514 thoughts on “PORN: A Virgin’s Perspective”

1. Hey, Caralyn: great post! Addiction takes many forms, and your story and virtue bring light in many contexts.

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   1. Thanks again x

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2. Very nice post!! Very interesting approach towards porn. I am only seventeen and too young to actually comment my opinions but I like the way you’ve been open about your views on the topic🙂🙂

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   1. Thank you so much Rageshree! Totally understand. Glad you stopped by! Hugs to you friend xx

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3. A piece of advice an acquaintance gave me decades ago (which I fell short of following myself) may help. Find happiness, joy and satisfaction within yourself, that way when you find a similar partner the two of you may share and increase in the abundance of your joy. Do not look to find happiness from someone else. If you can find, build and develop self satisfaction within your self then you can discriminate and choose a mate with more confidence and wisdom.

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   1. That’s such great advice! You’re right – no one can be our happiness. Thanks for sharing! Hugs and love xox

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4. I am so happy that some woman on Earth has the same perspective as mine. I thought I would have been termed backward according to my principles but now I know that I am actually standing up to my morals. It was a lovely experience readure your blog. You spoke the truth and the best. It was just awesome. I would really like to connect with you at the personal level.
   Do follow my blog if you like it.
   2 AM Productions.

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   1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! So glad it resonated with you 🙂 yes! Would love to connect! Will def follow. Hugs and love xox

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5. Not every man are watching porn, for example my man don’t watch it. I know he doesn’t like it at all. I’ve seen his reactions when these pop ups comes accidentally to screen. He hates those spams as much as I do!!! So you can also find man who don’t like porn! 😁

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   1. Thanks for sharing that! I’m so glad you’ve found one of the rare men out there! Sounds like an awesome couple! Thanks for the encouragement 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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      1. Well, he’s Christian. I think many of them are like him. 😁 Hugs and love back to you too!

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      2. ✨💛✨

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6. Porn definitely produces unrealistic expectations of sex in marriage. Porn is staged and fake. Marriage is real life. Sexual intimacy in marriage is to be celebrated and is so important between a husband and wife. It’s God’s beautiful design. Unfortunately, the easy access of porn and society’s downplay of the problem is ruining what is to be understood as true intimacy in marriage. That’s for shedding light on this.

   And, I celebrate your virginity with you. I was a virgin when I got married and my husband and I dated for 5 1/2 years. It’s a decision you will never regret holding firm to.

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   1. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this. And for sharing your story! Amen – it’s God’s beautiful design. What a beautiful love story the two of you share 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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7. Hi Caralyn, I hope you are feeling better. Great post, as always.

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   1. Thank you Mary. Yes! I am feeling a lot better. Not 100% but almost there! Plus my mom just arrived this morning! She’s visiting for Mother’s Day 🙂 thanks for taking the time to read! Hugs and love xox

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8. Porn certainly is NOT the restoration to the fullness of being achieved in a marriage of soulmates. Within marriage there is a sexuality which clarified of its craving and attachment, is truly Eucharistic – “This is my body, given for you” – a drawing near to the other with all that one has and is, in conscious love, to give the innermost gift of oneself in the most intimate foretaste of divine union that can be know in human flesh. Porn soils this and is the absence of both Love and God – in no way can it be “making love.”

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   1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. So true – the absence of love and god. Amen! Hugs and love xox

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9. I also am a virgin. I am 45.

   Now my mantra is, I’ve gone this long without sex outside of marriage – why would I mess it up now?

   I was once in a room full of people, and one of them was going on and on about someone having children and not knowing it. And I simply said, “Well, that’s one thing I don’t have to worry about. I KNOW I don’t have any children.”

   The woman speaking says, “Well, you can’t KNOW for a fact. One of your partners may have just never mentioned to you that she got pregnant….”

   I interrupted… “No, I CAN know for a fact!”

   “Not 100%,” she insisted.

   I rolled my eyes. “Yes _____, there IS a way I can be 100% certain that I have no children!” I said, and waited for her to finally catch on.

   “Ohhhh, you mean …… so you’re like, gay?”

