I Got Stood Up – TWICE

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Well, this is embarrassing.

I was stood up. TWICE. Two weekends in a row…by the same guy.

Now, let me clarify — It wasn’t some stranded-at-a-restaurant-alone situation, like a scene out of an early 2000s rom-com.

No, it was a we-made-plans-to-go-out-on-Saturday-night, -and-then-he-never-followed-through situation.

And this happened two weekends in a row.

#livid

The first weekend – he said he fell asleep. Which – you know what…Fine. I have an older sibling who’s a hardworking doctor, and is so sleep deprived that he often times will fall asleep within 90 seconds of sitting down on a couch. Mr. Stood Me Up Twice works at a high-stakes job in NYC – I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I gave him some grace.

Well, this weekend…Saturday night rolls around, we had planned on going out all week. I had gotten a manicure, got my glam on with a great outfit, perfume, makeup, everything — 6pm…7pm…8pm… crickets.

I am just — baffled.

And I’m not dense. I’m not naive that — despicably — most guys have several girls on their “roster” that they’re actively dating in the beginning stages of getting to know a person. Sadly, that’s just the name of the game these days, especially in NYC.

But this guy and I – we’d been out on three dates. He seemed to be really into me…just…bad at dating.

And so, finally…after allowing myself to, admittedly be strung along now for far too long, I am going to respect myself and walk away.

Because I deserve better than that.

I mean, for crying out loud, at the bare minimum, I deserve a text that you’re canceling on me!!

I was pissed.

And yesterday, I took a walk to blow off some steam, and I was reflecting on the fact that – wow, I have been stood up twice. Frankly, if I’m being really honest, it was a bit of a blow to the ego. I feel a little gross admitting, but I never thought that I would be stood up once, let alone, twice.

I mean, I just believe that people are better than that! And maybe that’s a fault.

But I was thinking about it, and it hit me: When people show you who they are, believe them.

I don’t have many bad experiences with people — as a Strong Two on the Enneagram Scale (aka a desperate People Pleaser who’s deepest desire is to be loved) my interactions are 99.9% favorable. But hey, as the former president of a sorority, let’s just say, I’ve seen some things.

But in those rare occasions where I’ve been hurt, or taken advantage of, or simply just left with a bad taste in my mouth about a person — looking back, those behavior patterns were evident all along, I was just choosing to overlook them.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

But I think the biggest takeaway for me was that, God is working.

God is orchestrating exactly where I am, who I’m meeting, what is happening. God is in control. And perhaps God wanted to show me that, frankly, there are some frogs out there. Perhaps God was trying to show me characteristics that I don’t want in my potential husband. Perhaps God was trying to teach me that I need to stand up for myself and demand bare minimum respect and courtesy. There’s no time to waste with someone who’s not respecting you.

I do believe that God has a good plan for me. If I’m being really super brutally honest, I think I still have a long way to go before I’m truly ready to bring someone into my life, and share with them all of my imperfections and the broken past from which –by God’s grace– I’ve overcome. And I think all these experiences are just evidence of Him working on my heart, so I that I am ready to fully let someone in.

And I trust that, God is working on my future husband’s heart too.

I can’t rush God. I’ve got to just keep putting myself out there, open to whomever God brings into my life.

Which is why, I’m going out with another handsome bachelor on Wednesday. 🙂

Oh, and if for some crazy reason Mr. Stood Me Up Twice is reading this…a) Welcome to my secret blog. And b) The men in my family have a few choice words for you, sir.

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382 thoughts on “I Got Stood Up – TWICE”

  2. Hahaha….love this post, my friend. I find it hard to digest that someone could do that to you… but then I am a firm believer that sometimes what happens is for the best…and your guy, when you have to meet him, even before you call him yours…will be there at your door, five minutes early than one minute late. Take care and best wishes!

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  5. Everything has a season. In God’s time things will happen and it will happen for you. You are right you are better than waiting for some guy who doesn’t respect you enough to even text you which I feel is disrespectful by the way instead of a phone call. It will come and it will be right. Blessings

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    1. that is such great advice, thank you Corrie. And so true – God’s timing is everything! I really appreciate the encouragement! 🙂 big hugs to you xxoo

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      1. I mean, there’s a lot of crappy rules. Three real dates, fourth one slumber party. You also mentioned you both expressed an interest but were dating other people? Very, high school. Hard to imagine long term with someone when there’s other someones. That’s my biggest Bachelor gripe.

