I Got Stood Up – TWICE

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Well, this is embarrassing.

I was stood up. TWICE. Two weekends in a row…by the same guy.

Now, let me clarify — It wasn’t some stranded-at-a-restaurant-alone situation, like a scene out of an early 2000s rom-com.

No, it was a we-made-plans-to-go-out-on-Saturday-night, -and-then-he-never-followed-through situation.

And this happened two weekends in a row.

#livid

The first weekend – he said he fell asleep. Which – you know what…Fine. I have an older sibling who’s a hardworking doctor, and is so sleep deprived that he often times will fall asleep within 90 seconds of sitting down on a couch. Mr. Stood Me Up Twice works at a high-stakes job in NYC – I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I gave him some grace.

Well, this weekend…Saturday night rolls around, we had planned on going out all week. I had gotten a manicure, got my glam on with a great outfit, perfume, makeup, everything — 6pm…7pm…8pm… crickets.

I am just — baffled.

And I’m not dense. I’m not naive that — despicably — most guys have several girls on their “roster” that they’re actively dating in the beginning stages of getting to know a person. Sadly, that’s just the name of the game these days, especially in NYC.

But this guy and I – we’d been out on three dates. He seemed to be really into me…just…bad at dating.

And so, finally…after allowing myself to, admittedly be strung along now for far too long, I am going to respect myself and walk away.

Because I deserve better than that.

I mean, for crying out loud, at the bare minimum, I deserve a text that you’re canceling on me!!

I was pissed.

And yesterday, I took a walk to blow off some steam, and I was reflecting on the fact that – wow, I have been stood up twice. Frankly, if I’m being really honest, it was a bit of a blow to the ego. I feel a little gross admitting, but I never thought that I would be stood up once, let alone, twice.

I mean, I just believe that people are better than that! And maybe that’s a fault.

But I was thinking about it, and it hit me: When people show you who they are, believe them.

I don’t have many bad experiences with people — as a Strong Two on the Enneagram Scale (aka a desperate People Pleaser who’s deepest desire is to be loved) my interactions are 99.9% favorable. But hey, as the former president of a sorority, let’s just say, I’ve seen some things.

But in those rare occasions where I’ve been hurt, or taken advantage of, or simply just left with a bad taste in my mouth about a person — looking back, those behavior patterns were evident all along, I was just choosing to overlook them.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

But I think the biggest takeaway for me was that, God is working.

God is orchestrating exactly where I am, who I’m meeting, what is happening. God is in control. And perhaps God wanted to show me that, frankly, there are some frogs out there. Perhaps God was trying to show me characteristics that I don’t want in my potential husband. Perhaps God was trying to teach me that I need to stand up for myself and demand bare minimum respect and courtesy. There’s no time to waste with someone who’s not respecting you.

I do believe that God has a good plan for me. If I’m being really super brutally honest, I think I still have a long way to go before I’m truly ready to bring someone into my life, and share with them all of my imperfections and the broken past from which –by God’s grace– I’ve overcome. And I think all these experiences are just evidence of Him working on my heart, so I that I am ready to fully let someone in.

And I trust that, God is working on my future husband’s heart too.

I can’t rush God. I’ve got to just keep putting myself out there, open to whomever God brings into my life.

Which is why, I’m going out with another handsome bachelor on Wednesday. 🙂

Oh, and if for some crazy reason Mr. Stood Me Up Twice is reading this…a) Welcome to my secret blog. And b) The men in my family have a few choice words for you, sir.

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382 thoughts on “I Got Stood Up – TWICE”

    1. Thanks Brandon, I appreciate that. But of a blow to the ego but onward and upward!! 🙂 hope you’re having a great night! Hugs and love xox

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  2. His loss will be someone else’s gain. Stand your ground and hold to your standards, and keep your feeling of self-worth strong. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. When all is said and done, I’ve no doubt Mr. Right will appear, and it will be magical. Hugs and love– Mike

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    1. thank you Mike, i appreciate you saying that, and for your encouraging words. you’re right – I believe it will be magical too!! 🙂 have a great night! hugs and love xox

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  3. Hugs. It definitely sucks to be stood up. Glad you’re able to process your feelings and that your support system is strong! Many blessings on your upcoming date.

