My Unseen Recovery

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First of all: to the person who used my Amazon link to order a pair of pizza socks that literally comes in their own miniature cardboard pizza box….a) Can we be friends? b) You’re winning at life. And C) Thank you for using my link! 🙂

OK, so real talk: this was a tough weekend for America.

We’re losing miserably at the Olympics. Facebook is a dumpster fire of people soapboxing about guns. Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theurox split up. Kids are staging a school walk out protest. And to top it off, the weather is having an anxiety attack, much like us – with snow storms one day, followed by 75 degrees the next day. Basically, we’re all a little on edge.

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At least Kylie’s pregnancy rumors have been put to rest.

But I wanted to just take a little breather tonight, and perhaps go in a different direction than I had planned.

This post is for a very special reader — you know who you are.

Sometimes we wake up one morning, and struggle to comprehend how we got to where we are right now.

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There are a lot of things about my recovery that I don’t share about on here. Hard to believe, I know…I mean, everything from my virginity, to my love life, to my failures, politics, and even reproductive health! – have been fair game thus far…But there are parts of my recovery that I never really talk about.

And mainly because it involves a lot of sadness for me.

One of the most challenging aspects of my recovery has been mourning the loss of time.

Grieving for the adolescence I never had. For the vibrant girl who never got to laugh and dance and love and fall and get up and bloom. I had to mourn that loss. Mourn the life I didn’t get to live during my eating disorder.

 

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Right before I developed anorexia

The fact is, I spent a good four or five years enslaved to my anorexia, and then directly followed by another year on bedrest for my ulcerative colitis. So close to six years during my formative years – was spent not living.

Instead of growing into the young woman I was supposed to be, and pursuing my dreams, setting goals, making friends, having fun – I was chained to my eating schedule and excessive exercise regime. Crippled with obsession about food, yet avoiding it at all costs, no matter the social or bodily implication. There was no life – From the panicked moment my eyes snapped opened in the morning to the anxious collapse at the end of the day. Never a moment of peace. For six years.

One of the biggest challenges for me, today – healthy and whole – is coming to terms with that time I can never get back. And accepting the loss of that pivotal time in my life.

Truthfully, if I spend a lot of time thinking about it, I can still feel my chest tighten in anger. But I rest in the hope of something that is bigger and greater than me. I have to. It is the only way to cope.

I have to trust that God is in control. I just have to. I have to believe that God will not let that strife be for naught.

And I have to believe that I still have something to offer. That He has something planned for me to do. Some way to use that darkness for light. Letting it not have been in vain.

That is why this blog came to be. That why I wrote my book. Laying it all out there with the hopes of offering encouragement to people with all types of adversity in their lives – including eating disorders.

I know that God will use my painful season for good. That is who our God is. That is how He operates. Time and time again, He demonstrates that — including with His own Son.

How easily we forget or gloss over the fact that for forty days — forty days— Jesus — God’s Son — was left alone in the desert to be tempted by satan. I mean, that is outrageous. First of all, I can’t imagine the will power it must have taken for God not to just swoop down and save His Son. But also – I can’t imagine how alone Jesus must have felt.

It is one of those situations from the Bible that is truly impossible to fully comprehend.

But if there’s one thing that shows, it’s that “desert periods” will occur in life. We will go through the desert. We will feel alone. And forgotten. Maybe inadequate. Possibly despairing. But our suffering doesn’t negate the Father’s love, as hard as that is to believe. And when we find ourselves in the middle of that desert, it’s even harder to believe that one day, we will ever be whole, or useful, or thriving again.

It turns out that Jesus’s “desert period” was simply the overture before the symphony. It was leading up to the purpose of His life.

He was never forgotten. He was being formed.

I still carry a lot of shame and feelings of inadequacy – believing that because of my past, I am broken or less than. But the truth is, God takes all things that are broken and makes them new. He turns the dust into clay, and that clay into beautiful masterpieces.

Lord, help me to believe that. 

Help me see the work you are doing in me.

And may you feel His hands forming you. too.

