2019: The Post-Christian Era?

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I have happened upon a very sobering trend here in the last few weeks.

As you may know, I have recently thrown my hat into the dating scene. And by that, I mean, diving head first into the deep end without water wings, or a contingency plan.

And so far – so good. Met some nice gentlemen. Met some…nice fellas but terrible daters...and let’s just say, it’s proving to be highly entertaining.

But in my quest for the spark to my fancy, I have come face to face with a startling reality that, I fear, is a precursor to the way of the future.

Go with me here…

Dating apps are evolving. They’re realizing that, as they’re becoming more widely used, people are now demanding more than just a catalogue of faces with a name, age and job title. Users want more information. So – thank goodness – the dating profile is expanding to show a bit more of a person’s personality. And many of the sites now feature “Religion” as one of the options, which – for a Jesus-loving girl like me, is the very first thing I check.

And friends, let’s just say that my field research…it’s taken the wind out of my sails.

Swipe after swipe…would you know that probably 50-60% of the profiles I swipe through list either Atheist or Agnostic as their religion?

Yeah – 3 out of 5 profiles.

Now, let me pause for a moment, and say that – I have nothing against people who are atheist or agnostic! A person’s religious beliefs are their own to make, and every person – no matter of religion, race, nationality, gender, or sexual orientation – is deserving of love and respect and kindness.

It’s just, for my husband-seeking purposes, being a fellow Christ-follower is a non-negotiable for me.

So understandably, I’m taking note of the discrepancy!

But 3 out of 5. I mean, it started out as a joke – How come all the hot guys don’t believe in God?!

But then it became — Oh wow, the majority of guys don’t believe in God.

And that, friends, was a sobering moment.

Now, let’s pause for a moment to recognize that I live in NYC, where – sure, it’s not the midwest or the Bible Belt. But, to be honest, I don’t think this trend of post-christian identity is specific to the Big Apple.

What happened, that people are more inclined to believe in a horoscope sign than our Heavenly Father?

But it’s true – at least in my generation, when it comes to religion, people are either None or Done: They want none of it, or they’re done with it.

Which, frankly, communicates to me that we, as a church family, have done a horrible job of making people feel welcome, feel accepted, feel heard, feel protected, feel not judged.

That’s on us, frankly. Because who wants to spend time in a community that makes you feel inadequate or sinful or ostracized.

But that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms. A post for a different day.

But all of this, illuminates that, we’re living in a society where, there is no “Capital T” Truth anymore. Everyone is entitled to have their own truth. The “My Truth” mindset has resulted in the dissolution of The Truth, and we wind up with 71 genders on Facebook as a result. #JustSayin

But what does this mean? Is the church going to have to go underground? Are people in the future going to have to worship from behind closed doors, streaming a speakeasy church service through their Apple TV from an encrypted dark web address?

How are we to navigate a society that no longer recognizes our place under God?

It’s going to take faith. A lot of it. A faith that can withstand persecution, ridicule, humiliation, and prejudice. A brave faith that refuses to back down in the face of unthinkable acts of religious violence and shootings.

It’s going to take strong communities and fortifying relationships.

And it’s going to take courage to live out our faith, in a none and done world.

So what does all this mean for my dating pursuits? Well, it just means that I’m going to have to just look harder. And perhaps, look elsewhere. And go where the Jesus-loving men hang out. Because they’re out there. They may be harder to find, but if there’s one thing I can bet the house on, it’s that God is in control.

And I can strive and search all I want, but at the end of the day, God is going to bring Mr. Right into my life. I am absolutely sure of that.

Sounds like I should actually be working on patience more than anything else.

What do you think? Have you noticed a similar trend in your area?

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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337 responses to “2019: The Post-Christian Era?”

  1. Yes! I gave up on online dating too. I live in the “bible belt” and it is still the same! Even if you do find a believer, it’s like a title…many don’t actually look any different from the world. I’m definitely leaving it up to God to make me visible to my husband in our day to day activity.

    Interesting post!

    • Thanks so much Stephanie, amen – let’s leave it up to the Father! 🙂 hugs xox

  2. Working with youth and young adults, I definitely see this trend and you hit the nail on the head when you said it’s our fault – at least more than not. Obviously some of this is just the Bible prophecy coming true but much of it, I believe, is because we (the church) have pushed people too far. We’ve said to them, essentially, that if you don’t look, dress, and talk like us then we don’t want you here. We’ve allowed our building to become social clubs worthy of campaigns while people within them suffer to get through the month with food. We’ve divided people within the church into various groups so there is no more fellowship as a whole – go to your specific group and learn how to be a better . We need to get back to the Bible, look at the Acts 2 church, and start repenting for how we’ve become a country club for the saved and not a place where the broken (of which many of us who are saved still are!), needy, hurt, and lost can come in at any moment and find Truth that will change their lives dramatically and fill the holes within their hearts. Some of which aren’t even known or seen!

    The other side of it is that with all the self-help out there, we’ve made it so clear that we can do this life without help, and when most Christians you see are suffering in some way versus living prosperous and successful life’s (and I know that definition change person to person), it’s hard to want to follow God when you’re doing “just fine”. Many of the young adults have told me that they don’t really see the purpose in following someone who makes you suffer when you can prosper without Him. :/ But I understand their logic when you consider all of the above.

    We the church must do better, then we’ll see revival and more folks understanding the true beauty of God.

    • Hi Shell, thank you so much for this interesting perspective. There’s . lot of truth here – we need felowships, and we need GOD! 🙂 thnks so much for stopping by! big hugs to you xox

  3. Wonderful post Caralyn! I believe the Media, Social Media and the public school system in our country have done a fine job of removing God from our nation and that’s so sad and sick. I think the best way to meet your mate is to let God bring him or her to you if you take my meaning. Dating apps are dangerous too in my view. Be well! 😎✝️

    • Thank you John! Removing God – that’s precisely what’s happening. amen to that. big hugs xox

  4. As a senior citizen (ugh, I hate that term), I found my husband on a dating web site. Older people will say they are “religious” but they are not really Christ followers. One guy started making fun of me because of my faith–that was our last date! The man I married, who lived quite a distance from me at the time, offered on our first date to come back on Sunday and attend church with me–no one ever offered that before! Our first date was so-so, but when he offered that, I gave him a 2nd chance, and I thank God every day that we are together. Hang in there. It is definitely a secular world out there, but God will bring that special man in your life–probably when you least expect it. BTW, I love reading your blog. A number of years ago I went through a 12-step group for codependency, and I love and am encouraged by other people’s recovery stories. God Bless You — and keep on keeping on!

    • Hi Andrea, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so glad that you’ve found such a beautiful marriage. Amen – God is in control. big hugs toy ou xox

  5. I believe in God. I think it is hard to follow or be religious when you see the priest molesting children and the church covering it up. You have a president that has cheated on every wife ,lies everyday and spews out hate against anyone not white and he is the president for the ” Christians ” I think people are turning away from religion because they have better morals.Make no mistake I do not understand the several gender thing. I can only be glad that I am not confused. Also when ” Christians ” pretend like they don’t see all the racist things our president says or the racist things that are going on in this country.

    • I appreciate you sharing your feelings. It is definitely incredibly disappointing and awful to learn about the abuse and scandals going on in the church. But the church is not made up of a handful of fallen priests — who are exactly that — human, and products of the fall, like we all are. I am not excusing them in any way shape or form. Abuse is horrific and should be punished by the law. But the church is so much more than those isolated incidents. As far as President Trump goes — one can disagree with what he says and does, and even not like his personality — but he is the front of the republican party – which stands for Christian values — particularly those of Life. thanks for stopping by.

    • I can only speak to my own experience, but there are many powerful members of the church doing disgraceful things. Seeing loved ones directly affected by these immoral individuals can make you question everything.

      I was brought up Catholic, attended Catholic school K-12, went to church 3x per week, prayed constantly and was good, devout person. Then the pastor at my parish (who I adored) raped a family friend and two alter boys, the pastor at my elementary school sexually assaulted six fellow student, the pastor at my grandmother’s church swindled her out of hundreds of thousands of dollar and the same man wrote himself into my aunt’s will and took everything when she died from cancer. All of the above men are in prison now, but my experience really tarnished my view of and pushed me away from the church. That’s not to say I won’t return, but for the time being I prefer to worship at home where I’m not vulnerable to the predators lurking in sheep’s clothing. My parents question how I could leave, while I question how they can continue to support an institution and a diocese that ignored and covered up serious misconduct. Didn’t mean to be such a downer but wanted to share another perspective, as someone who believes but no longer wears a label.

      I think there is some bigger force pulling people away from God, but I also believe that changes are necessary. We need trustworthy priests who will be punished for bad behavior, along with a welcoming and non-judgmental community. I hope that we see some positive changes in the near future… I think the world could benefit from more faith and more love.

      Good luck on the journey to find your soulmate! Be patient, be diligent and be true to you. He’s out there and he’s looking for you, too! <3

  6. Yeah, people are only just starting to figure out the effect of the post-Christian era on Christian singles. This ain’t the 90s. Good prospects aren’t plentiful, and honestly, people are generally just less functional these days. 2 Timothy 3 warned us about this.

