’m interested to know the whole you. We all struggle understand this, we all have our struggles because we live in a world of sin. The devil has come to kill steal and destroy. It’s the devil that tries to text you everyday. It’s the devil that tries to destroy you everyday. You have to proclaim the blood name of Jesus and rise up against the old serpent which is the devil himself. If the word like you eat the food on your plate. Nourish your bones and with the Bible you can nourish your spirit. You are fearfully and wonderfully made in His image don’t let the devil deceive you in anything. Don’t give him an inch. If you give him any and he will be your ruler. Use the blood upon him and bury him and send his demons back to where they came from. Proclaim the gospel truth of Luke chapter 10 verse 19. Jesus gives all power and authority over all powers of the enemy snakes and scorpions and nothing by any means no harm us. Proclaim the joy of the Lord is your strength and believe it see it everyday. We all have a choice each day our lives would leave a man woman or child are filled with choices you can choose to be happy. You must know the head as a child of God we are to be happy people and to be on the side of victory. We have nothing to worry about and nothing to fear except God himself which is to say godly reverence which means respect for the most highest God. Everyday I want you to declare war against your enemy and I want you to proclaim the each and every day will take victory over the minions the enemy sense after us. I will constantly keep you in my prayers. You are special to me, you are special to God and I think your post is correct. There is beauty beyond bones in you. Because of this fact I will take it upon myself to encourage you daily if you need it. Whenever you need it I will be there. Whenever you need it God will be there also. Easy as you call it is a tactic of the enemy to destroy the body of Christ, it’s a tactic of the enemy to destroy God’s most holiest temple which is our bodies. Don’t give him any places that says in Ephesians chapter 4 verse 27 give the devil no place. Proclaim victory in the name of Jesus every day and start using the blood that stain the old rugged cross. Proclaim it’s worthy to destroyed all manifestations of evil and bring only goodness to your life. I felt the Lord move on me to deliver this message to you. Because he has told me to deliver this message to you with such authority and power. He wants you to know that he loves you and so do I.

      • Oh my gosh Anthony. Wow, thank you so much for this. I am so incredibly moved right now. you’ve got me choked up. Thank you. You speak so much truth. You’re right, every day we must proclaim His victory over ED and the enemy. And claim new life in Christ. That has been the key to my recovery. Thank you so much for the prayers and the beautiful encouragement. Know that you will also be in my prayers. Hugs and love to you tonight. ❤️🙌☺️

      • I don’t have ED but I had a tough upbringing and Christ save me from my sins. He had to go pretty far down deep to pull me out of some pretty bad sin. Psalms 40 States that he put a new song in my mouth he pulled me out of Amir clay and set my feet upon a rock and establish my goings. Soon I will share my testimony with you in fact if you want I can send you a copy of my book the email if you wish.

      • Oh thank you so much. Just call me Triple B 🙂 hehe I’ve been praying about it and one day I will have the courage to share my name, but for now… ❤️❤️❤️

      • This blog goes into a lot of dark details from my past. Sharing my name not only affects me, but also my family and their professional lives. Just not quite ready to take that step yet. And quite honestly I have not shared this part of my past with anyone in my present, so…🙈

      • Dear Heavenly Father, I want to take this time to bring a very sweet soul to your attention. Like many of us she has fears, like many of us she may have insecurities. Letter not be ashamed of that, rather let her weakness be your source of strength. I asked you to look up on her life and grant her spirit of gladness and joy daily. Her blog has touched many people , may her words help and assist those looking for Christ. May her words be a statement of truth. May you father receive all the honor praise and glory for saving her precious soul. I know it can be done in the blood name of your son Jesus. I know it will be done. I praying in the spirit of the Lord always walks with her to grant her strength wisdom and of course a spirit of love and kindness toward all men even her enemies. It’s true that everyone of us has a story about you because our testimonies our focus is all on you lord. I pray for this woman to receive a recreation both in body mind and spirit. May she received a recreation in appetite. I pray the Devils off her back. Let her witness the strength that lies in your wonderful precious blood. Let her know that songs sung in church are necessarily just for Sunday mornings they are for every day. Give her a spirit of obedience so that she may rely on you. I ask you to walk with her daily hand in hand strengthen her and place your order within her very heart. Let her take a new experience in appreciating your word. Made strengthener and times of trials and tribulations. Your word should not return void as the Word of God says that we are more than conquerors through Christ. With the power of Christ God the Father and the Holy Spirit I ask that you give her the strength and wisdom to conquer this debilitating devilish disease. Sure there is power in the blood to set the captive free they heal the sick, for the wonderful pictures of Christ Grand River spirit of compassion for all people regardless of race religion or creed. I ask you all this in your precious blood name, lord I thank you that you’ve heard me as I know that you always heard me.

