Un-Know

I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I wish I could “un-know” things. You know what I mean?

Like, I wish I didn’t know some of the things I do. I wish I could un-learn them. Un-see them. Like Justin Timberlake with cornrows.

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Or the girl from the movie, The Ring. That disturbing image will forever be seared into my brain. And, this is coming from the girl who was terrified of scary movies, and would “watch” those flicks from behind a pillow when my friends would insist on watching them.

Or if you walk in on your parents “doing it.”

Not that that’s ever happened to me. But so I’ve heard.

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I did walk in on my friend’s dad pooping….that was pretty scarring.

Never went over to that house again, that’s for dang sure.

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But all jokes aside, there are things that I just wish I didn’t have knowledge about.

I witnessed the little 7-year-old girl I nanny for “learn” one of those things today. We’ll call her Cindy.

I was with Cindy and her friend, and we were waiting in line for the ice cream truck.

And her friend goes, “Oh look, I’m fat!” as she pulled out her shirt away from her stomach and blew air into her cheeks.

And as her friend did this, I saw my little Cindy look down at her stomach and touch it, and assess her shirt-to-tummy ratio situation. It was the first time I ever saw her be self-conscious.

Now, to be clear, neither of these girls are anywhere near fat. They’re beanpoles. In fact, as with most children of well-off New Yorkers, they could stand to gain a few pounds. Living a Gwyneth Paltrow-GOOP-inspired lifestyle, as most rich NYC-kids do, leaves children lanky and hyped up on kale chips and fresh pressed juice. A far cry from Dunkaroos and Capri Suns. #nostalgic

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And I have been careful to never talk about weight or body image or anything negative about my own appearance either. Those are things no child should have to worry about.

And seeing Cindy first realize that weight is something that people can and do make fun of, it broke my heart.

She learned something today she can never unlearn.

My time (three months) at inpatient, honestly, the biggest thing I took away from it were the things and the stories from other girls that I can never unlearn. I can’t unhear.

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I’ve mentioned before, but I was 18 when I went into inpatient for anorexia, and technically an adult. And therefore, I was admitted into the adult program. I had just missed the cutoff for the adolescent program.

So I was the youngest one.

And the stories I heard from these women who were battling anorexia and other eating disorders…harrowing, to put it lightly. There was a woman there who has been battling anorexia for 40 years. And that’s a mild example.

But sometimes, I just get really pressed down for lack of a better explanation, when my mind takes a quick inventory of all those things. Not that I sit around and think about it, but seeing Cindy experience that today, it brought up a lot of mental images and thoughts for me.

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We all have things we wish we could unsee or unknow.

Maybe it’s unknow-ing the pain of your parents getting a divorce as a child. Maybe it’s unknow-ing the taste of that first sip of alcohol. Or the rush of stealing or cheating. Or the taste of sugar. Or unsee painful moments where we’ve witnessed the loss of life or betrayal, or deceit.

I bet we all could come up with a laundry list of things.

And even though we might not think about them every day, they’re always there, lying dormant in the background. Things that we just carry around with us, day in, day out.

And tonight, I found myself having drudged up a lot of those things. I found myself with an armful of heavy and scary crap that was weighing me down and dominating my thoughts and feelings.

And it was in that moment that I remembered the song lyrics, “I lay it down at your feet.”

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That’s the beauty of God: all those things that plague us with doubt and worry and fears of inadequacy and pain and regret – those things we wish we didn’t know – Jesus will take them all.

We just have to surrender them. Leave them at the foot of the cross.

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Cindy may have learned something today that she can never “unknow” – about the harsh judgments people can pass.

But the good news is that there is something that we can also learn that is greater and more powerful than any of those things or images seared into our minds. And that is that God is greater.

His protection is greater than any fear.His love is greater than any hurtful comment or insecurity. His forgiveness is greater than any screwup in our past. His mercy is greater than any struggle or hardship.

He is greater.

Let’s re-learn that.

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Thanks again to all the awesome Patreon supporters. I’m really excited to share this week’s exclusive content…something definitely out of the ordinary for me! It’s a podcast where I answer fun personal questions you guys have sent in! Hope you enjoy!