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      3. Do you know? You mentioned that’s normal for NYC. I was thinking, it was a binary trait. I agree about, the ego but disagree it’s like a self esteem thing, right? Ego, stands next to you. The shell, self esteem is the spirit, who we are.

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      5. Ego is just a shell. It’s why it’s fragile. Self esteem is the perception of the ego. That’s why I said it’s inside us. They are separate parts of how we see ourselves and what we show everyone. I know, you mentioned codependency, just trying to help (probably badly) to differentiate the ego and self esteem. Since, self esteem has a strong relation to codependency.

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      6. Thanks for the clarification. Also – What’s codependency? Haha I never mentioned it!

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      7. You mentioned you were reading a book on codependency when we talked in the cuffing season post. It’s a strange limitation, if you have low self esteem and maybe this guy is so great with a nice job or looks then you are validating your worth through him. Also, not having someone is rare as the constant need for validation through attention remains. I mean, it fits and it’s also pretty normal but it’s really reaching for something that will never exist. Especially for the partner.

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      11. It’s not being shallow. I’d tell you. I think, if being with someone makes me feel less whole than the person I found being alone. I shouldn’t be there. Whatever, that type of love that is being offered. Codependency, feels like the reverse. I have to guess. I have to please. It’s my fault for trying. It’s just my, fault. That’s, not love but is what we call, love in popular culture.

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      12. Ahhhh ok. Thank you for going into more detail. It’s true – pop culture love is so so skewed in today’s world.

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      13. But, now we’re getting somewhere. What is built by your industry reinforces the need for women to pursue this as the only relationship. Especially, targeting women with already low self esteem. In a culture, that women have accepted as a normal place, with low self esteem.

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      14. Ok. And just to clarify: I don’t have low self esteem. I have come a long way in my recovery – thanks be to God.

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      15. Would you have waited if esteem was not partly the issue after being “stood up?” I bring, boring books on dates. If they don’t show, I’m still eating. 😁 If they do show, I appear very smart.

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      16. I wasn’t waiting at the restaurant. He just never followed up with our plans. So I was home. Nice touch with the book

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      17. I know you weren’t waiting at a restaurant. Its where I get stood up. Thanks for thinking about, me. 🙄 😂

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      21. Hm. In high school, we had bubbles around us that made us arrogant. The jock. The theater nerd. The artist. The regular nerd. This, is not high school anymore so we must turn that arrogance into real confidence. Be confident. They don’t deserve you. You are beautiful. Be beautiful and confident.

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  9. Amen sister! Walk away. I love how you share about God working in your life. He does have a plan for you!
    And news flash- God is not finished with any of us yet! You may be further along than you think! Don’t be so hard on yourself thinking you need to be at a certain place BEFORE you’re married. Some of God working in us is in our marriage, and WHEN we are married.
    Have a great date tomorrow night and be blessed! Feel the freedom to be you.

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    1. Thanks friend – that’s so true! He’s always at work!! Thanks for this awesome advice 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  10. He he at your last sentence. Now that I am married, I can look back at my failed dating experiences in perfect hindsight. Yes, Everything we go through in life is Orchestrated by God to get us to the good plan He has in store for us. In your case, an amazing husband. I’m glad you got to this point of realization soon. A responsible man would call you immediately he knows he can’t make it and not keep you waiting like that. A responsible and mature man would be honest with you upfront. Obviously hope u remember that when u do eventually marry he will Also disappoint…but awesome fact Is that we know a heavenly Father who will never disappoint and loves u And I unconditionally

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    1. Thanks friend for your encouraging words. You’re right – God orchestrates everything! Such great advice. Thank you friend. Hugs and love xox

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  12. You’re so beautiful. You don’t deserve such kind of treatment. I believe God sets standards of love by how He holds us down and loves us, therefore there must be someone out there who is approved by Him.

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  13. Sorry about that. But it’s good to see that you found GOD’s plan in the whole situation. Thank you for sharing…

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  14. I sort of know how you feel. I sent a message to a guy and he didn’t even answer back. I gave it a week then deleted him.
    I was taught that a real man will not only open your door but also open his Bible.
    It’s good that you look to God and remember that he has good plans for you.

