Tension at the Comedy Cellar

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Last night, I went to the Comedy Cellar.

If you don’t know, it’s pretty much a New York institution where all the comedy greats have performed. And most nights, an unexpected celebrity comedian will swing by to “work out” a bit. Case in point, the last time my friend went, both Chris Rock and Dave Chapelle performed.

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ANYWHO. Last night, I went with my friend and a group of her co-workers.

And, honestly, it was everything you’d expect from a comedy club: over priced drinks, LOTS of couples on dates, and humor that honestly…was predictable, and insipidly  uncreative.

I mean, I knew the script coming in: Donald Trump was the butt of every joke. There were SO MANY bits about how dumb men are, and how angry and shrill females are. There were countless sex jokes. And enough drug references to make your ears bleed.

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Now. Truth time: I had a good laugh at most of said themes. Usually, it was out of sheer shock that the comic had the balls audacity to say such an outrageously crude thing, but I wasn’t like, sitting there being like the church lady on SNL.

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But there was a moment in the show that turned things around for me.

Now, if you’ve ever listened to stand up comedy before, you know that the format of most jokes is to make fun of something or someone. In my opinion, the best comics point the spotlight on themselves in a self-deprecating manner that everyone can appreciate or relate to. But most, sadly, will pick on a group of minorities or marginalized people.

And in said fashion, several of the comics last night used transgender people as that marginalized group to pick on.

I mean, lately, there’s a lot of “material” out there in the news, be it the bathroom debate, the army’s dispute, and other lewd themes that I’m sure you can imagine.

Well, everyone in the club was laughing away – I mean this was a pretty “safe” group to poke fun at, right?

Well, our table was not laughing.

In fact, you could have cut the awkward tension with a knife.

One of my friend’s co-workers, who was with us last night, was a trans man.

And it could not have been more apparent how stand up comedy, is really, actually, in truth…mean.

I realized how, everyone in that room was laughing at this person’s expense.

He was not laughing. His parents, also with us, were not laughing.

Now, I have a lot of thoughts about transgenderism. Thoughts that I will not get into today.

In that moment, when all of those people were laughing at transgendered people, and I happened to be sitting next to a good hearted, kind person, who just so happened to be trans, I was absolutely sick to my stomach.

This was a wound. A deep, soul-inflicting wound that this person has been struggling with, probably most of his life, that all of these people were just callously laughing at.

That is not okay.

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I couldn’t help but think about what Jesus would have thought if He were in that comedy cellar last night.

And I know, He probably never would have stepped His holy foot in there to begin with. But just, what if He were there.

Jesus wouldn’t have been laughing at that man. He would have been crying. He would have been holding that man, and hugging him, and weeping with him in his humiliation.

Because here’s the thing: every single one of us have deep wounds. We all are deeply wounded people. There’s no way around it: we’re all products of The Fall.

And who’s to say that one wound is “worse” or “uglier” than the other.

Jesus died for all wounds. And has showed us through example that each one of us deserves compassion and love.

Not ridicule and humiliation.
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Sitting at that table last night, listening to the room cackle at some insensitive joke about this man’s deepest hurt in his life, my heart just went out to him.

It doesn’t matter how you feel about the issue, at the end of the day, we are all children of God. We were all bought at the same price.

And therefore, we are all brothers and sisters, deserving of love and respect.

The bully-culture that we have grown so callous to – be it in the form of an anonymous tweet or Instagram comment, be it on the playground, be it in a “gossipy/excluding-one-person” email thread at the office, or on stage at a comedy club – this bully culture has got to stop.

We think our actions have no consequence – “it’s behind the screen of a computer, it’s not to the person’s face, it’s just pointing out the truth” – NO. 

Words hurt.

And last night I witnessed their sting and torment – not just to the individual – but to the victim’s loved ones too.

It’s time that we stop participating in the problem.

Stop following the instigators. Quit buying the magazines that push gossipy stories. Change the channel on the shows that perpetuate hurtful stereotypes and start speaking with love and respect. Speaking in a way that Jesus would want His children to speak to one another.

I have never really hung out with anyone who was trans before. And relaying this story to my dad today, he asked how the dynamic was with my group. And honestly, it was a lot of fun. We were all just a group of friends, laughing, hanging out, enjoying one another’s company. And sure, there were some difficult moments during the show, but at our table, there was love to be found. We all knew it, and it grounded the people there. And my new friend and his parents? They had a great time too. In fact, his dad even picked up the tab for the night.

Which just goes to show…love will prevail. Kindness and respect will overcome.

They always do.

