My BAD First Date

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So I went on a date yesterday.

I know. Call the press. This is BIG.

haha Juuuuust kidding. But it was a bit of excitement for a weekday evening.

It was one of those things that I just made myself do.

I’m trying to be open to love, open to God’s plan for my life. And as you know, in recent months, I’ve finally begun the process of learning how to accept love.

It’s been a long and arduous journey, but here we are. Home stretch of 2018. It’s time for me to start dating.

And since Ben Higgins is not in my direct proximity here in NYC, I decided to let one of my friends download a dating app onto my phone.

Which, I only agreed to because this particular one showed whether the guy is Christian or not — in addition to his age, job title and height.

So, I matched with this seemingly perfect guy: Christian. Incredible job. Former D1 collegiate athlete. Corner unit of a luxury high rise that overlooked lower Manhattan. And he legitimately looked like a Ken Doll. We’re talking — cheek bones that could cut glass and a jaw line that would make Ashton Kutcher jealous.

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I was expecting greatness.

And to be fair, I did have a great time. But more than that, I learned a lot about myself.

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We went to this swanky bar. I got all dressed up and felt a bit like a princess. The conversation, though not the most riveting…I mean hello – it was a first date — never lulled for a full two and a half hours.

And aside from dodging his attempt at a kiss goodnight with an extra enthusiastic, “I’M A HUGGER!” line — there was no awkwardness to speak of. I was a smooth operator. He even invited me out again this weekend.

But here’s the thing. This guy (who for the record doesn’t know this blog exists, or that I am even a writer) exhibited several red flags that I couldn’t help but take note of.

For starters, he dropped the F-Bomb within five minutes of our conversation. And then proceeded to use it 7 more times throughout the night. And yes – I was counting.

Look, I’m not looking for St. Michael. I don’t care if you curse. I have been known to throw around a few four letter words every now and then. But not on a first date. Be a gentleman. I am a lady, gosh darn it — show a little respect.

So that kinda got my radar up.

The nail in the coffin for me, though, was when he talked about how he recently took some hallucinogenic drugs at a music festival. And I’m not talking about weed. We’re talking get-you-locked-up, hard drug.

And he was bragging about it.

And again, to each his own. If a person chooses to take drugs – that’s their decision, and I am not going to judge them on it. But I can tell you, that that man will not be the father of my children.

But here’s the kicker.

This guy’s job is one that he can be randomly drug tested at any time. And if he fails that test, he would lose his job. Not like, oh just get another job. No. This is like, he’d never be able to work in his job field ever again.

So I was just blown away by how irresponsibly stupid his decision was to do that. Several times.

Red flag.

Big, bright, flashing red flag.

At the end of the night, coming home, I had a pit in my stomach. Because I knew I was going to have to let this guy down.

And the people pleaser in me hates disappointing people. Especially when it comes to personal matters.

But riding home in my Uber that night, I had an epiphany.

I finally realized what I deserved.

I finally saw my worth in a very tangible way.

Sure, this guy was great on paper. But the fact is: I deserve more than what this guy was offering. I deserve to be respected, and treated as the gem that I am. I am worth that.

I deserve to be in a relationship where trust is not an issue – where I don’t have to worry about the potential for drug abuse problems, or whether my husband will be able to stay clean, especially when there are children in the picture.

And look. Yes, I get it – it was a first date. Maybe you’re thinking, “Jeeze, getting ahead of yourself, much? Pump the breaks on the marriage and kids thoughts!”

Well, to that, I politely say, No.

Because here’s the deal: I’m not just dating to “date around” and “have fun.”

I’m looking for the man I’m supposed to marry.

And so you better believe that I will always always be evaluating him on that fact. And as soon as I don’t feel it anymore, I don’t want to waste my time, but more importantly, his time either by leading him on or letting things just stall because I’m afraid to hurt some feelings.

There is a man out there that God is preparing. He’s preparing my heart, and He’s preparing his. And I trust that He is going to bring Him into my life at the precise time, when we both are ready.

Am I glad that I went yesterday?

Absolutely.

I learned that:
A) dating isn’t as scary as I thought it would be.
B) I’m actually not that bad at it.
and
C) I shouldn’t feel badly about not compromising my high standards, because I am worth it.

I’m no saint. You all know my sordid past, and all the skeletons in my closet that I will one day have to share with my future husband. So I fully understand and appreciate that compromise and understanding and grace are two-way streets. And I’m going to be so blessed and grateful for a man who will accept all of me, as I will him.

But I’m allowed to be choosy, and recognize any scary red flags when I see them.

Moral of the story: I’ve just got to keep putting myself in play. Because God will work His agenda, but I’ve gotta meet Him half way.

And finally FINALLY — maybe those dating apps just aren’t for me.

I think I’d rather be introduced by a friend. 🙂

How did you meet your significant other? What’s your best piece of dating advice? I’m ALL EARS! 

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343 thoughts on “My BAD First Date

  1. I’m so glad you are dating with a purpose! Yes, be aware of all these red flags. These are serious concerns so don’t compromise your worth, values and integrity. You will find the Prince of your life in due time.

    1. Thank you so much friend! Yes definitely with a purpose! Thanks for the support and encouragement 🙂 means a lot. Hugs and love xox

      1. And oh my gosh you are too kind. Thanks for making me smile 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  2. The love that sustains marriage is not an emotion that you’ll be swept up and away by. It’s a choice, and by the sound of it, you are making the right choices. You will know, and then you will make the decision to bless them with your love. Until, keep you eyes and ears open!!
    Scott

    1. Thank you Scott! That is so beautiful. And so true!! It’s a choice. Thanks as always for your uplifting advice!! Hugs and love xox

  3. Always go with your warning signs. I see too many people ignore them and pay for it later. Have fun with dating. Think of it like going out with a friend which help with feeling relaxed.

    1. Thanks Harley, you’re so right — gotta trust my gut!! That’s a great way to look at it! Hugs and love xox

  4. So proud of you for knowing and holding to your boundaries! The best dating advice I ever got was “Settling is trading an opportunity for a problem.” Compromising on your values will never have a good result. You absolutely deserve a wonderful man and I’m so glad that you know it! I’m praying for you! Keep your head held high and eyes on the Lord!

    1. Thank you so much Amanda!! You’re so awesome, I really appreciate the prayers and affirming words 🙂 and wow!! Love that advice so much! WOW!! I’m going to pass that along to all my single girlfriends too!! Hugs and love xox

  5. Dead.. 😂😂. Great post. Funny but convicting. Do you realize how much character and will it takes to have something you waited and longed for be in front of you and it to look ok, but for you to not to settle and see through perception and hold on to your standards. That’s huge, at least to me is. May God bless you and your soul for it. Also, geez i miss New York , if not for the sole reason of being able to say… ‘Only in New York’.

    1. Thanks Nathan, glad you thought so! Thank you for the encouraging words! And haha you’re right about that! Only in NY!! You see and meet allllll types here hahaha Hugs and love xox

    1. Thanks friend. You’re right- it will be so worth it! Gotta be patient! Hugs and love xox

  6. Hey Caralyn, it’s a good thing that you picked up on those red flags. I completely understand where you’re coming from. When I was in college, I was trying to find my soulmate; I had to go through a ton before I found my true love. But I guess the way it is now is much different from my time. I always took my first dates to dinner and greeted them with a lavender rose. If I was feeling in a special mood, I would write a poem for them for that occasion or serenade them, I was always on my best, chivalrous manner because I could hear my mom’s voice in my head if I didn’t and treated her as if she was the only woman in the world. I tried to be funny but also a good listener. My only goal at the end of the night was to secure a chance at a second date. But alas, a lot of my first dates ended there. Guess I was a bit over zealous in my approach but that was who I was. It took a long time but I did find that “special one”. Don’t give up because there is someone out there whose path will find your’s. Be patient cause God is making him go through his own journey to find you. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Hey Mark! Thanks so much for this great encouragement. And thanks for sharing your story. A lavender rose — now THAT is a smooth operator!! Haha but seriously. Such great advice. Thank you friend 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  7. Skeletons or not, you are a terrific model for your choices here (not to mention probably sparing yourself a lot of painful drama). You might have helped turn someone’s life around today. Keep waiting – it really is powerful.

