Eclectic Interactions

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

So I did something this week.

I took some time for me.

Ever since my mom had her stroke, I’ve been her full time wingman –err, wingwoman — by her side, helping her out.

And this past week, was our scheduled family vacation, and due to obvious reasons, only myself, and my older brother and his wife went. It was already all paid for, and my dad really encouraged me to go.

So I did.

I went skiing and enjoyed the Sundance Film Festival in Utah.


It was hard to be away, if I’m being completely honest. My body was in Utah, but my heart and mind were back home in Ohio.

But I ended up having a blast. I am really lucky to have such incredible siblings.

But while I was away, I ended up having one of those conversations that just stick with you.

We were sharing a ride into town with this fascinating woman. She was very eclectic. Flowing gray hair that was elegant, yet slightly wild; thick-rimmed, circular tortoise glasses, and a felt, lime green trench coat that rivaled her hair in “strikingness.”

She was the essence of all things artistic and original.

And I ended up talking to this woman about my blog.

To be honest, I never really know what to say when people ask me what it’s about.

I always come up with something “safe” like, It’s a ‘self love blog,’ or ‘it’s a blog that covers my journey to living an abundant life.’

I dunno, there’s just something about saying “an eating disorder recovery blog” that doesn’t really quite roll off the tongue. You can’t really save the conversation after dropping a bomb like that on a new acquaintance.

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But I did say that it had “inspirational content.”

And without skipping a beat, this woman affirms, “That’s so great and needed. Gotta put on your own oxygen mask first, right? Where can you find that?”

Gotta put on your own oxygen mask first…

I found my mind replaying that over and over for the rest of the night.

Your own oxygen mask.

This has been a rather different – and difficult – season on life, here recently, after everything with my mom.

Moving back home –albeit temporarily- as a young adult, it is…well, there are truthfully, a lot of emotions attached to it.

But I kept thinking about that oxygen mask.

That saying has always been a little morbid for my taste….you’re going to give some cheeky analogy about helping yourself by relating it to an airplane in distress about to crash?! Sensitive much?

But I digress.

We can’t help others unless we ourselves are secure, receiving the necessary sustenance.

Living in New York, there are so many sources to find those “sustainabilities” – that oxygen if you will.

I have a great life in NYC with all my friends, and I know they “fill me up.” But then there’s shopping, great food, incredible live music, night life, dance clubs, cultural happenings – there is so much to make your soul come alive. Not to mention my acting career and opportunities to write and express myself creatively.

And to put it nicely, Ohio is…well, not able to match that.

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But I’ve just been thrust into this situation where, whether I have my oxygen mask on or not, I have to help my mom get her oxygen mask on first.

And I realized that I am kind of in a waste land when it comes to sources of oxygen for myself here. I don’t have to fully get into it, but coming home is always difficult, with a past full of “emotional misdemeanors” and scathing memories that are lurking around every corner. But regardless of the dearth of O2 sources, here I am, finding myself doing what needs to be done, surviving the chaos, and being strong.

I think in times like this, our oxygen mask is overtaken by Jesus. And He supplies our sustenance even without our knowing.

“Gotta put on your own oxygen mask first…”

I can’t stop thinking about that exchange with that interesting woman in the car. And how, after hearing that my blog offered “inspirational content,” her mind immediately drew the connection between that, and a source of oxygen for her oxygen mask.

And it got me thinking because it revealed something pretty powerful….we are all searching.

We are all looking for that source to sustain us.

Being out in Utah, skiing in the 2 ½ foot fresh powder, surrounded by the magnificent, sweeping views of the mountains, soaring pines and crystal blue skies…that was really renewing for my spirit. I always feel close to the Creator when I am out in nature, but this was a deeper renewal- More than just a superficial “getaway.”

This was a soul renewal. A time of repair. A time of true sustainability.

If I’m being really honest, this is going to be a difficult journey for me. I, for one, tend to disregard my own oxygen mask when these times of need arise. I want to be there, fully, unencumbered.

An oxygen mask is more that just the spiritual component. Jesus is our oxygen, yes, and that is the spiritual aspect of our total wellbeing. There is also the physical, the mental, social – those all need to work together with the spiritual. And in truth, all of those are gifts to us from Jesus for our wellbeing.

And all of those things were “fed” this weekend.

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That woman was absolutely right – we cannot help another person to our fullest capacity without putting our own oxygen mask on first.

I need to not neglect my own oxygen mask. Jesus can put it on for me, but I’m the only one who can make myself actually take a breath.

