I Got Stood Up – TWICE

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Well, this is embarrassing.

I was stood up. TWICE. Two weekends in a row…by the same guy.

Now, let me clarify — It wasn’t some stranded-at-a-restaurant-alone situation, like a scene out of an early 2000s rom-com.

No, it was a we-made-plans-to-go-out-on-Saturday-night, -and-then-he-never-followed-through situation.

And this happened two weekends in a row.

#livid

The first weekend – he said he fell asleep. Which – you know what…Fine. I have an older sibling who’s a hardworking doctor, and is so sleep deprived that he often times will fall asleep within 90 seconds of sitting down on a couch. Mr. Stood Me Up Twice works at a high-stakes job in NYC – I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I gave him some grace.

Well, this weekend…Saturday night rolls around, we had planned on going out all week. I had gotten a manicure, got my glam on with a great outfit, perfume, makeup, everything — 6pm…7pm…8pm… crickets.

I am just — baffled.

And I’m not dense. I’m not naive that — despicably — most guys have several girls on their “roster” that they’re actively dating in the beginning stages of getting to know a person. Sadly, that’s just the name of the game these days, especially in NYC.

But this guy and I – we’d been out on three dates. He seemed to be really into me…just…bad at dating.

And so, finally…after allowing myself to, admittedly be strung along now for far too long, I am going to respect myself and walk away.

Because I deserve better than that.

I mean, for crying out loud, at the bare minimum, I deserve a text that you’re canceling on me!!

I was pissed.

And yesterday, I took a walk to blow off some steam, and I was reflecting on the fact that – wow, I have been stood up twice. Frankly, if I’m being really honest, it was a bit of a blow to the ego. I feel a little gross admitting, but I never thought that I would be stood up once, let alone, twice.

I mean, I just believe that people are better than that! And maybe that’s a fault.

But I was thinking about it, and it hit me: When people show you who they are, believe them.

I don’t have many bad experiences with people — as a Strong Two on the Enneagram Scale (aka a desperate People Pleaser who’s deepest desire is to be loved) my interactions are 99.9% favorable. But hey, as the former president of a sorority, let’s just say, I’ve seen some things.

But in those rare occasions where I’ve been hurt, or taken advantage of, or simply just left with a bad taste in my mouth about a person — looking back, those behavior patterns were evident all along, I was just choosing to overlook them.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

But I think the biggest takeaway for me was that, God is working.

God is orchestrating exactly where I am, who I’m meeting, what is happening. God is in control. And perhaps God wanted to show me that, frankly, there are some frogs out there. Perhaps God was trying to show me characteristics that I don’t want in my potential husband. Perhaps God was trying to teach me that I need to stand up for myself and demand bare minimum respect and courtesy. There’s no time to waste with someone who’s not respecting you.

I do believe that God has a good plan for me. If I’m being really super brutally honest, I think I still have a long way to go before I’m truly ready to bring someone into my life, and share with them all of my imperfections and the broken past from which –by God’s grace– I’ve overcome. And I think all these experiences are just evidence of Him working on my heart, so I that I am ready to fully let someone in.

And I trust that, God is working on my future husband’s heart too.

I can’t rush God. I’ve got to just keep putting myself out there, open to whomever God brings into my life.

Which is why, I’m going out with another handsome bachelor on Wednesday. 🙂

Oh, and if for some crazy reason Mr. Stood Me Up Twice is reading this…a) Welcome to my secret blog. And b) The men in my family have a few choice words for you, sir.