    We’ll need to be prepared to work, and we’ll need to be prepared to wait. I’m glad God is still in control.

    • Thank you Brandon, for sharing your heart on this. Work, Wait and trust. I like that. hugs xox

  7. I’ve definitely noticed this, in some places more than others. Fort Wayne does have more believers than other places I’ve been too though. Most of them just happen to be married already haha. But like you said, the Lord will bring Mr./Ms. perfect our way in perfect timing.

    P.S. Perhaps you should continue your search at the church you wrote about attending a few posts back… where you sat next to a good-looking TAKEN stud haha.

    • Fort Wayne! I love Indiana 🙂 I so agree – God’s got this. And thanks for that awesome advice — i think you’re right about that — gotta go where they hang out — at church!!! haha hugs xo

  8. A deeply insightful and beautiful post! Yes this is true everywhere, unfortunately. The Gospel of John speaks of humanity loving darkness rather than light. I think it starts there.
    For me I am now one of the many that does not feel part of a good church home. I do try but they do not reach me or touch my life internally.

  9. Caralyn, as I tell my daughter, don’t settle! I know you are praying but understand God’s time is not our time. It will happen when you least expect it. Saturday my wife and I celebrated meeting 40 years ago — on 79th Street in NYC. (Long story. It happens.) You are in my prayers.

    We are moving away from God, which is why the world is a mess. Look at the Israelites BC in the desert. We are “them” aimlessly wondering.

    But keep the faith. You go girl!


    • Don’t settle — that’s such great advice, thank you Ted! 🙂 I know, it’s so disheartening to see the trajectory of the world, but it just reminds me that we were not made for this world! And what a beautiful love story!! 79th street — i know where I’ll be hanging out this Saturday! hahah hugs xo

  10. First of all, dating app responses, disturbing though they may be, aren’t a scientific sample. Secondly, the culture does everything to reinforce the notion that the “cool” people aren’t religious. Then look at the success of films like “Unplanned” or “Breakthrough”.
    Remember the verse, “The fool in his heart says there is no God.” I am reminded of that when I watched the Easter Vigil Liturgy from the Cathedral of Christ The Savior in Moscow, Russia. The Cathedral was packed with worshippers, who stand during a 2+ Hours Liturgy. STAND. There are no pews or even seating except for the old and infirm. No more than 25-30 years ago, many assumed Russia was completely atheistic.
    We all need to become Evangelists, for sure. And sometimes, as a last resort, we will have to use words in our preaching, as St Francis of Assisi reminded us.

    • thank you David — you’re right about that – not a scientific sample. And WOW – that so incredible to hear about Russia! incredible!!! and i love Assisi’s quote 🙂 hugs xox

      • You are the best. Remember, somebody or another, has been talking about a post-Christian era since roughly the times of Rousseau and Voltaire. Human depravity usually brings us back to our senses.

      • So true! back to our senses sounds pretty good right about now! haha hugs xo

  11. I am not so sure why I read this. Happily married for thirty six years, not a Christian though😂.
    I won’t say I am an atheist nor do I say I am non-religious. Like many other things in life, I think religion is one’s private matter.

    These line made me think, “Which, frankly, communicates to me that we, as a church family, have done a horrible job of making people feel welcome, feel accepted,”. Do you think (again I am not a Christian, so my opinion may sound like biased to you) the church and church goers sending ambiguous signals to its followers? Trying to mix politics and religion is a slippery slope but recent embrace of POTUS by the church, ignoring his moral compass, may raise questions on many people’s minds. Honestly, will you date him?
    Again, sorry for mixing this up. I am sure that was not the intent of your post. But it raised a question in my mind that I wanted to discuss.
    I hope you get what you are looking for. Your sincerity deserves it.

    • Hi friend – thank you for sharing your heart. That’s a really great question re: the president. And here’s my 2 cents — for what it’s worth hahah In terms of Trump – We can disapprove of what he says, and does – even his personality and the way he lives his life. But at the end of the day, he’s the front of the republican party, and that stands for values that Christian hold to be nonnegotiable – such as defending Life. And of course, I can’t speak for all christians, but I know that for many of those in my community, that’s how they feel and how they separated voting for someone they may not particularly agree with, and defending their Christian values. Hope that helps!! would love to hear what you think! 🙂 hugs x

  12. I can see a trend as well. I myself went through a self-discovery phase all of last year dissecting my beliefs and deciding what I believe and what I don’t. I did a lot of reading. It was tough, but I don’t regret it. In the end I chose to not believe solely based on my research and evidence supporting. It was a hard decision to make, but I do not regret it. I wouldn’t call myself an atheist, but I have no interest. I think what’s happening is there’s a breakdown in the church model. I have had so many friends, including myself, devastated by the politics within the church that is said to be epicenter of loving people and caring for all. A lot of pastors are worked to the bone without receiving much pay and are working full time jobs on the side as well. It’s not a model for success. There seems to be an arrogance the church and is not welcoming of new ideas or reformation. I understand what the bible says about homosexuality, but couldn’t it be for a different time and a different culture? Also, couldn’t it be taken out of context? I am also abhorrent of the way the church has addressed mental illness. Even if I was still a ‘believer’ I would not think that mental illness is as a result of demonic possession, the evidence is overwhelming of the opposite. Great post as always, I hope you don’t mind me sharing my thoughts, I know I’m a heathen, lol

    • Hi Peter! Thank you so much for sharing your heart on this. Like everything in life, there are certainly politics in the church too, and you’re right – it doesn’t leave a good taste in your mouth. These are really powerful and inportant questions that you’re asking – and honestly, I don’t know the answer. All I can do is reccommend a movie (that’s also a book) that I watched over the weekend that I *almost* wrote about tonight – but it’s called “A Case For Christ” – it’s on Netflix. But it is written by an atheist, and it was just phenomenal. Highly suggest. You’re not a heathen!!!! hahahaha oh my gosh, that had me laughing. No! I’ll do some digging on those questions you had too — i love a good dialogue 🙂 hugs xox

      • I actually watched that film as an exercise for pro-Christianity arguments 🙂 I read the book in college as well, but didn’t remember it so I watched the movie. If I could recommend a book it would be, Jesus, Interrupted by Bart Ehrman. I found this book very enlightening in terms of the New Testament, why it was written, who it was written for. It doesn’t try to convert you either way, it just lays out what most scholars agree upon in regards to the NT. You have an open mind and that’s awesome! We’re all trying to figure this thing called life out and we’re all in it together

      • Gotcha – yeah, I thought it was really powerful. I’ll definitely check out Jesus, Interrupted. Thanks for passing it along. Amen – we’re all on the journey together and what’s a world without love and friendship??

      • Exactly! You will have to let me know what you think if you read or listen to it! The bit I found the most interesting was how heaven and hell became Christian theology. You rock!

    • You make a lot of good points. One thing that I would like to point out is that Christians are human and they make a lot of mistakes, just like everyone else. Unfortunately, the church does not handle everything well. I believe that part of the problem is that not all of the people that attend churches are truly Christian. You know?

      • Sure, I can understand that. I think the issue is that some entrenched dogma needs to be updated and there doesn’t seem to be moves to update it either because there would have to be concession that some of the bible is incorrect or they don’t want to address the elephant in the room. I had a discussion with someone struggling with mental health and they were told by believers it was because they were possessed by demons. This may seem like an isolated sect of Christianity, but I assure you it is not.

      • Hi Peter, great points once again–I don’t agree with it all, but you make some good points. I would like to encourage you to keep seeking Truth because I believe that it is out there. If Jesus is who he said he was, then that is Truth. And that Truth does not change, even if Jesus was/is misrepresented by Christians. Hope you have a great day!

    • Peter, I’m an ordained Catholic Deacon who really wants to understand the mindset of those who have walked away from organized religion. May I ask: do you feel the experience you described here is pretty normal for the “Nones?” And by church politics, do you mean internal squabbling, too much attention paid to national issues, or perhaps a bit of both? Again, I’m just looking to understand. You seem an intelligent sort, and I’d be grateful for your help. — Mike

  13. It’s not just in the Christian communities. I was born and raised in a Muslim household. Talk about rules, they are the worst. I’ve seen my younger brother, and cousins turn away because of the outdated thinking. Don’t get me wrong some rules exist for a reason. Unfortunately, when a religion dictates how you should dress, who you should or shouldn’t marry, you will lose people. Especially now, when society is all about keeping yourself happy. This “me” attitude is ruining our morals. We’re stepping away from family and familial duties. Parents are too busy to give time to their kids.
    As for finding a partner, don’t go chasing one. Do your thing and whatever god has in store will come to you in time. I say this from experience. I ran away from marriage but I always told my mom that I would end up adopting a houseful of kids. I’m now married and have a son. I’m not adding to my brood because the doctors have said no. Someone I knew chased after the idea of a perfect man. She’s been divorced twice and is now unhappy. Everything will come in time, just have faith in Him

    • Hi Sophie – thank you so much for sharing this powerful perspective. Gosh, I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, I cannot imagine the implications that’s had on you and your heart. That’s really powerful advice — thank you again for sharing your story. big big hugs to you xox

  14. I read a news article last night about a recent Gallup poll saying that the percentage of U.S. adults who belong to a church or other religious institution has decreased by 20% over the last 20 years. So it’s definitely on the decline, even though there are many people who are finding God for the first time. Both sides are increasing. Those who believe in God and are striving to follow Him need to be stronger than ever. I support you and I love the Lord with all my heart.