      • Yep I was convinced, at 15 years old that I was going to make it in the sports entertainment world. So what I did when I was of age to go to college I studied radio broadcasting and journalism and even though I received acclaim and applause from fans of the sport of professional wrestling there was also a time that I lost everything that I had put into the business. It’s at that moment that God Himself had to come down and save me even in the most degraded hour in my life. One day soon I’ll post my autobiography on here for you to read and understand what I’m talking about exactly. At the end of the day God it isn’t just good, God isn’t just great, he is beautiful he is a lily of the valley in the Rose of Sharon he is everlasting. He’s the great counselor the wonderful physician and the King of Kings. May God be with you always no matter where you are.

      • You’re too kind I’m just a man. I don’t have special powers or wear a special cape. I just think it’s important to pray because I have learned in my experience that no matter who the person is every soul is very precious to God and you’re no different. You have to know that you are deeply loved by God.

      • I think today is the day that I post chapter one of my book. It’s so strange that I’ve decided to do that because in the beginning I was very nervous due to critical feedback. However I think that if one person can become inspired by my writing and or experiences and they can turn their life around in a positive manner well then it’s my duty to promote since well being. Although I do feel a bit strange sharing my life with a lot of people that I don’t know.

      • Hi Triple B. That’s sounds like alias for a wrestler. I just wanted to let you that I will be posting chapter one of my book. While you wait you could check out my other posts. Btw’s I just wanted to let you know that even with celebrity status I understand the need for privacy. Be confident, be courageous be Christ like. Have a blessed day.

      • I would give you a little bit of background on the post but I want you to become surprised. However I did write the speech for my twin brother’s wedding. My brother means everything to me, he says he’s my hero but half the reason I survived have to struggle as I did was because my twin brother was there. If God had angels are around me when I was a child my brother would certainly be one of the angels that God sent.

      • You have been put on my heart to constantly be in prayer for you because I like you are dealing with. You a person of great worth, you the person of great intelligence, you a person of great inner and outer beauty I’ve been made expressly in the image of God. I want you to know that God does not make junk, if God can make something as beautiful as the roses in the ground and then be on the air then how much more valuable is your life compared to theirs. We have dominion over them, we are to love God’s divine nature. We are too have a heart and be compassionate towards others. It is with the same compassion I come to you tonight with. Your words in your blog posts our representation I’m the kind of beauty that God wishes for you to have everyday. I have been asked to constantly be in prayer for you and only speak to you with words that edify you. So as Jesus loved the church as do I have that same love for you. In this world we are taught through Christ that we will have trials and tribulations but Christ is our example and he overcame the most treacherous of times moments before he endured the cross. In the Garden of Gethsemane a sweat blood for many that would call upon his name to be saved. However one must understand that Salvation is strictly a gift from God and not on work leñss than men boast. Everyday I wish for you to have I desire to chase the word of God. Everyday I carefully request that you allow Jesus to take your burdens daily so that you could live a life of joy and contentment that can only be found in him. Live life with joy unspeakable and be glad because with God nothing is possible, if we are with God we are happy and therefore we have nothing to worry about or nothing to fear. It is my prayer for the request then I pray earnestly to remove any sickness or disease from you. It is my request to God that you know these words for if God is with us then who can be against us. Remember to love the father be thankful to him everyday for breath that is in your lungs. Be thankful to him everyday for the food you eat. Be thankful to your father every day for the small blessings you receive, be thankful everyday to the Father for the impact you make on the people that you come into contact with show them the love of Christ show them the light that shines through you because of him. Pray without ceasing and you can believe without seeing believe it or not believe faithfully in him and he’s ever abiding joy love and peace study the fruit of the Spirit. Study the beautifulness of why the Savior came study of the reason there is power in the blood because I know did with the blood of victories come. By the blood anybody can be without sin by the blood anybody can be redeemed by the blood anybody can be set free and by the blood if their heart is honest anybody can be his child as long as they’re obedient to his call. Remember these words many are called but few are chosen. If you are called by him you can choose to make a difference and stand up for Christ and you can do so with a smile on your face. Ask yourself these questions at the end of each day. Allow yourself to think and ponder if you have pleased the Lord with the way you speak the way you think but the way you see and the way you hear things. to anoint your members for righteousness sake and to bring glory to his kingdom so that you may have victory in him.

