Seeing Gold

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Wow, what a conference. We’re driving home right now and my goodness, my heart is so full, it feels like it could absolutely burst.

Leah Darrow!

If you’ve been following along my adventure at the FOCUS conference (#SEEK2019) on Instagram (@beauty.beyond.bones), then you are up to date on all the phenomenal talks and concerts from these past several days.

NEEDTOBREATHE concert

From Father Mike Schmitz to Leah Darrow to Adoration to NEEDTOBREATHE and Matt Maher – it was truly life changing.

Photo: @focuscatholic Instagram

Something happened over the conference.

As you know, this blog has been anonymous for the 4 years it’s been in existence. But I think if I’m honest, one of the main reasons for that anonymity, I believes stems from pride. I’m too prideful to admit that I suffered with anorexia in high school. That is a gross and ugly truth to admit, but here I am, folks.

Well, I found myself, this weekend, sharing with people about my blog. Not just as a vanilla “Christian blog” – but by actually naming it: BeautyBeyondBones. Sharing the actual blog. The topic. Letting people in. And it felt amazing.

I just felt the Lord move in my heart that what I went through – the anorexia in my past – it is nothing to be ashamed of anymore. It doesn’t mar me or define me, or make me any less of a person. But in fact, it is the precise way that God has reached me, and rescued me. It was the access point for His grace. And my healthy body, and reclamation of my life actually is a living, breathing, and interactive example of the grace, and mercy and glory of God that He generously poured out over me.

I have always “known” that – but this time, it actually hit. Sunk in, deep to my core.

I felt that stigma that I had carried, burdened in my heart that it made me a defective person – I felt that melt away this weekend. Jesus replaced that fear in my heart with a boldness. And I’m really excited about it.

Because the truth is, God does not allow you to go through something that He’s not going to use. He is going take every brokenness, every hurt, every wound – and use it to help shape you and I into the people He created us to be: fully alive.

And not only that, but as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are to run together towards Heaven. And if what I went through can help someone else in their journey, then praise be to God. Because that’s what being a family is all about – sharing our healed wounds, and the power of Jesus with one another, and building up the body of Christ.

There is a beautiful tradition in Japanese ancient art, called Kintsugi, that dates back to the 15th century. And it translates to “golden joinery.”

This revered art form takes broken pottery, and mends it back together with gold. These exquisite repaired bowls and dishes actually highlight and emphasize the breaks, rather than hide them. And in fact, they’re regarded as more beautiful than before. They’re prized precisely because they were broken and masterfully mended.

Photo: LifeGate

I cannot change the fact that I had anorexia. But is part of my history that God has used to give me the heart and the spirit I have today. My healing reveals the glory of God, so why should I hide that away?

I should be shouting it from the rooftops! Because God is good – He is so so good, and I owe Him my life. Why not share that.

I am that Kintsugi pottery – broken, yet beautifully restored by a skilled and gentle Artist that doesn’t discount my worth, but rather sees me as valued all the more. Not because of anything I did, but rather, because of His healing in me.

There is nothing we give to the Father that He cannot mend and repair into a beautiful, worthy work of art.

He sees those fractures and chips not as something to hide, but rather, something to illuminate. Because they reveal His grace, mercy and love.

So let me walk up to you, look you in the eye, and share with you exactly what I write about. Because it sets my spirit on fire. Because God rescued me from the depths, and He sure as heck will for you, too.

Never be ashamed of your story. You are beautiful. And worthy. And worthy of being known. Just as you are.


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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

219 thoughts on “Seeing Gold”

  2. That was just absolutely beautiful…thank you so much, really touched me and I’m so glad you were so blessed and “set free” at the conference. A very happy and blessed 2019 to your and yours!

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    1. Oh my gosh Meghan, I am so touched by this!! Thank you my dear friend. You are a blessing to me. God is good! Hugs and love xox

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  4. Was it scary telling others the true nature of your blog? Mines still my best kept secret, to the point where I’ve blocked all my work colleagues on any social media platform where there’s a link back to my blog so they can’t find it. Even though God healed me of anorexia, I don’t want to admit to people who I see in my day to day life that there ever was a problem. But the more time passes from the days of the ED the more I want to tell people about how I was healed of it, telling people would glorify God. Yet I’m to scared and quite possibly too prideful to tell people.