 

***THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS ORDERED MY BOOKS, BLOOM: A JOURNAL BY BEAUTYBEYONDBONES AND “MY BLOGGING TIPS“***

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

323 thoughts on “My Unseen Recovery”

  1. Of course you still have something to offer–and you’re doing it. As long as the Lord gives one life, he or she has a purpose to live for, something to offer others. So live life to the fullest!

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  2. “Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do.”
    Ecclesiastes 9:7
    May you live in the joy of God’s love, made manifest in His Son, our Lord, Jesus Christ.

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  3. Gosh, can I relate? My best years were spent sitting on a bar stool. College career, military career, good jobs all down the toilet. But, I believe that’s the only place God could have reached me. And today, it’s OK. I have a good life, so do you. Aren’t we the lucky ones?

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    1. Hi Larry! Thank you so much for sharing your story and for your thoughtful and encouraging words. We are so lucky! Hugs and love XOXO

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  4. There’s a reason we’re told God will provide beauty from ashes and joy from mourning. You are beautiful now and you were beautiful then. Every phase, even in the middle of your anorexia, God saw you as absolutely, stunningly, completely beautiful. Time is such an odd thing . . . I think we all have regrets about time lost or ill-spent. But God doesn’t waste any of those experiences, and he’ll find a way to make even those lost years beautiful in their own way. Love and BIG hugs. ~Lynda

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    1. Hi Lynda, thank you So much for this beautiful and encouraging response. You’re so right! God will not waste that. Hugs and love XOXO

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  6. Those of us who don’t always comment miss the Like button. Most of the time you probably won;t even miss us, but why did you remove the Like button and force us to comment? You know I enjoy your posts but you’ll never see another like from me because of your desire to only see comments. Sad.

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    1. Hi Walt, and I’m sorry I don’t know what you mean? I did not remove any like button? If it is not showing up on your browser I am concerned and confused. I will contact word press about this and I’m sorry for your inconvenience! I recently switched to a premium account that I have to pay for, so maybe the like button got lost in The switch. I hope this finds you well. And I do appreciate your and every person’s readership very much. Hugs and love XOXO

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      1. OK great! Thanks for the clarification! Glad to hear he hasn’t been completely lost! I’m drafting my email to the powers that be at word press right now! Thank you both for the heads up!

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  7. As always, you’ve managed to speak to something I personally believe many of us can identify with. I, sometimes, sit back and wonder if my struggles have meant anything and whether I have used them to encourage someone else. But I’m constantly reminded daily that although I may not see whose lives may be touched, Someone greater than myself sees everything. That brings comfort and strength to continue moving forward. You’re awesome and you’re appreciated…remember that!

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    1. Hi Sean! Thank you so much for your kind words about my post. I’m so glad it resonated with you! You’re so right, we can use what we go through to help others! Hugs and love XOXO

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  8. Thank you for this — I really needed it. There are so many times that I’ve been in the desert period, despairing over lost time and what I could have done. But your description as it being the “overture before the symphony” is so apt. It’s a great reminder for me that I need to set my eyes on the goal and remember that whatever trials I go through are formative, and they aren’t for nothing. Thanks again! ^-^

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    1. Hi Abby! Thank you for your kind words. I’m so glad this struck a chord with you. Ha ha yeah I’ve always been a bit of a musical geek. Glad you appreciated the metaphor! Hugs and love XOXO

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    1. Hi Janelle! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! Yes you are certainly right about that! Hugs and love XOXO

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  11. Excellent essay. Wishing you a healthy, long, lively, lovely life and days way too amazing to waste a minute of thought on six years long gone behind you. Thank you.

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  12. I love this: “It turns out that Jesus’s ‘desert period’ was simply the overture before the symphony. It was leading up to the purpose of His life.” And because of His sacrifice, the same is true for us! You are a beautiful symphony, Caralyn, for God’s glory. Your overture was filled with many minor keys only emphasizing the beautiful melodies and harmonies he now plays through you. God bless dear lady. You are an inspiration and a masterpiece!🎶

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    1. Thank you so much Robin! That’s so true… It’s the same for you and me! Thank you for your beautiful and affirming words. It truly touched my heart. Hugs and love XOXO

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  13. Hey little sister.
    Thank you for opening up that raw hidden sadness. I’m with ya, on that one.
    Be joyful about that 6 years. There, you will find all the big that only you will know. Secrets between you and God. Defining, hidden gems.
    I lost thirty years drunk whilst my kids grew up. Shit that hurts. But it’s okay. I know stuff that you don’t. Hehehe.
    Love alwaz
    Mike

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    1. Hey Mike, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I’m sorry that this hits so close to home for you. You’re right that time transforms us and becomes a gem. Hugs and lots XOXO

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  14. I love your heart, it shows in your writing. Let me assure you that you are the treasure that has risen like an albatross from the ashes of your pain. Rest assured that you have touched lives in a way you will never know.