 

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

274 thoughts on “Un-Know

  1. “That’s the beauty of God: all those things that plague us with doubt and worry and fears of inadequacy and pain and regret – those things we wish we didn’t know – Jesus will take them all.” And that perfectly sums up my hope and belief as I lay down my past at the foot of the Cross. Thank you especially for this article. God bless you!

  2. “I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I wish I could “un-know” things. You know what I mean?”

    Yes, I totally know! We can however, we can un-know things, we can let Christ wash that all away and replace it with Him. We can help by remembering Philippians 4:8 and focusing on, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”

    However, sometimes we need to cling to these things to show we care, to help educate others, and because our “knowing” serves a vital purpose in the world.

    Either way, you can’t go wrong with Him at your side. 🙂

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection! I absolutely love that verse. It’s on my mirror in my room. So so true- we can’t go wrong when we’re in His guidance! Hugs and love xox

  3. Yes, I think there’s things we’d all like to never have known or witnessed. Though, in hindsight, it’s easy to wish those experiences away. But, I just remind myself that not only is God greater than anything we go through, but the things we’ve seen, heard, said, done, or gone through is all a part of our journey for a reason. It’s weird thinking that our heartaches, pain, and loss could be a part of His plan for us, but through it all, He shapes us into great people that are poised to do amazing things in His name and we’re to know such peace and be able to take such comfort in Him. ♡

    1. Hi CarissaMarie, thank you for this beautiful perspective. I think you’re right-everyone is on a journey. And though we may not always understand, he is always in control. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  4. This post makes me smile! It’s so true that Jesus takes our past and redeems it. He gives us beauty for ashes . There are a lot of things I wish I could unsee or hear, but then I remember that those are things God can use to help others. I’m sure God will use you to be a positive influence on the little girl you take care of. ☺

  5. who are you?

    On Thu, Jun 30, 2016 at 7:00 PM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I wish I > could “un-know” things. You know what I mean? Like, I wish I didn’t know > some of the things I do. I wish I could un-learn them. Un-see them. Like > Justin Timberlake with cornrows. Or the girl from the mov” >

  6. As a 40 year old and mom of two girls in the early teen years, nothing hurts me more than to hear them critique their bodies. I’ve battled with ED since I was a teen and I’ve tried to protect my girls from it. As a mom of girls it’s been my biggest fear that they would follow my path, so I work hard to give them appropriate reassurance and tell them that they are worth more than the number on the scale, even though I struggle to believe that myself. I’m sorry you had to experience this with the child you care for, it’s not fun.

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing this. Yeah, I can only imagine what it’s like raising teen girls in this thin-obsessed media we’re bombarded with. It sounds like you’re an amazing mother. You are a gift to them 🙂 hugs and love xox

      1. Great post! Thinking of that little girl I had my first bout of anorexia at the age of 8 and my therapist thinks because I was sexually abused. The abuse still affects me if only I could un-know it it would be great. That was why I prayed the other day because I thought God is greater. Greater than the addictive pattern that keeps pulling me towards dangerous and unavailable men. I’m still not sure where I am with God if only I was as sure as you!

      2. Hi Caroline, thank you for sharing this. I am so sorry that you had to endure that abuse. That just breaks my heart. You did not deserve that. You deserved to be cherished and protected. Yes, God is greater. Run to Him and let Him heal that wounded part of your spirit. praying for you friend. big big hugs and love xox

  7. I’ve been wanting to share this but it’s been to difficult to write. I’ve considered a blog post or a Facebook post but I haven’t been able to share it yet. I’ve heard a lot about “triggers” recently and your story just triggered me to share this. Sorry for the long comment you can delete it if you like but I just need to get this off my chest. A couple weeks ago I saw a sheet of paper in the trash in the bathroom. I noticed my 7 year old daughters writing so I took it out. It was a sweet song she’d written about Jesus. I made a Facebook post about it and everyone thought it was sweet. A few days later I saw another sheet of paper in the bathroom trash with her writing on it. Earlier that day I had been playing on my phone like I am right now when she asked me how to spell physically. I told her how and kept on doing what I was doing. Now I take this note out of the trash and it says “Some people say I’m physically heavy, but on the inside I’m light as a” that was the end. She marked through her words with a red X and threw it in the bathroom trash can. When I read it I cried. I read the letter to my wife and we cried. I cried as I typed these words just now. Why didn’t I ask her what she was writing when she asked how to spell physically? Why didn’t I comfort her. She was asleep when I discovered this letter and I wanted to wake her and tell her she is beautiful. I felt like I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it for her. I picked her up he next morning and told her she was light as a feather. She smiled and gave me a huge hug. What can I do to protect my sweet child? People are so nasty. Our society is so nasty. How can I help her? I would really appreciate any advice. I know I can’t protect her from every hurt but I want her to love herself and be confident. I don’t know what to do.

