Battling Insecurity

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Do you ever just feel….embarrassingly out of place?

Do you ever walk into a room and feel as though you’ve got, like, your skirt tucked into your underwear, or like you have a big, unsightly growth on your chin?

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I had one of those experiences last week. I had an audition for this big beauty commercial.

So I walked into the waiting room, and I felt a hot wave of self-consciousness wash over me — starting in my stomach and running up through the backs of my ears.

Every young woman in the room was a tall, blonde bombshell, model-esq, and looking like they could literally kill someone with their piercing “simize” gaze.

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What did my agent send me to?

I felt like the riff raf that somebody accidentally let in.

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Anywho, looking around, and harshly sizing myself up, I realized something in that very minute.

I had two options.

A) I could let my insecurities get the best of me. I could succumb to the lies of inadequacy  and self doubt that were swirling around my head. I could beat myself up with comparisons and fall into thinking that was detrimental to my recovery and wellbeing.

Orrr…

B) I could listen to the voice of God’s Truth in my head that has taken me ten years in recovery to be able to hear and actually believe.

And I’m going to be honest, looking around that room, Option A was looking pretty inescapable.

But, I did something that turned things around.

I prayed.

I just closed my eyes, right there in that waiting room, and said, “God, please let Your light shine through me when I go into that audition room.”

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And all of a sudden, this peace came over me…I kid you not. I looked around the room, and I saw all those formerly frighteningly beautiful ladies with new eyes – In my head I literally heard, “They are all children of God.” 

I mean, that’s not how I typically talk. That was not from my own thinking. I mean, heck, just thirty seconds ago I was half-wishing that one of their stiletto’s would snap and cause a domino effect, downing half a dozen wanna-be Barbies. Thinking about children of God was not really on my radar at the moment.

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Anywho…after the audition, I just kinda forgot about it. It was a great audition – His peace carried me through – but realistically, it was a long shot. I mean, they clearly had a vision of what they were looking for, and well…it wasn’t me.

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But.

Later the next day, I got a call from my agent.

I didn’t book that beauty spot, but the casting director wanted me for a different international commercial campaign they were working on.

And this new gig, was a much better opportunity than the one little beauty spot.

And in fact, I’m actually on set, as you’re reading this, shooting the campaign all week.

But thinking about it, I realized, this would not have happened had I given into the lies in my head in that waiting room.

How many times in my life have I let fear and insecurity — especially about looks — get the best of me?

The answer: a lot. Too many times than I’d like to admit.

But I handed that audition over to God. And you know what? It turns out that God’s plans for us are so much greater than any we could drum up for ourselves.

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And today at church, I literally chuckled out loud at the gospel, because it was about the hairs on our heads being numbered. And to be not afraid, because we have great worth. (Matt 10: 26-33)

God proved that in that waiting room. He gave me His peace to shine, and in return provided for me in a way I could not have imagined.

So that’s all for tonight. Sometimes we just have to turn over control to the One who knows the hairs on our heads, and loves us, and really does work all things together for good.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

412 thoughts on “Battling Insecurity”

  1. I’m SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Proud of you!!!! So glad you listened to the Lord and let him change your sight on what your mind was causing you to see. I believe he only had you there just so you could be placed on the opportunity train you are riding right now. Congrats! on your Gig and keep believing in YOU!!! because you really are Enough!

    Love Ya Gurly!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a great reminder of how God is so wanting to lead us if we would just stop, ask and listen.

    I find myself feeling that I don’t belong in a lot of scenarios, and while that used to bug me, I am starting to embrace it. I don’t have a “group” and because of that, I seem to be able to walk into any group and do what God does best through me…..Encourage! It is kind of fun….but that first feeling of insecurity feels so overwhelming. Glad He is stronger than the insecurity!!

    Like

  3. Proverbs 3: 5-6 have pretty much been my lifetime verses. And as I keep saying today’s society has to take a step back and redefine the meaning of beauty.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. When the devil comes knocking…or attacking…just remind the devil he has no power over you…that you are a child of the King of kings and Lord of lords. 1 John 4:4 (NKJV) 4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. James 4:7 (NKJV) 7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

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  6. Congratulations! That is awesome and congratulations on your sponsor, praying He will send you many many more!