    • Hi Don! I think I saw that poll too! Isn’t it just so sad? So so disappointing. But you’re right those who have stayed in the faith are strong! praise God for that! 🙂 big hgus xo

  15. Continue to have God in the center of your life. “Ancient-Future Faith” and “The Benedict Option” are two great reads on this subject.

    I think what I have experienced is a non-sharing of the Faith outside of church buildings and within the buildings an attitude of “If you are to have the greatest Faith then you will be just like us”. -Jeff

    • That’s really great advice 0 that you so much. I’ll definitely have to check out those books! thank you Jeff 🙂 amen. big hugs to you xox

  16. I have several grandchildren now of dating age and they are finding the same issue as you – and most of them live in the Midwest and/or the Bible belt. I continue to ask God to keep them focused on dating christians only. Prayers for you – and proud of your stand.

    • Thanks so much Barbara – for your prayers and encouragement. There’s power in prayer! Good luck to your grandkids! Will be praying for them too! 🙂 hugs ox

  17. Great post. I did cringe at the “71 genders” comment (LGBTQIA+ affirming over here) but I understand your concerns as a Christian. Do you allow guest posts or only sponsored posts. I write about mental health and would love to collaborate.

    • Hi Johnzelle! Sorry about that — Yeah, nothing negative to say about the LGBTQ+ community! I love all people no matter what! Oh That’s awesome – right now, I’m not doing sponsored posts, but if that changes I’ll let you know!! hugs xox

  18. I absolutely noticed this trend on the dating apps I tried… which is why I came off of them lol! The dating world is certainly hard for Christian millenials, which is why we have to now more than ever put our faith that Jesus does all things well, and who He has prepared for you, will come exactly when you need him! <3

    • Hi Sophie! haha yeah, that was a smart move. It’s so comforting to remember that truth! glad you stopped by 🙂 big hugs xox

  19. Speaking on “the other side” (as a man, also in NYC) I can affirm what you said about men in NYC, with regards to faith. But yes, it sounds like you should work on patience. Not that I’m one to be judgmental, because I need to work on patience too.

    With the number of non-Christians, though, there is hope: we’ve been through worse as a Church and have come out just fine. We can go through this, too.

    • Hi Brendan! Thank you so much for sharing this perspective. Amen – patience. And you’re right about that. Thanks for this encouragement 🙂 big hugs xox

      • You’re welcome! Remember–if we can get through persecution like what happened for much of the first three centuries of Christianity, we can get through this too!

      • Thanks!

        Also, hopefully you were able to come to the Young Adults Mass last night! I was there and the celebrant gave some reminders during the homily that were helpful for me (which may be helpful reminders for you, too).

      • No I’m not kidding. 🙂 The priest’s call to love the Lord first and foremost was a good reminder. And so is the reminder that some of us may yet be called to be priests, nuns, or religious. I don’t feel that call, but I’m sure some in that cathedral did and needed to hear that.

      • I actually had the same thought about his call to vocations. I thought his preaching was on fire, i really enjoyed it!

  20. Interesting thoughts! I see the trends as well and fear it’s a multi-faceted issue but much of it comes down to thinking like Jesus and acting with love vs our limited human thinking that centers around the letter of the law (the Pharisees had trouble with that too).

    I also am probably the only person to have an opposing view on dating but maybe you should open the dating pool to the “done” bachelors? Personally I was a done Christian when I met my husband and his faith and courage to speak Truth was a large part of what attracted me to him, how I made my way back to the church, and how we overcame a LOT of hurdles that ultimately led to marriage- that’s some power of Christ!

    I love what another commenter said- “the church is not a country club,” our faith is not easy. Our faith is a cross, Jesus said that, but the cross is sweet when we know what awaits the fruits of our labor. You’re clearly brave and strong in your faith; perhaps you can inspire a lucky man to not only find love and strength in you but more importantly in the cross.

    Just some humble thoughts! Thanks for your posts, they’re always thought-provoking and a joy to read.

    • Thinking like Jesus and acting with love – I love that so much. And wow – our faith is a cross…so powerful. Thanks for this great insight! bighugs xox

  21. Patricia and I were lucky enough to discover that quiet, intense love that is basic to life itself; it is seldom found in real life. We had the eyes to see and the words to tell the truths that are most real to each other. I used to pray nightly that the first girl that attended Church with me would be the girl I married; well Pat was the first girl that attended Church with me. She even became an Anglican and Christianity is very much a part of our love. I love her with the breath, smiles, tears of all my life; and now that she is in Heaven, if God choose, I shall but love her better after death. We were in graduate school when we met – no dating service.for us. Both Pat and I went to the University of Toronto’s Faculty of Library Science in 1968/69. On Fridays, some of us went pub crawling as soon as they opened at noon. We called it POETS Corner. Yes, you guessed it: it’s an acronym for Piss On Everything, Tomorrow’s Saturday. On Friday, November 15, 1968, Pat was a fellow student’s date at the Red Lion. I was attracted to her and sat beside her. When Steven Horne left her alone to talk to some of his buddies, I was there and since it was by now late afternoon, I asked her to supper. She said yes. She went home to Rochdale to change and I picked her up there. Rochdale had just opened and there were a lot of graduate students there, so you can’t assume that Pat was a hippy. (But we were kind of hippies – long hair and all.) We went to Hungarian Village on Bay Street.
    We had the Transylvanian wood platter for two. That is, three salads, rice, fried potatoes, beef tenderloin, Hungarian sausage, bacon, grilled pork chop, Wienerschnitzel, cabbage rolls, and pickled beets, all accompanied by a full bottle of the Hungarian wine known as “Bull’s Blood”. Between us (though mostly Pat), we polished it all off. Then we had apple strudel and two each apricot brandies (remember, we started the date drinking beer all afternoon!). After Hungarian Village, we went to hear Brownie McGhee and Sonny Terry at the Riverboat in Yorkville where we also had pastries and coffees. The date was not over yet, though it was past midnight. We went to Plaka, a Greek nightclub on Queen Street where we listened to Basuki players from Athens and threw dishes. There, we had two Zombies and a sharing tray of Greek cheese. I was thinking, boy, can this small girl ever eat and drink. I’m a foodie and was truly impressed. Got her back to Rochdale early Saturday morning and, after getting to know each other Hippie style, I proposed to her. She said “no.” Didn’t get much sleep before having to head off to my Saturday job at the undergraduate library at U of T. After work, I dropped by her place to ask her to Church on Sunday morning. Pat accepted, and came to the Church of the Redeemer with me on Sunday; this confirmed that Pat was the girl for me. We married six months later, June 21, 1969!
    I know this is kind of long but I hope our experience might help you.

    • POETS hahah that gave me a chuckle. But seriously, thank you for sharing this. It has made my heart so warm to hear your beautiful love story. And how your love for he continues to grow. This brought tears to my eyes. thank you for blessing me with this. 🙂 hugs xox

  22. The greatest test of this generation is to have faith in the face of overwhelming fact—by believing myth. Consider biology, neurology, philology, psychology, archeology, all the greatness that was once ascribed to gods in the past has been explained quite nicely with reproducible evidence. Even spirituality is easily dismantled in tests of neurology. It’s not that people believe in the zodiac and you alluded, they just don’t believe in the traditions that are easily explained today. Heaven, hell, gods by the thousands have come and gone. This one too will go the way of the dodo. It took 900 years for Christianity to replace the Greek gods. Religion has its day. Catholicism and fundamental Christianity has ruined enough lives, even today. And the abuses are handwaved by faith that no secular law would tolerate.

    • Hi Jim, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. The beautiful thing about Christianity is that it doesn’t contradict science or psychology or archeology or any of those things — in fact, they confirm each other. It is a powerful thing. I would invite you to watch “A Case for Christ” – written by an atheist. It is incredibly powerful. I appreciate you stopping by and joining the dialogue. hugs and love xox

  23. I believe we are experiencing an end time falling away. It is really an honesty… do you care about a relationship with Jesus Christ or not? Are things/people/hobbies/self/places/addictions more important than your eternal soul? Well, apparently they are for many people and the entertainment/iffy news media/politicians/certain areas of peer pressure support the “freedom” of spiritual bondage. God would rather people were serious about a relationship with Him than pretending to be and that is truth. But I digress.
    The right Godly man will come along and it only takes one and trust me, it is better to wait years for the right man than spend years regretting the wrong one. As always, love you, beautiful!hugsXO 😄 ❤

    • Hi Tonya, thank you for this beautiful response. You’re absolutely right. We have come to a fork in the road — do we believe, or not? Are we willing to live out our faith? or not. You’ve given me so much powerful food for thought here. thank you. And yes!! Patience for the right one!!! I so appreciate this wonderful encouragement. Grateful for you, friend! love ya!!!! xoxo

  24. I agree that we aren’t always the most welcoming. But here are a few other thoughts. First, I strongly recommend getting “Already Gone” by Ken Ham. Either the book or the DVD or both. The message is that churches have stopped teaching. People are no longer being fed, and the only people left talking are the atheist scientists. The book is called Already Gone, because most kids are mentally already gone well before high school.