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206 thoughts on “Tension at the Comedy Cellar”

  1. Another beautifully and sensitive writing. I agree with you 100%. I don’t care what my beliefs are on certain issues, it gives me no right to bully ANYONE!

    BTW: Congrats on the book!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Your post cuts to the chase regarding a huge problem with American culture. We are all hurting badly in one way or another and diminishing the vulnerable is an escape mechanism. I am from the Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball, Dick Van Dyke era where, as you said, the jokes were always directly inwardly.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Another great writing, pastor! I just posted a blog http://www.discoveringandsharinggrace.com on what we do for the least among us. Of course, your friend is not the least among us….he may be one of the bravest among us. Yet, in our society now it is the marginalized people that so often face prejudice and ridicule. I really like how you posed the question of what if Jesus had been there. I believe His Holy Spirit was there and comforting your friend in a way we may not realize. We can’t really call it humor….perhaps change the name from the comedy club to the cruelty club?

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    1. thanks Rick! i look forward to reading your blog! yes – that is such a convicting parable. Jesus called us to love. everyone. period. how easily we forget that. thanks for stoping by friend. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  5. I agree completely with this post. There is no such thing as humor at the expense of someone — that’s simply not funny. (OK, I’ll make an exception for politicians and spotlight chasers — the Trumps, Snookis and Kardashians of the world.) For the rest of us, everyone has a story, an experience, a hurt, something. It doesn’t matter if someone is slow at speaking because they don’t know the language, stutter or have a brain injury — regardless of how they got there, I’m not going to make fun of their way of speaking. Same thing with sexual preference, religion on whatever. People are what they are for reasons I probably don’t know and that are none of my business. I treat them all with the golden rule — do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

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    1. Hey Vic, thanks for this thoughtful response. You’re right – it’s not funny. Treating others with the golden rule is so beautiful. And how we’re supposed to do it. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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  8. Great post. Jesus didn’t go around bullying. He called people out of darkness. . .but not in a way that over-emphasized what they were doing. When He points out sin. . .He almost makes it smaller. . .by offering a hand to help get you out of it. That’s not being a bully, that’s being a friend.

    I like the song hero by super chick. It’s an anti bully song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbW8TpsNaAA

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Np 🙂 I like how you do your blog. I’ll probably be blogging frequently next year….and it’s good to learn what styles work. God bless 🙂

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  10. Sadly, even churches aren’t immune from being insensitive to transgenderism – in fact, they’re the source of some of the more confusing teachings about it. Focus on the Family says, “Because “transgenderism” violates God’s intentional design for sex and sexuality, we believe that this is a cultural and theological challenge that we must engage and win.” The SBC even drafted a resolution on transgenderism, in short it says: “We’re right that you’re wrong, but we’ll still love you (in a non-affirming way): http://www.sbc.net/resolutions/2250/on-transgender-identity”
    The problem is that they view ‘love’ in a disordered and confused manner. “Love” is when a parent smacks their kid on the hand and says “NO!” when they’re reaching for the hot stove. They view themselves as the parent and all members of the LGBTQ community as a toddler about to get burnt by their sinful desires. Bible.com adds: ” Their (that is, transgendered people) only hope for lasting satisfaction and peace is not by mutilating perfectly healthy bodies, but a transformation of their broken souls.” The tension at the Comedy Cellar that night doesn’t compare with the tension that the LGBTQ community experience at church on any given Sunday.

    Liked by 1 person

    2. I’ve had a brand of GD…(yet never labeled or became trans) personally the Church AND the world hurt me. It was individual Christians who told me the truth about how my gender (girl) wasn’t a mistake and that I don’t have to fit gender ideals to be a girl. I understand what these people go through because being ashamed of your gender is definitely not fun and it’s sad people go through it.

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      1. And when some church (or worldly) people hear you have GD or GIC they look at you like your gross but I was just confused and scared….I hope to help people who have GD someday…Jesus understands that was the main thing that kept me from getting too upset.

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  11. Haven’t commented in a while, but I have to say that transgenderism is dearly close to my heart. One of my best friends is non-binary trans and I am part of a organization that works to create non-discrimination policies to include trans people. Some Christians I know would have felt justified in bullying I’m glad you can see that we are all God’s children and he wants to love all of us. Thanks for sharing your perspective as always.