And that full inhalation will sustain me: mind, body and spirit.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

280 thoughts on “Eclectic Interactions”

  1. I am so proud of you for sharing your walk of faith and your journey. I see your blog as being an oxygen mask for many! God has blessed you with many talents, compassion and grace! Thank you so much! I know you are touching many hearts. Mine,for sure! Praying for your family.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Rick. You are always so kind and supportive. I can’t tell you how much that means. And wow what a kind thing to say. 🙂 thanks for your continued prayers. You are a blessing to me! Hugs xox

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  3. I would take the oxygen mask comment to mean life, specifically, the breath of life meaning, our spirit man. So putting on your own oxygen mask is working on your spirit man. Relating to your comment to her, inspirational content, deals with spirit – in-spir-a-tion-al. She acknowledged without oxygen, your spirit man can not live. She focused on your ability to see your spirit man needs life. She was complimenting you.

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    1. That is such an powerful way to look at it. Thanks for helping me to see that. I think you’re right. That woman was a kind soul and i so enjoyed having the chance to interact with her. Thanks for stopping by! Big hugs to you xox

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  5. I’m new to your blog, but I really enjoy your posts! I’m glad you were able to have a refreshing trip. It is so important to not neglect ourselves in times of hardship, even though it is easy to. I really love how you tied in Jesus being our oxygen. “Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person” -Genesis 2:7 NLT. God literally breathed the breath if life in order to create us. Such an awesome reminder, thanks for sharing!

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    1. Hey April! Oh gosh, thanks so much! I’m glad you’re enjoying your time over here in my dusty little corner of the web! I absolutely love that reference!! YES! God *did literally* breathe life into us! I had totally forgotten about that, but wow what an awesome example of Him literally doing just that. Thank you so much for sharing! And thanks for taking the time to comment:) I hope you have a beautiful night! 🙂 hugs xox

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    1. Aw thank you so much Rebekah! I’m so glad you liked it! I was a little nervous about posting it, so thanks for your affirming words 🙂 Truly. You have warmed my heart with your kindness. big hugs to you 🙂 xox

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      1. I’m a general animal person, dogs, cats, goats, I’d even have a giraffe if i could fit one in 🙂 I do think, based on your writing, that what you’re doing is rather brave. Not sure I could….

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      27. By the way, that piece you wrote, Eat Pretty… that was really good. I actually got angry reading it. You should try and get it published more widely, if you haven’t already.

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  8. I’m so glad that you were able to recharge yourself. And I can’t blame you for worrying about her while you were away. I’d probably be the same way. 😀

    “I need to not neglect my own oxygen mask. Jesus can put it on for me, but I’m the only one who can make myself actually take a breath.” That is so true.

    And it is an amazing thought. In all of Heaven and Hell, there is no one who can force you to do anything. God cannot force you to do what is right and the devil cannot force you to do what is wrong. God can offer you the means to grow in grace. The devil can tempt you to fall into sin. But neither one can make you do it. Right or wrong, grace or sin, is your choice.

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  9. Thanks for sharing this. I’m reading this while sitting for 14 days now in the critical care waiting room after my dad suffered a massive heart attach. His mitral valve failed and we almost lost him. He got it repaired and now is trying to wake up after 2 weeks of sedation. We’ve been helping mom through this and I’ve never considered “securing my own oxygen mask first”. Your post has helped me recalibrate my purpose in being a son to my father and a son to my mom as dad recovers. Thank you

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    1. Hi Reid! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Gosh, my heart and prayers and with you and your family during this difficult time. Gosh, it sounds like you all have been through a lot. So glad this resonated with you. Hang in there. I’ll be praying xoxoxoxo

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  10. As HM The Queen pointed out in her Christmas Speech last year, The word ‘inspire’ is defined in the Oxford Dictionary as ‘To Breathe in Air’. It states the origin of the word as: ‘Middle English enspire, from Old French inspirer, from Latin inspirare breathe or blow into from in- into + spirare breathe. The word was originally used of a divine or supernatural being, in the sense ‘impart a truth or idea to someone’.’ (https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/inspire)
    Coming to think about it, she also has grey hair, glasses and wears striking outfits…

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  12. So good to see you still smiling through this all and knowing how much God does still love you and is with you through this all. You are being an inspiration to so many with your strength and with your wisdom. Thank you so much for sharing and keep smiling.