    Too many preachers do NOT ascribe to a literal reading of Genesis. They accept deep time and try to fit evolution into creation, so far too many churches are headed by pastors who do not ascribe to the inerrancy of Scripture. Once God’s Word is marginalized, everything goers. Hence, so many individual truths.

    The Truth is no longer preached, because ministers fear for their jobs. They don’t dare preach unadulterated Truth for fear of upsetting members or driving away visitors. Already Gone discovered that this reticence to preach boldly has left too many people cold. It isn’t about the music. It’s about preaching Truth in its purity.

    Ultimately, everyone is talking except the churches and Christians. No one is countering the evolutionists and other purveyors of different truths.

    And yes, I’ve seen the same thing. Christianity – real, pure Christianity is dying. In fact, I read years ago that many Chinese churches consider America a rich missionary field and send their people here many times. Of course, Christianity won’t actually die, but the faith community is definitely shrinking.

    And that’s me for tonight…

    • Already GOne – ok, adding it to my list. thank you for that recco! sounds really interesting, and sadly, very true. And you’re so SO true – once we start picking and choosing what we want to believe and adhere to in the bible, it’s a dangerous dangerous road. It is the Word of God – and who are we to edit/sanitize/disregard. And that’s so true about worship getting back to preaching. I think so many times we’re so concerned with being welcoming and the starbucks and the production value and not “scaring people away” that we let the Truth get skirted to the wayside, in exchange for the “God love us no matter what crap we’ve done.” Which — let’s be clear, is important. But at the end of the day, we’ve got to take it to a deeper level. We’ve got to pray. And I also hear that in Africa the Church is on fire too. Lots of great food for thought here, Jeff. Thank you, as always. I always look forward to hearing your thoughts! big big hugs to you xox

  25. I appreciate the wisdom in your post today. As a father of several in the ‘dating and seeking’ age range, I know they see this struggle also. As a Pastor, I hear what you’re saying about the Church chasing people away. Clearly, we’ve become too comfortable in our own groups, and have lost the love for the lost that Jesus and the early church had. Therefore, we’ve just built thicker walls to keep people out of our churches.

    However, we have to also understand that the enemy–satan–the liar, thief, and murderer–is very effective at ‘stealing, killing and destroying’ relationships…families…and cultures. Our culture has become increasingly ‘anti-God’, and has, perhaps unwittingly, played right into the enemy’s hands. “Thinking themselves wise, they became fools…”

    So, what are we to do about it, and how does it relate to dating? First, I think we all (even us married folks) need to love Jesus–with a PASSION–much more, and allow Him to ‘shine’ through us more fully. As the world gets darker, the true church will shine brighter.

    …and that’s where it comes to you (and several of my kids, and millions of other young people). You must start with the love of Jesus–period. I don’t mean ‘love Jesus so He’ll get you a spouse’, but ‘love Jesus, period’. As you do, you will shine like a star in the night sky…some will reject you as a result, but others will be drawn to you…and some (who have similar goals) will be mutual sources of encouragement in the journey.

    Stay strong!

  26. Isn’t it interesting how we as humans like to put labels on ourselves? When the New Testament was written it was Jews and Gentiles. We have our modern versions today don’t we and I see some of those labels in the comments above. Jesus only has one label for those who are interested in the hereafter and that is “friends!” Why should we be surprised about the condition which you have described as the “post Christian era?” The Bible says that would happen before Jesus returns and there are several passages that articulate that. “When the Son of Man returns will He find faith on the earth?” “As in the days of Noah …” So how did this rejection of Christianity happen? Try the teaching of evolution for starters. If there is no creation story but we evolved then morality is how we define it. If we evolved then there is no original sin and no need of a Savior. No need of Jesus, no need of God. So teachers teach this to our children and replace it with the social gospel but that is counteracted by “the survival of the fittest” doctrine and the relative prosperity of our generation makes the “haves” self-sufficient and the have-nots of no consequence. The volatile condition of our whole world today tells me conditions are right for the real Jesus to reappear and make a separation. Those who like the way heaven operates will be transported there and get their wish. Those who would be unhappy there will get their wish and be put out of their misery …. eternally! It’s our choice, but we have to hang in there and hopefully persuade others to join us in a happier existence. There is a Christian mate reserved for you. Look for him in the right places. 🙂

    • “Friends” i like that. You’re right – Jesus dined with, lived with, loved, respected, embraced, defended everyone, no matter who they were or where they came from. What a powerful and telling example. Interesting perspective on the social gospel — lots to mull over!!! thanks for the encouragment. 🙂 big hugs xox

    • That’s quite alright! not over harsh at all. i appreciate the conversation 🙂 hugs x

  27. A sad lol here. I knew this already. Some of the worst things about people can be found in people who call themselves Christians. I’ll never step into a church again. The last time I found one I liked, I asked to join. I was told I would have to be approved by a vote. I knew what that meant. It was a monetary criteria. Enough annual income, you could join. I was shaken. Hurt. Angry. Jesus picked poor men to join in his Earthly ministry; not once did he ask for a vote on a new Apostle. I gave up. And the modern evangelicals, not all but the sect that believe in the Seed Gospel, or who countenance the horrors of the Trump administration, i.e. the scattered children? No, I refuse to call those Christians. Never trust a man who goes to church but is fine with destroying the lives of the little ones.

    That said, I don’t think you’re likely to find a worthy partner on the internet. Even if he says he’s Christian. And “Christian” dating sites are disgusting. I know what I’m talking about. I’m sorry this has been so difficult for you, and I apologise for my harsh words, but I like you, even though in real life, you wouldn’t likely want me as a friend. Not many do; I accept this. You, however, deserve to be happy. So for what it is worth, yes, be patient, but be careful, extremely careful. There are wolves in sheep’s clothing all over the place; online and off. What you want will be risky. And you can never know what to expect.

    2019 is not the post-Christian era. There will never be such thing as that; real faith and faithfulness is out there. The real thing is hard to spot with ersatz believers and atheists ready to pounce so ALL the time. But we’re not gonna give up faith. I hope the search will be safe and happy. God bless and protect you.

  28. I met my guy in college and we’ll be celebrating 21 years in May. With 4 kids who will marry someday I often wondered if we instilled in them the importance of “being equally yoked” and not just in terms of believer and nonbeliever but in believer and believer because not everyone in the church will have the same beliefs. Our oldest who is 19 and in University in Philadelphia came face to face with this realization when the girl he was dating, while she went to church, felt the Bible was fluid and didn’t pertain to today. That was a huge red flag for him so he called it off. He said it was hard but he needed someone who believed ALL the Bible. I know that him putting the Lord first will be honored the same way I know it will for you. We’ve prayed for our children’s spouses from day one; I believe that there’s a mom and dad who have prayed for you and God will bring you together whether through a dating app or “chance encounter” xo

    • Oh my gosh Congratulations on 21 years! that is so exciting and really something to celebrate. How beautiful. I agree – there is no picking and choosing when it comes to God’s Word. thanks for this wonderful encouragement 🙂 big hugs xox

  29. It is true. Religions are losing that strong hold they once held over nearly everyone on the planet. This is not necessarily a bad thing though. There are very good reasons why the world is turning away from religious beliefs and embracing a secular lifestyle. Non-believers carry no baggage. They are not required to explain the unexplainable. They accept (sorry, wrong word) they appreciate the world and life for what it is and are truly happy to be part of it and they do not have to ascribe the good and bad things that occur in this truly unpredictable universe to any unnatural or supernatural entity. My advice to you is to not exclude non-believers from your search for true love, you would be surprised to know that they can be as caring and loving as any believer………. maybe even more so.😊 Good luck in your quest.

    • Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this and joining the dialogue. I appreciate the advice! 🙂 hugs xo

  30. “But, to be honest, I don’t think this trend of post-christian identity is specific to the Big Apple.”

    It’s not. Much of Sacramento and the San Francisco Bay Area are the same way, at least among people who don’t get married in their early 20s and stay that way. And even many women I’ve met, or female friends I know, who call themselves Christian are still looking to hurry up and hop into bed and sort out the details later, just like the rest of the world. And that’s part of the reason I’ve pretty much given up on dating.

    Given the way the state government is in California, I’m afraid that true Christianity is going to be driven underground in my lifetime, or that we’re headed for a second Civil War. I hope not. I’ve thought many times in my adult life about leaving, thinking I’d probably fit in better somewhere else, but also aware that I might experience other kinds of culture shock, and feeling like we need people out here to stand up for what’s right. The sermon at my little 11-person church this week was very timely for what I’ve been feeling; I might write about it soon.

