2019: The Post-Christian Era?

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I have happened upon a very sobering trend here in the last few weeks.

As you may know, I have recently thrown my hat into the dating scene. And by that, I mean, diving head first into the deep end without water wings, or a contingency plan.

And so far – so good. Met some nice gentlemen. Met some…nice fellas but terrible daters...and let’s just say, it’s proving to be highly entertaining.

But in my quest for the spark to my fancy, I have come face to face with a startling reality that, I fear, is a precursor to the way of the future.

Go with me here…

Dating apps are evolving. They’re realizing that, as they’re becoming more widely used, people are now demanding more than just a catalogue of faces with a name, age and job title. Users want more information. So – thank goodness – the dating profile is expanding to show a bit more of a person’s personality. And many of the sites now feature “Religion” as one of the options, which – for a Jesus-loving girl like me, is the very first thing I check.

And friends, let’s just say that my field research…it’s taken the wind out of my sails.

Swipe after swipe…would you know that probably 50-60% of the profiles I swipe through list either Atheist or Agnostic as their religion?

Yeah – 3 out of 5 profiles.

Now, let me pause for a moment, and say that – I have nothing against people who are atheist or agnostic! A person’s religious beliefs are their own to make, and every person – no matter of religion, race, nationality, gender, or sexual orientation – is deserving of love and respect and kindness.

It’s just, for my husband-seeking purposes, being a fellow Christ-follower is a non-negotiable for me.

So understandably, I’m taking note of the discrepancy!

But 3 out of 5. I mean, it started out as a joke – How come all the hot guys don’t believe in God?!

But then it became — Oh wow, the majority of guys don’t believe in God.

And that, friends, was a sobering moment.

Now, let’s pause for a moment to recognize that I live in NYC, where – sure, it’s not the midwest or the Bible Belt. But, to be honest, I don’t think this trend of post-christian identity is specific to the Big Apple.

What happened, that people are more inclined to believe in a horoscope sign than our Heavenly Father?

But it’s true – at least in my generation, when it comes to religion, people are either None or Done: They want none of it, or they’re done with it.

Which, frankly, communicates to me that we, as a church family, have done a horrible job of making people feel welcome, feel accepted, feel heard, feel protected, feel not judged.

That’s on us, frankly. Because who wants to spend time in a community that makes you feel inadequate or sinful or ostracized.

But that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms. A post for a different day.

But all of this, illuminates that, we’re living in a society where, there is no “Capital T” Truth anymore. Everyone is entitled to have their own truth. The “My Truth” mindset has resulted in the dissolution of The Truth, and we wind up with 71 genders on Facebook as a result. #JustSayin

But what does this mean? Is the church going to have to go underground? Are people in the future going to have to worship from behind closed doors, streaming a speakeasy church service through their Apple TV from an encrypted dark web address?

How are we to navigate a society that no longer recognizes our place under God?

It’s going to take faith. A lot of it. A faith that can withstand persecution, ridicule, humiliation, and prejudice. A brave faith that refuses to back down in the face of unthinkable acts of religious violence and shootings.

It’s going to take strong communities and fortifying relationships.

And it’s going to take courage to live out our faith, in a none and done world.

So what does all this mean for my dating pursuits? Well, it just means that I’m going to have to just look harder. And perhaps, look elsewhere. And go where the Jesus-loving men hang out. Because they’re out there. They may be harder to find, but if there’s one thing I can bet the house on, it’s that God is in control.

And I can strive and search all I want, but at the end of the day, God is going to bring Mr. Right into my life. I am absolutely sure of that.

Sounds like I should actually be working on patience more than anything else.

What do you think? Have you noticed a similar trend in your area?

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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337 thoughts on “2019: The Post-Christian Era?”

