Battling Insecurity

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Do you ever just feel….embarrassingly out of place?

Do you ever walk into a room and feel as though you’ve got, like, your skirt tucked into your underwear, or like you have a big, unsightly growth on your chin?

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I had one of those experiences last week. I had an audition for this big beauty commercial.

So I walked into the waiting room, and I felt a hot wave of self-consciousness wash over me — starting in my stomach and running up through the backs of my ears.

Every young woman in the room was a tall, blonde bombshell, model-esq, and looking like they could literally kill someone with their piercing “simize” gaze.

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What did my agent send me to?

I felt like the riff raf that somebody accidentally let in.

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Anywho, looking around, and harshly sizing myself up, I realized something in that very minute.

I had two options.

A) I could let my insecurities get the best of me. I could succumb to the lies of inadequacy  and self doubt that were swirling around my head. I could beat myself up with comparisons and fall into thinking that was detrimental to my recovery and wellbeing.

Orrr…

B) I could listen to the voice of God’s Truth in my head that has taken me ten years in recovery to be able to hear and actually believe.

And I’m going to be honest, looking around that room, Option A was looking pretty inescapable.

But, I did something that turned things around.

I prayed.

I just closed my eyes, right there in that waiting room, and said, “God, please let Your light shine through me when I go into that audition room.”

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And all of a sudden, this peace came over me…I kid you not. I looked around the room, and I saw all those formerly frighteningly beautiful ladies with new eyes – In my head I literally heard, “They are all children of God.” 

I mean, that’s not how I typically talk. That was not from my own thinking. I mean, heck, just thirty seconds ago I was half-wishing that one of their stiletto’s would snap and cause a domino effect, downing half a dozen wanna-be Barbies. Thinking about children of God was not really on my radar at the moment.

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Anywho…after the audition, I just kinda forgot about it. It was a great audition – His peace carried me through – but realistically, it was a long shot. I mean, they clearly had a vision of what they were looking for, and well…it wasn’t me.

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But.

Later the next day, I got a call from my agent.

I didn’t book that beauty spot, but the casting director wanted me for a different international commercial campaign they were working on.

And this new gig, was a much better opportunity than the one little beauty spot.

And in fact, I’m actually on set, as you’re reading this, shooting the campaign all week.

But thinking about it, I realized, this would not have happened had I given into the lies in my head in that waiting room.

How many times in my life have I let fear and insecurity — especially about looks — get the best of me?

The answer: a lot. Too many times than I’d like to admit.

But I handed that audition over to God. And you know what? It turns out that God’s plans for us are so much greater than any we could drum up for ourselves.

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And today at church, I literally chuckled out loud at the gospel, because it was about the hairs on our heads being numbered. And to be not afraid, because we have great worth. (Matt 10: 26-33)

God proved that in that waiting room. He gave me His peace to shine, and in return provided for me in a way I could not have imagined.

So that’s all for tonight. Sometimes we just have to turn over control to the One who knows the hairs on our heads, and loves us, and really does work all things together for good.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

412 thoughts on “Battling Insecurity”

  1. I have learned to accept that the cliche when one door closes another one opens is not a cliche. It is true more often than not. When He says, “I know the plans I have for you,” He should have followed it up with “and they are WAY better than yours!”

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I can answer almost all of the questions you asked at the beginning with a resounding “Yes!”. I feel a lot of insecurities, almost constantly. In fact, almost my entire blog is descriptive of all the insecurities I feel on a regular basis.

    Unfortunately, I struggle with the two choices you gave for various reasons, as well, but I won’t go into any of them, because this is your blog, of course. 🙂

    Like I have said before, here, I find your posts a bit of an inspiration, even if I fall extremely short. I’m glad to see someone as positive as you overcome some of these things and excel in doing your absolute best.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So proud of you, will we seeing said advert in the UK? 😍 I’m feeling very insecure at the moment and I hate it, I celebrated 1 year since being baptised but I feel like nothing’s changed 😩 this year has been so hard with sinful moments creeping back in so yeah not the year I have been hoping for! But I know I still have hope I guess x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Benjamin! I don’t know if in the UK, but definitely Latin America! Congratulations on your anniversary. that’s so wonderful. Things take time. Just because you can’t necessarily “feel” the changes doesn’t mean that God isn’t working on your heart right this very minute. praying for ya, friend. hugs xo

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  5. I love when the readings really strike a chord in a very specific way. Great stuff. I may be saying too much, but I never fully understood why beautiful women don’t think they are beautiful as so and so. Or beautiful at all because someone else is the epitome of beauty. Is it vanity? Insecurity–well yes as you mentioned. (I don’t know what I’m saying). Hope the week is going well.

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  10. I get it all the time – at my church. I’ve never told any of them this, but I feel like the idiot. The nerd. “Oh look, there’s the guy whose family didn’t make it.” It’s a pretty extraordinary church, to be fair – mature, Scripturally grounded, lots of community leaders – but still. Satan comes after me with a club labeled You Don’t Belong Here.

    And I’ve noticed the same two things you have if I actually stop and pay attention to God.