   :: Sigh ::

   In another case, very recently, someone commented on a Facebook post that I was fortunate that I didn’t actually want sex ….

   I never said anything to suggest that.

   But that’s how messed up it is, that people can’t seem to grasp the idea that just because you want something doesn’t mean you should always just take it! They can’t conceive there could be a 45 year old virgin male who is perfectly healthy and has desires, but just has not had sex, because he never got married.

   Movies like that stupid “40 year old virgin” sure don’t help matters any. Hey, Hollywood – get it through your heads – no everyone who is a virgin is some nerd who’s always wanted to have sex but just got rejected. In some cases – we had to do the rejecting. And it wasn’t easy.

   But on your point about being afraid you won’t measure up. Let me turn that back around for a minute. Do you know how many women I know who read 50 Shades of Grey. And saw the movie? And enjoyed Magic Mike as well? And 10000 Romance Novels before that? And drool over men like Fabio? So – how are WE, men, supposed to measure up? See it works both ways … yes, men have porn and when most people think of porn they think naked women. But WOMEN have porn too; just because they don’t get turned on by sight doesn’t mean nothing gets to them. So they have their romance novels and Fabio and whatever, and then real men don’t measure up to that either.

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   1. Thank you so much Vincent for sharing your story. Oh my gosh, what an ignorant thing that woman said to you. I’m so sorry about that. I think it is so awesome that you’ve made that commitment. That’s such a great point. Yeah – I never saw any of those movies either. I just felt an uneasiness about watching something that I knew wasn’t good for my soul. That’s for the beautifully refreshing response! Hugs and love xox

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10. WOW, so many great comments to a great article! Thanks everyone. Little can be added, but I will reiterate that God created sex as a gift for pleasure as well as procreation, but only within the context of marriage. The very same act between man and wife that God sees as pure becomes filthy and disgusting outside the boundaries of marriage.

    One additional thought for you and all who are single or newlywed, I highly recommend a book co-authored by by Sybill and Stephen Clarke, Christian Family Guide to Married Love. I ask all couples I see in premarital counseling to purchase this book to find a pure, matter-of-fact perspective that takes away much of the apprehension that many young couples feel.

    BTW, my wife and I both were virgins when we married – what a blessing.

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    1. Thank you so much Steven! Yes! I have been blown away by the incredible insight and personal stories that people have been so wonderful to share. Amen – it is a beautiful gift! and thanks for the book recco!! Hugs and love xox

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    2. And ps- what a beautiful love story. Thanks for sharing that!

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11. Well stated. well said…porn is taboo but needs to be addressed..greaat job in addressing this dilemma.

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    1. Hi Ann! Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. I agree – it’s practically a public health concern!! Hi

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    2. #hugs

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12. Thank you for being bold and posting this. It’s truly and epidemic that is killing love as you said. I’ve had my share of addictions and am actually in recovery right now for drug addiction. I was introduced to pornography at a fairly young age, around 9 or 10 and it’s crazy how much of a stronghold it can get in your life. One thing that has helped me that you mention is the accountability software that I have on my phone, an accountability partner, and having my mindset changed on it. Having a daughter, I couldn’t imagine what I’d do if she got caught up in that world and don’t want to imagine it. One YouTube channel I found that you might like is Fight the New Drug, https://www.youtube.com/user/FightTheNewDrug/featured . The testimonies about those who have been in the industry are so good. Thanks for posting this again, I appreciate that you don’t shy away from touchy issues, we need to be talking about this and in this way.

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    1. Thank you so much Peter for sharing your story and for this awesome resource. I’m so glad that you’ve found freedom from that! I think you’re right – it’s a conversation that needs to be had! Hugs and love xox

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       1. Well, I’m still in recovery, so I’m still dealing with my addiction. I completed the first phase of my treatment program and am almost to the end of my second phase. I relate a lot with the lying all that you talked about, it’s crazy what addiction does to you! i started treatment in September of last year and am really glad I did. I had almost 7 months clean, but got into my own head again and started feeling like I had it under control and I found out very quickly that I am not in control of much.

