It’s my Birthday

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Well, today is my birthday.

Yep, I’m clocking in another year around the sun.

I feel like once you’re in your late twenties, and you’re in that stage of life where you’re supposed to be gearing up to having your life all figured out — engaged, married, successful career, house, kids, etc. — every birthday is just a brutal reminder that, well…I’m not there yet.

And the devil on my shoulder keeps reminding me that with each passing year, I become less and less desirable marriage material, and more and more likely to become a spinster cat lady.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my birthday fell on top of the journey my mom and I took along the Camino de Santiago in Spain. Eighty miles is a long way to walk, and as you read in last week’s reflection, it’s about the journey, not the destination.

But one of the things that I always struggle with, especially on my birthday, is assessing where I am on my journey, and feeling inadequate. And if I’m being suuuuper transparent: like a failure. It’s not a “pretty” truth, but it is what I wrestle with. A remnant of my disordered thoughts during my anorexia.

Growing up, I thought my life would be in a much different place than where it is now. Heck, in fourth grade I would have told you that I’d be on kid #7 of 12 by now!

But if I’m honest, it’s hard not to feel like I’ve either made a horribly wrong turn, thus missing the path God had laid out for my life; or that God simply has abandoned this lost cause of an existence.

And I know, bleak thoughts for a day that is supposed to be full of celebrating.

But it’s my reality, and I just feel really phony writing a chippy-chipperton post about how joyful I am that it’s my birthday.

But you know, I did a lot of praying about that this morning. And God placed something on my heart. So I’m going to share.

While my mom and I were walking the Camino, we woke up one morning to the news of Demi Lovato’s overdose. And I want to just pause to say that she and her loved ones are in my prayers during this difficult time. Addiction is such an insipid, lurking monster, and I’m so glad that she is getting the help she needs. And her courage is truly inspiring.

But it just reminded me that I have a lot to be grateful for.

Anorexia is a very specific type of addiction. And though food is not an “illegal substance” like narcotics, or opioids, the disordered mentality behind addictive actions is very much the same.

And the news of Demi’s relapse not only shattered my heart for her, but also reminded me that recovery is a battle you can’t fall asleep on. Diligence and intentionality is needed each and every day – even in the strongest of recoveries.

But the fact is, I’m here, and I’ve overcome a lot. God has blessed my life with complete healing, and with an incredibly supportive group of family and friends.

I’m healthy. I’m alive. And I’m in a place in my life where I truly am thriving.

Maybe it doesn’t look like my fourth-grade mind had planned, but then you know – God had other plans. Plans and challenges and detours that have shaped me into the young woman I am today. And I embrace that. And am grateful for it.

I have been so blessed in my recovery. I owe absolutely everything to God’s grace, and the fact that I’ve made it another 365 is cause for praise and gratitude to the Author of Life.

Because we’re not guaranteed tomorrow. That’s something that, sadly, as we get older, becomes more and more apparent, as we become aware of the tragedies all around us, that seem to pop up with more and more frequency.

I think today I should be taking an inventory of all the things in my life I do have – that I have been blessed with, rather than negatively comparing where I am with where people on my Facebook timeline are in their lives, or with the unrealistic standard of perfection I had set for myself, even as an Old Navy Tech Vest-wearing, Gel Pen-toting, precocious ten year old.

Birthdays are a time for thanksgiving. Gratitude for life. For relationships. For health. For blessings. For lessons learned the hard way. And yes, for the patience God is fortifying in me as I await the unfolding of the rest of my story.

It will come. I know it will. I trust it will.

God is working, and as with all good things, some take longer than others. But one thing’s for sure: it will be worth the wait.

See ya tomorrow morning on the Podcast!

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A big thank you to my foundational sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy. I cannot begin to express how beneficial therapy was for my recovery from anorexia.  Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

553 thoughts on “It’s my Birthday”

  2. Wow..first happiest birthday to you. You are amazing and the Lord sees that.no matter how long it takes to get where you want to be in life you will get there. May the Lord keep blessing you and remember..it takes 5 years for a Chinese bamboo tree to germinate but only 5weeks to mature…meditate on that wonder!!!