    You talk about lost time, and getting angry about it. I know it is a challenge, but you see that time gave you the beautiful person you are right this very moment. Time is inconsequential. Think about Yeshua (Jesus) and what he did in three years; how we live and breath (and I search for more) every word and thing we can know about him.

    Time is inconsequential if just one life has been affected positively by your voice, you can close your eyes and rest knowing you have given life to another human.

    Thank you for your heart, from the bottom of my heart.

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    1. Hi Shammah, Thank you so much for the stuff whole response. So many powerful nuggets of wisdom here. I’m very touched. Hugs and love XOXO

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  15. So what I needed to read today. Thank you! My life has NOT turned out the way I thought. Each time I think I know what life will bring God allows something different. But God IS faithful. Always faithful and good. Thank you for the reminder.

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    1. Hey friend, thank you so much for your honesty and kind words. So glad you found this encouraging! Hugs and love XOXO

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      1. Oh, and by the way, I wouldn’t say we’re getting our butts kicked in the Olympics… we usually do better in the Summer Olympics.

        (And I have it on now… Brita Sigourney, who just won bronze in ski halfpipe, was born about 30 miles from where I was born, and we both went to the same university, although she’s a bit younger than me. I didn’t know her; I’ve just been hearing about her from the university’s Facebook page.)

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      2. That’s what my dad said too…haha Oh wow! that’s awesome! — I’m going to turn it on now — I’ve been watching the Bachelor! ahahah

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  17. your post today was beautifully written beauty…immediately I thought of the scripture from Jeremiah which I’m sure you have read in your devotions = Jeremiah 29:11: ‘For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.’ I copied that verse from the Living Bible, known as the Way, a special edition I own proudly that was printed in 1976 as 19th printing from original 1971 copyright by Tyndale (illustrated, photos by Youth for Christ International).

    The Most High himself called you and He will establish and strengthen you for every good work and word!

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    1. Thank you so much friend, for your kind and encouraging words. That scripture verse is so encouraging! Thank you. Hugs and love XOXO

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  18. Today, on my first day of my #40day partial fast, I asked God to grant me direction for the future. What is my mission statement? He gave me these verses for myself and they remind me of you! We are both part of this ministry of healing both ourself and others! Thank you always for your vulnerability and your unquenchable hope. Anyhow, here they are:
    “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on Me because He has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor, bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners…to comfort all who mourn and provide for all those who grieve, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.” (Isaiah 61:1-3)

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    1. Wow what an incredible accomplishment! What a beautiful active service to God! Thank you so much for these profound thoughts and encouraging words. Hugs and love XOXO

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  19. I think about my own recovery from active alcoholism. I have been sober now for almost as long as I drank. Every day I discover something I missed because I was drinking, just simple relaxing, for example, or an honest conversation with my wife. So the losses are recognized.

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    1. Hi David! Thank you so much for sharing your story and for your honesty. I’m sorry to hit so close to home for you. It sounds like you have a great support system at home.Hugs and love XOXO

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  21. I happened upon Philip Glass’s work on the Truman Show. 🤓 It was really good though.

    Six years is a long time. Slightly less than forever. It would definitely feel like forever. I can see a little bit more now. Maybe. Loss is like a good ocean storm. It pulls you out further than you want and gives, nothing. Nothing but experience. A will to appreciate.