    1. Hi Robert, thank you so much for sharing this. Gosh, that just breaks my heart too. Hmm, that’s tough. Seven years old is so innocent and you want to protect her from the cruelty that can be out there in the world. Honestly, and I know this is going to sound so cheesy, but I would just suggest to keep reminding her of who she is in Christ. How she is cherished. And valuable. And worthy of love. And that it is Jesus shining through her that makes her beautiful both inside and out.
      Kids can definitely be mean and bullying is a very real thing that kids have to deal with at school. I guess just keep inviting her to share things with you. Maybe share your own vulnerabilities and fears with her, thereby giving her an example that it’s okay to be open and honest in your home. That it’s a safe space to talk about feelings and fears. Gosh, what a tough time to be a parent. You’re doing great though. I can just feel your loving father’s heart through the computer. Your daughter is lucky to have you in her life. At the end of the day, you cannot control what other kids are going to say and the messages she receives from them, but you can control the message she receives from you. And from the sounds of it, you’re feeding her what she needs to hear. I will keep your family in my prayers 🙂 hugs and love xox

      1. Thank you so much for responding! Sounds like exactly what I would’ve said if someone asked me that question. (You like how I took credit for your answer? I will give you credit when I have a parent ask me the same thing.) I just couldn’t get past the hurt I was feeling for her. Love your blog. Your love for the Lord makes your posts applicable to so many of life’s situations even if people are struggling with different difficulties. Great advice I’m going to make sure she knows where true beauty comes from. She reads her Bible every night and she is being baptized on July 17th. She’s got a good start!

      2. Thanks again Robert. She sounds like a great kid. That’s so exciting! I’ll definitely say a special prayer for her on the 17th. Hang in there, friend. The Lord has got her in the palm of His hand. Just keep reminding her that 🙂 hugs xx

    2. Hi Robert. I suffered a lot of what your daughter is going through now. It was tough but what made it toughest was not having anyone to talk to and having a family that constantly reminded me of my oversized body. I grew to lack confidence in myself and decided that pretty is a word not for me. Now, I’ve come to know God and He’s helping me. I’m learning not to be moved by hurtful comments. But I know very well that a lot of what I went through could have been averted if I had family support.

      So please, let her know how beautiful she is. Sing it in her ears everyday. If she’s learnt something wrong, she’s still in her formative years and alot can still be changed.

      Thanks for being an awesome father. God bless you and your family real good.

  8. You drew a great word picture….I can see the scene so clearly. And sadly. 🙁
    If we could just LEAVE it at the cross, and not keep treating it (whatever “it” is) as a yo-yo, or as trash set to the curb that doesn’t get picked up when we think it should and so we haul it back inside us. Letting go is almost harder than taking it to the cross.
    Keep letting go 🙂 And sharing

    1. Hey there Tony! Thanks!! Yeah, honestly, letting go and handing it over is so hard! Somehow over the years, I think I developed this mindset where I felt like I had to do everything on my own. That I couldn’t ask for help. Couldn’t “quit” or “give up” because that was showing weakness or something. ((I know, pride was and is my biggest sin, but i’m working on it)) But honestly, it in the surrender that true freedom and true life begins. Thanks for stopping by! hope you’re having a wonderful week! hugs and love xox

  9. A really good blog again as the Lord does continues to make time stand still for you and allow you to notice the things going on around you that many of us miss. I am sure you spoke life into the little ones you heard having the fat discussion. I was having a real battle today between my ears with things being spoken in my mind from you know who but I was trying to deal with it myself and by days end I was worn down. When you are under attack you really need to lay things down at the feet of Jesus trusting Him to cover you and speak life. I know that wasn’t the thrust of your story but somehow it brought clarity and some peace. Sometimes the life in the words we speak minister to the unintended like your words have tonight. Oh the value in being connected to the Vine. Bless you friend
    Norman

    1. Thank you friend. Amen to that – Jesus will take all of those things from us and just cover us with His love and peace. And what a comfort that is. Thanks for this wonderful reflection, Norman. Glad you stopped by. hugs and love xox

  10. God is greater indeed, Amen! Thank you for sharing and I agree, let’s relearn how loving and caring our God is. He is a good, good Father.

