Lessons from a 93 Year Old

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I had one of those experiences last night that’s going to stick with me for a long time.

Sunday night. 7:30pm. And I was going to a church I had never been to.

I moseyed in the back and found a seat in the second-to-last row, just off the aisle.

Mass started. We were about 15 minutes in, and the priest was giving the homily.

And this old man hobbled in. He was at least 90, hunched over his cane, shuffling along. And he plopped down right next to me.

Now, how can I put this delicately…his entrance was not…shall we say…discrete.

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As an elderly gentleman, his hearing was obviously going, because what he thought were whispers, actually were yells.

Is someone sitting here!? What day is it!? September 4? What’s the page number?

Now, if you’ve never been to Catholic mass, disruptions are…rare and…unwelcome.

People were looking back with pursed lips and furrowed brows, trying to see who this rude disruptor was.

Meanwhile, I was just trying to sink into my seat and keep this man quiet. I got the Missalette open to the correct page for him and quickly whispered the answers to his questions. I even nodded along when he would add a loud interjection about what the priest was talking about.

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I hate to admit it, but my initial response was so superficial and selfish. I was hoping people wouldn’t think he was with me. I was just praying to myself, Oh God, please just make him keep his mouth shut!

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But during mass, I felt my heart soften towards this man. Here he was, he had to be 90+. Alone, on a holiday weekend. Granted he didn’t smell the freshest, but he had a plaid collared shirt on, pressed kakis, and neatly combed hair.

I could only imagine what he thought of me, showing up to mass in my short shorts and sleeveless top.

But it was at the “sign of peace” (where you shake hands with those around you) that I really got a good look in his eyes. No one was shaking his hand, as he was seated and hunched over, and I kinda bent down and positioned my face to be in line with his face, and those eyes pierced my heart. They were so kind and warm, definitely not deserving of the harsh thoughts I was previously thinking.

Cue the Catholic guilt…

But after mass, as I was gathering up my things, getting ready to leave, he said to me, “Thank you for helping me.”

And I looked at him, smiled and said…”You’re welcome, sir. Have a great night.”

And as I turned to go, I felt his eyes following me. He was still sitting down, and I looked over my shoulder, and I saw that he had twisted his body to watch me walk away. And he had this expression on his face that seemed like…he had something to say. Like he was wanting to chat.

So I went back over, and sat down next to him. “What’s your name, sir?”

And this man lit up. He shook my hand and introduced himself…with his full name.

When I told him mine he says, “Oh, that’s a movie star name.”

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But he told me about how he loves to come to mass, and that he had heard about Mother Theresa’s canonization on the news. He was 93 years old and had a “long walk” from his apartment to get to church….why he was late. It was clear that this man was hungry for some human interaction…someone to talk to.

And as I was walking home, I just couldn’t stop thinking about that man. I could feel my heart just swelling. Melting. Breaking almost. That was someone’s dad. That could be my dad one day in the far future. 

And I found myself just so convicted that I had judged that man so harshly when he walked in. He was doing his best to get to church, and God bless him for making that walk by himself at 93 years old.

And my whole day turned around, just having that little interaction. I was filled with so much gratitude for my own dad, and my heart was so warm and touched after conversing with that man, who had such a kind and gentle spirit.

It just goes to show that truly, if you give a little, you get a lot.

All I did was have a little 2 or 3 minute conversation, and what I got in return was a new perspective. I got love. I got a feeling of gratitude. I was so blessed by this man.

Anywho, I just wanted to share that story. Not to toot my own horn, and proclaim how pious and charitable I am…Please, that is the last thing I am.

That interaction is going to stick with me for a long time.


Because no matter how old we get, deep down, we all need love. And love is reciprocal. You give a little. Get a lot.

 

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333 thoughts on “Lessons from a 93 Year Old”

  3. This was a beautiful post, isn’t it amazing how you can give a little and receive so much? I mean that isn’t the reason to give but it’s amazing.