    1. Thank you Brandon, your words are so warm to my heart. Thanks for being a great friend. Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you friend 🙂 I appreciate the encouragement! Yeah i always hate letting people down but it had to be done! Hugs and love xox

  8. Love this. You know, I didn’t think online dating was for me. But I gave it a shot and believe it or not the first guy that messaged me is now my boyfriend of three years and we are in a very serious relationship. Of course, everyone is different and will have different experiences. I was also looking for someone whose values and beliefs align with mine. Have you looked into Catholic Singles? That is the online site I used, and met some really kind people. ♥️

    1. Hey friend! Thanks so much for this awesome advice and for sharing your story! I’m so happy for you!!! I’ll definitely have to look into Catholic Singles. I signed up on it like 7 years ago right when I moved to nyc. I should revisit!! Hugs and love xox

  9. Good for you! You know who you are and what you are worth. Its not worth compromising on, and you will know when you meet someone that loves Jesus like you do! He will be worth the wait for sure!

    1. Thank you so much for this wonderful encouragement. You’re so right — he really will be worth the wait! Patience is a virtue for a reason! Haha Hugs and love xox

  10. Sorry he wasn’t worth a repeat, but having learned from the experience made it worthwhile. I think I told you once what Julie always told our girls – only date a potential mate. So you’re definitely on the right track! And no, don’t see him again. What if he has some of that stuff on him and you get stopped by police together?!?

    The confidence I’m seeing is a huge step from the young lady I only knew as “Beauty” at first, so another well done to you! Looks all good to me!

    1. Thanks Jeff 🙂 that’s a great point! Yikes! Only date a potential mate – I like that. Julie is one smart woman! 🙂 have a great night, Jeff! Hugs to you and J!

    1. Thanks so much John. Any doubt head out – such wise words to live by! Hugs and love xox

  11. I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to read about your high standards. From reading your other posts, I expected that the bar was high. It is supposed to be. Never rationalize. I did and married out of God’s will the first time. If this were a sermon, I said a ton of Amens. On a side note, I clicked the link to sign up for the newsletter but was directed to the mail chimp home page. Please let me know if there is an alternate way to do so. Thanks!

    1. Oh gosh thank you so much Matthew 🙂 that’s so kind of you to say! I really appreciate your encouraging words. Congrats on your beautiful love story! Gives me hope 🙂 oh gosh – sorry about that! I’ll fix the link right now! In the meantime if you want to send me your email I’ll add you manually! Hugs and love xox

  12. This drug thing also hadme bothered with the last girl I dated… We weren’t talking about being like serious serious, because she didn’t want a serious relationship since she just out of one… but she refused to give in on any little compromises, like smoking less weed, or at least avoid it around me.
    So I told myself, better if I just let it be. It hurt me more than her, because I really really liked her, but that’s just how it is. Gotta invest in what’s good and what will prosper.

    1. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I’m sorry you had to go through that. You’re right – gotta invest in what’s good for you! Hugs and love xox

      1. Sharing is caring. I mean, it’s the exact same for you. At some point we all gotta be PICKY. Nothing wrong with that. Low standarts won’t make anybody happy with the time. So politely rejecting and moving on, as cruel as it may seem, is the most honest and kindest way to go seperate ways really.
        Hugs back. ( which really wouldn’t be a too much of a good idea, totally a hugger too and huggin turns into cuddling very fast, just saying) lol

  13. First — SO PROUD OF YOU!
    Second– KEEP YOUR STANDARDS and YES the first date matters.
    (Ask one of our daughters who literally had a spread sheet of what qualities she was looking for and the list of names down the left…) Ok, perhaps a bit extreme, but you need to be picky.
    Third — the drug thing a red flag on so many levels, but for me, primariliy is that it shows a desire to get away with things, to be duplicitious, and to be dishonest. The drug is bad enough, but these other characteristics that it shows me, are the real RED FLAGS. These are signs that there is not a submitted spirit to the Christ he claims.
    Fourth — your worth is higher than you even know it.
    Thanks for sharing this. I like that you have a community of thousands to process with and that is a bit frightening for this guy! Now we have a lot of prayers going out for him to level up and meet Jesus. He doesn’t have a chance.
    Lastly — be BOLD. Don’t withhold truth when it is there. Like the thoughts that flitted through your heart. He was trying to impress you with allthe wrong material.
    Love to you!
    Brian

    1. Hey Brian, oh gosh thank you so much for this thoughtful response and for your encouragement. I think I’ll take your daughter’s lead on the spreadsheet! hahah Very VERY true on #3. Aw, thank you (#4) my heart is so warm after reading this! you are awesome!! very grateful for you! big hugs to you and your family!

  14. Good for you.

    I’ve pretty much given up on dating apps and sites too… the problem is that I’m probably not going to get introduced to anyone by a friend, because my circles don’t include a lot of Christians, and most of my friends don’t understand the kind of woman I’m looking for; then again, I’m not sure I even understand either, or if she even exists. I’ve kind of given up after what happened earlier this year.

    1. Thank you so much 🙂 Yeah – the friends route is a tough one in today’s society for sure. I’m sorry, friend. I think young adult groups at church are a great route — yet I have never gone, I think out of fear. Going to change that this autumn! haha Hugs and love xox

      1. Unfortunately, I’m not so young anymore, and all of the adult singles church groups are all people in their 50s and up with children and grandchildren and nothing in common with me. There aren’t a lot of adult singles in the suburbs. And the singles my age who live in nearby urban areas tend to have social lives that revolve around alcohol and a lot of views that I wouldn’t consider actually Christian.

      2. Gotcha – well God will find a way to bring you and your future spouse together 🙂 i fully believe that!!!

      3. God does know 🙂 I’ll definitely be praying for you, my friend xox

      4. Thank you. No worries at all! I appreciate you sharing your experience 🙂

  15. Great post! Yeah, definitely don’t lower your standards. To answer your discussion question, I mentioned in a previous comment that I met my wife on eharmony. Love that you know your worth and don’t apologize for it! Take care!

    1. Thank you Johnzelle! Eharmony! That’s so awesome! Congrats on your love story:) gives me great hope! Hugs and love xox

  16. So funny you asked. My husband and I were set up on a blind date by my friend who was dating his friend THIRTY-THREE years ago today.
    I could have overlooked the cursing but the drugs a deal breaker. Bye bye.
    Our pastor said you really should only date when you are looking for a spouse and not just for fun. If you’re not planning on marrying there is no reason to bother.
    Since your goal is marriage keep trying. You may just meet a mole like me and have a pretty great marriage!

    1. Oh wow that’s amazing! CONGRATULATIONS on 33 years! That is so beautiful and inspiring. That’s great advice. 🙂 thanks friend for making me smile today!! Hugs and love xox

  17. I’m really glad you will be staying away from that dude! I will pray for him. My wife & I met in college through Campus Crusade for Christ. We went to church together and did laundry together before we ever went on a date. It just happened naturally in His timing as we got to know each other. My best advice is to definitely marry a believer in Jesus! I agree with everything you said and I will pray for you. My wife will pray too! God will hook it up in a beautiful way! Blessings sister!

    1. Thank you Ryan for your prayers! You and your wife have a beautiful love story! I love that so much! Divine laundry! Leave it to God to use your dirty socks for His perfect plan!! Haha Absolutely – faith is a nonnegotiable for me 🙂 thanks again! Hugs and love xox

  18. You are right. You deserve better. You deserve to treated like the lady you are. I’m glad you went out. But don’t fall for a guy who has so many red flags right up front. The good thing is you found out right away, not after you started to fall for him.

    1. Thank you so much Steve. You’re right about that – red flags are red for a reason: red for STOP! Hugs and love xox

  19. This is such a relatable post as someone who is also searching for the person I want to marry instead of dating for fun (I’ve never been on a date for that very reason). Glad I’m not the only one who will look as far into the future as marriage so early on. And it’s so refreshing to hear someone not be afraid to know their worth and expect to be treated like they’re worth it, especially after your past. God will find you the right man no doubt. Hopefully the next date will go better 🙂

    1. Thank you so much Ash! I’m glad it resonated with you!! The right “Ones” are out there for us! I have faith in that!! Hugs and love xox

  20. Thank you for sharing. They always look great on the outside, but sometimes, their insides will tell a different story. Gladly, you did not sweep it under the rug like many people do but chose to distance yourself from what could have been a disaster of a bad relationship.

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  21. Dating can be really stressful and at times fun. Set your standards high and send the losers quickly on their merry way. You are smart, beautiful and solidly grounded. Do not let any man make you feel otherwise. Good luck in your search.

    1. thanks Tink, you’re so right about that. quickly on their merry way — I like that. thank you for such kind words!!! big hugs xo

  22. I like the fact you realized that, although he looked good on paper, it’s the in person meeting that really matters. To use a sports analogy, broadcasters will often say a team looks good on paper, then reiterate, but the game isn’t played on paper … neither is dating or relationships. Way to go by letting your heart be open, but letting your head rule in this case. You won’t be sorry for having to “let him down” for a second date.