  11. I’m a pastor and a writer. A sinner and a broken person. A child of God, a shepherd of people. I talk about God almost ceaselessly, but my prayer is that I act like Christ even more ceaselessly. And I read. A lot. I’m an academic as well, earning my doctorate and teaching at a university. All of this to say: your blog refreshes me. It hits me in my bones with its honesty and fervent faith. Some of your entries have found me on days when I really needed them; I imagine you’ll take that as a high compliment, as it is meant, because isn’t that what all of us bloggers strive for? A connection with others across time and space? And in the Body of Christ, we find ourselves rooted in a resurrection hope, a redeeming love, a grace that surpasses understanding. Thank you for your witness.

    1. Wow, Aaron, I am speechless. Thank you so much for your incredibly kind words. It brings my heart so much joy to know that my posts have resonated with you. That is my deepest prayer: that they will be stumbled across at the right time for the person. Thank you for sharing that with me. Sending you the biggest hugs and love. xox

  12. Great testimony! Just like Adam and Eve wish they could un-know sin once revealed to them.. sorry I’m a Bible Geek can’t help but reference the Bible lol Have a blessed day!

  13. Not only should this be on front page of a highly acclaimed newspaper, you’re wit with the pictures is stunning, there’s some things I would like to un know also .. which you may learn now lol it’s not uncommon for rats to crawl up threw a toilet.. think about that next time you’re sending mean tweets to Donald Trump lol or how about it’s also common for spiders to crawl in your ears when you’re sleeping and lay eggs lol sleep tight! 🙂

    1. oh gosh!! I’m cringing thinking about that!! eeeeekkkk! haha but seriously thank you for your kind words about my blog. it means a lot. Watch out for those spiders my friend! hugs and love xox

  14. I too sometimes wish to un know things just to be able to go through a day not stressing about looks and opinions. The best solution is found is to keep going. Loved your post

  15. This was very sad, but well written, as usual. I know this so very well. I warned my kids about it as they were growing up…be careful what you read, and what you watch…once it is in your head, you really cannot get it out and some things you just don’t want in there. There are many things that eat at people’s innocence in life, that’s why it’s so important to keep your eyes on God. That way you can be restored spiritually.

    1. Hi Charlene thank you for this thoughtful note. You’re so right-we’ve gotta keep our eyes on Him. The world can try to fill our minds with a lot of gunk, but His truth gives life! Hugs and love xox

  16. “And seeing Cindy first realize that weight is something that people can and do make fun of, it broke my heart.
    She learned something today she can never unlearn.”

    I know that must have been a tough moment to see her like that. A loss of innocence, a reminder of your past. It happens to everyone at some time. Fortunately, she has a great role model in you to help her see her true God-given beauty.

  17. Thanks for sharing this! Great lesson for all of us…we all have the stuff we want to “un-know, see, feel, learn… but Jesus is our redo, our restart, our Savior! He makes us new!

  18. Great post 🙂 Remembering a painful part of your past can be hard going and the best way to remedy that pain is to remember that God and Jesus loves us all and to learn from our painful parts of our pasts and eventually forget about them so one can live happily in the present. Make no mistake, painful memories are always there but the one they cannot do and let us hope they not do is take over us. Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

    1. Hey there John! Thank you for this thoughtful reflection. You’re so right-we are SO loved. And yes, He does use everything-even the painful parts of our past-for good. Thanks for stopping by! Have a great night! Hugs and love xox

  19. Every girl has to learn that lesson some day but not every girl has an awesome role model like you whose been through the worst of it and came out on top. You can share your lessons with her and offer support. She’ll grow up to be a strong woman because of you.

    1. Hey friend! Thank you for this kind comment. You’re right, we have all had “learning” experiences like this. She’s a great kid. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  20. This was awesome. Exactly the prompt I needed to do my spoken word poetry on Sunday. It’s about moving from low self confidence to finding your confidence in God.

