What Should We Tell Our Daughters about Beauty?

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Beauty.

I’ll tell you what — in the last ten years or so, it seems as though society’s unattainable quest for “beautiful” has become more drastic, more in your face, and more unapologetically superficial than ever.

Hair extensions. Lip filler. Fake eyelashes. Spray tans. And even on top of all that, we’re “Face-Tuning” and photoshopping ourselves within an inch of our lives.

I mean, don’t get me wrong: I do it too! — I whiten my teeth. Obsess about skincare. And I will smooth out a pimple on FaceTune without a second thought.

There’s nothing wrong with doing any of those things.

But scroll through Instagram, turn on the TV, or flip through a magazine for a minute, and we’re bombarded with society’s gospel: the quest for beauty, at any and all cost.

I mean, how many times will we have to hear about diuretic “flat tummy tea,” meal replacement shakes, “waist training corsets,”or tattoo’d-on-eyebrows before somebody stands up and says, “Enough already!”

Is this the type of “womanhood” that we want to usher younger generations into? One where we’re striving for this unattainable standard of perfection, with the ultimate goal of “You, but better.”

Because I can tell you – coming from someone who nearly died from anorexia, trying to achieve that perfection – it’s simply not worth it.

Beauty has been in the news a lot recently. Sports Illustrated is being praised for “expanding” the definition of beauty by including their first Muslim model, Halima Aden, to be featured, in a hijab and “burkini.”

Photo: Sports Illustrated

Other beauty brands are being applauded for broadening the different “types” of models they feature, to include more races, sizes, nationalities, abilities, etc. Which – yes, is great. And they should be commended for doing so.

But real talk: that’s still only addressing half of the problem.

Because it’s missing the point. The beauty they’re praising is exactly that which you can capture on the glossy pages of a magazines: beauty that is skin deep. So sure, you can broaden that “skin” to include any and all varieties; or you can be like Dove and “campaign” for “real beauty” but still at the end of the day, their distorted message is the same: Beauty is what you see on the outside.

Well, I think it’s time we change that definition.

I had been wanting to write this post for a while, but didn’t really know how to approach it, to be honest.

And last night, I found myself without any plans. I was supposed to go on a date with this handsome venture capitalist, and he canceled on me last minute — typical New Yorker. And I was annoyed — I mean, I showered for the occasion, and everything. So I was not going to let a “clean hair day” go to waste. So I decided to go to the Young Adult Mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral. And wouldn’t you know — God gave me exactly what I needed to hear. Because the entire sermon was on this passage:

“God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.'” Genesis 1:26

That right there is where the skin-deep beauty gospel misses the mark.

Yes – we were made in God’s glorious, radiant, image — which is beautiful to the eye, and yes, something to be celebrated.

But we are also made in His likeness. Which gives us this incredibly beautiful depth that no photo or image can capture.

That is the beauty we need to be striving for. Beauty of the heart. Beauty of the spirit. Beauty that reflects the likeness of God, which we all possess, as handmade creations of the Father.

God is love – and what do we know about love? “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

All of those beautiful attributes are in us too, as reflections of our Father, made in His likeness.

It’s time we start factoring those into our definition of beauty.

What do I want to tell my future daughter about beauty?

That our beauty is not our own. Our beauty comes from our Father who made us. Who made every freckle on your face, the sparkle in your eye and the radiance in your face. The merciful Father who put the kindness and joy in your heart, and gave you the gentleness and patience you have towards others. Your beauty, dear, sweet, future daughter of mine someday (God willing), is so much more than merely what can be seen with the eye. Your beauty comes from deep within, as a child of God.

None of that can be airbrushed into or out of existence. None of that can be fully captured in a photo.

That, is the authentic beauty — the dual beauty — that we should start championing today.

The authentic, dual beauty, that yes, includes outer beauty – but leads with what’s inside, our inner heart beauty. One cannot exist without the other. It’s a divine duality – the image and the likeness — the outer and the inner.

How life-affirming our world would be, if we celebrated that.

What is your definition of beauty?

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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185 thoughts on “What Should We Tell Our Daughters about Beauty?”

    1. Thank you so much Carly!! 🙂 I’m so glad this resonated with you! Yes! that’s a great prayer 🙂 hugs xox

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  3. Awesome post addressing a very important and timely topic. You handled it wonderfully. Being made in God’s image and likeness makes everyone equally beautiful in God’s eyes. Inner beauty is the true beauty. I cured myself of leaning on outward looks by a decade of homelessness. I wanted to be in disguise so only people with the ability to see inner beauty would show any interest in me. I like it better this way and it helps me see the inner beauty of other people too. Continue your wonderful and well appreciated work. You are very special. Your message shines brightly in a dark world.

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    1. Thank you so much for this wonderful encouragement. It really means a lot. And wow – what a story. I would love to hear more about that. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

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  5. Caralyn, I enjoy your posts, especially the ones (like this one) that expose both your tender heart and your love for the Lord. I am saddened when you are treated poorly by some young man, but that only means God is protecting you from harm. Prayers for you and your reverential and humble ministry.

