Control

Control.

In today’s culture, we’re all about it.

We can control when we watch TV with DVR, we control how we come across on social media, we try to control our college or job trajectory by taking just the right classes or getting a particular degree. We try to control our diet and exercise — sometimes detrimentally so (guilty!) –we control our makeup; we can even try to control other people and their behaviors, whether a loved one, spouse, boyfriend, child or friend.

Control is everywhere.
And it’s contradictory. Because, the more we try to control the situation, the more bogged down – tied up – restricted – we become.

And for me personally, I find that my “controlling mechanism” flares up whenever there’s fear or anxiety involved.

This was especially evident during my weight restoration period at inpatient. And I don’t think I’m alone in this.

 

In recovery, everyone gets to that moment where, they’re weight restoring, everything is going along well, and then BAM you throw on the breaks because you get scared. You realize that, Oh shit, my body is changing. I’m gaining weight. I don’t want to do this any more.

Those are very real and very gripping fears during recovery. I had them. There was a period where I was just paralyzed in fear.

I journaled about it a lot at inpatient, just pouring my fears out to God.

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“Dear Lord, I come before you tonight and Lord, I just want to crawl in your lap because I feel like a vulnerable little child. Lord, please comfort me. I am so scared to gain this weight. And I feel like such a disappointment and that I let everyone down because I’m scared. I feel like a failure. Lord, I want to be healed of this so badly, I am just so insecure with myself and I feel like I have to be perfect. Please give me strength and perseverance. Please comfort me.

  

There was a story in the bible that we heard on Sunday about Jesus’ first miracle: Turning water into wine at the wedding feast at Cana.

Quick recap: Wedding party runs out of wine. Jesus’ mother, Mary, learns of this problem and tells Jesus, “They have no wine.” She then tells the servers, “Do whatever He tells you.” Jesus proceeds to turn six stone water jugs – about 180 gallons – into exceptional-quality wine.

AKA: He saves a major party-foul.

But the thing about this story that really hit me was Mary.

“They have no wine.”

There was a very real, very time sensitive issue at hand: the wedding reception ran out of wine.

I mean, isn’t that the biggest party foul ever? No more wine?! NOOOOO!

But instead of telling Jesus a laundry list of how to solve the problem, Mary simply tells Jesus the problem. “They have no wine.”

Period.

She stated the problem and then left it up to Him.

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And look what Jesus did: He not only solved the problem, but solved it abundantly. Beyond anyone’s dreams. They were overflowing with outstanding wine.

Looking back at my prayer at inpatient, I realized that I wasn’t being like Mary. I was trying to solve the problem myself: grant me this, send me that virture. Heal me this way. 

I needed to just surrender the problem, the situation — the control — to Him.

Here’s the last thing. Mary said one more thing: “Do whatever He tells you.”

That’s the part that can be the hardest: Doing what He tells you.

Whether that’s following your recovery meal plan. Breathing through the urges to not partake in ED bahaviors. Doing the next right thing, in whatever vein this looks like for you: Saying yes to an invitation from a friend, putting your computer away after 10pm, not buying the ump-teenth pair of designer shoes, changing the topic when gossip is starting. Whatever it is. Do whatever He tells you.

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Control is such a hard thing to surrender. Especially when life throws us curve balls. Like the loss of a job or a loved one. A rocky relationship. A rejection letter from college. Being bullied.

“They have no wine.”

Just tell Him the problem, fear, anxiety, situation.

Tell Him, and then give Him the space and the time to work. Because when He does, the solution will be beyond your wildest dreams.

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277 thoughts on “Control

  1. Very nice share. I recall this as being a struggle for me as well. My teenage years were very tense, and it was a time of darkness for me and my brothers. As I got older and after my therapists, I finally found the one thing which helped me – “Just flush it!” Just take all the bad, all the hurt, all the worry, all the anger and just flush it down the toilet. I visually did this and watch it all just swirl down and out. It was a way of helping me cleanse and start a new. I do think of this at times but now I turn to the Lord and pray and pray and pray. What is your will for me today Lord? How can I serve you and be a light in times of darkness. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      • This post really resonates with me. I have both an eating disorder bulimia/anorexia and also am recovering from very severe OCD which are both illnesses of control. So when I had a nervous breakdown in 2013 and started doing crazy OCD checking rituals 10 hours a day I just didn’t understand why I got so thin. But I was also controlling my food, I needed to eat more because the checking was so exhausting but I couldn’t eat more. I find it so difficult to give up control but I am working on it with the OCD every day. I also ate a large high fat meal yesterday and didn’t want to compulsively exercise afterwards so maybe it is working! http://bit.ly/1ER5cLY