    1. Thank you so much for this wonderful encouragement. That is my deepest prayer! i appreciate you taking the time to read! big hugs xox

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  2. It is a shame but from what I am seeing the church has often damaged itself in many ways. Young people are looking at its fruit and many young people are not liking what they are seeing in many cases. In my experience many churches appear to have forgotten what it is really all about and are merely going through the motions. I took my daughter to something a couple of months ago and instead of welcoming a fresh, young face they all sat there. Nobody offered us a seat, let alone refreshment and she had gone home totally disillusioned. It was a social event. They all had the chance to show some warmth and hospitality, yet they had sat there like dead fish.
    My friend was telling me the other day that she had spoken to a vicar’s wife, who had also unbelievably felt ignored.
    The way to reach people, is to do what you did and offer warm, non-judgemental conversation and kindness, listening as well as talking.I was investigating Meetup the other day and found much the same thing as you. Society seems to be moving away from the church in droves.

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    1. I think there’s a lot of truth in that – going through the motions. We need a fervor for Christ!! And gosh, I’m so sorry that your daughter had that experience — gosh, that is so disappointing. thanks for sharing your thoughts! hugs xox

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  3. Be careful with dating sites and dating apps Carolyn I did an experiment some years ago where I profiled many of the most popular dating sites and also the most popular Christian dating sites… On average 1 out of every 100 profiles are genuine the rest are either dating site employee’s, scammers or robots after three months I was able to pick the scammers and bots in about 60 seconds I have never used a dating app and never will because I have no doubts most of the people on dating sites are only interested in taking the few genuine people on them for a ride to the bank or simply keep you paying while employee’s with fake profiles keep you coughing up the funds in the hope you will find Mr or Miss perfect.
    Taking advantage of another persons loneliness or vulnerability is one of the lowest most despicable acts that others can engage in.

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  4. While here in the UK it’s definately true that christianity in general is in steep decline, I’ve come to see some definate plusses also. From a 60 year perspective, as a child almost everyone believed in God but in a very distant inpersonal way. Now christians are definately in the minority, however the number of active, believing, christians with a personal relationship with Jesus is growing by leaps and bounds. I never heard so many stories of miracles and healing etc. While institutional christianity is in decline true christianity is rapidly expanding. I don’t think this is particular to the UK by any means.
    Could this be the “falling away first” Jesus mentioned. Certainly persecution grows strong christians and strong churches as those with no depth of soil wither and fall away the good ground brings forth much fruit.

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    1. Hi Claire, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I think you’re right – even though the numbers may be dwindling, those that have remained are stronger than ever. Big hugs to you xox

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  5. Well… On the topic of religion itself, on my dating profile, I did put in Christian. However I’ve come to learn that just because someone says they’re Christian, doesn’t necessary mean that they actually ARE Christian.
    For instance, most of the Catholic people I know are so, not because of beliefs, but because of tradition. They were born Catholic, therefore they remain so and follow all the traditions that suit. Do they really believe what they say and do in the church, no.. its done for the sake of doing. A sense of belonging.. No real conviction.
    As for the church group I attend, its not Catholic. Frankly we don’t know what we are. We just call ourselves Full Gospel, because that what we believe. We follow the Bible, letter to letter and don’t pick and choose. We’re part Pentecostal in a our belief in the sense that we operate in the gifts of the spirit.
    It is really a shame that the body of Christ is so divided into such denominational sects. Even more so that in no matter which denomination you go to, there will be people who are there, not because they truly believe, but because tradition dictates.

    You are correct. People reject identifying with Christianity because the church has failed. We became delusional, judgemental, hypocrites; falling into the similar rut of other religions and letting traditions dictate our steps when the one who should be leading is the Holy Spirit. In essence, Christianity was never mean’t to be a religion, we the church failed and turned it into one.

    As for Godly, bible believing single Christian men, we exist Caralyn. I’m one…
    I’m going to be completely honest here Caralyn.. Just because someone says that he loves God, doesn’t necessary mean that he is who is says he is. So you need to do what Paul says the watch for the fruits of the Spirit.
    Let God be your guide. Just find someone with whom you can be your complete self with. Not necessarily a Christian, but is open to attending church with you, having a honest discussion about his feelings on the subject, etc.
    I know of a couple of people who started out that way.. Guess what, their so called boyfriend / girlfriend became strong believers in Christ. One such couple are my parents. 🙂
    It is true that you should not be “Yoked” with a non-believer but its better than being yoked to a hypocrite. Don’t close your heart out to someone who isn’t as religious as you. Perhaps your faith will cause him to see the light.
    The bottom line is regardless the faith or religious beliefs of the person you are dating, you should be careful to not let him distract you from your faith and your goals in Christ. Its a thin line.. It’s always a thin line.