    1. you’re right – the game isn’t played on paper — I love that so much! thanks for the encouragement, J! Hugs and love xox

  23. Ok, glad to see you analyze your date! Great Job. But…. you should care if a guy cusses! Seriously. Why would you want to date a guy who uses vulgar terms to make a point. The big thing for me, where was the Christ in his “Christianity”??? Everything you described about him, made me believe he was a fan of Jesus but not a committed follower. Yeah you deserve better, way better. Next time ask them if they are bringing Jesus on the date. No Jesus no date. You are Amazing, set the standards high, so God can reach them. Oh and pray for your future man, trust me, he needs it. 😇

    1. thank you Stephan! that’s a great point. no Jesus, no date. oh I definitely do! I’ve been praying for him since I was 16! hahaha thanks for stopping by and sharing this awesome advice with me!! I appreciate it so much! Hugs and love xox

  24. I can’t believe how cavalier that guy is about his reckless behaviors. How can he think that short-sightedness is anything to brag about? You made a good call!

    1. I know! I was pretty shocked too!! thanks for the support and encouragement 🙂 big hugs to you xox

  25. Agree what you said, and can’t even imagine how worst the picture of a drug daddy.
    True and right that you should stick to your initial thoughts, your “requirements”. not cross and broke your standard because of time / aging.
    For me, I met my wife during work. She is doing clerical work and am a IT guy that’s what I have chance to get in touch with users…. Haha..
    Hope you find your Mr.right ! = )

    1. thank you so much K 🙂 I really appreciate your kind words! And thank you for sharing your love story! gives me great hope!! 🙂 big hugs to you xoxo

  26. Yikes! Keep looking! He’s not the one. Although…. I have to admit I was probably not the catch of the day when my husband met me and he didn’t run off, lol! But we were introduced by friends who knew both of us. Praying for you! <3

    1. Thank you P, for your prayers and kind words! means so much! And thanks for sharing your love story! I love that you two were introduced by friends! gives me great hope! big hugs to you xo

  27. Praying for you, dear Caralyn. I’m sorry about the rotten date but SO glad you know how worthy and beautiful you are! That is very important. I met my husband in college, a Christian university. (Not gonna lie… I went to college for an education but I really hoped I’d find my future husband. Haha). Being in an environment where other Christians gather is helpful, I think. If you know of any of those places, give them a try? 🙂 But ultimately, God is in control. You are so loved by him, and I know he’s preparing a great man for you!

    1. Thank you Hannah 🙂 I really appreciate that!! And thank you for sharing your beautiful love story! Hahah love it! No shame in that game girl!! That’s great advice. I’m going to try the young adult group at church! Amen! Hugs and love xox

      1. I’m glad you’re trusting yourself. I don’t know anyone over there that isn’t super old or a crazy bicyclist. Both, red flags. 😂

      2. Yeah bicyclists in nyc have got to be some sort of brave to ride so close to the crazy cab drivers in this city! Egads

      3. Oh. You know. I’ve been on a lot of first dates but really dated three women. Like, ever. 😳 It’s always been a really long wait. Like at least a year before we even kissed. I think it’s me. I don’t like being close if it’s not serious. I like, not having an agenda. Really getting to know someone. It’s not um, what women like nowadays. There’s a definite competition in dating to find the best looking mate. I’ve gone on those pretty dates and was not that impressed.

      4. For women, yes definitely. For men, there’s a preception that if you’re not surrounded by women then you’re undesirable. It’s pretty much always been like that the roots of masculinity are connected to our previous marriage practice of polygyny. A celebrity is only as desirable as the amount of followers. The followers, dupe themselves into believing that one day they might be “Mr. Or Mrs. Blankety Blank.”

        In short, dating should be a healthy way to find love in our modern society. Most of the time it contains a lot of judgement.

      5. Your first taste of social dynamics and dating preferences is high school. 1/100 women fit “magazine beautiful.” That 99%, is the rest of us. Ha ha. Love. Dating. Dating reality shows are very misleading because, 99% are not that standard of beautiful. So, love is not all you need. 🙄😂

  28. You have the right idea and if you are faithful you will find your man. God has a plan for sure, but you know all that. The friends route is a great way to go. I met my husband of 25 years on a blind date mutual friends set us up on. Funny part is we didn’t like each other on our first date. In fact it took about four dates before we realized there was something there. Our friends kept insisting we keep getting together. Friends really do know us and can sometimes know us better then we know ourselves. You do have to make sure you have like minded friends though and that they understand your values and standers.
    Blessings friend 😉

    1. Thank you Lorrie!! And thank you for sharing your beautiful love story! Hahha that’s amazing. Friends really do know us. Congrats on 25 years by the way! Gives me great hope! Hugs and love xox

  29. I’m glad you noticed the red flags early on! You save yourself from so much heartache when you pay attention . I’m glad you’re putting yourself out there . It’ll be fun! Patience is key . God bless you! ♥️

    1. Thanks so much friend! You’re so right about that – Patience is key — it’s just easier said than done! Haha thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

      1. Definitely easier said than done!! I get frustrated like every other day because I’m still single 😂 but I know God will work it all out one of these days 🙂

      2. Haha oh yes! God will work it all out for the both of us!! Prayin’ for ya friend!! Hugs and love xox

  30. You got a good head on your shoulders, don’t ignore those flags. The axiom is true in that the little things that just kinda bug you can become BIG issues in marriage.

    1. Thank you Peter, I appreciate that encouragement – you’re so right about that — little things become big things. Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

  31. Im a hugger! Love it!
    I was engaged for 5 yrs to a guy I met in college and that crashed and burned but he wasnt worth all the heartache.
    I met my partner now on a online dating site and honestly he is the best person I have ever met.
    Stick it out, be true to yourself and have fun 🙂

    1. Hahah oh my gosh it was such a funny moment. Oh G, I’m sorry you had to go through that in college but I’m so glad you’ve found a great guy!! Great advice! Thank you! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you Krista, I love looking at it in that way! So true! Thanks for the kind words 🙂 means a lot. Hugs and love xox

  32. Bummer about the date! So interesting from a woman’s perspective! New goals for me =get more ripped and be ambitious with the career…much love and prayers!

    1. Thanks friend for your prayers and encouragement! Yeah I would love to hear a guy’s perspective on his first date red flags too!! Hugs and love xox

      1. One is going too fast…too eager…clingy…it’s good to move and progress but not so fast. It’s good to be interested but not overly eager…it’s good to want to be together but not clingy…

      2. That’s priceless advice. And straight from a man himself! Thank you so so much!

  33. Red flags for sure! The cursing one is a big one. It shows he’s not a gentleman. Maybe I’m old school but there’s a time and place for f-bombs and other cursing, and on a first date isn’t it. Glad you’re dipping your toe though. Exciting!!

    1. Yeah I was pretty shocked by that! I agree! Thanks 🙂 yeah! Definitely exciting for sure! And I’m glad the first one is out of the way! Now I know there’s nothing to be nervous about! 😁 thanks for sharing in the excitement with me! Hugs and love xox

  34. To find if values are shared- if yes proceed if not stop and not carrying on just for nothing is the best- I appreciate the peek into your perspective

    1. That’s great advice. Thank you friend! You’re right – share in what’s important. Hugs and love xox

  35. Best dating advice. Hmm. Be yourself. I was cheeky and very sassy the night I first met my now husband. That’s me! He said he loved that about me. Others would have been scared off. Be you. Know what’s important to you. My husband asked if he could hold my hand the night we met. I knew he was a gentleman. I felt safe. That was important to me too.

    1. Haha gotta love a little sassiness! 🙂 that’s awesome advice, thank you. And your husband sounds like a winner! 🙂

  36. For what it’s worth here is what my beloved Spouse wrote about me after our marriage::
    ” I’m lucky to be living with a man like Eric. And it was sheer luck, because when we married I had no idea what his attitudes were about women in general. Of course I must have had an unconscious idea, because I never felt put down by him, and that must have been one of the reasons I took to him. Eric has never discounted my ideas, or disparaged my abilities, or refused to discuss his ideas with me, simply because I am a woman. He seems to have no need to build up his ego by putting down mine, although I think he is very conscious of himself as a man.”
    On our first date we were at the same social development level and ready to become involved. We just knew we were meant for each other. I proposed that date. Two proposals she finally said yes and six months later we were married. Be patient if it is meant to be it will happen.

    1. Oh wow that is so beautiful – thank you for sharing that with me. It sounds like you really know how to treat a lady! 🙂 but seriously she touched on such important things: especially building her up. God bless you, friend! You’re a good man!! Hugs and love xox

      1. Thank you. She like you, was a very special woman. Our love grew stronger over each of the fifty years Even in Death it grows. Love is stronger than Death.

