514 thoughts on “PORN: A Virgin’s Perspective”

1. […] https://beautybeyondbones.com/2018/05/10/porn-a-virgins-perspective/ […]

   LikeLike

   1. Thanks Tonya for the link up! Hugs and love xox

      LikeLike

2. If you will permit me, I would like to share my story. I have been married to a lust addict for nearly 46 years, and the impact that has had on my life and on our marriage has been devastating. But, God’s grace has carried me through it all, even through the times when I failed miserably. Yet, we are still married, and I am still believing God for complete deliverance for my husband and healing for our marriage. https://walkingwounded.blog/i-married-my-dad/

   People who make light of the dangers of porn use have no idea of the devastating impacts this has on the lives of those who become addicted to porn, on the lives of their children and their grandchildren, and on the marriage relationship, and on the life of the spouse of the one addicted to porn (or to lust in general). And, the fact that porn is so readily available now, even to young children, is horrendous! I have 14 grandchildren and it pains me to think that many of them have probably viewed porn and of the devastating affects this will have on their young minds, and on their lives, and on their future marriages.

   Lastly, we must remember here the words of Jesus where he said that if a man (and I believe this includes women, too) looks at another with sexual lust (and this could be same sex attraction, too), that one has already committed adultery in his or her heart. So, God considers porn viewing as adultery. And, porn viewing often leads to acting out in various ways, too. You have no idea the number of married men addicted to porn who have also engaged in homosexual relations, and who have had extramarital affairs (multiple ones) and who have gone to prostitutes, too, and some of these men are pastors of churches.

   LikeLike

   1. Hi Sue, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so glad His grace has seen you through. I will absolutely keep you both in my prayers. That is so true – the impacts really are devastating. My heart breaks that you know this from such a personal place. So true. Thanks again for the bravery in sharing your story. You are such a strong woman. Hugs and love xox

      LikeLike

      1. Thank you! And, thank you for the prayers, too. The bravery and strength come from the Lord, and not from me, I guarantee you. I don’t have it! I am spent! But, God is good, and he is faithful, and he keeps on giving me all that I need to keep going, and to keep trusting, and to keep loving and forgiving. So, all the glory belongs to him.

         Hugs and love back to you, my friend. ❤

         LikeLike

      2. Yes! All glory be to Him!! ✨💛✨

         LikeLike

3. It breaks my heart. Thanks for speaking out.

   LikeLike

   1. Thanks Susan. I appreciate you taking the time to read. Hugs and love xox

      LikeLike

4. I think Porn can be very destructive if the person watching it doesn’t understand that it isn’t real. I don’t think Porn itself kills love, but the people watching it allowing it to do so. This is a tough subject though, because growing up I always thought watching porn was bad, so I felt terrible afterwards because it was a sin and I grew up in a religious house. This kind of tethered itself to masturbation so even now I feel a bit odd inside afterwards. Masturbation is fine, but needing to watch porn to do so can be destructive. Loved the post. I’m surprised this is the first time I am reading. 🙂

   LikeLike

   1. Thanks Leo for this insight. That’s a powerful thought – it’s the watchers. Glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

      LikeLike

5. Thank you so much for sharing your viewpoint on this issue, and giving it the well deserved attention it deserves. Porn addiction nearly cost me everything, my wife, my job, my life… it all nearly ended and it is only through the saving grace of Jesus Christ that I am free. Not free of addiction, not free of temptation or urges, but free of the bondage it once held over me. In fact, one of the most important aspects of my ministry is to help other men break free from that same bondage. If you don’t mind I would like to share some articles with your readers, in the hopes that someone might be helped on their journey:

   How Harmful is Pornography?
   https://standtallforchrist.com/2017/02/21/ponography-addiction/

   5 Steps to Overcoming Porn Addiction
   https://standtallforchrist.com/2018/04/25/5-steps-to-overcoming-pornography-addiction/

   The Secret to True Healing
   https://standtallforchrist.com/2018/04/24/the-secret-to-true-healing/

   Additionally I am so glad you recommend Covenant Eyes, which I have been using for years… an amazing tool. Continue on your path Sister.

   Stay Strong & Stand Tall
   Keith

   LikeLike

   1. Hi Keith, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so glad Jesus pulled you out of there! Amen – His saving grace! Thank you for passing along these powerful resources. You are amazing! Hugs and love xox

      LikeLike

      1. No hugs! Hand shake 🙂

         LikeLike

      2. hahaha ok sounds good!

         LikeLike

      3. Not sure if the pingback is working correctly, but you have been TAGGED dear sister!!!

         https://standtallforchrist.com/2018/05/14/tag-what-is-one-big-challenge-christians-face/

         LikeLike

      4. Thanks keith! Hugs and love xox

         LikeLike

      5. You and your hugs 🙂

         LikeLike

      6. Lol

         LikeLike

6. This is an extremely relevant issue. Everything you said about porn is right. I had a friend whose life and family were destroyed by it. He stated that he wished he would have reached out to someone when he first got hooked. I apologized if anything I said or did made him think that he could not speak to me. During that same time, God sent a recovering porn addict into my life. After being tossed aside by many churches, I preached restoration and hope. My prayer is that churches will become safe havens for those who struggle with porn, eating disorders, or any other issue. We need to be about restoration as outlined in Galatians 6:1.

   LikeLike

   1. Thank you so much Matthew for sharing your thoughts about this. Gosh, I’m sorry to hear that. So sad. I will join you in that prayer. Hugs and love xox

      LikeLike

7. I don’t think you need to be terrified. For most guys porn is not an addiction, it’s something that they indulge in from time to time and they have no interest in their wives behaving in such a way. I’m not discounting the negative effects of pornography on society or the role it plays in marital problems–it’s bad; it can be harmful, even poisonous.
   That said, I’ve watched a pornographic movie; my husband’s watched way more than that. Yesterday we celebrated our thirty-second anniversary. We are Christians. Our children are Christians. We are happy and productive citizens.
   For what it’s worth, my experience with this stuff is the more uptight, rigid and sexually unmerciful a person is, the more likely he or she has a secret porn life. You can pretty much bank on it.

   LikeLike

   1. Thank you so much for sharing this insight. And wow, congrats on 32 years! That is such a powerful demonstration of love. Thanks again for sharing your story! Hugs and love xox

      LikeLike

8. There is a couple Navy Seals that make porn. Eh. I. Was involved in the porn industry. Let the hating begin. I needed extra money. Really really bad. I was in the military and the pay there is, awful. My ex wife was at University and lost her scholarship for marrying me. $30,000 a year is hard to do. I would be naive to say it wasn’t a part of why we divorced. It’s hard to trust someone that spends time with porn stars. Trust. Has a lot to do with love. Not all porn stars are human trafficking it’s heavily regulated. The stigma creates heavy regulations. Sex trafficking occurs more often in local massage parlors which do not have the same regulations but do offer, similar services.

   The reversal. You do print ads and men are actually exploited and paid considerably less than women.

