The Generation that Killed Romance

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Our generation is going to go down as the generation that killed romance.

Among other things.

But the death of chivalry and courtship will be our legacy.

And I blame one thing: Dating Apps.

Ugh.

Bumble. Tinder. The League. Hinge. Coffee Meets Bagel. OKCupid.

Online dating is a close to 2 billion dollar industry. As they say, there’s a sucker born every minute. And I’m ashamed to admit: I am one of those suckers.

Now, admittedly, I’ve never actually gone on a date from one of those apps. But I do have profiles on at least three of those aforementioned sites. But granted…it’s out of millennial obligation.

Since the emergence of the dating apps, I have come to notice something very depressing:

Men don’t know how to approach women anymore.

And sure, I guess I should be fair and not exclude women from that. But in my traditional mind, I’ve always been one to allow the man to approach first.

But seriously, since dating apps have become so insanely popular…men just don’t saddle up and strike up a conversation anymore.

Listen, we’re friends. I can be honest with you. I’m not a grotesque looking individual. I mean, I have all my teeth. I wear clothes that match. And if you catch me on a good day, my hair will even be washed and styled.

Shop this look!

What I’m trying to say is that, I typically don’t repulse men. At least until they talk to me.

But it just baffles me the decline in social skills, and frankly – courtship knowhow – which has taken a nosedive since we’ve all started relationships with our iPhones.

Clearly, I’m frustrated.

I was at church last weekend. I walked 30 minutes there and 30 minutes back to go to the parish where there are the most straight, single men. I was wearing a super cute outfit. Hair done. Fresh application of make up. And my highlighter on fleek. Sat on the aisle. I was ready. And sure enough, there were several cute fellas in attendance that night. No wedding rings. No girlfriends. Just 4 tall drinks of water. 🙂

So afterwards, I just kind of hung around in the lobby for a little bit. I was flipping through the bulletin close to the door — practically begging to be talked to.

And no man took the bait.

Not one.

I was so annoyed.

So I decided to do an experiment. I was going to actually do the dating apps.

Here were the rules: Thursday night: reach out for one hour on my sites, and “swipe right” on the men I found interesting. No one younger than 23 or older than 30. Must live in NYC. And then I had to actually try and engage for the entire weekend. That means: always reply, promptly. And I had to keep the conversation going.

And let me just tell you. It was exhausting.

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Come Sunday night, I was trying to keep 23 different conversations going with different men, most of whom, I couldn’t even remember which name matched which thumbnail, or who I thought was genuinely interesting, or who was as dull as a doorknob.

And that Sunday night, I again, in my “single-and-ready-to-mingle” church outfit, I walked the distance to go to the “cute guy” parish…only this time, I arrived two minutes late because I had a couple last minute Bumble replies I had to deal with.

So no aisle seat this time.

After church, instead of flipping through the bulletin by the door to try and catch the eye of the handsome guy who did the readings, I was instead greeted by 8 new message notifications that I had to reply to.

And it was at this point, that it hit me.

This is the problem.

First, I’ll let you be the first to tell me that my priorities were wrong at church. Which, yes, I get it. But to be fair, I know that God really wants me to find a good man to be my husband, and honestly – Jesus is the best wingman. So, I’m okay with using Church as a meeting ground for love.

But aside from that, what I had experienced during that weekend experiment of “doing the apps” is precisely why romance is officially six feet under, and we’ve got a bunch of man-childs walking around and expecting to hook up on the first date!

We have made it entirely too easy, AND overwhelmed them with a pool of ready and willing  options.

He’s no longer ordering the lobster or filet mignon off of the 5-Star menu, he’s sampling a little bit of everything off the Carnival cruise buffet.

And what does that leave you, friends?

Fat. Stuffed. And prediabetic.

After trying to keep 23 conversations going for three days, I realized very quickly that, a) the conversations didn’t actually amount to anything. They were all surface. They were all forgettable. And frankly, I’m not going to learn anything about you, really, from a witty three line bio that your best friend in marketing wrote for you, and a conversation about where you grew up, or what bars you like in the city.

But the real kicker is that, by having 23 “potential interests” literally in my pocket, not only did it completely take me out of the present moment, but it kind of made the actual men in my physical vicinity become rather irrelevant.

If I were one to actually buy into the whole dating app thing, it would be like flirting and courtship wouldn’t even matter, because I could literally meet someone from my couch in sweatpants while watching Netflix with Cheetos crumbs on my fingertips.

Not that I’ve eaten a Cheeto since 2001.

But you know what I mean.

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I’m going to go right out and say it.

Dating apps have allowed men (and yes, women) to be the absolute worst social version of themselves.

