On Being Strong

Sitting here in my airplane seat, 30,000 feet above the earth, I don’t know if it’s the actual closer proximity to God, or the thinning of oxygen in the air, but for the first time in a week, I am able to breathe. Able to think. Able to remove myself from the whirlpool of emotion and chaos at home and literally take a look from the outside in.

And for the first time all week, I have just been able to let the tears flow. Not caring about the onlookers, or the corner-of-their-eye-peekers. Now is the first time when I’ve been able to slouch my spine and not be strong.

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There’s a surge that comes over your body during times of distress. My mind is remembering the verse about the Holy Spirit interceding for us when we don’t know how to pray with wordless groans – and forgive me, I’m too exhausted to scour the online bibles to get the exact verse, but just trust me on this one.

Because not only do I know it’s in there…but I’ve lived it.

I’ve experienced it. First hand.

I think if we’re all being honest with ourselves…I mean, really, painfully honest…our faith life can ebb and flow. We can be really on fire, or sometimes just lukewarm. Maybe that makes me a bad Christian. But hey, coming from the young woman unabashedly crying right now in public (and in front of a cute guy, I might add)…I clearly have no shame right now. No dignity to lose.

All it takes is one life altering event, and there you are, face down in the dust, grasping for the coattails of Jesus’ robe.

Something happens. And I don’t know how to describe it, but over the past few difficult days here, I have never felt so close to God. Have I been scared? Yes…shitless. Have I been sad? Angry? Confused? Discouraged? Exhausted? Panicked? Shocked? Heart broken? Yes…all of the above.

But somehow, someway, I have gotten through it. I have been strong. I have done the next right thing, said what needs to be said, offered support and comfort and love. All while I’m falling apart on the inside.

But I’ve been upheld.

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And in fact, I’ve been drawn closer to the Father.

By none of my doing, I might add.

I think you all know by now the struggle I’ve battled with feeling worthy. After my anorexia, believing and claiming my self worth has been a constant battle. And sometimes, that even extends to my faith – I often don’t feel worthy to lift my face to Jesus and pray. I go to church, but I’ll feel as though I don’t deserve to even be in His presence. That I’m a phony. A hypocrite.

This week, though I still feel that in my mind, it’s like Jesus is working the master command and has done a manual override on those thoughts and feelings. He has just been carrying me through this time, without my asking, without my awareness. He’s getting me through, minute to minute.

For the first time in a long time, I felt that freedom of prayer from an unstained heart. I prayed, and I wasn’t being suppressed by the internal dialogue of conviction and unworthiness.

I was whispering directly into the ear of the Father.

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I don’t know, this post is now pretty….well, it’s out there. I blame Delta for slipping me a roofie in my club soda.

There are times in life when we are strong. And times in life when we need someone to be strong for us. And then, there are those rare occasions where being strong is the only option, regardless of how we may be. And it is in those rare moments that if we take a second to recognize, we realize that our strength is coming entirely from an outside entity. And maybe, if we concentrate hard enough, we’d realize that we’re actually not standing at all…but being held.

Everyone’s had that experience of caring for an intoxicated friend. You get them dressed for bed, help them brush their teeth/take off makeup/wash their face/get them a glass of water and a trash can by their nightstand…you literally do everything for them. And then leave. And they wake up in the morning, not knowing how they got all safe and sound in their bed, completely taken care of. Well, that’s what God’s done with me.

He doesn’t ask. He just does. Steps in.

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Going forward, things will be challenging. New. Uncharted territory. But I’m grateful to have wonderful friends like you along for every step of the way.

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330 thoughts on “On Being Strong

  1. a lot of positive and strong thoughts in what would seem like a moment of vulnerability. you got me thinking about the source of my strength in good times and bad. we should take the time to think about and value that more

    1. Thank you so much, my friend. Yes, we have a pretty rock solid source of strength. One that is strong for us, even when we don’t know how to ask. Thanks for stopping by. big hugs xox

  2. I know your handling of the situation was a success because while your “face was in the dirt” you still noticed the “cute guy” in front of you. Breath deep breaths. God is good.

  3. Romans 8:25-27 – “But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” I love this post…

    1. OOOHH Yes!! thank you so much!!! I appreciate you looking that up. I mean, wow — what a powerhouse verse. When we realize that God in His infinite wisdom knew that we would sometimes not know what to pray for, so He took care of that! God is good! hugs to you xox

      1. Raised a Roman Catholic, I was taught to “pray.” I now know that prayer isn’t what you say or a thing to memorize, but a place you arrive; a state you achieve. I don’t pray as much as I seek to be “prayerful.” It is being aware of His grace and allowing that to flow through you in thankfulness. It’s hard to explain, but I know it when I’m there… Love your writing.

  4. Take care my friend and blessings and prayers to you. I could really use some this way also. It has been a difficult time. This time of year should be so happy and full of Joy and Hope, but despair, sadness and defeat rule to often. I feel beaten down and am holding on by a string, I have been turning to God more to keep me sane and from doing something stupid. Thank you for always sharing.

    1. Thank you so much for the prayers, my friend. I will definitely keep you and yours in my as well. I’m so sorry to hear that you are feeling that way. Know that I am in your corner. Always 🙂 Massive hugs to you friend. hang in there xox

  5. This. “And maybe, if we concentrate hard enough, we’d realize that we’re actually not standing at all…but being held.” Beautiful. I’ve been there and it is true. (and the Spirit groaning on our behalf is Romans 8:26 🙂 ) I’m not sure what is going on but prayers are being said.

    1. Thanks Deanna, wow, what a kind comment. Oh! Romans 8:26! THANK YOU!! 🙂 yeah, I will share what is going on when I am given the green light to. It’s not really my story to tell, if you know what I mean. But I will fill you in when I can. Thank you for the prayers. It means the world. big hugs xox

    1. Hey Benjamin, thank you so much for sharing this. I guess I just realized that there was *no way* I could have been doing it all on my own. Jesus was literally the only way I could have gotten through it all. I guess that’s how 🙂 Ebbs and flows happen, but God is unchanging 🙂 that always gives me comfort. thanks for stopping by. big hugs to you my friend xox

  6. Take care sweetie. 😊 It’s perfectly normal to have a wavering faith in God. Mine sure is. I don’t think that makes you any less of a believer; it just makes you human. We’re not always courageous badasses riding into the sunset. Before I forget, I mentioned you in my blog post today, you should check it out! I got really inspired by your last post where you said to try something drastic.

    1. Thank you so much 🙂 hahaha badasses riding into the sunset…I have such an awesome visual right now. thanks for making me chuckle 🙂 🙂 🙂 Oh awesome! I can’t wait to check it out!! massive hugs to ya girlie xoxox

  7. Trust me on this! You are not a bad Christian! God loves you so much and as you wrote this post, God’s Holy Spirit was touching your heart. Holy Spirit is always with you. I am so proud of you! I write about my depression now and then on my blog to share my walk of faith with all my stumbles and falling short! You are in my prayers! And be assured God hears every word of your prayers! Thank you for being you!

    1. Thank you so much Rick! What a kind thing to say. I am seriously so touched. And thanks for the prayers. They are greatly greatly appreciated. God is good, and I am grateful for you and your friendship 🙂 xox

  8. I hear ya. Mine are like peaks and valleys and sometimes trying to climb back up seems impossible. You already know what I’m going to say next, He’s got your back. You will rise and overcome! God bless.