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382 thoughts on “I Got Stood Up – TWICE”

  1. Definitely his loss…he can’t get it together enough to be a gentleman. You will find better!

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    1. Thanks Stephanie, i really appreciate your encouraging words. A gentleman! Yes! That’s what I’m looking for! Hugs and love xox

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      1. They do still exist, they are just really tough to get to come out in the open

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    1. thanks friend, yeah – everyone in my family, and my friends – they were all pretty up in the bit about it too. Choice words to say the least! i appreciate your support! hugs xox

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  3. I hope this doesn’t sound harsh but maybe focus on someone just to hang out with or just as a boyfriend. As my mom might have said, “You’re thinking too hard”.
    My wife came out of left field. I wasn’t looking for her yet she showed up, presumably when God decided she should. And that was a decade before His grace was amazing to me.

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    1. Thank you Janis – that is really great advice. that puts too much pressure on it! And thanks for sharing your story – God is always at work! hugs xo

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  4. You are absolutely right, better to stand up for your diginity. you deserve some real man who will respect you.
    And always remember, you’re screening these guys for someone who will love you forever, in good times and bad and especially should you start a family, you’ll need a true man.

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    1. thank you Challen. I really appreciate your support and encouraging words. That’s such a powerful reminder!!! hugs xox

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  5. It’s his loss and, by the sound of it, your blessing. Any guy that would not have gone out of his way to make up for it is best left alone. You’re right – God is working. Romans 8:28 says that He is working all things together for good to those who love Him, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Never forget that! God has a great man in store for you – one who chases after Him.

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    1. Thanks so much Matthew. I do believe that – that He’s working all things together for good! I appreciate the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

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  6. His loss, beautiful. If he is such a jerk for not showing up, you win and see his true colors up front. Praise God! Better awaits. Keep your beautiful chin up and beautiful heart beating for God! Love you, as always! XO 😄 ❤

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    1. Thank you so much Tonya – you’re right. Better to learn that now rather than later. I really appreciate your encouragement! Much love to you, dear friend! Xox

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      1. It is a blessing to see true colors up front than struggle for years with them. Truth! God has much better in store for you but as always knows the perfect timing for you both. No worries, precious friend. 😄❤

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      2. Amen – it’s all about the timing, and I trust that there is certainly a reason for why God is waiting. I will trust trust trust. Very grateful for your support and friendship 💛💛💛

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      3. Grateful for you. You help so many people by sharing your life’s journey and thoughts. Your vulnerability expresses your inner strength and trust in God beautifully. Thank you for writing. Means so much!

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      4. Gosh that is seriously such a kind thing to say. I am so touched!! 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

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      5. Just knew you needed some truth to counter this snub from an unworthy. Jerks are everywhere, God loves you through the protection He gives you, disguised in the world as a snub. God loves you too much to let a jerk get too close to you. 😄

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  7. Caralyn, so on the first time he missed, did he contact you to say your sorry or was it a response to your inquiry of where was he? On the second time, did he/has he ever gotten back to you – it did not sound like he did. On my worst date, I would never do that . . .that’s amazing he has twice. What about him made you like him – maybe it was the inevitable anyway. But, I want to say goodbye, I know it won’t go anywhere, but I always seem to say, well you never know, then bam, they say it won’t work out. Now I feel dejected, rejected but it was my idea first. LOL. Dating is dating, God will lead you to the one. Glad you took it with a smile, don’t let those who set out to hurt you hurt you. God Bless!!

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    1. Thank you so much 🙂 and no – radio silence. Just so disappointing. I so agree – God will lead me to Mr. Right!! Much love xox

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      1. You are and your not, but be careful, you are in New York, but something tells me you are a country girl at heart. Not a lot of country in the city, if you know what I mean. Big Bear hugs coming your way! !