   LikeLike

   1. Hi Kenzie, thank you for sharing that. No hating here! I’m sorry that you had nowhere else to turn during that time you needed money. You’re so right about that – trust is the foundation of love for sure. Thanks again for sharing your story. I was unaware of the massage parlor thing. Sending massive hugs to you friend xo

      LikeLike

      1. Thanks. I did make amends for what I could do. I wrote it out a few years ago after talking with my priest and that was where you found me. When I was done. I deleted it. Like Odysseus nearing the island of Lesbos.

         I saw that Dr Phil reference up there. Clever. Yeah. A couple cops I know bust parlors from time to time. I went once in San Francisco as the mark.

         Maybe the past stopped you from being loved. It did for me. I look at it like, I can only promise I won’t give up. As far as looks well, I’m not crying about it. Never said I was an angel. 😁

         LikeLike

      2. Amen I love that!! We won’t give up! Thanks again Kenzie. You are good. Through and through. 🙂

         LikeLike

      3. Thanks. There is a question though. I agree that porn is not helping. Eros is now Love. He was originally God of the void. Would it be reasonable to take intercourse back? It, well sex, could be a healthy expression of love and maybe a little less taboo…for everyone. I just think we could do better in addressing that need for understanding. That you can be Christian, you can fall in love, you can also have great sex.

         LikeLike

      4. 👍🏼

         LikeLike

      5. What did you think of God Help The Girl? If you saw it. Emily Browning plays a Scottish girl with ED.

         LikeLike

      6. I didn’t see it! This is the first I’ve heard of it actually. I’ll have to check it out. Hugs and love xox

         LikeLike

      7. A musical. It kind of bombed but I think Emily did well to not gratify it and explored some nuance. Change, occurs when people are ready not before and life is not still when people are falling apart.

         LikeLike

      8. Gotcha. Great point

         LikeLike

9. I seriously want to give you a standing ovation for this. Yes, yes, amen yes! Keep doing what you’re doing and speaking truth! God Bless.

   LikeLike

   1. oh my gosh Juliet, thank you so much!! i am seriously so touched. thanks for your kindness. Hugs and love xox

      LikeLike

10. Wow! That’s a frightening statistic! I want to thank you for writing this post – it came at a very appropriate time for me. I will explain, but first of all, you’re not alone, I have never seen porn either (nor will I ever!) I don’t think that EVERY man has seen it either. Okay, so what did I mean about this being an appropriate time ? Unfortunately, my 15 year old son. 😦 Yep. It looks like our overprotective, Catholic parenting backfired somewhere along the line.

    My son has only had access to the internet for about three years and in that time, he allowed his hormones to do the surfing! My husband and I were shocked! (he hadn’t even had the “talk” yet !) We have since put every block we could on his computer, and thankfully, he really DOESN’T want to see that stuff anymore. I know because we have had several heart to heart talks, and he regrets his actions. He has confided in me that so many things in our everyday life trigger those images that he is desperately trying to forget! Things like seeing a girl or lady who may be wearing tight or low cut clothing can trigger those images in a flash. We have had to avoid attending swimming parties for that very reason. Our society which promotes immodest dress doesn’t help much either. He is a good boy, but like you said, it is an addiction, and one that he is trying to overcome.

    Sorry if this was too lengthy, and thanks again for posting!

    LikeLike

    1. Hi Joy, thank you so much for sharing your story. Yeah, I read another stat that said that the average age kids are exposed to porn is around 8 years old. How sad is that. It sounds like you are great parents. Your son is lucky to have a fierce warrior in his corner as he fights the fight. I’ll definitely keep him in my prayers. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

       1. Thank you so much!

          LikeLike

       2. ✨💛✨

          LikeLike

11. Amazing post ! It is the sad reality that these sites are destroying homes, societies and mainly abusing women in amuch scale around the world .the negative impact of these sites is huge in our lives .stick with purity .Becoz God Almighty has created us with his own hands and and shaped us beautiful .stay away from porn , respect women and love yourself .

    LikeLike

    1. thank you so much Saad. You’re so right – we’ve got to live from a place of love and respect. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

       1. Thats right !Have a Happy Friday !

          LikeLike

       2. You too x

          LikeLike

       3. Thanks !

          LikeLike

12. Girl, yaaassss!!! This is a subject that many won’t touch and I’m not sure why. If many aren’t ashamed of their porn usage, we shouldn’t be afraid of calling it out for what it is: a perversion of something that wad meant to be the most beautiful and intimate moment between a woman and a man.

    My husband has struggled with porn for many years. For the longest time, I blamed myself thinking that there was something wrong with me! Maybe I wasn’t skinny enough, tan enough, I wasn’t funny or interesting enough, maybe he found me repulsive! But it wasn’t until this past year that I learned how porn can literally rewire someone’s brain. They cannot perform with their partner in real life because they don’t get the instant gratification and they def aren’t getting the over exaggerated reaction! My heart was broken. But I realized that my beef isn’t with my husband, it’s with the enemy of our souls! I continue to pray that the Lord would break those deeply rooted strongholds and love my husband despite his addiction.

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story! Amen!! it’s totally the enemy!! you are an amazing wife, you know it?? I will definitely keep you both in my prayers 🙂 Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

13. It’s important to me to say that your blog is lovely and that it’s true you might be a touch taboo, but not for the reason of your innocence, for the other reason that you can infer. I am a ton older, relatively speaking, and I did a lot of the little arts education I have in the actual 1990s (!), but I remember what my European film prof said about the Internet, in the year 1999, to our class, and he was a young middle-class white Brit, he said about the Internet that the Internet– was positively ridiculous. To be ignored! That was a long, long time ago… but there is a popular English film of several years ago that might inspire you on this subject: “An Education,” an upbeat film about a smart and idealistic virginal English schoolgirl in the 1960s who (spoiler!) falls in with a grifter who wants her for her virginity. He isn’t exactly an antagonist, there is a chance he is genuinely in love with her (… you have to decide for yourself!) but it touches on the same awkward struggle you are describing here in this very outspoken post you’ve written. I mostly want you to feel better.

    LikeLike

    1. thank youso much for sharing that. I’ll definitely have to check out An Education. Sounds like an interesting film! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

14. Thank you for this post. You are right on, in so many ways! You might be surprised to know that I was a former addict to porn. It nearly cost me everything! The greatest news is that there is power to deliver us from every sin and addiction (Jesus!). Porn is destroying lives. It nearly destroyed mine. But today, I am free because I now know who I am in Jesus (and I am a new creation!). Life is more enriched and beautiful and I am letting go of all the bitterness and frustration that made my addiction so easy to “follow.” Thanks again for taking on a tough topic… and for doing it with such wonderful insight (as usual!) M. A.