    1. Thank you so much John. Yes, He *does* definitely have our backs. Thanks for this encouragement. No matter the peak or valley, God is always the same, pouring out his unending love 🙂 big hugs to you xox

  9. Super excellent, inspirational, encouraging article for me to read at this precise moment in my life. Yes, I’m literally being carried right now down a new, uncharted course … no options. But I know who’s in the driver’s seat. The Lord simply moved me aside, into the passenger’s seat, and took the steering wheel… Now we’re traveling down this road and I can’t seem to see anything, BUT I know who CAN see perfectly. And this is purposeful and my Driver knows precisely the right destination… I just have to wait, pray and trust. Again, thank you for this deeply heartfelt, soul-deep, brutally honest blog article! God bless you!

    1. Thank you so much 🙂 I’m glad this came at the right time!! isn’t is comforting to know that we don’t have to drive and that God is in control. It’s so difficult to trust in times of trial, but sometimes, that is the only option — especially when we realize that we’ve been being carried all along. praying for you 🙂 hugs xox

  10. Stay strong my friend. Have faith in the Almighty and things will eventually get sorted. And of course, you have friends like us who will walk with you all the way 🙂

    1. Thank you so much Sreekumar, I appreciate this note of kindness. So true– I can’t begin to express how grateful I am for the wonderful friendships on here. It is a beautiful thing that I am very thankful for. big hugs xox

  11. Hey, I’ve been were you are and I’m still being sustained minute by minute. Please don’t feel unworthy of his presence, God loves you. Stay wrapped and tied up in Jesus! I love that song!!

  12. Nice post. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability.We need never to be ashamed of our weaknesses, for it is in our weakness that God gives us strength. Remember what Jesus said ” it is the sick that need a Doctor”(Mark 2:17), and we have the best Dr… Dr Jesus Christ, and faith is the only co-payment required.

    “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

    God bless you.

    1. Thank you so much for this kind note of encouragement. So so true – when we are weak, He is strong. What a beautiful and comforting thought. thanks for this uplifting comment. hugs xox

  13. As often happens with your posts, this one comes at an interesting time for me. Yesterday I was reading through Luke 5 and read verse 8 which says ‘When Simon Peter realized what had happened, he fell to his knees before Jesus and said, “Oh, Lord, please leave me—I’m such a sinful man.”’ and I could totally identify with Simon Peter’s feelings of unworthiness. Reading on further Jesus says “I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent.” (verse 32). One of the things that Jesus wants from us is the humility to know that we are not perfect because then it opens the doors for him to work in our lives. When we are weak, he gives us strength. When we are fearful he gives us hope. Your vulnerability and openness is the doorway for God to do awesome things in your life, and I know that as you step into this uncharted territory He will be there to guide you through!

    1. Hi Tim, thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection. Oh wow, yeah, me too, i can totally relate to that feeling of just wanting Jesus to leave me alone with my shame and sinfulness. But you’re right — we need to allow Him to work in our lives. What a comforting thought that is. thanks for the encouragement. big hugs xox

  14. I love how you described/compared God stepping in and holding us up, making us safe, to us helping an intoxicated friend. It makes so much sense. He’s always there helping, even when we don’t realize or recognize it. So comforting!

    1. Thanks so much for this Jenny! yeah, I was reading over this this morning, and the vision of taking care of an intoxicated friend came to my mind, and I realized that God has been doing that for me! can’t take credit for that — He must have placed that image in my mind 🙂 glad you enjoyed the piece. hugs to you xox

      1. I was surprised! I clicked on your face and you started talking. I usually have Siri read your posts to me while I, work. Your words were nice to hear in Napa Valley. You have CS Lewis kind of, revelations. He wrote truisms about having faith even after losing his child. He wrote happy works too but his nonfiction on religion are my favorite books.

      2. oh wow, what a compliment. I am seriously so touched and humbled by that. I look up to CSL so much. Enjoy Napa Valley! I’ve always wanted to go 🙂 hugs xox

      3. Neat! I’ve done some tests on their stuff. Fetzer is my favorite it’s out of the way and hard to get too. I guess, like myself. haha I haven’t drank in years though, I’ll take your word for it. Keeps me employed. haha

  15. Dear Friend, you are a wonderful person. God loves you. I wanted to take this time to speak to your very heart. Let not your heart be troubled. God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love. Cast your burdens upon the Lord. He shall lighten your heavy load. A lot of the time, we as humans are weak and that’s ok because Lord said his grace is sufficient. Don’t look at this as a valley of despair. Look at this from the perspective of praising God for bringing out of the valley in advance. I have been in many, many valleys and even though I don’t always like them, I always learn to lean on Him during the difficult times. I praise when things are good, I praise him when things are not good. A thought of God can always make your mind be at peace. #Feed Your Faith and your fears will disappear. I’ll keep you in my prayers dear Friend. Remember for we war not against flesh and blood. Don’t let discouragement be a companion of yours. Each valley that we enter into as Christians it’s a testing time. It’s a time for you to grow your faith so you can be leaping from mountain to mountain. Lean not to your own understanding. Don’t rely heavily on your physical feelings. Allow the still small voice of the Lord to speak a love message to you and just continue to praise him for every sign of improvement.

    1. Aw, thank you so much my friend. What an incredibly kind note of encouragement. That is so comforting and empowering – His grace IS sufficient. You’re right, gotta listen for that still small voice. big hugs to you xox

  16. Thank you for sharing. I am familiar with that struggle of having felt unworthy. I’m not sure what the pivotal moment was when I completely accepted that we are all born worthy, including me. There is no need to earn God’s unconditional love. Jesus showed us this in his incredible acts of unconditional love for others. I pray that you come to know this with certainty. You are a light. This made me think of one of my favorite mantra’s: I sit back in to the arms of grace and let go and allow.

    1. Hi Anitra, thank you for this thoughtful reflection. Isn’t that such a comfort to know that we don’t have to earn His love 🙂 thanks for the beautiful reminder. big hugs xox

  17. God is so loving and gracious! I am filled with joy that you are experiencing His unending love during this emotionally difficult time.

  18. This is what I love about your posts/. So open and honest. We see inside you, pretty or not, and we see God’s plan unfolding in your life. He’s a good, good Father. And you are learning, and sharing, how He makes you and molds you through each process, however painful. And He always upholds us! Thank you!

    1. Thank you so much, Pete. You are so incredibly kind. Yes, He is a good Father, and I trust that He’s got me. And sometimes the growing process hurts, but amen – He upholds. hugs to you xox

  19. Thanks once again BBB… I haven’t blogged for a while now because of, well, life I guess? This type of honest, open and vulnerable post is exactly what my spirit needed to soak up for a good old-fashioned jump start.

    1. oh thank you so much. Yeah, I hear that! Life can definitely get in the way!! I’m glad that this hit home with you. thanks for the encouragement and I hope you can find a quiet moment to jot some thoughts down 🙂 hugs xox

  20. Ahhh, great post. You sound a lot like me. I so understand those feelings of unworthiness when it comes to faith.That is the whole point however, none are worthy not one, we all need Him. I was such a closet Christian for much of my life, wrestling with that very thing.