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  8. You deserve better and he definitely did you a favor! However that was rude of him and he could have let you know he wasn’t coming. What’s wrong with people?? But oh well, we live and we learn. Its not the end of the world. The right guy will come along when you’re ready for him. Trust the process! God knows what you’re looking for

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    1. Thank you Lane 🙂 I really appreciate your support and encouragement! You’re so right – gotta trust the process! God is in control and He is a good good Father! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  9. When you start making excuses for him in the beginning,it can only go down hill. That’s his way of lowering your standard.Therefore you will expect less of him each and every time.So much so that when he simply shows up in the future you honey are just happy he is there. Yes his loss though you most likely don t feel like that now. But as they say ” beautiful girl he is just not that into you” Good though dont start lowering your standards .Good luck and do not ignore red flags

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    1. You’re so right about that. Gotta keep that standard high. Thanks so much for your support!! Hugs and love xox

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  10. I’ve dated a few toads but it was worse than being stood up. . I’ve written about it recently on my blog if you wanted to check it out. My advice is to give the right guys the time of day and give the wrong ones the flick. Time is precious, don’t waste yours on jerks

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    1. Thanks Kelly – I will definitely check that out. I really appreciate your advice. Very true! Hugs and love xox

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  11. “…high-stakes job in NYC…”
    Herein lies my question. Perhaps the individuals you are focusing on are not humble enough? Being too focused on the $$$ producing job, too focused on their penthouse, perhaps the focus is TOO materialistic?

    This is not a diss, just an observation from someone who has been in this realm for more than five decades. The characteristics you’re looking for in a husband, you might find those in a person with more humble surroundings. The glitz, the glamour and the $$$ lifestyle usually doesn’t lend itself to a sturdier Christian foundation, one meant to grow a family. Don’t be dazzled by the “ooo, shiny” personalities…look for the diamond in the rough that will stand the test of time. Take it from someone who has “been there, done that”. It’ll save you years of searching and heartache…humble is better than shiny.

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    1. Thank you for this powerful perspective, Lisa. Yeah, I actually am not really all that focused on those things. I think that, by nature — ANY job in NYC is a high stakes job, simply because NYC itself is a high stakes city. You’re right – there is so much more to life than $$$! Thanks so much for this wonderful wisdom! hugs and love xox

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  13. If it’s any consolation: I was set up for a blind date, one of the worst of my life, and one day later I met my husband and we’ve been together for 17 years! You never know what the universe holds — just keep the faith!

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    1. Oh my gosh what a story!! Thanks so much for sharing! So beautiful – gives me great hope! Congrats on 17 years! That’s really something to celebrate! Hugs and love xox

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  14. This post reminds me of recent conversations with my daughters. They’re both in their mid 20’s and in the dating scene. My oldest told me the other day that she knows she needs to date to find out what she does – and doesn’t – want in a future husband. Both of my girls figure if it doesn’t work out, he isn’t “the one” and it’s time to move on to find him. God does have a plan, and that’s what my mom told me when I was searching for Mr. Right 🙂 Hope you have a great time Wednesday!! xo

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    1. That’s such great advice. Thank you Jenny! I firmly believe that: that He has a plan! I just have to keep putting myself out there and be patient!! Best of luck to your daughters! It’s a jungle out there! I’ll keep them in my prayers for sure! Hugs and love xox

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      1. Thank you, I know they’d appreciate that! It’s tough out there. I pray every day that they’ll find the perfect guy for them. And they will, in God’s timing. And you will too Caralyn! I’ll pray for that for you❤️

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  18. Wow, I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Dating is so difficult in this modern age, and it doesn’t help that guys these days are so noncommittal. Just remember – you are worth it. Walk away from people who don’t appreciate your value.

    Sending hugs and love your way! 🙂

    • Katie

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    1. thank you so much Katie, yeah the noncommittal aspect is really annoying! thanks for the encouragement! hugs xo

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  19. “FELL ASLEEP?!” Are you kidding me?… If I were him, I’d me too excited to sleep. OK.. you gave him the benefit of a doubt. But what was the excuse the 2nd time? Did he even bother to give an explanation?… Mr. “Stood me up twice” must be kicking himself right now. .
    I suppose after the 3rd date, he must have thought the relationship is sure and become complacent OR, he’s got another girl in the running and he completely forgot about the plans he made with you.