    Like

  7. Love all your blogs. This one too. Truly love the way you talk to God just as I do… from asking for that miraculous parking space, to money in my wallet, to reaching a place which is too far when I’m short on time…. for… this and that and the other. Yes, sublime to the rediculous. Then I ask Him, “So who else am I to go to other than You?” Yes. He certaunly miraculously answers…. 😊😍😉😊so happy you got even a better assignment. Kudos to you for asking the right One for help!

    Like

  8. “Inhale courage exhale fear.” I love that. Could you post some clips in you’re you tube channel of any film you’re in either it be commercial or movie. Thanks.

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  10. Caralyn – your uplift in that audition is uplifting us (your blogging groupies) with God’s grace in & thru you, beautiful you! (Because you ARE beautiful inside & out!) Congratulations on the new campaign. 💜🤗💜 Virginia

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  11. Yeeeeessss! Loved reading every minute of this. I battle my own thinking, even wrote a post about it just a moment ago, and I struggle with these same demons. But I also am a thinker that the Devil only goes after the ones who has what he wants and obviously your light is brighter than he could have ever dared to have! Kudos to your triumphant moment, both with overcoming your thoughts as well as with the CAMPAIGN that you were hired to work on. But God… Amen!

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  14. Isn’t it AMAZING how just one thought can change everything? Prayers heal and the mind is so funny how it wants to instantly revert back to “save me save me i’m not good enough, run little girl”! I am so glad you had this experience!!! What a gem to come from it! I wish you the best! I love your posts, they are very inspiring. as are you my dear! Good luck for what’s to come!

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  15. Wonderful. God is good, and I can’t think of anyone who deserves it more. You battled insecurity, and you kicked its butt. “They are all children of God.” That is something I hope I carry with me for the rest of my life. What a different world it would be if we all thought that with everyone we encounter.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. A beautiful story of redemption and overcoming the lies that paralyze us — well done for being brave and remaining in that room and choosing to fight! I have often found that all such victories begins with a simple choice (to believe the truth, to face the fear, to pray) and yet how hard it is to make that choice?
    Well done!
    Keep fighting!
    G

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you so much G! you’re so right – it’s incredibly hard to make that choice. and to be fair – i don’t always make the choice i made that day, this was just one example when i did. thanks for your beautiful encouragement. big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I’m so happy you booked the campaign! 🤗I feel like I read your post at just the right time.Today, I realized that I haven’t been praying as much as I used to, so I sent a quick one up. You don’t realize how much you miss that peace/feeling that comes with it, until you have it again. Here’s to your new campaign and to many more days of prayer and for God calming us down when we need him the most. 🥂

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  18. That’s absolutely brilliant! God has a plan and a purpose for us all… if only we could remember that all the time!! Enjoy your week x

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  19. blockquote, div.yahoo_quoted { margin-left: 0 !important; border-left:1px #715FFA solid !important; padding-left:1ex !important; background-color:white !important; } Beautiful!

    Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad

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  20. My children sometimes tell me they feel sacred about something or the feel lonely at times and I tell them they are never alone, God is always by our side. We cannot see Him, but if we pay enough attention we can feel Him, which is the better because He brings peace to our hearts. How I wish everyone could see how much God loves us!
    Everyone has felt like you did. How wonderful you felt God’s love in that waiting room. We are never alone.

    Like

  24. Insecurities are something we all feel, but not everyone likes to talk about them. When I find myself thinking I am in over my head, I stop and talk to God and tell him I trust his plan. I try to just go with it.
    I definitely appreciate this post. Thanks for sharing.

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  27. I just paused and prayed that God will give you strength the next time that happens to look for and take opportunities that He will give you to share the truth of security in Him through Jesus with one of those blondies or a producer or the cashier at the store on the way home.

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  28. How absolutely inspiring! Women especially deal with this and Gods word truly makes the difference. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading you blog posts! Sharing His work and having is light and love shine through you will help so many! Exactly what our world needs. Thank you!!

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  32. Well done you! I love hearing and reading about people who have such confidence in God’s love for us all. I love hearing about how it makes them shine! I wish I believed deeply like that. I’m working towards it :o)

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  34. Great word. Yes, so true. I need to remember that myself. Let God’s word drown out my own word and impulses, fears and what-not. Thanks, and glad you got a good opportunity out of it.