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  13. I love this. And it was a GREAT reminder for me. But, as I reading, though, I wanted to give you a bit of a challenge of sorts – or at least think about it… As you’re taking care of your mom do one thing each day to take care of yourself. I start my first big girl job a week from today as a RN in a big emergency room in Columbus. And all through nursing school my professors were always, I mean ALWAYS pushing us to take care of ourselves, make self-care a priority. And after living with a chronic migraine for 6 mos I learned the importance of self-care the hard way. But one of the biggest lessons I learned through nursing school was that if I didn’t take care of myself I couldn’t take as good of care of my patients. And the one thing I’m talking about doesn’t have to be a big one thing. But if you take care of YOU it will be easier to take care of your mom. It could be writing down a few things you’re grateful for from your day, especially on hard days. Or taking a bubble bath and drink a glass of your favorite wine or wake up a little early so you have time to read the gospel for the day before taking care of your mom.

    Though I also agree that Jesus puts the oxygen mask for us a lot of times, but we can still make choices that allow us to breathe in the oxygen he gives us. 🙂

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    1. That’s such an awesome lesson to learn. Sounds like you have some great professors. And congrats on your new job! So exciting! I hope you LOVE it!! That’s some terrific advice, and I’ll definitely take you up on that challenge! I love the gratitude journaling. Will start that tonight! 🙂 Thanks again for being such a great source of encouragement and friendship! big hugs xox

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  15. What a great turn of events. God always seems to put His children right where He wants them to be! You helping your mom, the wonderful trip, the fascinating woman and her intriguing, thought provoking comment. He always has a plan 🙂 Thanks for sharing it with us!

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  16. She said so much in so few words! Thank you for sharing. It will stick with me now, too. We must fill our wells in order to have the most to offer ourselves and the ones we love. Also, I’m so happy you had the opportunity to get some oxygen.

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  17. I myself am not a religious person but I am spiritual. My oxygen mask provides for me through my writing and through connecting with family, friends, and nature.

    Whatever form your oxygen comes in I hope you find enough to get you through this difficult period.

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  18. This is good. I just had my own weekend of getting away, at a camp. It wasn’t the most refueling experience I’ve ever had, but it was a break with the routine, and I was surrounded by alto of lovely snow and trees. What really matters is being willing to do things that are out of you ordinary sphere I think, even if they aren’t that appealing to you. We need change to keep our minds and souls clear. But even so, Jesus is most definitely my oxygen. I would d o nothing worth doing without Him as my reason. He’s the one who gives my life meaning. I like that you stressed that in this post.

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    1. Thank you os much! I’m so glad you enjoyed the piece. Sounds like a great week! You’re right, stepping out of your comfort zone is really a way to stretch yourself and take in the oxygen 🙂 haha Amen to that! Thanks for your encouraging words! hugs xox

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  19. Hey Caralyn: another enjoyable, excellent, thoughtful, thought creating,,,,etc,,,,,,,piece of writing. It is so good to read that you had some “me time”, a time away to have fun and enjoyment.
    As I was reading, I could resonate with your thoughts, or if I don’t recall them correctly without scrolling back up through all the comments again, what I think you wrote meant.

    (By the way, no matter when I get to reading your post, and think to comment, there are dozens already ahead of me, I need to be quicker I guess 😀),

    Anyhow, as I compare, I believe you have to take care of your mind, before you can really help someone else in their mind struggles. One needs to take care of our own body, not wear ourselves out, before we can truly help someone else with a difficulty.
    One’s emotions have to be collected, before we will be able to assist another who is riding an emotional coaster.

    As Scripture says, we need to love ourselves before we can love another. That is where my thoughts and beliefs in the other ways in life fit in.
    Thank you for all you say, and your honesty about your life.

    God’s Blessings,
    Luv ya, George

    Oh, remember to breathe, with the oxygen mask of Jesus in place. 😀

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    1. Hey George! What a kind note of encouragement. Thank you so much 🙂 yeah, this was a really great time to just recharge. As hard as it was to walk through those airport doors and get on the plane, it was definitely good for all parties involved 🙂 Yes! we do need to love ourselves so that we can love others. leave it to scripture to bring home the truth. big hugs xox

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  20. Glad you had fun!!! I agree taking time for yourself is important. I didn’t realize your dad was still here, so make sure he gets a time out as well. I know it’s easy to forget the caregiver. When I was caring for mother, I learned that 40% of caregivers pass before the one they’re caring for does. I had a friend who saw I was not and connected me to her sister was a hospice director and she made sure I got help. It was a godsend. I had a mini stroke shortly after. VERY important!