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  6. Great post! Reminds me of the verse from a John Prine song about old people “waiting for someone to say hello in there” on our walk of faith I pray our hearts will be open to those God wants us to meet.

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  8. What an awesome thing to happen to you! I absolutely loved talking with my Grandfather (similar to your experience) as he had so much wisdom and truth to share it was hard to keep up with him. I visited him every weekend during the last year he was with us to bring him a 6-pack and a cigar and we talked until that cigar was gone. He was 84 when he passed and as far as I knew, had a 6-pack and a cigar every weekend since he was in his late teens. Older people are awesome, in fact, the ones that get to the point where the “filter” stops working are the most adorable!

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  10. Reblogged this on Beyond Halfway and commented:
    Carolyn at Beauty Beyond Bones recently wrote about an encounter with an old man at church. He arrived late, sat next to her, and created a fuss while trying to settle in and get caught up with the service. Carolyn helped him, but was unhappy that he had intruded and fearful that others might associate him with her. Things turned around for her, as you’ll see when you read the post. There is an innocence and guilelessness about the elderly that enables them to be an icon, a window into the nature of God. I hope that, should I become an old, befuddled man some day, I can be the sort of blessing to others that this old man was to Carolyn.

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  14. What a lovely story. Thank you for doing that because you made the world a little bit better through your kindness. If we could all slow down for a while we might have the time to notice others in need.

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  15. Beautiful post! I could totally relate to this, and could feel myself in mass sitting next to that man. It’s wonderful how you went back to talk to him. I’m sure you made his day. Loved this!

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  16. Yea, I’m getting to be like that old man. But I’m only 49 (and holding). I walk 2 miles to where I go to church. Few people ever offer me a ride home. The men don’t like me there, I guess because I try and dress up because I don’t like to go around in my cut offs like everyone else. I try and dress like a lady with nice dress and hair done up. I guess they think I’m looking for attention….and sometimes I am because my husband divorced me and I have to live alone. I have no one to love me. I have to grow old alone. No one to share life with. So yes, it’s for that little bit of human interaction that I go, and people most of them men don’t want me there to be honest and don’t want to even offer me something to drink. I feel unwanted and rejected, but I keep going for the ones who *are* nice to me.

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    1. Hi there friend, thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry you are feeling that way. Know that there are definitely people who want you there. I know that you are a blessing to me and I am grateful for your friendship:) keep being you, because it’s awesome and the right people will see and appreciate that:) sending so many hugs And love xox

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  17. I am enjoying a few moments of watery eyes, very happy for you. We will all be old one day and will need exactly what you gave; Time, in a busy world that blows right on by the slow movers. Well done!

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  18. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story. I’m so glad you took the time to touch that old man’s life. It makes me want to look for opportunities to do the same thing. Very inspirational. Be blessed

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  19. I LOVE reading your posts! This is a beautiful interaction. I love giving out communion and looking at the hands that accepts Jesus’ body. I pray that He looks out of my eyes to each person and I love the different types of hands that come before me. Young and plump. Wrinkled and arthritic. Soft or rough. All treasured. Like you are my dear!

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    1. Oh my gosh thank you so much Vicki! Wow what a powerful way to see being a Eucharistic minister. Oh my gosh that is getting me choked up. You are such a beautiful spirit. Thank you for blessing me with this tonight! Massive hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  20. This made my evening! 🙂 Love in the little ways goes a long ways indeed…I have many of these ‘moments’ I call them ‘God appointments’ and they do indeed change all around…kindness is free and when it’s from the heart it truly does change the sphere around us…

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  21. God bless you young lady. Trust me, you did as much, if not more, for him as he did for you. You treated him with kindness & respect. Apparently not many of those other Fine folks had…”Hold’em Hook”…..BG>

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  23. Loved this post..such a sweet gesture of yours towards the man..appreciate it …and the line just give little and you will get a lot, I have even experienced such moments of joy..giving inner peace and satisfaction ….you rock ..Tc.