    LikeLike

    1. Thanks so much MA for this powerful response. I so appreciate you sharing your story. Amen – I’m so glad that He delivered you!! That is such an incredible testimony. Cheering for you friend. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

15. My dear friend,

    It is said that in our mind there are 5 thieves stealing our attention and eating up the food for our soul we get from our creator. These are: Lust, Greed, Hate, Ego and Attachment – with lust as the strongest from those dark sides. As we all are in the making we also make mistakes and have our shortcomings here and there, as you had yours when you had your addiction. It should never be to late also to forgive a person who made mistakes too – to forgive him or her too as Saints say: “Every Saint had his past and every Sinner his future…” This demonstrates that we are in the making to become better – at least some day. Some need more time, others less depending on their background and experience they had to go through.

    You have written this subject with your wonderful heart and love your honesty and innocence in it. Sex does not contain love, but love contains sex. Sex alone is lust and belongs to the 5 thieves in us, stealing our attention and soul food. A time comes when a couple want to have children and found an own family – this is all fine and ok – for this purpose we are given different sexual organs – but it is not the main purpose of our life – the main purpose is that wife and husband help each other on the way back home. After children are set into the world sex should not find space anymore as it would be lust, to run after the pleasures of the mind – then another kind of love begins which is beyond body and flesh – it is said: love begins in the body but it does not end there… unfortunately when it stays there, then again it is lust…

    So thank you very much for your courage too to bring up this subject, dear friend. You have my full respect and appreciation.

    All good wishes on your path and some day the right one may enter into your life.
    Hugs from my heart to yours
    Didi

    LikeLike

    1. The five thieves. What a powerful story. Thank you so much for sharing this story. Yeah addiction is so powerful. But forgiveness is more so. Thanks for this beautiful response. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

       1. Hugs and love, dear friend 🙂
          Didi

          LikeLike

       2. ✨💛✨

          LikeLike

16. Excellently done, pretty lady. Wonderful insight from a woman’s view. I wish more young men knew how the idea of porn affects real women.

    With your insight, I’m probably preaching to the choir, but had a few thoughts I hope will be an encouragement.

    “But obviously, there is a lot about sex that I don’t know.” Wonderful! You’ll have something to explore with your very blessed husband on your wedding night! Porn is fake. Anyone thinking they can learn anything about sex from it is sadly mistaken.
    And BTW, there are people who’ve been married for 25 years who don’t know squat about sex. Everything you said about sex is true, the greatest form of intimacy between a husband and wife. We’re not born knowing that, but if that true intimacy is our goal, God can and will direct us. And there are many Godly people out there who can share what they’ve learned in their journeys.

    “But honestly…from the state of an insecure girl, fearing that I will never be “enough” for him.” Wow. Every man needs to hear that. I’m still single, and I pray every day that God would bless me with a wonderful, Godly wife. The thought that she had that fear would tear me apart. Any woman that knows and loves Christ is more than enough. The man that thinks otherwise is the one with the problem.

    “How is a virgin supposed to compete…?” Believe me, there is NO comparison. Real beats fake EVERY time. Any man that can’t see the difference isn’t worth the effort. I guarantee, the man God chooses to bless with you will know how fortunate he is. And don’t worry about the turtle neck gown. Godly women can make a burlap sack look sexy. 😉

    Father has it all under control. He’ll make a way in His time. Still praying for you and your respiratory problem.

    For His Glory

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much Kenneth. And gosh I’m so touched by your encouraging words. Yeah there’s definitely a lot of insecurities that I think every person carry with them, be it about one thing or another. Amen to that – Father really does have it all under control 🙂 big hugs to you friend xox

       LikeLike

17. Hey! Very well written post! As someone who struggles with porn, I felt no judgment reading it because I know you had your own struggle with an addiction. Many men have or do struggle with porn but not every; they are out there and you can find yourself such a man! Your super awesome! Much love!❤️❤️

    LikeLike

    1. Thanks so much Jay for sharing your story. I’m so glad you felt the love and compassion and also the “in the trenches” place I was coming from 🙂 sending so much love!! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

       1. Yes! Your awesome! ❤️💜❤️💜❤️💜

          LikeLike

       2. ✨💛✨

          LikeLike

18. A very thought provoking post. God is the originator of good things and sex is one of those good things He bequeathed to the human race. God is a giving god, and sex is about giving. Giving to each other. Enter the great deceiver satan and the Geneses fall of our original parents. He told our parents he had a better form of government, a better way of enjoying ourselves. He’s a master of counterfeit. Marriage is one of the things he’s messed with and we don’t need to go into that as we are dealing with your porn issue. So what did satan offer as his counterfeit alternative? Instead of giving as God intended he offers taking as the ultimate satisfaction, and while porn is about I want selfishness its only one of his offerings to gratify self rather than give of self. Look at the world, wars because of selfishness high corporate benefits while avoiding legitimate taxes which help the poor in various ways. Add to that addictions and exploitation. The list goes on. God’s way giving, peace and safety, satans way taking discrimination and fear. God is going to have to deal with the situation eventually so that all who want to live a pure life (which we can’t do in our humanity) get their desire, and those who prefer satan’s selfish environment will be dealt with along with their master. Better we practice trying to live a giving life then isn’t it? When we do that we will be weaned away from destructive practices.

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much Ian. That is s true! God gave us all the good things. And then the evil one twists them. Sex marriage. Beauty. The deceiver has his hands in all of them. Amen. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

19. Great article, it blessed me to hear your words! That you stand up for holiness. I have such a beautiful awesome sexy wife, so I don’t need to look at any other woman! We have 7 children to prove it!!!

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much Ricardo! So glad it resonated with you 🙂 and that’s amazing! What a beautiful family!!!! Congrats 🙂 Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

       1. Thanks, keep up the good work!

          LikeLike

       2. ✨💛✨

          LikeLike

20. First of all–well, you’ll understand better in a minute, but while I like the idea of porn being an addiction comparable to drugs, I’ve never seen legitimate studies to prove that – in fact I recently read an article suggesting pornography really doesn’t affect the brain in the same way that drugs do (as shown by EEG).

    That being said, years ago I read testimonials from men free from 10, 15, 20 year pornography addictions and I said to myself ‘No way, I’ll never be in that long, this is just a temporary little thing’ and then waking up after 12+ years going ‘something’s gotta give…’

    The thing about porn is that it offers a false intimacy, and a false fulfillment to match. The reality is, Caralyn, you won’t be able to compete; there is no competing with porn because it promises on-demand intimacy–no partner, no complications, vulnerability and being genuine to another person become completely unnecessary. And that means chances are if your husband (hypothesizing now of course) happens to be a porn viewer, he is going to have to completely re-learn intimacy to be with you and that’s why I say you can’t compete because true intimacy isn’t a one-way single-user street and it is nothing like porn because it involves seeing into another person, and being seen. Talking, often fighting, and resolving fights. It isn’t easy, and a porn viewer’s first reaction is likely going to be to disassociate with you and go back to the computer screen (believe me, I’ve found myself there) because that is where intimacy is gotten without personal cost or loss. Do that long enough and you WILL train your brain (and other vitally involved organs–e.g. impotency anyone?) not to respond to true intimacy, and because porn IS false intimacy, you will need more, and more, and more, because it never will be enough.