Apps give us permission – if not encourage us – to: Flake. Be superficial and judge solely on looks. Be chauvinistic or lewd in how we converse to one another. Date a bunch of people at once – if not on the same night! Ghost. Be promiscuous. And for men: to expect a woman to “go Dutch” on a first date and get her own transportation to/from.

Which, for the record: I will always offer to pay for my part of the drinks/date, BUT I am a firm believer that a man should pay for the first date if he initiated it. So sue me.

I am just…ready to pull my hair out.

I have since deleted all the apps on my phone.

And you might be saying, “But what about those 23 guys that YOU are guilty of just ghosting?” 

Frankly, I’m not losing sleep over exiting a conversation where the deepest it got was about my childhood dog’s name. — Which is precisely the problem, in a nutshell.

The take away:

This was a classic example of “the grass is always greener.” The fact is: there were 4 “tall drinks of water” there – in the flesh – at church…an establishment where even my mother told me I should find my husband. But I was too wrapped up in my phone to notice.

So patience, Caralyn, is a virtue. And I need to trust in God’s timing, and not try to control everything through a dumb dating app that is literally rotting the romantic parts of our brain, and conditioning us to a cheap version of a love story. Kinda sounds like what porn has done to our young men’s minds. But that’s a story for a different day.

If you need me, I’ll be flipping through the bulletin in a sundress at church, desperately waiting for a cute boy to look up from his phone and talk to me.

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370 thoughts on “The Generation that Killed Romance”

  1. Am I glad there were no dating apps when I was younger. I met my husband at church, he was visiting my church. I thought he was handsome and he liked my legs..mini skirts were in fashion..lol.

    However be aware not all church guys have a personal relationship with Jesus, tread carefully. You are a daughter of the King and only one of his sons is the right for you.

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    1. Thank you so much Helena, I really appreciate you sharing your story! hahah mini skirts 🙂 that made me smile. Great point! Hugs and love xox

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  2. Agreed 100% – excellent thoughts! I met my late-wife at church and I am forever glad that I walked up to her and spoke. Meaningful conversation is rare these days. People actually have to schedule time to talk with their friends and family. And even when they are in the presence of those they love, there are more than enough distractions all around us. I am guilty of this, too. If God brings someone into my life again, I hope to be even more intentional. Many thanks for what you have shared!

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    1. Hi James, thank you so much for sharing your story. That’s so true, there are a lot of distractions out there. Amen – God is the best matchmaker. Sending big hugs xox

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    1. Thank you so much Raney, you’re right – they make it impersonal. so glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  4. Wow! Really interesting insights! I was just thinking about how – I dunno – WEIRD romances have gotten in movies and TV. It’s like the writers and even the audience doesn’t want to commit love stories that are carefully built and ought to matter. I knew it was a problem with our weird dating culture. This post sums it up well!

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    1. Thanks so much! So glad it resonated with you. You’re right – lots of weirdness for sure!!! Hugs and love xox

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  5. I’ve yet to jump on the dating app game mainly due to the horror/ weird/ random/ hilarious situations my friends have encountered but at the same time, it feels as though – if you’re in the social media world – there’s almost no other way to meet people other than through some random slipping into the DM’s and whatnot. IDK when the last time it was I actually went to a coffee shop or sat at the park or whatever and people weren’t staring at their phones instead of looking at people and talking to people. The virtual world feels to me as though it’s made a lot of us socially awkward and afraid of people mainly because of the over-availability of choices right at our fingertips. Ok, forgive this completely all over the place rant but I really liked your post. It touched on a lot of things I’ve thought about too. Cheers 🙂

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    1. Thanks For sharing your thoughts on this! Yeah definitely all those things! I know! We’re all buried in our phone all day long! Gg

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  6. For what it’s worth, there is still a generation of 40-somethings that are, daily, raising a generation of teenagers and 20-somethings to appreciate the finer arts of conversation and chivalry. Our 16-year-old says please and thank you, opens the door for his dates AND his grandmothers, and is an excellent conversationalist. I suppose the moral is: don’t lose hope. There is genuine goodness in the world and in its people. And romance isn’t dead; it’s just hibernating.

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    1. Thanks Mike, that’s so good to know! Way to go!! Sounds like you’re raising a great gentleman!! Hibernating – I like that. Hugs and love xox

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  7. Hello there,
    I completely understand your feelings. You know what’s going on these days due to tech advancement? People want instant gratification. In my honest opinion, pornography and romance as portrayed in the movies is destroying people’s mind. Why , you may ask? Gradually when people tend to get addicted to it, their neural synapses in brain get used to the instant dopamine rush when they please themselves. This makes them lose interest in real life romance and intimacies. This is really a serious problem and there’s lot of debate, research and communities online based on it. This changes brain’s neuroplasticity and makes one lose interest in any real life activity. I’m a victim of this and trying hard to get out of this vicious cycle.
    But again, well written ma’am. This is a problem our generation faces.

