The Thing about Clean Slates

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

It’s been a really interesting time that I’ve been home here.

Like, really interesting.

To the point where, I have been just so caught up in the moment, and wrapped up in life,  allowing my heart to be open…it’s almost as though I am a different person.

Let’s just say that for truly the first time, I am allowing my heart to be open and letting someone in and I have been so surprised how I’ve responded. I thought for sure that I’d be scared or keeping myself at arms distance, but honestly, it feels really good to let someone get to know me. The real me.

Anyway, that’s all I’ll say about that.

🙂

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I had a really fascinating experience last Friday.

I went to “the” bar in my hometown…you know the type…the one where everyone goes. The place you go to “bump into people” from your past, or just “be seen.” Whether you like it or not, you’re guaranteed to run into at least 7-10 people you know.

So I went there. Well, I was invited there on a particular evening. Anywho, long story short, my PSA for the day is that the Friday night before Christmas, be prepared to encounter your entire high school class if you’re out and about downtown. haha

But for real, I ran into, granted they were all young men, but probably – I kid you not – 45 guys that I hadn’t seen since high school.

Let me rephrase that.

I ran into 45 really handsome men from high school, all of whom, the last they had seen me, I was 78 pounds and deep in the throes of anorexia.

Yeah.

Puts a bit of a different spin on it when you put it that way, doesn’t it.

Yeah. I’ve undergone…quite the transformation.

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Shop this look!

But I’m not going to lie, the entire ride there, on the way to meet a particular someone, I was just sweating bullets, getting my undies all in a bundle about how people would react to seeing me.

And not in a narcissistic, warped sense of importance, but just a…holy crap, I feel like I’m having some sort of big reveal, a la extreme home makeover.

MOVE. THAT. BUS!

180px-Ty_Pennington

jk

But I’ll tell you what. I’ve gotta hand it to these gentlemen. They gave me the warmest welcome.

“Caralyn ____________?!?!!! Oh my gosh, how the hell are ya!?”

Or my personal favorite, “Caralyn ________’s in the building!”

But seriously, I was completely accepted. Given a clean slate. Taken in as the young woman standing in front of them that night.

And I had an absolute blast. Didn’t want the evening to end, in fact. For a number of reasons 🙂

But coming home that night, taking my makeup off, brushing my teeth, I actually started crying a little bit – so overjoyed by the graciousness and love shown to me that night.

High school was a really hard time for me. I went from homecoming court/varsity soccer player/dating the football captain, to an isolated, lifeless shell of my former self, flirting with death, all on display for my high school peers to witness.

Those same peers that welcomed me with open, loving arms that night.

And it made me think. You know, life happens. For everybody.

Sure, I may have fought a very public battle against anorexia, literally wearing my issues on my body. But nearly everyone in that bar that night had gone through their own struggles.

None of us are immune to hardships or challenges, and the thing is, we’re all bringing different baggage to the table.

And talk to a person long enough, and you’ll realize that there are a lot of different levels to a person. Most don’t meet the eye.

But it turns out, it’s those levels that make us who we are.

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It’s those levels and layers that shape us into the people we are today.

And everybody’s got ’em.

I’m so grateful to those guys for offering me a clean slate. For letting me be the woman in front of them, rather than the girl they remember.

Because let me tell ya, the young woman in front of them is fun. She is goofy. She is whole. She is continuing to heal and accepting herself more and more every day. And gosh da she has a lot to offer 🙂

What a way to welcome 2018. Out with the old and in with the new.

Sounds like a great 2018 slogan to me 🙂

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188 thoughts on “The Thing about Clean Slates”

  1. What an insightful and positive reveal that was, and so many others will draw courage because of your honesty. I think I caught a hint of someone on the horizon who may have happy possibilities? We are praying for that for you.

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    1. hey again Ian! gosh, thank you so much 🙂 happy possibilities, i think that’s a great way to put it 🙂 thanks for your prayers 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  6. Beautiful tale. I dreaded my 30th HS reunion but I soon realized that everyone had changed since HS. It wasn’t as good as your story but it changed my feelings about those days. On another note, I’m not surprised that you were the recipient of some of the love that you put out there everyday.

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  9. Remember my favorite quote ever “Normal is a setting on a washing machine”. The whole world is screwed up some people hide it better than others. And some lay it out for the world to see in hopes that others see that normal isn’t really a real thing. Merry Christmas to my fav blogger.

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    1. hahah i love that quote SO MUCH!! wow – amazing. thank you so much for your kind words! merry christmas to you too Rachel! and Happy 2018!! big big big hugs to you x

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  15. I love that you had this insight at home among the very people who watched you through your dark times. It is very healing to be accepted by those who knew you when. Congratulations on taking the chance and opening yourself to this opportunity.

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  16. Thank you for sharing your beautiful and brave experience with the world! That took courage, both to face those ghosts, and then again to write it all down. I’m so happy you’ve found peace with yourself!

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    1. thanks friend!! yeah, it was a really great night 🙂 thanks for always being so kind and positive! means a lot 🙂 happy early 2018! Hugs and love xox

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  19. Wow! Love this post. Completely relatable- when I went back to school after I had surgery, no one cared that I was in a wheelchair. I got lots of, “Robyn! You’re back!” Followed up with a hug. So I totally get it and I’m so happy you had a good night!!