    In my own dating pursuits, religion is last on the list. Someone said that it should be first. But in truth, I’m looking for someone who isn’t afraid to be who they really are around me and I with them and I’m leaning on the guidance of the Spirit of God to tell me, “Yes.. she is the one.”
    I know the kind of person I want to be married to and if that isn’t on the cards, then I’d rather be single.

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    1. Let God be my guide, that is such great advice. Thank you, friend, for this thoughtful response. hugs to you xox

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  6. Yet again you raise an interesting point it drew my thoughts to one of the last books written by Jesus Apostles – 1 John 5: 19
    And we know that we are of God, and the whole world lieth in wickedness. (KJV) or as the ASV renders it 1″9 We know that we are of God, and the whole world lieth in the evil one.” Other translations indicate that the idea is that humanity demonstrates that Satan has control.
    Jesus own words during his last few days on earth when he spoke to his Apostles about the “last days or end times” in Matthew 24:12 “And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. 13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.” (KJV)
    When we look at the context we appreciate that people will turn away from christianity, will persecute Christians (just look at Russia, China, the Arab States and where Islam is the leading faith). But here is the surprise for many look at the UK, France, Germany in fact most of Europe – secularism is the a modern God, it is foolish to believe in God and more ridiculous to openly state you have faith.
    Society based on the values of Christianity is collapsing because they reject those very tenets.
    The Apostle Paul refers to people having their minds blocked from seeing God.
    So you make the point about “Truth” Pilate asked “What is Truth?” like him modern society doesn’t want to know but Jesus answered that question early in his ministry when he said “I am the way; the TRUTH; and the life”
    So if the whole world is under Satans control to find what you seek you need to search in a place where there is no room for “the world”. Jesus made it clear that to find his disciples we need to be “No part of THE WORLD”.

    This is important for all young Christians to realise.

    Enjoyed reading your thoughts – keeping seeking because it will be openned to you is Jesus expression.

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    1. Hi Mark, thank you for this thoughtful response. No part of the world – that is an important thing to realize indeed. hugs xo

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  7. Dear Caralyn
    You are open to God, and you are seeking to do His will. He will use you, and provide you with all you need. Place your search for a husband in His hands and leave it up to Him. He knows you much better than any on-line dating site!
    With love in Jesus
    Penny xx

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    1. Thank you so much Penny, I really appreciate this beautiful encouragment. Amen – leave it up to Him! that’s the best advice@ 🙂 hugs xox

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  8. Hi Caralyn

    I’ve felt for several years now that we are moving into a “Post-Christian” society in the West. Alarmingly the emerging nations of Africa are seeking to emulate that, believing it to be “better” than their own cultures because their exposure to Western society is through television shows like The Bachelor, and now even Internet/Netflix shows – fiction and “fact” (as opposed to Truth).

    I found out yesterday that from 2020 in the UK that Primary Schools will teach about “normal” families – and that apparently parents will not be able to withdraw their children from these lessons based on religious belief. They will also be “helped” to identify their own sexuality – aged 7 or 8 years.

    It’s turning into the situation Paul found in Athens. “Educated” men rejecting the Gospel because they know better.

    Most of the people I was friends with 25 years ago have quit church. Over half of them were actually driven out by the leadership. Even one of my old pastors. Marriages crumbled and instead of trying to help save the relationships they condemned both spouses.

    This World is moving full speed into what Jesus spoke about the Last Days looking like.

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    1. Hi David, wow what a powerful response – that is scary about the primary schools. yikes. I’m afraid you’re right about htat. hugs xox

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      1. I should add perhaps that I met my wife online almost 18 years ago, long before the plethora of “christian” (note small “c”) dating sites came along. We married in 2003 and while we’ve had our share (and a few other couples’ share) of problems we still love each other and welcomed our first baby last year.

        Never give up on God. He has a tendency to surprise us!