      2. Amen. You have such a powerful story. It touches my heart. Thanks again for sharing it.

  37. Trust God. I’m sure you will find your love, potentially/maybe in Church.

    I’m sure there are many wonderful man go to church, may be not your church, close to yours/same city.

    Guys who goes to church also looking for their second half 🙂 Good luck! Finding a right person is the most difficult task of whole life. “He” will make it or brake it.

    1. Thank you friend. That’s great advice! I should check out the young adults group at church! Thanks for the encouraging words! Hugs and love xox

  38. Caralyn,
    First, may I say that I am sorry that your date ended up looking so good on paper but ending up not worth the ink use to print it.
    Let’s face it, anyone can look good on a dating profile, a resume or anything else when the right words are used and the right details are put in and others are left out. Hey, he probably doesn’t think twice about his language and obviously doesn’t bat an eye at illicit drug use, so why would those be “red flags” to him? Why mention them on his profile?
    Anyone who thinks that you should just be casually dating to have a good time or taking things more lightly instead of seriously looking for a husband doesn’t understand what dating is all about. Ever since high school I figured that the girls I was dating were potentially going to be life-long mates and while it didn’t turn out that way, I always dated with the idea that “every date is a potential mate”. I’m not sure exactly how old you are but I believe you are in your mid to late 20s which means that a causal attitude about just dating around could land you a life as a single 50-year-old before you know it.
    God does have someone for you and a beautiful charming and talented princess, a daughter of the King of kings and He will see to it that only the right man gets to take your hand.

    Love and Blessings,
    Jim

    1. Hey Jim, thank you for this thoughtful response. So much great advice here. You’re right – God really is in control on this one and I just need to trust. Every date is a potential mate – love that so much. Thanks again for sharing your wisdom with me! It means the world! Hugs and love xox

  39. Ummmm, potty mouth only gets worse! Sharing illegal info is a ‘run as fast as you can’, even take the heels off run. But seriously, my advise to my angel was to only date past the first date, someone whom you think God would choose to be your mate. And never be afraid to say, “Oh, I don’t use that language.”

    1. I think you’re right about that Zettie! And what a great line! Thanks so much for this! Hugs and love xox

  40. Great post. As a father of five I pray that my children will exercise the kind of careful discernment you showed throughout the date. My wife and I met at a Christian college and developed a friendship that grew into a romance that is still growing and going strong 33 years later. The idea of romance blooming from friendship would be my biggest piece of advice for anyone who wants a rich and meaningful partnership for life. I also appreciate the fact that you want to date someone who is a Christian. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to be married to someone who doesn’t share in and believe the same way as I do about the most important relationship in my life.

    1. Thank you Patrick. I appreciate you sharing this great insight. And what a beautiful love story! Congrats on 33 years! That’s really something to celebrate! Gives me great hope. I agree – faith is a nonnegotiable for me too! Hugs and love xox

  41. I am a nobody but there was a post where I sympathized with the singleness train a while ago…well 27 years single(purely) and guess what…. I am getting married! We met 5 years ago and for 4 years I sat back and contemplated, observed(not creepily), and stayed in outer darkness of my dear fiances life…until one day I looked at this box full of gifts never given, notes never delivered and beautifully pure intentions and a tear stained page of Psalm 84:11(double check that)….God does not withold any good thing from those who walk uprightly. I witheld amazing gifts from an amazing woman for four coward years…well I stepped out in terrifying faith and setup a “meeting”. It started a journey of the most amazing season of my life with the wife for me. I chose to finally move in(yes I dropped that box bomb on the first date…miracle it didnt scare her away)

    All this to say…God chose to love those who in faith believe they can be loved……There is someone who loves or has loved you first believe that live in it. Before you know it you are the one loving right back, safe, secure and full of hope!….it helps to keep faces of faithfulness around (church crowd, friend groups, college alumni peeps, Coworkers, etc etc) btw people often take time to move in(4 years for instance)

    Just remember the Psalm Gods not holding back…but a man may be

    1. Oh my goodness congratulations!! That is so exciting! I appreciate you sharing that with me. Gives me great hope. I am so touched by this encouragement. Big hugs to you xox

  42. I was a charter member of Single Catholics Online, which is now Ave Maria Singles. I joined in early 1999, started corresponding with Rob later that year, and we married in 2002 at age 39. I don’t know how much it’s changed, but it’s specifically for faithful Catholics who are looking toward marriage rather than dating. There were lots of questions, from smoking/drinking/travel to movies/music to Catholic beliefs/favorite saint, etc. so it would be hard to fake. Only God could have found such a wonderful, Christ-like man for me. God bless you on your journey. I’ll pray for you.

    1. Oh wow that’s awesome! And what a beautiful love story – thank you for sharing 🙂 I will definitely check it out! Thanks for your prayers! Means a lot! Hugs and love xox

  43. I respect that you have clear red flags. Too often I see people accept behaviour that I know they think is unacceptable. They have lots of reasons for overlooking these things that they are in fact not overlooking (staring right in the face, actually), but they just don’t hold up.
    Good luck on finding someone and congratulations on the commercial. You do have a winning smile.

    1. Thank you Anthony. You’re right – gotta be patient and keep my eyes peeled for those flags! Hugs and love xox

    1. Haha thanks Sarah Jo! So glad you get my humor 🙂 hehe thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  44. Keep these posts coming, I’m collecting notes to be certain my first date with you meets expectations! 🙂 Just kidding. Haven’t dated in a long time and I can see little has changed. Stay true to yourself always.

  45. Wow. I really enjoyed that you illustrated perfectly ALL the WRONG behaviors/traits for any would-be interest of a Christian woman! I think God revealed this man’s poor character purposely to protect you. Find a man who strives to be lead by Jesus.

    1. Thank you friend! I appreciate your encouraging words. I think you’re right about that – God will always show us the way! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thanks friend. Yeah it was scary but I had to just go and put myself out there! Hugs and love xox

  46. An amazing post. Your words, “Moral of the story: I’ve just got to keep putting myself in play. Because God will work His agenda, but I’ve gotta meet Him half way” will be my new mantra!

  47. I tried Tinder… I know, supposed to be a hookup app, but for me it wasn’t. Met the future love of my life there. Met a whole bunch of kther women who I will gladly be friends with. Here is the kicker for me- met my late wife via online dating and was married for close to 9 years, met the second love of my life the same way. People are people, like you said you just have to keep on on getting out there.

    1. Thank you so much Francois! Well hey! It was part of your love story, and that’s wonderful! Thank you for sharing your story – it really means a lot 🙂 big hugs xox

  48. There’s this great episode of the Golden Girls in which Dorothy goes on a first date. She comes home and describes it to the other ladies thusly: “We went to a nice restaurant. The owner, who turned out to be his ex-wife, begged him to come back to her. She threw herself into his lap. There was a scene. I’m seeing him again on Friday.”

    Dorothy’s mom grabs her hand and says, “Pussycat, I’m not sure if you can tell a good date from a bad one, so let me help.” She slaps Dorothy’s hand playfully. “Bad date, Dorothy, bad date.”

    I’m glad you had this experience, and I have to agree the guy sounds less than kosher. Bragging about something that could singlehandedly destroy his career? Who does that?! It’s not smart, nor is it brag worthy.

    But you’ll find him next time!! I hope!! We both need good men! 🙂

    1. Thank you so much Meg! I’ve actually never seen golden girls, isn’t that wild?! So much wisdom there! Thanks for the encouragement! Yes! Hugs and love xox

  49. Dear Caralyn
    You’ve made the right call; that man sounds like pure poison. Well done! God will bring you to the right man in His good time.
    I’ve been married forty-three years, and we’ve been through turbulent times together – but ultimately the tough times have just deepened our love.
    We met through a common interest in classical music. We rapidly became best friends, but we allowed most of a year to pass before deciding marriage was right for us.
    I think it’s very important to marry someone who will also be a friend. Marriage based on romance is wonderful, but romance brings ‘needs’ with it. Friendship can see past our own interests and needs. It gives us different ways of looking at difficulties that romance on its own can’t because we’re blinded by the needs that come with it.
    Finally, are you familiar with the Methodist’s covenant prayer? We all pray it to renew our commitment to our faith every January.
    It applies to marriage as a part of our Christian walk.