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  24. This is awesome. Too often we people judge outward appearance, but we have an awesome God who doesn’t. Jesus intentionally welcomed in all the outcasts, poor, sick people. Jesus himself was born to a poor couple in a cow stall. Perhaps this tells us something about how God intended to reach the world. Thanks for sharing this story BBB 🙂

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  25. Inspiring post. I love it. This has happened to me before and I guess my lesson learnt was not to judge people. So thanks for d post

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  27. Reminds me of the Memorial Day service years back when, on my way out of church, I bouncily greeted an old man in a wheelchair, and asked “So what are your plans for Memorial Day.” He rather gruffly informed me that “You don’t get to make many plans when you live in a home!” Instant guilt feelings, which I swamped by asking him if he’d like me to visit … Instant dismay when he said yes.

    So the Hubbit and I showed up the next day … I think we took cookies. He wasn’t expecting us, didn’t really know what to do with us. We didn’t know what to say to him, as he sat there picking dried porridge off his face. I felt pretty depressed as we left. It wasn’t actually a bad place, where he was staying … just sterile, you know? And he was clearly lonely.

    Anyway, I went back. He was so thrilled to see me! Over time we became friends. I visited him once a week and sometimes gave him a ride to church, and the home started calling me when he had a doctor appointment because he liked that better than going on the special bus. He died a few years ago. I still miss him.

    You could do that, you know, for your old man. If you wanted to. Just saying… 🙂 They’d probably be able to give you his contact information if you asked the church.

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    1. Oh, and just to explain, NO I am not one of those visiting types. I barely visit my own friends! And I don’t have any special liking for old people. But I guess God kinda dumped Norton in my lap, and I found I liked having him there. So not trying to guilt you or anything … it was just a suggestion … or an encouragement, in case you’d already thought of it but thought it would be weird.

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      1. Well … thank you, but I wasn’t actually motivated by kindness so much as by shame. The bleak honesty of his response – no self-pity, just “Get real, lady” in tone – made me aware of how blessed I was, and at that time I wasn’t sharing a whole lot of the blessings. Kindness came later… It grew out of friendship, and it was mutual… 🙂

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  28. Whatever the religion, there are faithful busy ignoring commandment 9 and the various versions of “judge not lest ye be judged” (like, for instance, attend to the plank in your own eye rather than the speck in mine or the stone-casting one).
    It was great that you recognized that this fella was STILL doing his best, at 93, to show up and publicly demonstrate his faith. Good job!

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  30. This post is so full of love and kindness for someone you spoke with for only a few mins. God reveals Himself in many different ways and the kindness you showed this man is definitely inspiring ❤

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  33. Wow… A lot of feelings welling up here. Making me a bit misty. This past year is the first time I’ve really felt old. With my health history, I must admit anything can happen anytime. My brain feels young. My thoughts feel young, but the machinery isn’t doing too hot. And I spend so much time traveling, seeing no one but business related folks, I’ll always pray I get a friendly waitress that evening. Just to chat for a few seconds and feel like someone other than a salesman.

    I have nothing on Norton, but I get him. And your comment about his eyes especially caught my attention. In my novel, The Substance Hoped For, I wrote a scene of Mary & Joseph meeting Simeon at the temple when they were there for Jesus’ ceremony:

    “Simeon next faced Mary, who held Jesus tightly to herself. She saw his face and the years that it wore. She was a long while getting past the long, white beard and sallow, wrinkled skin. She looked beneath the grizzled eyebrows and caught her breath. His eyes! They were so unlike the rest of him! They were strong and warm and loving and… they were young! They shone and twinkled and smiled at her.”

    Not too far off from your description of Norton, eh?