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      2. oh my gosh congratulations on your new addition! and that is so wonderful – gives me great hope. thank you for that 🙂 hugs xo

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  9. I gave up the online dating thing after a few months. I had truly given up the whole idea of finding someone with the same values as myself until Mr. Awesome came dancing into my life.
    God has a plan and He will bring your Mr. Right in your life when the time is right.
    😊

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    1. Hi Susie! Thank you so much for sharing your heart on this. Amen – God has a plan, I do trust that. Thank you for this beautiful encouragement. So happy for you and Mr. Awesome!!!! 🙂 hugs xox

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  10. The bigger picture is one of faith. As the Pharisees closed in on Jesus he said to Peter: “And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.”
    ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭16:18‬ ‭NIV‬‬
    While the people are leaving Church in droves we must understand that infighting, gossip, and judgment causes people to leave the faith or never stop we must remain strong hope that there are enough people to stand together against the attitudes of those who attempt to divide us. Unfortunately those people are sometimes in the church, and we must resist a legalistic attitude that moves us away from loving those newcomers who are different and have a story rather than alienating them. Love as an example is an amazing weapon against the attitude that builds a stereotype as to what the church represents.

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    1. Hi Brian, thank you so much for this response. You’re right – we need to love and welcome the newcomers! Love is the answer! hugs xox

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  11. Yet God believes in them. They might not be dating pool right now, but it’s hard telling what God’s up to in people’s hearts. Both heaven and earth are likely to be full of surprises. 🙂

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  12. Great post. I really enjoyed this blog post. God will surely bring you someone. Just continue to seek Him in everything. And also put yourself out there. You never know where you will meet the one God has in stored for you. God has a plan. He had a plan when he brought Eve to Adam and in the same way, He has an awesome plan for all His children. We just have to continue to abide in Him. Things will fall in pleasant places for you and the one He brings your way will be aligned with God’s will.

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  13. I wish I could reassure you that God will provide you a wonderful, godly husband. But that might not be his plan for your life. Better to remain single than to end up in a godless marriage with heartbreak and frustration and trying to raise children that love God but who only have one true Christian parent. So be careful to listen to the Spirit. 🙂

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    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful reassurance and encouragment. You’re so right about that – better to be patient for the right man! hugs xo

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  14. oh man! This post speaks to me, Caralyn! Sadly, i’m finding that the same is true with women of faith. I’m in the middle (or actually probably end) of getting out of a relationship with an deist (at best) woman who grew up going to Catholic school. Sad to say that there’s very little Catholic left in her, so much so that she would get annoyed with me going to Mass on Holy Days of Obligation and couldn’t understand why i would go to confession so much. “Why are you going to confession?! Are you THAT much of a sinner??” she would ask. SMH. I should have known to run, but i decided to walk instead. Live and learn, right? But the good thing is that i’m more at a jog now distancing myself because i need a woman of faith in my life, a Catholic woman at that, because i shouldn’t have to choose between our Lord and a fight with somebody who claims to care about me, right?

    Anyway, I hope God blesses you with the right man, my friend! All we can do is pray!

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    1. Hi David! I’m so glad this resonated with you. thank you so much for sharing your story, I’m sorry you’re walking this challenging season right now. You’re right – prayer is powerful 🙂 big hugs to you xox

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  15. This is an insightful post.

    Well, I don’t subscribe to dating apps. I trust God to bring my man my way in His timing.

    Saying one is a Christian doesn’t necessarily mean one acts as one.

    Look at Jesus, before He ascended to the Father, He said if anyone loved Him, they’ll do His commandments.

    But we have several people claim to love Him with their words but deny Him in their hearts and by their actions.

    Instead of picking on people, we should let the Word of God work in our hearts and be led by the Spirit of God.

    In time, our spouses will find us.

    Until then, let’s be still and know He is God even when His creation denies Him.

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  16. It’s a sad reflection of our society…but with all the craziness that is acceptable nowadays, it doesn’t really surprise me. I wish it did! Our church is NOT a place that I enjoy going every Sunday 😦 It makes me sad to feel this way, but it’s the truth. It’s not a welcoming community. It should be, but it isn’t. We don’t have new people coming in, and even if they did, there would be no one to welcome them. My husband and I are one of the only couples in our church with young children. There is maybe one or two others, but that’s it. Who is going to replace all the older people (of which the majority of our church is made up) in the pews? Very sad, but we do our best to raise our kids with a knowledge of God and all He has done for us.
    God WILL bring the man into your life that He wants you to marry. Patience is key…it’s hard, but worth it. In the meantime, be careful and keep your eyes open for the one. 🙂 God Bless!