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    1. Thank it so much for sharing your thoughts on this. You’re really into something there – instant gratification. We’ve gotta break that cycle. Hugs and love xox

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  8. There are still some really great guys out there who don’t depend on apps to date, but they want to be more purposeful… they want to know BEFORE they spend time “dating” that the lady they’re investing in is someone they are truly interested in getting to know {better}. Look for activities that the right kind of guys are involved in so you can get to know what they’re like, and vice versa. Is there a young singles group at your church?? A good friend makes the an AMAZING husband.

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  9. I’m certain you aren’t the problem at church, more that the men would feel awkward about trying to connect with you there…at church. Perhaps a church that has a goid singles group? As Per the online dating thing….been there, done that! Good mercy! You have to wade through a ton of creepers to find a decent, to be sure. The best part is probably that online you can just be yourself and vice versa. Elsewhere, you’re usually meeting the person they want you to ses to hook you but you end up with a jerk when they can’t keep up the facade.
    However, I did meet a guy. We emailed for a month before deciding to call. By the time we did, it was as though we’d known each other forever. We dated for almost a year, chaperoned by my adult son. Then married. Married now 12 years.

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    1. Thanks so much Laura for sharing your story. 12 years – that’s so awesome! Congrats! Very Inspiring. And that’s a great idea about the singles group! Hugs and love xox

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  12. It’s been my experience that people don’t fall in love until they have been married for a few years. Everything else is finding the spark. Love is like a fire. It starts with a spark and grows only if it’s tended and fed.

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  13. First of all, I don’t disagree with anything you’ve said. And some of what I have to say I think I may have said before. And I need to spend some time praying tonight about something that happened earlier that is actually related to what this post is about. And I should probably be in bed now because I have work in the morning. But I’m going to try to be coherent anyway…

    First of all, maybe things in your world are different from mine, but I wonder how much of the lack of responses from men at church is the legacy of Josh Harris 20 years later. I was a new Christian when that was all the rage in youth and college groups, so I just assumed that the idea that dating was bad, men and women shouldn’t spend time alone together, and that it was un-Biblical to go on dates before you’ve talked about marriage with someone were universal to all Christians. I did talk to women at church, but I didn’t try to ask them on dates or anything like that because I was taught that this was wrong. And at one point in 2004, at the church I refer to in my blog at Church II With The Problems, I was actually pulled aside and told by my pastor that I wasn’t allowed to talk to women anymore because my social awkwardness made them uncomfortable. But that’s another story. I don’t know if Josh Harris-ism was as pervasive among Catholics of your generation as it was among evangelical Christians who were teenagers and college students in the late 90s, but that might have something to do with it.

    I’ve given up on online dating. I very, very, very rarely get a response from anyone who I initiate a conversation with, and the only messages I get are from clingy old ladies. (Now I’m no spring chicken myself, many of these clingy old ladies are around my age or only a couple years older, but I’m sorry, from my point of view, with my background and history, if you’re only nine months older than me and you have adult children and a grandchild already, you feel like an old lady to me.) I have been on a few dates with women I met online, but the vast majority of the time I never hear from them again after the first date, unless it’s the BS excuse of “I’m really busy right now, I’ll get back to you after life settles down” and they never do, and the few that I’ve been on second dates with I never hear from them again after that. I think I need to cut my losses and concentrate on accepting the fact that I’m just going to be going through this life alone.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing this powerful perspective. So much to think think about and mull over. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. The right woman is out there 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  14. Funny that I just posted about this on my own blog. Though that post also contains what might be a partial explanation (not excuse) of why guys aren’t moving in. What do you think?

    May you find an exception to what is sadly becoming a rule.

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  15. Ok. Ok. My 2 cents. As soon as I understood the topic, I knew you’d KILL IT. And, you never disappoint. A riveting compendium on the pervasive ills of life as a millennial. I fell hard and fast for this painful stark depiction of the use of dating apps.
    Ohhhhhh, your GIFT.
    Dont back down conchita.
    You’re making the right decisions at the right time and your judgements of God leading and guiding you are dead on the money.
    Keep writing. Keep blessing us all.
    Your hearts desire IS on his way. Keep fighting.
    He never disappoints, even when He says “no” for the moment.
    But, you already know that.