      • Wow, thank you so much for such a beautiful and powerful response. You have a real gift for empowering people for God. I mean it. Wow. God is so good, and is clearly using you for remind others of His love for us. So thank you. Have a great day xx

  18. Hiya. I am not religious at all but I clearly get the whole control thing. It is so hard to let go of. I’ve recently had a bit of a dip in my own ED but I am sort of back on track now. There are certain things we can’t control -what’s that saying? ’embrace the fear’ .

    • Hi Daisy! Thanks for reading! I hear ya – control is definitely hard to let go of. It is still something I have to work on daily. Glad you’re getting back on track. You got this 🙂 I believe in you❤️ have a great night, friend. Hugs! Xoxo

  19. Thank you again. Like I’ve said before, though we had/have completely different situations, I can totally relate. The excerpt from you diary hit me…close to the same prayers I’ve done and sometimes still do.
    Thanks for the reminder to allow Him full control.

    Goodnight 🙂

    • Thank you so much Marisol. You’re right- control, and surrendering that control, is something we all deal with in one form or another. But God is good and only want good – and an abundance of goodness – for us. How comforting to think about. Thanks for stopping by and for your continued readership. Hugs to you, friend 😍☺️❤️

  20. Great post- Excellant testimony! I resonate with everything you said, because I’ve been there. If we allow it, fear and anxiety will cripple us spiritually and physically. It took me crying out to the Lord for help, and shear determination to pull myself up by my bootstraps and say, I’m not dieing this way, Not in this place. It is easy to say God will make a way; To live it is a whole different story. God bless

    • Thank you so much for this beautiful insight. You are so right. Living in God’s will is so hard: it takes sacrifice, will power, commitment – and yes, pulling yourself up by the bootstraps! So happy for you and the freedom you’ve found. God bless! Sending love and prayers. Thanks for reading 🙂

  21. Thanks for sharing. Your sharing about Jesus at the wedding reminded me about an insightful book called, “Jesus the Bridegroom” by Brant Pitre. There’s a huge significance to what He does.

    Anyhow, it’s tough trying to let go of control. My prayers often revolve around my goals, instead of just trying to submit and listen…

    • Hi John, you’re so right – submitting and listening is so hard to do, especially in this instantaneous ask/receive culture we live in. And thanks for sharing that book. I’ll definitely check it out! Glad you stopped by! Love and hugs to you!

  22. Jesus is able to do, exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.

    Wow you even have copyrighted images of beautybeyondbones & anorexiarevealed. Now that’s cool. Your awesome….

    • Thank you so much 🙂 yes, Jesus will go above and beyond our wildest dreams if we just give him the reins. Thanks for stopping by and for your wonderfully affirming words. Blessings xx

    • Hi friend! You are so right. Control and faith go hand in hand. I’ve never thought about that before, but you just can’t have one without the other! Thanks for offering this great perspective! Glad you stopped by! Have a great day 🙂

  23. Oh this was so beautiful! Indeed, we love holding the control reins when it only leaves us bogged down. I pray we learn how to give God the problem and let it go. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
    God bless you! <3

    • Oh thank you so much M! That is my deepest prayer too. To learn to choose to hand over the reins and just let Him do His thing without my interference or “backseat driving.” Very difficult indeed. Thanks for reading! Have a beautiful day!