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  12. There has been so much pop culture i have removed from my life, with films the most removed, its good for me i know but its so frustrating trying to find decent films. Also i would very much love to know your views on the gay/trans issue, i know god speaks through you in a way i understand. Also views on ‘pride’. Hope you are ok x

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    1. Thanks Ben. Yeah, there’s definitely a lot of garbage out there in the media. How refreshing to rid those from your intake! I’ll definitely take those topics into consideration. Thanks friend. Sending big hugs xox

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  13. A lovely, loving post, I feel. Thank you. I also think that, yes, would have been and was at that Comedy Club, even and especially amidst the “humor” laden with the ridicule, verily, the despising of “the other”. For if anyone knows about being the point, the object, the focus of death-dealing hate-filled speech and action, all of it mindlessly and heartlessly self-justifying, Jesus does.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. THIS post, right here, is an example of the reason I enjoy your blog so much. You don’t simply speak as a Christian, but you live it. There is no room for judgment, is there? It’s been my experience that most trans-folks are simply people trying to find their way through the world, no differently than the rest of us. I don’t begin to comprehend the struggles of every single person, but there should always be compassion about another person’s struggles.

    Of course, this also gives me pause to think of my own life and ways I could have been different or treated someone different and I am humbled by your example of decency.

    Keep joyfully living the life you are living. You are a wonderful example for others.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah I always make jokes with myself, like “I no have much common sense”, from a back injury that I don’t remember from beginning in the first grade, that gave me a shock to my body and my mind, I guess, “That I haven’t lost my mind yet, lol” my mind is strong, my family doctor say to my grand mother at that time.
        Also these past couple months ago I almost lost my mind on my Schizophrenia but I know fantasy from reality, that what kept me sane because crazy do run in my family, so I usually joke around by saying “I’m not Crazy yet” lol
        “But I never joke at people or with them meanly or less they joke with themselves first.”

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  17. I would first like to say how much I appreciate your thoughts and story here. I can’t say that I’ve been in your exact situation before, but I understand the tension. Your conclusion really summed up how to respond and it really comes down to not only “what would Jesus do” but how would He respond? Thank you for sharing, it’s inspiring!

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  19. Awesome!! A post filled with compassion and insight! This is why I love reading Catholic bloggers, and many things about the Catholic Church. Good sense, combined with the love and truth of God.

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  20. I loved your post today. I try to explain to my children that Jesus loved and actively sought out the people that the world judged and mocked. He went to the tree to find Zacchaeus and to sit and dine with him. He could have more easily just kept going on His way, but Jesus loved Zacchaeus regardless of what the world thought of him. That was someone looking for a relationship. Jesus knew that loving someone was THE most important thing and that showing it was the only way to change the world.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw thank you so much Samantha. You’re so right! That’s what my mom always told me growing up: to sit with the kid by themselves in the lunchroom and be their friend. So true – the Zecc story gives us so much hope. Amen to that. Hugs and love xox

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  21. Hey, Beauty! This sparked a lot of thoughts, mostly from graduate school and literary criticism, believe it or not. And I’d thought I’d NEVER use any of that egg-head stuff! Apparently I was thadly mithtaken! (no idea why I decided to lisp…??)

    This is the 500th anniversary of Luther’s start of the reformation. Lately we’ve been studying the differences between Law and Gospel – not always as easy as it sounds. Especially in practice. Perhaps a better topic for many churches – especially those that spend more time condemning trans people than reaching out to them – is to tell the difference between sin and sinner. Or more to you analogy, the wound and the wounded!

    More on Patreon!

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    1. Thadly mithaken hahha oh gosh this made me chuckle 🙂 thanks Jeff. Oh wow! 500 years that’s incredible. You’re right- things are definitely easier in theory than in practice. Can’t wait to read more! Hope you’re having a great night! Xo

      Liked by 1 person

  22. Thank you so much for the thought and love you bring to the world. Yours is a healing soul! My thought as to what Jesus would do: he would go into that comedy club. And just like you, he would give his love and support to the transgenders in the audience. He also would forgive those “who know not what they do.” They are asleep. I believe all of us will awaken; each in our own time. God bless you for the good work you do in this world.

    Like

  23. Preach girl. preach! Your words ring truth! Yeah granted comedy is supposed to be funny but not at the expense of degrading another person and their culture or choices. Thanks for sharing Caralyn! It’s always good to read the positivity in most of your posts!