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  16. That ego blow… I get it. If everyone deserves a second chance (not something I’d automatically grant, to be honest), Mr.-Stand-You-Up-Twice has exhausted his chances. Wow. Dating seems disproportionately difficult nowadays. I don’t envy you.

    But for what it’s worth, I join your ranks of loving fans who think anyone who stands you up is crazy.

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    1. Thanks Matt. Yeah it’s the Wild Wild West our there for sure. Hahahaha thanks – yeah I feel so blessed to have such great friends! Hugs and love xox

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  17. You have more patience than I do. I would not have given what’s-his-name a second chance. A date is something special, because you are something special. You should be of the utmost importance in your prospective date’s mind. Once, I messed up meeting someone because we were to meet on a corner and she went to the wrong one. I applaud your closing the door on this fellow, no matter how much fun he might have been on dates 1-3.
    Have a blessed day,
    Sandy

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  18. This is so sad to hear but is way too common these days. Just seems the current cultural climate is one where there is a lack of baseline respect for human life and other people’s time and efforts. Relationships are also not being respected with the rampant “hookup and swipe left” mindset we are being sucked into. Props to you my sister for taking it with much grace and poise. God is always on time.

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    1. thanks Laura Beth – yeah, definitely not the best feeling in the world! haha thanks for the pep talk! 🙂 hugs xo

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    1. You’re on a reading roll! Thanks for that. I do believe you are correct about that 🙂 thanks for your encouraging words! Hugs and love xox

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  23. I have been there! Never thought I would be but, tah-dah there I was sitting at home thinking sooooooooo um well I guess not then. I really thought he was a great guy but like you said when they show you believe it!!! Someone great or at least someone pretty close to great awaits us both! I have a new date tonight as well… Enjoy it and let it be what it is.

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    1. Thank you so much Latrice, for your kind words. I’m sorry you can so personally relate! amen to that! hugs xo

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  24. Gosh I love that “when people show you who they are believe them”. And I agree, to often we don’t get simple respect as…a human being. We have to decide we are worth more and they aren’t worth our time if they can so easily dial up disrespect to us.

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  26. I starred this article not because I ‘liked’ what happened to you but to let you know that I feel you. You don’t deserve what this dolt has done to you. If he has not enough sense to act like a gentleman, he does not deserve you.

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  27. Dude I’d love to say I trust you are putting God first when dating but just to make sure and reiterate and encourage. DON’T SETTLE. Number 1 advice: FIND SOMEONE EQUALLY YOKED as the Bible says. Just as fired up for GOD as you are! If he is Christian but not necessarily Catholic I’d say keep an open heart. That is your personal decision though. High paying jobs do absolutely not equate with character either. They are often a façade. LOOK at the HEART. A “wealthy guy” should not impress you if you are first looing for someone spiritually overflowing. It won’t mean a thing if they are “high class” if they are spiritually bankrupt. BLESS YOU SISTER

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    1. Hi AJ! thank you for this wonderful encouragement. you’re right – don’t settle! Love this advice so much – I really appreciate it!! 🙂 big hugs to you xox

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  28. I hope you are happy you were not trapped in a “modern arrangement” where you give up everything valuable to you for a quick and easy grifter.

    After three dates, he discovered you are real. A real virgin, looking for a marriage/life match. He did not even think how rare a jewel you are.

    You are new to this game, and different from the other players. You may need a finer filter to find a man who wants what you want.

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  32. You are so bold to share this online. 🙂 Yes, God has better plans! And it’s not you but him. Lol. I agree with the quote you posted, close doors that lead nowhere. 🙂 God bless!

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  36. Oh my goodness, I 100% relate to being the overly-forgiving people pleaser! It’s particularly hard in dating or any situation where you’re just getting to know someone and desperately want to believe that they are a GOOD person, but it’s true that we need to pay close attention to others’ behaviors. If he’s willing to disrespect your time in your heart at a time when he should be trying to make a good impression, you don’t even want to know what he’s like when he’s gotten comfortable. A mentor once told me to find a comfortable place between effort and ease…meaning, be proactive but also be patient. Your Prince Charming is out there! ❤

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    1. Thanks friend – yeah people pleasing is definitely a treacherous slope for me. Such great advice. Thank you friend. Hugs and love xox

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  37. I am sorry this happened to you at all; however I admire you for standing up, dusting yourself off, and realizing you are amazing and deserve the absolute best in your life! I wish you all the best! XX

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    1. Thank you so much Tammy, that really is such great advice. Thank you for your prayers! Hugs and love xox

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  39. Remember God has the controls, ask Him to put a Godly man in your life and you won’t have these issues. 12 years ago (without me asking or looking) He put Naida into my path and it has been a blessing since.

