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OK! ONTO THE POST!
So I went on a date yesterday.
I know. Call the press. This is BIG.
haha Juuuuust kidding. But it was a bit of excitement for a weekday evening.
It was one of those things that I just made myself do.
I’m trying to be open to love, open to God’s plan for my life. And as you know, in recent months, I’ve finally begun the process of learning how to accept love.
It’s been a long and arduous journey, but here we are. Home stretch of 2018. It’s time for me to start dating.
And since Ben Higgins is not in my direct proximity here in NYC, I decided to let one of my friends download a dating app onto my phone.
Which, I only agreed to because this particular one showed whether the guy is Christian or not — in addition to his age, job title and height.
So, I matched with this seemingly perfect guy: Christian. Incredible job. Former D1 collegiate athlete. Corner unit of a luxury high rise that overlooked lower Manhattan. And he legitimately looked like a Ken Doll. We’re talking — cheek bones that could cut glass and a jaw line that would make Ashton Kutcher jealous.
I was expecting greatness.
And to be fair, I did have a great time. But more than that, I learned a lot about myself.
We went to this swanky bar. I got all dressed up and felt a bit like a princess. The conversation, though not the most riveting…I mean hello – it was a first date — never lulled for a full two and a half hours.
And aside from dodging his attempt at a kiss goodnight with an extra enthusiastic, “I’M A HUGGER!” line — there was no awkwardness to speak of. I was a smooth operator. He even invited me out again this weekend.
But here’s the thing. This guy (who for the record doesn’t know this blog exists, or that I am even a writer) exhibited several red flags that I couldn’t help but take note of.
For starters, he dropped the F-Bomb within five minutes of our conversation. And then proceeded to use it 7 more times throughout the night. And yes – I was counting.
Look, I’m not looking for St. Michael. I don’t care if you curse. I have been known to throw around a few four letter words every now and then. But not on a first date. Be a gentleman. I am a lady, gosh darn it — show a little respect.
So that kinda got my radar up.
The nail in the coffin for me, though, was when he talked about how he recently took some hallucinogenic drugs at a music festival. And I’m not talking about weed. We’re talking get-you-locked-up, hard drug.
And he was bragging about it.
And again, to each his own. If a person chooses to take drugs – that’s their decision, and I am not going to judge them on it. But I can tell you, that that man will not be the father of my children.
But here’s the kicker.
This guy’s job is one that he can be randomly drug tested at any time. And if he fails that test, he would lose his job. Not like, oh just get another job. No. This is like, he’d never be able to work in his job field ever again.
So I was just blown away by how irresponsibly stupid his decision was to do that. Several times.
Big, bright, flashing red flag.
At the end of the night, coming home, I had a pit in my stomach. Because I knew I was going to have to let this guy down.
And the people pleaser in me hates disappointing people. Especially when it comes to personal matters.
But riding home in my Uber that night, I had an epiphany.
I finally realized what I deserved.
I finally saw my worth in a very tangible way.
Sure, this guy was great on paper. But the fact is: I deserve more than what this guy was offering. I deserve to be respected, and treated as the gem that I am. I am worth that.
I deserve to be in a relationship where trust is not an issue – where I don’t have to worry about the potential for drug abuse problems, or whether my husband will be able to stay clean, especially when there are children in the picture.
And look. Yes, I get it – it was a first date. Maybe you’re thinking, “Jeeze, getting ahead of yourself, much? Pump the breaks on the marriage and kids thoughts!”
Well, to that, I politely say, No.
Because here’s the deal: I’m not just dating to “date around” and “have fun.”
I’m looking for the man I’m supposed to marry.
And so you better believe that I will always always be evaluating him on that fact. And as soon as I don’t feel it anymore, I don’t want to waste my time, but more importantly, his time either by leading him on or letting things just stall because I’m afraid to hurt some feelings.
There is a man out there that God is preparing. He’s preparing my heart, and He’s preparing his. And I trust that He is going to bring Him into my life at the precise time, when we both are ready.
Am I glad that I went yesterday?
I learned that:
A) dating isn’t as scary as I thought it would be.
B) I’m actually not that bad at it.
C) I shouldn’t feel badly about not compromising my high standards, because I am worth it.
I’m no saint. You all know my sordid past, and all the skeletons in my closet that I will one day have to share with my future husband. So I fully understand and appreciate that compromise and understanding and grace are two-way streets. And I’m going to be so blessed and grateful for a man who will accept all of me, as I will him.
But I’m allowed to be choosy, and recognize any scary red flags when I see them.
Moral of the story: I’ve just got to keep putting myself in play. Because God will work His agenda, but I’ve gotta meet Him half way.
And finally FINALLY — maybe those dating apps just aren’t for me.
I think I’d rather be introduced by a friend. 🙂
How did you meet your significant other? What’s your best piece of dating advice? I’m ALL EARS!
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