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    1. Hi Arabella! Thank you for this thoughtful reflection. This is exactly what I wrestled with. Your recovery is something to celebrate. Because at the end of the day every single person has something in their past that they would rather not share or erase altogether. But the fact that you have owned yours and are sharing God’s glory through it all, it will help people on their own journey of healing from whatever their trial is. Hugs and love xox

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    1. Oh my gosh thank you so much Nicole for sharing your story and for your kind words of encouragement. God is so good! And I’m cheering for you in your freedom from ED! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  7. Keep shining and reflecting the love and healing power of our Lord to those going through similar struggles now especially the younger girls. Also, I find that some healing lessons we need to remind ourselves of over and over again. Have a fabulous and blessed 2019 sis!

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    1. Thank you so much my dear friend. I think you’re right. The healing process is in constant evolution! God is always working! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thanks! Me too! She’s an amazing human! You can listen to her talk on FOCUS’s YouTube channel! And hey! I’m going to be a guest on her podcast in March! We recorded it last month and i can’t wait for you to hear it!! 🤗 Hugs and love xox

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      2. thanks girl! yeah, I cannot wait for it to be released! I’ll be sure to share about it! 🙂 hope you’re having a beautiful day!!

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  14. Caralyn, that was so beautifully stated!! I loved it. As I was reading this, it’s as if my spirit in me was screaming “Yes!”, especially when you wrote: “I am that Kintsugi pottery – broken, yet beautifully restored by a skilled and gentle Artist that doesn’t discount my worth, but rather sees me as valued all the more. Not because of anything I did, but rather, because of His healing in me.” I needed that reminder! I’m glad that it was such a powerful time for you. Thank you for sharing. Oh, and gotta love some needtobreathe, too! – Joe

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    1. Thank you so much Joe! Aw I’m so glad this resonated with you! Thank you for the wonderfully kind words. They were such a great band! They put on one heck of a show! Hugs and love xox

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  15. Your success is based in your honesty. Caralyn, we can only love you for who you are. The past is there, you live the affects the past gave you to deal with. There is more beauty in you than beyond bone. You are learning more with each experience you share with our readers. We support you to continue as the new year will take you to the next level. Go on and BE.

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    1. Gosh thank you for this beautiful affirmation. I am truly so touched. You are right about that – I am learning so much everyday – God is a generous and patient teacher. Thank you again. You’re a blessing to me. Hugs and love xox

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  16. Beautiful. True. God helps us overcome. Through weakness. Dependence on Him. And we’re stronger and our story helps others. Evident in your blog’s reach. big hugs.

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  18. “He is going take every brokenness, every hurt, every wound – and use it to help shape you and I into the people He created us to be: fully alive.”

    I love this. It is an amazing reminder of a Christ-like perspective on our suffering. Keep being an obedient light for your readers! And keep pointing them to Christ!

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    1. Thank you so much, my dear friend. Amen to that! Fully alive! That is the vocation for each and every one of us! Hugs and love xox

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  19. I love the way you folded the pottery repair into this story. It was inspiring!
    Congratulations on coming out of your blog closet! Enjoy the daylight it brings. 😊

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  21. THIS IS AMAZING YES WOW. I LOVE IT. I have been listening to some of the SEEK talks all incredible. What was your favorite one?

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    1. Oh my gosh, thank you so much Anna, I really appreciate your kind words! oh awesome! isn’t it great that they’ve live streamed it? My favorites were Sister Miriam James, Leah Darrow, and of course, Father Mike’s keynote! WHat about yours?

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      1. Yes of course 🙂 it’s so great, I love it! Mhm will definitely check those out! I have only watched a few but Curtis Martin’s with Leah Darrow is SO good 🙂

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  23. I’m glad you loved the conference. We all need a spiritual boost of encouragement. Thanks for sharing your story. Loved the imagery about the repaired plate and gold. Blessings to you Caralyn.

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  26. Wow, so exciting to hear how God poured out his truth into your heart to give you the courage to share it not just because you feel you have to, but because you want to. Our testimony is our greatest weapon and yes, it always seems hard to use any weapon and we would rather not, but the battles rage and we will share the victory. I wish I didn’t ever have to admit that I was a substance abuser, (nice word for druggie) but the miracle that set me free has inspired many many more. My embarrassment is a small price compared to the cost of my freedom. Bless you my friend, you continue to bless me!