    I am no longer my own, but yours.
    Put me to what you will, rank me with whom you will;
    put me to doing, put me to suffering;
    let me be employed for you, or laid aside for you,
    exalted for you, or brought low for you;
    let me be full,
    let me be empty,
    let me have all things,
    let me have nothing:
    I freely and wholeheartedly yield all things
    to your pleasure and disposal.
    And now, glorious and blessed God,
    Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
    you are mine and I am yours. So be it.
    And the covenant now made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven.
    Amen.

    With much love
    Penny

    1. Hi Penny, thank you so much for this thoughtful response! And gosh what a beautiful love story. Thank you for sharing that with me! 43 years! That’s really something to celebrate! Hugs and love xox

  50. Be choosy because you are a child of God. And God has plans and is not yet done with you.

    See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And so we are! Now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure.
    1 John 3:1-3

  51. I’ve been married for 41 years. We met in college in a sociology class. I had prayed for my future husband and knew in a short time that he was the one.
    Now for this young man that you went on a date with. I used to tell my children that walking into a church building will not make you a Christian any more than walking into a barn will make you a horse. It’s a heart thing. This man was registered on a Christian dating site- but his heart is no where near it. A real Christian man – you would be able to quickly see. You would be able to share your faith with, even on a first date. Do Christian men make mistakes? Sure. But this mans actions were showing blatantly that he was worldly-not Christian. You need not go out with him again. This is where you need to judge. If he asks why, then tell him truthfully and honestly. It could plant a much needed seed

    1. Hi Krista! Wow, what a beautiful love story! Thank you for sharing that with me! Congrats on 41 years! So inspiring. 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  52. Every Friday night we do relationship formation chats with the older children. (Right now we’re reading _I Kissed Dating Goodbye_). Tonight I’ll definitely be sharing your blog with them, so my daughters-and sons- can know women like you, with a keen purpose and unafraid to stand for their morals and principles, exist outside of books. THANK YOU for sharing this!

    1. Hi Celeste! Wow what an awesome thing to be instilling in your children! I’m honored that you would pass my blog along — thank you! Hugs and love xox

  53. A valuable lesson is learnt when we recognise that there is a standard and for a Christian dating is about a lifetime commitment.
    One of the flags missed however, a Christian male living up to the standards you have set won’t be on a dating site, won’t have a personal profile or a deep online footprint. His feet are as the Apostle Peter said inside the prints of Christ.
    There are great qualities in many men, today it is hard to tease them out. Look for a partner – if you see yourself as the gemstone make certain the christian man you look for is setting your qualities off. Like “apples of gold in silver carvings”.
    A perfect man is impossible to find, your date seems alittle lost, immature and very clearly wants to be noticed but you can’t be a christian and walk that close to the edge.

    1. Thank you so much friend 🙂 that’s really something powerful to think about. Lots to reflect on this weekend! Hugs and love xox

  54. Glad you are discerning from a place of strength. So much damage in my life came from willingness to settle for who seemed available at various times. Better to be lonely, frustrated or anything else rather than compromise ourselves out of neediness.

    1. Thank you friend for sharing your experience. I’m sorry you went through that. You’re right – never compromise! Hugs and love xox

    1. Haha thank you Melissa. I appreciate it 🙂 yeah trying to stay clear of hot messes! I’m enough of one for the whole relationship! Haha Hugs and love xox

  55. Loved this article! I was facing the same issues as you prior. So, I started going to these Young Adult Catholic groups looking for some more girlfriends since a lot of mine living in other states. The last thing I was looking for was a guy (because I found some cool girls and didn’t want that to get ruined)….and then I met my boyfriend haha. You do have to date to marry and it is good that you realize what you deserve. So many people don’t, but I think it is important to find someone who you see eye to eye to on values 🙂 Good luck! I know it will happen when it is right!

    1. Hey Friend! Oh my gosh what a great story! I’m def going to check out the young adults group! We find love when we’re not looking for it! Haha Hugs and love xox

  56. Absolutely date to marry! There is no other way 🙂 Don’t compromise your values and you are absolutely worth being respected. Any guy who doesn’t isn’t worth your time. Good for you on putting yourself out there and learning some very valuable lessons. Ironically, it was when I had stopped looking so hard for my future husband that God brought him into my life. We were actually introduced by my cousin. It wasn’t intentional on my cousin’s part, but worked out for the best 🙂 Now the other funny thing is, I had previously met my future husband when I was three years old, and he and his family almost moved to the part of the state where I lived. But they ended up moving a state away and if my cousin hadn’t taken a job with his family, I don’t know how we would have ever met. God truly does work in mysterious and wonderful ways. I couldn’t have orchestrated our meeting if I had tried. Seriously. It would have never happened! God is in control. Try your best to be patient, I know how hard it can be. ( I am one of the MOST impatient people I have ever known…) God Bless!

    1. Thanks friend 🙂 I appreciate those encouraging words. Oh wow – just goes to show how God works in amazing ways! Yes! Thanks again! Hugs and love xox

  57. I met my husband at a Young Adults Group at our church. I had tried Tinder before and Match.com but every time I met someone I liked there was always a lot of drama involved. Meeting at church gave my husband and I a safe space to get to know each other and we also made a great group of friends consisting of other young couples. It was also super easy to know that he shared my Christian values because we were both at church! Online dating has worked for two of my friends (both Christians who married Christian men) so I really think it is whatever works best for you. You are super smart not to compromise your values (I did that SO MANY TIMES and wish my younger self knew better). I think Andy Stanley says “Be the person you want to marry”… or something along those lines… and my husband always told me that was his dating motto. Keep putting yourself out there – you will meet a great guy!

    1. Hi friend! Oh what a beautiful love story! Thank you for sharing that with me. Yeah I’m going to try the young adults group! I love that advice – be the person you want to marry. Amen! Hugs and love xox

  58. Caralyn, I think it’s really great that you are dating purposefully. Little red flags turn into huge problems later. But at that point you’re too invested to get out painlessly. My best friend is dating and going through the painful process of breaking up with a guy who SEEMED nice and normal but was an undercover crazy pants. It is so smart of you to have high standards and listen to your gut (or the leading of the Holy Spirit!)
    I met my husband on a Christian dating site waaaayyy back in 2007. Plenty of fish. Neither one of us had paid for the membership so we had to chat on another site (Myspace, oh wow I feel old).
    On the very first date we talked about the important things. We were really aligned on who we were, what we believed, what we wanted out of life.
    I wouldn’t give up on the Christian dating apps just yet. You may have to weed through some frogs before you find your prince charming. There are downsides but it opens you up to so many possibilities. Like, would I have met my husband if I hadn’t been on that site? I’m sure God could have made a way but that’s what He used.

    1. Hi friend! Thank you for the encouraging words. You’re right – they can escalate into big problems. And thank you for sharing your beautiful love story! Gives me great hope 🙂 every no is one closer to a yes! Hugs and love xox

  59. My husband was a heavy drinker and recreational drug user. He knew I didn’t like it so changed as he wanted a family more.
    Festivals are notorious for drug use. Was he a habitual user?
    The swearing I could put down to nerves.
    Although I think you shouldn’t lower your standards, you know what you’re willing to put up with, I do think that people can change if they meet the right person. In a way I’m glad my husband had these experiences, when our kids start asking questions he will have first hand knowledge, so maybe they’ll listen to him more.
    We’ve been together ten years now, I didn’t tell him to change, I just told him that wasn’t my scene. He made choices for me and our family. Maybe some people just haven’t found the thing worth changing for yet.

    1. Thank you so much for this powerful perspective. You’re so right – people can change. I mean, heck look at my past! So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

  60. There’s a difference in being a Christian and being a man or woman of God. It’s important to have standards because guarding my heart within dating is important. I am worth more than rubies and gold a treasure in God’s eyes and within my own. I love God and whom I am in God. I protect that and having standards and expectations within dating is important in loving yourself and others. Sounds like this guy needs prayers and like all of us…all have sinned and fallen sort of the glory of God-grace and mercy. Sounds like he was someone to minister to and not to date. Its important to identify and know the difference. Because getting into serious relationship to change the other person is not cool-thats Jesus/Holy Spirit’s job.
    Anyways…good for you in recognizing your worth and moving on.