    The part you mentioned about guys having many girls on the line in the beginning stages of dating. If girls know this, then why do they get upset if a guy mentions that he is meeting another person?
    If I was dating someone and I was going to meet another girl, I would be completely open and honest about it. However a friend of mine said that it was a bad idea to do so. He said that since there are no real commitments made at that stage, then there is no need and being completely open would be rather confusing…
    To be honest, I’m rather confused myself right now… I always felt that honesty was the best policy, however it seems that not so in the dating scene. Its a game and you got to be a player.
    Kind of affirms my stance in saying, “Girls Don’t Like Nice Guys” for most part, ‘cuz we’re not players.

    I wish Mr. “Wednesday” best of luck and I hope he realizes how blessed he is to have a shot with you.

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    1. Oh gosh, thank you friend. You brought a smile to my face. Yeah – I think you’re right – probably just met someone else! it really is a conundrum with the whole dating scene. so confusing! hugs xo

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      1. If he met someone else, the right thing to do is to tell you without keeping your hopes up.. Or was he just stringing you along just in case the other one didn’t work out.
        If that was the case, then he was just not into you and you were just a fall-back. That’s just disrespectful IMO.
        I’ll tell you what Caralyn.. if I’m still single when I turn 40, you and I can give it a shot.. LOL.

        I hope everything goes well with Mr. Wednesday.

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  20. I can relate with this blog post. I’m even amazed you shared it here.🙂 Such boldness.

    Sweetheart, let no man treat you like trash. You matter. You are special.

    God is interested in your love story. One day, your man will come in through the doors, realise your worth and never leave.

    Keep being you.

    Keep following after Christ.

    He will fix your love story.

    You are amazing.😘😘

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  21. My dear friend

    Yes, it is God who brings a couple together and such a holy sacrament cannot be forced. Often it is by “chance” that a woman and a man come together and sometimes only a twinkle of an eye is enough “to know each other” – to know this is the right one. Of course we have to go through experiences and learn from them as well. You are a wonderful woman and may God bring you the right person by your side.

    It is good that you always analyze the situations this will enrich your heart too.

    From heart to heart
    Didi

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    1. Thank you Didi for this beautiful encouragement. you’re so right – I firmly believe God will bring that right man into my life. big hugs xox

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  22. You are do right about deserving better! This is one of the differences between a boy and a man; a man will make plans with you and follow through.

    I’d have some choice words for the boy, too…

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  23. Do try to stop trying and do let God act.
    He knows exactly where you are and will send what and who you need. He has plans not so discernible but very real.
    God bless you.

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  26. Love your writing style. Very engaging from the start. Keep it up. P.s soz you had to go through that (twice). But like you say, God’s got a bigger plan for us. We just can’t see the full picture from his perspective.

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  27. So, that was God’s ‘no’ 😊 for you. It’s so easy to look past the red flags. I know I do and after I’m like “hello!”.

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    1. You’re right – haha exactly. It’s like – hello, they were plain as day all along!! haha thanks for stopping by and for the encouragement! hugs xo

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  28. You may have tried this already to test or try to see if the guy fits your profile, if not within the first 5 or 10 minutes of the first convo mention God or Jesus. Like I’m blessed or I thank the Lord, etc. Watch their reaction and judge from that point if they are worthy of you & your faith.

    Scripture only restricts interfaith marriages, not racial, not that thats an issue, but your faith should be and is probably the first criteria to determine compatibility.

    Just a thought, God Bless & good luck.

