Wow, what a conference. We’re driving home right now and my goodness, my heart is so full, it feels like it could absolutely burst.
If you’ve been following along my adventure at the FOCUS conference (#SEEK2019) on Instagram (@beauty.beyond.bones), then you are up to date on all the phenomenal talks and concerts from these past several days.
From Father Mike Schmitz to Leah Darrow to Adoration to NEEDTOBREATHE and Matt Maher – it was truly life changing.
Something happened over the conference.
As you know, this blog has been anonymous for the 4 years it’s been in existence. But I think if I’m honest, one of the main reasons for that anonymity, I believes stems from pride. I’m too prideful to admit that I suffered with anorexia in high school. That is a gross and ugly truth to admit, but here I am, folks.
Well, I found myself, this weekend, sharing with people about my blog. Not just as a vanilla “Christian blog” – but by actually naming it: BeautyBeyondBones. Sharing the actual blog. The topic. Letting people in. And it felt amazing.
I just felt the Lord move in my heart that what I went through – the anorexia in my past – it is nothing to be ashamed of anymore. It doesn’t mar me or define me, or make me any less of a person. But in fact, it is the precise way that God has reached me, and rescued me. It was the access point for His grace. And my healthy body, and reclamation of my life actually is a living, breathing, and interactive example of the grace, and mercy and glory of God that He generously poured out over me.
I have always “known” that – but this time, it actually hit. Sunk in, deep to my core.
I felt that stigma that I had carried, burdened in my heart that it made me a defective person – I felt that melt away this weekend. Jesus replaced that fear in my heart with a boldness. And I’m really excited about it.
Because the truth is, God does not allow you to go through something that He’s not going to use. He is going take every brokenness, every hurt, every wound – and use it to help shape you and I into the people He created us to be: fully alive.
And not only that, but as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are to run together towards Heaven. And if what I went through can help someone else in their journey, then praise be to God. Because that’s what being a family is all about – sharing our healed wounds, and the power of Jesus with one another, and building up the body of Christ.
There is a beautiful tradition in Japanese ancient art, called Kintsugi, that dates back to the 15th century. And it translates to “golden joinery.”
This revered art form takes broken pottery, and mends it back together with gold. These exquisite repaired bowls and dishes actually highlight and emphasize the breaks, rather than hide them. And in fact, they’re regarded as more beautiful than before. They’re prized precisely because they were broken and masterfully mended.
I cannot change the fact that I had anorexia. But is part of my history that God has used to give me the heart and the spirit I have today. My healing reveals the glory of God, so why should I hide that away?
I should be shouting it from the rooftops! Because God is good – He is so so good, and I owe Him my life. Why not share that.
I am that Kintsugi pottery – broken, yet beautifully restored by a skilled and gentle Artist that doesn’t discount my worth, but rather sees me as valued all the more. Not because of anything I did, but rather, because of His healing in me.
There is nothing we give to the Father that He cannot mend and repair into a beautiful, worthy work of art.
He sees those fractures and chips not as something to hide, but rather, something to illuminate. Because they reveal His grace, mercy and love.
So let me walk up to you, look you in the eye, and share with you exactly what I write about. Because it sets my spirit on fire. Because God rescued me from the depths, and He sure as heck will for you, too.
Never be ashamed of your story. You are beautiful. And worthy. And worthy of being known. Just as you are.
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Here was yesterday’s video! https://youtu.be/8pmp4ZI968A
A big thank you to my foundational sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy. I cannot begin to express how beneficial therapy was for my recovery from anorexia. Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.
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