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       2. Recovery is definitely a journey but I am cheering for you!! That’s amazing. You’ve made the decision to adopt recovery and that is something to celebrate. Big hugs xox

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       3. Yep! One day at a time and the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can! 🙂

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       4. Amen 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

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13. I applaud you Caralyn for always giving us your perspective. It really takes true courage to have strong convictions and stand by them regardless of what others may think. It’s rare to find such a strong and intelligent woman who has positive things to say. I truly hope that my daughter can grow up to emulate your good characteristics.

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    1. Thank you so much Mark, I appreciate your encouragement. Gosh I am seriously so touched by your kind words. Hugs and love xox

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14. I respectfully disagree with a general bashing of pornography. For one, what is and what is not considered pornography is subject of change and personal point of view, because morals evolve and change and depend on culture and society more, than any objective agenda. Secondly, I really like the definition of pornography from a porn actress, who contrary to what your personal POV may be, is not in it out of a dire need, but voluntarily. It is her profession she has chosen after careful consideration. Her definition of porn, is that it is a portray of sexual fantasies turned into a “scene to be watched”. These fantasies thus exist and people do have them, and enjoy seeing them portrayed. Just as much, as food does not make addictions, pornography does not generate porn “addiction”. I agree that we need to make sure, that people do not get the wrong ideas about human sexuality and let alone intimacy and interpersonal relationships, but blaming all that social breakdown on the pornography or its industry is in My opinion cheap and inappropriete. While some pornography may be gateway to sex trafficing condemning all of it and accusing it of that, is like blaming any chef for food addictions. I understand you feel strongly about this, and I understand you have your set oppinion – so I do not expect you to change your opinion, I am only opening your eyes here, to a different, less accusatory perspective. I will close my post comment with this. The brand “Beneton” has been accused of pornography and their advertisement campaignes censored in muslim countries, because a poster showed a person sticking their tongue out. You see, in some muslim countries, a display publically of the tongue is considered pornography. This is just to show you that something, we may consider benign, can be a horrible thing for someone else. If you do not like to watch porn, dont! Do we agree that porn should not be at the fingertip of children or people of not the age of consent? 100%. But should we demonize and accuse pornography of the decay of all our family values? That is a far stretch and does not do our own power to positively change society any justice. #StrictMotivation

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    1. Thank you for sharing your perspective and for joining the conversation. I appreciate you offering these counterpoints. I definitely respect your position, though it differs from mine. I think there’s beauty when we can all come together in mutual respect and hear from one another and foster understanding. So thank you for contributing to the dialogue!! Hugs and love xox

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15. Purity in the world today is such a hidden treasure!! And love that you are speaking up about this topic. Cause it’s preventing men to stand up and be Godly men!! Love the post 😀

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    1. Thank you so much friend. I appreciate your support and encouragement more than you know 🙂 have a great weekend. Hugs and love xox

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16. Hi Caralyn! I used a picture you created on my blog post “What I have Learned from Writing about the Chibok girls,” and gave photo credit, but did not ask you if I could use it, first. If you do not want me to use it, I can take it down! I am sorry for not asking before posting it.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing it! Not to worry! Hugs and love xox

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17. I think I shared this in the past; when I was in the Marines I was clowned for being a virgin, for turning away when guys watch and read things pornographic, etc. I was a Christian then (and still am now) and fueling the temptation for men is the pressure from society that says it is “normal” and sometimes even women find it weird that a man of God would resist sexual immorality. But I’m glad I did things God’s Way and I believe He has blessed my marriage much and of course it is by the grace of God both saving grace and sanctifying grace.

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    1. Thanks for sharing your past, Jim. Amen – Sanctifying grace and saving grace indeed! Hugs and love xox

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18. […] was perusing WordPress earlier today when I came across a post titled “PORN: A Virgin’s Perspective” and it made me […]

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    1. Thanks for the link up! Hugs and love xox

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19. Wonderful! Coming from a man who has and is struggling in this area of my life, you’re spot on. The effects of porn are devastating. It may seem harmless at first. I mean, it just a picture or a video, but in the grand scheme of things, it can affect your entire life. It can make you live a double life. It can make you want to experience things that you’ve seen in videos. It can make you view the opposite sex as an object instead of the beautiful treasure that God created and the beautiful act that God ordained between a husband and wife. Thank you so much!