    How was the weather at Sundance? I haven’t been in a few years. My son and daughter live there and I suggested they go for me. Was there any film that stood out for you? I know most will go the festival route a few years before they go to either DVD or the theater. ( I have a friend whose animated short is still “traveling”.)
    Glad you had a refreshing vacation!!

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    1. Thank you so much Jolie! Yes, it was really great to get some time out. Yeah, my dad is amazing and he is really working hard through all of this too. Oh wow, what a startling statistic! And my goodness, I’m so sorry to hear that that happened to you! I am glad you’re doing better now. What a beautiful place for your kids to live! It was a full on blizzard the whole time! So as a result I only saw that one movie — we skied the rest of the time because the conditions were simply outrageous 🙂 thanks for your kind words! hugs xox

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  24. You’re absolutely correct. You have to heal yourself before you can heal others. Sometimes I read through my own blog when I’m feeling down. I know that sounds narcissistic but listening to my true voice like that really helps me. Usually when I’m writing blog posts for a prolonged time, I fall into a sort of trance where I know what I’m writing but I’m not really soaking it in. But when I go back and read it later, I get the chance to do that. Your blog is absolutely lovely ❤ keep it up

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    1. Thanks so much:) that’s not narcissistic at all! There is something so healing about writing and I think it’s so awesome that you have that outlet and can go back and reread and relive your journey 🙂 I definitely can relate to that! Writing takes you places. Thanks again for your kind words. Big hugs to you xox

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  27. Being the Supernatural fan that I am, I think I first heard the reminder to “put the oxygen mask over your own face first” from Jared Padalecki–can’t remember if it was in a tweet, on FB, or at a convention panel though. Not that it matters! That advice struck me too, and I’ve never forgotten it.

    I’ve only really been called into a caretaker role for a couple of brief times in my life. But real caretakers, I think, should hold this advice close to their heart. It’s a tough, tough job.

    I think the oxygen is a little different for all of us, though. Much as I love the city, for me spending time at home or a quiet evening with friends is more oxygen-worthy than Manhattan. (I live close so I go in periodically, but that kind of feels like a project. Plus I’m a homebody at heart.)

    And, of course, I’m a different religion than you–but I do find prayer and meditation to be absolutely necessary components of that oxygen. 🙂

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    1. Hi Jenn! Oh really! I’ve never seen Supernatural haha Maybe I should start watching 🙂 It’s true, there is so much “oxygen” to be found among friends in the quiet of a non-city place. me too — total homebody 🙂 haha I have felt so cheesy this whole post talking about Oxygen 🙂 hah thanks for bearing with me! hahaha big hugs to you, friend 🙂 lots of love xox

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  29. Two thoughts:
    1) In both of the original languages of the Bible spirit and breath are the same word. So the Spirit of God whom He gives is His life-giving breath.
    2) Enjoy yourself and make sure your dad gets a bit of time to catch his breath, too.

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    1. Hey Brandon! Oh, thank you so much. That’s really kind of you to say. You’re right – I need to make sure to be taking care of my wellbeing too, especially during this time.thanks for the encouragement. big hugs xox

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  31. Great post. I completely understand how you feel. But as cliche as it may sound, it’s so important to take care of yourself and your mental health, maybe even more so when you’re taking care of someone else. If you aren’t happy and healthy, then you can’t be your best for others either. ❤️

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  33. Yes, Jesus is our oxygen, and we all live with the choice of whether to inhale Him or not. I myself can say how weary I feel when I don’t reach for my oxygen mask first, at the very start of the day. Thank you for your words.

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  34. Breath deep… thanks for your reflections and blog. The mountain air always has something special to sustain us.

    On another note if you can connect with a friend of mine who has been just diagnosed with bowel cancer. She is an amazing mum, school leader and teacher – https://bowelbabe.wordpress.com

    I am sure she would be grateful for any support and I’ll get her to see your blog too…

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  40. It is true you must care for yourself before you can fully care for others, however its extremely difficult to learn to ‘put on your own oxygen mask first’, self love does not come naturally to everyone but loving other people does. Fully caring for yourself can be difficult when you are forced to look after someone who requires more help than you do. My oxygen mask is simply spending time with my siblings (who understand the situation) like you have or going for a run on my own with my thoughts. xo