    I could really relate to this, “I go to church, but I’ll feel as though I don’t deserve to even be in His presence.” All in good fun here, but long ago there were a bunch of church scandals, TV pastors falling, imperfect Christians all around me, and God kept saying, still going to hide? He rained so many imperfect Christian people down on me, I finally cracked. If not you, who? God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

    1. Thank you so much, for this thoughtful reflection. You’re right — He qualifies the called. That’s a powerful way to put it. Thanks for sharing your story. You’re right – we all need Him. Glad you stopped by. big hugs xox

  21. I can’t imagine what it is that you’re going through but I do sense the feelings that you express having had similar feelings from trauma. Whatever it is whatever you are going through I thank you for sharing your heart and your struggle with honesty and guts.

    1. Thanks Denny, so much. I really appreciate your kind and encouraging words. Yeah, I will share more when I’m given the green light. It’s not really my story to tell. So glad you stopped by. big big hugs xox

  22. Beautifully put. God’s Love for us is all that matters. I could say more, but can’t right now. You speak for so many of us,

  23. Thank you for this post! ! ! ! ! I feel like you do more often than not. I feel like I’m failing, keep going to confession, Mass, still feel like I’m failing, then BOOM! back at it! Riding high! All is good! Repeat. Lol!
    In the end i know is all God’s will. He’s been there for me countless times, even at my absolute worst but he never has given up nor will He,so who am I to not feel good enough? We gotta keep our heads up high, my friend. You’re doing great! Thank YOU for keeping my levels straight too, Caralyn!

    Love and God Bless You!
    -David

    1. Hey David, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I’m glad it hit home with you. You’re right — repeat repeat repeat! 🙂 Can’t tell you how much I appreciate your encouraging words. big hugs xox

  24. You’re right Caralyn our faith life can ebb and flow, but I love how He takes our wreckage and makes something beautiful! And you know what, you writing this post is proof of that! BTW, have you heard the song “Mended” by Matthew West? If not check it out, I think you would love it. Peace and healing to you.

    1. That’s so true — He turns our wreckage into something beautiful. what a comforting thought. I haven’t!! I’ll have to check it out. thanks for passing it along 🙂 hugs xo

  25. Sending prayers for you. Remember Isaiah 40:28-31 Specifically I was thinking of verse 29 “He gives strength to the weak. And He gives power to him who has little strength.” May you find peace my friend. Much love to you.

  26. Well now I certainly appreciate that you were supported on your faith and all, but what gives? Nothing about those trials–And you know what I’m talking about–nothing about what transpired, nothing about the challenges. Oh boy, I hate to be negative nick, but I’m feeling cheated. Your usual bravery defying brutal honesty replaced with a lengthy post about being buoyed up by God. Don’t hate me for calling you out! You know I love you, which is why I hope you make this right. Not for me, but for you! Tsk tsk, and if I’m out of line feel free to soap me back into reality. This is not why you are blogginh am I right? Don’t be mad!

      1. Nooooo, I guess I misplaced my sensibility. I should have merely said I would have liked to read about what happened at home, because we knew the struggles face, and how God lifted you up. I’m sorry, I didn’t deliver my point very constructively, I didn’t mean to do it that way. I’m just way over tired, I should have waited until tomorrow like I was going to

      2. Oooh!! I gotcha now! Haha sorry for the crossed wires. Yeah, I will share more when I get the green light. It’s not really my sorry to tell, if you know what I mean. But as soon as I can, I promise I will:) sleep tight!!

      3. No, I should have just been straightforward, you know how I usually roll. Delete that first one lol

  27. Girly I totally relate! I know what God says about me, but I struggle with my worth too. I’ll be praying for you. God’s got you, just continue to let Him carry you! Hugs to you my sister in Christ! <3

  28. Your writing it’s beautiful. I love the faith you express. Thankfully, God is immutable and His love for us has no strings attached. How amazing to be so aware of His presence. You are worthy. Don’t ever doubt that. When God looks at those who are in Christ Jesus, that is who He sees. He doesn’t see our sin. You are perfect in His eyes.

      1. You know princess, just yesterday I was with with a friend. She is a young widow and three years ago when her husband died and I visited her after a while, I felt her so strong. That was a period of stagnant faith for me, so when I asked her how she pulled all that together and she told me it was God… I went like yeah whatever. So yesterday, she looked at me and asked me how I pulled all that together… I told her this: More than 3 times I have ignored God, he keeps sweeping me off my feet… He is the best! And we hugged deeped and praised God. I share this to say I feel you… I recently wrote a poem titled I know where you are coming from… And I also know how the Holy Spirit in us can inspire us to write stuffs which amaze even us later on. Peace and love princess

      2. Wow, a a powerful story. Thank you so much for sharing that. Yes, He does sweep us off our feet. Isn’t that suck a beautiful thing. And I totally feel you about being inspired by the Holy Spirit to write! Hugs to you friend xox

  29. Oh my dear friend (: I feel almost like just a speechless bystander here watching Father sing his love over you. He is so wonderful!
    I re-watched The Giver today and that moment when the Giver comes into the room where the community elders are about to euthanize Fiona and he starts telling them about the memories and the feelings and what it’s like to…love. And then Jonas steps through the memory barrier and it all comes back to them all in one big swirling wave of emotion and reality and ah… the feels become real and suddenly they are all complete like they never knew they could be. That’s about as close as I can get to explaining what it was like reading this tonight (:

    Anyway, I’m babbling now xD have a wonderful night (: rest well in Father this week

    1. Hey again Carson. 🙂 thank you, my dear friend. You wanna know a secret…I’ve never seen the giver! It sounds incredible from your description. But amen to that — love is powerful. And it conquers all. Yes, resting in the Father’s arms sounds like exactly what I need right now. Hope everything is well with you. 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      1. Bahaha me and my movie-examples. Actually I’ve heard the book(s?) is better though so *shrug*

        Everything is quite well with me – I could use some rest myself though! We just adopted an 8-week-old karelian bear dog puppy (possibly a maremma/kangal, I guess we’ll be able to tell a little better when he’s older maybe) and he is the most adorable thing! Also on Friday I’m somewhat solo-ing with the group of teens my wife and I have been leading out for after a month off and I’m super excited for what God’s got in mind for the new year 😀 but anyway! I could probably go on and on and on….well, you know.

