Well friends, I’ve got to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who said a prayer for me this past weekend! They worked double time!
My talks went great! (If I do say so myself) 😛 But I’m writing this right now just floating on Cloud Nine, in gratitude for such a positive experience.
And I cannot wait until the videos are posted and I can share them with you!
This weekend, I felt like I was right where I was supposed to be — that I was doing what God has put me on this earth to do. That’s a big statement, but I woke up on Saturday morning, and I was overcome with so much peace and determination. I thought for sure I’d be a bundle of nerves, but instead, just the opposite. I felt, instead, that I was in the center of His will for my life.
I was given the beautiful advice before I left, to just get out of the way, to let Jesus speak. What a powerful thought, huh? And that was precisely what I tried to do.
I took away something from this weekend, that is truly life changing. Getting up there and telling my story — I felt so affirmed. The overwhelming reception of love, and compassion I received afterwards — it completely obliterated the feelings of uneasiness and fear I had about sharing about the darkness in my past, leading up to these talks.
You see, I’m going to be honest — even though I write this blog, and have written my book, Bloom — those are still shielded with anonymity — under BeautyBeyondBones. This weekend, I got up in front of people and shared as me, Caralyn. Which was so terrifying, because if I’m being 100% transparent here — I still struggle with so much shame – about having anorexia in my past. I still felt that it was this giant stain on my character. I felt it made this horrible failure as a person — and that I reflected poorly on my family, because I suffered with this “vanity disorder” in high school. Talk about pride getting in the way.
Well, this weekend, I absolutely tore open the shutters and exposed all of that sordid past – as me – owning it. Claiming it. Claiming her. That girl: who struggled with anorexia; who lost all her hair; who went to an inpatient treatment facility; who lied to, manipulated and deceived her loved ones while trapped in her eating disorder; who missed her graduation, and nearly destroyed the body that God entrusted me with — that girl.
Jesus absolutely redeemed that shame and let His light bathe all over it. Over this weekend. Over me.
I was graciously shown — through the loving reception of those wonderful people listening — that my story is not something to be ashamed of, but rather one that shows the incredible victory of Christ. And though I knew that conceptually, for the first time — I truly believed it.
As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. And friends, this weekend, whether I realized it or not at the time…mine certainly did.
That action – standing up and publicly claiming that girl – communicated to myself that, like the Father, I recognized the worth, and value and dignity as a Child of God in her, mess and all. It was an action of self love. Forgiveness. Healing. Moving forward. And it was a huge victory, that honestly, was carried out entirely by God, himself.
So you want to know why I’m feeling on Cloud Nine? Well there you go — it’s because I’ve finally shown compassion and love towards my former self. I’ve called her out of the cave of shame I had hidden her away in for all these years.
Because after all, I am a new creation — the old has gone, the new has come.
So thank you again for your prayers and for all the wonderful and positive feedback, from those who tuned into the livestream! Reading your messages has truly been such an affirming thing for me today, so thank you to those who sent me a message or DM!
And Memphis — oh my gosh — the people I met at Christ the King were just the most wonderful, salt of the earth humans I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. They welcomed me with such warm, southern hospitality, and I truly felt like family!
Lastly, a big thank you to Jeff King for throwing my hat into the ring at his church, and being such a great host! And thank you to my mama for flying out and surprising me with your attendance this weekend!
I cannot wait to share the videos with you all, when they become available later this week!
Hugs and love xox
“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5
A big thank you to my foundational sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy. I cannot begin to express how beneficial therapy was for my recovery from anorexia. Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.
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Here was yesterday’s video! https://youtu.be/8pmp4ZI968A
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