    Thank you dear Carolyn

    Roland Henderson

    xoxo

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    1. Thank you so much Roland! I really appreciate the encouragement. You’re right – it’s just for the moment. Hugs and love xox

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  16. Sorry Sweetie, your problem is that you’re totally gorgeous! And unfortunately, most of us guys are insecure trying to initiate a conversation with such a beautiful woman, even though you were tying to be open and available. You don’t have to flirt with them or “make the first move” but if you’ll simply speak to those “tall drinks of water” you might be surprised how much they actually want to talk to you. Since you’ve seen them there more than once, walk up and ask if they enjoy coming to the evening mass. The dam will probably break. And if the other 3 eligibles are watching, which wouldn’t surprise me, they may take what they see as proof that you’re approachable. Just the cross you have to bear for being so stunning! 🙂 And BTW, any person that can’t appreciate your decision to wait on your husband isn’t worth your time. Wait for the real men.

    You’re an excellent writer. I’m glad you popped up on radar. Will definitely be back to see what you have to say.

    Father’s blessings to you!

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    1. Oh my gosh you’re way too kind. Thank you Kenneth. I am truly humbled by your generous words. Maybe o should try to strike up a convo. Just see what happens. Thanks for making me smile 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  17. Nope, I don’t give into that.
    I won’t stop keeping romance alive…between me and my wife, of course. She deserves it.

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  18. As a mass communications major, I’m one who’s down for social experiments myself. Thanks for doing this so I never would have to do this in future if curioristy ever creeps up on me. Your findings were comprehensively well written and leads a balanced perspective. I think the analogy of sampling a ‘buffet’ does applies to women as well. If we can date so many guys at one time, all the more we aren’t ‘big on labels’.

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    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Thanks another thing! The labels! Aye yiyi that’s another post! Haha Hugs and love xox

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  21. I think you have made some very good points, well all good points. Apps are an amazing tool that where designed to help make our life easier but what I have seen is that rather than make people social they make them anti-social.

    Personally I always chat to people where ever I go, I like to give people time and connect with them. Shop assistants are bored and tired of having the same conversation over and over again. When I chat to them about them, they open up, you see the real person.

    Younger guys in the line will often look at me as if I have some special skill but it something we all can do from 3-4, talk, communicate.

    Apps have definitely killed the art of conversation and communication. Walk into a staff room in any company at lunch time and almost everyone is on there phones. Yes, they are connecting with people, getting back to important emails and the 100 essential notifications that they need to reply to so they don’t come off as rude…lol

    The problem is they are not present. Its really sad.

    To any guy that may be reading this, girls just want playful chat, they want someone that shows interest in them. The ability to have a conversation and communicate shows confidence.

    There is so much focus put on looks and style nowadays that people I feel have forgot how to be themselves.

    What are the answers? Its hard to say. Michael Jackson puts it best in his classic, Man in The Mirror. Thats the only person you can change.

    Chat to the people in your life. Love, romance, and friendship starts with words, with connecting with a persons spirit, not there avatar.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and heart on this. You’re so right – I’ve got to initiate a conversation! Hugs and love xox

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      1. Someone as gifted and talented as yourself is single cause they want to be. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You have worked very hard on your blog to get it to where it is today.

        Now you need to swift that energy into finding yourself someone that you can share your time with.

        Take your laptop to cafes and restaurants to do your work. Get to know all the people in your life. It will not take long before you meet someone. 🙂

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      2. That’s such a great idea to work at a cafe! Thank you for such kind words. Means a lot. Hugs and love xox

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      3. I think wifi is Gods way of saying, “now you can work anywhere in the world.” 🙂

        From reading your blog for some time I know things have not been easy for you. But you now help 100,000s of people.

        You are a beautiful person in so many ways. You are also intelligent, funny, and most importantly, you have a love for God that you’re not ashamed to share.

        You will be rewarded, but you must meet God half way. Put yourself in places where you will meet the guy of your dreams. 🙂

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      4. Oh my gosh what a kind thing to say. I am so touched. Thanks again Hugs and love xox

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  22. I did the dating app thing and it wasn’t for me. It’s exhausting and when I did get it in a relationship it didn’t work they were still on the apps swiping for the next girl. Infuriating. I gave up on it and then literally a few weeks later I met my future husband through friends in real life and he is very romantic. A proper gentleman who swept me off my feet. Romance is still alive but for me it wasn’t through a dating app!

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  23. It’s a big problem, with people losing the ability to communicate beyond a screen, but in a society that asks for more equitable treatment, it’s not as easy for a man to know how to approach a woman. The rules of the dating game have changed.

    But I must comment on your writing style, it’s very “conversational” and relatable, you have shared an issue with a sense of humour, style and elegance.