      2. Hahah Oh my gosh!! Awww 😍😍😍😍 sounds adorable. What’s his name? Oh wow, good luck on Friday! Sounds like it will be quite the adventure 🙂 with God at the wheel, excitement is always in store! Hugs xox

      3. We finally begrudgingly settled on Baxter (begrudgingly because as much as it stuck I was sure there was a better name, haha, but nope, Baxter–like Buster Baxter)
        So Friday went super well and we got a really good response from everybody and wow Holy Spirit was just so all over that and I think we’re off to a really good start! 😀 Yay! Yes, always exciting, always an adventure (:
        Happy Sunday! (:

      4. Oh that’s AwEsOmE!!!!! 🎉🎉congratulations Carson. Yeah–allllways an adventure when the Holy Spirit is at the wheel 😎🤠 will keep you and your endeavor in my prayers 🙂 rock on! 😎

  30. When my dad suddenly died, I was hollow. But I knew I had to take care of arrangements for the family. This was my time when being strong was the only option. It still hurts now, but I have found perspective. When you find perspective and some comfort from this moment in time share it with us. For my situation, I love writing old stories about my dad. It makes me think about the fun times I had when he was in my life. Good post Caralyn as always. -Larry

    1. Hey Larry, gosh, I am so sorry that you had to go through that. What a powerful thing that you’re keeping his memory alive in your writing. I’m sure he’s looking down and smiling with love. Thank you for sharing this. Sending big big hugs xox

      1. Hey Caralyn, I wanted to share something Jesus put on my heart today, with you 😊.
        Today, I read through Genesis 8, and 9, talking about Noah and the Ark, after the flood had finally died down. Genesis 8:1 says something that caught my heart, this morning: “But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind over the earth,and the waters receded.”
        I don’t know why, but that phrase struck me: “But God remembered Noah…”. God “remembered or brought to mind”– as it translates in Hebrew– Noah, this man who had put his faith in Christ and obeyed him, and God made the waters recede. Noah and his family were important to Christ. So was the livestock in the ark, and so, God caused the waters to recede.

        I guess the point of why I bring this up, is to encourage you with this thought: just like Noah, God has you, and your family, on His mind. And, just like in Noah’s case, Jesus is working on your behalf.
        Life was never the same for Noah and his family, again. But God remembered Noah– even through Noah’s unfaithfulness, and sin (as Genesis 9 discusses Noah getting drunk and falling asleep, Naked), and worked on Noah’s behalf, giving him hope and a future.

        I pray this over you today, Caralyn. That you would be comforted by knowing that you, your family, and this situation is on Jesus’ mind, and in engraved on the palms of His Hands (Isaiah 49:16). All of this is in His Hands. Look to Him, and continue to draw near to Him.
        He will work on your behalf; you need only to be still (Exodus 14:14).

        Though we do not know each other well, I love you as a sister in Jesus, and am continuing to pray for you. Draw near to Jesus, Caralyn. May He continue to “hold you up.”

        With Love, In Christ,
        Annalee (bringbackhisgirls)

      2. wow, Analee. this is so beautiful. and powerful. Isn’t God amazing how you can read the same verse for your entire life, and then one day, God highlights a random word and then BAM it changes the entire meaning!? wow. i am so comforted by these words. thank you. with all my heart. and for the prayers. i am so grateful to have you in my life as a sister in Jesus, and friend 🙂 with gratitude, Caralyn

      3. It’s all Jesus, Caralyn!! “Oh what a Savior, Isn’t He wonderful? Sing Hallelujah, Christ has risen!” (“Come to the Altar, Elevation Worship). He amazes me each day. I pray we would walk with more and more dependence on Him, each moment of our days.
        I am so grateful and I thank Jesus for your friendship and being a sister, too 😄 Jesus bless you, girl.

  31. Thank you for the inspiration and the honesty in your words. It is good to be broken and humble before our God, for this the way of the cross. When we are empty of our own strength is when we are able to be strong with His strength. Good words. Great encouragement.

  32. Continued prayers for you in the Big Apple.

    Sometimes I think I have been down in the dirt of the pit so many times that God sighs and weeps mightily. Yet He lovingly picks me up, hugs me (dirt and all), and assures me of His love, tells me to go my way and sin no more. I just don’t wanna let Him down. I know my unworthiness & weakness; I need to remember His strength available thru Holy Spirit.

    God bless you.

  33. This is a beautifully honest and growth worthy post. I think this is how God wants us to be. Ironically, we think being a “good Christian” is saying and doing all the right things and never becoming weak, but when we are weak that’s when we are made strong … through Him. That’s when we are totally vulnerable and trusting to our Father. Otherwise, we are solely depending on ourselves and that is far from being a good thing. Our deep connection to Christ is built up when we are at our lowest, because we KNOW it was no one else but Him that carried us through. I pray that God will continue to keep you and mold you into the woman He wants you to be. You are wonderfully made and don’t ever forget it! God Bless and thank you, for being you.

    1. Thank you so much. Amen to that-when we are weak, He makes us strong. I really appreciate your encouragement. You’re right, He carries us. And I can’t begin to express how much your prayers mean. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Big hugs xox

  34. Whatever has come over you and your family, you will be in my prayers tonight. You are living proof that “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.” Living evidence.

    1. Hey Brandon, thank you so much for your prayers. I can’t begin to express how much that means. amen to that – that peace is guarding my heart. And I had nothing to do with that. That is His grace. Thanks for stopping by and for your encouragement. big hugs xox

  35. Fantastic read!! First off, happy 2017!! I hope that you had a wonderful holiday season!

    It’s been a rough time for many of us who are trying to walk with Christ day to day, myself most certainly included! But the solace we should take, just as you alluded to, is that Jesus is ALWAYS unashamed to step in and lift us up. Sins and faults be danged.

    We will always fall short. Always. But the beauty of grace is that it never lets up even when we do.

    1. Thank you so much 🙂 Same to you, Happy new year! amen to that – He will always uphold us. Even when we don’t ask. And even when we fall short. Thanks for stopping by and for the encouragement. big hugs xox

  36. Great thoughts. You express your struggle so well. Love the way you express God’s grace in Jesus in your life. I can identify with so much of what you say. Praying for you.

    1. 🙂 thank you so much:) you’re kind to say that. I am very grateful for the relationships in my life, that is definitely for sure. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

  37. Thank you for sharing your heart. I immediately think of God’s word in 2 Corinthians 12:9 that says: it is in our weakness that he is made strong. Continue to allow for the Lord to carry you and pour out his love upon you. You are loved by him and he will never leave you nor forsake you. You are worthy! Always combat The enemies lies with God’s truth. Pray your heart continue to be encouraged.

  38. Life will always bring, ‘new uncharted territory’ but you are ready, just keep holding on to the hand of the one that said he will never leave us or forsake us, I pray that his presence will give your heart a real touch of his love and peace. God Bless BB.

  39. Thank you for this! It helped me see I’m not alone in these feelings! It’s motivation to keep going and keep praying (I always do anyway). Sending hugs and prayers your way! Love and blessings too!

      1. You are strong.
        You are brave.
        You are beautiful.
        You are loved.
        (Things I have to remind myself…some times daily… Thought maybe you could use this reminder too.) 💜💜💜💜💜😘 hope you have a bleesed day!

  40. I completely understand how you feel, I feel it so often! Thank you for helping me realise I’m not alone. I hope everything gets better for you – much love!

  41. I immediately had to think of the song ‘Just be held’ by Casting Crowns when reading your blog. Thank you so much for sharing, and I pray God will keep holding you up and give you strength.

    1. Hi G! Thank you so much for the encouragement and prayers. It truly means so much. I’ve never heard that song! I’ll have to YouTube it:) have a beautiful day! Hugs and love xox

  42. We have an anchor that keeps the soul
    Stedfast and sure while the billows roll,
    Fastened to the Rock which cannot move,
    Grounded firm and deep in the Savior’s love.

    I pray God continues to give you strength. Anytime i’m down Travis Greene’s song “Made a way” lights my spirit.

  43. This is a wonderful post. God bless you as He upholds you in the storms of life. We are nearing Port, so keep the faith!