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    1. thank you friend, I really appreciate the encouragement. yes! i am blessed to have wonderful loved ones to process with!! 🙂 hugs xo

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  4. It is frustrating when Guys are pricks, who don’t have the decency to have some respect for the time and effort of any woman they have been a date (or several) with. It’s sad, that the concept of being a gentleman has gone out the window.

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    1. thank you, yeah it was pretty disappointing to say the least. I think the dating app culture has allowed guys to be able to get away with behavior like this. we need to raise them to a higher standard! hugs x

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      1. I completely agree, the last guy I “dated” (it was 3 dates and not much in the way of communication between dates after the first one), I had met through a dating site. That was the final straw on “looking for love”, since then, I need to meet the guy in real life from the get go. I am definitely holding each guy I meet and get to know to a higher standard of how they treat women, and people in general.

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      2. thank you so much frien d- I’m sorry you can relate so personally. best of luck on your dating journey!! will be praying for you! big hugs xo

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  5. 😂😂😂😂😂that last meme. You know the saying, “it will happen when you aren’t looking for it”….yeah, that’s exactly how I met my husband (almost 24 years now!). Hang in there girl. He’s out there. You will know it without a doubt when you meet him!

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    1. haha thank you so much 🙂 You’re right – when I’m not looking for it! And thanks for sharing your beautiful love story! Gives me great hope. and congrats on 24 years!! that’s really something to celebrate! hugs xox

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  6. Oh, my, yes. When people show you who they are, believe them.
    But, ugh. It is a blow to the ego.
    And you do deserve better. Respect. Courtesy. Kindness. Honesty – which may feel unkind but not nearly as unkind as deception or lies.

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    1. Thank you Teressa, for your wonderful and encouraging words. Just a little courtesy is all I’m after!! hahaha And you’re right – nothing is more beautiful than the truth spoken in love 🙂 hugs to you xo

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  7. Honestly Caralyn, you are too good for this guy. Too many strikes, he’s out. Everything happens for a reason by His direction. I’d be really pissed too. 🙏🏻😳😎

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    1. aw John, thank you my dear friend. That’s exactly what all my friends said too. They were done with him after the first strike! big hugs to you xox

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  8. A kind display of grace and mercy on your part….
    grace towards the first failed date
    mercy for just moving and not choosing to be one those who wants to waste energy on making his life miserable.
    listening to God’s whisper to move and remember you are HIS above anyone else’s
    and how just being HIS gives you all the value in the world to Him is always the wisest way to go.
    He loves you, Caralyn.
    PS. Praying for your hardworking brother.

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    1. Thank you Gail, for your encouraging words. Amen to that – I am His about anyone elses, and I know that when the right man comes along, he will know and respect that too. I am so touched by your kindness. And thanks for your prayers! He’s a pretty awesome dude! 🙂 hugs xox

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      1. 🙂 I’m sure he must be. The spirit of you and your mom is a great indication.
        I use to have a brother who would come in from work, and fall asleep from exhaustion as soon as he sat in a chair or couch (even as a roofer with tar all over him), and didn’t move a muscle until he’s automated 5am alarm went off. Then off he went again to do the same thing… sometimes for days.

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      2. Gosh that sounds just exhausting. Yeah I mean if you’re tired you’re tired!! But there’s just a lack of respect by vanishing!!

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      3. Amen, Sister!! Doctor’s offices, workplaces, and so much will let you go if you are a no show, and write “no rehire” or some kind of note not to allow you back at all.
        I’m glad you have your family for support too. The last line was cute. My brother used to ask me, “You want me to go whip his… ?” And while of course I told him, “No. He’s not worth you’re getting into trouble or going to prison, and it’s just not Christlike” it was pretty cool to know he was willing. 😉

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  9. I broke up with my boyfriend in January. Well, technically, he broke up with me. We had been seeing eachother on and off for about 10 years. So you know I was shocked when he broke up with me because he didn’t get his way one day. Unfortunately for him, it was the second time. I gave him 5 days to change his mind – probably 5 days too many – and then I totally blocked him and made his wish come true. He sent me a text on Valentine’s Day – from a phone number I didn’t recognize. I didn’t respond.

