Well, the time is finally here! I leave tomorrow for my speaking engagement in Memphis! And I’ve gotta tell ya, I am more excited than ever.
Not that I know what the heck I’m going to wear yet — I mean, what the world does one wear when it’s almost October, and yet 95 degrees!?!
But here’s the SUPER exciting part — my talks are going to be LIVE STREAMED on the internet! SO if you’re interested in tuning it, you can watch my talks HERE!
I’ll be live at 6:30pm CT (7:30 EST) this Saturday, Sept 28th, and at 10:00am CT (11:00am EST) on Sunday, Sept 29th!
I’m going to be honest, writing two 45 minute speeches about my story has been such a revealing exercise for me.
Having to truly go there and coherently communicate, not just a timeline of my past, but the why behind it — let’s suffice it to say that it has been a period of intense self-discovery to say the least. I feel like a freaking detective, to be honest.
I’ve had things come to light and come to the surface — I mean, I thought I knew my story before this — well, let’s just say in having to articulate the inner workings of eating disorders, I have gained an entirely new level of understanding, that I cannot wait to explore more in my writing.
But for now — I want to just leave you with two things I’ve learned during this period of intense self-discovery.
First: When we take the time to really really sift through our past, it turns out that a whole heck of a lot more of it “lines up” than previously thought. There is a “through line” that you can trace back to the very beginning.
Especially as kids, we are incredibly impressionable, to the point that we don’t even realize it. And little things that can seem like normalities at the time can influence the themes that follow us through life — both good and bad. And sometimes it’s more obvious than others.
Just as a personal example, by thoroughly examining my past, I’ve come to realize the degree to which seeking approval has played a role in the direction of my life. Turns out that my acting career as a child played a whole heck of a lot more of a role in my psyche than I had originally thought. I mean, I knew that — it did something – but I see now how it gave me a distorted perception that my worth was performance-based. Which in turn colored my worldview in a lot of long-lasting, and detrimental ways.
But it takes time and substantial emotional effort to be able to decode certain things, and see deeper than surface level memories, into the psyche of what’s driving our subconscious.
Secondly, and lastly, it takes space, distance, and time, but eventually, we can reopen chapters in our lives, and revisit painful times from a healthy place, and be okay.
Maybe you’re a little like me, but I am an expert “bottler.” As in — I like to bottle up painful emotions or memories and throw them out to sea. But it turns out that, revisiting them is possible — it just takes a healthy dose of time and space.
Because with that distance comes a perspective that wasn’t there before. We see things in a new light. We see from a different angle. Which can bring about unforeseen healing and understanding.
And that new frame of mind can be a spring board, that launches us forward. We can turn it around from a dead end of pain, to the starting point of a new beginning.
I am incredibly grateful for this new found awareness I’ve stumbled across.
I guess it just goes to show how God is always at work, transforming us — even the parts of us we think are gone forever.
“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5
A big thank you to my foundational sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy. I cannot begin to express how beneficial therapy was for my recovery from anorexia. Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.
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Here was yesterday’s video! https://youtu.be/8pmp4ZI968A
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