    I was beginning to have doubts about doing it. Because it’s a hard task telling a whole group of people, the baggage you’ve carried for a long while.

    But this, this made me re-think. And now I pray my presentation blesses someone as much as this blessed me.

    God bless you so much.

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for this kind comment. I’m so glad it resonated with you. Spoken word poetry! Wow that’s pretty awesome. I hope it goes well! Glad this made you think:) Hugs and love xox

  21. I needed this today. My brother succumbed to his addiction on February 29, and Monday was his birthday. Last night I couldn’t get images out of my head. I chose to see his body, lying where he was found. The phone call I had gotten that he was dead. The mortuary’s foyer. The casket. Every little horrible detail. I need to lay it all at His feet.

    1. Hi friend. Thank you for sharing this. I am so sorry for your loss. Gosh, I cannot imagine the pain and the effect, seeing that has caused you. Yes, give it to Jesus. He wants to comfort you and give you peace. I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers. Sending big hugs xx

  22. Well said! It’s because God and Jesus are greater, that we can ask Jesus the Lord, to take away all the bad memories and infill our minds with positive thoughts. Have you been to a movie with horrible lingering memories, so much so that it gave you nightmares? Same thing! Evil can be transferred from a bad experience, a trauma, a word, person to person, from movies from song lyrics or just about anything that the enemy can throw at you. NO FEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can say cut off prayers to rid yourself from all these negative things. Put on the armour of God everyday for protection,(Ephesians 6:10) because everyday you are fighting a spiritual battle. The closer you get to Jesus the more harassment you wilh have, No need for fear, doubt and anxiety because Jesus conquered all that. A long time ago, before I started prayer healing I kept dreaming of a big eye looking at me, now I have had training since and I well know that it was not from God, but the enemy tries to scare me especially when it knows I’m trying to help others. I’ve since learnt to pray over it and it goes. From time to time I dream of an small eye looking at me from a distant, it can see my spiritual armour and it won’t get close to me. I told the eye that I belong to Jesus and it immediately left. You come from the most high and Almighty God our Father, you come from the creator of great omnipotence. You have His Son Jesus, the lamb of God who sacrificed His life for you. God and Jesus are the Power house whom no one can overcome. God bless you <3

    1. Thank you for this powerful reflection. Amen to that – Jesus conquered ALL of that! What a comfort that is! Thank you for sharing this. God is good! hugs and love xox

  23. I drop it at the foot of my father and i just movr forward
    I lay it down and leave at peace
    I will practice that tonight
    I shouldn’t have to bear what Jesus has carried

  24. Thanks you so much for your post and reminder to re-learn something instead of being obsessed with un-learning. I think people just don’t have as much mercy on themselves and their past sometimes as much as God does. Isaiah 38:17 states, “Look! Instead of peace, I had great bitterness; But in your fondness for me, You preserved me from the pit of destruction. You have thrown all my sins behind your back.” God throws our sons behind His back, but sometimes people try to look back at them, when God does not even. I enjoyed your post 😂 Thanks 😂

  25. This really resonates with me. Like you, I was admitted to an adult ED programme at a young age (I was actually 17, but turning 18 in 2 months, so they said it made sense), and I saw and heard things that no one should ever see. And again on various different wards and treatment programmes over the years. I’ll never forget the first death, and the most blood I ever saw. Things no one should have to forget.

    Yep, I could make a laundry list.

    I’m not religious (though I wish I was a believer), and I’ll have to reframe what you said to fit with my own belief system. Thank you for this.

    1. Hi friend, thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry that we have that similar experience that connects us. So glad that we both have made it though and are living freely. Glad it resonated with you. Sending you so much love my friend.

  26. You really need to be reborn to change the past and be willing to learn again. But you must recognize it’s not the best so you can move on.

  27. Daily laying it down is my go-to method of soul therapy. This is so right on! God is always greater and His arms can carry all of our stuff. Beautiful!

  28. This captures so much for me. I feel like it sums up so much that I never wanted to talk about, the things I just want to pretend don’t exist.

    It can be hard, especially since it’s not the same as forgetting. So many people tell me they just want to forget, but forgetting is different. Forgetting still comes with baggage. I’d rather just never know…

  29. This was a good read and instantly made me think of the first thing I wish I could unsee: the messages in Mr.Me’s phone December 2013. It changed everything and I really wish a part of me could have that naivety and lack of insight until I came up with an emergency just in case action plan on how to handle a guy who seems to need attention!