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  24. I have heard of Tinder, but not of the rest I did not even know that there are so many dating apps out there!!

    It is crazy

    I proposed to my wife on our third meeting, and it has been 27.5 years since we have been married – you need to trust your instinct and allow yourself to feel….

    Dating Apps and services? Never used them. I think that the concept is strange

    I will expect that they will grow as human loneliness increases, and people become more and more obsessed with their mobile phones.

    You cannot replace conversation, a hug, a handshake, a look in the eye, with a WhatsApp smiley. Sadly, the ‘young’ generation takes refuge in emojis. I feel that many kids in their 20’s are older than me. Sounds counter-intuitive?

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  25. It’s disappointing to see how quickly technology can ruin something as fun, exciting and scary as trying to meet new people that could be “the one”. I missed all of that and was already married once technology took over (18 years this July). I think you have the right idea, shun the tech in favor of real life connection. It will make what you will find so much more fulfilling. I’ve been on an anti-tech streak lately getting rid of apps, limiting time on the laptop, etc. It’s been the best decision ever!

    Good luck on the hunt for a husband!

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    1. I think you’re right about that Andrew. And congrats on 18 years! That’s so awesome 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  26. As someone a bit older, I think the slide began with the brain addling porn wave in the 70s. Sex became the shortcut to intimacy and then intimacy was displaced by fantasy. Add on top of that all of the hand held access to a personal fantasy universe and it’s a wonder people even say “Excuse me” any more.

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  27. I wholeheartedly agree. I do the same! If only we could make the leap from crafting blogs about our idiosyncrasies to making an actual date. And so right here and right now (in front of our readers), I propose a date.

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  29. Oh my. I laughed so hard at this, especially the Carnival cruise buffet line. It wasn’t much better before dating apps. What you described was the singles scene at bars and nightclubs in the ’80’s and ’90’s. I have a radical proposition for you… Why not let your parents set you up? Yes, I realize they live in a different state however, you head there frequently for work, they know you best and have your best interests at heart. I met my husband when I gave up dating and told my friends to keep an eye out for a HUSBAND. I told them what I was looking for and a friend of mine who is a personal trainer introduced us. I was 36 at the time and not as close to my parents as I am now so I did not think to ask them for help. You’re dad’s a great guy. I think he would love to help find the right guy for you.

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    1. Thanks so much Melissa! I’m so glad this resonated with you 🙂 I am definitely not against my parents sending me on a blind date! Haha and thanks for sharing you and your husbands story 🙂 you’re right I think my dad would get a kick out of it haha Hugs and love xox

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      1. The day I wrote this my sister was speaking with our parish priest who said he thought that parents should set their kids up on dates. Who knows us better? Hugs back.

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  30. Two comments: “Men don’t know how to approach women anymore.” Well, maybe men under 30. 😉 Next: You are not repulsive; if a “tall drink of” whatever doesn’t approach you, it’s because he is intimidated–take it from a man who used to be under 30.

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  31. Hang in there Caralyn! God will bring the right man to you, with or without dating apps 🙂 I had a hard time knowing how the heck God would bring me Mr. Right. (And I admit, I was only 19 when we met which now seems so young, but oh boy was I impatient!) I have to admit that I worry for our kids. I pray for them and their future spouses often! The right man will approach you and nothing will stand in his way when God brings him to you. So whether it be the lectern at church, or that random guy you pass on the street, God will make it happen:) Good luck with your patience….it is a life long learning lesson for some of us!

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    1. Thanks friend, for sharing your story. I really appreciate that. Yes He will make it happen! Hugs and love xox

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  32. Your soul is older than the rest of you. This is well written and thought out. And you’re right, men don’t know how to talk to women as well as they once did. It’s not that men were that much better at it in previous generations, but at least “What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” is person to person communication. Still, don’t be discouraged; I work with a lot of twenty-somethings, and there are still some men out there who have the stones to walk up to a lady and say something appropriate to this situation. I always thought “I hope you don’t mind if I tell you you’re looking lovely this evening” was just about the best thing a man could say to a woman to make a good impression; nothing witty or cutesy, just a nice and pleasant compliment. Hope you’re well, and thanks for writing.