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    1. Thank you so much – oh my gosh what a kind thing to say 🙂 yes! what an awesome thing to think about! Hugs and love xox

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  5. Caralyn, I want t offer you some words of encouragement…while I have never been married I am still hopeful that God is still preparing my husband for me and me for him. I was always a single mom and I always will be now (since my son is grown) but someday I hope to enjoy my retirement with the man God has for me. I know what you’re thinking…”That was supposed to be encouraging?” No, not that…But this is…my sister who is 6 years younger than me didn’t marry until she was 34. She had her first child at 36, her second at 38 and her third at 40! She originally wanted 6 but for now they’ve settled for the 3…maybe they will adopt later. My niece and nephews have been a real joy in my life…and she’s great mom. She has so much more patience in her 30’s than I did in my 20’s when I had my son. Anyway, all that to say, I understand your singleness situation. I want you to know God still has a good plan. You haven’t ruined it…it’s all about His timing. =). Glad you decided to go ahead and have a Happy Birthday!
    Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

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    1. Oh my gosh, thank you so much for sharing this with me. You’re soright – God has a good and perfect plan for the both of us 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  7. My dear friend,

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you – may all your good wishes come true. I wish you strength and courage always to confront problems which may occur in your life, I wish you happiness that always sunshine may warm your heart. I wish you peace, confidence and contentment and much much love that this colour may spread from your heart, my dear friend.

    You are a young and very attractive sweet lady – with patience love will shot its arrow directly into your heart and will bring you the right partner into your life. As love is not a matter of time it can touch you even when becoming older (love does not stop in front of age). Often when we do not think of it – suddenly love emerges, hits us out of the blue and embraces us for good.

    From heart to heart
    Didi

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  9. Happy birthday brautybeyond bones. I pray for more glory, joy and laughter in your life. I love you. Keep doing big things for God and for his people.

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  10. Happy birthday! I think one of the most valuable lessons life offers is to focus on and be grateful for the blessings we have. It’s so hard to remember to do sometimes. But oh, how much brighter life is when we do!

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  11. Happy birthday to you, May God continue to increase you in wisdom, wealth and wellness. Wishing many more years of beauty, blessings and bliss. I am blessed by your birthday blog post. It’s such a deep and though provoking piece. It tallies with my unpublished blog post “Magnitude of Gratitude”. Enjoy your day dearest friend.

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    1. gosh thank you so much for your beautiful prayer and kind words. means so so much 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  17. We try too hard and too often to make sense of life. The gift we have is partly linked to our ability to reflect and say “well I’m not where I expected to be, however…”
    Your reflection is expressive and emphasises the courage you display and have displayed. When we get lost literally we look for significant landmarks, use these to plot our course and from time to time we stop to check we are least going in the right direction. For you your birthday appears to be that point. Remember that the purpose of that reflection is to check you are still moving forward.
    As usual love the blog.

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  23. Happy birthday! Yes, more is to come. Reading your post brought back the feelings I felt at ages 25 and 26, wondering if I’d ever find someone, and at the point of giving up because at that time, I lived in the South where the women I worked with were married by age 18 or 19, much younger than my friends in Denver, from which I’d moved at the time. But it happened…I met my husband there in Louisiana. I, too, had ideas and plans of marriage and children all figured out at age 13. When the plans didn’t go my way, it was emotionally disappointing and stressful, but I wasn’t a practicing Orthodox Christian until my mid twenties, and once I started a relationship with God, I could handle things better because I wasn’t going it alone, relying on my own will and control of things that I really couldn’t control. I’m so glad you see your blessings and know that cooperating with God’s grace, no matter what is ahead, you’ll be in good Hands. ❤

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    1. Thank you so much! And thank you for sharing that with me. amen to that – in good Hands! Hugs and love xox

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  24. A heart that adores truth is truly yielding in HIM. Wishing You a Blessed Birthday. May The Father’s love shower upon You.

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  27. I went to Patreon this morning, looking for “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning” and to listen to your birthday podcast. Your birthday piece shows, but the timer is all zeros and there is no play icon. I don’t think it took – just to let you know.

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    1. oh no! thank you for that update – yeah I’ve been having some technical difficulties with my desktop version of Patreon, so I tried to upload the audio from my phone — I’ll look into it!!!

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      1. I was blocked out of Patreon for a while. It stopped automatically recognizing my computer. Then it took some effort just to get an email that didn’t get spammed out so I could log back in. Point being, I have to wonder if your technical difficulties are on Patreon’s side, not yours. Enlist their help sooner rather than later if you haven’t already. Hugs!

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      2. YES! that’s exactly what is going on with my patreon too! i’m not getting the email. gosh I’m sorry you went through that. hopefully I can get it straightened out this afternoon!

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      3. Please don’t apologize! Obviously out of your control. Just a suggestion; on your next post let folks know Patreon is having technical difficulties. That way Patrons know what’s going on. If you think that’s a good idea. Remember: I’m your supporter, so I’m not upset at all. Just trying to help.

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  28. Happy birthday!! I understand how you feel. Life often doesn’t meet our expectations, but God’s plans are absolutely better than our own. I like what Abraham Lincoln said: “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” Blessings to you!