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    1. hi friend, I think sadly, you’re right– it’s not surprising at all. And so true – patience is key, and definitely worth it. thank you for the encouragement 🙂 big hugs xo

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    2. Aww, I’m so sorry to hear your church is like that. Maybe look around for a different one? I think church has many purposes, with worship being the most important, but a loving , welcoming church family sure is a nice thing.

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      1. I think we are getting to that point! I agree that worship is the most important, but even that is lacking lately 😦 There’s too much “other stuff” going on to really focus on the point of church! (And I’m not talking about being distracted by our little ones) The church I attended as a child I remember had greeters handing out bulletins every Sunday. And they were never too busy to say Hi, thank you for coming, etc. etc. Just makes the whole experience that much more. Hopefully we will find something at some point that really helps us to get more out of the service!

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    3. One Sunday morning a mother come into her son’s room and wakes him up..
      “Son, get up and get down to the church, you’re going to be late.”
      Half an hour rolls by and the mother walks in and see her son still in bed. She cries out again, “Son! Get up, get ready and head down to the church, you’re going to be late”.
      After another 30 mins, she still sees him in bed and repeats her call. To which he son replies, “Mom, I’m going to give you 2 reasons why, I’m not going to church today. 1. There’s people there who don’t like me. 2. There’s people there whom I don’t like.”
      The mother replies, “I’m going to give you two reasons why you SHOULD get down to the church. 1. You’re 40 years old and your mother still has to tell you what to do.. 2. You’re the Pastor of the church. NOW GET DOWN THERE!!!.”

      Pastor John Hagee said it rightly.. “You will never find a perfect church. And if you, DON’T JOIN!.. It won’t be perfect anymore.”
      I’m sure that each one of us can think of a few things wrong with the church-groups we attend. I can think of a few of mine. However that isn’t the real point of attending church. It is to be encouraged to move forward in our faith.
      Yes.. The church is supposed to welcoming, encouraging, etc. But if you’re not getting that, it doesn’t mean that you need to switch groups. Or stop completely. I know from 1st hand experience, that doesn’t lead anywhere good.
      The focus shouldn’t be on whether the church is a place of enjoyment and welcoming. The focus should be on Christ. He is the reason that you’re going. Nothing else. The moment you learn that, all the issues, etc. become meaningless.

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  17. Patience is a virtue my friend! Mr. Right will come along. You know in the bible it says the husband will find the wife………So, just think about that! Have a wonderful blessed day.

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    1. yes! patience is definitely what I need right now. Thank you for the beautiful encouragment, Lane! have a great day! hugs xox

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  18. You are a beautiful writer! I’m in the same scene in Texas and it’s the same way! I filter my app for religious beliefs and it keeps telling me to “widen my preferences.” Nope! Not budging on that one. 😉. Good luck on your search, it can be highly entertaining… thank you for being. Vulnerable and brave in sharing your experiences!

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    1. Hi Andrea, oh gosh thank you so much! Widen your preferences – HAH! You stay strong girl. God’s got the right men out there for us! big hugs to you xox

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  19. I think that, because the modern society we live in continues to be less moral with each passing day, the men you wrote about are anything but eager to obey a moral God. Pray for patience and God will deliver a “good one” to you when the time’s right.

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    1. Thank you so much Rollie, that’s really great advice. Praying for patience!! 🙂 glad you stopped by! hugs xox

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  20. There are specific Catholic dating services like Catholic Match. May help you find someone with the same values.