    1. Hi friend, thank you for sharing this. I don’t know why we have to go through the things we do, but I do know that there is Someone who will heal our wounds. Sending so much hugs and love xox

      1. I am still with Mr.Me after it all… still wondering… still trying. MAybe time will heal my wounds or maybe you will be right and it will end up being someone else. Who knows x

  30. Perhaps the thing that really disturbed you about this incident was realizing (probably subconsciously) that this was a spiritual reality and not so much a physical one. These girls were already becoming painfully aware of their outside selves, and you knew what that did to you. You just wanted to un-see it. It took you back to that place.
    Our conscious picture of ourselves changes us spiritually, and that leads to destructive behaviour. The ego is a spiritual opening that allows a spiritual overlay to control us.
    When under the influence of this, we are harmful to ourselves and we don’t even know why we do it. We get a little knowledge, and we get a little trust in the Almighty, and it clears up a bit, but it is not completely gone.
    The spirit hangs on. It relentlessly repeats the lie that you are what it made you under the influence of your over-ego-satisfied self… anorexic, ED sufferer. But it is not you. It is the spirit that came inside with the over attention to your being.
    The same way it came in is the same way it will go out. Recognize it is there and give it no space to operate, like during the times when you forget to think about it. Give the thing to Christ. Simple as that. He will take it. It’s over, and you will no longer define yourself by a label.
    Now the only thing you can refer to yourself as is an overcomer, and a contented one at that. 😉

    1. Thank you for this beautiful reflection. You’re so right-Christ will take it all. He will take it and free us from it. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  31. I love this post. Such a good, important word for each of us to remember! Also, yes about the girl from The Ring. Wish I could unsee that for sure. Love your writing! Blessings,
    Yvette

  32. Thank you for sharing your struggle. Yes, we don’t get to unlearn things, but I think when the Lord works He takes the sting out of memory. The memory stays so we can avoid and help others avoid like you did in your post.
    Keep on planting those seeds,

    Gary

  33. The “too heavy” meme caught me. It’s like the old joke of a patient who tells her doctor, “It hurts when I do this.”

    The doc says, “So don’t do that.”

    Lots to unlearn. Whether it’s a memory of something I did, or something that someone else did. Sometimes it catches our attention and dominates our mental landscape no matter what we do.

    Often, it’s our favorite little Beany Baby that we embrace and caress, even when it hurts. Just because we don’t know how to unlearn that painful sort of “comfort.”

    I pray “Cindy” will not be long influenced by that behavior. I’m sure that, with you modeling healthy behaviours and attitudes, she’ll unsee that before long. You’re God’s gift to the kids and the family.

    1. Hey Jeff! Hah oh yes I now that joke well 😂 thank you so much for your kind words. You’re right, those things can definitely be beanie babies for comfort. I used to love those things as a kid! I had so many! Lol but how great to know that God will be our ultimate comfort. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  34. ❤️ This! It is so disturbing to witness what our society does to young women. I have felt insecure about so many aspects of my body for years! And to be totally honest, I still do, even though I know it’s ridiculous! It’s great to run a blog like this, girls need to know what really matters and how devastating the effects of society’s expectations can be. Thumbs up for your bravery and courage to share!

    1. Thank you so much Andy! So true-the media sends such harsh messages to young girls these days. It hurts my heart. I definitely feel you. It’s hard not get affected by these messages. Thank you for you kind words. Sending big hugs and love xox

  35. Wonderful post. I got a bit heavy-hearted toward the end when you stated that all the things we carry lay dormant in the background… because it hurts for me to think about it that way. I’m happy that your tone shifted toward the end with all the references to God. And you’re exactly right. Let’s “re-learn” that He is merciful. Thanks for posting! 🙂

    1. Thank you so much Naima! So glad it resonated with you. You’re right, it’s crazy how many things we have that are dormant in our hearts and mind. Amen to that – so merciful. I really appreciate your kind words. hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you Lorac. I appreciate it. Yeah I love NYC. Most of my other posts are love letters to NYC, I hope this didn’t come off negatively. It was not intended to!! Hugs and love xox