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  29. Sorry to hear that, but at least you discovered his true colors! I’ve been out of the dating scene for quite some time, but it’s quite ruthless in NYC. I was wondering – would you ever date someone that had a different vision of a higher power? (Obv asking for a friend hahah)

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    1. thanks friend – you’re right about that – better sooner rather than later! That’s a great question – and to be one hundred percent honest, faith is a deal breaker for me. I believe that the best relationships and marriages have their foundation in Christ. I want to have that bond between us, and be able to raise a family in the same faith, so unfortunately, it’s a nonnegotiable for me! hugs xox

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  30. Great post! This would definitely be a great read for others in your situation. People take being stood up to heart. You didn’t let it destroy you and that is fabulous! I can’t wait to hear about Mr. Wednesday! 😉

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  31. There is a great dating book:He’s Just Not THAT into You. It’s from a guy’s perspective.
    Some men are cowards. They cannot tell a woman they don’t want to date them so they behave badly. The excuse is, ‘I don’t want to be the bad guy’. The reality is, they are too immature to do anything difficult or uncomfortable, they do not care about other people’s feelings, they are too lazy to make an effort. I feel for you. I hated dating. It was horrible. I stopped dating, started courting and found my husband. I told ALL my friends and family that i was looking for a husband and to set me up with men looking for a wife. No more dating. The difference is both subtle and profound. Yes, there will be man-boys who will try and challenge your boundaries. Don’t give them a second chance. Have a mindset of an employer. You are ‘interviewing’ men to fill a once in a life time position: that of Husband and all that that word means to you. Serious applicants only need apply. You own no one an explanation, a second chance, a free ride for sleeping in and standing you up. It’s ok to stand your ground. Good for you for walking away from this one.

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    1. Thanks Melissa – i will defintiely have to download that book and give it a read. And thank you for sharing your story. Courting – i like that. Such great advice! thank you!! hugs xo

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    1. Thank you so much Heather, that’s a really powerful way to look at it! i appreciate it!! 🙂 hugs xo

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  34. Ouch…what a jerk 😦 At least have some decency and show up when you say you are going to, or just don’t make plans! Sorry you had to go through this, but you are definitely looking at it the right way. Let God use this to help you grow and better prepare you for Mr. Right. When it happens, you’ll know. We are all here rooting for you! I especially love your last line….I hope he never does runs into any of the men in your family, lol! God Bless!

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    1. Thanks friend – yeah, it was pretty disappointing. And you’re right – God’s preparing Mr. Right’s heart and my heart! hahah I sure hope so too!!! 🙂 hugs xox

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  35. When I lived in LA (another big city), dating was the worst. But I have to say the same thing happened in which I felt odd that a guy suddenly felt sick but my friends told me it was ok and I need to relax and trust. So, eventually we get together and he ghosts me after that. I was mortified! The same week, another guy from my past came back but was engaged with a baby on the way. I was wondering why God was having me go through this as I’m moving to Charlotte, starting over. But it all makes sense now. I’m starting to date a great guy who also is in a good place. I think it matters that both of you are in a good place (so timing) and all of our fears are realized so we can: 1. Realize we deserve more than that BS 2. We can appreciate a good thing when it comes along 3. We can work through our past issues and fears that may have been buried underneath everything
    I still get nervous but that’s what friends and God are for! 🙂 I will say that being ghosted after committing to someone and seeing a man I thought I would marry come back in my life were too big things holding me back. God’s timing is perfect. I don’t think I would’ve been as open to this new guy had that not happened (even though it sucks and we all deserve better than those yucky guys). I see great things ahead for you!! Keep going ❤️

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    1. Hi Christy! Thank you so much for sharing your story! Gosh, i’m sorry you had to go through that in LA – I feel like, especially in these big cities where it’s easy to be anonomyous, and unlike a smaller town where everybody knows everybody’s business, guys think it’s okay to ghost or worse. But I’m SO excited for you that you’ve found a great guy in Charlotte!! This is such great advice- I really appreciate it 🙂 I will keep you and your new relationship in my prayers!! big hugs xo

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  37. I feel ya! In the months before I met my husband, I dated around (while being totally up front with the guys about it). Back to back, I had a guy tell me he didn’t want to pursue even a casual relationship with me since I would not have sex with him (though, to his credit, he was surprisingly gentle about it), and another guy who, like your aforementioned dude, kept standing me up. There were a couple other colorful characters peppered in there, but you get the idea. Basically, there are a lot of women who have been and are in the trenches with you. It stinks, but it doesn’t last forever.