    Also, have you experienced the weekly Sabbath as the Father wants us to in His 10 Commandments? It is a weekly time to breathe that was designed for all humanity, even in Eden, before the Fall of Mankind. I am a Sabbath keeper myself, and it is wonderful. 🙂 It’s a weekly vacay so I don’t go cray cray.

    1. oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words. That’s so awesome. I do go to church every Sunday, so I guess I am a Sabbath keeper 🙂 but you’re right, that weekly time is really powerful. thanks for stopping by! hugs xox

  44. Good Morning. I don’t have any deep, insightful words to say here, but then again I don’t really think they are necessary because you have come to a wonderful realization on your own. 🙂 May Jesus continue to be the hand that carries you. I’m not sure exactly what is going on in your life, but it’s likely most of us have felt the same way, so please reach out. Hugs and love. God Bless.

    1. Thank you Julee. I really appreciate the encouragement and prayers. Thanks, yeah I will share more when I am given the green light. It’s not really my story to tell. But I will share more when I can 🙂 have a great weekend. Hugs and love xox

  45. Wonderful, encouraging words on this post. I just started getting your blog, but I can see you are beautiful inside and out. God bless you through 2017 so that each day you feel Him close to you.

  46. Great post! You always remind me of what is truly important and sacred in life. Purpose really doesn’t come in the grandiose, but in the things that live in our hearts. One of my truths in life is that when I turn over my pains, my weaknesses, my heart to Heavenly Father, it then allows Him to heal my hurts and strengthen my weaknesses. To turn all of my “baggage” over to God is one of the greatest expressions of faith I can make.

    1. Thanks Thunker:) you’re right- the small things in our hearts definitely illuminate our purpose. Amen to that – He is the ultimate healer. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

  47. God Bless and Strengthen you Caralyn. My guess is you have no idea how many people you help with your writing. Sharing your feelings, good and bad, when you are dancing around, or when you sit with a box of tissue nearby.
    The best part of your vulnerability then, is sharing how Jesus is always with you, helping you.
    I believe sincerely, today you touched many as you were whispering into your Father’s ear. To whisper into His ear, you are sitting on our Heavenly Father’s lap, and He is holding you near and dear with Love, as only He can. Many do not know of that close relationship they can have with God, and now they know. If you can have that, we all can, Praise Jesus.
    Thank you Dear Sister in Christ, you are a tremendous blessing. May our Father Bless you Abundantly with Strength, Wisdom, Discernment, Peace and Joy, also empowering you with His Spirit, as you serve Jesus Christ, and all whom you encounter, in His Name.

    1. Thank you so much George. Wow, you are such an encourager. Thank you. I am seriously so touched and humbled by your kind words.And thanks again for the prayers. God is good, and I pray that these words resonate with even one person, that they may not feel alone in this world. hugs and much much love to you xox

  48. A really great post and honestly it is somewhere we all reach in our faith walk and you are not a bad Christian for going through it, it is something that all Christians go through.
    We all go through periods where a heavy situation or situations can start to wear us down and sometime we really don’t know what to pray and what to say to God but it is amazing when you just come into his presence without the right words how clearly He can hear you crying out to him and knows exactly where you are and what you are seeking.
    I have always believed that these are the defining moments in our faith. It is easy to be a Christian during the high moments where we feel so on fire and passionate for God but the low moments show us that we are incapable of making it in our own strength and we have to draw close to God to make it through the situation. These tough time strengthen and refine our faith and in the end draw us into a closer relationship with God.

    Like the Casting Crowns song says, sometimes we need to stop holding on and just be held.
    Prayers for you! Keep striving forward because you are doing amazing job and inspiring so many people and you have so many people following the story of your life and are rallying behind you.

    1. Thank you so much! what a kind and encouraging note. You’re right, He always know exactly where our hearts are and what we need. God is so incredibly good. thanks for the prayers. greatly appreciated, my friend. massive hugs xox

  49. Thank you for your honesty and transparency in this post. That our God is at work in you is clearly evident. Sharing that work is encouraging to many of us. Stay focused on your God, and walk in communion with Him today.

    Timothy Denney

    Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them. – W. Clement Stone

    Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant – Robert Louis Stevenson.

    On Thu, Jan 5, 2017 at 5:59 PM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “Sitting here in my airplane seat, 30,000 feet > above the earth, I don’t know if it’s the actual closer proximity to God, > or the thinning of oxygen in the air, but for the first time in a week, I > am able to breathe. Able to think. Able to remove myself from” >

  50. Praying for you, my beautiful friend. I recognise the place you are in, and the beauty of the truth you have found of just being held by Him.

    When my Dad was unexpectedly ill I remember driving the 70 mile round trip to visit him in hospital day after day. Every trip I was praying as I drove. Declaring God’s promises over the situation. When the doctors told us he was terminal and had just days to live – quite a shock when up until 4 weeks previously we didn’t even know there was something wrong – I made that same drive in tears. But still praying. Some friends couldn’t understand why that didn’t shake my faith. Why I wasn’t angry at God.

    At the end of the day all good things come from God, all bad from our enemy. God was the only good in those times. He held me. He made me strong (just like you said) when I needed to be the rock for my Mum. He helped me be strong in front of my children. He was strong for me when there was no one else looking. He held me and never let me go.

    That time, and others since, I’ve learned the truth of trust – and therefore of peace.

    I recently came across a new (to me) singer, Lauren Daigle, and a beautiful song she wrote after her beloved Grandfather passed. The lyrics are uplifting and confirming. I hope it blesses you as it has me this week xx

    1. Oh thank you so much for the encouragement and prayers. That truly means so so much. Wow, what love you were able to show your father. that is beautiful. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but you’re right – God gets us through even the most difficult of situations. sending you a big hug. and I”ll definitely check out this singer! sounds like a powerful song 🙂 much love to you xox

  51. Bless you Caralyn, I hope you are OK given everything that’s happened I saw your featured photo and I felt so heartbroken 😢 You look so beautiful in it but you also looked so sad x. I wish we could talk more often x. I hope you have had lots of BNS Ice Cream to cheer yourself up & the word so spoke about in my NLT Bible is (& I actually read this verse in bible study on Wednesday!)
    “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.”
    Romans 8:26 NLT

    1. Hey Benjamin, thank you so much 🙂 You are such a great friend. haha i actually just finished a bowl of BNS ice cream for lunch 🙂 What a comforting verse…thanks for looking that up 🙂 funny how that timing worked out! big hugs to you, Benjamin. I will share more when I get the green light to. big big hugs xox

      1. I know you will lovely just breaks my heart to see sadness in your eyes x. I am so proud of you, I wish and pray that one day we will meet, & I mean before we are called home 😜 x. You are such a rock for me over the past year x. Love you loads my best friend 💜

  52. Romans 8:26-39 (KJV)
    26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
    27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
    28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
    29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.
    30 Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
    31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
    32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
    33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth.
    34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
    35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
    36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
    37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
    38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
    39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

    Hey! I’m one of an eight person full time missionary team living on the Navajo Reservation and I felt drawn to tell you that You’ve got a fan club here. We read your every blog and spend time in prayer for you. I don’t know your name so I call you “our favorite NY Blogger” 😉 I don’t know what your going through but I’m so proud to know that you draw closer to God in the midst of it and are always growing in the Lord. But just know that we love you and are praying for you always. In all things, to God be the glory. ❤ He holds your heart.