    1. Thank you so much Trish for this wonderful encouragement. You’re right – that’s the job of the Big Man!! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you so much Chris! And thanks for sharing that! So happy for you two!! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you Abiy! That’s a great perspective 🙂 thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  61. THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED! Everything you said in this blog post is so true. You deserve to have someone that respects you and doesn’t do ~shady~ things when their career could be destroyed because of one single random test. I’m in college right now, and sure, there are boys that I could go out with buttttt I’m waiting for someone really good to come around and sweep me off my feet because I deserve a good man darnit, and so do you!! Never settle for someone. I’m glad you learned a few things about yourself. Who knows, maybe your friends will introduce you to someone and things will be great 🙂

    1. Hey Kara! Oh gosh thank you so much!! I’m so glad that this resonated with you. Oh gosh, yeah college dating can be tough, but you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and know what you deserve!!! Big hugs to you love xox

  62. Great you are able to slow your brakes and wait. I met my husband running an errand at lunch time, as were both walking in the same direction and when we reach a puddle of water; he slowed down got behind me and let me cross. A gentlemen. When he reached his street, he asked if I would call him and gave me a his business card. I liked that. We talked on the phone for about a month before we had lunch together, just wanted us to be friends and we did. And we are friends to this day, thirteen years later. I believing God your husband will find you and it will be worth the wait:).

    1. Thanks so much! And thanks for sharing your beautiful love story! God used a puddle of water to bring you two together! Love it! Hugs and love xox

  63. Good for you for noting and being offended by behavior you couldn’t live with – better to know this from the start.
    I met my husband, Marshall, through work. I interviewed him for a full page story in the Chicago Tribune. I I spoke with his references as well. It was a great way to ask all the questions and get the background on him before going out.

    1. Thank you so much Mary 🙂 and thank you for sharing your love story! That’s so awesome! Yeah God was giving you a way to get to know Marshall in a big way! So cool! (And allow you to show him your awesome writing skills!) leave it to the Jesus to bring people together in such an awesome way! Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

  64. I’ll think of you. I am looking to get back to work. It may not be the right time. However, I keep trying different things, hoping that eventually I’ll find out what God’s plan is (and accepting I might have to wait). A bit like what you’re saying about dating. It’s difficult to keep on being open to new things and at the same time accept that this job I’m applying for or person I’m meeting right now may not be quite right.

    1. Thank you friend. I will definitely pray for your job hunt! His plan is perfect! Hugs and love xox

  65. What an awesome testament to how a person should stand up for what they want. I would tell you to pray but I know that you are already doing that so, I will pray for you as well that God will find that perfect God fearing man and place him in your path. Oh, and the dating app thing, yeah, trash it. Maybe I’m old fashioned…or just old, but I think it is still best to do things the old way, what that way is, I don’t know anymore lol been married too long now to remember (just celebrated 29 years!). Trust in the Lord and it will happen soon enough. God bless!

    1. Thanks so much John! I really appreciate your prayers. And congrats on 29 years! That’s really something to celebrate! Hugs and love xox

  66. Having been through the online dating journey myself, I truly do wish you all the best that God has to offer. My advice would be to hold your expectation very loosely of these apps. Expect it to fail you.

    Dating apps can place a sense of destiny in our hands as if we hold the power make our desires come true. So it’s natural to expect more than what it is capable delivering.

    But stay true to who you are and what you want. Don’t let any let downs and failures compromise God’s best for you. I look forward to seeing your journey ahead on this.

    Best,
    Frankie

    1. Thanks Frankie! You’re right -gotta place my trust in God’s hands – not the apps! Hugs and love xox

  67. First of all congrats! And good for you for recognizing what you want and deserve. Seriously I know so many women who to this day ignore all red flags and wind up with men who don’t treat them the way they want, let alone deserve. I was always one of those people who just would rather have been alone than settle.
    As for me, I saw him while I was out with friends and seriously something inside of me said “talk to him.” I’m normally really shy but there was just somerhing about him so I gathered my nerve and introduced myself. We are both shy so I’m glad I did.
    We are by no means perfect and he gets on my nerves sometimes and I know it’s vice versa. But on a normal day I feel very lucky and blessed and wouldn’t change him for the world. See he even makes me sappy lol.

    1. Aw thank you so much for this thoughtful response! I appreciate you sharing your beautiful love story. Gives me great hope! Hugs and love xox

  68. I can totally relate. The last date I had before I met my husband of 11 years was just like the guy you described. It took 2 beers just for him to start talking to me. When he did I wish he hadn’t. He bragged about all of his drunken adventures and how he was going to a party after our date. Thankfully I met my husband a few weeks later. Good luck 😁

    1. Thanks so much Kat for sharing your experience. Oh gosh. And Congrats on 11 years! That’s really something to celebrate. 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  69. God bless you, girl! I get grace and kindness, BUT: Every Christian has a past, but where you draw the line is when they’re still living that way AND calling themselves Christians, or when the only thing they brag about is what put Jesus on the cross for them! He’s a spiritual child, don’t feel bad! Just don’t forget that the most important point of marriage is to find your spiritual match, watch out for each other, and that someone should make you better for Jesus than you could ever be without him, and vice versa. Remember that, okay? You and me both, waiting on our men!! 😀

    1. Thank you so much friend. You’re so right about that. Everyone has a past. Heck look at mine!! They’re out there for us! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  70. You are wonderful!! I’m glad you can look out for yourself. Nothing is too small if it matters to you. I remember wishing and waiting for my man to come along and I put so much effort into it, it was exhausting. Finally, after what felt like forever, I met my husband in a college class. IIwasn’t impressed with him at first. He’s the one that did all the work to impress me. However, I later learned he was in show-off mode on our first few dates, and the things he did were totally turning me off. Things like being goofy in a scripture study class (totally thought he didn’t take scriptures seriously) and putting up this ego thing which later I learned he was one of the shyest/humble guys I could come across. So I am rather curious if this guy is always this way or if he thought you would like him to be that way. He may have just been trained to think that’s what girls like. It may be nice to see how a second date goes, since you guys had so much fun and had a great time talking.. however, it is always good to be on the side of caution. My aunt told me to just have fun and I eventually came to know the real man my husband is. We’ve been married for 12 years and 7 kids later.. ha! Good luck. I know one thing for sure, Good won’t let you mess up when you come across the person you are supposed to be with. Always stick to your standards. It is a good test to see if they are worth your time. 👍👍👍👍💗💗💗💗 Much love to you!!!

    1. Aw thank you so much for this thoughtful response! And thank you for sharing your beautiful love story!! Gives me great hope 🙂 congrats on 12 years and your beautiful family! That’s really something to celebrate! Hugs and love xox

  71. Good for you on not compromising. I see too many women do it to their own detriment and then wonder, “What happened?” Well, you didn’t think it through, is what happened. But you ARE thinking it through. And that’s how we should all go into dating and relationships. I met my husband through friends. We have our issues because we’re so opposite on so many things, but we make it work. If you still would like to try out a dating site, I’d suggest one geared very specifically to Catholics, not just Christians in general. Our church bulletin advertises a Catholic dating site called catholicsingles.com. I’ve never checked it out obviously, being married and all, but might be worth a look.

    1. Thank you so much friend. And thanks for sharing your love story! That’s great advice- I’ll look into it! Thanks! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you so much friend 🙂 that’s such great advice. I appreciate it. Hugs and love xox

  72. I met Kathleen at church, at a Catholic Young Adult group. We were friends for over a year before we even started dating. I knew she was the right one because she was one of the few people who could see past my image and know me as I really am. And then she still had faith in me, and holds me to the high standards I have always wished I could hold myself to.

    1. Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful love story! You two sound like an amazing match. 🙂 Hugs to you two! Xox

    1. Thank you Kelly!! I really appreciate your encouragement. I think you’re right about that! Hugs and love xox

  73. Hi Caralyn: You are certainly a BEAUTY beyond bones. You have a beautiful, sensitive, discerning, Godly God given spirit.
    I admire and thank you for not going for the second date. A person worthy of you does not talk the way that fellow talked. And if that “bragging” of using drugs etc. is thought by him to be a way to gain and hold a BEAUTIFUL young Christian lady’s attention, for his sake, I hope he grows up and matures.

    I have heard there are a number of Christian dating sites that non-Christian guys check, because that is the type of lady they desire for themselves, but they don’t want to live that lifestyle, but they want her to.

    I believe you won’t compromise your faith, your morals, your standards, your principles. Continue to hold them high, and live them daily for all to see. Then the man of God, that Holy Spirit is preparing for you, will see your Godly life as he sees you.