    One, he says, “”They all need me just as much as you.”

    And two, awesome opportunities and fun things happen when I stay engaged and don’t shrink back.

    Took the words right out of my mouth with this one, Caralyn. Satan is trying to deflect us from opportunities to glorify God, and insecurity is one of his tools. Fight back.

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  20. Congrats my friend!! Isn’t it amazing how God works? All along, He had something even better in mind. Thanks for sharing this. I think we all have these same insecurities from time to time. But no one ever has the courage to talk about it. Thanks for breaching the subject. I am sure many dams have broke because of it that will lead others to be honest, and then to choose God and trust Him. We all too easily fight or flight with faced with such. I know I have. Thanks for leaning in instead and for us, being an inspiration to us all. Be well! G

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  21. I think you have it right. The purpose of the human race is to simply be channels through which God’s blessings flow. Sometimes those blessings flow through an answer to prayer such as you’ve illustrated to us here. Sometimes bad things happen to us and they are permitted to both test us and to reveal to others God helping us through trials. It develops character is us and models it to others to their benefit. All of our experiences, the successes and failures have a purpose in leading us, and hopefully others we meet as travellers through life into an attitude which will eventually fit us in with the way heaven operates. There will be no failures or insecurities there. 🙂

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  24. I love the “hairs on your head” verse! Our sermon on Sunday was about worth, and reading your words about worth the very next day makes me feel like God is trying to tell me something. Thanks

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  27. Brava Caralyn, good for you! Well done on getting through the audition and landing an even better part. 🙂

    Tremendous courage and very inspiring to see this. If the new ad campaign you’re practicing for airs online, I’d love to see it sometime. 😉

    All the best going forward 🙂 Ciao bella! Hugs ❤

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  28. whoot whoot. That is a great story, and great reminder to take the time to pray when those negative bombarding lies attack. I have tasted both the lies and the truth of who I am in Gods eyes. I have had 20 years to renew my mind…80% of the time I succeed but 20% of the time…well, sounds like you know what that feels like too. 🙂 Thanks for keeping it real. Really appreciate it. DM

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  29. I just want to say this is wild because my most recent post is literally about insecurity as well. Also, I’m so proud of you for rising to the occasion and congrats! I think I’ve had an experience similar to you where I felt like God was speaking through me. Like the thought was not mine but it was so soothing.

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  31. It’s hard for me to relate to getting a skirt caught in my shorts. With that said, I am proud of you for carrying through and achieving something even better 🙂 God has definitely renewed your faith 🙂 Hugs to you my friend 🙂 ❤

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  32. Congratulations on turning around your thoughts and turning to something comforting and true – God. What a great answer you got! And congratulations on the campaign!!! I bet your inner peace and new confidence really helped you stand out.

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  35. So good! Insecurity sucks! Thanks for sharing this, appreciate the realness but also how God spoke to you. 🔥🙌🏽❤️ praying that your campaign goes well my friend!

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  38. Pastor, you have just written the outline for another sermon you will give at your church and many, many will hear you. God is revealing your walk of faith in such a beautiful and astounding way! Say hi to your Mom..I pray for you both. I can hear her saying ” my daughter, the Pastor!” You are abundantly blessed and I know you will bless so many others with your testimony! So proud of you!

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    1. Oh my gosh Rick thank you 🙂 you are seriously so kind. God is so good – lots to be grateful for. And my mom is doing great! Like I said … lots to be grateful for 🙂 hehe thanks for your continued prayers. You’re awesome! Hugs and love xox

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  40. wow… that’s very inspiring! I really recognize how God turns things around when we actually allow Him in our biggest insecurities, which also means we are at this point we actually recognize the insecurity and don’t behind it anymore. I had a same experience this weekend, failed here and there… but still He came through. I really enjoy reading your blog for a while now. It has been very encouraging and recognizing at surprising and important moments… to me. Thanks for your sincerity. If you ever would have time to read and have advise on my blog please don’t hesitate to share your most honest opinion, i would really appreciate that. Buttt… most of all just thanks for sharing and just being you, nothing more and nothing less, and its good!

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  45. Congratulations, beautiful lady (inside and out!). I’m so proud of you for fighting the fear, praying, and finding the open door God placed in your path. Hope it all goes swimmingly. Hugs & smooches!

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  46. “Do you ever walk into a room and feel as though you’ve got, like, your skirt tucked into your underwear…” No

    “…or like you have a big, unsightly growth on your chin?” Hence the beard

    WELL DONE! A few added thoughts at Patreon

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  47. It’s funny that a pretty girl like you would feel intimidated by some other girls. You did the right thing though. When all else fails, try prayer.

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  48. Yes, I often feel out of place. Yes, I often let insecurity get the best of me. Yes, I KNOW that my worth is found in God and not in the eyes of others. But I still struggle, especially living with a physical disorder. But God proves how much He loves me and how valuable I am over and over again. It’s a good thing, too, because I usually need a daily reminder!

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  50. great visual image – stiletto breaks, barbies falling like dominoes!
    Always pray blessings for your competition – a hard truth I am still learning.

    Like

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