    Tonight’s Patreon kickoff is great! I hope you got my last email. I don’t want you to think I left yesterday’s post without a comment. 🙂 All the best to you and your continued success on all fronts!

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    1. Hey Jeffrey! Thank you so much:) yeah the traveling life is hard on a lot of fronts. Now I know how to specifically pray for you: a friendly waitress:) wow what a powerful passage. I would love to read your book someday:) thanks for be in your awesome self:) Hugs and love xox

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      1. Well, I try to be awesome. I just ask myself, “What would Beauty do?” 🙂 And if you’re going to pray for a nice waitress, might as well ask for a brunette with great eyes. LOL. 🙂

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  35. My grandfather is 90 years old and a widower. The love of his life left him two years ago this month. For him going to church can be a bit difficult because of his age. He also needs human contact from people not of his family. You were gracious to that gentleman and Jesus was smiling I know.

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  38. “He had no beauty or majesty that we should be drawn to him” (from Isaiah 53). So often, Jesus has come to me in the unattractive, the easily dismissed, the overlooked. He is the original diamond in the rough 🙂 Paul also says not many of those called are noble, strong, or wise, yet God has chosen the weak & foolish to bring to nothing the things that are (1 Cor. 1:26-31). God bless!

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  42. I really enjoyed this post! It is one of my pet peeves that as a society we tend to ignore the elderly and they spend too much time alone in their thoughts. I have often wondered how many of them are senile simply because they are alone too much, and how many of them really wouldn’t be that way if they hadn’t spent so much time in their own world. I also don’t like it when you go with an older person to the Doc and the Doc starts talking to you when you are not the patient and there is nothing wrong with the patients mind. I feel that is a grave disrespect to the older person. After all, we all get old, if we are blessed, and we should think ahead to how we would like to be treated. Also I want to tell you that I find it awesome that at your age (not intending to speak down to you at all on this, but some things are learned as you get older) you were able to overcome your embarrassment at becoming the center of attention because of someone who is next to you! Bravo! As you get older and older you will find that what used to be embarrassing is down right funny! One of my children once climbed under a church pew and shouted out “Be Quiet! BEEE Quiet!” in a very strange voice to a very loud and screaming type of minister. The timing was very embarrassing because there was a miniscule (can’t spell it!) gap of silence in the minister’s sermon! Time stood still at that moment, then I heard a bunch of snickering from my fellow congregants! We were all thinking the same thing as the kid, but dared not say it! My cheeks I am sure were completely aflame..now I tell that story and even then after it was over I found it highly amusing. Another lady at our church used to yell out corrections to the minister during his sermon…he took it very well (different minister and church) and even answered her. I really admired him for that! I am so glad that you had this moment with the elderly gentleman! Good for you!

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    1. thank you so much for this beautiful reflection, Cheryl. I know it wasn’t funny at the time, but i can just picture the scene with your child at church! thank you for sharing! you’re right – the elderly definitely deserve our utmost respect 🙂 thank for stopping by! hugs and love xox

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  44. I am not really sure how to say this but with my background, I have gone to churches of various denominations, CRC, Baptist, and yes Catholic, to name a few, believe me those looks are thrown at all of them and I have gone to a couple where some of the parishioners aren’t afraid to tell you to be quiet and worse, “Oh yes you heard me” I have seen my share of all the best of both sides while they are in church. There are some in my past who have brought themselves all dressed up in three piece suits women in their dresses ect. but forgot their brains at home on the pillow their mouths and attitudes said they had left something at home or maybe their underwear both men and women alike were in a bunch.

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    1. Hey friend! Thanks for this reflection. You’re right-I think judgment is alive and well in every church, school, business, on the street-you name it. It’s our default as humans. It’s always a lot easier said than done to try not to, you know? So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  49. It’s really heartwarming and emotional story at the same time.. I am glad I got the chance to read it.. I wish if you had shared a real picture of him and you or just him, it would be so lovely to see whom I just imagined.. great post.

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