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    1. Hi friend! Yes! I have dabbled in catholic match and christian mingle. I came up unsuccessful, but maybe I should give it another go. Thanks for the great suggestion!! big hugs to you xox

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  22. Hey Big beauty… As an eternal optimist, I’ll offer up to you that perhaps, like you stated that the dating apps are seeking more and more personal information, it has truly become a Privacy issue. As such, I offer that as a result of increasing religious persecution and targeting, daters are much less willing to divulge their religious affiliation… Just a thought. My suggestion is to forget the dating sites and spend your time physically going to places that may attract those you seek; church and related functions, sporting events, grocery stores, shopping, Performing Art Centers, picnics, etc. There is no substitute for face-to-face interaction. Best to you in your journey. Be well…

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    1. Hi Michael! Big beauty – i like that. haha thank you so much for your insight on this. That’s great advice to go to places where those type on men hang out. I agree – face to face is the way to go! big hugs xo

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  25. Hi Caralyn, what a great topic! I want to encourage you to stay strong. I would say we’re not in post-Christian culture, if we mean following Christ. More likely, we’re in a post-Christendom culture (where religion is geopolitical, cultural). I have studied this intently for a few years and the people leaving the faith are, for the most part, people who were nominal believers. Think about it, if an argument can talk you out of your faith, your relationship with Jesus is pretty frail, if there’s any real relationship at all. As Bernard of Clairvoix once said, the only reason people don’t love Jesus is because they don’t know Him.

    People leave the faith for various reasons, but it’s usually because either they had a bad experience with a church, with religious people behaving badly, or they became adults and didn’t have to go to church anymore. But it’s not because they actually knew Jesus deeply. And I would agree with you and other commenters, a lot of that problem is on us.

    But as G.K. Chesterton said, “Christianity hasn’t been tried and found wanting, it’s been found difficult and not tried.” There can be a HUGE difference between calling oneself a “Christian,” which can mean no more than going to church, and actually following Christ, which is a transformational lifestyle.

    But, according to Pew Research (2015), the part of the church made up of devout believers is actually growing. So, all of this is actually good news because the line is clearer now between real believers and just religious church-goers.

    So, again, I want to encourage you. The real church is alive and well. But we are in a season of great transition where what it means to be a Christian is changing (for the better.) The gleeful atheists are having their day now, but they are very wrong in their assessment. They are merely burning down a religious straw man but have no effect on the church Jesus is building.

    There is someone out there that God has prepared just for you that will make you a powerful couple! Be patient and don’t give in the the cultural morass around you. 🙂 Blessings to you for standing strong in the midst of the confusion and chaotic world we find ourselves in.

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    1. Thanks Mel for this heartfelt response. You’re right – this is a season of transition, but i am hopeful it is for the better and that we’ll come out stronger. I appreciate your encouragement 🙂 yes! Patience!! Hugs and love xox

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  26. Caralyn,

    So much here I could write about, it would be a blog post in itself, but I’ll try to be brief! First of all, Mel is right in so many ways in terms of what he says. The difference between those who nominally believe and those for who know Jesus deeply and personally is the reason behind many statistics. I often feel that the biggest gulf of understanding Christianity for people is that they don’t realise that this is something that can be seperated from the rest of our personas. I am not me without my faith in Christ. People without a faith struggle to understand this and opt for the easy labels instead. CS Lewes sums it up with this quote “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen — not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”

    30 years ago (giving my age away a bit here) I rememeber chatting to a colleague after work (University summer job) and when I mentioned being a Christian their response was (and I remember this word for word even after all this time) was ‘oh what a shame, if only it was anything other than Christianity’. It taught me a lot very quickly.

    John Wesley has some wonderful quotes (I appreciate he is not strictly Catholic but I’ve never been one for fussing about the differences with the main Christian denominations as the basis of our faith is the same). I think this one explains a lot about the current generation “When men choose not to believe in God, they do not thereafter believe in nothing, they then become capable of believing in anything.” Both he and Lewes had many more!

    I’ll finish with a quote relating to the concept of Truth that I heard at a talk (well the CD recording of a talk anyway. Don’t know if the comment was taken from elsewhere, but I thought it was excellent. “The person who insists there is no such thing as Truth is asking you not to believe them, so don’t!” In a society where the idea of Truth is something that people like to object to, I think it’s a wonderful response.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing this powerful perspective. I love those quotes that you shared!! amen – i love all things CS Lewis. hugs xo

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  27. That was a nice post. The world is an interesting place and it is constantly changing. Sometimes horrifying and sometimes bright and shiny with hope. All the best. Thanks for sharing.