    • Thanks for this insight – yeah, I’m afraid it’s known the world over. I do think that while the overall population of believers is shrinking, those that remain are stronger than ever. 🙂 I hope so at least. I’d love to read what you have to say about that sermon! 🙂 hugs xox

  31. Another great post. And I read some of the comments that people made–your light is shining and making people think. That is wonderful. So inspiring! Thank you so much for bringing hope 🙂

    • Thank you so much for this wonderful encouragement. That is my deepest prayer! i appreciate you taking the time to read! big hugs xox

  32. It is a shame but from what I am seeing the church has often damaged itself in many ways. Young people are looking at its fruit and many young people are not liking what they are seeing in many cases. In my experience many churches appear to have forgotten what it is really all about and are merely going through the motions. I took my daughter to something a couple of months ago and instead of welcoming a fresh, young face they all sat there. Nobody offered us a seat, let alone refreshment and she had gone home totally disillusioned. It was a social event. They all had the chance to show some warmth and hospitality, yet they had sat there like dead fish.
    My friend was telling me the other day that she had spoken to a vicar’s wife, who had also unbelievably felt ignored.
    The way to reach people, is to do what you did and offer warm, non-judgemental conversation and kindness, listening as well as talking.I was investigating Meetup the other day and found much the same thing as you. Society seems to be moving away from the church in droves.

    • I think there’s a lot of truth in that – going through the motions. We need a fervor for Christ!! And gosh, I’m so sorry that your daughter had that experience — gosh, that is so disappointing. thanks for sharing your thoughts! hugs xox

  33. Be careful with dating sites and dating apps Carolyn I did an experiment some years ago where I profiled many of the most popular dating sites and also the most popular Christian dating sites… On average 1 out of every 100 profiles are genuine the rest are either dating site employee’s, scammers or robots after three months I was able to pick the scammers and bots in about 60 seconds I have never used a dating app and never will because I have no doubts most of the people on dating sites are only interested in taking the few genuine people on them for a ride to the bank or simply keep you paying while employee’s with fake profiles keep you coughing up the funds in the hope you will find Mr or Miss perfect.
    Taking advantage of another persons loneliness or vulnerability is one of the lowest most despicable acts that others can engage in.

    • Oh gosh, that’s scary. thanks for the advice. Gotta keep my eyes wide open!!! hugs xox

  34. While here in the UK it’s definately true that christianity in general is in steep decline, I’ve come to see some definate plusses also. From a 60 year perspective, as a child almost everyone believed in God but in a very distant inpersonal way. Now christians are definately in the minority, however the number of active, believing, christians with a personal relationship with Jesus is growing by leaps and bounds. I never heard so many stories of miracles and healing etc. While institutional christianity is in decline true christianity is rapidly expanding. I don’t think this is particular to the UK by any means.
    Could this be the “falling away first” Jesus mentioned. Certainly persecution grows strong christians and strong churches as those with no depth of soil wither and fall away the good ground brings forth much fruit.

    • Hi Claire, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I think you’re right – even though the numbers may be dwindling, those that have remained are stronger than ever. Big hugs to you xox

  35. Well… On the topic of religion itself, on my dating profile, I did put in Christian. However I’ve come to learn that just because someone says they’re Christian, doesn’t necessary mean that they actually ARE Christian.
    For instance, most of the Catholic people I know are so, not because of beliefs, but because of tradition. They were born Catholic, therefore they remain so and follow all the traditions that suit. Do they really believe what they say and do in the church, no.. its done for the sake of doing. A sense of belonging.. No real conviction.
    As for the church group I attend, its not Catholic. Frankly we don’t know what we are. We just call ourselves Full Gospel, because that what we believe. We follow the Bible, letter to letter and don’t pick and choose. We’re part Pentecostal in a our belief in the sense that we operate in the gifts of the spirit.
    It is really a shame that the body of Christ is so divided into such denominational sects. Even more so that in no matter which denomination you go to, there will be people who are there, not because they truly believe, but because tradition dictates.

    You are correct. People reject identifying with Christianity because the church has failed. We became delusional, judgemental, hypocrites; falling into the similar rut of other religions and letting traditions dictate our steps when the one who should be leading is the Holy Spirit. In essence, Christianity was never mean’t to be a religion, we the church failed and turned it into one.

    As for Godly, bible believing single Christian men, we exist Caralyn. I’m one…
    I’m going to be completely honest here Caralyn.. Just because someone says that he loves God, doesn’t necessary mean that he is who is says he is. So you need to do what Paul says the watch for the fruits of the Spirit.
    Let God be your guide. Just find someone with whom you can be your complete self with. Not necessarily a Christian, but is open to attending church with you, having a honest discussion about his feelings on the subject, etc.
    I know of a couple of people who started out that way.. Guess what, their so called boyfriend / girlfriend became strong believers in Christ. One such couple are my parents. 🙂
    It is true that you should not be “Yoked” with a non-believer but its better than being yoked to a hypocrite. Don’t close your heart out to someone who isn’t as religious as you. Perhaps your faith will cause him to see the light.
    The bottom line is regardless the faith or religious beliefs of the person you are dating, you should be careful to not let him distract you from your faith and your goals in Christ. Its a thin line.. It’s always a thin line.

    In my own dating pursuits, religion is last on the list. Someone said that it should be first. But in truth, I’m looking for someone who isn’t afraid to be who they really are around me and I with them and I’m leaning on the guidance of the Spirit of God to tell me, “Yes.. she is the one.”
    I know the kind of person I want to be married to and if that isn’t on the cards, then I’d rather be single.

    • Let God be my guide, that is such great advice. Thank you, friend, for this thoughtful response. hugs to you xox

  36. Yet again you raise an interesting point it drew my thoughts to one of the last books written by Jesus Apostles – 1 John 5: 19
    And we know that we are of God, and the whole world lieth in wickedness. (KJV) or as the ASV renders it 1″9 We know that we are of God, and the whole world lieth in the evil one.” Other translations indicate that the idea is that humanity demonstrates that Satan has control.
    Jesus own words during his last few days on earth when he spoke to his Apostles about the “last days or end times” in Matthew 24:12 “And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. 13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.” (KJV)
    When we look at the context we appreciate that people will turn away from christianity, will persecute Christians (just look at Russia, China, the Arab States and where Islam is the leading faith). But here is the surprise for many look at the UK, France, Germany in fact most of Europe – secularism is the a modern God, it is foolish to believe in God and more ridiculous to openly state you have faith.
    Society based on the values of Christianity is collapsing because they reject those very tenets.
    The Apostle Paul refers to people having their minds blocked from seeing God.
    So you make the point about “Truth” Pilate asked “What is Truth?” like him modern society doesn’t want to know but Jesus answered that question early in his ministry when he said “I am the way; the TRUTH; and the life”
    So if the whole world is under Satans control to find what you seek you need to search in a place where there is no room for “the world”. Jesus made it clear that to find his disciples we need to be “No part of THE WORLD”.

    This is important for all young Christians to realise.

    Enjoyed reading your thoughts – keeping seeking because it will be openned to you is Jesus expression.

    • Hi Mark, thank you for this thoughtful response. No part of the world – that is an important thing to realize indeed. hugs xo

  37. Dear Caralyn
    You are open to God, and you are seeking to do His will. He will use you, and provide you with all you need. Place your search for a husband in His hands and leave it up to Him. He knows you much better than any on-line dating site!
    With love in Jesus
    Penny xx

    • Thank you so much Penny, I really appreciate this beautiful encouragment. Amen – leave it up to Him! that’s the best advice@ 🙂 hugs xox

  38. Hi Caralyn

    I’ve felt for several years now that we are moving into a “Post-Christian” society in the West. Alarmingly the emerging nations of Africa are seeking to emulate that, believing it to be “better” than their own cultures because their exposure to Western society is through television shows like The Bachelor, and now even Internet/Netflix shows – fiction and “fact” (as opposed to Truth).

    I found out yesterday that from 2020 in the UK that Primary Schools will teach about “normal” families – and that apparently parents will not be able to withdraw their children from these lessons based on religious belief. They will also be “helped” to identify their own sexuality – aged 7 or 8 years.

    It’s turning into the situation Paul found in Athens. “Educated” men rejecting the Gospel because they know better.

    Most of the people I was friends with 25 years ago have quit church. Over half of them were actually driven out by the leadership. Even one of my old pastors. Marriages crumbled and instead of trying to help save the relationships they condemned both spouses.

    This World is moving full speed into what Jesus spoke about the Last Days looking like.

    • Hi David, wow what a powerful response – that is scary about the primary schools. yikes. I’m afraid you’re right about htat. hugs xox

      • I should add perhaps that I met my wife online almost 18 years ago, long before the plethora of “christian” (note small “c”) dating sites came along. We married in 2003 and while we’ve had our share (and a few other couples’ share) of problems we still love each other and welcomed our first baby last year.

        Never give up on God. He has a tendency to surprise us!