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m sorry this hits so close to home. Know that I’m praying for you on your journey 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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20. Porn is a destroyer of relationships. I am a Christian man and I refuse to click that link. We are tempted to check it out from a curiosity standpoint but it is the bait the devil dangles in front of us. Men are drawn away by the lust of the eyes, so as men we need to guard our heart by guarding our eyes. I read once that pornography is a major cause of impotence in men because they lose their excitement for the wife of their youth. Pornography is poison that kills relationships, don’t take a sip just to see what it tastes like.

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    1. Thanks for sharing that Harry. You’re so spot on – it really is a poison. Hugs and love xox

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21. You do a great job on your blog of tackling such tough topics! I thought of 2 different things as I was reading this.
    1) I think some men get involved with this because they are either really afraid of actual relationships, or just not interested in “real” women. This stuff is easy – too easy.
    2) There are different levels of immoral media, but we don’t really talk about them that much. There is the really hardcore x rated material, but our society also has milder forms such as r rated movies which bring alot of material more mainstream. In this category I would place some modern music which describes 2 people together – or parts of bodies in the lyrics. This creates a culture really of sensuality everywhere we turn.
    I have heard of support groups in churches where “brothers” can talk and hold each other accountable. This is a great idea! I know of at least one that is Catholic.
    Thanks for your on going courage. Peace.

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    1. Gosh thank you so much for your kind words! And I really appreciate you sharing these powerful thoughts. Yeah – Hello 50 Shades of Grey and Game of Thrones! Yikes. Never seen either but I have heard the graphic nature of their content. Hugs and love xox

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       1. Blessings!

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       2. 💛✨💛✨

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22. We live in a porn saturated world and wonder how we have people like Harvey Weinstein walking around…

    A priest once told me something very simple and very profound (I think the two often go together): It’s not real. It’s all fake. And that really made me pause because I realized that I could either pursue Something that was fake or I could go on a quest to find Someone who is real. I’m not the spiciest sandwich in the picnic basket but it didn’t take a genius to see which one to choose.

    It can be hard but it is worth it. Like Theodore Roosevelt said, “Nothing worth gaining is gained without effort.”

    Great post, Carolyn.

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    1. Thanks so much Nathan. So true – we wonder. And wow what a powerful message from your priest. Sounds like a great person and spiritual brother to have in your life. Hugs and love xox

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23. I’ve worked with men escaping from porn for 8 years now, after I made the escape myself. Good news – you CAN overcome it. Like every addiction, it is an anesthetic for personal pain and shame. Physically, it’s a chemical addiction to a regular overdose of natural endorphins. The addict literally needs a fix and knows where to find it. It’s “Petri dish” is isolation and it’s enabling attitudes are the ignorant acceptance you cited and denial at the personal level.

    The church, sadly, has generally made matters worse by telling addicts to simply try harder and do some form of behavior modification. And forcing the already shamed people into further shame. The real way out is to have a group of the same gender, same problem and go through the gunk together. One such ministry where this happens is Pure Desire. Not all porn addicts are alike by any means. Some go into debt, some wreck their marriages. We’ve had rapists and child sex molesters in our groups, all come clean through the process – and it is a process.

    The destruction porn is leaving on the Millennial generation has yet to be felt. Teenage boys are marinating in it.

    For sure there is a way out, and you can have confidence your husband-to-be will only have eyes for you. But if he has had the problem, he can’t bury it or pretend it’s gone till he becomes accountable and gets through it with others.

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    1. Thanks for sharing your story. Wow what an incredible ministry you have. Amen – you CAN overcome it. Thanks for this powerful insight. Yeah only time will fell with millennials. Hugs and love xox

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24. Very good post! 🙂 Important issue especially in today’s age.

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    1. Thank you so much! I appreciate you taking the time to read. Hugs and love xox

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25. If you research a bit deeper into this topic and you will realize porn is a form of mind control and social conditioning.

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    1. Wow what a thought. Thanks TS. Hugs and love xox

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       1. I think you follow my site, I have articles about it on there. But, hey I’m just a crazy conspiracy theorists.

