2019: The Post-Christian Era?

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I have happened upon a very sobering trend here in the last few weeks.

As you may know, I have recently thrown my hat into the dating scene. And by that, I mean, diving head first into the deep end without water wings, or a contingency plan.

And so far – so good. Met some nice gentlemen. Met some…nice fellas but terrible daters...and let’s just say, it’s proving to be highly entertaining.

But in my quest for the spark to my fancy, I have come face to face with a startling reality that, I fear, is a precursor to the way of the future.

Go with me here…

Dating apps are evolving. They’re realizing that, as they’re becoming more widely used, people are now demanding more than just a catalogue of faces with a name, age and job title. Users want more information. So – thank goodness – the dating profile is expanding to show a bit more of a person’s personality. And many of the sites now feature “Religion” as one of the options, which – for a Jesus-loving girl like me, is the very first thing I check.

And friends, let’s just say that my field research…it’s taken the wind out of my sails.

Swipe after swipe…would you know that probably 50-60% of the profiles I swipe through list either Atheist or Agnostic as their religion?

Yeah – 3 out of 5 profiles.

Now, let me pause for a moment, and say that – I have nothing against people who are atheist or agnostic! A person’s religious beliefs are their own to make, and every person – no matter of religion, race, nationality, gender, or sexual orientation – is deserving of love and respect and kindness.

It’s just, for my husband-seeking purposes, being a fellow Christ-follower is a non-negotiable for me.

So understandably, I’m taking note of the discrepancy!

But 3 out of 5. I mean, it started out as a joke – How come all the hot guys don’t believe in God?!

But then it became — Oh wow, the majority of guys don’t believe in God.

And that, friends, was a sobering moment.

Now, let’s pause for a moment to recognize that I live in NYC, where – sure, it’s not the midwest or the Bible Belt. But, to be honest, I don’t think this trend of post-christian identity is specific to the Big Apple.

What happened, that people are more inclined to believe in a horoscope sign than our Heavenly Father?

But it’s true – at least in my generation, when it comes to religion, people are either None or Done: They want none of it, or they’re done with it.

Which, frankly, communicates to me that we, as a church family, have done a horrible job of making people feel welcome, feel accepted, feel heard, feel protected, feel not judged.

That’s on us, frankly. Because who wants to spend time in a community that makes you feel inadequate or sinful or ostracized.

But that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms. A post for a different day.

But all of this, illuminates that, we’re living in a society where, there is no “Capital T” Truth anymore. Everyone is entitled to have their own truth. The “My Truth” mindset has resulted in the dissolution of The Truth, and we wind up with 71 genders on Facebook as a result. #JustSayin

But what does this mean? Is the church going to have to go underground? Are people in the future going to have to worship from behind closed doors, streaming a speakeasy church service through their Apple TV from an encrypted dark web address?

How are we to navigate a society that no longer recognizes our place under God?

It’s going to take faith. A lot of it. A faith that can withstand persecution, ridicule, humiliation, and prejudice. A brave faith that refuses to back down in the face of unthinkable acts of religious violence and shootings.

It’s going to take strong communities and fortifying relationships.

And it’s going to take courage to live out our faith, in a none and done world.

So what does all this mean for my dating pursuits? Well, it just means that I’m going to have to just look harder. And perhaps, look elsewhere. And go where the Jesus-loving men hang out. Because they’re out there. They may be harder to find, but if there’s one thing I can bet the house on, it’s that God is in control.

And I can strive and search all I want, but at the end of the day, God is going to bring Mr. Right into my life. I am absolutely sure of that.

Sounds like I should actually be working on patience more than anything else.

What do you think? Have you noticed a similar trend in your area?

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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337 thoughts on “2019: The Post-Christian Era?”

  1. My own story is too long to tell here. Suffice it to say that the only thing worse than being alone is being with the wrong person. After a nasty divorce, once I began to become content by myself–that was when I met the one. Then we still waited two years for God’s right time. Lots of growth in those years. God bless!