    1. Hi there! oh my gosh, I cannot begin to express how much this note touched my heart! I am so humbled that you and your team read my blog, and I am just…wow, this made my day. thank you so much. I will definitely keep you and your team and community in my prayers. it sounds like you’re doing important work 🙂 thank you for the prayers and support. sending massive hugs and love from NYC! love, Caralyn

  53. “if we concentrate hard enough, we’d realize that we’re actually not standing at all…but being held.”
    This struck.

  54. I am so sorry for whatever is causing you so much pain right now. It is so good that we are held and cared for by our Savior. Lifting you up in prayers.
    Samantha

    1. Thanks Samantha. I really appreciate your prayers. it means the world. I will share more when I get the green light. It’s not really my story to tell at the moment. So i promise I will fill ya in when i can 🙂 but know that your kind words and prayers mean the world. hugs ox

  55. Clearly you spoke to many many bloggers’ experiences. Well done. We need to share the times when “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Faith in the United States still seems to stress self-reliance too often. But it’s the weak, little and burdened that really know the Lord.

  56. Not does the Holy Spirit intercede for us, so does Jesus. “Also there were many priests, because they were prevented by death from continuing. But He, because He continues forever, has an unchangeable priesthood. Therefore He is also able to save to the uttermost those who come to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them. Hebrews 7:23-25. Doesn’t get any better than that! Praying for you the prayer of Jabez!

  57. I love how you poured your heart out here. Flying always gets me emotional too. It’s addicting. Jesus loves you and is strongest when you are at your weakest. Always remember that!

  58. I love not only the words that God has spoken through you…but all the many words of those who share their strength & weakness, trust& doubt, pain & joy as a result. One. Holy. Apostolic. Faith. God alone restores us and yet he invites us to be partakers in it all. May you allow those around you, united in faith, to be the hand of God when you can’t quite feel his embrace. Hugs dear one, for being so brave to share your heart with all of us!

    1. Hi again Dawn! Oh wow, thank you so much for this incredibly kind note of encouragement. Amen to that! God alone restores. And restore He does. Thanks for being such a positive light in my life! Big big hugs xox

  59. We feel your pain Caralyn but at the same time you teach us so much about honesty and being real as we face up to our own shortcomings. I suspect that one of the biggest lies of Satan is that we are not worthy – and sometimes it takes us a long while to truly understand God’s grace. You are shining a light into the darkness and you will never know in this life the difference you are making to so many of us.

    1. Thank you so much 🙂 I am so touched by your kind words of encouragement. Gosh. I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like you, but I sure am grateful:) hope you have a beautiful weekend. Hugs and love xox

  60. Your vulnerability is true inspiration!! It shows your courage, even if you feel weak in that moment. And the recognition that God is carrying you through each moment is so true. Never doubt who you are: a daughter of the King, much-loved, a treasured one. Your picture is on his fridge. He delights over you and sings songs over you at night. You are so.loved. And your courage and vulnerability is incredible. Virtual {hug}.

    1. Thanks so much Krekker. You are so kind to say that. Yes, God is strong when we are weak. Haha I love that image of my photo on His heavenly fridge:) that made me smile. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

  61. Lord, You are our Rock in times of trouble, a strong fortress against the enemy. You are completely in control of everything in our lives and in this world. Nothing at all is outside Your hand. Father, You hold Caralyn and have engraved her name in the palm of Your hand. Your thoughts and concerns towards her are constant, covering and limning her in Your presence. Be her wisdom at this time, her heart, and strengthen her hands and feet, so that she may run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint. You have every outcome in Your hand, we trust that Your will is for good, and that You will draw forth blessing, grace and good things out from this situation for the sake that you love Caralyn, and she is the apple of Your eye. We commit her to Your care, guidance and protection.

    Here is a passage that has brought me comfort. I hope it will to you as well. It’s from my favourite New Covenant version – J.B.Philips.

    2 Corinthians 4:7-18
    7-13 This priceless treasure we hold, so to speak, in a common earthenware jar—to show that the splendid power of it belongs to God and not to us. We are handicapped on all sides, but we are never frustrated; we are puzzled, but never in despair. We are persecuted, but we never have to stand it alone: we may be knocked down but we are never knocked out! Every day we experience something of the death of the Lord Jesus, so that we may also know the power of the life of Jesus in these bodies of ours. Yes, we who are living are always being exposed to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus may be plainly seen in our mortal lives. We are always facing death, but this means that you know more and more of life. Our faith is like that mentioned in the scripture: ‘I believed and therefore I spoke’. 14 For we too speak because we believe, and we know for certain that he who raised the Lord Jesus from death shall also by him raise us. We shall all stand together before him.

    15-18 We wish you could see how all this is working out for your benefit, and how the more grace God gives, the more thanksgiving will redound to his glory. This is the reason why we never collapse. The outward man does indeed suffer wear and tear, but every day the inward man receives fresh strength. These little troubles (which are really so transitory) are winning for us a permanent, glorious and solid reward out of all proportion to our pain. For we are looking all the time not at the visible things but at the invisible. The visible things are transitory: it is the invisible things that are really permanent.

    Caralyn, none of this is wasted. It WILL bring blessing in due course to many, many people through you, and glory to Him.

    Many blessings and prayers,
    Indi, Lydia and Hannah

    1. Wow, you are such a great friend. Thank you so much for this beautiful prayer. It’s for me all choked up! I am incredibly touched bY your words of kindness and encouragement. I do believe that — nothing is ever wasted. God will work all these things together for good. You and your family are a blessing to me. Sending massive hugs. Thanks again for brightening my morning 🙂

  62. Well written. Been there…pensive at 30,000 feet. I appreciate the openness of your journey. “Footsteps” comes to mind. No need to apologize for not having the “Holy Spirit groans” scripture link. Too often we get so caught up in the academics of verifying or justifying our use of the word that we undermine its personal impact. I was struck that you grasped the power of the Spirit in the moment, and that that power was Scriptural not philosophical. Footnotes can always be added later. That’s why we have rewrite. I have friends who will benefit from your words. Eager to share. Thank you. Keep your seat belt of truth fastened for unexpected turbulence.

  63. One misconception about entering a relationship with Christ is that life will be perfect! Not the case ! But God has equipped us with the tools to survive the hardest situations! You are a living testament of this ! I too sometimes struggle with the ebb and flow of faith . But if we remember never to become comfortable in our complacency we will always strive for more! Prayers to you my friend!

    1. Hi Soph! So true! Not the case at all! But you’re right, God equips us for whatever He calls us to do. We just need to trust. Thanks again for your kind words. Hugs and love xox

  64. Dear Caralyn:

    Most of us first meet God in the situation of our lives, often as an asset that either aligns us with other people or helps us survive difficulty. But that situation is a filter through which we perceive God.

    And then there are those sacred and rare experiences, often described only by saints, when we cast ourselves down on the ground and surrender our being to the presence of the Eternal. We go “out there.” We are confronted with a choice between the world of struggle against sin that birthed us and a withdrawal into the cocoon of perfect love.

    I only ask you to consider that, in my experience, the Human purpose is served best at the interface between those two realms. We go up on the cross with Jesus, and to survive we must be ineffable.