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       2. Love it 🙂

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       3. Excuse the typo in my above message, I’m tired. I meant to say… I’m just a crazy conspiracy theorist….singular, not plural.

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       4. Not to worry!

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26. Wow. Yet another stunning post. Thanks for sharing. Not every guy watched porn Caralyn. I really haven’t even seen the point of it. And trust me, there are quite a few of them. And yes, they love the Lord. But, thanks for sharing. Appreciate your candidness

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    1. Thanks Ish. Yeah, I shouldn’t have made such a blanket generalization, but it definitely is rampant to say the least. So glad you stopped by. Big hugs to ya xox

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27. I have to say I have only just come across your writing just now and can I push the love you are still saving yourself for marriage. I have a lot of demons and I wish I could have waited for my husband but sadly if I had of I wouldn’t have my 5 children who where born before I met him but we still had our daughter and yes she was born before we married in 2012.
    As a pretty intellectual woman of sex, demons, porn and the list goes on. I would love you to take a read of some of my work and I will be happy to answer any questions you may have on any subject matter as I do believe you are a very special woman. God bless your heart and your lifestyle plans I do hope you find a loving and deserving man for you to marry

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    1. Thank you DA for sharing your story. It sounds like you have a beautiful family 🙂 I’ll def check out your writing! Hugs and love xox

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       1. I’m not sure if I was technology interrupted with my reply but my phone glitches on me as I looked up to see Megan arrive finally after 4hours of watching 😁😉

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       2. God bless, and as writers/ authors it’s up to us to make sure we support our industry. Xx

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       3. Thanks again!! Xox

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       4. I am not really against the idea of sharing my pages with your friends and family or just need to post and have writers block 😁💖I too will get your life out, of course with your permission

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       5. Thank you friend. Means a lot 🙂

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28. Thank you for sharing this. There is a organization who’s slogan is “Porn kills love” called fight the new drug. They are on facebook. You should check them out and become a fighter or share this post with them.

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    1. Thanks so much. Oh awesome, I’ll definitely look into them! Thanks for the recco. Hugs and love xox

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29. An interesting post. My first experience of porn was Penthouse magazines under my brother’s bed. Mum was horrified and he was mad at me for telling her. I guess that would have been true for my husband too. Later in a business we owned I was confronted by demeaning pornographic pictures on the lunch room wall. Something my husband and I did not tolerate once we took over. Such a sad indictment of our culture.

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    1. Thanks so much Robyn for sharing your story. You’re right – it really is a sad indictment of or culture. Hugs and love xox

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30. I didn’t read your entire piece so apologies for commenting without reading the whole thing. I just want to say I’ve been watching porn in some form since I was 17 as my brother as a single man had some porn tapes. And as I began to learn during the late 90s it was also readily available online also even in it’s blocky low resolution form.

    This is one thing I want to quit though for me, it enables me to know what to do with a women once I get her in bedroom. Of course having watched different types of porn over the years I can see some of it perhaps not as objectifying towards women though certainly an unrealistic idea of relations between men and women.

    Guys dominate the women and I’m not just talking about bondage porn. The trend I notice even in what passes for mainstream porn is that sometimes the acts depicted are more taboo. And what I see out there is not what I’d imagine the way I’d relate to women. While I still watch porn I know it warps my view of women and dating and it’s definitely something I’d want to get away from in the future.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your experience on this topic. You’ve offered some powerful insight here. Hugs and love xox

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31. I really enjoyed this one. I appreciate you coming from an admiral place. However… I think you missed the mark, a little, for why the majority of people watch porn and how they relate it back to their own sex lives. I guess I’ll speak for myself, only. Masturbation feels good and we are visual beings. It’s not so much the fascination with the content, but the way it gets you into that place where you get that excitement. Its hard (or not, he-he) without material. That being said… yes it can become a bit of a routine, but not something I refer back when being intimate with someone. The connections I’ve had with a physical person, especially in those intimate moments, have been well past any fake experience I’ve had in my mind with some whore off Pornhub. AND… I would never judge a woman for not wanting to do certain things or not being a “pro” in the sack based on the smut videos I’ve seen. I think that this says a lot more about broken minds then it does about the addiction to porn itself. I simply look at porn as a gateway to make my body feel good. It’s alright to feel good, I think.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing this insight. Yeah it definitely is a tool and means to an end in that department. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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32. Terrific post! Thank you for keeping it 100% about porn viewership and more importantly the effects on our society. The world makes sin look normal and righteous look strange. Congratulations – continue to hang on to your V card! Men who can’t respect that don’t deserve the treasure that you are!