    It’s like I read in my daily devotional yesterday: God is never late, but He’s also never early; He’s right on time.

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    1. Hi Monica, thank you so much for sharing your story. Oh gosh, I’m sorry you were shown that disrespect – not cool!! So glad you found your prince! 🙂 Oh I love that so much – He’s never late or never early. right on time. I’m going to keep that with me in my heart — so comforting. i appreciate you sharing that with me. big hugs xox

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  38. My favorite quote here is, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” As Christians we know what God can do in their lives, but as far as getting into a relationship with someone goes, let’s just say it’s better for God to bring them a little closer to his image before we dive in and get over our heads. So, from a mother and grandmother perspective, good for you!

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    1. Hi Bonnie! Thank you so much for your encouragement! You’re so right about that – God always knows what He’s doing, and sometimes it’s for our protection. hugs xo

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  40. Great interpretation of life’s circumstances! You are in His grip…but sometimes waiting in faith is the hardest part.

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  43. He’ll come when you’re not looking. He won’t come when we’re actively searching. Surrendering yourself to God is so powerful – we want to feel like we are in control, but sometimes we have very little control over fate. God decides when the time is right. Dating sites can be both good and bad – plenty of frogs there too. Idk if you use a dating site or not but my friend is going thru a very similar situation (she hasn’t gone on an IRL date yet but is trying to connect with guys) and gets a lot of frogs as well…. I tell her patience. It will happen when it’s meant to happen.

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  44. Don’t worry. It was his loss. The least he could have done was sent a text. There’s no excuse this time around. He wasted your time but like you mentioned God isn’t finished with you yet. Hold on. Look to the hills because God is surely bringing the right person your way. He alone is Faithful 🙏🏿. Great post 👍🏾😊

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  45. Ah! Whoever that loser is, Caralyn, he not only has to watch out for the men in your family. How about that young lady with her finger pointing, saying, “You’re in big trouble mister.” That is who he better watch out for.

    That person, certainly was not the man for you, Caralyn. God, in His wisdom, has your life in His hands now, as well as the “gentleman” who will be waiting for you as you walk down the aisle.

    Each day is a day of preparation for the two of you. Preparation for the ministry you will be working in together.

    Scripture says:
    Ecclesiastes 4:12
    12 Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
    A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

    Caralyn + God’s chosen man + Holy Spirit is a three strand cord not quickly broken, in serving Jesus Christ, King of kings together.

    God’s Abundant Blessings Caralyn.
    Luv, 😀🌹❤️😘

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    1. Thanks George, I so appreciate this encouragement. And what a comforting verse! It really puts things in perspective. Thanks for sharing it with me! Hugs and love xox

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  46. When God says “No” to something we want or hoped for, we should not be mad or frustrated. His NOs are always a prelude to the YES — the bigger blessings He had saved and crafted especially for us.

    Hence, he is a big NO. Lol.

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    1. Thank you Tina, I appreciate your encouragement. Amen! He’s crafted a good plan for us! Hugs and love xox

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  48. Look at how beautiful you are, within and without. I’m not saying you’re perfect though, neither am I…but one thing I so much know we have in common is that we have same perfect savior. So keep it rolling…soon we’ll breakthrough.

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    1. Oh my gosh thank you friend for your kind words. Amen! Jesus is perfect! And so is His timing! Hugs and love xox

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  49. You have given me a opening to go kick a little Butt for you. You are so open that there may be a little fear factor looming in the back of the room. This is not a negative and you may want to make yourself aware. For whatever reason, this guy’s problem is that he has no sense of guidance. You continue, overcome the hurt, and use the time (wasted) with the upper hand. The best to you and find blessings.

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