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hi Caroline, Thank you so much for sharing this. Giving up control really is so difficult, especially in areas that make us feel “safe.” But that safety doesn’t compare with the overwhelming joy that comes with freedom and surrender of control. I’m so excited for you that you made that great stride yesterday. Way to go! Sending so much love your way. hugs

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  2. Beautiful post 🙂 It’s sometimes so hard to let go of what we can’t control. It’s funny because we try to think and think about it and we solve nothing.

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  3. Very moving. Thanks for sharing. I love this story of Mary and Jesus at the wedding party. Understanding this story is actually what brought me back to Christ. The fact that Jesus was actually there through the struggles. But he waited patiently for someone to ask him for help, and then move out of his way and submit to his will. Then they realized blessings that they never would have imagined, as you explained so well. Control sometimes hurts us more than it helps. But it’s often difficult to give up the same thing that hurts us.

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  5. Amen, girlfriend. I completely agree with you that we need to feel in control of other things we were at our lowest. Almost comparable to how insecurities can sometimes make us point out flaws in others.

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  6. As you so eloquently pointed out. There is effective real control, Jesus Christ and there’s false worldly control. Giving up one and submitting to the other is, as you have stated not easy at all yet the ultimate affirming goal. Thanks for stopping by hisnamebpraised and liking the post. Blessings to you and all who visit this site in the name of Jesus Christ. Take care, Doug

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  7. Thank you for sharing. This is beautiful. Recovery isn’t perfect. All we can do is our best and let go, even though it’s one of the hardest things to do.

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  8. Being a recovering control freak, I can relate to this post. I do believe that Satan uses our desire to control as a way to burden us and prevent us from reaching our full potential. The idea that man can control his destiny is a lie! Some of us learn that the hard way and when it happens it is really humbling. Let us let go of our urge to control and trust that God will take care of it. He will take care of it because He is bigger than any problem we might face. Praise God for that!

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  9. I really enjoyed reading your post, it was very authentic and moving. Yes control is such an illusion, and a pitiful one at that. The more control we attempt , the more vulnerable we become to chaos. Thanks for liking my post

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  10. Gotta admit–my eyes got watery a number of times as I read this post (and your first post, outlining your struggle).

    I have “body issues” of my own … they haven’t ever come with the level of devastation that yours have, but “I feel you” from a place of shared pain over hating imperfection and coveting the impossible. Your willingness to be so vulnerable is humbling. Thanks for sharing your story. It put perspective on my suffering and it’s obvious I’m far from the only one touched by your story and your spirit’s desire to lead others to healing. Keep rockin’ it! Pass on the hope and the love, sister. 🙂

    “Lest we think silence is the place to hide a heavy heart, remember to love and be loved is life itself, without which we are naught.”

    Peace,

    Jim W

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Jim, thank you for this thoughtful response❤️ I absolutely love that quote you shared. Love and to be loved is life itself. Wow. So much truth. That goes along with the post in publishing tonight in a couple hours. I really appreciate your kindness and encouraging and affirming words, Jim. It means more than you know. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs xox

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  11. I’m not a Christian but certainly the idea of ‘Do whatever He tells you to’ resonates with me. We have a saying in my religion ‘Trust in God, but tie the camel first’ and that is to say we give up our control to God but we do our best to push towards our goal too.
    Thought-provoking post. And many thanks for visiting my blog!

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  12. Hi Kim; stopped by to thank you for visiting my site and I got into your article on “Control”. WOW! really good stuff; reminds me of something I should probably write about on my own blog. And I’m always ready for a hug; lol. God bless you KIm

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    • Thank you so much for these kind words! So glad you stopped by:) I appreciate the support. Also, just a quick heads up- my name is not Kim! 😬 no worries though:) I haven’t disclosed my identity. I pray for the courage one day to do so, but for now, I’m just BBB❤️❤️❤️hugs and love xx

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  13. And this is why I love reading you. You always pick up something that I’ve never thought of, something I’ve never heard anywhere else. You are gifted and a gift. So much wisdom! Have a great weekend!

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