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    1. Thank you so much Mirhonda! Isn’t it funny the way the world has it backwards?? And thanks for your encouraging words! Hugs and love xox

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33. Your post made me cry… It really is a very scary statistic (although not a surprising one). As a mother of a girl and 2 boys, I teach them to dodge the soft porn commercials and do whatever I can to protect them from coming across hard porn on the internet, etc. I have sooooooo many opinions on this topic too, but I think you’ve done a great job of expressing many of them for me. Thank you! I pray that your future husband is one of the few men that do not and have not indulged in porn. I pray the same for my children… God is able! Don’t lose hope and keep sharing the good news 🙂

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    1. Aw thank you Monika. I’m so glad it hit home with you. It sounds like you’re an amazing mom. Thank you for your prayers and kind words. Yes He is! Hugs and love xox

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34. […] haven’t read Part One you can find it here and you can find BeautyBeyondBones’s original post here (I really recommend reading her piece before mine so that you can understand my post more fully). […]

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    1. Thanks for the link up! Hugs and love xox

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35. That’s one bold, daring piece to write. Not that it is fiery and angry. But because it is new and different. You stick out like a sore thumb among your generation. Yet, you are like the voice of one crying in the wilderness.

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    1. Thanks friend… I think… haha jk jk I appreciate you stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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36. Hey, Sis’. I’ll be honest with you about something: I… was introduced to the ‘porn phase’ back when I was a teenager. An ex of my mother sought to show me something ‘interesting’ on his tv while my mother was at work. Anyways, he showed it, and at the same time, he had his way with me because of it. I look back on my years, and wish I could’ve been… strong. Sorry. I’m tearing up while I’m messaging you. I was raped by my father, molested by a great uncle, and introduced to porn and raped by my mom’s ex. The question I always thought about was: Where did my virginity go? 😦

    In regards for men, be yourself. A real husband will only seek that in you, especially if, he too, is a God-fearing man. The plastic-surgery stuff isn’t worth it in order to draw decent men in your life, especially if their not the ones to notice you first. 🙂 Be strong and keep doing what you are doing. Chat soon. xoxo 🙂

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    1. Thanks for sharing your story. Gosh my heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry that the man that was supposed to be your most stalwart protector abused you like that. You were supposed to be cherished by him and I’m am just so sorry that you received that horrible treatment. You did not deserve that. I will be praying for you friend. Hugs and love xox

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       1. Thank you so much for your prayers, Sis’. Prayers are the strongest gifts I could ever receive and have in my life. I’m stronger because of your prayers and because of God’s Love. xoxo 🙂

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       2. absolutely. xoxo

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37. You have lots of comments already, so I’ll br brief. First, I’d be interested in reading the books you recommended. Second, I don’t think the porn industry is all ice cream and lollipops, but I also don’t think it’s evil. Experiences vary. Third, and I don’t mean this in a demeaning way, but you are clearly a virgin. Sex is fun and exciting, but can quickly become boring or routine. Many marriages have staled on sex. Variety, including porn, can keep faithful couples interested in each other, instead of wandering elsewhere. It’s actually a tool to healthy monogamous sex, as long as partners communicate what they want to try.
    Fourth, porn addiction isn’t the same as watching porn. At all.
    And lastly, I get that you’re viewing sex from a religious viewpoint, but sex is not a magic thing that you have to give only once. If you wish that, I have no issues with it. But just realize that many people have been sexually active and the special part of a relationship is the monogamy, not the magic gift given the first time. After the first time, it’s all the same anyway. And I caution you on this because your future husband may not be a virgin. In fact, highly doubtful. I don’t want you to somehow diminish the feelings he will have for you or the commitment he is willing to accept because he had sex previously.
    Thanks, keep up the good work!