  24. Thank God for the wisdom that flows through you. This is me; control freak. Needing to control how another should love me and I kept failing at it. I am learning to leave it all to God to take control. I am not God. I cannot be God. I will leave it to him without telling him how to do it for me because His plans are the best. I will do whatever he tells me to do. God bless you 🙂

    • Oh thank you so much Olive! Your words are so beautiful. Truly. Yes, what a great reminder, that I am not God, nor can I be. His plans are perfect because we are so deeply loved and cherished children of the King. Thanks for this beautiful reflection this morning, my friend. Have a lovely day! Thanks for reading! Hugs💜

  25. Excellent. I love how you flowed the makeup (the smiley face on the girls forehead was awesome) into a real life lesson. It just goes to show that control covers all facets of life, from the smallest to the biggest issues.
    So in faith, with you as a witness here: “Jesus, I have no job”.
    Now I will wait and do what he tells me.
    Great post. Thanks!

    • Thank you so much Wendy! Awesome. Now we just wait and let Jesus do the behind the scenes work! I will be praying for you and your situation too☺️🙏 thanks for stopping by and for your affirming remarks. That makeup picture, i thought was pretty cool, but when I saw it i was like, wow-talk about control! Now believe me, I’m not against makeup – at all. But that’s a prime example of manipulating even something as simple – and beautiful – as our own face! Thanks for reading, Wendy. Hugs to you!

  26. It’s good to hear you’re on the road to recovery, I’m sure that can never be easy and you should be proud of that. I definitely find it difficult to let go of control any time I’m remotely anxious or stressed by anything, I can definitely relate to that. 🙂

  27. This is absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. Your words have whispered the encouragement that I needed. 🙂 I pray that you continue to have great success in recovery!

  28. It is true. Sometimes, things seem massively against you, you pray and wake up and things seem a lot different. I’ve a few minor examples of this in my own life. Keep the faith.

  29. I just want to say that I have been reading your blog for a while now, and I find it inspirational, uplifting, and real (in a good way). I am also a recovering anorexic (over 15 years now) and I can relate in so many ways. Keep on being awesome, never lose the faith, and thanks for your great blog.

    • Thank you so much for your affirming words. That really means a lot. So happy for oh that you’ve found he freedom of recovery. Fifteen years-what an inspiration. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs to you xox

  30. Awesome as always. Control is a big problem with me in various areas of my life so this really hit home for me. You da man….or woman…you know what I mean 🙂

    • Haha thank you so much John! I’m glad this resonated with you. Yeah control is something that everyone has to deal with in one form or another. I appreciate your affirming words! Have a great night! Xox

  31. Great post! I struggle to surrender control too. I love your reflections on Mary’s words to Jesus and how she told him the problem and then left space for him to sort it out. I am far too quick to come up with a solution and tell him how to solve the problem.

    • Thank you so much Carly! Oh I hear you. I am so the same way. I’m sure it just makes God laugh when He hears how I think the problem should be solved. ☺️ thanks for stopping by! Hugs!

  32. Thank you so, so much for sharing. I’ve really been agonizing over this for the last few weeks. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Hugs to you brave friend!

  33. Your words are so soft, beautiful and told in such a loving matter. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s so much better when I let Him, even when it is still so hard to hand it over to Him. 🙂

  34. Very nice share. I recall this as being a struggle for me as well. My teenage years were very tense, and it was a time of darkness for me and my brothers. As I got older and after my therapists, I finally found the one thing which helped me – “Just flush it!” Just take all the bad, all the hurt, all the worry, all the anger and just flush it down the toilet. I visually did this and watch it all just swirl down and out. It was a way of helping me cleanse and start a new. I do think of this at times but now I turn to the Lord and pray and pray and pray. What is your will for me today Lord? How can I serve you and be a light in times of darkness. 🙂

      • This post really resonates with me. I have both an eating disorder bulimia/anorexia and also am recovering from very severe OCD which are both illnesses of control. So when I had a nervous breakdown in 2013 and started doing crazy OCD checking rituals 10 hours a day I just didn’t understand why I got so thin. But I was also controlling my food, I needed to eat more because the checking was so exhausting but I couldn’t eat more. I find it so difficult to give up control but I am working on it with the OCD every day. I also ate a large high fat meal yesterday and didn’t want to compulsively exercise afterwards so maybe it is working!