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    1. Slightly less than forever – that is a really powerful thing to remember. An ocean storm – yes. Images from The Perfect Storm come to mind. thank you for sharing your heart and thoughts Kenzie. Hugs and love xox

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      1. “The day I laid eyes on you I said she’s gonna be a good one.” (Billy Tyne)

        That’s good to look for in a guy. Someone with heart. Not so, salty. 😂

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      3. I have a friend that was at the Denver Symphony for a while. Musician. She would have these similar moments you wrote about. Same age I think. Age makes one able to just go, oh well. Missed the bus. Oh well. That link to being and that any effort is your best. To overcome. That one must, fail, a lot. In public. And. Often. Before any glimmer of mastery appears. Not to be confused with burning out which is, also fun. Well. Kinda.

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      5. What makes you feel that you are owed these years though? I didn’t have them. Lots of people I know didn’t also.

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  22. I struggle with this too. Wasted time. I spent a dozen years with an alcoholic and now I’m raising 2 teenagers basically by myself. I regret the loss of all those years and I regret and struggle to forgive myself for my children having a mother who causes them so much pain. I’m 44 and sometimes I feel so old. But I know I’m not. And while many “good” years are behind me, I have faith that there are many more to come. What is the saying? The best time to plant a tree is 100 years ago? The second best time is now? And I’m so grateful for my children and all the gifts in my life. Your posts mean a lot to me and obviously a lot to others too. And your past is where the power comes from. It is sad that you missed out on so much. I’m sorry. But you have so much ahead of you and God is right beside you. God bless.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your heart and your story. I’m sorry this hits so close to home. Amen – many many more good years to come. Sounds like your kids are really blessed to have you 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  23. Hi, I am truly sorry to cut in but sweet Lady, I cannot scroll your page at all and I follow you on facebook but it links here on your blog. I am trying my best but if I do not see your posts I cannot get to understand what you are writing about. Am I making sense?
    I left you a message on facebook as well. I am not stalking you LOL i would like to be able to read your blog again but something is wrong and I am afraid I need a new computer that I cannot buy. Please share some of your blogs on the facebook page!! Thank you, God Bless you and forgive my intrusion.

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    1. oh gosh, I’m sorry about that Patricia! I’m not sure why that is happening! I will reach out to WordPress and see if they have any answers. Sorry for the inconvenience! Hugs and love xox

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  24. The life you led has made you into the person you are today and from what I’m reading, you have much strength, compassion, faith and purpose. We celebrate so many holidays, including mother’s day, father’s day, grandparents’ day., etc. But the one person we forget to celebrate is ourselves. To recognize how far we have come in this world. We fail to recognize the strength we have, how much we have grown and how many people’s lives we have affected. Take a moment and honor yourself for how much you have experienced and the fact that you survived. No, you didn’t do it alone. None of us do, b/c I think we all have that help from God, or our loved ones, or from unseen guides who are with us always. But in truth, you are the one who did the work and didn’t give up. That time wasn’t wasted and now you have the capacity to help others going through the same struggles. So kudos to you, girl.

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    1. gosh this is such a kind comment. thank you so much. You’re right – we need to remember our journey and how far we’ve come. thank you for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  25. Yours is most definitely a story of victory. Your positive outlook despite the dark times in your life is very encouraging. Right after I posted about droughts in our lives, I read your post about desert experiences. May God continue to multiply your influence and help them find the same victory you walk in today.

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  26. “For some Christians, it’s imperative that the world was created in six literal days, otherwise their entire belief system falls apart. Christianity came to rely heavily on technique, formula, and certitude instead of the more alluring power of story, myth, and narrative. The whole point of Scripture is the transformation of the soul. But when we stopped understanding myth, we stopped understanding how to read and learn from sacred story or Scripture. Children delight in hearing the same fantastical stories over and over again because they are open to awe, mystery, and discovery. Oh that we could all read the creation story with similar childlike wonder and open-heartedness!”

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  27. I wish there was a ❤button on here. Where do I start? First of all, I lament the years I spent drunk and unmotivated. Time lost. Nothing like what you have dealt with. You’re right, you’ll never get them back. But let’s use an Olympic analogy. You’re a Bob sledder that overplayed a corner and lost a critical second. The announcer quickly points out that the second can be made up.
    After your recovery you have done so much good for yourself and those around you that you have (potentially)made up the lost time. If you can look at it like that. Your life has so much quality now it compensates for when it didn’t

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    1. aw thank you so much Billy for sharing your heart and your thoughts. I’m sorry this hits so close to home. But i’m so glad we’ve found the freedom of recovery. big big hugs xox

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  31. As always, your raw honesty helps all of us who struggle with one issue or another to not feel alone … thus from the pain comes hope. I always know I’m going to find a treasure in your posts. Once again, I wasn’t disappointed.

