Permission to Feel

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I’m going to be honest, I have 2 vodka/coconut waters in my system, so this post may be a bit…spirited.

Ba-dum chh!

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Bad joke. OKAY!

I had a conversation with a friend tonight that has completely pulled at my heartstrings and offered me some much needed perspective.

So naturally, I’ve decided to share with you, my wonderful internet friends 🙂

Sometimes we need to grant ourselves permission to mourn for ourselves.

Alright, that’s coming straight out of left field. I should probably back up a bit.

I don’t think there’s a person on this earth who isn’t going through, or has gone through a difficult season.

I was talking with my friend tonight about that. About this incredibly difficult season that he’s had to navigate through this past year with the murder of his friend from a hate crime, and other family challenges. Things that I cannot imagine going through.

And he’s a young man. In college. The “prime” of his life, and yet his world has been absolutely turned upside-down in a series of truly tragic and unfortunate events.

Listening to him tonight, and hearing the pain he was carrying around with him, and the pull between moving on and being angry, I just felt called to tell him something, that I decided I wanted to share with you, too.

It’s okay to mourn for yourself. 

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Listening to my friend talk about this lost year where he was dealing with the repercussions of everything, I just felt called to tell him that he has permission to mourn for that lost time. To mourn for the time he’s been grieving and sad and lost and angry. Because in giving yourself permission to feel those strong feelings, you are sending a signal to yourself that your feelings and your emotions matter. It’s okay to feel down or mad or frustrated about that period of time when you were grieving – time that you “should” have been living out the “prime” of your life.

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One of the most healing things for me was to finally mourn the period of my life that I lost to my eating disorder.

For such a long time I just pushed it to the back of my mind, thinking I deserved to not walk in my graduation. I deserved the shattered relationships, the squandered high school years and the delay in college. But the fact is, I lost close to 3 years to my anorexia. Time that I can’t get back, and time that “should” have been spent living life to the full. But instead it was spent in the chains of an eating disorder that nearly took my life.

It’s okay to mourn the loss of that time.

I needed to acknowledge to myself that, yeah, that period of time was stolen by an insipid disease, and it really sucks that life played out that way.

But allowing myself to come to terms – fully – with the truth and the reality of my past was one of the first steps in my true healing. The first step in the peace that – may not have fully resolved the strife in my heart – but it did give me the freedom to move forward with my life.

That’s what it allows – it allows freedom.

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Being that it’s the Fourth of July tomorrow, I really wanted to incorporate the notion of freedom into my post. But I didn’t really know what the angle was that I was supposed to take.

But this is it: allowing ourselves to feel, and acknowledging the wounds we have gives us tremendous freedom. Freedom to heal. Freedom to seek to peace. Freedom to embrace the light. Freedom to let them go. There is freedom when we acknowledge those pains, and then give them to Jesus. 

There’s so much guilt and pain and suffering that we’re all walking around with – what if we could break free from that?  What if we could just give ourselves permission to not be “okay?” Allow ourselves to feel the feelings – the wounds – that aren’t all shiny and pretty? That’s the first step. Then giving those wounds to Jesus? — That’s freedom.

I just wanted to take that agony away from my friend tonight. Give him the courage to mourn for himself and for the pain he’s gone through, and the loss of that time.

No matter the situation, healing is never a “Point A – to Point B” trip. It’s a multidirectional journey with lots of stops, road blocks, and backtracks along the way. But one thing’s for sure: Jesus is paving the way for you every step of the way.

And there’s no greater freedom than releasing our pain to Him.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

299 thoughts on “Permission to Feel”

  1. This is beautiful, I love it. You’re absolutely right about needing to allow ourselves to mourn and recover. Also thanks for stopping by and leaving a like on my blog! x

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  2. whoa! such a timely post for me. I am in a season of ” stuck” and have had a rough couple of years so I completely agree with the fact that you need to grieve! Thank you for this!

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  5. Liked “Like A Woman Scorned..” It was eye opening for me. Now I know that eating disorders are for real and everyday people struggle with them. Thank God you are a survivor!

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  6. Yeah, I had to mourn for losing my adolescence and twenties and,early thirties (and possibly a chunk of my childhood) to depression. It was hard, but it was necessary. Because I needed to mourn to try to get past the anger and resentment that was under the surface (and still sometimes is there, when I’m down) about missing out on all the fun my peers were having when I was feeling despairing and suicidal. Like mourning for a person, if you don’t mourn for yourself, the feelings don’t go away, they just stay under the surface and poison you.

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    1. hey again friend, thanks so much for sharing your heart. I’m so sorry you can relate so personally. you’re right – mourning for your personal loss is part of the healing process. sending you so much love, warrior 🙂 xox

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  12. Hey there! Thank you so much for what you do through this blog! I have not yet gotten to read many of your posts, however just from reading this one and seeing your vulnerability, love for Jesus and desire to help others in their struggles and rejoice with them as well shows me that what you are doing is so valuable!! I look forward to reading more from you, and thank you so much for following my blog as well! I hope you are as encouraged by what I am doing here as I am by what you are doing! ❤

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  14. I found your blog when you’ve liked some of my posts. Thanks! I really enjoy reading what you have written. This one particularly speaks to me because I spent most of my 20s-early 30s so focused on my career that I forgot how important it was to forge personal relationships. I beat myself up on the friendships I could have had, but I also know that I am the person I am today-and more in-tuned to other people-because of the person I was then.

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  16. Excellent advice! We deserve time to mourn, as you pointed out. And how awesome it is to know that one of God’s specialties is giving oil of gladness for mourning and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. God bless you as you continue to bless others.

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  17. “There is freedom when we acknowledge those pains and then we give them to Jesus” There is so much truth in these words, God bless you!

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  19. Loved this. I’ve just recently realized I lost much time and much of myself in the last two years due to injuries. It’s a long road back and it’s still not over. But I’ve forgiven myself for who I was at that time. It’s progress

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  20. Overcoming adversity, any kind of adversity, be it emotional, physical, financial, takes a lot of guts. Kudos to people who do not succumb. Kudos to people who rise above it all and get back on track. Surrendering to The Almighty is something that makes it so much more easier. You feel empowered and find the strength to overcome. Well said. I like what you say.

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