    You did the right thing. You are the Prize and he needs to recognize.

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    1. Oh gosh, I’m so sorry to hear that. You deserve a man that recognizes the prize too! Our princes are out there, my friend! thanks for the encouragment! bigbig hugs xox

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    1. Thank you so much 🙂 I really do appreciate that. And you’re right – it will be a beautiful, beautiful thing, when it happens! 🙂 hugs xox

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  11. As I would tell my daughter (and have!), that kind of behavior should be a real warning sign of worse behavior to come. When it happens it happens. You’re too good to stoop. Good decision.
    Ted

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    1. thank you Ted, that really is terrific advice. A red flag for sure. thanks for the encouragement!! hugs xo

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  12. Yes! Believe them! That is inexcusable behavior and believe me, it likely wouldn’t improve over time. Shake the dust off your shoes and move on. Love is kind. Mr. Wrong was not.

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    1. Thank you so much Deanna! I really appreciate your encouragment. Amen – onto find Mr. Right! 🙂 hugs xos

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    1. hahahhaha well — only secret to him 🙂 does that make me a horrible person!?!?! eek! this has always been an anonymous blog! hah

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  14. Yeah, falling asleep before a date 😞, sounds like an excuse to me personally, but since he did it again you are in your rights to give up on him for someone else. Dating is mostly weeding out the bad apples. Eventually you’ll come across a good one.

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    1. Thank you friend, yeah – I’m pretty forgiving and easy going, but this was just….enough is enough. That’s great advice. thank you for the encouragement ! hugs xo

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    1. thank you 🙂 yeah – I felt like Arianna Grande in her “Thank you, next!” song hahahaha I appreciate your encouraging words! hugs xo

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  17. My poetry book coming out admit something about about me that I NEVER thought I would admit. I finalized it last night and was like, “Do I really want to put this out there…am I going to embarrass myself?” Then I come on here and see this and realize this is WHY we right. To show folks they aren’t alone. Reading your post, though about different things, reminded me of why I am publishing the book. Thank you Caralyn for always providing quality content!

    Your ending by the way – beautiful!! Loved that last paragraph!!

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    1. Thank you Shell – I really appreciate that. You’re so right! This is why! Excited to see your finished book!!! 🙂 big hugs to you xoxo

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  18. You’re a strong person, so feel sorry for him. He doesn’t recognize a quality product when he sees it so for the rest of his life he’s going to have to have second best, or maybe third best. Well, you get the drift. 🙂

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  22. I have been where you have been many times. They say it will not happen again. the truth is that they are not telling the truth. They never planned on being there in the first place. You are a great lady who deserves a great man.

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  24. Oh, geez, this guy sounds like a loser. My best guess is that he lost interest in you and didn’t know how to say as much. His loss!! Anyone who can’t respect you enough to communicate is beneath you! I’m still holding out hope that God will find both you and me wonderful men!! 🙂

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    1. Thank you Meg for your encouraging words. Yeah, you must be right- or he met someone else! thanks for stopping by! hugs xo

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  25. Glad your getting out there. Your well on your way to a great guy, being open to opportunities and potential. It will probably be someone your surprised by that you end up with so stay open. Gods ways are higher than ours!

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    1. Thank you Lisa, I appreciate your encouragement. I love that idea – someone i’m surprised by! hugs xox

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  26. Sounds like you dodged a bullet! 😉 You’re lovely in many ways, and I have no doubt the right one will simply adore and respect you. A good relationship is worth waiting for…worth fighting for! Take it from me, I promise what God has in store is worth whatever it takes to get there!