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  41. Great to see your beautiful smile! I’m kinda new to your blog, but not sure I remember it from before. And great post too! Without Jesus, I struggle to breathe. He is the life sustaining, life necessary, source. Trying to breathe on our own, to borrow your analogy, is just foolhardy. Jesus, breathe Your life into my dead bones…

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  42. I’m not quite sure how to start but let me try… 😀

    I don’t know if it’s what Christians or “good people” believe but it seems “selfishness” is not a virtue. Even if it makes sense, we find it very difficult for us to put on our own oxygen masks first. Okay, let me rephrase that as I have to exclude myself… 🙂 I think that people think that selfishness is something terrible people do. The words “put on own mask first” speak logic but we can’t seem to see it outside of a plane-in-crisis image. Morbid, sorry.

    Anyway, a very good friend of mine introduced me to some “radical” thinking. I don’t know if it’s new age or if it follows the Landmark Forum teaching… hmm.. but basically, he said that selfishness is a virtue. In fact, Ayn Rand in the 60s (?) wrote “The Virtue of Selfishness”. I have the book and I started reading it – like 10 years ago, lol! – but it’s a little difficult to digest. However, the premise is basically (I think) making self happy and full first because only then can we be useful to another. How can one expect to give love if you have no love to give? We can only share what we have. Also, if we keep giving without receiving, you’ll end up empty.

    My view is that if each of us focuses on our own happiness (WITHOUT stepping on other people’s toes to get our happiness), no one will need another for happiness or fulfillment or completeness. Then, when we find a person to share our life with, the union will be of two complete people and there will be so much more there. If I already love myself, I won’t rely on another for love and love won’t be in expectation of getting the same.

    In the same way, I don’t apologize for spending my hard-earned money as I see fit because I am the one who must put up with whatever I have to put up with in order to earn it. If a loved one has practically nothing but doesn’t do anything about it, I shouldn’t feel bad and give my money instead of enjoying it myself.

    Sorry, too long… but yes, look after yourself first and you are best able to look after others. Are you sure Ohio is a little scant on soul sustenance? 🙂 Skiing in Utah was good for you. 🙂

    Much love to you gorgeous friend. Hugs xxx

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      2. I can imagine they do! Haha It’s very true though. I seek God’s face, and He fills me up. That is all I am promised is God’s neverending love. I better love myself, flaws and all, because I have to live with me. Then, when you do find the person that is on the same page, it is magical. You get to share your lives, and your love, but I always have that foundation of God and me. Thank you lovely. Keep preachin’. ❤

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    2. Wow Anne, this is so powerful. Thank you for such a thoughtful response. You’re right, we can only share what we have. That really hits home with me. Especially during this season where I feel I am literally pouring out every thing I have mind body and spirit. It will be important going forward to replenish those areas of my heart so I can continue to do so. Thanks again so much for this beautifully encouraging comment. You are a blessing to me and reading this replenishes my spirit:) Hugs and love xox

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  43. Beautifully written my friend. Just remember that where you are is only temporary. Take care of yourself so you can care for your Mother, and savor every moment. God is going to use this time for your good, and His glory! Much love ❤

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  46. So glad you enjoyed Utah. The mountains here are awe-inspiring. I get to look out my window at work every day and enjoy them. The sight does inspire a sense of reverence and gratitude to our Creator. Thanks for the wonderful post.

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  47. My sources of oxygen dwindled as I left the only home I ever knew, until I asked Jesus to open my eyes to NEW sources. He has done that sufficiently well! I love you nuggets of wisdom, lady! “We are all looking for that source to sustain us.” “Jesus can put it on for me, but I’m the only one who can make myself actually take a breath.” Looking forward to reading more of your journey!

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  48. Your explanation right here made me smile…

    “I dunno, there’s just something about saying “an eating disorder recovery blog” that doesn’t really quite roll off the tongue. You can’t really save the conversation after dropping a bomb like that on a new acquaintance.”

    Thank you for sharing this wonderful post.

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      1. I was thinking, Therapy. Your blog is Therapeutic. At least that’s what I read from your readers. Fractured bones heal with more tissue than those who have never fractured one.

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      2. Hmm, intersting thought! I’d be honored if they thought that! 🙂 But I love that notion — it’s true, bones that have been broken end up being stronger in the end because the scar tissue reinforces it. hmmm…there might just be a blog post there 🙂 thanks! hehe

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  50. ❤️ “Gotta put on your own oxygen mask first…” My friend just told me this last week as I was embarrassingly telling her I started counseling.

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