Dating Etiquette for the Social Media OBSESSED

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Romance is a dying art.

Truly. In the age of smart phones, Snapchat and communicating through emojis, dating is, frankly, limping along like a squirrel run over by a semi.

Too much?

Perhaps.

But in this era of 140 character expression, chivalry has taken a hit.

Which poses the question, what are we to expect from young men in the dating pool?

You see, I recently started dating.

Okay, let me rephrase – I started going on dates this winter.

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After receiving a literal miracle of finally having my hormones restart after a decade in recovery from a severe case of anorexia in high school, let’s just say, I’m not wasting any time in the man-friend department.

And I think I’ve finally discovered the truth behind the old adage, you’ve gotta date to find out what you don’t want in a partner. 

Sheesh.

Leave it to NYC to show you the absolute highs and the absolute lows in life. And in this case, the dating scene.

This post is coming after an episode of being absolutely miffed. Like, just picture me, pacing, scratching my head, annoyed, slightly angry, feeling like…what in the world just happened?!

Human decency, people. Human decency.

I never in a million years thought that this would have to be said…I mean…common sense, right?

But alas, here is how to treat a lady…

DATING ETIQUETTE FOR THE SOCIAL MEDIA OBSESSED

  1. I don’t know, maybe don’t make firm “TBD” plans with someone a week in advance, and then not give specific details until 25 minutes before she’s supposed to arrive.
  2. Chivalry isn’t dead: offer to pick her up. Or at the very least…call her an Uber…don’t make her call her own. Especially not in the rain…
  3. Here’s a shocker: maybe tell her she looks nice. Every other guy in the bar is noticing, perhaps you could just acknowledge that she put some effort to look nice.
  4. PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY! For crying out loud, go without your phone for an hour and a half. It’s not fun to feel as though you’re a distant second to a person’s technology.
  5. Same with a sports game. Unless you’re at a sporting event or a sports bar with the purpose of watching the game, peel your eyes off of ESPN. And for the love of all things good, refrain from shouting at the TV.
  6. Do not incessantly text, Snapchat, Instagram DM and Tweet intense conversations and build up how excited you are to hang out, and then fail to actually follow through. Some people actually believe that words have meaning.
  7. Do not ghost.
  8. Do not ghost.
  9. Do not ghost.
  10. Honestly, putting in the exhaustive emotional effort to get to know someone for three weeks, and then to vanish without a trace, is the epitome of rude. I get it, things come up, you meet other people, but have the decency – even a text message – of signing off, wishing them well, peacing out. You are not a child. Don’t act like one.

Oh the red flags I experienced are just…wow.

And not that I’m looking for a perfect prince charming, but there are just, some things that are non-negotiables.

And surely, I’m guilty of some red flags of my own, that I’m unaware of.

So here’s my question to you!

What is your dating advice?

Truly. Hit me with it. I’m here to learn, because the good Lord knows I’ve got a long way to go!

What are some of your experiences?

How much is too much to expect from men these days?

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

294 thoughts on “Dating Etiquette for the Social Media OBSESSED”

  1. I figured out something. My mathematician friend and I defined what you listed as a single person with the listed attributes. Every generation has this unachievable, much loved but unrealistic individual. The quarterback, captain of something, Mad Men, all the way back in time. The idea of catching one of these mythical men and having them behave is, probably as old as romance itself. The fact is, if you could afford the luxury of time or money…why date a normal guy?

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  2. Hi BBB, great post! Don’t give up! Mr Right is waiting for you out there. I think you will know him when you find him. It is often about timing. And patience…

    I knew I was going to marry my wife three days after our first date. I didn’t tell her that at the time of course. I’m not silly. She would have run the other way if I had told her. We got engaged four years later.

    Good luck!

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  3. A lady might have swung almost all the red flags in the list before me, on Monday. What’s worse(or am I being paranoid) is that, she protected herself with excuses.

    I didn’t feel so good. I felt she’s been acquainted with a certain category of men for too long. When she had begun tossing the..date, mentally I had backed out. Nothing in me was pleased about her integrity which she just defied. No bone, no will of mine was gonna compromise by any means to assist her then. If I try to explain why I wasn’t quite pleased (after everything!) She might go down with the thinking that i have no grace, no long suffering. But really, I believe etiquettes are for application. And so, something has to be called out to change something. Or else, we may not KNOW change at all.

    Maybe people don’t know enough ABOUT etiquettes. Or recall to practice them. Or worse still, believe they’d come across people who have some etiquette.

    So, sister, preach on!

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  4. If this is a repeat, I am sorry. When I hit submit, it failed because of my connection status, so here I go to try and repeat a very in-depth thought, I hope it is better than the original. Feel free to edit these sentences out.

    Dating, in general, I think it is worse, the men are worse, because they can go fishing for dates so much easier online than actually having to go somewhere and meet and greet so to speak.