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    1. thank you so much for your support and encouragement. you’re right – it is worth waiting and fighting for! hugs xox

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  27. Wow…I’m so sorry girlie you got stood up, TWICE. How MESSED UP!!! If anything, as much as technology seems to run our lives, I would think that he would have a few reminders set for the date. We can remember to bring our phones to the restroom but can’t remember to go on a date???? Whatever the excuse is… I’M NOT BUYING IT.
    Continue to seek The Lord in finding the special man for you. He is faithful. In fact, pray your way through even dating the next lucky bachelor. May your dating venture be purposeful and blessed, gorgeous!

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    1. Thank you so much Lindsey for your kind words and encouragement. haha so true!! Amen – pray my way through – that’s a beautiful thought! big hugs xox

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    1. Haha thank you 🙂 he doesn’t know what the blog is called so I highly doubt it! I sure hope he doesn’t! Haha thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  29. Nice to see someone as nice as you get stood up twice…..sends a message to all those out there that anybody can get stood up! I see it a different way sometimes – guys run from a women who is too strong, cannot be manipulated, or is just too good for them. They go looking for targets that will make them feel superior or selfishly feed their egos all the while telling themselves fictions. Probably not this guy – though you never know. Man I loved the door shot – who would not want a key to those doors!
    Anyway – trust and discern with God.

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    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement. You’re right -trust and discern with God!! Hugs and love xox

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  30. “When people show you who they are, believe them.” What a great quotation!

    More and more I sound like an old man, but I can’t help it…KIDS THESE DAYS!!! Whether in personal life or business I find myself constantly astounded at the rudeness and outright idiocy of the youngsters I encounter. No one is interested in the future. Everyone is interested in “me punching my ticket and moving on to greatness.”

    Mr. Rude isn’t thinking that you might be the one that got away. He might not be old enough to know that “The Whirligig of time brings in its revenges.” Thank you Mr. Shakespeare. Julie and I have marveled at how people reap what they sow.

    Therein lies part of your answer. Not promoting vindictiveness here, but you can take some satisfaction in knowing that justice always has the last word. Knowing that I’ve been less than stellar in all of my dealings keeps me from rubbing my hands in delight, but I do take comfort in knowing that people who are intentionally harmful will be subject to justice in some way.

    You, my friend, are the flip side of that coin. Yes, I know you were not a nice person during your anorexia, but you have repented, are forgiven, and now brighten the lives of so many of us! That too will receive what is just.

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    1. Haha thank you Jeff. There’s a lot of truth here. the flip side of the coin – I am so touched by that. And I am embracing that more and more every day. Especially because it has brought me to where I am today. And gosh, you’re kind to say that. Thank you, Jeff. Thanks for brightening my day!! Grateful for your friendship. Hugs and love to you and Julie! xox

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  31. Little relief tho it may be to a woman scorned, I offer these two poems to fortify your conscience.

    Joaquin Miller – Columbus

    Brave Admiral, say but one good word:
    What shall we do when hope is gone?”
    The words leapt like a leaping sword:
    “Sail on! sail on! sail on! and on!”

    Rudyard Kipling – The Female of the Species

    Man’s timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
    For the Woman that God gave him isn’t his to give away;
    But when hunter meets with husbands, each confirms the other’s tale—
    The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

    Best of luck to you, and God Bless.

    AMDG
    -Scoot

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  32. Sorry about that my friend. As for me it has been so long since I’ve been on the “dating” scene I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to do it. I’ve been married for 25 years but due to my being away due to my military obligations I’m not sure we will make it to 26. I have no desire to even think about that what ifs. I’ve got 6 more months until I get to come home for good and I pray that my wife and I can reconnect after 2 years away. May your week ahead be blessed my friend.

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    1. Thank you friend for your encouraging words. I will definitely be praying for your and your wife. 25 years is a lot of life and love lived together. That’s beautiful. I prayer that it is a smooth transition and reconnection. And thank you for your service to our country!!! Hugs and love xox

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  33. I cannot believe this! What is wrong with this guy? He’s beyond rude, he’s DC dumb, dumb DUMB! You deserve far better than this and I hope and pray for God’s perfect plan to unfold in your life.

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  35. ” When people show you who they are, believe them.” Going to remember that one. Caralyn, Like several others have already said, I would be ticked off too. Toads come in all shapes and sizes. Sorry you have had to deal with this toad.

