April Showers

Well here we are. April.

We’ve officially made it through the doldrums of winter and are on the brink of spring.


April in NYC is the rainy season.

I mean, it is nothing glamorous.

Gray, overcast and drizzly skies; murky puddles of sludge, and temperatures that can range from 70 degrees one day, to 35 the next. And did I mention that you’re walking in all of this.


The cute little, “April showers bring May flowers…”

More like, “April showers bring disgruntled and frizzy New Yorkers.”


But I digress.

I’m actually one of the rare breed of people who likes rain.

From my apartment, I can hear the street below. And there’s a certain sound that cars make when they’re driving on a wet road. There’s a little *hisss* that comes when tires drive on wet pavement. And when I wake up in the morning and hear that *hiss* out my window, I always get excited: it’s a rainy day.

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I think that excitement goes back to when I was younger. Growing up, my very first bible was called, “Living Water for those who Thirst.” And there are inserts throughout of bible passages about rain and water. And they have beautiful pictures and a glossy sheen. And I just remember always opening up to those pages and running my fingers over the images, and really falling in love with water, and everything it symbolizes.

This beloved bible, with all of its underlines and color coded-highlights, and doodles, was one of the few books I was allowed to bring with me to inpatient for my anorexia. Literally every book and magazine — even a Disney Channel magazine I tried bringing — was confiscated at check-in for being “contraband.” They didn’t want any triggering images or messages.

The only book we were allowed was, yep – you guessed it! The Bible.


But there was this one image in the bible of a person in a sun shower — you know, the super heavy rain when the sun is brilliantly shining? Well this person was in this downpour, smiling, and the verse was, “I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean, and I will put a new spirit in you.” Ezekiel 36: 25-26


During my time at inpatient, I absolutely clung to that verse and everything it promised and communicated: That He is changing me. Making me new. Washing away all the unclean things in my past.

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I wrestled for such a long time, (and honestly sometimes still do) with all the things in my past that were “dirty.” All the lies I told surrounding my anorexia. All the ways I manipulated my family and loved ones. All the hurt I had caused them and the trust I shattered. All the ways I purposely tried to destroy the body that had been entrusted to me by God: I had done my best to demolish it. And even though I didn’t come right out and say it, my actions communicated that I had turned my back on God.

All of those things made me feel like I was completely caked in mud. In proverbial “shit.”  Literally. Like the scene from Slumdog Millionaire.

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I was the kid that fell into the latrine.

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So reading about God washing away all of that disgusting crap I was covered in — it brought me so much peace. So much hope. So much comfort.

God does not want me to walk around wearing the dirt from my past.

He wants me to be clean. Washed anew. Because I am His. And that’s why He went to the cross.

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But here’s the biggie: He promises to give me a new spirit.

He’s not going to just give me a shower and send me on my way. No. He promised to put a new spirit in me.

One of power, right judgement, a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7) One that could stand up to ED and all of his lies and false promises.

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With a “heavenly shower” and a new spirit, there was nothing that I couldn’t do.

So that’s why I like the rain.

It is a reminder of that promise. That I’m not in this alone. And that God has promised to wash me clean of all the baggage from my past that can eat away at me and bring me down.

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Maybe you’re not struggling with an eating disorder, but I’m sure there are things that you can think of that keep you up at night. Eat away at your spirit. Discourage you. And riddle you with regret. Maybe a word spoken in anger to a loved one. Maybe an addiction or bad habit you’ve struggled with for years – surrounding food, or online shopping or porn, or gossip, or a critical spirit, or excessive eating or drinking. Whatever it is that’s making you feel caked with mud — you don’t have to walk around with it anymore.

We can claim the promises of His cleansing rain and a new spirit.

That’s what I see in the rain.

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So bring on those April Showers. Because just like in nature, they really do bring flowers in the spring. Rain is life giving. And so too for you and me.

With His rain, we will bloom.

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255 thoughts on “April Showers

  1. I also love the rain, sitting on my tin roofed porch listening to the patter, walking in the woods just after the rain. I am amazed every day that God has washed me clean of yesterday’s filth and grime. I love God’s rain.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wonderful post, what a powerful reminder of God’s power to transform. I have been going through some changes in my life and can see God’s hand shaking things up to lay a new foundation – on Him. I love the metaphor of the rain as a reminder of his gentle cleansing and healing. Thank you, and God Bless!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Beautifully written post. Sometimes I feel like the past does cling to me like a lingering stench and I worry others will realize it’s coming from me. Great reminder that grace washes it all away. Off now to listen to Todd Agnew’s “Grace Like Rain”…

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  4. I commend you. This post sends a really strong message. With every great thing there is always growth through the darkness. I named my newest kiddo a name that atbolizes that saying. She is the light at the end of the dark tunnel for me. I may shot struggle with an eating disorder, but I have experience trauma which has thrown me for a loop. Your post serves to reassure that all that pain and agony we go through is meant to make us who we need to become. Thanks for this. ☺😊

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    • Thank you so much! Oh yes, Arizona is dry dry dry. But it’s a “dry heat.” 😉😉😉and I’m so glad you like my illustrations! I enjoy making them:) it’s a bit of a labor of love, so I appreciate your feedback! Hugs and love xox

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  5. Lovely post!!! I’m actually one of the rare breed of people who likes rain, except when I really want to speed. i not only loooooove the sound that cars make when they’re driving on a wet road. There’s a little *swish* that comes from the wipers as the rain floods the windshield that thrills my soul…

    Just like you said the rain brings this deep, exhilarating clean and this clean further establishes in my mind that our God who has made this HUGE blessing called rain can do exceeding abundantly above anything we can ask or imagine. Thanks so much for sharing.