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  20. Warm hugs because I bet as well as a real interesting time, its been a real COLD time. It certainly has here -18 this morning!! Clean slates with people from the past are great. Let me tell ya about we men, it takes many of us a LONG LONG time to mature and actually stop being childish, discriminatory, and the whole immature lot, toward others. Right now for many of them, seeing you was like seeing a fresh rose in a new garden. You cast a light upon that whole place no doubt. What brings about that light to others is that you yourself take everybody you see in without any toxicity that many others do. That beauty about you brings out better in others. Happy New Year ahead with many hugs and love!! Your light is more valuable than all the crystal in the Times Square Ball!! xoxoxo

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    1. -18!!! Oh my gosh stay warm my friend!! And wow what a kind thing to say. Thank you 🙂 i am truly touched. Your light is too Migueltio!! Hugs and love xox

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  21. Great post – oddly enough, I am now the opposite of this now after numerous years out of High School. I was invited to “Friendsgiving” to see and spend time with a group of people I used to spend a great deal of time with. Planned on going, but that day as the time got closer and closer, I just couldn’t do it. Not sure why really, but the anxiety of going to a place where I left so many memories behind overwhelmed me and I couldn’t do it. Glad you got so much from that and hope that continues for you. Thanks for sharing

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    1. Thank you so much! I totally get that. It’s definitely anxiety inducing to think about returning to your past. Thanks for your kind words 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  25. Such a great story. You are truly surrounded by positive people that really see you for who you are. That’s what I need to do in 2018…surround myself with people who have good energy that is so contagious that I can help to spread them around. Hope you have a Happy New Year Caralyn!

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  26. Beauty, beauty, beauty! You are gifted and beautiful and it is great that you share yourself and your story with such generosity and candor. Well done. xxx

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  29. I am long removed from the home for the holidays description above both in years and geographically. I do remember it well and at times longingly. Your description of your change and your grace and pride in who you’ve become AND how you are now seen is very touching. Thank you.

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  31. …”And talk to a person long enough, and you’ll realize that there are a lot of different levels to a person. Most don’t meet the eye. But it turns out, it’s those levels that make us who we are. …” So true! Love this. Thanks for sharing levels with us.

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  34. Why thank someone for receiving the light that you shine? For wanting to have more of it?

    I am single, but I recognize how attractive I am to women, and that they attraction is related to the fact that I don’t dump my dirt on them. I create space in which they can be their best selves.

    What they don’t understand is that in God they are capable of being that way all of the time. I have to work really hard to avoid allowing them to make me responsible for that relationship.

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      1. You’re welcome.

        As for 2018? It’s the end of the beginning or the beginning of the end. I can’t see any longer how to fulfill the purpose I was came to achieve.

        But thanks for the well-wishing. I see a wonderful year ahead for you, my dear.

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    1. Aw thank you Jeff! Looking forward to read them! Yeah i was out to dinner with some friends last night and didn’t get it up until late. Have a great day friend! Hugs and love xox

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  36. Thanks for sharing Caralyn. No one is perfect we all have our baggage that we carry. We need to all be more open to accept love in our heart. How nice would it be if we all were welcoming and kind to strangers. We don’t know what someone is going through and that small gesture would make a world of difference to them.

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  39. Thank you so much for sharing!! Letting the past behind you and living in the moment, being truly present is one of the most difficult things to do but your story encourages me to try again and again!! Thank you so much!!

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  43. Great! I can identify with you probably on a good number of levels. Even though I’m past 60, a male, and working in a factory job 13 hour days, and have our daughter and grandkids living with us right now (their pipes froze), our grandkids here most everyday anyhow as my wife takes care of them. So our hands full. And I face the new year with changes and there’s different things which put a dread into me. And getting used to this 13 hour schedule, add a half hour to that, and another hour as I get to work early enough, and you understand the point. Sorry for me sharing all of this. But my high school wasn’t the greatest, either. I was a recluse. I really try to reach out and be different now, but it’s not automatic and easy for me. I am reading through Bloom the second time and hope to get a real high double thumbs up review by the new year. I ordinarily like to read through a book twice before I review it, as I am a processor. And good books are that way, anyhow. But this book hits home for me in many ways, though I’ve never had an eating disorder (maybe lack of self-control over chocolates might be one?), but plenty of other disorders along the way. And I’m sure a few nagging at me right now. But happy for you in your good time recently, and the new chapter that’s opening up for you.

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    1. Hi Ted, thank you so much for sharing what you’ve going through. Gosh sounds like quite the season. I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers. And thanks for reading Bloom, I’m so glad it has hit home with you. Sending you the biggest of hugs, my friend. Xoxoxoxoxoxooxox

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      1. Thanks, Caralyn. I want to make clear that I don’t consider an eating disorder anything to make light of. The thought on lacking self-control on chocolates actually can be quite destructive, but in no way compares to a really eating disorder. So that was not meant as a joke. So glad for your ministry in helping those with life threatening eating disorders. And I find it a help to me as well, an encouragement with wisdom and good reminders of the salvation and help for us in the Lord.

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  44. God is letting you walk “on your high places” those places that hurt all of us so bad in the past as we tried so hard to climb those mountains of life. It is so great when we get to have a little “do over”! BTW I love the “shop the look” feature. You are so beautiful inside and out! Happy New Year, I know God has blessings coming your way!

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    1. that is such a beautiful thought. thank you Nina. You’re right, i do feel like I’ve been given a bit of a do over 🙂 oh awesome! i’m so glad you like it! i was a little hesitant to start that feature, but it’s actually a pretty nifty program! hope you have a beautiful 2018! Hugs and love xox

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  46. Is this full circle for the girl who was running from the hometown scene?
    Thinking of that line, ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ lol.
    Thanks for sharing your 2017 journey of great insights Caralyn, with the whole world no less, wow, who would have ever thought back in the day.
    Love hearing your optimistic tone coming through for 2018, I agree, its looking awesome on lots of levels.

    Keep holding ‘his’ hand and God Bless.

    PS, might be the year of Mr Right.

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