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  28. Christianity is on the downward whirlpool spin for sure. We are in the “great falling away first” that Jesus spoke of. But from what you post about NYC it does sound like a godless society. However you also posted about youth mass services that are full. And I heard that the Hillsong Church draws many to Times Square. But just hang in there. Far worse is the wrong guy than no guy. Patience and trust. There is no better than that. Let God bring the right man to you, but he makes us wait. Hang in there. You’ll do just fine. You have a good heart and a very intelligent brain in your head. I wager that you will turn up Aces and win the jackpot.

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    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing your wonderful insight. Yes – Hillsong is alive and well in NYC! patience and trust — those are key! hugs xox

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  29. I’m a Christian… I’m single… and I’ve never once signed up for a dating app. I’m not trying to say that the Christian guys are avoiding the app scene, it’s possible that’s just my personality getting in the way. But, early on, when the likes of Tinder first hit the scene, I was under the impression that it was mostly a way for people to hook up and not necessarily find meaningful relationships. I’m sure that impression in the beginning has tainted my view of, really, any dating app in the App Store. And I’m not trying to judge anyone who uses a dating app, please don’t think that. I’m just saying that could play into a lack of believers swiping right? Or is it left? I don’t even know…

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    1. Hey friend! that’s a great point, there are a lot of superb guys that simply aren’t on the app! yeah, that’s very true. big hugs xox

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  30. Yay, Jesus loving girl here as well. I’m also in the ‘dating scene’, and I hope you are having better luck than me. I am in my mid 40’s and I come from a time before online dating and it seemed much easier back then to just meet people in person and go on a date lol.
    I’m glad you aren’t willing to compromise with what you want…stick to it and God will make sure to bring you the person who is perfect for you.
    ❤

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    1. Thanks so much!! You’re right – God’s got this. Praying for you on your dating journey!! Hugs and love xox

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  32. Yeah, I think it’s time for you to move to the South. We loved Raleigh, NC. Plus, I’m sure it’s a lot warmer in the winter. I know a great church with lots of young people, and yes… don’t compromise! God bless.

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  33. Listening to you on Patreon, I appreciated your positive thoughts toward the end of the post. (I think to pursue – and which may simply mean to be present – is important.)

    …

    Personally, I will focus on ministry in the weeks and months ahead, and so to put my heart into that

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  34. I dunno…
    Sticking your middle finger at the far left
    Supporting a president who makes fun of other races and locks kids in cages and has affairs
    Pedophile priests
    Evangelists with mega churches who take donations from people living paycheck to paycheck
    Apocalypse cheering in the face of climate change
    Shaming women who have abortions
    Gay bashing
    Partnering with the Alt-Right

    How many more people can you alienate?

    Glad you are having a moment of clarity and reflection. I give you credit for that.

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    2. None of those things are factual for my personal beliefs, but thanks for stopping by, Megan.

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  35. What a frightening statistic. I also believe it all started with removing God from schools. It’s a sad world that we live in. It’s so focused on “me me me” and instant gratification. My faith has truly carried me through the most challenging chapters in my life. I can’t imagine my life without my Catholic faith. Thank you for bringing awareness to this frightening statistic 🙏🏼💕

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    1. Isn’t it sobering? I agree – our faith sees us through. Thanks Lisa, for stopping by and sharing your heart. big big hugs xox

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  36. Looking at the church of which I’m a member, we see, too, that there is a drop off in membership, and even some churches closing.Yet, this is not the same worldwide. In ‘the west’ there is a drop off, but in Africa and Asia there has been a large uptake, and big increase in churches and membership. Is it that Western society thinks it knows so much, that it doesn’t need God anymore?

    i think, in general terms, that this is a post-Christian society in which we live. At least within europe, UK & North America (US, Canada).

    Regarding the future, I’m of the belief that there will come a time (not long now) where ‘The Church’ will be caught up to be with The Lord, and there will be 7 years within which it will be increasingly necessary to worship in secret, before the final Judgement (Armageddon and all that).

    The times they are a changing (c) B Dylan Esq.