    I’m actually beginning to think that maybe the addiction label–while at face value seemingly accurate and perhaps effective in showing the magnitude of the problem–is actually not helping our porn-saturated society because the addiction label addresses a will-power problem (never mind that scientifically ‘addiction’ really may not be accurate) when the intimacy problem–which is a legitimate need for every single person–isn’t that simple. But solve the intimacy problem and porn loses virtually all its power.

    I’m speaking strictly from experience of course–it’s not exactly scientific 😉 but you–and every else, particularly those without education or experience about it–really need to understand that pornography is not more powerful than drugs because of what it allegedly does to your brain; pornography is more powerful than drugs (I believe) because while it is a counterfeit coin, it so much more closely falsifies the real thing than any other substance; it calls on on natural and good desire for something we NEED, and subverts it to something fake and unsatisfying. But the thing here is that you can’t focus on the counterfeit. If your some-day-husband is saturated in pornography Caralyn I’m sorry but programs and software and accountability may not help him. I can almost guarantee it, because if you focus on the counterfeit it will always overshadow the legitimate. And don’t get me wrong, the programs are all well and good. But they aren’t the answer. Intimacy is. Connection is. Love, once again, is the answer. (:

    LikeLike

    1. Hey Carson, thank you so much for sharing your story. Yeah it really is an addiction. False intimacy and false fulfillment – those are powerful forms of deception. That is such an interesting thought. The counterfeit coin example really hit home with me. I love that – love is the answer. Carson, thank you so much for having the courage to share this and for offer your insight and help. Sending so much love and hugs xox

       LikeLike

       1. As always, you’re welcome (: and one last word – don’t be afraid of this. Fear kills intimacy. Yes, statistically basically every man–and many women–you pass on the street have viewed or do view porn. It is not a small problem, but it is not one to be afraid of because when you look together into the intimacy you can share, together, when you practice intimacy with one another and with Jesus as the author of all intimacy, pronography becomes a much, much smaller draw. I don’t say nonexistant, but living bravely in the real thing daily simply leaves no room to desire something fake and fleeting. And you WILL be his anchor–but not in the way you may have been thinking before (:

          LikeLike

       2. That is so beautiful. Thanks again Carson. This gives me great hope.

          LikeLike

       3. 🙂

          LikeLike

       4. ✨💛✨

          LikeLike

21. Frankly, I think watching porn spoils the sex. It’s like playing tennis with your buddy after you watch Roger Federer vs Raphael Nadal.

    LikeLike

    1. Haha what an analogy!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

22. Furthermore, virgin girls are beautiful.

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you 🙂

       LikeLike

       1. Thanks. Hope you find someone.

          LikeLike

       2. ✨💛✨

          LikeLike

       3. 😍💘💏💎💤👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

          LikeLike

23. Dear Caralyn,

    For years, every piece I have read on porn has been written by someone who 1. had battled with a porn problems; 2 had his or her life destroyed by it; or 3. both. Kudos to you for being the first person to give such a refreshing outlook from a side none of us would have ever seen coming!
    First, although I absolutely adore my lovely bride of 16 years, I must admit ashamedly that I am no stranger to porn. That’s right, this ordained minister and “man of God” was once in so deep that between Bible studies and church it was hiding my browsing history until one day I got caught.
    I was shocked to find how many other clergy are in the same situation. (No, I am not excusing us/them, just stating facts). We read in Romans 6 and 7 that while we will always have the old sin nature in us, we do not have to be slave to it. This is a decision we make, and make daily.
    As for you being seen differently for never seeing this filth, I am so glad you haven’t. It only cheapens the beauty of what God wants for you and your husband when the time is right. Whether he has or has not seen pornography or not, been with another woman or not, the life the two of you will be made fresh and new. You are a beautiful flower that has bloomed into the inspirational young woman you are today. Thank you for all you bring to my life in these messages. I think I speak for many when I say this.
    Love and Blessings,
    Jim

    LikeLike

    1. Hi Jim, thank you so much for having the courage to share your story. You’re so right – our sinful nature comes in many different forms and the evil one is always trying to lure us back there. Thank you for the encouraging words. It truly means so much 🙂 keep up the good fight my friend. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

24. […] via PORN: A Virgin’s Perspective — BeautyBeyondBones […]

    LikeLike

    1. Thanks for the link up! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

25. Porn is a real struggle for a lot of us . It definitely made me objectify men because of it . That’s what porn does , you don’t look at them as humans you look at them as objects for your selfish desires. That stuff doesn’t go away when you get in a relationship . It’s been 10 days since I’ve looked at porn , I know it’s not a lot but it’s a victory in my book , thank God!!I know God is going to set me completely free from it. Thank you for talking about this!! As a Christian woman I felt so much shame because of it but not anymore 🙌 Have a blessed weekend 💕💕

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this powerful insight. And congrats on your victory!! That is no small feat. I know from my own addiction with anorexia that every single day you wake up and have to decide. It is a muscle. And amen! No shame!! Every single person has something that they’re struggling with. And no “one thing” is “better” or “worse” than another. The important thing is to know you have people in your corner cheering you on as you fight the good fight 🙂 Day 11 tomorrow!! You got this!!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼 Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

26. I don’t comment too often but I just have to say your last few posts have been just so amazing. I pass them on to various people I think might be interested. Your viewpoint is SO refreshing and right on the spot. You must be an oddity at a millennial party…like some weird neanderthal who has been transported from the 17th century and just doesn’t fit in with current philosophies of culture. You may be rare but you are not alone.

    May God bless you in your endeavors to find a husband who has not had his mind filled with images that don’t go away. Miracles are His specialty!

    Filters: There is also Integrity Online.

    One of the things you didn’t discuss is one of the main reasons that porn is addictive are the chemicals that are released during arousal. These are bonding chemicals and are as powerful as just about any drug out there and just as addicting.

    LikeLike

    1. Oh my gosh what a kind thing to say. Thank you. And I am so touched that you would pass them along. Hahah yeah I definitely don’t hold the same beliefs as a lot of my peers. Thanks for that great resource. And yes! Great insight. Thanks again! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

27. A really thought provoking and well written post. Just a couple of points and just my opinions: 1. Sex can be pleasurable without love; it satisfies a completely natural need. 2. Enjoying sex or watching other people have sex on screen is nothing to be ashamed of, why be ashamed of something if it gives us pleasure and doesn’t hurt anyone else? 3. Porn is like any other film insomuch as it is a reflection of fantasy and the actors and actresses are chosen according to their physical attributes that can best fulfill those fantasies – the same way that Reese Witherspoon is often cast as the quirky love interest or Angelina Jolie, the tough but sultry love interest. You are not threatened by these screen portrayals I assume and don’t feel that you will never be as worthy of love as their screen characters, so why feel threatened by an actress in a porn film? 4. Porn films (at least the good ones) give a far more accurate portrayal of sex than mainstream films that show it as passionate but romantic union, two people acting in perfect symmetry, elegantly working their way to mutual delirium. In reality, it can be funny, awkward, messy, intensely pleasurable, utterly satisfying or a complete let down! 4. Porn will not kill love; if a man or woman watches porn it doesn’t mean that their love for their partner will diminish in any way; although sex is better when you love someone (because you can be open, honest and uninhibited with them), love and sex are two different things – one satisfies the needs of our hearts and the other the needs of our bodies.