    I personally think you should not advertise that you are looking for a man, because this draws the same natured man that you do not want, they think: Hey, she’s looking and guess what, I am a man! I would put that you are in a relationship, and you are, with Jesus Christ, on your status. This will hopefully cut down on the piranha’s and the folks that really want to know you, regardless of your relationship status will be easier to find and spot.

    I have up on the “in love” relationship, at my age, my experience, I am no longer looking for love, that has failed me. I am looking for a best friend, someone that I can talk to, say anything, have fun with drink coffee, go camping and just relate to at the deepest level. What’s funny, is the woman I have had the best conversations with have turned out to be married. So often I am disappointed, because it is usually mentioned they are married after we’ve had a moment, to me, that was she seems cool, I’d like to get to know her better . . . and then the other shoe. But, that’s the type of woman I want a relationship with is someone that respects it as I do.

    So, that’s my thoughts. Minimize the publicity of your desire to have a relationship, be conscious of people that seem to want to know you for you first. My prayers and love are always with you. God Bless!

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    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I think you really hit on an important theme here and that’s being best friends with the person. So important. Thanks for this great food for thought and I wish you luck out there!! I’ll be praying for you! Hugs and love xox

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  5. I think dating is dying. By which I mean what we call “dating” is actually a particular cultural practice that evolved in a particular social situation, but the social environment that sustained it has gone. Western civilization is replacing it with other practices, but – especially for those working within a faith-bound perspective – those practices are themselves undesirable.

    Furthermore, everyone seems very confused as to what the appropriate etiquette is, or what is desirable. I’m socially retarded, so I’d expect myself and some others to be confused, but from observation everyone seems to be confused, a natural consequence I expect of rapidly shifting mores. I don’t have any answers, let alone advice (this area is not a strength for me), but I suspect trying to hold onto what is in the grand scheme of history a very short-lived social institution is not going to work in the long run. Since what the modern West offers as a new alternative doesn’t seem all that great, some other alternative will eventually have to be found. But that could take decades, so I guess people have to make do in confusion for the time being.

    I do think, however, that the crux of the whole matter is learning what other people’s characters are truly like. And I think here it’s possible to put too much store on some of the externals. It’s possible for some truly predatory characters to put on a very good show, and appear outwardly charming and chivalrous, for their true character to only appear at a later date (pun not intended).

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    1. Thank you so much for this awesome perspective David. That’s so interesting. I think you’re right – dating is hardly a shell of what it used to be in the days of “going steady” and taking a girl to dinner and meeting her parents first. Sheesh. Thanks again. Hugs and love xox

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  6. Best advice I can offer you is to find happiness in yourself before you go looking for happiness in anyone else. You must know yourself before trying to know someone else. And I think more importantly you have to believe in yourself and learn to be *brutally honest with yourself, before attempting the same with others. And from there, for me anyway, it’s just about simple honesty and communication. I don’t go looking for a “date” to begin with. (well, I don’t date for various reasons like you noted, but also have all recently changed, hence my noticing this post.) First big problem I find is- I’m not looking for a girlfriend. That’s just too easy and can be downright pointless, as you also noted. I think I’m looking for a real and true friend that has the same interests as myself. Outside of motorcycles/airplanes/kayaks/camping, etc 😉
    That being, someone looking for a devoted spouse…(and willing to admit it) .. another person looking at the future and hoping to find a person to share that future with. But to find such a person would be to find someone that actually understands there is no magic in love, (noting the magic is in ‘falling in love’) but once the ‘newness’ is gone, real love is a commitment and choice for giving of one’s self. Equal participation. Give and give. No taking- ever. Always looking for that thing that makes it ‘feel’ new all over again… finding happiness in the giving of happiness. That kind of thing. Dating and boyfriend/girlfriend scene, well, that just seems like a game full of hope and miscommunication that leads to settling for something you really didn’t understand, or worse, find yourself not wanting. Show up with your game face on and dash the hope immediately. Give them facts and a solid plan, hey. I think you should let people know exactly what you want up front and exactly what you’re willing to offer in return. When did it become bad to say “I’d like to find a good wife.”??

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  7. “You know what time it is–!” That’s right; catch up on BBB time–you know, since I’m still not totally sure I’ve finished puking my extra set of guts out yet.

    But that lovely image aside, when I looked your page up to see what was new I said, “Caralyn on dating – this is gonna be a good one!” But then, I say that about most of your titles 😉

    I can’t offer a whole lot of dating advice – my dating career only lasted five years for one lucky lady 😁 (lucky in potential only, not initial face value 😉) but I think my best dating advice would be to invest in a dapper global technological shut-down before going out. Oh don’t worry; Facebook is backed up on a disk somewhere.