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      1. I saw stuff like this happen to one of my daughters…(over the top disrespect) .Won’t go into it here, but I can just about guess how your dad was feeling..

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    1. Thank you friend – that’s a really great way to look at it! Better sooner rather than later!! Hugs and love xox

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  37. Well he’s missing out, and yes you definitely deserve better than that. Good for you for having the wisdom to shut that door and opening your eyes to what God is showing you. He has big plans for you and when Mr Right walks into your life it will be well worth the wait. Until then, be patient and continue to stay true to yourself 💕🙏🏼

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    1. Thank you Lisa, I appreciate your kindness. I believe He’s definitely got a good plan! Patience is the hard part! Haha Hugs and love xox

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  38. Guys are such idiots. Why would anyone ditch their chance with you? He’s a dolt, a miscreant, a child. Oh well, like you said, it wasn’t meant to be. When I look back at my life, I see God’s work too. At the time though, it is so very frustrating.

    Good luck with the next dude!

    Reid

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  39. Oh girl. I’m a 26 single Catholic girl who knows the struggle. The dating scene is a hot mess these days to say the least. And after many frogs I am finally at a point of peace where my devotion is now focused on Him. I resisted for so long and so badly wanted a husband but now I know that I HAVE to have better standards. God is asking me to be patient and also to say no to several men and be picky. Stay strong. I’m in Kansas and its not easy so I can only imagine if NYC how difficult it would be. Pray and give it to God, lady. You are to smart for anything less than what God has in store for you.

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    1. A HOT MESS. Thanks Allison, so true – patience can be so difficult! Yes! Praying for you on your journey! God’s preparing our men right now! Haha Hugs and love xox

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  41. @ the #livid never in a million years would I have guessed that. Just from the picture id say is she trying to smile at me ahould i smile back…
    Gussing your mood from your expression is lose 100% of the time haha.

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    1. Ahaha oh yeah that’s my – I cannot believe you just did that and I’m ticked look!! Thanks friend. Hugs and love xox

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  42. Clearly, he’s a moron. Love your attitude, though. God’s preparing someone out there for you. Someone who will actually be worthy of the awesome person He’s made you to be.

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    1. Thanks friend – I do believe that with my whole heart: God’s in control! Thanks for your support. Hugs and love xox

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  43. Oh girl. You deserve MrGoesAllOut not THAT guy. Dating is so hard. I’ve had some tears and disappointments in dating lately. Sigh.
    Let’s pray for each other.
    Hugs and so much love.
    -Melissa

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    1. Mr. Goes All Out! Haha love it!! Thanks so much Melissa! I’m sorry you can so personally relate. Amen to that! I will absolutely keep you and our future men in my prayers! Hugs and love xox

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  44. Huge thanks for sharing that. Not a lot of people would have put it back out with so much honesty. Sigh, another guy us “good guys” would like to disavow. Tell you what, I’m going to concentrate all my thoughts and send him a cosmic flick to the nuts. You’re welcome!

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  45. Dating can be so frustrating (I’ve been there). I see how this would have been disappointing and upsetting. If he has a cell phone, it is hard to understand why he would not call, text, or even set an alarm. Best wishes!

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    1. Thanks Marcelo – it sure can. Thanks for your support and encouragement. Yeah, super disappointing!! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thanks Kevin. Haha yeah a Texas cowboy certainly wouldn’t have pulled a stunt like that! Hugs and love xox

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  49. I am so impressed how you are able to see through the angst and turn it over to God. You are strong and I am wondering if I can be as strong to turn over my angst to God. Thank you for sharing your rare emotions and seeing how God can be there all along.

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    1. Thanks Susan, i really appreciate your kind words. Oh yes – He is always always there! Hugs and love xox

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  50. Pardon my candor…but he must have a serious malfunction. I hope for his sake he’s in a hospital with a concussion…that would justify not following through with you.
    You are a fine young woman with a good grasp on things…not as common as you might think.
    What young men don’t see…

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    1. Haha awww thank you friend. I really appreciate your support and kind words. It means a lot. Hugs and love xox

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