    LikeLike

    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this and joining the conversation! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

       1. Right back at you :O) x

          LikeLike

    2. Hello!

       First of all– your tone is very respectful and level-headed, which I greatly appreciate!

       I also want to reiterate a couple of things Caraline mentioned, not out of judgment, but because I think they’re SO important: Porn does, indeed, hurt others on an intimate and societal scale and porn can also hurt oneself.

       I invite you to check out this brief article about porn and sex trafficking from Huffpost:
       https://www.huffingtonpost.com/johnhenry-westen/want-to-stop-sex-traffick_b_6563338.html

       For more research and resources, you could check out Fight the New Drug– a secular organization exposing the negative results of porn usage:
       https://www.huffingtonpost.com/johnhenry-westen/want-to-stop-sex-traffick_b_6563338.html)

       Other thoughts come from, ultimately, a belief that the Bible is inerrant. But, there are plenty of secular resources that agree on how destructive porn usage can be.

       Again, a big thank you for the respectful tone of your response– it’s heartening.

       Peace.

       LikeLike

       1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I really appreciate you passing along those resources. Hugs and love xox

          LikeLike

       2. Thank you Donielle, I believe that the only way we can have true discourse is to have respect for one another’s views 😊 I will have a look at the articles that you mention. The only thing I would say is that it’s important to draw a distinction between sex trafficking and violence and porn films. I do accept that some people become addicted to it and I can see that it could become destructive but if someone has an addictive personality then I think that in itself could be enough to cause problems. Thanks to you for you friendly response :o) x

          LikeLike

28. There is a whole spectrum of ‘depravity’ we can observe in human nature because our ‘human’ nature is tainted by original sin. So depravity is the symptom. Porn or whatever depraved act is the ‘sickness’. The truth is out there. Hope u get well soon😁

    LikeLike

    1. Great point. Thanks Jeanne. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

29. I too have not been a big fan of porn because of my childhood. I was forced to watch it with my father. I won’t get into all of the other details of my childhood, but that was just a small aspect of it. I am actually about to start writing a book about it. But through lots of therapy and discussions with my husband, my views have changed slightly. It still makes me uncomfortable but I can see some upsides to it. I’ll spare the details but it has helped strangely enough to discover my boundaries with sex. What I’m willing to try and others where I say, um no. The videos that I have watched with my husband is just normal couples trying new things and not degrading towards one another. But and this is a big BUT, I see your point. It is scary to think their are young children watching this material, when personally I think they should be having these discussions with their parents. I think this is part of the problem too. Parents refuse to talk to their children, be open-minded and remember what it was like to be curious about sex or having that first crush and wanting to kiss them etc. It’s normal human behavior, but some parents just shush their kids and assume they have all the answers. Talking about sex/porn with my daughter will be difficult when that day comes because of my past, but I am grateful to have a husband will be able to step in and answer questions I won’t be able to. Porn addiction is definitely becoming an epidemic. Thats why we need to keep having these conversations, kindly speak our opinions and try to come to a neutral ground. But like I said before, I truly believe it starts with open discussions between children and their parents.

    LikeLike

    1. That just breaks my heart. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that as a child. Thank you for sharing your story. Sounds like you have a great husband. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

30. It’s interesting that you have concerns about not being enough, when you meet the right guy. But men also have similar insecurities, which can often be made worse after watching porn.

    But porn can’t ever compete with genuine love and affection. We know this because many porn addicts still feel empty and disconnected.

    I watched such content when I was younger, but nothing I saw could match a loving touch or a beautiful smile.

    I’m in a very fruitful relationship and was fortunate that watching porn has had no influence in my current relationship.

    We all have a deep desire to connect within a nurturing environment…it takes some people longer to get there…but it’s realistically possible.

    A very engaging post, and I applaud your sensitivity and intelligence. Great post. 😊

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. Great point – it can’t compete with genuine love. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

31. Covenant eyes is a total scam. It hurts more than it helps and that’s from personal experience. It literally caused me to get creative in how to avoid “getting caught” and only exacerbates the problem.
    Porn isn’t evil in and of itself.
    For single men who need that sexual release (and we ALL do) it’s just an outlet. Yes it can get excessive lol.. but most guys who watch porn know it’s not real life and understand that’s not how sex actually is (it CAN be but that takes a very progressive couple lol).
    Programs like Covenant eyes do 2 things. 1) they force you to put porn on a pedestal by making you admit (proclaim) that porn has power over you and that it’s something you need saving from and 2) in most cases it’s church members who get the app and so other church members (in my case my pastor) becomes the “accountability partner” who receives and email whenever you visit a site Covenant Eyes deems worthy of reporting. This then causes unrest and fear and anxiety that DOESN’T NEED TO EXIST.
    The porn industry is disgusting, I agree, but watching porn is just a work of the flesh and isn’t condemned as Paul says that all works of the flesh are “dead works” in God’s eyes, meaning they literally have no part or effect on anything but you yourself.
    Sin ONLY has power where there is a “law” to condemn it which gives sin it’s power (1 Cor 15).
    Covenant eyes IS that “law” which empowers porn to become something it’s not.
    Its simply a hoppy (albeit a kinda gross one) that Christian’s have targeted so as to scapegoat something and get the attention off themselves.
    Again… the porn industry isn’t a good thing, but Porn itself isnt bad or wrong. Sex outside of marriage isn’t either. Is it healthy? That’s not for me to say. But it’s not condemned anywhere in scripture and the only people who take issue with it and condemn it are those in the Church, who, by condemning it, give it a place of authority which causes all sorts of perversions.
    Anyways. Sorry for the rant but I highly doubt any other commentors had this perspective and i thought maybe you’d appreciate my perspective

    LikeLike

    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I appreciate your honest feedback on covenant eyes. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

       1. 😉

          LikeLike

       2. ✨💛✨

          LikeLike

    2. Hi, Rhett!

       Your honesty is admirable!
       Two very close people to me have found Covenant Eyes super helpful. And, as a woman who has struggled with some of the insecurities Caraline mentioned, I really appreciate their commitment to not watch porn.

       Honestly, I don’t think there is a way of getting around the fact that the Bible says lust is, indeed, wrong. I think it comes down to whether or not you believe the Bible is inerrant and whether or not you believe God’s way is best for us and for others.

       Here is just one snippet of Jesus’ words on lust from Matthew 5:
       “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

       I have certainty failed to live up to the kind of purity Jesus is calling us to in this passage! Praise God for grace. Praise God for the Holy Spirit’s power in us that enables us to obey.
       God doesn’t call us to be “good guys” or “good girls,” He calls us to be holy, conformed into the image of Jesus…through His power and His holiness!