    God’s Blessings, TOTALLY BEAUTIFUL Caralyn,
    Luv, 😀❤️🌹😘

    1. Hey George! Thank you for this wonderful response. I believe you’re right about that – God is preparing his heart and will bring us together in His perfect timing. Thank you for such affirming words of encouragement. I am so grateful 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  74. I met my husband through a dating app and he was the very first guy I actually had met in person from there. I think I was just a lucky person to have that happen. BUT I tried online dating a billion times before that. I don’t really have any advice because I know there wasn’t anything I did in particular that made it happen. I think t comes down to God’s timing. Hang in there! 🤗

    1. Thank you Jasmine for sharing your love story! So inspiring! Thanks for the encouraging words:) Hugs and love xox

  75. I love that you’re including us as a ride-along! LOL… you did awesome, and YES!!! You were so good to notice those red flags. We all know that you won’t find Mr. Perfect, cause he doesn’t exist. But… you absolutely are worth a man much better than that dude! Anyone who’s affiliated with a church or whose parent might be religious will claim “Christianity”. It’s another thing to find someone who has Jesus on the throne of his life… I was told to always ask…”but do you love Jesus?” …which I didn’t follow when it was the most crucial. I met my hubby almost 16 years ago and our first few dates were full of debates about fundamental issues. We still coudn’t get enough of each other even though we were polar opposites. We ended up getting pregnant right away and having a shotgun wedding. 15 years and 2 additional kids later, he finally surrendered to Jesus and we finally have the home I always dreamed of. So…in a nutshell… definitely be picky, you are worth it! But also know that whatever his shortcomings are (which he will surely have)… God is bigger than them. He will use them for good in both of your lives and marriage isn’t meant to make you happy, it’s meant to make you holy. Be patient, be open, be wise…and above all be willing to trust God to lead you one step at a time! <3 you got this, my friend!

    1. Haha thank you Nita! Thanks for this awesome advice. You’re so right about that — be patient, open, wise, and willing to trust God! That perfectly sums it up! Hugs and love xox

  76. Interesting post. It sounds like you did the right thing passing on this guy. Would you have responded differently to him if his drug use was in the past and he was in recovery? Thoughtful post as always.

    1. Thank you friend. That’s a really great question. I’d definitely have to pray about it! Hugs and love xox

  77. You SHOULD be choosey! You are worth it. The F bomb I could probably forgive, but I have no give on illegal drugs. PLUS I’d worry about him slipping you something. Good job getting out there, and good job knowing he aint the right one.

    1. Thanks Tony, I appreciate this encouragement. Yeah that’s a great point. I have a no give on illegal drugs too. Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you so much! Yes! Gotta pray for him 🙂 that’s such a great idea! Hugs and love xox

  78. Wow, well at least he showed his faults early on. It’s not always easy to admit them early on but he didn’t seem to mind that he was a drug user. Don’t feel bad that you have to let this guy down. Feel bad for him that he has to take drugs in order to feel happiness and that he has to use foul language in order to have a conversation.

    He does need help for the drug use. Many homeless people exist due to them abusing drugs so while he isn’t what you are looking for (well drug addicts are not good potential mates) he certainly does need help to curb his addiction.

    Here’s to hoping dating will be better for you but at the very least, you want to see their faults when dating and not when you are living with one of them. That way you can be with the person you are meant to be with and you can deal with the faults they do have. Marriage can be a trying thing too so remember to be patient there when the time comes.

    Good luck with your husband search.

    1. Thanks friend for this encouragement. You’re so right about that – patience is so important in dating and marriage alike. Hi

  79. I’m happy to hear that you stood by your own standards. I hated it when people used to tell me to settle down with a relative best… when I was 15… Besides that point, I met my soulmate in high school, started dating during the end of our senior year, and continued through this day (after college and now grad school). I’m a fully devoted Catholic; he’s an atheist. When I was a teen, I didn’t think the relationship would last because of this. But, honestly, I have never met a more perfect partner for me. I think God operates through people in different ways, and despite our differences, there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s the ~magical~ one.

    1. Thank you so much friend, for sharing your love story! I think you’re right about that! So glad you’ve found him! Hugs and love xox

  80. Thank you for writing this. I know that there are many girls out there that need to know that they don’t have to settle. I am glad that you know this to be true!

    1. Thank you so much Katie 🙂 yes! We all deserve to keep our standards high! Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  81. When it comes to the world of online dating, I follow two rules (above and beyond the qualities I’m looking for): 1- approach each date with low expectations, it’s easier to be pleasantly surprised that way, and 2- it’s okay to have high standards, because a relationship lasts much longer than a couple dates. And the right one will last the rest of my life. Glad to hear you found the positives in this experience, and I hope you continue you approach life with the same energy and enthusiasm!

    1. Thanks so much Luke 🙂 those are terrific rules! I am definitely going to adopt them! Thanks! Hugs and love xox

  82. I’m dreading the whole dating part myself because I’ve been away from it for a while now. But I’m gonna take your advice and read the red flags if any cause they matter.

    1. Thanks Tanya. Yeah – I was nervous about jumping back in but it definitely wasn’t as scary as I thought! Hugs and love xox

  83. Hello lovely! I first and foremost want to applaud you on standing up for yourself and seeing the Truth that you are WORTH IT. Makes my heart warm. I do have to say that I believe it is dangerous to assert that we are not called to judge the actions of others (in a denotative, discerning manner). We are NOT called to condemn, but to discern healthy and Jesus-loving actions and call actions that are not such out when we establish the matter is not a pattern in our own lives. And if this man claims Christ’s name, by all means, call him on drug usage–that is not Biblical behavior. You go girl!

    1. Thank you so much friend 🙂 that’s so true – it called to condemn but to discern whether or not this is the man God has planned for us! Hugs and love xox

  84. Wow, I was just taken aback with this one. You are in that stage of learning that is not easy. You are the quality that does not require being on display for anybody. You may find what you are looking for when you stop looking. On the upside, you are able to gain wisdom through doing. I admire your spunk. I send you my most powerful thoughts for happiness. Keep up the good work and continue to gain wisdom.

    1. Thank you friend. My spunk:) hehe that made my day! Thank you for the wonderful words of encouragement! Gg

    1. Hahaha oh good! That’s why I included it. Mission accomplished. 🙂 thanks friend. Hugs and love xox

  85. “How did you meet your significant other? What’s your best piece of dating advice? I’m ALL EARS!”

    I met my wife while not looking for a mate at all, travelling 1,200 miles to visit my mother and meeting her in my small hometown. And she wasn’t from there but from Chicago! What are the odds of that! LOL! We’ve been married quite happily for 38 years as of last week. 🙂

    There’s a lot of advice I could give, a few here. Be very patient. It’s better to be single than wish you were. Besides that, the more relationally healthy you are the more the other person you will attract will be the same. Also, make sure you’re both going in the same direction in life goals, values, etc. Finally, remember that there’s nothing in our culture that will hold your marriage together. We must learn to be governed from within, empowered by God who is called Love. He makes the impossible possible.

    1. Oh wow what a beautiful love story! Thanks so much for sharing that. And congrats on 38 years! That’s really something to celebrate! Awesome advice. Thank you! Hugs and love xox

  86. It’s so important to listen to your intuition on these things! I met my hubby 5 years ago on the online dating site Ok Cupid after years of terrible dates with perfect-on-paper men. Before doing so, I made a 100+ item list of traits I wanted in a man; I split into non-negotiable and nice to have, and then prioritized my essentials… those top traits were *absolutely* required to start dating someone, or continue dating if I only found out later.

    Like you, I went into it with intention. I literally had a list of 10+ high-standard prerequisites on my dating profile to deter the wrong people… putting the effort into expressing exactly what I wanted attracted higher caliber men, and made me more confident in my own self-worth. My naive 24-year-old self though my expectations were too high…impossible.

    My first (and only) online dating date was my now-hubby. On our first date, I *knew* that he would be the man I would marry… I don’t know how, but I knew that in my heart. He met every single non-negotiable I had pre-set, and it simply felt right.

    The advice I would offer: Know what you deserve, define what you desire, be open to love, be patient with God, and keep your eyes open–when you meet your future spouse, your heart will tell you.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your love story! Gives me great hope! That’s awesome advice — thank you for that! Hugs and love xox

  87. Thank you for this. The dating world is so scary and big and it feels quite isolating at times, especially after a bad date. Thank you for your honesty in sharing your experience and giving a bit of solidarity to all of us out there.

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. It really means a lot!! Hugs and love xox

  88. Such a great blog post! We should never settle for less than what we think and know we deserve! Period! And I say this all the time, we have to value and respect others people time. I’m glad you let him know there would be no other dates right after the first one. Clean break, lol! Dating isn’t bad but it can be frustrating especially when you know you’re great and put in effort and the other person doesn’t.

  89. Love this, especially realizing you shouldn’t feel guilt about not compromising your standards. Stay true to yourself!!! My husband and I met through my best friend and his best friend. We will be celebrating 30 years of marriage this year!!! Thank you for sharing your journey 💕

    1. Aw thank you so much Lisa! I’m so glad this resonated with you. And thank you for sharing your beautiful love story! Congratulations on 30 years! That’s really something to celebrate! Hugs and love XOXO

  90. Wow.. a first date! another stepping stone lol.. but those red flags you saw are reaaally crimson to me and the dating sites/app thingey whether christian sites or not blah blah blah are a “no no” for me.. I don’t trust ’em (Just sayin’) ..cos I believe my creators plan for my soulmate doesn’t involve ’em… (I’m starting to sound like my granny lol)

    But I’m sure you’ll find ‘him’ soon because the biggest HIM is up there leading you to him.