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    1. Aw thank you so much. You’re right – person to person communication – it goes a long way! Hugs and love xox

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  33. This is clearly a great post. It speaks very true. I’d even go far to say, dating apps give men excuse to be promiscuous, and devalue women, vice versa. We have become a society where value and worth and boundaries are thrown out the window. I am much like you, I don’t use any dating apps, nor do I accept a man texting me, I like face to face conversations with depth. Every women in the bible, did not find their husband, in fact we women are not to seek out a husband, because it may or may not happen in church. Scripture says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord” -Proverbs 18:22 God specifically guides the Man to FIND his wife. I allow the spirit of God to guide me to cross paths of my husband. I do not need to find him, for God reveals all in his timing. Thank you for this post. Because it speaks truth. I’ll definitely will be sharing

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    1. Thank you so much Tiffany! Face to face all the way! Amen to that – God’s word speak truth! Hugs and love xox

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  34. Girl! Go talk to those guys at church yourself! You don’t have to ask them out, but you can’t just stand around and not show any kind of interest in any of them and then be disappointed they didn’t speak to you. If you’re interested, speak up! Make friends! And THEN wait for them to ask you out. At least then they’ll know you exist. 🙂

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  36. Never used a dating app, but met a great boy through a dating service. He was a gentleman, we set both our accounts on the service as unavailable, the rest is history! The day after I graduated from college in Dec. of 2005, we got married. Been together ever since!

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  37. Interesting premise. I see the dating apps as a symptom more than anything, a digital version of the personal ads in old newspapers.

    From a man’s perspective (and I’m slightly older than you (36)), we had it drummed into our heads in the 90s by school (health class, etc.), pop culture, and the genres zeitgeist, that guys were to leave girls ALONE, approaching them was harassment, and that you were one wrong breath away from sexual harassment or rape. So many of us just didn’t bother trying to approach women until MUCH later in life…when we realized all of that was b.s.

    It’s this out-of-whack culture, positing that men and women are natural enemies, that created the dating app phenomenon (if you want to call it that). It seems like you’re doing the best possible thing trying to find a church man to date. Best of luck, and I’m sure you’ll find someone sooner than later!

    God bless.

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  38. So, I just missed the dating app era which got really big right after I started dating my now husband. However, just to maybe give a little different perspective. I approached him. First of all, we were friends first. And when I found out he had not been out to the local park to see their famous Christmas lights, I suggested that we would go. That night, we talked about everything and a few months (and a couple more dates) later, we were exclusive.
    When I asked him why he never approached me, he said that he didn’t think I was interested. Maybe the four guys at your church assume that you are taken or that you are not dating right now. Maybe your boyfriend was out of town and they didn’t want to take that chance. Since all five of you just came out of service, you have the perfect opportunity to talk about something. I know being traditional is something that’s important. My husband and I are pretty traditional in a lot of ways. But I really see an advantage in starting up a friendship with someone that might turn into something else, but might not. Either way, you could have a great friend (and maybe even access to his network of single friends as well).

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful love story! So happy for you! That’s a great point – I should approach him! Hugs and love xox

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  39. You make some excellent points Caralyn but I think romance is dead because it has nothing to do with beauty( and you certainly have it in buckets). If you listen to Jordan Peterson-Clinical Psychologist and Milo Yiannopoulos- free speech activist, they say that men have been emasculated by the media,( just look at the commercials on TV and made to look stupid) and by the feminist left, so men are not engaging in the dating game, at school and in their careers because they are too afraid. I know men who feel like this and who are overwhelmed, unappreciated and underachieving. Jesus, who was fearless, is certainly the perfect gentleman and the raging tempest who stood up for what He believed. We need more men to stand up for their rights, to be leaders and to remain steadfast. God bless.

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  40. I just went to a megachurch here and the Singles Bible Study. I also pray and hope God sends someone my direction. I have considered online dating but don’t like paying to communicate.
    My cousin met his wife online and they are doing wonderful with grandchildren, now.
    Good Luck to you.

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  41. Okay, my turn!

    First, I’m grateful that I didn’t attempt online dating. Ever. I know several people, our generation and a few older souls, who have had success with sites like Match and eHarmony. But, I think that’s less than 10 people, off the top of my head.

    Second, don’t be afraid to talk to these guys. Some are shy. Some need an outlet. Who knows?

    Third, here’s my experience. Patience is certainly a virtue! The first three guys I dated – I met them all through my United Methodist church. Keep in mind, this was high school. We were all friends first, and then, eventually, it turned into, “Well, let’s try dating and see what happens?”

    My first relationship, with Daniel, didn’t last six months. It was challenging being the only one at a different high school than the rest of the youth group (and getting teased incessantly since the schools were football rivals). The second one, with Loren, lasted about 6-7 months, and I actually starting talking to the third one while lamenting that the current boyfriend failed to see the significance of celebrating our six-month anniversary. Ridiculous, I know.