       I think you are so right that we tend to elevate sexual sin as be the very worst kind of sin. Jesus bore the wrath of God for ALL of our sins. Lucifer’s sin was pride…and every single person struggles with pride is some way. I certainly know I do. And, I know that I need to cling to Jesus (which is an oh-so-intimate and delightful thing) in order to become even a bit like Him.

       Thank you again for your honesty!

       LikeLike

       1. Thanks for the response.
          In Matt 5 Jesus is speaking to Jews, and Jews under the law.
          Jesus actually CONTRADICTS the law all over the place in Matt 5, so there goes inerrancy out the door.
          We were never under the law and if you look close Jesus is actually being very coy and sneaky here… he says “youve heard it said ‘don’t commit adultery’ but even if you LOOK at a woman lustfully (under the law) you KNOW you’ve already commited adultery witj her in your heart.”
          Then he says that crazy thing about cutting your eye out… which ISN’T A LITERAL COMMAMD Otherwise every Christian would be blind!
          Jesus here is showing the difference between God’s law of love and the Jew’s law of Moses.
          Moses law was all about appearances and Jesus is interested in the hearts of his people.
          He’s doing two things here.
          1) showing them all that they are in the same boat (adulterers under the law) and
          2)showing them that under the law they are all helplessly condemned and judged and may as well throw themselves into hell (a mythical place that followed the Jews from their time in babylon)
          Jesus bore the wrath of MAN on the cross, not the wrath of God.
          He laid his life down for ISRAEL not for God so God could get his rocks off beating up his son.
          If the ONLY way God could possibly forgive humanity and so welcome us in was to beat up and kill his own son as a sacrifice and you believe that, then that means you worship a false god who is into human sacrifice.
          This whole “penil substitutionary atonement” thing is NOT biblical, its just popular because it paints God in colors we like, black and red.

          LikeLike

    3. @Rhett Okay so I noticed you used a verse that Paul states, and I think you blew it way out of proportion. Yes, the doings of the flesh are called dead works. It actually means the total opposite of what you say here. It does effect MANY things. You prove the Bible with the Bible, I’ve learned that. You can’t just take a verse and try to make it say what you want it to say. Here is a Bible verse that proves my point.
       Romans 3:27-28
       “Where, then, is boasting? Is it excluded. Because of the law? The law that requires works? No, because of the law that requires faith. For we maintain that a person is justified by faith apart from the works of the law.”
       So Paul is saying here that the law isn’t the only thing that matters now that Jesus has come back. Paul explains to the people that boasting isn’t included in the ‘law’ the Jews carried. But instead, it’s found in our faith in Jesus. Sorta like the ‘Jesus’ law. The Christian law if you will. And the Bible does talk about immorality, and we know from the Word that that immorality includes sex before marriage, or looking upon someone lustfully. Both these things are included in watching porn I think. And even though it is a struggle for many people, does that then make it right? If we truly are Christians then we will obey God’s word, and do everything in our power to stay away from sinful temptations. Now, I’m not one to judge because I’m not perfect in this way either, but I have turned away from these sins and you can do the same. I just felt the need to correct you there, not trying to be rude. God bless!

       LikeLike

       1. Lol. Its not a sin if there’s no law condemning it. We were NEVER under the Law, that was the Jews… which Jesus fulfilled and “nailed to the cross with all its demands.”
          Now, as Paul says in Romans, we are under the law of Love which says “do not offend, but also be slow to offense.”
          “Anything yoy do apart from faith is sin.”
          “Anything you do with thanksgiving to god is good and acceptable.”
          “All things are acceptable, but not all things are beneficial.”
          So, if you do something that others would be offended at, and you do it in front of them pusposefully TO offend them, yes that is sin. Its just common sense.
          UNDER THE LAW all sorts of things are condemned… but we are free from the law… we were never under it.
          We aren’t even under some made up “Christian” law because all was fulfilled 2000 years ago.
          Now we live in the new Creation, the new heavens and new earth, where there is no sin because there is One God and One people… we just haven’t figured it out yet 😉

          LikeLike

       2. The new heavens and new earth aren’t here until Jesus’s second coming lol. It says that clearly in Revalation and many other places in the gospels. And there is still sin, and Jesus will come back to make it all right again. I think you are changing the meaning of grace here. Yes, it covers our sins. But if we would read the Word and study it, we would see that grace isn’t supposed to be used to cover up our wrongs as we continue in them. Grace is given to those who are truly sorry and are in the process of repenting. I hope you realize that. God Bless.
          Joy 🙂

          LikeLike

       3. You should read my blog before commenting. I have a 7 part series called “Time of the End” that is an exhaustive study into when and what they are.

          LikeLike

       4. 50 years old never had sex or dated because of extreme shyness and social anxiety always had a fear from abuse when a child watch porn to help doesn’t cause me to think of violence or abuse towards women when I talk to them nor does it make me just want to have sex. Mostly talk and get hugs and kiss with therapy trying to my anxiety and fear of my past maybe dating right now have to fantasize before I go to sleep

          LikeLike

32. Hi 🙂 I enjoyed reading your post! I am doing a blog every day of May and today I would like to do a response to the thoughts that I had when I read this post. Do you mind if I mention and link to this blog post in it? It isn’t a negative or positive review of your thoughts per se but rather what jumped to mind when I read it! Some of it is agreeing and some is looking at it from a different angle, again not necessarily disagreeing! Just wanted to check if this was alright with you? Obviously if you say yes and then change your mind I can delete the part where I write about your blog and link etc!! Thanks 🙂

    LikeLike

    1. Thanks so much! Absolutely – would be honored if you mentioned my blog! Looking forward to reading your thoughts! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

33. Continue to pray for the state of your future husband’s soul. God can deliver that man now.

    LikeLike

    1. That’s such great advice. Thank you. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

34. Raising sons at the beginning of the internet revolution I knew that this issue was going to be a life changer for them.

    I used two resources that I highly recommend.

    One is “Every Man’s Battle” by Steve Arterburn, Fred Storker, and Mike Yorker. That was for me.

    Then I installed the resource on all our computers and phones from xxxchurch.com which has a free accountability software similar to Covenant Eyes.

    Finally, I read WITH my sons – when they were in the 7th grade – Every Young Man’s Battle.

    My sons are still virgins to this day and my oldest is 22 (and single, living in Chicago!) and the youngest 18 and about to enter college.

    It can be done, dads. It MUST be done!

    My wife and I have also been praying for our sons’ spouses since they (our sons) were in 7th grade. We have yet to meet them but they are out there somewhere!

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much for passing along those resources! That’s so awesome. Sounds like you and your wife are great parents! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

35. I met a guy whose friend owns a strip club. He goes there regularly, but not for lap dances and leering. ALL of the girls are troubled with guilt and shame, and he goes to check on them and talk to them. They come in clean and end up with drinking and or drug problems to deal with the stress.