    And safe journey.

    1. Thanks haha yeah there’s a lot of wisdom there. Amen to that! Thanks friend. Hugs and love xox

  91. Hey sis’! You’ve done the right thing. I had to learn the “Red Flags” system when it comes to meeting a gentleman. It’s a tough process, but you will get through it; God will make sure of that. Just like you, I’m a single woman as well and I also am waiting for God to prepare both him and myself to eventually find one another soon. We can only operate on the Lord’s Time.

    When I was in high school, I met and dated the man of my dreams, and after he left for college, 2 years later, he passed away. He attended a party and someone spiked his drink. Not only that, but he didn’t have enough food in his system to soak up the alcohol. After his loss, I met someone online. The only thing was that we had a long distance relationship. I was one of those people that wanted to prove everyone wrong and that that type of relationship does work, but, in the end, despite us being together for years and him traveling to see me, we both grew tired of the same thing: Traveling to spend time with one another. So, we just remained as friends.

    I met a few guys that loved to drop more than F-bombs too, which did ache the heck out of my heart. I mean, I agree with you that people just need to release some stress, especially since I have a family that is quick to drop a word on you if you upset them, but I experienced that same thing to on a first date.

    My suggestion to you is keep being the smart and unique woman that you are. You do deserve the best that God has in store for your life overall. My best piece of advice is listen to your heart and pray about it and over it. Some may not believe in prayer, but I’m a woman that does. It’s key to pay attention to their conversations with you, just like you had,

    Men that I wanted to date and interact with more sought sex to come out of me. THAT IS A BIG RED FLAG I kept receiving from them. Lol. One smoked, one had kids (no problem) but was flirting on his phone while he was visiting and talking right next to me in his car (BIG PROBLEM), and another didn’t want to go out to a show and to dinner, but to only visit his home a couple cities away from me… to have sex. This BIG RED FLAG was flagging and sounding like a police siren, girl. LOL.

    Stay safe and don’t believe for a second that you’re doing anything wrong, because, if anything,You are a smart woman! Love ya’ and chat soon. 🙂

    1. Thanks so much for sharing your story. Gosh I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. My heart breaks hearing that. And thank you for the powerful advice. So much wisdom here! God is preparing the men He has in store for us! I’ll be praying for you! Thanks again for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  92. You didn’t have to “let him down”. He let YOU down by presenting himself in a false light, and by thinking you wouldn’t be smart enough to notice. The only way he can get a date is by lying. I’d try it if I didn’t have integrity getting in the way.

  93. Very wise. I decided to date a similar guy just for fun and now I’m a single mom fighting to keep his heart guarded. There is so much peace knowing that God loves and protects my child more than I ever could, though!
    I have no dating advice as being a mama to a toddler boy is keeps me quite busy, but I completely agree with preferring direct introductions over dating apps.

    1. Thank you Tasha! I really appreciate your encouragement. I like direct intros too! Hugs and love xox

  94. My wife and I met on the Internet. Via a Christian music chatroom. We’ll be 16 years married in 11 days. We didn’t follow the usual way of doing things. We were c. 360 miles apart most of the time. So, don’t give up on the app just yet. It may not happen first time, but you never know what’s next… 😀

    1. Thanks for sharing your beautiful love story! Congrats on 16 years! Gives me great hope 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  95. I’m having insomnia tonight because I probably shouldn’t have had coffee too late in the day. I enjoyed your post a lot. It made me laugh because I too am very choosy. I feel bad a out it sometimes. But your blog made me accept it, and feel okay with it. You’re right, God has a plan.

    1. Thanks Ana. I’m glad this resonated with you 🙂 I hope you can get some sleep! Hugs and love xox

  96. Good for you. Very smart way to go about in the dating scene. Bravo! My dating story in meeting my hubby is too long to type here. Suffice it to say, I was in a different place and mindset than you by the time I met my husband. But I do believe God brought us together. Happy Monday!

  97. As somebody who went from one toxic relationship to another for 12 years then trust me, nothing wrong with getting your guard up and knowing what you want. I dont regret any of it because without that I wouldnt have ended up with my (now ex) wife (she wasn’t one of the toxic relationships just to clarify) and as a result I wouldnt have those beautiful girls. They are my anchor in these troubling times.

    1. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry you’ve gone through difficult seasons. Yes – your girls are a blessing. Hugs and love xox

  98. I’m very proud of you for getting out of your comfort zone and going on that date! I like a boy in my Catholic group and I’m half wishing he’ll ask me on a date and half terrified about that possibility because, what if it goes wrong? I’m not afraid of making a fool of myself, I’m an expert on that haha. But I’m afraid I’ll discover some “red flag” and then have to turn him down. And then keep seeing him every Friday. That would be mortifying.

    1. Thank you Paola. I appreciate your encouragement! I hope he does! You’ll have to keep me posted 🙂 I’ll be praying for ya! Hugs and love xox

  99. Hang in there, its like you said, if its meant to be, it will be. My friends were always encouraging me to go out. “How are you ever going to meet someone if you never come out!?” I’m very independant but didnt really have the time or the want to go find someone. But, go figure, I end up buying a house and the love of my life/now husband was my neighbor! I still like to rub it in my friends faces. Either you will find your love or he will find you, it’s meant to be.

    1. Thank you friend. Oh wow!! That’s such a fun story! Mr. Rogers would be proud:) hehe Hugs and love xox

  100. And for someone who you can follow without a second thought. Who will lead you in life and spiritually in a way that honors the Lord.

  101. Dearest, what you described in this blog is what we are advised in the scriptures to seek, wisdom! Yes, an excellent woman is worth FAR more than jewels! I am truly not trying to “piggyback” promote my blog on yours but I am writing a series of blogs on the Pr 31 Woman. I think you’d appreciate especially the one titled “You are worth more than diamonds! She was worth far more than jewels BEFORE she was found by the man God prepared for her! Yes, you are sweet sister in Christ!

  102. This post is filled with the truth of understanding our value in the Lord alone and actually applying it in our daily life. Don’t ever feel like your Christlike standards are too high because you only need one man to meet them and God honors that. I have extremely high standards and only ever dated the man I have been married to for 2.5 years now. Also don’t believe the world, and well meaning people, telling you singleness is a problem to be fixed. It is a limited time gift from God where you have different opportunities to serve in ways that wives and mothers simply cannot. Enjoy it and continue serving God wholeheartedly!

    1. Thank you so much Sonya, I really appreciate your kind words. You’re right – it is a limited time gift from God – I love that perspective! thanks! Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you so much Matt! That’s really kind of you to say. can’t wait to read your piece! Hugs and love xox

  103. Well done. Seriously. You’ve made the right decision. And that red flag came along nice and early which is great. I did online dating for four years before I finally met my complete and utter soulmate … yes, there is such a thing. One thing that I’ve learnt is this, the red flags that I chose to ignore (due to the excitement which is to be expected) at the beginning of any relationship have always, without exception, been the reason for the demise in the relationship. You’re a beautiful girl with many talents – let them chase you, you just get to do the fun bit, the choosing! Enjoy. Katie xx

    1. Thank you Katie. That’s great advice – always pay attention to the red flags. So glad you’ve found your soulmate! That’s wonderful!! Hugs and love xox

  104. You know I’m totally oblivious, Caralyn, but here’s what happened over the last three weeks: I’m sitting next to this woman in Advertising and Marketing class at HMI, and she’s handing me peanuts and dried apricot patties. I warn her that she’s spoiling me, and when they see this a number of men come around at break to break it up. But she had revealed something to me about her past, and as class wound up I ended up whispering into her ear that her grace was waiting to be revealed. Everyone else left while we were talking, our faces just a few inches apart, and this beautiful, trusting light filled her eyes.

    Two weeks later she was gesturing during conversation and I stopped and told her “Do you realize that you’re touching my heart right now?” She slowed down as I smiled with joy and raised her hand over my breastbone. It felt wonderful, so she kept on pushing her grace into my heart and then all the grief that I have been carrying around spilled out of me. I actually started weeping and she just opened her arms to give me a hug.

    So what’s left to fight, huh?

    1. Hey Brian! Oh my goodness what a touching story! This just filled my heart with so much joy! So happy for you! Hugs and love xox

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