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    1. Hi Nancy, thank you so much for this response. I’m sorry that you’ve had a challenging divorce, but I’m so glad to hear that you’ve found happiness and joy now!!! thanks for sharing that. big hgus xo

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  2. Hi Caroline!
    My pastor, Benji Kelley, just wrote a book called, “Wrecked and Redeemed”… it’s all about how the Church as a whole has failed us and how to move forward in a world where Christ barely exists anymore. After reading this post I thought you might be interested in it!

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    2. Oh wow that sounds like a fascinating read! I’ll definitely have to check it out! Thanks so much! Hugs and love xox

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  3. Just wanted to let you know that after reading this post I was inspired to write —A Power Chat with God. Thank you for the inspiration

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    1. Oh wow – thank you so much! I’m so glad it prompted those thoughts! Can’t wait to read it! big hugs xox

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  4. Kudos to the post as always! Several things come to mind as I read not only your post, but also the comments along the way of scrolling to the bottom to post my own comment. First, did the church fail a generation? I believe it is a two fold answer. I believe some, not all, of the blame rest on the church, but then I believe there is plenty of blame to go around to dad’s that were emotionally distant and not willing or completely unsure of how to train up boys to become men. Men of God. Men of faith! Men of courage! Men of prayer! The post that I am going to write today is about boys walking around posing as grown ups. Notice I did not say, “posing as men?” That is because they haven’t a clue what that word means. My own dad was part of the church for years. Severed in numerous roles because he wanted to, not because he felt obligated, but ask me how often I saw him on his knees praying. Ask me how often I saw him read his Bible or carry his Bible outside of Sunday. It was not until recently when he went through a serious trial with my mom and her health did he actually come out and briefly talk about getting on his knees at night and praying to God for his wife to be okay. The “men” in the church need to be taking to the time to mentor the youth. I am speaking this to myself as much as I am to anyone that reads this. Men need to be honest about their happiness, their sorrows, their pains, their emotions. Satan convinced men somewhere along the way that it was more manly to hide everything about ourselves, or as much as we can, to show that we are “men.” SMH. No idea, but that was wickedly smart of him. Sorry to ramble on. Great post!

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    1. Hi Tim, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this post. And wow – what a powerful story with your dad. I think you’re right – there’s a lot of pressure on men to be stoic, but there so much importance in emotion for sure. really enjoy reading your response, thanks again. hugs xo

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  5. I did the on line dating thing. Being a Christian and trying to get through all of that mess is amusing at times. There were a lot of times I would get questions about the standards I set, like I was an odd curiosity. The very day and time I was about to delete my profile, thinking I was over it. I got this long drawn out message. I thought, who writes like this? That was five years and one week ago! I married that guy about 10 weeks after getting that message. For me it seems like God always steps in when I’m about to give up.
    You already know, God’s got the right one for you. Hang in there! 😊

    As for the way Christians are representing Christianity today, I agree with you. It’s not just a NYC thing.

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    1. Thanks Deeds, I appreciate you sharing your story! Oh my gosh that gives me so much hope!! God always steps in for sure! big hugs to you xox

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  6. Here’s a nice translation of Proverbs 19:14 (The Message): “House and land are handed down from parents, but a congenial spouse comes straight from God.” Don’t lose heart everyone. Pray for a spouse from God.

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  7. Your struggle is far from a new one. For nine hundred years the Church was persecuted and all but non-existent. I do feel bad for the situation that you find yourself. There are many today that feel persecuted and marginalized by those who are always crying about the marginalized.

    The Christian is first and foremost concerned about honoring Christ with their whole life, and that certainly includes responding well to rejection. I have even lost a job because I dared to share Christ with the bosses son. However, God has always comforted me when I have loved him by expressing to me in ways I can’t express how much more great His love is for me.