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  6. You are so awesome. I am so glad I found your blog, though I’ve never suffered even slightly from any kind of eating disorder. This is an incredible post, and the line about “I’m sure there are things that you can think of that keep you up at night. Eat away at your spirit. Discourage you. And riddle you with regret.” – yeah, that’s me. All over the place. And I also love rainy days. Just not EVERY day, or when we need to do something outdoors.

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  7. Thank you for bringing out Ezekiel 36:25-26 to my attention. I’ll pray on this.
    May Father, the Almighty, creator of Heaven and Earth grant you peace and release from your eating disorder, Amen.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I appreciate your telling a concise coherent story interlaced with scripture to fully show the metaphor and significance of the rain in your life. Great post. I love metaphors and imagery used to remind us of God’s blessings. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Beautiful and nourishing to the heart, mind, and soul. Rain is beautiful and feels good. For THIS April, I wish the SNOW would go away though. Its too cold still, at least here, even when it rains. Hugs!!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. That’s powerful! Thank you for trusting your audience enough to write something like that. So many times we forget that we DO have His Spirit inside of us that raised Him from the grave. A good reminder! Thank you!

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  11. Dear you although I have not read all of your April Showers blog I do intend to read all of it at a much better time that’s more convenient than 1:30 in the morning. I need to stay awake for this one because you always take me on an emotional rollercoaster and did I mention I love it your blog that is. he may be a thespian at heart because your descriptive nature of the rain and the beauty of it can only be described as cinematic Beauty that can be captured only by the most detailed of film directors. Have a blessed day although it’s raining in New York City on your end the snow is still falling in the country which was made famous by the musical number known as This Land is Our Land. Much love and blessings I give you and peace I leave you in as you rest your head upon your pillow tonight. I want you to know that your blog certainly makes a difference keep it up I’m proud of you and I’m even more proud to call you my friend I shall call you Hannah

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      • You’re right on the money there sister. Your intellect is far beyond your youth which in layman’s terms means you’re a very smart woman. God has taught you well. I read your Coachella post and I liked it. You’re a wonderful writer but then again I always try to head to fight you because you’re my favorite blogger and you’re a the follower of Jesus. I wanted to bring something to your attention you’re right people flock to concerts like Coachella and/or they go to massive football games or the hockey playoffs but they can’t take the time to go to church some of them can’t even be bothered. I want you to understand something I really respect you and I respect your beliefs. I want you to understand the power you hold in your hands. What I mean by that is your blog is your way to minister Grace and to the Gentiles. It’s your ministry so to speak that God has given you those experiences give you the compassion so that you can reach out to people from all walks of life and from all corners of the globe which is why this Canadian boy has come across your page I see the talent in you and I see the deep-rooted passion you have for God and I’m happy to call you my friend if ever you need help on any subject I’m here for youwhat else is a pastor for student like myself supposed to do but help others

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      • I also wanted to let you know that I’ll be working on another devotional called disconnecting from the world allows you to connect with God. Again I say you’re one of my favorite people and favorite bloggers. Your impact is heard your words do make a difference. I want you to feel encouraged for the work you do because it’s a good work and now I’m sure the Lord will be pleased with his servant such as you. But you’re more than just quotes they’re more than just pictures you’re more than just words he was a person exemplifies compassion. It’s that compassion that makes all the difference in the world. It’s that compassion to reach people in the most broken of places or hours so that God may give them peace among the storm. I don’t know who you are exactly but that doesn’t really matter even though I read your identity blog and it didn’t really tell me much you’re kind of keeping the journalists in the dark here. I’m not used to that sort of thing. Anyways like I said it doesn’t matter you are you are fantastic.

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  12. I have related so much to your post. My problem being different, but the dirtiness you discussed resonates with me. So much i regret from the past that it’s hard to ignore or forgive myself for. I try so hard to keep God in my life, but I’ve gotten so far away from the old days of praying every night. Even thinking about him everyday. I hate myself for it as i know deep down this is not me.
    Lately i feel I am talking to him when I need something or if I’m going through a bad time. My daughter has stated lately that there is no proof of God, therefore she doesn’t think she believes. This hit me hard as we raised her with God in our lives. I know God answers prayers at His convenience, not ours. I feel that’s how I got to my position in my career. It took years to get here. But i still need God and just don’t feel that former connection. Sorry, I know your not my therapist…..lol. Just had to share:)

    Liked by 1 person

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