    Yours in Christ,

    Brian

    1. Thanks for this thoughtful response, Brian. What a powerful though about being between those two realms. Wow. That’s some deep stuff. Thanks for giving me that to ponder. Big hugs to you xox

      1. I felt a need to expand on “ineffable,” but had to go out and update my web site. You may find the topics under Philosophical Concepts to be meaningful, with the final topic (That Other Mess) being particularly relevant.

        The navigation isn’t the best. It’s really a book, so you’ll need to use the “‘prev” and “next” links under the text to move around.

        The material is pretty dense. The take-home message is that the love is the only emotion that is philosophically consequential, and thus ultimately the only significant emotion to the self-aware individual..

  65. some people think that crying is weakness, the contrary is true. only the weak ones fear their emotions to the point they suppress them. those who suppress will eventually opress. – and no-one is helped by it. to Me tears are a precious gift shared by the strong ones. as it is written: “God counts the tears of women”. Similarly to that old saying big girls or boys dont cry I answer : but Men and Women do. be strong, and one with your emotions. they are a gift not to be turned down #StrictMotivation PS: thank you for your strength and beauty to share such a touching, moving, and intimate moment of your journey, with the world, to inspire

    1. Hi friend. Thank you so much for this great encouragement. You’re right- suppressing those emotions only lead to trouble later on. We’ve got to feel them. Because you’re right, they are a gift. Big hugs to you xox

  66. Hi friend…you are loved, you are treasured and your willingness to share your honest feelings and emotions is a rare gift. 🙂 Some thoughts that come to mind from readings and music…He is making you a diamond in the dust…He will raise you up and lift you on eagles wings…He will always be there to hold you in the palm of His hand. I pray for peace and comfort for you Caralyn.

  67. I’m so thankful that God holds us up through everything. It is such an amazing thing to be able to trust him in every part of our life.

  68. I volunteer for a Christian youth weekend called Shine UK. Last year’s weekend was all Esther. I tell myself every day especially when times are challenging. I am a warrior princess. 100 plus girls were on this weekend away. The weekend focused on 4:14. Xx

    1. Thanks so much, Peri. You are so kind. Thank you for the prayers. They’re doing better every day. I will update you all and share when I am given the green light. It’s not really my story to tell. But I will fill you in when I can 🙂 thanks for your continued support and friendship 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      1. Hey no details necessary; I just feel we’re a community here, and if prayers and support can help, then we should offer them. Just wanted to know you were still being held in prayerful thoughts, for however much that buoys your weary worried self : ) Stay strong.

  69. This post reminds me so much of what my husband is going through right now. He is super strong and I am the person losing it every second… but he keeps it together. A look though someone else’s eyes. Thank you.

  70. That verse is one of my absolute favorites. And, I’ve lived through horrible times when all I had was Holy Spirit interceding for me. I am praying for you and your journey tonight.

  71. I have posted at my desk, “if you’re hanging by a thread, let that thread be the hem of His robe” – a reminder of the power and strength that comes from Christ when we are at our lowest.
    I love your revelation about your strength coming from the Lord and not standing under your power but rather, being held; beautiful and full of selfless faith and surrender!
    Thank you for being so transparent, so real! You are blessed, and you are a blessing! (Never doubt that! 🙂)

    1. Oh my gosh I absolutely love that saying! I’m actually writing that down right now to stick on my desk! Thanks for sharing. I so appreciate your kind words and encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  72. Caralyn,
    Where do I begin?
    I am so thankful to God that we have met, well, in the world wide web. Your posts are not only genuine and relatable, but at times very powerful and encouraging. Inspirational and empowering.
    There have been so many times where I have desired, yearned to clutch Jesus’s robes, his hands. Laid my head on the bed or tub and imagined that I was laying my head on his lap like a little child.
    Many times not feeling worthy or good enough to be in church, in his presence or worthy of his love. Feel at times like a fraud and a hypocrite for the way I have ignored God or turned away from him and allowed myself to be sucked into the world and its ignorance and desensitizing nature.
    With that said, I again deeply appreciate knowing you and what you share here in this social media world.
    May God continue to bless and guide you.
    Tiffany

    1. Hey Tiffany! Oh my gosh I am so incredibly touched by your comment. Thank you so much. I am so glad that we met too! You are always so encouraging and supportive. I am grateful for your friendship 🙂 I so feel you – I have done the same, envisioning my head resting on His shoulders. God is good. Thanks again for being so great. Much love to you sister:) xox

  73. I swear, if you don’t stop making me tear up, I’m going to start questioning my masculinity. Seriously, though, I’m amazed how you can open yourself up and show what’s going on in your heart – the good, the bad, the ugly – and through it all expose God’s grace to us through your scars. God bless you, SiC (Sister in Christ)

    1. Awww thank you so much David! You are seriously so kind. Thank you, my friend. Haha you made me chuckle with this one. But in all seriousness, I’m grateful for you, friend. Your comments are always so uplifting and brighten my day! Have a great night:) big hugs to ya xox

  74. I’ve never met you and I just started following you, but I think I would love you the moment I sat down next to you on a plane.

    How you can throw “Delta slipping me a roofie in my club soda” into a post about one’s deepest sorrows and struggles, and an absolute certainty in the faithfulness of God’s love while being so transparent & straightforward… well, you have fan in me. Bless you for all of the above!

    1. Hey Christine! What a kind thing to say! Aw thank you so much! Hahaha glad you get my slightly off-kilter sense of humor 😍😂🤠 but seriously, thank you for being so wonderful! Big big hugs to ya! Xox

  75. Hi, my friend. I just wanted you to know that you have been in my thoughts, in my heart, and in my prayers. You don’t have to always be strong, or always keep up a stalwart facade. It’s ok to let down the defenses and be vulnerable. I know that you do that through your blog, and I greatly admire you for that. But there is absolutely no shame in showing our cracks and imperfections to our family, friends, or even strangers. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human, and it makes you approachable! Because, we’ve ALL been there. A person who is judging you for not being “strong enough” or not being able to “hold it together” is a person who isn’t comfortable with his or her own limitations and vulnerabilities. There is no shame in what you describe! In fact, I think it is a phenomenal strength to know your weaknesses and to be able to give them over to Him. What a grace!

    The thing is, emotions and faith are NOT the same thing. When I find myself in really challenging situations the stretch me to my limit, I find myself anxious and doubting, wanting to know, control, and secure my future, and I start to question, “Where is my faith?!!! If only I had faith the size of a mustard seed, I wouldn’t feel this way!” Then, my priest explained to me that faith is KNOWING God is present, taking care of everything, working goodness for my ultimate salvation, and trusting in his mercy. “Feeling has nothing to do with it,” he said. I can’t tell you how liberating that was to hear! The emotions are normal and ok, and Jesus understands because he experienced them, too!