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    1. Amen to that! THat’s such a) truth and b) advice! Awww, what a beautiful love story! congrats on 12 years! hugs xox

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  41. Psalms 45:13
    “The king’s daughter is all glorious within: her clothing is of wrought gold.”
    Never forget who you are. You are the ‘King’s Daughter’. He won’t let just anybody come into your life. He has someone special. He is your protector.
    It is who you are within that is truly glorious; who your heavenly Father has made you to be. Though your clothing were made of gold, it would pale in comparison to the inner beauty God has established!
    Don’t ever sell yourself short!
    Sincerely,
    Ron Bouchard
    http://www.theburningheart.com
    P.S. Thank you so much for reading and liking my posts. That blesses me!

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  42. I love how straightforward you are with what you feel.😍
    Anyway, you deserve someone better than that insensitive guy.❤

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  43. You will meet the respectful guy who will make you happy beyond your dreams. I know you can only take so much advice because in the end, you make the decision of how worthy you are. Don’t base it on men who’s love who is not as perfect as God’s love.

    I pray that you will wait on God and trust Him. He will send a believer to you. Why should we be interested in someone who doesn’t feel the same way? Let him go.

    Best wishes!!

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  44. Great blog and post. Yip God will bring onto your path the right partner for you. As a former anorexic, perfectionist people pleaser, I’m with you! Now I realise that the only one I need or want to please is God. Blessings and love, Anita.

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  45. Thanks for liking my recent poem/post. I appreciated this blog entry! I agree 100 percent God is orchestrating. There is a brother in Christ out there (unless you’re open to marrying a nonbeliever), who is living out Matthew 6:33, advancing the Gospel, and expanding His kingdom for God’s glory.. who you’ll grow with!

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  46. Holiness grows through little mortifications. I heard a story of a successful farmer. He was asked the secret of his success. He answered, “I always get the weather I want.” The questioner wanted to know how that was possible. The farmer replied,”I want the weather that God wants, therefore I always get the weather I want.” The key is submitting your will to God’s. Peace of Jesus.

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    1. You’re so right about that David. That’s a great perspective to remember. Love the farmer quote!!! Hugs and love xox

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  47. That was really funny VERY SAD but you made it funny. Thanks for baring it all. I can’t believe that you got stood up TWICE. I think of you as a celebrity, so it’s unthinkable what happened to you. God certainly has a plan and I admire you so much that you have waited so very long. But so good for you. You won’t take second best. And I admire the comments about the inner brokenness. God bless your honesty and not trying to hide anything. Inspiring INSPIRING! As you heal you are helping me and people like me to heal too. THANK YOU BIG TIME.

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  48. Came across this post when I was on Google as I was stood up twice by a guy I’ve been chatting to online for quite a while now. We have never met but he initiated the dates. I’ve since unfollowed him on social media. I’d send him a snap to say I’m ready & he wouldn’t open it until a couple of days later. I have no time for disrespect and game players. Thank you for you post. It was a good read & you’re not alone ❤️

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    1. Hi Courtney! Oh gosh, I’m so sorry to hear that!! nooooo! ugh that’s terrible…this guy is seriously missing out. Sounds like he is playing games and majorly disrespecting you in the process. ONTO THE NEXT!! Thanks girl. Hang in there — it’s a jungle out there. And just as a follow up to that post…I ditched that guy ((he still watches all of my instagram stories, btw…)) but I’ve been in an incredible relationship for a year and a half with this amazing guy – he and I had been friends for seven years, but we had never been single at the same time. Well, fast forward to now, and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and frankly I feel sorry for the guy. One of my friends texted me the other day that she saw him on a dating app. Some guys will just never learn. Find you one that adores you! (And he might already be under your nose! ) 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      Like

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