    My wife and I have been married for 46 years, and we both share the same faith in Christ. Harmony is a beautiful thing. Patience is more than a virtue for those looking for a spouse, it is a necessity. One of the best lines I have read about dating is this, “Run hard after Christ, and when you see someone keeping up with you, give them a second look.”

    Run hard after Christ, and you will get precisely what you need.

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    1. Hey Joe, thank you so much for this heartfelt response. Run hard after Christ – i love that so much — such great advice 🙂 big hugs to you xo

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  8. I find it no coincidence that you write on this subject now. Recently, my 15 year old son mentioned about living in a “post-Christian” culture. A year after he was born, I began my first masters degree and was reading about postmodernism. We are so far beyond that now. However, I am hopeful. I see many like you who are Jesus-loving. I’m not offering to find you a date, but I am saying that there are godly men out there who are as Jesus-loving as you are. I know you will not settle for anything less.

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    1. Hi Matthew! Oh wow – you’re so right about that – so so far beyond. But YES! There really IS hope to be found. Thanks for your words of encouragement. After the weekend I’ve had — boy, is that music to my ears!!!! hugs xox

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  10. I appreciate this honest and detailed post about what Christian dating is like right now. God has to be involved in the process. I am praying for you and thank you for the encouragement. This article was excellent.

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    1. Thanks Ada – yeah it’s the Wild West our there. Thank you for your prayers – greatly appreciated!! Hugs and love xox

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  11. Religion and spirituality are definitely taking a back seat to science, social media happenings, and the quick-fix apps like Tinder and others. What makes it harder is the inability for religion to keep up with horrific social change like post-birth abortion. New York and many other states have made it legal to kill babies after they are born. I’m firm in my faith, but I can see how hard it can be to claim spirituality in today’s world where there is so much pressure to join the crowd of those who are either not interested or who have left because it is too restrictive to a “woke” social mentality. For me there is no other option than to believe in God. Very timely posting. Have you tried any Christian-based dating apps?

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    1. Hi Dave, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. Yeah, we are living in unprecidented times. We have to stay alert and diligent in our faith. I have, and to be honest, the christian dating apps are very outdated and clunky. Pretty disappointing, actually. hugs xo

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      1. Yeah, I figured you already went down that road. It’ll happen. Don’t force it. The right guy is out there. Just keep your eyes and ears open.

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  13. Mathew, chapter 24 tells about the falling away of people and some encouragement for those who continue.

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  14. Grrr – Wrote a big long response to tell you how much I loved this TWICE – but it didn’t load.
    Fingers crossed third time’s the charm!
    I love that you mention the church in all of this. I think so many people have been turned off by Christianity because the church has lost its way. Some think biggoted or hateful condemnation of others makes them seem pious – but God comand us to share His LOVE and gospel with all men and to treat others as borthers and sisters. It’s not a new idea – even would-be converts asked, “Who is my neighbor?” It’s much harder to show love to those who don’t believe as we do – but that is what the church must do to draw people in. Great post!

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    1. Oh gosh I’m sorry it didn’t load!! How frustrating gosh. Thanks so much for sharing your heart – you’re so right! Share His love!! And I totally agree 🙂 so glad you stopped by and thanks for the perseverance! Hugs and love xox

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  15. Oh my word, I SO appreciate this post. First, God bless you as you enter the dating world! My wife and I started dating just over three years ago and got married almost two years ago. We met – BY MISTAKE mind you – through Christian Mingle. We were both divorced and my wife reluctantly set up a profile because her friend made her do it. And then she sent me a SMILEY face BY MISTAKE which led me to follow up and eventually ask her for a date! The rest is history and we believe God had His hand on it all. BUT – I sympathize with your issue. Finding a Christ follower is NOT easy. I don’t think it’s even worth using any of the dating sites that aren’t Christian based. Even Christian Mingle has weaknesses but it’s not as bad as the others. However, I have to say it might just be easier to network through the Christian churches in your area! This “Post Christian Era” is a tough one. We are trying to reach all married couples through https://marriedstrong.com/ and we know that we have many followers who are athiest and some who have same sex marriages. But ultimately we want to spread the Gospel so we try to do it without beating people over the head with it. Challenge at times.
    We love following you and so appreciate your transparency. Blessings, Mike https://marriedstrong.com/about-joya-and-michael/