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    1. aw, thank you so much friend. I’m so glad that this struck a chord with you. hope you’re having a beautiful night. Hugs and love xox

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  32. Oh my sweet Miss Caralyn there is no obligation, now or ever to reveal everything to us. Just like our Creator God lives in the mystery of the Trinity; we have the gift of a hidden life, an interior life that is for God alone. It is this place wherein we get to grow in our relationship with Him. Much of Jesus’ early life is hidden from us and our Blessed Mother’s life is hidden.
    A friend commented that it’s obvious that I withhold something when I blog – it’s true I do, either details that aren’t pertinent to the blog post, things that might reveal information about a person that prompted the post, or thing that are intensely personal to me. I don’t ever want to embarrass or shame anyone. My Sweetie chooses not to have a public life so I must protect that.
    I’m honored to enter in where you allow, and you’re comfortable.

    God bless!!!

    Teri

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    1. Oh Teri, thank you so much for this beautiful and affirming response. thank you . Yeah, it definitely is a bit scary putting such intimate stuff out there, but for whatever reason, i feel it is what I am called to do. Amen to that – God is amazing, isn’t He!? Big hugs to you xo

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  33. Thank you for sharing so honestly. I can appreciate your struggle… I don’t want to come across cliche … Because I struggle with being stuck in circumstances that take time to process and get through… But I can see your brokenness being used as a platform. I’ve heard for every one person that comments 50 or more read. You have a huge platform and when you get to Heaven I have not doubt you will have so many people you will meet who you’ve impacted. Keep up the good work. I know you’ve impacted me. Thank you.

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    1. thank you so much Christi. I’m glad this resonated with you. And gosh – what a kind thing to say. thank you for touching my heart tonight. sending massive hugs xoxo

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  34. Hey Caralyn: I will tell you again, and again, until Jesus returns if necessary, you are A FABULOUS YOUNG LADY, a work of art, sculpted by our Creator, and His work in you is not complete yet, so it is impossible to even imagine the end result you will be, when Jesus Christ, King of kings, Lord of Lords, our Creator, Designer, Healer, Sanctifier, returns in all His Glory to snatch you, me, and millions of others up to our Eternal Home. WOW…If little old me thinks that of you, imagine what Jesus thinks as He sees you, and knows already what you have ahead of you, and how you will give Him Glory.
    You know, Caralyn, as tough, and terrible as your six years were of ED and sickness, in ways that only God can do, He has molded you into a precious vessel of great value, to carry His Great News to many people.

    Romans 8:28
    And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

    God certainly did not cause you to have those years in your life, but He will, and is able, to work in and through whoever is willing to serve.

    Romans 8:37
    No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

    You certainly are a conqueror, Caralyn, with the Power of the Holy Spirit, the same Spirit who raised Jesus from death, has raised you from the death of real life you were in, and has given you a new life, an Abundant Life in Jesus Christ Himself.

    Not glorifying what you suffered and went through, but if you had not suffered that way, you would not be able to help thousands today in the same strong way you do.
    Only Jesus knows His plans in the future for you, and as you seek Him, His Spirit will guide you, fill you, open doors you haven’t even seen the location of yet. As long as you continue to seek and desire more of Jesus Christ, the better you will know Him.
    Those years in the wasteland, will be repaid by the Lord, although He did not take them, He will replenish abundantly.

    Joel 2:25
    “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten —
    the great locust and the young locust,
    the other locusts and the locust swarm—
    my great army that I sent among you.

    God has placed gifts within you Caralyn, by His Spirit, that are still there waiting to be utilized, for His Glory, and the favour of many people. He does not remove His gifts.

    Romans 11:29
    for God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable.

    I am so looking forward to hearing in the future years of the great things our God has done in lives through your willingness in allowing Him to pour His oil through you, Caralyn, touching many.

