A Love that Lets Go

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I’ve spent a lot of time recently in my own head. Today marks the three month mark since my mom’s stroke, and there have been a lot of ups and a lot of downs.

And I’m learning a lot.

And honestly, I’m learning a lot about God’s love for us.

We’ve reached the stage in my mom’s recovery where…there’s a frustration within her about how things aren’t back to normal. And a gripping desperation for autonomy.

And I’m going to be really honest, being in my position, as her grown daughter, having come home to be her “sidekick” as I call it – there’s a really delicate balance of how much help is too much help. I want to assist her so that life runs smoothly, but I don’t want her to feel like a child or that I’m belitting her or discrediting her capabilities or contributions. And I’m finding that in this particular stage, it is exceptionally difficult to do. And so often I feel discouraged, as though I can’t do anything right

It’s a darned if you do, darned if you don’t sort of thing. Offer too much help, and I’m overstepping. Offer too little help, and things, well…breakdown.

But actually during this time, I feel like I’m learning a lot about how God loves us. [And let me interject here that I am in no way comparing myself to God.] But during this phase I am definitely learning a lot about how love can look.

Because honestly, right now, all I want to do is…well…everything for my mom. I want to wait on her hand and foot, and bring her this, and do that, and just give her the world.

But she doesn’t want that.

She wants to do things herself.

And so for me to love her, I have to let her do it…even if she messes up. Even if it takes her an extra hour to get through the steps. Even if she feels defeated or angry or like she’s incapable at any little thing.

I have to just let her fail.

Because that is what she wants. And I know deep down that it is probably good for her. And it is growing her.

How many times in my own life have I felt that I’ve just been on a one way trip to Screw-Up town? Like I’ve fallen on my face enough times to need a serious rhinoplasty and new front teeth? I mean, have you read my blog??…

Perhaps how I’m having to love my mom right now is a tiny reflection of how God loves me during those times? — Letting me struggle because I need to feel autonomous, even if it comes with a detrimental price tag?

This kind of love is not easy. It requires patience and a longing for the betterment of her, mores than a satisfaction of self. It requires me to put her needs and her good ahead of my own. Even dying to self a little bit. And that really makes me contemplate God’s love for me. For us.

All those times when I was struggling and feeling lost or frustrated in my own life, God was standing by, watching me endure it. Not because He is wicked or derives pleasure from others’ pain. He’s not some puppy-kicking monster. He was watching expectantly – patiently – lovingly, knowing the growth that will come from the struggle. Just like I’m having to learn how to do with my mom.

It’s like how a mama bird must feel when her baby jumps out of the nest for the first time. The fall and the failure is part of the learning process.

God will never let me peril. He’ll swoop in if absolutely necessary, but the struggle is what I ultimately need.

Just because we’re enduring a trial doesn’t negate His love. If anything it just shows that He’s letting us grow. Allowing us to use our autonomy to our own potential destruction — or potential flourishing.

But that’s what I’m working on. Letting go.

Letting go of the reins and letting her take them over.


I need to step back and realize that this necessary step is cause for celebration, because she can.

She’s improving. She’s blossoming and regaining all the skills and abilities the stroke had wiped out.

A love that lets go is a love that recognizes the other’s full potential. And that is the most difficult – and simultaneously most beautiful – love of all.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

319 thoughts on “A Love that Lets Go”

  1. Hi BBB,

    It is a wonderful mystery how God moves in our daily actions. I think you mean by letting go is also letting whatever comes, have it’s way. Somehow it turns into the narrative of your life; all part of the plan.

    Thanks,

    Gary

    On Thu, Apr 6, 2017 at 4:02 PM BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “I’ve spent a lot of time recently in my own > head. Today marks the three month mark since my mom’s stroke, and there > have been a lot of ups and a lot of downs. And I’m learning a lot. And > honestly, I’m learning a lot about God’s love for us. We’ve reach” >

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    1. Thanks Gary. oh my gosh i love that – letting go is also letting whatever comes. Isn’t *THAT* the truth!! all part of the plan. i need to remember that. thanks for this encouramgement. big hugs xox

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  3. I feel.like my life these past several years has been like what your talking about with your mum but I think somehow God’s perspective is different to my understanding of it, if it wasn’t for your little Reebok plug at the bottom of your post I may not have even commented or thought more about what you wrote. I mentioned Reebok to a friend today it randomly came to me to ask him if he remembered it. So it was fresh and an unusual word to use as it’s not common to see that brand here anymore. Anyhow might be something I glean more from. Thanks for sharing.

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  5. You may find that the new flower looming through this time will be as awesome and wonderful than the one you knew as your mother before the stroke….or that the flower of this time has a unique scent that you’ll always remember

    Happy Easter sister. Keep working with Him through this time
    xoxo

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    1. Hey Jeff! Thank you so much. I think you’re right – I actually was just talking with her about this this morning – that’s she’s more herself than ever before and it’s a beautiful thing. I love that imagery – a flower of this time with a unique and memorable scent. Amen to that! Thanks for this encouragement. It means so much today. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Your journey into more wisdom, love, and grace is a blessing to those reading your blog. It is filled with love, written with love. And you are right about your mother growing also. May God add his blessing to the good you do for each other.

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  8. I appreciate your insight and sharing. My mom had a stroke almost 4 or so years ago. It happened on Christmas morning while she was at work. In the process of switching jobs, her insurance was in limbo. She was left to sit in the hospital for months before getting to rehab. To this day she still has paralysis in one of her arms.. She hasn’t worked since that day. For her to go from the most busy bodied independent woman I know to the woman she is now put’s God’s love and his calling into perspective. I never would have imagined the person my mom is now, but…the one thing I would never forget is when she was finally able to come to after the stroke, she thanked God he was still alive. He wants our acknowledgement of him even in our trials. So when he’s able to bring us up out of them we remember it was Him to did it.

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    1. Oh I’m so sorry that you can relate so personally. Gosh that’s so sad. I am so sorry to hear that. You’re so right, we need to acknowledge him in our trials. Thanks for this incredible perspective. Hugs and love xox

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  9. I love this! This is an amazing reminder! I really needed this.
    I have been questioning a lot lately, why God allows us to fall on our face sometimes, why can’t everything go right. this answers that exactly, God allows us to fall because He loves us, He gives us free choice and let’s us work things out on our own. Thanks! I love reading your blog! 🙂

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  10. Adaptation… both for your mother to adapt to her changed ability… and for you, your father, and siblings to adapt to how your mother learns to conduct her life. — Oscar

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  11. “Why do we fall master Bruce, so we can learn to pick ourselves up.” How do we know how faithful we are till we are tested? How do we know what we can handle till we are put to the test? In order for us to know how much we can handle we have to be put to the test. I’ve written about how our faith being forged is like a sword being tempered in fire. The times we face hardships are not only to prepare us for greater things, but allows us to help others when the time is right. We must remember to pray to God for help, and offer ourselves to God.

    Don’t forget to pray. 🙂 Praying is the key.

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  12. Love reading your stuff! So, so true! What amazing love that Jesus has for us.
    It’s so crazy that He allows us grow in our understanding of love as well :”)
    Praying for you and your family!

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  13. “I have to just let her fail.
    Because that is what she wants. And I know deep down that it is probably good for her. And it is growing her.”

    This is the patience your mother bore with you as you matured.

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