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    1. Thanks for sharing your love story!! God will always find a way!! 🙂 and wow – what an awesome ministry. I look forward to checking it out 🙂 have a great weekend, Mike! Hugs and love xox

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    1. I just got it! WordPress does this weird thing that if there are two or more links in the comment it flags it as a possible bot, and puts it in my “pending approval” folder. Sorry about that! It’s up now!! Thanks again for your comment! Xox

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  17. I enjoyed your article. I must say that things have dramatically changed since I was your age. I’ve been married over 41 years with hardly an argument or disagreement during all that time. The Lord certainly put us together. I can’t imagine the challenge that you have in this culture.
    One thing I would add, however, is that while I understand the importance of how we treat other with different beliefs, it is always adamant upon us to stand for righteousness. Instead of bending and waffling to accommodate others and not offend them, let your stand for righteousness speak for itself and let God do the work for you. Remember that the preaching of the Cross is foolishness to the unsaved, but it is also by the foolishness of preaching that men are saved. True love for people is manifested by telling them the truth.

    And wow, you have done a great job in promotions! Wish I had your skills at promoting your website. I may be too old to lean new tricks, but I certainly can appreciate what you’ve accomplished.

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    1. Thanks so much Dale. And wow! 41 years! That’s really something To celebrate. I appreciate you sharing that. Hugs and love xox

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  18. Hang in there! Keep your standards high and refuse to compromise. This is such an important issue – even being married to a believer will be tough (I’ve been married for 48 years and there have been many ups and downs), but being married to an unbeliever must be many times more difficult. God wants the best for you and your future husband. I’m glad you added the bit about how God is in control…trust that with all your heart. But one question for you: will you be accepting of His will if it is for you to remain single for the rest of your life? I hope that it is in His plan for you to find the right guy for you and for you to have a wonderful, fulfilling marriage. But don’t let being married become your primary meaning or goal in life. You are already on the right path with your love for Jesus and desire to walk with him. I will pray that God leads you to the right guy at the right time. From reading your posts I can tell that your faith is genuine and strong. What you are doing with writing and sharing your story is helping many, many people in ways you can’t imagine. Keep up the great work and wonderful testimony!

    As to our culture – it can be discouraging and frightening. When I think of the way it will be for my grandchildren as they grow and become adults, I can easily be fearful but I know He holds them in His hand, He loves them more than I could ever love them (which is saying a LOT!), and He will not fail any of us. Much prayer and faithfulness in sharing his love is called for.

    God bless you today and always!

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    1. Thank you so much Galen. Wow 48 years! That’s really something to celebrate!! I so appreciate your kind words and support. Hugs and love xox

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  19. Thank you for this! I am 26 and still looking around. I tried dating sites for like 3 seconds and logged out. I know a lot of people might think looking for a man with a serious love for Jesus might be too much but for ME it isn’t and its nice to see people out there saying the same thing! Hes out there for ya I believe it!

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    1. Thanks so much Rebeca for sharing your heart! I get why you logged out – I get it!! Haha and gosh thanks for the encouragement! Same for you friend!! Hugs and love xox