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  35. This is a beautiful post. I think all of us experienced that same exact moment in one way or another – I definitely have!! Thank you sooo much for being authentic and sharing with us ❤

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  36. Congratulations. You did the right thing and in turn God did the right thing for you. It is true, if you put God first everything else will fall into place. Wishing you the best which I’m sure you will do. God Bless.

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  37. Man it’s an ongoing process to keep insecurities from ruining our lives, but the results and benefits of being secure in our innate goodness is well worth it! He has a plan for you girl!! 😊

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  38. Congratulations Caralyn! Thanks for sharing this; I think a lot of us go through this in some shape or form in different circumstances. In the end, the inner confidence that we get from God is always more than enough to get us through that insecure moment and look at life from a whole new and positive experience. Much success to you!

    Like

  39. To begin, let me say “Congrats” to you on your ‘new’ position. That is the greatest testimony and truth about God: Whenever you pray to Him and give Him your troubles, He will take care of you and keep you calm. I remember, one year, when a former landlord hadn’t kept up with our home bills and we were going to be evicted. No extra relatives had any open rooms within their homes. That same day, I just turned to God and prayed to Him to help us get through that tough challenge… and He did. The following morning, we were given a new home to relocate to and to live in, and we still currently stay here right now years later. 🙂 Nobody but God could make miracles happen.

    I’ve had stage fright for so long to where I, too, was one to keep backing out of a stage talent show or a classroom project show. But one day, I took a deep breath, prayed, and I finally overcame my fear by volunteering to read poetry for my high school’s honor class assembly on stage. After I read it, I had no idea I would receive applause at the end. I was happy and proud. I couldn’t thank God enough.

    The enemy intends for us to keep giving up, but God has bigger plans and doesn’t want us to quit and never intends for us to. That is why, out of EVERY BATTLE, God will always come out being the victorious ONE. 🙂 Congrats again.

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  41. Congrats on landing a different opportunity and from what it sounds better too. Well done for facing your insecurity fears. Takes a brave woman .😉

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  42. Love it! I also get stuck in my head, dwelling, ruminating, etc….only to see that the weird, winding path was leading me on a great adventure – one much more exciting that the dull paved trail we expect. thanks for sharing!!

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  43. A M A Z I N G!! Look at how God works!! When you put your trust in him AND reflected love even in your thoughts, you were blessed. No, it was not easy but it was possible!! So happy for you! Do your thang with that commercial gig! Continue to shine your light in those environments!!

    Remember us 😉

    -JV

    Like

  44. Brilliant article!! I face insecurities alot. I often feel less than other men and that I am not like them etc. When I walk in a room of other people I feel like they will all look at me and judge me on my appearance. Insecurities and shyness can plague a persons life

    Like

  45. Reminds me of a time when I was taking my exam and had to perform my pieces in front of the Director of the Royal Shakespeare company! Yikes. The exact same thing happened to me. I said something along the lines of “God please help me, be with me” and in an INSTANT all traces of nervousness left me and I felt his presence so strongly in the room. I received a standing ovation and a distinction after! God is amazing mann..

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  46. That is exactly how I feel all of the time. Constantly, hearing the negative talk in my head. Facing the options and most of the time I will choose option A. Run like…..
    Just about every day I pray for strength, hope, confidence, faith.. I have the faith and all for everyone else but me.
    I just wanted to end this by saying thank you for being so brave and for sharing your story with all of us.
    T

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    1. Hey T! Thanks so much for sharing this. Yes, keep praying for that strength. God loves to give His children what they ask for. You deserve to be free of that negative self talk. you’re a blessing to me — know that 🙂 big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  47. Thanks for the love on my blog post! Will be following you and your account as it looks great! Would love for a follow for insight and constructive critiques as I enter the blogging world!

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  49. Hi BBB,

    Great reminder to not look at the circumstances, but just go where the Lord sends us. That often means we go with nothing or feel equipt within ourselves. Like Toby Mac says, ” I have never been more aware of my need( for the Lord). Keep trusting Him. I have a writing situation that I need prayer for.

    Thanks,

    Gary

    On Mon, Jun 26, 2017 at 4:01 PM BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “Do you ever just feel….embarrassingly out of > place? Do you ever walk into a room and feel as though you’ve got, like, > your skirt tucked into your underwear, or like you have a big, unsightly > growth on your chin? I had one of those experiences last w” >

    Like

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