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  30. Happy birthday! Life is a journey of letting go and letting God. Wishing you peace, blessings, and joy in this moment in which you lack nothing…and have all you need.

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  31. Have a wonderful, wonderful birthday!! Enjoy yourself and please be aware that your words bring joy to others. Keep up the good work and happy birthday again.
    Cheers
    Pat

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  32. Please don’t ever doubt the impact of what you are doing with this blog. Your messages are honest and thoughtful and, in one way or another, each post directs me toward God. Thank you for what you are doing and for the blessing you are to me and thousands of others. You are where God wants you to be, but you will not stay in this place. He has other plans and they are going to make your heart sing. He told me so.

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  37. I know this is a late reply but HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARALYN! I understand where you are coming from because my birthday is just around the corner. When I was in middle school, at this point in my life, I saw myself as having a house, a wife, a couple kids, and many other things. The whole “White Picket Fence” type visual. Everything we do, say, and feel throughout our life has a purpose. Everything that has happened to you over the years could not have happened any other way. It was all part of God’s grand design to get you to where you are today. Just think of how many lives you have touched through this very blog. How many people see themselves in you and get a sense they are not alone. John Lennon said that Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. Those words ring so true to so many people.Always remember Jeremiah 29:11. Stay the course. As I always say, you are such a beautiful soul and I count it a blessing to call you friend. Hugs and Love from TX as always! XOXO (sorry for the long reply)

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    1. aww, thank you so much!! Happy almost birthday to you! amen to that – a purpose! same here- i am very grateful for our friendship! Hugs and love xox

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  38. Hello Caralyn! Happy Birthday!! You are absolutely GORGEOUS! and with your loving personality, your prince will be more than happy to marry you. God will send him and when He does the timing will be perfect. Don’t worry, it causes wrinkles. Enjoy your birthday! Be of good cheer!

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    1. thank you so much Jeanie! oh my gosh, wha ta kind thing to say! hahah it causes wrinkles, that made me laugh! Hugs and love xox

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  42. Happy birthday! I actually have my birthday on the 9th. The most wonderful people are born in August! 🙂
    So proud of how God has been working in your life. Birthdays are always a time to think. But don’t be discouraged, or feel like a failure! What God sees is a beautiful masterpiece and you’re making lots of difference writing and being who you are in Christ. Enjoy these times , God is working on your behalf. Don’t worry you can still have 12 children. Lol

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    1. happy early birthday, Michal!! I would have to agree! and gosh what a kind thing to say. thank you so much – i am truly so touched! bring on the dozen! hehehehe Hugs and love xox

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  43. I know what it feels like to be in your late 20’s and frustrated you don’t have it all figured out, aren’t where you thought you’d be, and all that.

    And I also know there is no way someone like me, in their early 50’s, can tell someone in their late 20’s anything that will really help, other than I’ll be praying for you and will always be here for you (in general).

    But I will also say that you are not alone. Nearly EVERYONE in their late 20’s feels like you do – not for the same reasons, of course, but the results are the same even if the process is different.

    You may not be where you thought you’d be at this point in life.

    But you ARE exactly where God wants you to be at this point in your life.

    Remember also, Jesus didn’t get started until he was 30.

    Moses didn’t get started till he was EIGHTY!

    And Abraham and Sarah didn’t start having children till they were nearly ONE HUNDRED!

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  45. Happy Birthday Caralyn🎂I’m going to be in the States next week, all the way from Australia. My niece is getting married in Illinois. Unfortunately is a short visit.

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  46. Happy birthday!!! Thank you for another gorgeous post. God is absolutely in control (I’m so grateful for that reminder) – to be grateful for the strength God gives us to overcome obstacles and His grace to keep growing.

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  47. Happy Birthday to a beautiful YOUNG lady. Your daily accounts of the Walk, with you and your Mother, were great, and the responses to you were many. Your walk had significance to your life. With that being your focus, you will find that what you are looking for. You are not as you describe yourself. You are still young, you are still beautiful, and you are of the values of virtue many would want in a mate. Your time will be there, and for the most part, not within your timeline. Stay strong and healthy. We love you as you are.

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  48. Negative thoughts are hard to overcome in any stage of life. I kind of thought once I got married I’d feel like I had that “box” checked and nothing would weigh on me much anymore. FALSE. You mentioned the devil in your post, and you’re right; he finds us wherever we are in life and tries to tear us down. It is never easy to push those dark thoughts aside and focus on the good, but the best any of us can do is try. It’s totally justifiable to feel discouraged, but everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. I think I speak for everyone here when I say that your faithfulness is a blessing to all of your readers, and it pleases God for us to be faithful in whatever place He puts us. Keep going!

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