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    1. Thanks David, for sharing this powerful perspective. You’re so right about how the church is on fire in Africa and Asia. We could certainly take a lesson! hugs xox

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  37. I once read that more people believe in UFOs then they do in God. That’s a sad commentary on the state of a civilized society. Unfortunately, a number of the churches out there don’t focus on God or Jesus. The pastors are giving motivational speeches rather than delivering the gospel message. You walk out thinking you just watched Tony Robbins for an hour and a half rather than feeling convicted.

    Until the pulpit changes, the people never will.

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    1. Hi Joe – you’re right about that. People will put their faith in a lot of things these days, other than God. Thanks for sharing your heart. big hugs xox

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  38. I’m older than you, and though I married late (and in fact met my husband on a dating website, much to both of our surprise, I think), I suspect both the technology and the culture have changed pretty drastically since I was online dating. Back in my day (she says, wobbling her cane and sucking on her teeth), the common religious designation was “spiritual but not religious.” It is disheartening but not surprising that the shift has become more decidedly atheist/agnostic. On some level that might be in your favor, simply because fewer people now are used to putting a religious identifier on themselves if it isn’t really true and part of their identity.

    The Pilgrimage online ministry I founded and continue to facilitate was born out of a heart for Nones and Dones. I’m pretty terrible at (and maybe ambivalent about) constant online PR for my efforts, though, and I feel like I’m not sure how to enlist more people in this explorative journey. I’m sure we’re both busy (I’m also currently pastoring a church which is…unexpected by me but not by too many other people who know me, apparently), but would you consider some sort of internet-y brainstorming/collaboration session with me at some point? This is I guess not a lot of help with your dating situation (although I have lots to say about dating as a Christian, too!), but it might address, in at least a small-scale way, some of the trends you are describing here.

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    1. Hi Jenn, thank you so much for sharing your heart and your story. The Pilgrimage sounds like an incredible ministry. I will certainly keep it in my prayers. And sure! big hugs xo

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  39. As usual, another thought provoking post; thanks.

    However, w/respect to men in the church consider this book. Intellectually challenging but well worth it.

    The Impotent Church, the Feminization of Christianity by Leon Podles.

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  42. I was single for a long time before God gave me my husband. God actually brought him to my front door. A mutual friend wanted to match us up over a period of >10 years plus. There was always a reason why God prevented the actual meeting until His perfect time. I learned I had to be busy serving God and wait for Him to bring His choice for me. Learning patience and trust was a hard lesson. It is always worth the wait for God’s Best. He can make the impossible — possible.

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    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing your story! Oh my gosh! That’s so incredible! You’re right – He makes the impossible, possible – in His time! big hugs oxx

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    1. You’re right – God is bigger than any statistic! thanks so much Bonnie for the encouragement and for stopping by! big hugs xo

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  45. Great post Caralyn! I too, have noticed this very same trend and have a draft that has been sitting for awhile that discusses the same thing – we as a church have failed so many people out there! More importantly, we’ve failed God and that is a very sad thing! I have a daughter in the same situation, very patiently awaiting for God to send the right one her way, but testing the waters. She also has vowed that her faith is non-negotiable in the deal. I applaud you for holding strong to your commitment to God. As I tell my daughter and many others out there, from experience…”Dance with God and he will let the perfect man cut in” (author unknown) Keep on dancing Caralyn….God will not let you down!

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  46. This is an interesting observation. It’s definitely sad to see the lack of faith and spirituality in this generation. It also seems that dating apps aren’t the best place to meet decent guys.

    Remember, don’t settle for anything less!

    • Katie

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    1. Thanks so much Katie. I agree – maybe I’ve got to meet one in the Wild! Haha Hugs and love xox

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  47. I think it’s important to understand that I may totally (which I don’t) disagree with what your religious views are but I will defend to the end for you to have them!

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      1. No problem. It does amaze me how many people have nothing that they will lay everything on the line for and then wonder why they are so unhappy?

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    1. You’re so right about that. And I agree – it’s hard to think understand the grand plan on things, but all we can do is trust! hugs xo

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  50. I believe that part of what you’re dealing with is a self – selection process that filters out Believers. Don’t get me wrong – there is a trend towards movement away from religion, but I think your geographical location and the fact that dating apps are used more by an educational/professional demographic more likely to identify as Non-Believer. Doesn’t make it any easier though.

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