    When we get to heaven, I think we will be rendered speechless when we realize just how much our Lord did carry us. I am sure that he is carrying you now, as He has carried you in the past, and He will never let you go. Even if we forget Him and turn away, He will never forget us. This post of yours is a powerful one. I can’t imagine what you must be going through right now, but whatever it is, my heart is with you. Sending so much love! xoxoxo

    1. My dear friend, Lulu. 🙂 thank you so much for this beautiful note. I am just so grateful to have you in my life! You’re always there with a smile and a word of encouragement. And wow, what powerful words. This is such a great perspective. Because you’re absolutely right — He *does* carry us. All day, every day. Because he loves us so fiercely. And amen to that – emotion and feeling has nothing to do with faith — it doesn’t matter how we *feel* because God is good *no matter how we feel. * and that’s a beautiful thing. Thanks again for always being so wonderful. You are awesome! Massive hugs to you! ❤💜❤💜❤

      1. Massive hugs back to you. He is carrying us every day, guiding our feet least we stumble, making straight our paths (even when they feel tortuously crooked and rock strewn). At times like these, I imagine the entire communion of Saints and company of angels surrounding me, praying for me, and ushering me onward. It’s real. One of the local priests was giving a homily about Mary a few weeks ago and he said that when we pray to her, “She comes running, in her tennis shoes, with her veil flapping behind her.” xoxoxo

  76. Lovely post. Footprints in the sand and Jesus carrying me when I was too weak to walk came to mind, and as we are being strong and feeling the great comfort that comes from God, isn’t it wonderful to know that in times of our weakness (and there are plenty of them for me) Jesus is there to carry us. May Jesus truly be with you always. Have a great 2017. Blessings and Happiness.

  77. Wondreful to find that there is someone else like me, who has the same feelings of unworthiness and sometimes lacks self esteem, like me. Consider the words of the parable that Jesus spoke about the Publican and the Pharisee in Luke 18, especially verse 13: “And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.”

    One thing in this year of 2017 I don’t want you to do: Don’t feel special like you’re the only one (lol). We’re all in the same boat and in that boat is the Savior. We’ll make it to shore. I look forward to your posts this year, God willing. You are truly a part of my prayers. Make me a part of yours, too.

    1. Thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection. I’m glad it resonated with you. Oh wow what a powerful story. Haha it’s true. We’re all in this together 🙂 it’s. Ice to know we’re on the same team. Thanks for the prayers. Hugs and love xox

  78. This post had been sitting in my inbox, yet every time I went in there to clean things up, I couldn’t delete it. I’ve read your blogs before, I relate to your story, your thoughts, and your life’s situations.

    I finally read it this morning. Your honesty is so refreshing. Your connection and awareness to your emotions is beautiful! Keep on keepin on.


    Nik

  79. Even without knowing your “family emergency,” and without really knowing you apart from your beauty-filled words, I am praying for you. You have a good God. He will never let go. And He will set you on your feet in the new territory. His love never fails.

    1. Hi Karen, oh gosh, thank you so much. your prayers truly mean the world right now. I will share more about my situation as soon as I get the green light, but for now, it’s not really my story to share. But i will as soon as i can 🙂 Thank you for the beuaitufl encouragement. Amen to that – His love NEVER ever ever fails. big hugs to you xox

  80. I was led to believe, or perhaps more accurately took it upon myself to believe, that our faith life is represented by a line moving to the right and ever upward as we grow in faith.

    What life experience and reality have taught me, and it is okay to admit, is that for most everyone I know who will be honest about it, our faith life looks much more like a roller coaster. Ups and downs, ebbs and flows, anger and joy, it’s all mixed up into it. Your description is spot on and I for one do not think it makes you or anyone else a bad Christian to experience this bit of truth. Thanks for your honesty.

    Sometimes it is hard to define prayer. I have a blogged sermon from earlier this year talking about prayer. You might find it interesting https://lancerferguson.wordpress.com/2016/01/25/prayer-you-keep-using-that-word/

    As always, thanks for the great writing and strong witness!

    1. Hi Lance, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. That’s such a powerful visual…you’re right, our faith -and life for that matter – is never just a straight line. it’s a roller coaster for sure. I appreciate the encouragement. And I can’t wait to check out your sermon! Sounds like it’s pretty powerful! big hugs xox

  81. Sending up prayers for you while you journey through being held. And yes, there are moments in life when you know being held is the only way you made it through. xoxo

  82. „I think you all know by now the struggle I’ve battled with feeling worthy. After my anorexia, believing and claiming my self worth has been a constant battle. And sometimes, that even extends to my faith – I often don’t feel worthy to lift my face to Jesus and pray. I go to church, but I’ll feel as though I don’t deserve to even be in His presence. That I’m a phony. A hypocrite.“

    Yes, it is called „the ego“. „Ego“ means: Edging God Out. 🙂 The ego often acts like a hypocrite. That’s OK. When you realize that the hypocrite is at the helm, you can remember your True Self, the beloved and holy child of God. Don’t repress or deny the inner fear, darkness, anger, grief, pain or feelings of guilt. Only when you are ready to look upon it all, you can release it. Isn’t this the true meaning of forgiveness? Releasing everything that is not love.

    Blessings to you,
    Mark

  83. Thanks for sharing your story. The message in it really resonates with me. Family emergencies are always really hard. Sorry that you’re experiencing difficult times. Speaking from experience, hang in there! 🙂 Sending prayers and good thoughts!

    1. Hi Tammy! Oh thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I so appreciate the prayers right now. And your hug is such a comfort 🙂 sending a great hug right back to you, my friend. Xox

  84. Wow. How mentally/emotionally stimulating. Thanks delta for slipping me a roofie in my club soda. Haha. Ive been reading your stuff lately and am strangely touched by your work! Thanks for sharing!!!!! Great read

  85. My dear friend,

    It is always good to be honest to ourselves, to others and in front of God. If we feel us very close to God in certain moments, sometimes moments of weakness or humility, then it is a good way to see our ego becoming smaller and we feel helpless. However, there is only One, one Doer in the whole creation – it is the ocean of life, of consciousness beyond time and space rolling out its waves of deeds: a short time ago I wrote: The shadow thinks it is moving, but it is the light that moves the shadow… Each of us has a wonderful temple in us – the temple of God – if we pray from our heart, not like an automatic prayer, but with the tongue of our thoughts, with the sweetness of our heart – then you can be sure that this prayer is heard by our Father. Often it may happen that we make a show in front of ourselves then we are not honest to ourselves. but when we do as we are and even let our tears roll down our cheeks – no matter if we are alone in this moment or if there are some people around us – main thing is then: we are honest to ourselves – we don’t put a mask on, we don’t make a show.

    In this sense I want to encourage you – to be as you are like a natural person. And I like that you can be as you are as written in your words. Thanks, dear friend, for your sincerity and your open heart 🙂

    All what is good for your soul
    Didi(Artist)

    1. Hi Didi, wow what a thoughtful and beautiful response. Thank you so much. You’re right- there is only One God and He does listen and care about us. Thanks again for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

  86. Hits very close to home…i hope you find the strength… Very relatable and yes crying in public is sth people dont do out of choice…it happens…been there done that… 🙂
    ps I hope your mom is doing better now hun

  87. This is so uplifting! And I feel so much better after reading this. You’re an inspiration to many out there going through heartache. Thank you for this ❤️️

  88. Amazing. No matter how we would like to be in control, there are things deep down within our heart which may point to weakness but these weaknesses do bring us face down before Jesus. Thank God He’s never on the lookout for our shortcomings. Its awesome to not have full control over everything and to have weaknesses because it makes Jesus that much more relevant. Yay to God for that. 😄

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