  36. I don’t know if this matches what you said here, but for some reason, this post made me think of it…

    A lot of us think that God is unapproachable because of what we have done in lives or because of who we are–criminals, drinking, doing drugs, etc. And we tend to think that in order to even approach God, we have to be perfect. That we have to be extraordinary in order to even follow Him. This isn’t true, but it’s a common way of thinking in Christianity. But the amazing thing is that God doesn’t want an extraordinary person, He wants an ordinary person that is willing to trust an extraordinary God. Which you are very much one of those people, from what I’ve read of those posts. God uses broken individuals to make His name known, and through those broken individuals, God’s love is magnified. I agree that I wish I could unlearn the things I’ve seen, heard, or done–but then I realize that without them, I could never ever fully appreciate the love that God showed at the cross. It’s like what Joseph said in Genesis to his brothers–what was meant for evil, God used for good. In most cases, we are like Isaiah, when he spoke of his dream in chapter 6–we see God and we fall to our knees because we just can’t handle it–but then he takes away our sin so that we might stand clothed in the righteousness of Christ.

    Do I understand your wish and desire to have your life’s experiences with anorexia removed? Very much. But just remember that through that dark time in your life, the light and love Christ was made known to you and that He wanted every bit of you to come as you are and experience what He had to offer. Just remember this: God asks us to let go of the things in our life that’s doing the most harm to us and He always replaces it with His love and all the blessings of Heaven.

    Good night and God bless 🙂
    -Tom

    1. Hi Tom, wow thank you for this absolutely beautiful response. I so appreciate you sharing your wisdom and insight. So many great examples here. Yes, God wants the ordinary:) thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

  37. We so dearly long to lay our burdens down at the feet of the cross. Yet, how often do we insist on shouldering them ourselves? Thank you for the good and gentle reminder. 🙂

    1. Thank you for this reflection Audrey. So very very true. Everyday we have to remind ourselves to just hand it over to Him. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

  38. Great article! I wish I too myself have Un-know esp at childhood! But you know what also reminds me of childhood? The Dunkinroos! I haven’t seen those in ages! I think I may have tried those once…I don’t think I liked them. But it’s still nostalgic!

    1. Hi friend, thank you for this reflection. Oh the lessons we learn the hard way are always bitter sweet-powerful lessons, but definitely cost a lot to learn. Sending big hugs and love xox

  39. Whoah! I went through a trying time this week myself. I honestly could relate to you wholesomely. My laundry list kicked my butt and I’m not proud of it. 😕 I’m so impressed that you’ve overcome anorexia, and brave enough to enlighten others with it. God gives his hardest battles to those who can teach from the lesson.

    1. Hi Rareity! Thank you for his. I’m glad it resonated with you. Gosh I’ve definitely had weeks like that, where my laundry list has it out for me! Haha thanks for your encouraging and kind words, as always:) grateful for you. Hugs and love xox

  40. Beautifully said. A lot of things I need to lay down at the foot of the Cross. Thank you for reminding me. And God bless your journey of healing.

  41. This is the most amazing piece I’ve read all week. I found an image on Pinterest with the words “and she walks through the world as she unlearns thousands of years of conditioning”
    Sigh. I’ve ended up doing exactly that, unlearning and unknowing things and situations that honestly do not have any place in my life.
    So thank you for this post, it makes me feel like I’m on the right path. 😘

    1. Oh my gosh, thank you so much Nurah! I so appreciate your kind words 🙂 wow what a powerful quote. Leave it to Pinterest to really tug at the heart strings! Thanks for reading! Hugs and love xox

  42. Such a good post with such a good message. That little girl is so lucky to have you watching over her and in her life! And also, now I think i’ll need some dunkaroos and capri suns in my life as soon as possible 😉

  43. I LOVE reading your blog. It’s so human, so honest. This post is perfect to get the day started. Out of all the things we wish we could un-know, you’re right, the best thing to re-know is that God is greater. And I want to re-know it again and again, as I delve deeper into his love. So, for all the things we wish we could forget, here’s to the best thing we do know- He is.

    Thanks for the great post!