    The third relationship, with John, was the longest, 2006-2010. I actually asked him to “go steady” (I’m totally old-fashioned). He swept me off my feet. But, once we graduated from high school, he followed me to the same university. And then, things started changing. Once he got me away from my family, the church, and other safe spaces, he started manipulating me. Eventually abusing me. It was awful. I have very few memories of three years of college because I was being consumed by him.

    Long story short, I broke up with him on July 17, 2010. That was my transformation day. I started picking up the pieces. I started to re-build my relationship with my parents, several friends, and most importantly, God. Let me tell you, I learned that God is truly a forgiving God at that point. I knew I had done the right thing.

    My now brother-in-law was playing matchmaker before I knew it. Nick and I knew each other for years, going back to elementary school, but we had several mutual friends and struck up a friendship in 2009. After I told him I’d broken up with John, he immediately wanted me to meet his brother, Al. His exact words to me via Facebook chat at the time: “I think you and my brother would be awesome together.”

    Although incredibly flattered, I asked Nick, kindly, to hold off. I needed to heal. I was picking up everything after FOUR YEARS. I needed a lot of prayer!

    Well, wouldn’t you know it, right before I left home to start my senior year of college, Al and I became Facebook friends and exchanged numbers. The night before I left, I watched the movie Inglorious Basterds with them. I was sitting between them on the couch in the room above the detached garage, and I thought to myself, “You know, my life would be awesome if the three of us were just friends for the rest of our lives. These guys are awesome.”

    Two weeks later, it was Labor Day weekend. Al and I had been texting, calling, and Skyping quite a bit since I’d left. I felt happy – I had a new friend. He was older, handsome, and just fun to talk to. It just so happened that Nick’s girlfriend had just started as a freshman at the same university where I was senior. Nick asked me if I could bring her home for the long weekend, since I had my car. I agreed, thinking, “Hey, this is great. I’ll get to talk to Chelsea about the school newspaper, see Nick, and see Al. Score!!”

    Al and I agreed to go to dinner that Saturday night – September 4, 2010. I was so nervous. This was the first true “date” that I felt like I was going to. I changed my clothes three times. I was excited – Al had a sexy red Mustang! But, we had a blast. We enjoyed the local seafood at the Virginia Beach Oceanfront. We were waiting for one of the free concerts to start – Chicago was one of the headliners for the weekend’s music festival. We strolled along the boardwalk. Because it felt right, I laid my head on his shoulder when we stopped to look at the water. The next thing I know, Al’s turned me around and kissed me on the lips on the boardwalk. I literally saw stars and fireworks. Then, as he hugged me, he whispered that he had something to tell me. He proceeds to tell me that I was his first kiss. I was 22, he was 25. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was absolutely blown away. I spluttered, “Why me?” Al looked at me, with the most sincerity I have ever seen, and said, “I was waiting for the right person.”

    We didn’t see Chicago play that night. We held hands the whole way back to his parents’ house. We stayed up until like 1:15 a.m. At one point, he held me close and kissed me, and I said those three words – “I love you.” I felt like I’d made the worst mistake of my entire life, watching his reaction. I was terrified. Inner Laura Beth was screaming. “OMG, what on Earth get came out of your mouth?! You’ve basically ruined the best night of your entire life … Oh, wow …”

    Al smiled and said, “I love you, too.”

    On our wedding day, November 14, 2015, our pastor read parts of love letters that we had written to each other, but sent only to the pastor. Al’s letter said he knew he wanted to marry me the night of our first date. Again, knock me over with a feather, this time in my wedding dress. For me, I knew about a week afterward. I wanted to make sure it was real, and not a dream.

    Patience. Grace. Communication. You have it all. Also – I was a Communication Studies, Mass Media major, and I couldn’t agree more with your post, and the comments. You are awesome!!!

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    1. Thanks so much Laura Beth! Yeah – those two sites I like to think of as actual match making sites – just just dating apps. They’re n another league. And I’m so glad you have friend who have found success with them!! And you’re so right – I need to approach them too! And go for it!! Amennnn patience is definitely not my strong suit. I need to pray about that. And thank you for sharing your story. Gosh it breaks my heart that you weren’t treated with the respect and honor that you so deserve. I’m so glad that God has been able to heal those wounds, and that He brought Al into your life. Gosh what a beautiful love story. It gives me so much hope. I know this took a long time for you to write and I just want you to know how grateful I am for you to share your heart and spirit like it. It really means so much. God is good and so are you!! Hugs and love xox

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      1. Dating apps are definitely in a league of their own, and not in a good way!

        Patience is so hard for many, myself included! I consider myself very fortunate.