    Like

  24. Hi Caralyn. You are a Blessing, as you take on topics that are so pertinent to life in these days. Thank you, as always, for bringing your life in Jesus Christ, and His life in you, into your writing.
    Hearing anyone poke fun at, and bully others, always causes me to wonder if the bully himself needs to do that because he has poor self esteem, and needs to lift himself up that way.
    Anyway, back to last night, the parents of your trans friend must be “alright” people too, as they accepted the change, and going out in public together, rather than disowning, as some have been known to do.
    For your friend to sit there, taking it in, without showing signs of anger, I believe shows a sense of self assurance as well.
    Unconditional love is what our Saviour, Jesus Christ, showed to each person He met, and we are to do likewise. We don’t have to agree, but we are not to condemn, nor try to destroy another person either.
    God’s Blessings Caralyn,
    Luv and Hugs, 😀🌹❤️
    George

    Like

    1. Oh George. Oh you are so incredibly wonderful. Thank you for such generous words. You’re so right, it was a powerful witness of love and acceptance. And you’re right – we are not to condemn. Just love. Thank for stopping by and I hope you have a great night. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  25. “It doesn’t matter how you feel about the issue, at the end of the day, we are all children of God. ”

    This is it, in a nutshell. In one sentence, you’ve managed to capture so much of what Paul tried to get early Christians to understand, and what so many – too many – people today fail to grasp. We are ALL children of God. What a wonderful post!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Caralyn, Jesus WAS there last night, right inside of you! Whatever you have done for the least of these you have done for Him. Shine on sweet Lady! ❤️

    Like

  27. (SDO) Social dominance orientation determines hierarchies in our culture.

    Transgendered, are the targets because of how they rank socially. My kid is gay she was bullied enough to try to take her life. We as good people, had a sense of community that is now lost. We may not have agreed on life but we didn’t destroy it at the expense of others.

    The internet has brought like minded people from both sides to their similar ideologies. The touch of realism, is exchanged for actual realism. In DC a man thought a pizzeria was housing children for human trafficking. Within the same timeframe a policeman shoots a man on Facebook live because he thought he had a gun.

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    1. Oh my gosh Kenzie, that just breaks my heart. I’m so sorry your daughter has had to go through bullying. You’re right – for as much good as computers have brought us, they’ve also brought about some horrible and tragic consequences, like you’ve touched on. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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      1. I was the only native kid in school and I was kind of smart. So, I was further alienated. Now you’d think groups of kids with higher faculties would react differently but, they really don’t there’s still the pack mentality.

        I never fit in. So, when my kid had those same issues I realized it’s a culture problem not a single occurrence.

        Does it get better? Probably not and that’s how minorities have understood that divide in America because of the lack of emotional intelligence in the common person for everyone. To treat others with the same respect they demand from those that they see as inferior.

        We cannot make reparations for past events and neither can we continue to blame each other for those events. The lynchings. The scalping and mass shootings that destroyed my culture is not what I see in the eyes of the nearest white person. Neither, the inferiority I’m taught to feel in social interactions. So, what’s left? Just two people. The word bully is a bit of a contradiction because when you stare down a bull it wants to kill you but a bully. Just wants power over you.

        The reversal is comedy. It’s really all the weaker side has to resist.

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      3. I don’t know about love. I’ve been in many industries and it’s like that everywhere. It’s okay, because it’s not okay.

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  28. As always I love your heart and how you communicate that. I used to be a funny girl and when I drew closer to Jesus, I joked less. Not because I stopped being funny or knowing God has a great sense of humor but knowing also people have feelings and wounds and we are responsible for what we do to those. Healing balm or crass joke? I feel ya. Hugs!! ❤

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  29. I personally don’t enjoy stand- up comedy because like you said, most of the time they are poking fun at people or saying the same thing you’ve heard before about a minority group. I simply find it mean and degrading. Joking at somebody else’s expense is so not acceptable. It begins with school and is considered as bullying and when it ends as stand- up commedy, it’s applauded. Beautifully written article!

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  30. Another inspirational post! Thank you for this, your heart for people is just incredible, nuff said, and where can I buy your book once it’s released?

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  31. Bless your feeling heart! There are reasons to why we are were we are. And you were meant to be there and be a friend in an awkward time. Words are weighty on people’s souls, but your words are always uplifting, thought provoking and perfect for the subject. Blessings to you.

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  32. You are a legend. Don’t stop writing – I love to read ( and let God speak to me) through your words. You are doing us all a favour by being you – and I for one (an ex Christian but still a believer) I’m open to what God might say to me through you. That has to be good doesn’t it?

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  33. I am so grateful that I found your blog. You are real in a way that I really appreciate – it’s honest and it challenges me to respond honestly too. I wish you every blessing and I wish you peace 💜

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  34. Truly, we are all deeply wounded and our wounds are unique to us. Many times we are unable to understand the wounds of others and that’s the root cause of insensitivity. Thank you for sensitively putting this issue out there. Bullying, even under the shadow of humor, is 100% hurtful and wrong.