      • oh my gosh congratulations on your new addition! and that is so wonderful – gives me great hope. thank you for that 🙂 hugs xo

  39. I gave up the online dating thing after a few months. I had truly given up the whole idea of finding someone with the same values as myself until Mr. Awesome came dancing into my life.
    God has a plan and He will bring your Mr. Right in your life when the time is right.

    • Hi Susie! Thank you so much for sharing your heart on this. Amen – God has a plan, I do trust that. Thank you for this beautiful encouragement. So happy for you and Mr. Awesome!!!! 🙂 hugs xox

  40. The bigger picture is one of faith. As the Pharisees closed in on Jesus he said to Peter: “And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.”
    ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭16:18‬ ‭NIV‬‬
    While the people are leaving Church in droves we must understand that infighting, gossip, and judgment causes people to leave the faith or never stop we must remain strong hope that there are enough people to stand together against the attitudes of those who attempt to divide us. Unfortunately those people are sometimes in the church, and we must resist a legalistic attitude that moves us away from loving those newcomers who are different and have a story rather than alienating them. Love as an example is an amazing weapon against the attitude that builds a stereotype as to what the church represents.

    • Hi Brian, thank you so much for this response. You’re right – we need to love and welcome the newcomers! Love is the answer! hugs xox

  41. Yet God believes in them. They might not be dating pool right now, but it’s hard telling what God’s up to in people’s hearts. Both heaven and earth are likely to be full of surprises. 🙂

  42. Great post. I really enjoyed this blog post. God will surely bring you someone. Just continue to seek Him in everything. And also put yourself out there. You never know where you will meet the one God has in stored for you. God has a plan. He had a plan when he brought Eve to Adam and in the same way, He has an awesome plan for all His children. We just have to continue to abide in Him. Things will fall in pleasant places for you and the one He brings your way will be aligned with God’s will.

  43. I wish I could reassure you that God will provide you a wonderful, godly husband. But that might not be his plan for your life. Better to remain single than to end up in a godless marriage with heartbreak and frustration and trying to raise children that love God but who only have one true Christian parent. So be careful to listen to the Spirit. 🙂

    • Thank you so much for this beautiful reassurance and encouragment. You’re so right about that – better to be patient for the right man! hugs xo

  44. oh man! This post speaks to me, Caralyn! Sadly, i’m finding that the same is true with women of faith. I’m in the middle (or actually probably end) of getting out of a relationship with an deist (at best) woman who grew up going to Catholic school. Sad to say that there’s very little Catholic left in her, so much so that she would get annoyed with me going to Mass on Holy Days of Obligation and couldn’t understand why i would go to confession so much. “Why are you going to confession?! Are you *THAT* much of a sinner??” she would ask. SMH. I should have known to run, but i decided to walk instead. Live and learn, right? But the good thing is that i’m more at a jog now distancing myself because i need a woman of faith in my life, a Catholic woman at that, because i shouldn’t have to choose between our Lord and a fight with somebody who claims to care about me, right?

    Anyway, I hope God blesses you with the right man, my friend! All we can do is pray!

    • Hi David! I’m so glad this resonated with you. thank you so much for sharing your story, I’m sorry you’re walking this challenging season right now. You’re right – prayer is powerful 🙂 big hugs to you xox

  45. This is an insightful post.

    Well, I don’t subscribe to dating apps. I trust God to bring my man my way in His timing.

    Saying one is a Christian doesn’t necessarily mean one acts as one.

    Look at Jesus, before He ascended to the Father, He said if anyone loved Him, they’ll do His commandments.

    But we have several people claim to love Him with their words but deny Him in their hearts and by their actions.

    Instead of picking on people, we should let the Word of God work in our hearts and be led by the Spirit of God.

    In time, our spouses will find us.

    Until then, let’s be still and know He is God even when His creation denies Him.

  46. It’s a sad reflection of our society…but with all the craziness that is acceptable nowadays, it doesn’t really surprise me. I wish it did! Our church is NOT a place that I enjoy going every Sunday 🙁 It makes me sad to feel this way, but it’s the truth. It’s not a welcoming community. It should be, but it isn’t. We don’t have new people coming in, and even if they did, there would be no one to welcome them. My husband and I are one of the only couples in our church with young children. There is maybe one or two others, but that’s it. Who is going to replace all the older people (of which the majority of our church is made up) in the pews? Very sad, but we do our best to raise our kids with a knowledge of God and all He has done for us.
    God WILL bring the man into your life that He wants you to marry. Patience is key…it’s hard, but worth it. In the meantime, be careful and keep your eyes open for the one. 🙂 God Bless!

    • hi friend, I think sadly, you’re right– it’s not surprising at all. And so true – patience is key, and definitely worth it. thank you for the encouragement 🙂 big hugs xo

    • Aww, I’m so sorry to hear your church is like that. Maybe look around for a different one? I think church has many purposes, with worship being the most important, but a loving , welcoming church family sure is a nice thing.

      • I think we are getting to that point! I agree that worship is the most important, but even that is lacking lately 🙁 There’s too much “other stuff” going on to really focus on the point of church! (And I’m not talking about being distracted by our little ones) The church I attended as a child I remember had greeters handing out bulletins every Sunday. And they were never too busy to say Hi, thank you for coming, etc. etc. Just makes the whole experience that much more. Hopefully we will find something at some point that really helps us to get more out of the service!

    • One Sunday morning a mother come into her son’s room and wakes him up..
      “Son, get up and get down to the church, you’re going to be late.”
      Half an hour rolls by and the mother walks in and see her son still in bed. She cries out again, “Son! Get up, get ready and head down to the church, you’re going to be late”.
      After another 30 mins, she still sees him in bed and repeats her call. To which he son replies, “Mom, I’m going to give you 2 reasons why, I’m not going to church today. 1. There’s people there who don’t like me. 2. There’s people there whom I don’t like.”
      The mother replies, “I’m going to give you two reasons why you SHOULD get down to the church. 1. You’re 40 years old and your mother still has to tell you what to do.. 2. You’re the Pastor of the church. NOW GET DOWN THERE!!!.”

      Pastor John Hagee said it rightly.. “You will never find a perfect church. And if you, DON’T JOIN!.. It won’t be perfect anymore.”
      I’m sure that each one of us can think of a few things wrong with the church-groups we attend. I can think of a few of mine. However that isn’t the real point of attending church. It is to be encouraged to move forward in our faith.
      Yes.. The church is supposed to welcoming, encouraging, etc. But if you’re not getting that, it doesn’t mean that you need to switch groups. Or stop completely. I know from 1st hand experience, that doesn’t lead anywhere good.
      The focus shouldn’t be on whether the church is a place of enjoyment and welcoming. The focus should be on Christ. He is the reason that you’re going. Nothing else. The moment you learn that, all the issues, etc. become meaningless.

  47. Patience is a virtue my friend! Mr. Right will come along. You know in the bible it says the husband will find the wife………So, just think about that! Have a wonderful blessed day.

  48. You are a beautiful writer! I’m in the same scene in Texas and it’s the same way! I filter my app for religious beliefs and it keeps telling me to “widen my preferences.” Nope! Not budging on that one. 😉. Good luck on your search, it can be highly entertaining… thank you for being. Vulnerable and brave in sharing your experiences!

    • Hi Andrea, oh gosh thank you so much! Widen your preferences – HAH! You stay strong girl. God’s got the right men out there for us! big hugs to you xox

  49. I think that, because the modern society we live in continues to be less moral with each passing day, the men you wrote about are anything but eager to obey a moral God. Pray for patience and God will deliver a “good one” to you when the time’s right.

    • Thank you so much Rollie, that’s really great advice. Praying for patience!! 🙂 glad you stopped by! hugs xox

    • Hi friend! Yes! I have dabbled in catholic match and christian mingle. I came up unsuccessful, but maybe I should give it another go. Thanks for the great suggestion!! big hugs to you xox

  50. Hmmm … you don’t have to look harder. Just be your courageous, beautiful self wherever you go … and when you least expect it, one of us will find you and be the lucky one. – tsk

  51. Hey Big beauty… As an eternal optimist, I’ll offer up to you that perhaps, like you stated that the dating apps are seeking more and more personal information, it has truly become a Privacy issue. As such, I offer that as a result of increasing religious persecution and targeting, daters are much less willing to divulge their religious affiliation… Just a thought. My suggestion is to forget the dating sites and spend your time physically going to places that may attract those you seek; church and related functions, sporting events, grocery stores, shopping, Performing Art Centers, picnics, etc. There is no substitute for face-to-face interaction. Best to you in your journey. Be well…

    • Hi Michael! Big beauty – i like that. haha thank you so much for your insight on this. That’s great advice to go to places where those type on men hang out. I agree – face to face is the way to go! big hugs xo

  52. Hi Caralyn, what a great topic! I want to encourage you to stay strong. I would say we’re not in post-Christian culture, if we mean following Christ. More likely, we’re in a post-Christendom culture (where religion is geopolitical, cultural). I have studied this intently for a few years and the people leaving the faith are, for the most part, people who were nominal believers. Think about it, if an argument can talk you out of your faith, your relationship with Jesus is pretty frail, if there’s any real relationship at all. As Bernard of Clairvoix once said, the only reason people don’t love Jesus is because they don’t know Him.