    Just for your information, I relate a little, not so severely, but probably in a worse way. When I was young, pre teen, I knew Jesus, and accepted Him as my Saviour. I knew, and still know, I had His call on my life at that time for full time service.
    In my late teens, I walked away from God, to join “friends” in the world. Holy Spirit kept calling, I kept running, not knowing where, just in circles. I no longer hung out with those same friends, but didn’t turn back to Jesus either.
    To shorten a long story about 12 years later, as I thought I was still running, Holy Spirit grabbed hold of me in a place I least expected.
    He held me tight, gave me a desire for the Word of God, as well as the Living Word of God, which has never left since that day, and I am 72 now.
    The gifts and hunger God put in me when I was young, sprouted out again, and Jesus has worked in and through me in many ways, as He is and will through you.
    I had thoughts for many years also, of those 12-14 wasted years and what could have been.
    Holy Spirit showed me how the enemy keeps bringing those thoughts back, they are thoughts of condemnation, and there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.

    Romans 8:1
    Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus

    Holy Spirit will encourage, edify, and empower you Caralyn, as you desire to Glorify Jesus, serving our Heavenly Father.

    God Bless you my Friend.
    Sorry I kept on going here, but I felt the Spirit leading.

    Luv,
    ❤️

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    1. Oh George, I am all choked up after this incredibly beautiful and affirming note! thank you my dear friend. What comforting and encouraging scriptures. Thank you for sharing those. And I so appreciate you sharing your story. I’m so glad that the Holy Spirit grabbed you tight and didn’t let go 🙂 amen – there is no condemnation in Christ. Friend, you are a blessing to me, and I am so grateful to have you in my life! big big big hugs xox

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  35. Thanks for sharing. Many go through what you describe whether it is drug addiction recovery, a painful childhood and a host of many other “desert times” or as I think of it, being in the wilderness. But you are right, not many talk about those days and all the grief and feelings of loss from those days. It is true that many carry feelings of shame and inadequacy. It takes courage to reject those feelings and see them as lies. You are right that we must believe that the crushing served a purpose. Perhaps the purpose is so we will see others going down a similar path and be able to have compassion and be able to give them encouragement and hope. I’m not sure. i just know that God is good and He works for our good. So HIs grace is enough.

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    1. thank you so much friend. Yeah, recovery is the same no matter what the origin. The wilderness – that’s an accurate description! so true. thank you so much my friend. big hugs to you xo

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  36. I think its so amazing that you bare everything on this blog. You truly make a difference for those going through similar things ❤️ Be proud of who you’ve become and the fact you’re sitting there, writing and inspiring and motivating and being a healthy happy you. Xx

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  37. I’ve been following this blog lately if only to remind myself that beautiful, God-fearing women still exist beyond the small cowboy towns that I call home. Even in these towns, concepts like faith and belief in God have grown to be pretty rare phenomena. I mean, if I have to listen to one more 20-something tell me how she sees herself as “spiritual” but doesn’t really buy into any religion, I might just have a nervous breakdown!

    It’s nice to read about someone who has overcome her trials and who is becoming like diamond in her faith. Your life is a blessing.

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    1. Oh gosh, what a kind thing to say. Thank you Rob. I hear you there! Yeah, it definitely makes me sad to see how faith is being pushed out of our culture. i appreciate your encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  38. Triple B, I am well acquainted with loss due to years of abuse and the aftermath of it–and loss of time that we can’t get back. Our Father God knows this, so there is a sweet promise I cling to still today knowing it will come because He has promised to replace what we lost. The same goes for you, dear one! “I will repay you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten” (Joel 2:25). And for fun, read to the end of the chapter. True, it is a promise to Israel–and as a believer, don’t forget that you are a “Spiritual Israel” as it were, so in my book it is a promise to you as well. Your Father knows what you have lost….