    The same is true for the porn movies. These women are looking for some fast money, but they end up paying a psychological price. Even those who have flaunted success and and cash have broken down.

    Watching porn is not a victimless, no harm activity. It harms the people who perform in them. But it also hurts those who watch it. Studies have shown that watching porn increases your threshold of arousal over time. In other words, like any other drug addiction, you need more to get your high.

    Everything you’ve said here is spot-on and then some! You show great courage in taking on this issue, and I admire you for it!

    LikeLike

    1. Thanks for this powerful reflection Jeff. Yeah sadly that’s so many’s stories. Psychological price to say the least. So true. Hurts all involved. Thanks for your support Jeff. Big hugs to you and Julie! Xox

       LikeLike

36. Hi, This was a good article 🙂 You may be interested in a campaign called Fight the New Drug, I’ve found it to be a helpful resource to point people who are struggling to and it has helped me to understand their struggle better and work with them. The most upsetting thing about the statistics is that a study in America showed that within the church, 50% of guys were using and about 30% of women. Outside, it’s higher. I can testify that porn is not ‘harmless’ – not to the user and definitely not to the other person in the relationship (never mind the performers). The porn is never the other woman, you are. It’s cheating and there’s no two ways about it. But where there is genuine repentance, there can hopefully be healing and forgiveness. It breaks my heart that this is even a thing, never mind acceptable 😦

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much! I have heard great things about that organization. I appreciate sharing this insight. Amen – healing is possible. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

37. Great post. Don’t let anybody knock you for being a virgin. I wish I had waited till marriage. Lost mine at 23. In my opinion porn does give people a false idea about how sex and your partner should be. Growing up and still a part of the church I truly believe that sex is a gift from God. A gift that was meant to be shared between a husband and wife to bring them closer. But that’s just my opinion.

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much David. I really appreciate your encouraging words. Amen – a gift from God!! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

38. I love how you bare it all 🙂 Praying for your husband, and I know that God will honor that you have stayed pure for your husband.

    LikeLike

    1. Aw thank you so much for your kind words and prayers! Means a lot. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

39. After listening on sound-cloud I wrote this;

    I don’t usually listen as I listen to my radio while online reading. In any case, your writing is very good. You know your subject and I like to read what you have to say.

    Regarding porn, I too was addicted, or becoming addicted, not sure which. But, after a year of trying to stop and failing to, I am now free of it.

    I did as Jesus Himself instructed us, I prayed. I went to mass every day, prayed the rosary, went to confession etc., but of great assistance to me was when I located a priest who carries holiness about him everywhere.

    And I state from knowledge of many personal experiences, with God – with Him, there are no coincidences!

    So this priest’s simple presence boosted my efforts and the weakness of the flesh was finally conquered.
    I am ever now also aware of how Satan gets people to sin. He uses one sin to sneak by another, to open and clear the path to allow in worse sin which enters freely because of the lesser sin that opened the way.

    Only afterwards is it spotted.

    In my case, I one day lost the rag at another driver – simple, everyday driving stupidity from another caught me.

    I was busy, fitting everything in to my morning and so did not notice the danger at the time. I just saw red at the other driver’s loony behaviour.

    That night, after forty days clear away from porn – I had prayed the novena to Our Blessed Lady twice so I was well pleased; but I was right back in it.

    That fall was the greatest wake up call.

    I also recalled a dream that woke me two mornings prior where I was looking at St.Padre Pio sitting in his confessional glaring out at me like he didn’t want me near him. I was entirely confused by that – until I fell.

    Then I realised he had warned me by his visit to be less assured and to be more careful. I had been convinced that I had beaten porn but my confidence was built on a false premise.

    His visit humbled me, once I understood it.

    I also understood then what Jesus meant when He told us to watch as well as to pray. We have to watch for the innocuous, harmless-seeming sin that opens clearly the way for Satan just so that we can be damned with him. I think it likely that all heretical ideas are created in this way – including the greatest heresy given us by the founder of the Protestant religion. I pray for them.

    So I pleaded desperately with God for urgent help and within days I met that priest who exudes holiness. In hindsight I recall the sequence of events and understand a little better now how both God and the devil are both with us at all times.

    If it wasn’t for our guardian angel, the saints and Our Blessed Mother, we’d be damned long ago.

    p.s. That software that reveals web history would not be for me by the way but, that’s just me. Do keep writing

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so glad you’ve broken free from that!! Yes – there is so much power in prayer. Cheering for you friend. And wow what a powerful dream. Wow wow wow. God is good. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

40. It’s interesting hearing your perspective about how the concept scares you that your future boyfriend/husband probably will have looked at porn at some point in his past ( I say past because I definitely believe a guy who is deeply involved in porn should not be dating). For guys who look at porn but wish they didn’t, it kills their confidence with real women which is also why we are seeing a generation of men who cannot even approach a woman. I totally hear you about being scared though, and the sad part is the repercussions of porn habits probably scare men even more. There are virgin (and non-virgin) guys out there and for those that are or have been into porn, they often worry they’ve destroyed their future marriage/sex life. It’s a killer for sure. I often call it the silent killer because it’s a topic people are too ashamed to even talk about so thank you for posting about it.

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much Andrew for sharing your thoughts on this. It’s interesting to hear a guys perspective. A silent killer – yes! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

41. Interesting read. It is a sad state our world is in today. With that being said what you have to realize is you have way more to offer than any of those folks. You have true beauty, both inside and out. If a guy cannot see that it’s his loss. God has a plan for you. Keep staying true to you! The right guy God has planned for you will come. When you least expect it. Have a good weekend my friend!

    LikeLike

    1. Thanks so much William. So true – God has a plan and i have to place my trust in that! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

42. Well said. “I am a virgin. You know this. I’m not ashamed of it. In truth, I celebrate the fact that I will be able to give that gift to my husband one day.

    And even though I feel incredibly mocked and laughed at and judged by society for that decision, I completely respect other people’s decisions when it comes to their love life. To each his own. No judgement here.”

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

43. On point again! Such deception in our culture that porn is “normal” and doesn’t hurt anyone. I’m also proud of you for guarding your sexuality—that takes a lot of faith and strength. Blessings to you! Keep it up girlfriend.

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your support and encouragement. Means so incredibly much. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

44. Thanks for sharing. All you’ve said about porn and it’s addiction has given more fuel and strength to my resolve to never go back to pornography. The futility and emptiness of porn addiction is what woke me up to how ghastly I had wasted time and opportunity to having a meaning existence filled with love.

    LikeLike

    1. Thanks so much Samuel. I really appreciate your thoughts and experience in this. So happy for you that you’ve broken free!! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

45. Okay, my turn.

    Being raised as a Christian, I had zero interest in porn. I thought it was gross, vulgar, vile, etc. My parents were immensely protective. The Internet was limited to school work and learning, and my parents didn’t want me to be on the computer for hours upon hours, anyway. I had the sex talk with my mom on a long road trip during the summer between my junior and senior year of high school. I was convinced that I was going to be a virgin until marriage.