    And congrats on the book! I really look up to you and appreciate the work you put into adding value online ❤️

    Like

  35. Uggh, sorry for your friend’s pain. Entertainment is supposed to give us a bit of escape, not escalate the tension of life. Glad there was a table of friends to take the edge off of the mean stuff.

    Like

  37. Speaking with compassion and mercy, sadly a skill many of us have yet to learn and develop.
    C, will there be a chance for your book to be purchased in South Africa? Where can I learn more about it, I’ve got some close friends that I think would greatly benefit from it

    Like

    1. Thanks so much Tom. You’re absolutely right – compassion and mercy are so important. And wow thank you! I’ll look into international sales and let you know where you can get it! Thanks for sharing in the excitement with me 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  38. The Jesus I know WOULD have been there to comfort the aggrieved, to ping on the conscience of everyone in attendance (Will I be the butt of the joke tomorrow?), and even to inspire you to write about it.

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  39. I am like you in the fact that I don’t understand why being mean is entertainment for human beings? Jesus can come back any minute – please and thank you.

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  42. I’ll be completely honest here, I just don’t understand transgenderism and as with most things I don’t understand, it seems really bizarre to me.

    BUT, despite what my moral code says, despite what my feelings are, despite the fact that I just don’t get it, I am still commanded to love that person.

    I do know that I can understand pain and humiliation. It doesn’t matter what a person wears or what they perceive themselves to be.

    The comment above by James, indicating that Jesus WAS there and inspired you to write about something I once would have thought was insignificant. I would never have empathized with someone different than me because I was completely focused on my own pain.

    Thanks for writing this today.

    Liked by 2 people

  43. Amen young lady. Love should prevail. We are all children of God. He made us all and no one should judge others. I love everyone no matter what. People are people not things just because they may be different from us. Blessings.

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  45. I am an atheist, but I take no offense at anyone’s religious affiliation. And this, “And therefore, we are all brothers and sisters, deserving of love and respect.” should be “gospel” no matter the pulpit. Great post! ☺

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  46. I was thinking of sitting this blog post out, because I am careful around hot topics such as this one. However I decided against that. I commend for showing love. However I cringe at the fact that you were at a comedy club and somehow you were getting entertained by a group of some well known comedians and some not so well known comedians.

    I totally understand that you wanted to have a good night on the town, that’s allowed, but to tell the truth and with great love I say this to you. hearing crude and and unusual language offends the Lord and grieves his Spirit. That doesn’t mean that you can’t go out and have fun with friends, it just means you have to repeat to yourself this question would Jesus be in a place like this? The short answer is NO! Now I don’t want to make it seem to you I’m somehow offending you in anyway.

    I write this way to you because I love your soul and your hair is nice too… I also know how difficult it can be regarding separating from the World. However it is a must as Christians that we do that. I think the world needs to understand that as Children, the people who are the real deal are not judgemental, we don’t sit at the table while having a supper with a spoon in one hand and are eyes gazing over the chapter of Exodus most notably studying the Ten Commandments in the other hand.

    After all there is nothing wrong with going out to the Olive Garden for dinner to have the company of friends with vast amounts of ice cream vs traveling to a Irish pub eating some nachos and drinking a beer. Alcohol doesn’t equal to having a good time, but copious amounts of ice cream with the enjoyment of friendship around you does.

    If you are at all confused about this ask the Lord to open your heart to more of his understanding…
    Remember this, as children of the light we are to shine our light for all to see. Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers. HATE the Sin but LOVE the sinner. His or her soul is precious to the Lord.

    FYI: I really do think you have nice hair….

    This message has been written to you by THE CANADIAN!

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  48. This is an issue I don’t fully understand even though I’ve been thrown into the conversation because people I love have questions about their own identity. The key word here is love. I say love first and let understanding come later. And Jesus may well have gone into that comedy club in order to heal the broken hearts that hide their own pain by making fun of others… something he’s helping me with all the time 🙂

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  49. I find most comic efforts these days reflect the ongoing debasement of society in the west and are consequently difficult to watch. I have to say though, I am surprised that this person was ridiculed as people with gender dysphoria are generally treated quite gently by most people. I find most of what I come across in the media is overly concerned with validating the condition and censorious of people who are critical of it. I suppose the difficult line to tread is between compassion for such people and encouraging them. Christ calls all people to Himself and is compassionate with every sinner and this is a message of hope for us all.

    Liked by 1 person

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