    People leave the faith for various reasons, but it’s usually because either they had a bad experience with a church, with religious people behaving badly, or they became adults and didn’t have to go to church anymore. But it’s not because they actually knew Jesus deeply. And I would agree with you and other commenters, a lot of that problem is on us.

    But as G.K. Chesterton said, “Christianity hasn’t been tried and found wanting, it’s been found difficult and not tried.” There can be a HUGE difference between calling oneself a “Christian,” which can mean no more than going to church, and actually following Christ, which is a transformational lifestyle.

    But, according to Pew Research (2015), the part of the church made up of devout believers is actually growing. So, all of this is actually good news because the line is clearer now between real believers and just religious church-goers.

    So, again, I want to encourage you. The real church is alive and well. But we are in a season of great transition where what it means to be a Christian is changing (for the better.) The gleeful atheists are having their day now, but they are very wrong in their assessment. They are merely burning down a religious straw man but have no effect on the church Jesus is building.

    There is someone out there that God has prepared just for you that will make you a powerful couple! Be patient and don’t give in the the cultural morass around you. 🙂 Blessings to you for standing strong in the midst of the confusion and chaotic world we find ourselves in.

    • Thanks Mel for this heartfelt response. You’re right – this is a season of transition, but i am hopeful it is for the better and that we’ll come out stronger. I appreciate your encouragement 🙂 yes! Patience!! Hugs and love xox

  53. Caralyn,

    So much here I could write about, it would be a blog post in itself, but I’ll try to be brief! First of all, Mel is right in so many ways in terms of what he says. The difference between those who nominally believe and those for who know Jesus deeply and personally is the reason behind many statistics. I often feel that the biggest gulf of understanding Christianity for people is that they don’t realise that this is something that can be seperated from the rest of our personas. I am not me without my faith in Christ. People without a faith struggle to understand this and opt for the easy labels instead. CS Lewes sums it up with this quote “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen — not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”

    30 years ago (giving my age away a bit here) I rememeber chatting to a colleague after work (University summer job) and when I mentioned being a Christian their response was (and I remember this word for word even after all this time) was ‘oh what a shame, if only it was anything other than Christianity’. It taught me a lot very quickly.

    John Wesley has some wonderful quotes (I appreciate he is not strictly Catholic but I’ve never been one for fussing about the differences with the main Christian denominations as the basis of our faith is the same). I think this one explains a lot about the current generation “When men choose not to believe in God, they do not thereafter believe in nothing, they then become capable of believing in anything.” Both he and Lewes had many more!

    I’ll finish with a quote relating to the concept of Truth that I heard at a talk (well the CD recording of a talk anyway. Don’t know if the comment was taken from elsewhere, but I thought it was excellent. “The person who insists there is no such thing as Truth is asking you not to believe them, so don’t!” In a society where the idea of Truth is something that people like to object to, I think it’s a wonderful response.

    • Thank you so much for sharing this powerful perspective. I love those quotes that you shared!! amen – i love all things CS Lewis. hugs xo

  54. That was a nice post. The world is an interesting place and it is constantly changing. Sometimes horrifying and sometimes bright and shiny with hope. All the best. Thanks for sharing.

    • thank you so much Linda! It really is. so glad this resonated with you! big hugs xo

  55. Christianity is on the downward whirlpool spin for sure. We are in the “great falling away first” that Jesus spoke of. But from what you post about NYC it does sound like a godless society. However you also posted about youth mass services that are full. And I heard that the Hillsong Church draws many to Times Square. But just hang in there. Far worse is the wrong guy than no guy. Patience and trust. There is no better than that. Let God bring the right man to you, but he makes us wait. Hang in there. You’ll do just fine. You have a good heart and a very intelligent brain in your head. I wager that you will turn up Aces and win the jackpot.

    • Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing your wonderful insight. Yes – Hillsong is alive and well in NYC! patience and trust — those are key! hugs xox

  56. I’m a Christian… I’m single… and I’ve never once signed up for a dating app. I’m not trying to say that the Christian guys are avoiding the app scene, it’s possible that’s just my personality getting in the way. But, early on, when the likes of Tinder first hit the scene, I was under the impression that it was mostly a way for people to hook up and not necessarily find meaningful relationships. I’m sure that impression in the beginning has tainted my view of, really, any dating app in the App Store. And I’m not trying to judge anyone who uses a dating app, please don’t think that. I’m just saying that could play into a lack of believers swiping right? Or is it left? I don’t even know…

    • Hey friend! that’s a great point, there are a lot of superb guys that simply aren’t on the app! yeah, that’s very true. big hugs xox

  57. Yay, Jesus loving girl here as well. I’m also in the ‘dating scene’, and I hope you are having better luck than me. I am in my mid 40’s and I come from a time before online dating and it seemed much easier back then to just meet people in person and go on a date lol.
    I’m glad you aren’t willing to compromise with what you want…stick to it and God will make sure to bring you the person who is perfect for you.

  58. Yeah, I think it’s time for you to move to the South. We loved Raleigh, NC. Plus, I’m sure it’s a lot warmer in the winter. I know a great church with lots of young people, and yes… don’t compromise! God bless.

    • Oh I love the south 🙂 I could easily be a Charleston girl! Haha thanks 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  59. Listening to you on Patreon, I appreciated your positive thoughts toward the end of the post. (I think to pursue – and which may simply mean to be present – is important.)

    Personally, I will focus on ministry in the weeks and months ahead, and so to put my heart into that

  60. I dunno…
    Sticking your middle finger at the far left
    Supporting a president who makes fun of other races and locks kids in cages and has affairs
    Pedophile priests
    Evangelists with mega churches who take donations from people living paycheck to paycheck
    Apocalypse cheering in the face of climate change
    Shaming women who have abortions
    Gay bashing
    Partnering with the Alt-Right

    How many more people can you alienate?

    Glad you are having a moment of clarity and reflection. I give you credit for that.

    • We are obviously different as to left and right, but you vocalized your views beautifully, and I agree with most of what you said. These issues need to be addressed. Have a wonderful day.

    • None of those things are factual for my personal beliefs, but thanks for stopping by, Megan.

  61. What a frightening statistic. I also believe it all started with removing God from schools. It’s a sad world that we live in. It’s so focused on “me me me” and instant gratification. My faith has truly carried me through the most challenging chapters in my life. I can’t imagine my life without my Catholic faith. Thank you for bringing awareness to this frightening statistic 🙏🏼💕

    • Isn’t it sobering? I agree – our faith sees us through. Thanks Lisa, for stopping by and sharing your heart. big big hugs xox

  62. Looking at the church of which I’m a member, we see, too, that there is a drop off in membership, and even some churches closing.Yet, this is not the same worldwide. In ‘the west’ there is a drop off, but in Africa and Asia there has been a large uptake, and big increase in churches and membership. Is it that Western society thinks it knows so much, that it doesn’t need God anymore?

    i think, in general terms, that this is a post-Christian society in which we live. At least within europe, UK & North America (US, Canada).

    Regarding the future, I’m of the belief that there will come a time (not long now) where ‘The Church’ will be caught up to be with The Lord, and there will be 7 years within which it will be increasingly necessary to worship in secret, before the final Judgement (Armageddon and all that).

    The times they are a changing (c) B Dylan Esq.

    • Thanks David, for sharing this powerful perspective. You’re so right about how the church is on fire in Africa and Asia. We could certainly take a lesson! hugs xox

  63. I once read that more people believe in UFOs then they do in God. That’s a sad commentary on the state of a civilized society. Unfortunately, a number of the churches out there don’t focus on God or Jesus. The pastors are giving motivational speeches rather than delivering the gospel message. You walk out thinking you just watched Tony Robbins for an hour and a half rather than feeling convicted.

    Until the pulpit changes, the people never will.

    • Hi Joe – you’re right about that. People will put their faith in a lot of things these days, other than God. Thanks for sharing your heart. big hugs xox

  64. I’m older than you, and though I married late (and in fact met my husband on a dating website, much to both of our surprise, I think), I suspect both the technology and the culture have changed pretty drastically since I was online dating. Back in my day (she says, wobbling her cane and sucking on her teeth), the common religious designation was “spiritual but not religious.” It is disheartening but not surprising that the shift has become more decidedly atheist/agnostic. On some level that might be in your favor, simply because fewer people now are used to putting a religious identifier on themselves if it isn’t really true and part of their identity.

    The Pilgrimage online ministry I founded and continue to facilitate was born out of a heart for Nones and Dones. I’m pretty terrible at (and maybe ambivalent about) constant online PR for my efforts, though, and I feel like I’m not sure how to enlist more people in this explorative journey. I’m sure we’re both busy (I’m also currently pastoring a church which is…unexpected by me but not by too many other people who know me, apparently), but would you consider some sort of internet-y brainstorming/collaboration session with me at some point? This is I guess not a lot of help with your dating situation (although I have lots to say about dating as a Christian, too!), but it might address, in at least a small-scale way, some of the trends you are describing here.