    Through my manipulative and abusive relationship from 2006-2010, I sincerely believed we were going to get married after college, so I gave my virginity to him. I don’t remember when I gave it to him at this point – I think it was in 2008. We used protection. But, he liked rougher sex. It hurt me almost every time. I didn’t understand then that sex shouldn’t hurt, ever. I started becoming more vocal when he started pushing down on my neck and holding my neck when I was giving him oral sex. In a way, me vocalizing my opinions and/or desires made everything worse, but oh well. Around this time, during a summer off from school, I foolishly used my parents’ computer to satisfy my curiosity regarding what porn was. I forgot to clear the browser history just once, and my mom found everything. She was horrified, convinced I was a lesbian. We had a long conversation, and we agreed that this would never be told to my dad. I secretly indulged in a few websites for a while, mainly focusing on women in messy situations – Mud, slime, etc. Years later, I realized that I’ve had this association/connection with mud and arousal going to back to my childhood. Back then, I didn’t make, or know how to make, the connection that the physical response I was feeling was arousal.

    Now, I don’t have the strong desire to look at it that I once did. Having Al come into my life changed my whole outlook. We talked about porn and everything long before we got married. I did struggle with telling him about my association with mud and arousal for years, and finally gained the courage a few months after we got married.

    But, on the very rare occasion that I’m home alone, I’m drawn to one particular website. It always gets me aroused, and then I’m able to carry it out through masturbation, which is something that I’m trying to do more often. It’s definitely helped me become more comfortable and relaxed in the bedroom, and I know it’s helped our sex life. It’s all connected. Having sex is an act of love, but it’s also very much a mental game, and involves many emotions. It’s complicated, and good communication is vital.

    So, in a way, I agree with you that porn does kill love. For me, what I view is more of still photos that are set up like movies. With that said, I believe that porn, as a whole, definitely can be addicting. The previous comment about porn re-wiring people’s brains – That makes complete sense. I’m disheartened that the average age has dropped to 8 years old. Wow. That statement alone say so much about our society.

    However, I also have hope. You are one of several people that I know who are or have been committed to remaining virgins until marriage. I give you a standing ovation for that.

    LikeLike

    1. Hi Laura Beth. Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story. Gosh my heart just goes out to you. You’re so right – you should never feel hurt during sex and I’m so sorry that your abuser did not cherish the beautiful gift you are. Praise God for Al! Truly your knight in shining armour!! 🙂 thank you again for sharing your journey. Keep fighting the good fight. Yes! So much hope indeed. Sending so much hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

       1. You’re so welcome. Your posts compel me, motivate me, to pour out my heart and soul. You are fighting the good fight, too. Love and hugs – Have a GREAT weekend! XOXO

          LikeLike

       2. Awww yes you too!

          LikeLike

46. For single men today that I have talked to, they struggle with dating because many women like partying, getting high, drunk, and wild sex. A good man who is a gentleman is often a turn off to a lot of women in modern society. What women want a square? Sometimes good men change because they want to fit this bad mold. If a woman is not raised up right she offers a good man nothing. It really is a two way street. Sex really is different for everyone. I have often believed the driver for porn is couples mismatch sexually. If you have one that wants sex one day a week and another in the relationship who wants it twice a day there is a mismatch. The one that is hungry opens the pantry and sees no food. Are they to sexually starve? Porn is also driven by taboo. Sex is SO taboo that we rarely discuss it which drives the secrecy. Many men say sexual talk gets them labeled a pervert. We are not talking about filthy conversation either. How great would it be if someone could say to their date, “I like sex seven times a week. How about you?” Right off they could determine if there is a mismatch. Without secrets, without guilt. No taboo. I do believe if communication were better porn would be less of an avenue for many. Communication breakdown has been porn’s fertilizer.

    LikeLike

    1. Hi Albert, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I’m with ya that communication is the foundation for a strong and healthy relationship! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

47. Your future husband will be receiving a wonderful gift, your virginity! There is no way to get it back once it has been taken from you. Mine was taken by an evil rapist when I was still living at the house in which I grew up. Escaped the rapist by leaving for college out of the state in which I had lived.

    Once in a new state, a met many new friends. The last one, I slept with before marriage just to see if sex was as bad as I remembered. Good news is it was better when the gentleman is actually concerned about you! The day after I graduated college, we Said our wedding vows at the church we were both members of the congregation! That was way back on December 16 1995. We have stayed together traveling around mid-western US ever since!

    LikeLike

    1. Thanks Jeanette for sharing your story gosh that just breaks my heart to hear that you were violated like that. Gosh my heart goes out to you. Know that you did not deserve that. And that you deserve to be respected and cherished. I’m so glad you’ve found a wonderful husband! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

48. I just loved this entry. I did watch porn in college with my friends – but I was also a virgin. I saved myself for my (ex) husband – who didn’t appreciate it at all. But regardless I was proud of myself for staying true to what I believed in. It’s not always easy but it does pay off. You’re going to make an amazing bride and don’t let anyone try and tell you you’re not! Xoxoxox ❤️

    LikeLike

    1. Thank you so much Susie. I really appreciate your thoughts on this. And thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry your ex husband didn’t cherish that beautiful gift you gave him. Thank you for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

49. I appreciate you’re self-awareness of the potential marital discord around unrealistic and unachievable expectations of a porn-watching husband. Having been a naive virgin myself, I suffered for many years under the fear and shame of inadequacy, missing out on the beautiful gift of sexuality God has given us. May the Lord bless you with a man worthy of your purity. 💕

    LikeLike

    1. Thanks so much for your kind words. So glad this resonated with you. Thanks for sharing about your story too. It’s nice to know I’m not alone! Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike

50. At a Tantra “taster” event, the facilitator asked “What is orgasm?” I was in a group with two women, and offered “Orgasm is a surrender to the healing power of love.” With their concurrence, that was our answer. The facilitator’s response was “Wow. You three are pretty sophisticated.”

    The subtle point here is that there is nothing to be ashamed of in sex that leads to that conclusion. It is the method through which a couple becomes “one flesh.” When they separate, people look at the two partners individually and see their love for each other written all over them.

    When we honor that bond, it does not end with orgasm. It accompanies us in every waking moment of our lives. This is what those who watch porn are cheating themselves of – they substitute a biological release for the gift of love.

    And they are far weaker because of it. There is no one to stand guard in them when the world tempts them with sin. They become Ping-Pong balls batted around by the expressions of sin.

    Honoring the gift of love is not trivial. Those that have fallen into corruption – isolating themselves from love – become intensely jealous of the bond. The best defense is to ask, in every situation, “Is this experience going to bring me closer to God?” If we can remain in that frame of mind, nothing can shake our devotion.

    LikeLike

    1. Thanks Brian for this interesting perspective. Theres a lot of truth in that – sex is beautiful and such an intimate expression of love. Thanks for your encouragement. Hugs and love xox

       LikeLike