      • Hi Caroline, Thank you so much for sharing this. Giving up control really is so difficult, especially in areas that make us feel “safe.” But that safety doesn’t compare with the overwhelming joy that comes with freedom and surrender of control. I’m so excited for you that you made that great stride yesterday. Way to go! Sending so much love your way. hugs

  35. Beautiful post 🙂 It’s sometimes so hard to let go of what we can’t control. It’s funny because we try to think and think about it and we solve nothing.

  36. Very moving. Thanks for sharing. I love this story of Mary and Jesus at the wedding party. Understanding this story is actually what brought me back to Christ. The fact that Jesus was actually there through the struggles. But he waited patiently for someone to ask him for help, and then move out of his way and submit to his will. Then they realized blessings that they never would have imagined, as you explained so well. Control sometimes hurts us more than it helps. But it’s often difficult to give up the same thing that hurts us.

  37. Amen, girlfriend. I completely agree with you that we need to feel in control of other things we were at our lowest. Almost comparable to how insecurities can sometimes make us point out flaws in others.

  38. I needed to hear and read this. I couldn’t get to it when it was first posted, but thankfully WordPress wasn’t wiped out before I read it. Thank you.

  39. As you so eloquently pointed out. There is effective real control, Jesus Christ and there’s false worldly control. Giving up one and submitting to the other is, as you have stated not easy at all yet the ultimate affirming goal. Thanks for stopping by hisnamebpraised and liking the post. Blessings to you and all who visit this site in the name of Jesus Christ. Take care, Doug

  40. Being a recovering control freak, I can relate to this post. I do believe that Satan uses our desire to control as a way to burden us and prevent us from reaching our full potential. The idea that man can control his destiny is a lie! Some of us learn that the hard way and when it happens it is really humbling. Let us let go of our urge to control and trust that God will take care of it. He will take care of it because He is bigger than any problem we might face. Praise God for that!

  41. I really enjoyed reading your post, it was very authentic and moving. Yes control is such an illusion, and a pitiful one at that. The more control we attempt , the more vulnerable we become to chaos. Thanks for liking my post

  42. Gotta admit–my eyes got watery a number of times as I read this post (and your first post, outlining your struggle).

    I have “body issues” of my own … they haven’t ever come with the level of devastation that yours have, but “I feel you” from a place of shared pain over hating imperfection and coveting the impossible. Your willingness to be so vulnerable is humbling. Thanks for sharing your story. It put perspective on my suffering and it’s obvious I’m far from the only one touched by your story and your spirit’s desire to lead others to healing. Keep rockin’ it! Pass on the hope and the love, sister. 🙂

    “Lest we think silence is the place to hide a heavy heart, remember to love and be loved is life itself, without which we are naught.”


    Jim W

    • Hi Jim, thank you for this thoughtful response❤️ I absolutely love that quote you shared. Love and to be loved is life itself. Wow. So much truth. That goes along with the post in publishing tonight in a couple hours. I really appreciate your kindness and encouraging and affirming words, Jim. It means more than you know. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs xox

  43. I’m not a Christian but certainly the idea of ‘Do whatever He tells you to’ resonates with me. We have a saying in my religion ‘Trust in God, but tie the camel first’ and that is to say we give up our control to God but we do our best to push towards our goal too.
    Thought-provoking post. And many thanks for visiting my blog!

  44. Hi Kim; stopped by to thank you for visiting my site and I got into your article on “Control”. WOW! really good stuff; reminds me of something I should probably write about on my own blog. And I’m always ready for a hug; lol. God bless you KIm

    • Thank you so much for these kind words! So glad you stopped by:) I appreciate the support. Also, just a quick heads up- my name is not Kim! 😬 no worries though:) I haven’t disclosed my identity. I pray for the courage one day to do so, but for now, I’m just BBB❤️❤️❤️hugs and love xx

  45. And this is why I love reading you. You always pick up something that I’ve never thought of, something I’ve never heard anywhere else. You are gifted and a gift. So much wisdom! Have a great weekend!

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