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    1. Hi Dan, thank you so much for sharing your story. So glad you have found that freedom! God is good! Hugs and love xox

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  27. Your blog is one of the few I have emailed to me and which I forget is a blog at times because I read the posts as emails and often forget to come show love though likes and commenting as much as is needed to ensure your blog continues to grow and develop sponsors. For that I commit to being better this year because you share truly wonderful, life-giving content – more what I’d like to call inspiration. I read and I want to cook or go call a friend or spend more time in prayer. I’m inspired to act versus just read and move on. Thank you.

    That said, I read this post hours ago under my other profile – website versus blog – and made a note to come comment because I was heading into Bible Study. I too did the whole anonymous blog thing. Shoot, I’m a ghostwriter – my whole life is one big secret I can’t talk about! So I relate to your comments about that and having bravery to discuss it because I feel like that at times even though this blog isn’t deep yet. I had blogged for the last five years doing thought oriented posts that explored faith and life and always felt like people would judge me if they knew I was a domestic violence survivor and teen mom, or if they knew I was Christian who had friends with alternative lifestyles, so I kept silent. And then over the past year I started to talk about the blogs and what I wanted to do with this one and such. “This one” being the profile I’m writing from. So as I read this, tears escaped my eyes and I had such joy for you as you shared about how you felt. Your posts have been life at times when the days were dark and even though I can’t relate to some things – I value reading each of them and am thankful you share. I was a teen mom and I love thinking of how my 23-year-old daughter could read a post from you and learn that virginity isn’t to be shamed, or how it’s okay to laugh at yourself over dating disasters. It’s great to have a blog to send young adults to and know the content comes from a good place! Bless you and thank you so much for your vulnerability. May God bless you phenomenally this year with growth and awareness of your blog so all who need this information and inspiration and encouragement will be able to read it! And thanks for being an inspiration to me! ~Shell (I Apologize for typos; using phone app and didn’t reread.)

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    1. Hi Shell! Oh my gosh, this absolutely touched my heart. I am seriously so humbled by your words. And wow thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you had to endure that abuse. You did not deserve that. You deserved to be cherished with respect and dignity and I am sorry that you were mistreated. Thank you for blessing me tonight with this incredible affirmation. Your daughter is lucky to have such an awesome mom 🙂 and God bless you and yours this coming year as well!! I can’t wait to see what God has in store for both of us. Know you’re in my heart and prayers! Hugs and love xox

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      1. ❤️💜 Just as He helped you see your beauty beyond bones, He helped me understand why I experienced what I did. With Him, nothing is wasted and now my story can help younger women and children to experience freedom from bondage! I forgot to mention how much I loved your reference to Kintsugi!

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  29. I absolutely love what you’re writing about hear. I’m sitting on my couch nodding and wanting to scream “YES!” There is such incredible victory and salvation in Christ. Everyone – and I mean everyone – has elements of themselves that they wish they could change, or decisions they wish they could have a do-over on. But God doesn’t see those – God sees a child, still learning and growing in life and in faith. He sees HIS child, perfect and lovely and deserving of salvation, no matter the cost.

    I applaud your honesty and your transparency! I’m so glad I found your blog and look forward to continuing to connect with you in your journey and in your faith!

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      2. Haha sorry Jon! I don’t see your names, just gravitar things! Yours says Captain Duck N Tickles 🤣 haha

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  32. Okay here we are again. I was discussing a post I was working on this morning with my daughter. She immediately started a new post and mentioned the Kintsugi that you mentioned and I know for a fact she didn’t read your post. Anyway would you mind if I tag your post to mine when I mention this?

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    1. Thank you Bruce! What a coincidence! Great minds… 😉 Absolutely! i would be honored, and i can’t wait to read it! hugs xox

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  33. Good for you, Girl! Wonderful article! I, especially, love “Because the truth is, God does not allow you to go through something that He’s not going to use. He is going take every brokenness, every hurt, every wound – and use it to help shape you and I into the people He created us to be: fully alive”.

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  34. Caralyn, I was one of the people you met at SEEK and so courageously shared your blog with; opening the windows into your past to a complete stranger. But I’m not really that, rather I am a sister in Christ who had the honor to meet another beautiful, redeemed,Child of God. I could see God’s love radiating within you and I know that He is using you in a powerful way through your testimony of His goodness and faithfulness. Thank you for your willingness to step out in faith.

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    1. Hi Brigette, gosh your beautiful note warmed my heart. Thank you so much. The amazing thing about our Father is how He loves us, and He transforms us. I so enjoyed meeting you at SEEK. I am still flying high after such a powerful conference!! Sending you so much love and hugs, my sister in Christ! Xox

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