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    1. Hey friend, thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your story. I’m sorry that this hits so close to home for you. Amen – we can trust in His sweet promise. big hugs xox

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  41. Caralyn
    Didn’t far into it before I realized this was a truly special blog. You must have a deep well to draw from. Very deep.
    The ripples of this blog will roll outward into the lives of ultimately thousands and thousands of people in a million different ways. These are things that do not escape the notice of God.
    You are and will continue to be blessed. And suddenly, maybe when you least expect it…..God will send The Big Blessing to you.
    The perfect man God is currently holding in reserve.
    It’ll happen. It will happen.

    xoxo

    Roland

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    1. Oh Roland, thank you so much for your kind words. I am incredibly touched by such an affirming note. God is good. And I pray that it happens sooner rather than later haha hugs to you friend – you’re a blessing to me!! x

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  42. Thanks for the post, I like to think about those 40 years in the desert. It’s interesting in the implication that temptations to renounce goodness gain power when the surroundings are a wasteland. The beauty and balance within the natural world is perhaps the most crucial source of love and nourishment linking us to the spiritual center of the creation. Estranged from the presence of the living world, we more easily fall prey to despair. There is great healing power in the bounties of the created earth – all the more reason to lament the ascendancy of asphalt, concrete, wires, and walls that our starving eyes and souls are beset by. A walk through the forest is an irreplaceable gift, strengthening our resolve to prove worthy of the inheritance. A walk through the paved, steel desert of a parking lot more likely to stoke any spiritual or emotional crisis. I dearly hope more Christians become adamant environmentalists, in defense of Creation and support of life!

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    1. Hi Nichole, thank you so much for this heartfelt reflection. that’s so true – i feel so close to God in His creation. we need to protect it for sure. gg

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  44. I fight with Depression, Bipolar, and Anxiety, and I’m my past I’ve gone through a very bad relationship that lead me to now have PTSD. There’s some “off” dark days when the devil wants to sneak in our heads and whisper the “what if” or “this could’ve been your life” but you know what, I’ll take my past and all the deal that I went through because it made me stronger person today. There’s this one pastor that I listened to speak a long time ago and he said this saying that stuck with me till this day, “God bakes bread in the devils oven” and “My past does not dictate my future.” I try to live my life with no regrets but with laughter, tears, and love. Keep doing what your doing!
    Michelle 🙂

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    1. Hi Michelle, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to walk through that. Yes! It has built your foundation and given you strength and perspective. You’re an amazing person. thank you for this incredible response. Hugs and love xox

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  46. “God takes all things that are broken and makes them new. He turns the dust into clay, and that clay into beautiful masterpieces.”

    That’s why He is called the Redeemer. He takes worthless things and redeems them, making them worthy for His Glory.

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  47. Pizza socks? That’s the best!
    God is always restoring, renewing, and reviving. How He does that is amazing; He can fit more into one moment than we can in a lifetime. Since we are His, years that we feel are lost are not lost to Him. Loved this entry.

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    1. haha aren’t they!? Did you see them!? They’re really cool! i want a pair! haha thank you so much for your kind words. so glad you enjoyed this post! Hugs and love xox

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  49. Thank you my friend for your willingness to share your story. You are on your path of ministry every day. No one can ever know how many people we touch every day. Your blog speaks to many people every day. You are making a big difference. Bless you my friend.

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  50. My dear friend,

    Indeed, it must have been a very hard time for you to go through it – see yourself in comparation with other at your age at that time, dispense with a life that same-aged people used to have, lacking enjoyment and entertainment, lost in pain and despair, between hope and depression – this all was a huge test for you – and finally you have sucessfully come out of it, you have overcome it – maybe still with some bitter aftertaste. However, my dear friend, what you have won after it, is maybe much more worth than the missing 6 years in which you had to suffer awfully. Your eyes of consciousness started to get open and see the world with profound and sharper eyes – while others still may may be under the influence of the “medicine” the world is giving them, apparent amenties under closed eyes. I mean to say, see your whole process, your whole development as a Grace of God as this happening has made you the lady you are today: with deeper feelings, with a sharpened intellect with your thankfulness towards Jesus Christ. Allow these thought to ente into your heart, deep and firm, and you will experience a kind of happiness never you had before. In this understanding you will surely make good progress, dear friend.

    Wishing you all the best and a good further development on your path
    Didi

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    1. Hi Didi, thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. i think you’re right – although it was a rough season, I definitely learned a lot and grew from the experience. thank you for your friendship and kindness. big big hugs to you xox

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