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this!! Lots of food for thought here. And thanks for the powerful advice. Hugs and love xox

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    2. Just want to throw in– you can be creative and spice things up without porn! There are people you can talk to and books you can read that use helpful, though not vulgar, language.
       I absolutely love the podcast Sexy Marriage Radio. I don’t agree with 100% of what they say, but have found their podcast super helpful and inspiring.
       I’m certainly not a sex-pert and I know everyone’s marriage is different, but I thought I’d share!

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       1. Thank you, Donielle. I’m certainly not saying porn is a requirement, but I’m also saying to each their own. Some people like talking dirty. Some people like a little tying up. Some people like toys. It’s whatever you and your partner decide, as long as it is mutual.

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38. in a word “wow”

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    1. Thanks friend. Hugs and love xox

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39. Thank you for your courage to share. Believe me, not ALL of your generation is polluting their minds with the lust of the flesh. There are men of your generation who are saving their eyes, minds, and bodies for someone who is committed to following Jesus. Wait for one of them and don’t settle for less. God bless your walk with Him. His standards are always best.

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    1. Thanks Jay. I appreciate your kind words and encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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40. Great post..I’m 52 and never watched it , I can tell you still to this day..that is a no go for me in or out of a relationship and a nogo to stay in one….it leads to a child trafficking period..its all investing in the sexual explotation and abuse of young children , not to mention older people that give in for cash, and are striooed of their dignity and shamed for the decisions by the very people that watch it..there are very few things that anger me…this is one that outrages me..I feel like a momma lion ready to rip through the seams that have seams sewed….ughhh I ache for the children and for LOVE that is forgotten.
    I will not waiver on this issue and it is a lake of deception and abuse…there is no love in porn..we all have creative minds, use it in love, use it in the most authetic way to shower your lover with truth and if they say your not enough…it’s the reflection of their behavior and run like the wind…

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    1. Thanks Kerri. I really appreciate your encouragement!! Amen to that. Hugs and love xox

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41. If it helps, I’ll chime in as someone who has had multiple sexual partners and is now happily married for 9 years – sex is a unique experience between any two people. To someone who has the right attitude, there is no such thing as comparing partners. In fact – if you do find someone who decides to compare you to someone else, that’s a HUGE red flag that ought to be a deal-breaker.

    TL/DR: If you marry a good man, you do not have to worry about being “good enough.” If he makes you feel that way, check your local diocese for annulment resources (I’m kidding … except I’m not).

    In some ways I think porn is more harmful to a person who doesn’t have sexual experience, because they have no context to compare it to; I think when a person doesn’t value the real experience of sex with another person that porn addiction is more likely, just because it’s so much different than the real thing. So for those people that simply can’t value the real experience because they don’t KNOW the real experience, I think that’s where there’s the most risk. Against a backdrop of regular sex with the same or multiple partners, porn just doesn’t hold the same appeal. But that’s just been my experience.

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    1. Thank you so much for this powerful insight an perspective. Lots of food for thought there! So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

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42. Good post, and I am very glad you have kept yourself pure for your husband only. I was told long ago that a woman like you no longer exists in the world… Hahaha! How wrong they were! Keep up the good work!

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    1. Thanks so much! Hugs and love xox

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43. Well said. And good for you for sticking to your morals and values.This world needs more of that.

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    1. Thanks so much Ronny! Hugs and love xox

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44. This blog is an obvious sales pitch for a book that may or may not be accurate or even well researched. My senior English research paper was on Pornogrphy and it’s relationship to literature. Pornography is defined as something that arouses prurient interest. Lady Chatterly’s Lover by DH Lawrence was once considered to be pornographic. By definition, the 1020’s Sears Catalog could be considered pornographic because many a young boy used the underwear section as fuel for erotic fantasy.

    Pornography does not cause loss of love or respect for women any more than video games have been shown to promote gun violence. It is the visual or written expression of the fantasies that go on in the minds of many people. Those fantasies can be a healthy part of love making.

    There are many factors leading to the perceived diminution of love and respect within today’s society and I think porn is fairly low on the list.