    • Hi Jenn, thank you so much for sharing your heart and your story. The Pilgrimage sounds like an incredible ministry. I will certainly keep it in my prayers. And sure! big hugs xo

  65. As usual, another thought provoking post; thanks.

    However, w/respect to men in the church consider this book. Intellectually challenging but well worth it.

    The Impotent Church, the Feminization of Christianity by Leon Podles.

    • Hi HAT – thank you so much for sharing this info. sobering. SOBERING. hugs xox

    • Hii friend, thanks so much – you’re right – less wading! hugs xo

  66. I was single for a long time before God gave me my husband. God actually brought him to my front door. A mutual friend wanted to match us up over a period of >10 years plus. There was always a reason why God prevented the actual meeting until His perfect time. I learned I had to be busy serving God and wait for Him to bring His choice for me. Learning patience and trust was a hard lesson. It is always worth the wait for God’s Best. He can make the impossible — possible.

    • Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing your story! Oh my gosh! That’s so incredible! You’re right – He makes the impossible, possible – in His time! big hugs oxx

    • You’re right – God is bigger than any statistic! thanks so much Bonnie for the encouragement and for stopping by! big hugs xo

  67. Great post Caralyn! I too, have noticed this very same trend and have a draft that has been sitting for awhile that discusses the same thing – we as a church have failed so many people out there! More importantly, we’ve failed God and that is a very sad thing! I have a daughter in the same situation, very patiently awaiting for God to send the right one her way, but testing the waters. She also has vowed that her faith is non-negotiable in the deal. I applaud you for holding strong to your commitment to God. As I tell my daughter and many others out there, from experience…”Dance with God and he will let the perfect man cut in” (author unknown) Keep on dancing Caralyn….God will not let you down!

    • Thanks so much!! Oh wow i love that – dance with God!!! Hugs and love xox

  68. This is an interesting observation. It’s definitely sad to see the lack of faith and spirituality in this generation. It also seems that dating apps aren’t the best place to meet decent guys.

    Remember, don’t settle for anything less!

    – Katie

    • Thanks so much Katie. I agree – maybe I’ve got to meet one in the Wild! Haha Hugs and love xox

  69. I think it’s important to understand that I may totally (which I don’t) disagree with what your religious views are but I will defend to the end for you to have them!

      • No problem. It does amaze me how many people have nothing that they will lay everything on the line for and then wonder why they are so unhappy?

    • Thanks Kaitlyn, that seriously is such a GREAT piece of advice! So true! Hugs and love xox

  70. It’s sad what life has become . I can believe the stats of non religious men. It’s scary. I believe God sees all this . If only I knew what he is thinking..

  71. I believe that part of what you’re dealing with is a self – selection process that filters out Believers. Don’t get me wrong – there is a trend towards movement away from religion, but I think your geographical location and the fact that dating apps are used more by an educational/professional demographic more likely to identify as Non-Believer. Doesn’t make it any easier though.

    • That’s an interesting thought! Thanks, David, for sharing this perspective. big hugs xo

  72. My own story is too long to tell here. Suffice it to say that the only thing worse than being alone is being with the wrong person. After a nasty divorce, once I began to become content by myself–that was when I met the one. Then we still waited two years for God’s right time. Lots of growth in those years. God bless!

    • Hi Nancy, thank you so much for this response. I’m sorry that you’ve had a challenging divorce, but I’m so glad to hear that you’ve found happiness and joy now!!! thanks for sharing that. big hgus xo

  73. Hi Caroline!
    My pastor, Benji Kelley, just wrote a book called, “Wrecked and Redeemed”… it’s all about how the Church as a whole has failed us and how to move forward in a world where Christ barely exists anymore. After reading this post I thought you might be interested in it!

  74. Just wanted to let you know that after reading this post I was inspired to write —A Power Chat with God. Thank you for the inspiration

    • Oh wow – thank you so much! I’m so glad it prompted those thoughts! Can’t wait to read it! big hugs xox

  75. Kudos to the post as always! Several things come to mind as I read not only your post, but also the comments along the way of scrolling to the bottom to post my own comment. First, did the church fail a generation? I believe it is a two fold answer. I believe some, not all, of the blame rest on the church, but then I believe there is plenty of blame to go around to dad’s that were emotionally distant and not willing or completely unsure of how to train up boys to become men. Men of God. Men of faith! Men of courage! Men of prayer! The post that I am going to write today is about boys walking around posing as grown ups. Notice I did not say, “posing as men?” That is because they haven’t a clue what that word means. My own dad was part of the church for years. Severed in numerous roles because he wanted to, not because he felt obligated, but ask me how often I saw him on his knees praying. Ask me how often I saw him read his Bible or carry his Bible outside of Sunday. It was not until recently when he went through a serious trial with my mom and her health did he actually come out and briefly talk about getting on his knees at night and praying to God for his wife to be okay. The “men” in the church need to be taking to the time to mentor the youth. I am speaking this to myself as much as I am to anyone that reads this. Men need to be honest about their happiness, their sorrows, their pains, their emotions. Satan convinced men somewhere along the way that it was more manly to hide everything about ourselves, or as much as we can, to show that we are “men.” SMH. No idea, but that was wickedly smart of him. Sorry to ramble on. Great post!

    • Hi Tim, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this post. And wow – what a powerful story with your dad. I think you’re right – there’s a lot of pressure on men to be stoic, but there so much importance in emotion for sure. really enjoy reading your response, thanks again. hugs xo

  76. I did the on line dating thing. Being a Christian and trying to get through all of that mess is amusing at times. There were a lot of times I would get questions about the standards I set, like I was an odd curiosity. The very day and time I was about to delete my profile, thinking I was over it. I got this long drawn out message. I thought, who writes like this? That was five years and one week ago! I married that guy about 10 weeks after getting that message. For me it seems like God always steps in when I’m about to give up.
    You already know, God’s got the right one for you. Hang in there! 😊

    As for the way Christians are representing Christianity today, I agree with you. It’s not just a NYC thing.

    • Thanks Deeds, I appreciate you sharing your story! Oh my gosh that gives me so much hope!! God always steps in for sure! big hugs to you xox

  77. Here’s a nice translation of Proverbs 19:14 (The Message): “House and land are handed down from parents, but a congenial spouse comes straight from God.” Don’t lose heart everyone. Pray for a spouse from God.

    • oh awesome. thank you so much for this wonderful encouragement. big hugs xox

  78. Your struggle is far from a new one. For nine hundred years the Church was persecuted and all but non-existent. I do feel bad for the situation that you find yourself. There are many today that feel persecuted and marginalized by those who are always crying about the marginalized.

    The Christian is first and foremost concerned about honoring Christ with their whole life, and that certainly includes responding well to rejection. I have even lost a job because I dared to share Christ with the bosses son. However, God has always comforted me when I have loved him by expressing to me in ways I can’t express how much more great His love is for me.

    My wife and I have been married for 46 years, and we both share the same faith in Christ. Harmony is a beautiful thing. Patience is more than a virtue for those looking for a spouse, it is a necessity. One of the best lines I have read about dating is this, “Run hard after Christ, and when you see someone keeping up with you, give them a second look.”

    Run hard after Christ, and you will get precisely what you need.

    • Hey Joe, thank you so much for this heartfelt response. Run hard after Christ – i love that so much — such great advice 🙂 big hugs to you xo

  79. I find it no coincidence that you write on this subject now. Recently, my 15 year old son mentioned about living in a “post-Christian” culture. A year after he was born, I began my first masters degree and was reading about postmodernism. We are so far beyond that now. However, I am hopeful. I see many like you who are Jesus-loving. I’m not offering to find you a date, but I am saying that there are godly men out there who are as Jesus-loving as you are. I know you will not settle for anything less.

    • Hi Matthew! Oh wow – you’re so right about that – so so far beyond. But YES! There really IS hope to be found. Thanks for your words of encouragement. After the weekend I’ve had — boy, is that music to my ears!!!! hugs xox

  80. I appreciate this honest and detailed post about what Christian dating is like right now. God has to be involved in the process. I am praying for you and thank you for the encouragement. This article was excellent.

    • Thanks Ada – yeah it’s the Wild West our there. Thank you for your prayers – greatly appreciated!! Hugs and love xox

  81. Religion and spirituality are definitely taking a back seat to science, social media happenings, and the quick-fix apps like Tinder and others. What makes it harder is the inability for religion to keep up with horrific social change like post-birth abortion. New York and many other states have made it legal to kill babies after they are born. I’m firm in my faith, but I can see how hard it can be to claim spirituality in today’s world where there is so much pressure to join the crowd of those who are either not interested or who have left because it is too restrictive to a “woke” social mentality. For me there is no other option than to believe in God. Very timely posting. Have you tried any Christian-based dating apps?

    • Hi Dave, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. Yeah, we are living in unprecidented times. We have to stay alert and diligent in our faith. I have, and to be honest, the christian dating apps are very outdated and clunky. Pretty disappointing, actually. hugs xo