    But in all seriousness. I watched a video this morning someond shared on facebook (this is ironic) and it was this guy explaining how getting messages and notifications lets off dopamine in our brains–we’re literally addicted (I know I am and it terrifies me just a little bit.) Not only that, but the average attention span is lower than a gold fish (did I get that fact from one of your blogs, because I’m feeling a little deja vu here 😆); we’re down to around 2 1/2 minutes: just try watching a 5-minute video, I literally start to get antsy around the 2 minute mark, I’m not even getting up to the average mark 😂

    And then there are people like me: I’m a polite-at-heart person, I don’t want to be sending out unfriendly vibes and I’m a chronic people-pleaser, but I have zero social interaction skills. The times I just stare blankly at a person instead of returning their ‘Hi how are you?’s are the kind of things that keep me up at night over-thinking. But I carry around a crutch in my pocket and any time the awkward silence sets in I’ve got an anxiety sheild plus instant gratification–until I start worrying about what the other people are thinking about me being on my cell phone at such inappropriate times – then I’m hooped 😂

    And I say that laughing because I know my own struggles but it’s a serious thing: social interaction has been hi-jacked by the quick fix of social media so yes, you really do have to say it. On your media.

    And I so appreciate you championing this because SOME of us have to or we will be reduced to AI cell phones texting each other for us (an actual real thing that is being developed RIGHT NOW) so huzzah!

    And it makes me think; now, I’m going really extreme here but a while back I sent out a christmas package to a friend of mine (I won’t go into detail about how many weeks after Christmas I was still building up the powerpunch to get through the anxiety of actually taking that package to the post office and mailing it) and I wrote a long, handwritten letter to go along. My thumb was literallu still sore the next morning because it’s been SO long since I used cursive that my hand has literally forgotten how to hold the pen without putting it in a freaking death grip. Now I’ve started journalling again–in cursive–because I just felt like I needed to reacquire some lost arts.

    But anyway I’m babbling now and it may just be the mild fever but I want to save a little for the rest of the posts I have yet to catch up on (: see you on yesterday’s tomorrow!

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    1. Hey Carson! oh gosh, i hope you feel better soon! being sick is the worst. and thanks for sharing your thoughts and advice on this. I know! handwriting is a dying art, and it’s so sad! there’s something so beautiful about writing out prayers or letters or journals with a pen and paper – it makes it so special and meaningful. Praying for your quick healing! hugs to you x

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  8. I can imagine that phones make things more difficult rather than easier. I dated in the days of good old fashioned love letters when we were apart. texting doesn’t quite say as much. And as for dating no no’s, on our first Valentine’s day my husband (who I had been seeing for about two months), bought me flowers and a card. I was grateful until I realised that the flowers were fake (he did that deliberately to wind me up) and the card had a picture of Quasimodo (don’t ask). Fortunately he stopped doing Valentines day after that.

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    1. Thanks for this reflection. Oh love letters. What I wouldn’t give for a hand written love letter! Haha hopeless romantic these days 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  9. I was in Hollywood yesterday. A studio executive called me a hopeless romantic and fearless crusader. I thought that was about the greatest compliment, ever.

    I think about love, a lot. It is an ever changing act of self sacrifice, diligence, and bravery. That first kiss. That first hold says, that love is enough.

    So. Our current dating culture shortens what love could be. Cheats everyone of what two people could have because, of green grasses on Instagram. Selling everyone short for the temporary high of a bit of attention rather than the fleshy person with googly eyes in front of you. We will have many cycles like this because we accept these normals projected not from places of love. People were dating before dating shows but they now set the unreal expectations.

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    1. Wow how interesting. That’s so true – they are not from places of love at all. Great food for thought. Thanks Kenzie. Hugs and love xox

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  10. I read things like this and it makes me sad and frustrated with the males who make it hard for men who are trying to be and do right (though none of us is perfect). I apologize for those who don’t represent the male species very well (but always seem to be the ones who get the opportunity to try). They are what would be called in the urban-contemporary vernacular of hip hop culture “whack emcees” or “sucka emcees”…weak rhymes and delivery. But I digress. I’m divorced and in my 40’s…so at my age I’m not interested in dating…it’s “I’m feeling you, you’re feeling me, are we gonna do this ish or what?” I don’t have time to play or figure things out. 😂 But I digress again. Your list: 🖒. It’s unrealistic expectations that lead to disappointment…your expectations are on point. Be encouraged…there are still respectful gentlemen in this world (we are a rare and often passed-over/friend-zoned breed). I pray that godly man finds you as his Proverbs 18:22 “treasure/good thing”, beautiful soul.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. You’re right – there are godly men out there 🙂 I mustn’t lose hope! Hugs and love xox

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  11. Wishing you all the best on the dating scene. Boundaries are extremely important and working out what for you is dealbreaking behavour and being prepared to walk away, if your boundaries are crossed. For example ghosting for me would be a definite no-no. It can be a classic red flag.

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