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    1. Hi there! Thank you for your feedback. Just so you know, this blog was not a sales pitch for a book. I receive no profits from it. I was genuinely trying to offer a resource for those struggling with porn addiction. It was coming from a sincere place to help. I would hope that my readers realize that I do not, have not, and will not ever solicit anything to them or use this as a sales platform. That is not who I am. That is not the purpose of this blog. This blog is my ministry, not an advertising platform and anything I do recommend I stand behind and am mentioning it because I think it could help. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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    2. I think C.S. Lewis said it best.

       “Or take it another way. You can get a large audience together for a strip-tease act-that is, to watch a girl undress on the stage. Now suppose you came to a country where you could fill a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate on to the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let every one see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a mutton chop or a bit of bacon, would you not think that in that country something had gone wrong with the appetite for food? And would not anyone who had grown up in a different world think there was something equally queer about the state of the sex instinct among us?”

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45. Literally one day prior to my Information Technology internship, I dug up the strength to resist this +10 year habit of pornography consumption:

    1) My future 1st wife & additional wives are counting on me

    2) It’s now up to me to revive the Albanian linguistic tradition that had been buried alongside both my maternal grandmother [Fawzia] & my polygamous ancestor, Adele (the ethnically Albanian plural wife who gave birth to my maternal grandmother & taught her Albanian)

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    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and story! Hugs and love xox

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46. Very honest, very brave, and very true.

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    1. Thank you so much. Hugs and love xox

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47. To make an observation about your post… there is at least one millennial guy who has no interest in the stuff. And if I’m out there, then I’m positive there are others as well 😋

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    1. Good for you Kevin! As a guy, I know it is a temptation that the media and society in general has made more socially acceptable and easier to get. Even mainstream TV and movies show things that were taboo when I was a kid in the 60s. (Herman and Lillie Munster were the first married couple on TV to even share a bed). Stay pure.

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       1. Yes!!!

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       2. It is definitely interesting to see how the standards have changed from even when I was a kid in the 90’s. It feels like everything is much more explicit nowadays in the mainstream. Less euphemism and more in your face in all aspects of media.

          I do have to admit that married couples on tv not sharing a bed always seemed silly to me 😛

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    2. Aw thank you so much Kevin! You give me so much hope!! Hugs and love xox

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       1. You are very welcome 🙂 I just hope that you don’t expect us guys to be perfect, or we’d be liable to disappoint you 😉

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       2. Definitely not looking for perfection! That’s for sure. i would never want a guy to expect that from me, so i definitely don’t hold anyone else up to that standard. Hugs and love xox

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48. You are so right when you say that porn kills love! Porn doesn’t have anything to do with love… but so many people think it does, and they think it’s a “how to” to making love, and it’s scary. Sometimes, when I hear that so many teens are addicted to porn – porn is harmful to people who have no sexual experience for the obvious reason – I wonder what kind of lovers it will turn them into… I’ve heard of things happening in school bathrooms and such because teens watch porn, and each time it makes me sick at heart. In this, the internet that can be such a wonderful tool has failed us, because it makes porn accessible to young minds so easily perverted. Every day, I’m scared for my nieces and nephews (ranging from 2 years old to 17 years old), because their generation is less and less able to tell the difference between porn and love. I’m just glad there are still people who can tell the difference.

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    1. Thank you so much Anne for this powerful reflection. Yeah it makes my heart hurt to to think about the younger generation. Same here. Hugs and love xox

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49. Powerful post with so much truth! It’s a sad state of affairs, for sure 😥, and one the devil is just having a hay-day with 😡. So many lives negatively affected by it.

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    1. Thanks Mia. I Think you are sooo right. Hugs and love xox

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50. Very good, but sad perspective on how one depravity can affect (or infect) so many lives. Sad is your point about Porn becoming the norm in the lives of so many, instead of being considered abnormal. I think the most profound tragedy, lies in the fact that those who view it frequently, are robbed of any semblance of intimacy with the one they should be closest to. The innocent partner (wife or husband) ends up playing a mere role in an unrealistic fantasy. Keep the faith through.

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    1. Thanks J. I appreciate you stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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