        God is in control! I pray the Serenity Prayer every single day. It’s a life-changer! Thank you so much for your kind words. I tell my story because I believe it gives people hope. I’m so glad – I appreciate your compliments. I didn’t want it to be too long, but I didn’t want to leave anything important out. I’m grateful for my experiences, both good and bad. Sharing our stories make a difference, whether it helps one person, or a thousand. Helping one person is what makes me happy! Thank you for reading my novel of a comment. God is so good, and you are a bright light of His!! XOXO

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      2. Oh gosh, the serenity prayer is so powerful, isn’t it?! It was the prayer that was so transformative during my stay at inpatient. The wisdom to know the difference!! woo! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  43. This. I love this post so much. And at the end, about trusting in God’s timing- I recently wrote a post about it. I get so frustrated because I’m still single but not into dating apps because of the overwhelming pressure to be someone different from my true self, I just want to run away. I still hope for a love story that sounds too real to exist – like one during my travels. Here’s to more hoping and praying for it hahaha.

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  44. As always, a great post. I will say in defense of those cute boys, that we as women have made it increasingly harder for men to approach us. They’re so afraid to hold open a door for us in fear of being reprimanded for doing so or to comment on a cute outfit in fear of being told they have now been sexually aggressive. Our overly-offended culture as created a dating disaster for men and women. Believe me, I know…I’m right there with ya.

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    1. Thank you so much 🙂 you’re right about that — very true. Thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

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  45. Somehow I don’t share your pain in all of this, Caralyn. We’re all meant to be single. That’s just the happier life. Didn’t you get the memo?

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  46. never mind chivalry beaut, that bird has flown the coop so to speak but more so on a regional basis especially in urban areas…there are loads of chivalry present in rural towns, like those who will help a lady in distress with a flat tire, or even a simple door being opened and cheerful smile, and that is good, but a lot of those ‘good ole boys’ can’t be trusted with a real lady as far as you can pick ’em up and throw ’em because they lack self-control…I know, lived in Tennessee for years…all is not lost though beaut, you get the picture…dating apps with their fast and loose snippets and catch phrases don’t equate to trust and that is good for you beaut as long as you stay away from their enticements…your father in Ohio, I think, has given you the best advice in the world and I don’t even know what advice he gave you about dealing with men, but from what you said about him he seems like he’s got your back until you open your heart up to the right man at the right time…God knows.

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    1. I think you’re right about that. Yeah, my dad is a smart man, that’s for sure! thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  47. ‘So afterwards, I just kind of hung around in the lobby for a little bit. I was flipping through the bulletin close to the door — practically begging to be talked to.

    And no man took the bait.

    Not one.

    I was so annoyed.’

    I’ll give you a bit of advice…looking at a bulletin doesn’t convey ‘come talk to me’ as a man. I see a woman reading something.

    Here’s what does…eye contact, a smile, I even appreciate if she says ‘hi’. We’re looking for interest signals. That still doesn’t mean doing all that will cause a man to initate because I agree a lot of guys don’t know how to approach or it takes a long time to get signals(believe me)…but I think it increases the chances.

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    1. Thanks so much Earl – that’s a great point! Next time – I’ll be all about the interest signals! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  48. I loved your post! Mainly because love is a topic that I try my best to address on my site as well. You are much more clear and direct, I’m always using analogies and whatnot Haha. I normally write with someone in mind, when it comes to love, I do try to send a message that men should be honorable in all of their conduct. Likewise, they should look for honorable women. Proverbs 31 isn’t just for women, but also a message to men saying be worthy of such a woman.
    God always leaves a remnant, Men of honor are out there (I hope I’m counted among them). I enjoy hand-writing letters to my close friend Margaret. We honestly write more letters than text messages to each other. She refers to us as “old souls” Haha.
    God bless!

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    1. Thank you so much Travis! I appreciate your feedback. Amen – i love Proverbs 31! So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  49. Nice blog. This reminded me of my roomate in college who dated girls from Plenty of Fish. We ended up calling him fisherman. Not the most unique nickname but we thought it was hilarious at the time.

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  50. Church is a good place to start. Have you tried volunteering at church for anything? In my experience, behind the scenes is where the real conversations happen. Try volunteering for an upcoming event if you have the opportunity. Wash dishes, serve coffee, set up tables, anything that gets you “Interacting” with people. Sadly, nowadays, you can go to church for 10 years and never meet anyone, because most are in a hurry to get out of there when the service is over, or too busy looking at their phones and rushing off to the next thing on their calendar. Best wishes. You deserve someone who will be willing to “earn” your love, not “swipe” his way into it.

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    1. Thank you so much Lisa! That’s great advice. i’ll look into volunteering in the city! Hugs and love xox

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