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    1. Hi War, thank you so much for your wonderfully kind words. I think you’re right – and it’s really something i need to remember – that God is protecting me. I appreciate your prayers! big hugs to you xox

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  7. Beauty follows beauty. It is reflected by those things and people that mirror God in greater fullness to their original purpose — which could be likened to the Aristotelian ‘final cause’—, even as the moon illuminates the more it reflects the sun’s light. It is our likeness being formed in the image of God that gives the human spirit the ability to be the be the most beautiful thing in all Creation. Potentially, of course. Likewise, it is the desecration of this potentiality which may render the human spirit the most hideous of all things.

    Sadly, I have known many ‘Christians’ who are amongst the ugliest people the world over. They are filled with hatred and darkness all while claiming to worship Love, Himself. Within the ‘more acceptable’ pale, many Christians abide by the worldly standards of beauty, which is to say, as you pointed out, physical. I have seen incredibly attractive Christians date incredibly attractive individuals to the detriment of their faith. Sure, the other person was in the church but no more lived a Christian life than a non-Christian.To put it more eloquently, one of my old pastors used to say that being in a church no more makes you a Christian than being in a garage makes you a car.

    I digress. The Bible makes very clear the idea that the outward person is not representative of true beauty. Peter writes, “Your adornment must not be merely external—with interweaving and elaborate knotting of the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or [being superficially preoccupied with] dressing in expensive clothes; but let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, [one that is calm and self-controlled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature] which is very precious in the sight of God.” (1 Peter 3:3-4 AMP). I doubt most would consider the adjectives used by Peter as constituting sexy nowadays.

    We are also called ‘God’s workmanship’ in Ephesians 2:10; the Greek word for ‘workmanship’ is ‘poeima’ — which you can guess is where we get our word for ‘poem’ and ‘poetry’—, meaning any type of product, though often carrying the connotation of a piece of art, a piece of fiction, or a poem(hence the derivative we find today). We are, in some sense, a story written by God. The thing that is wild is that we, as editors of our story, are given wholesale license to edit, or even rewrite in full, our life’s book. God’s story is there, word-by-word, ours to trace or to ignore — although, I am given to the idea that there are some blanks for us to fill in at our discretion (call it divine Mad Libs). But, as I often criticize of movies based off of books, why in the Charles Dickens would you change a story which is beautifully written? All we have to do to be beautiful is to be who God made us to be.

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    1. thank you so much for sharing your heart on this! God’s workmanship – i love that so much. And amen! be who God made us to be! isn’t that the truth! big hugs to you xox

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  11. How about…
    Better to have a good name than to be beautiful (but there’s no shame in being beautiful).
    Roses are red, violets are blue, your mom is beautiful, and so are you.
    The truth, however, is that beauty will pass: what matter is eternity.

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    1. Thanks Marcelo – that’s great advice! And gosh thank you for saying that! Hugs and love xox

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  12. It’s what the world expects – make up is only for those who gloss magazines to sell images and lifestyles. I experienced freedom when I threw away my last lipstick in 2017 after wearing make up over 20 years. Besides we did not come out of the womb with make up on hahaha!

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    1. Thanks Jeanne! Aweome! Haha so true! We didn’t come out of the womb with make up! Haha Hugs and love xox

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  14. I think when we can add the word ‘beautiful’ into our vocabulary in ways that describe what touches our hearts.
    What a beautiful gesture.
    What a beautiful thought.
    What a beautiful feeling.
    This helps highlight that beauty is much deeper pool than tight pours and fancy eyeshadows.

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  15. You could not have articulated this any better- I have chills! Always appreciate your way of sharing profound truths. This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately, and how freeing it is to realize that beauty isn’t about the outside. Outer beauty if fleeting, while inner beauty is built upon the things that last forever: faith, hope, and the ultimate : love. I ADORE this post. This is a post I feel like everyyyone needs to read.

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    1. Thank you so much Mackenzie!! I’m so glad this resonated with you 🙂 amen – those last forever! big hugs xox

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  16. Very thoughtful! Good job. People make themselves sick chasing after the “idea” of what beauty is.

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  19. I loved reading this. I have three daughters, all very young yet, our eldest is just 6 but I am always trying to get the message across of inner beauty. Of course they are beautiful to me on the outside, they’re my girls, but we try and teach them that they are much more beautiful when they’re doing something kind. That they’re beautiful when they’re happy, that their kind hearts make their eyes shine brighter and we love how caring they are.
    Their interest in appearance is limited to dressing up like Cinderella at the minute. They are yet to discover make up and the like. However, it will happen and it is scary that the industry around us might make them feel insecure. To be fully aware of how much they are loved by us and loved by God is what we’re trying to instill in them and to hear that you have the same mindset is wonderful. More people should be writing like you! Thank you. Xx

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    1. Thanks so much 🙂 I’m so glad this resonated with you! Amen – kindness is the most beautiful! And happiness, and being caring! I love that so much!! Thanks for your support! Hugs and love xox

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  20. I had such a nice time reading this post!!
    And I found such a beautiful quite as well! “Perfection is stupid.” Haha

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  22. Thank you for putting first things first.
    When I was teaching college, a young lady began her freshman year. Her face was scared from acne and not outwardly attractive. But, by the end of the year guys were crawling over each other to date her. The inner beauty of her Christian spirit was far too comely to ignore.

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    1. Hi again Jay! thank you for sharing that – amen – our inner beauty shines and is what truly matters! hugs xox

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