    1. Hi celestial! Aw thank you so much:) you just brought a big smile to my face. Amen to that- God IS greater. What. A. Comfort. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  44. I look forward to reading your posts. You are genuine….I love that word to describe people. I have been described with that word and it’s humbling for me. Anyway, the blog hit home. Girls, women, define ourselves by a number on a scale, a glance in the mirror or storefront window. I’ve never gotten past it…..for all the “wisdom” I have gained thru my years on the earth I cannot get past “fat”. Looking fat, feeling fat, feeling insecure, refusing to wear certain clothing because I look fat. My view of “me” is screwed up…..the battle I fight! But I DO know God and we work thru it….daily sometimes. Love you young lady!! Keep up the writing, caring and sharing.

    1. Hi Suzanne! Aw that’s so kind of you to say. Thank you. I can definitely relate-the media is so hyper image focused. It’s definitely a daily battle to see through God’s eyes and not our eyes. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your heart. Hugs to you, my genuine friend 🙂 xx

  45. Reblogged this on and commented:
    This blog posting resonated with me… I’ve been thinking about it for several days – the authors words were powerful.

    As someone who will come in contact with and support young, impressionable people’s, it is so important to know that your words and actions can have adverse effects.

    While this is being applied to a debilitating condition from one authors perspective – I think we should all take a moment to think about the things in our life we wish we could un-know; simply because it’s against the backdrop of an eating disorder doesn’t mean the lesson here can’t span beyond.

  46. This is wonderful! Yes there are many things that are worth “un-knowing” from younger years (like how obese and inactive I was) but on the other hand if we throw it all out we can sometimes forget how much those things taught us to make improvements for today. I’m not saying dwell on them or pine over them until they make us crazy, but sometimes its good to say “I don’t want to go back to that.” One thing is for sure, I’m glad I have come to know you and you are amazing!!

    1. Thank you so much MiguelTio! That is such a great attitude to have. Knowing that you’ve moved on and are not going back. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  47. Thank you for the reminder that there “is a Fount where sins are washed away. A Fount where night is turned to day. Burdens are lifted. Blind eyes made to see. At the wonder working Fount of the blood of Calvary..” The truth Satan wants us to never forget or release holds us in bondage to fear, regret, disappointments, resentment, anger, sorrow. Jesus wipes it all away. Whoever is in Christ is a new creature. Old things are passed away. Look! Everything is brand new!

    Reblogging! ♡♡♡

    1. Hey Jan! Oh mygosh thank you so much for your kind words. Amen to that-Jesus wiles it all away. What a comforting thought! And thanks again for the reblog! Hugs and love xox

  48. I am forever in awe at the incredible topics you come up with and so eloquently write about… God’s definitely using you to help people through your writing and willingness to share so honestly. Wow!
    This blog post was spot on!!

  49. There are so many things I wish I could un-learn or un-know, and Cindy’s situation is just heartbreaking. Children should not have to learn those things. They should be happy just being them, without responsibilities or any life obstacles, but then again, adults should not have to know these things either. We just pick things up and they do scar us. It’s really unfair and really cruel, but it’s inevitable. If Cindy didn’t learn it in that moment, then she would have definitely learned it as she grew up. It’s unbelieveable, there has to be someway to stop it. Kids are supposed to be innocent and naive little things.

  50. I just love your blog. Thanks for allowing your vulnerability (and your humor) to help others find healing. You are a gifted writer.

  51. Great post! Realizing that relatives 30 years older than me were still struggling with hating the way they looked and obsessing over food gave me the push I needed to get help for an eating disorder. I didn’t want it to take over my life for longer than it already had.

    Also, you literally made me laugh out loud with that perfectly placed Forrest Gump gif!

  52. Very good article. It’s funny how there is so much we’d like to re-remember as vividly as we’d like to forget or un know that we never seem to be able to. 🙂
    Sometimes that severe emphasis on healthy eating can be as damaging for a child’s body image later on as eating badly. Balance is the key.

  53. Thanks so much for another thought-provoking entry. In light of some of the disturbing events involving the police and their interaction with ethnic citizens taking place last week, this statement really resonated with me: “We all have things we wish we could unsee or unknow.” Above the statement was one of your lovely poster art pieces that so clearly communicated a hopeful possibility with dark clouds and lightning contrasted with a rainbow with the words “Cling to hope” positioned in between.” I appreciate so much your artwork.

    Thanks again for the likes on Dr. J’s Apothecary Shoppe.

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