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  20. I live in Canada, in a rural area where there are lots of churches, and lots of good church folks. Not long ago, I lived and served as a pastor in a more urban area, with a lot more churches, but many less folks involved in church. I spent a lot of time with people who would never set foot in a church. I often met them because they needed help with a funeral, and wanted a minister who would not judge them, or their loved one, and who would not alienate the people invited to the funeral. I found that people have a lot of reasons for distancing themselves from organized Christianity. Churches, the people in them, and many preachers, have said and done many unfortunate things over the years. That is true in Canada, and in the United States, where some of the loudest voices for “Christianity” have aligned themselves with political forces, and political causes, that are simply hate-filled, and hateful to women, to people of other faiths, to non-whites, to anyone who even whispers about gun-control, or a woman’s right to manage her own body. I actually take it as a hopeful sign that so many people want nothing to do with some of the nonsense spouted by people claiming to represent faith in the God of Jesus Christ. Peace, Darrow Woods

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    1. Thanks so much Darrow for sharing your heart and what’s going on in Canada. It sounds like you have a very important ministry! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  21. Wow, you have so many comments. It took a long time to scroll down! You have written an interesting and thought provoking article. I have not read all of the comments, but some of them brought out serious and real problems in the churches and in our world. Although I don’t defend the churches for being hypocritical, I want to take issue with those that blame the churches. Just because people are sinning doesn’t mean that you throw out God. God does not approve of sin. So if you don’t like the hypocrisy of the churches or of people who say that they are Christian, why don’t you get to know God Himself? He’s really the best there is. Always kind with no thought (at all!) of evil, always loving and doing everything he can to help each and every one of his children. He will do what is the absolute best for you even if you think that it’s not. Imagine that. He’s willing to take the risk of you hating Him so that even while you’re hating Him, he can still try to help you.

    BBB – I will pray that you (and my daughters!) find God-loving and kind men to both date and marry, someone with whom you can have interesting conversations and who will love you for who you are.

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    1. Thanks so much! Yeah I have been so touched by all the thoughtful comments! Thanks so much for your kind words and prayers. I believe in His plan and I trust He is preparing the heart of my future husband right now 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  22. Sister, I’ve been in public education for 27 years now. The weight of deteriorating families, refusal to submit to any authority (especially God), and straight up love of self is on the verge of destroying U.S. At the same time I see a small number of students who are more serious about their faith, because even in church there are those who profess to know Christ but have a lifestyle and belief little different from the rest of the world. I too believe in God’s sovereignty. You don’t need to “hunt” for a godly guy. God will plop him in your lap as you pray and wait. I never dated but just prayed and waited. One Autumn season this girl just kept showing up at every Bible Study and church event. She wasn’t pursuing me, she just was being invited by a neighbor. We got into conversation, a friendship began, and a year later we were married. Obviously, there is much more to the love story than that, but 5 children, 6 grandchildren, and 38 years later we are still together and like each other.

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    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I think you might be right. We need people on fire for their faith. And thanks for sharing your beautiful love story!! oh my gosh, 38 years – that is really something to celebrate. you’ve given me great hope! thank you!!! !

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  23. Hello Beautiful!

    Well I am a lot closer to LA, but Your story is consistent to what I hear about dating in New York. I think it is wonderful that despite all of the challenges you are still willing to put yourself out there! .You are right about us as a church body, we must be better about making people feel welcome. But also my sister we are living in the last days where there is a hunger and thirst for righteousness as share with us in the Bible! But hey you are right God will send you your hubby! Just continue having faith in him. Be encouraged and don’t be weary in well doing! Peace and blessings your way! Just curious have you always lived in New York?

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    1. Thanks Chauntel! Yeah NYC and LA dating scenes have a lot of similarities. Thank you for the encouragement! I am originally from Ohio! And went to college in Colorado!

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  24. Caralyn, you wrote another thought provoking post. Right now we are definitely in a time when there are fewer believers in Jesus. But I do not think it will remain so. People that have gone through a form of religion and deny its power of the blood of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, miss it. Many want to do their own thing and do not realize there is an opportunity for a close relationship with God that changes everything. We will see a turning back to God and changed lives soon. God will bring the right husband for you. Love and hugs! XOXO

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    1. Thank you so much for these thoughtful words. I sure hope you are right! Will join you in that prayer! And thanks for your encouragement! Hugs and love xox

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