The Plight of a People Pleaser

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

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Ohhh friends, I’m writing this with a huge pit in my stomach. Oof.

I learned a really hard lesson this weekend.

One that, well…left a bit of a wake of turmoil — that sadly, involved more than just me.

If I have one tragic flaw in this life — and let’s be real, I have many — but my greatest, and most fog-horn-in-the-night, blatantly obvious weak spot is that I am a people pleaser to my absolute core.

A bend over backwards, don’t rock the boat, please – allow me to give you my other cheek to slap — people pleasing addiction.

It played a huge role in my development of anorexia: as I believed my worth was performance based. (I can thank my child actor roots for that).

But one of the ways it has continued to manifest is that I absolutely hate disappointing people.

I despise it. I will do anything and everything to avoid letting people down. Including, to my detriment, avoiding conflict at any and all cost.

And well…that finally caught up to me this weekend.

Uuugh.

I mean, I’ve shared about this before. I had two bouquets of roses rotting in my apartment for weeks, because I didn’t face the music right away.

And fast forward the clock another month, and I find myself in another situation where my people pleasing tendencies have actually resulted in someone else being pretty hurt by my lack of honesty.

Long story short, I ran into an old “flame” and because of my lack of backbone and unwillingness to upset anyone, I agreed to go on a date this week, even though I did not want to.

Anyway – yesterday, when he followed up about the date, I had to tell this terrific, upstanding, gentleman that I just wanted to be friends. And not only that — but that I have feelings for someone else. Ouch.

Ughhhh. My stomach is dropping just thinking about it.

I was then consequently “unfollowed” on social media, and not given a response.

And yeah, I deserved that.

But I was talking with my parents about it, and — of course — they were dropping all the wisdom on me.

Truth hurts but it is better sooner rather than later.

My dad is absolutely right. By avoiding dealing with this situation, I ended up making matters worse, and actually making it harder in the end.

Even though for me, during those weeks the situation was out-of-sight-out-of-mind, for the other party involved, there were emotions being invested, hopes being drummed up — and that was not fair to him.

I was a coward. Because I didn’t want to disappoint him.

Unfortunately, I can’t say this is the first – or second, or fifth – time this has happened.

You’d think I’d have learned by now. And every time, I sit with this gut-punch, I’m-a-horrible-person feeling in my stomach, and vow never to do it again.

But then, the moment arises when I should really speak with honesty, and deliver some tough news, and I revert back to the same terrible habits, and actually hurt the other person in the process.

Honesty is the only thing that’s right.

Ding. Ding. Ding. My mother, as per use, is right on the money. We are called to “speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ.” Eph 4:15.

A task that is easier said than done.

“Honesty is always the best policy.” My parents drilled that into my head since I was a child. Honesty, when spoken gently, is kind. It is empowering. It is freeing. And it follows Christ’s example.

I wasn’t always this cowardly…

I remember one time in high school, this sweet guy had a crush on me, and I wasn’t interested. And it was after one of my soccer games — which he had come to see — and he was waiting for me after the game and tried to give me a big hug, and I literally stopped him, stuck out my hand and said, “I’m flattered, but a handshake will do.”

Talk about SAVAGE!

But actually, it wasn’t. In that moment, sure it was a little awkward, but he got the message loud and clear, and was able to move forward and invest his emotional energy elsewhere.

But more than that, I stood up for my feelings and advocated for myself.

I’m not a little girl anymore. I can’t write off these communication errors as “cute” or “excusable” any longer.

I am a strong woman. I am capable of honest, intentional dialogue, that yeah — may disappoint people. But in the end, it is better to be honest now, than to have to deal with a complicated and completely-avoidable emotional mess later.

So, to the man I hurt, I want to apologize. Again.

I need to start practicing honest communication. Because I can’t please everyone. And trying to do so, only ends up hurting everyone involved — ironic, isn’t it?

“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5

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223 thoughts on “The Plight of a People Pleaser”

  1. Hang in there! It can be tough considering what this Friday is. (sigh) As you reminded us all, God loves us unconditionally and is pleased with us. He is the one person we don’t have to impress because in Christ He has accepted us.

    XOXOXO.

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      1. And you’re right… people pleasing is a very dangerous trap. I mean, we do want people to like us but when that desire to be liked/loved overrides common sense and good judgment, that’s when we have to fall back on God’s unconditional love for us. XOXO

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  2. Oh my. You’re being way too hard on yourself! No one is able to handle this situation with aplomb. There’s no right way to avoid the pain. It’s just a bad situation any which way you look at it. I don’t think it’s because you’re a people-pleaser; it seems more like you just don’t want to break anyone’s heart; and none of us wants to break anyone’s heart. I admire how you told him the truth! That’s really freakin’ hard.

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    1. Thanks Meg for this encouragement. Yeah I just hate letting people down! you’re right about that — it was hard, but the right thing to do. big hugs to you xo

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    1. Hi Annalee! Thanks for the book recco! I’ll have to check it out — it sounds really intriguing 🙂 hoep you have a great night! hugs xox

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  5. Oh, how well I understand! It’s gut-wrenching to me to disappoint. In time, with help from the Father, it does get better. Hugs. On the plus side, you have a VERY caring heart, a rare and beautiful thing in these cold times!

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    1. Hi friend! oh my gosh, you are too kind, thank you so much. You’re right about that – with the Father, anything is possible! big hugs xox

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  6. This resonated with me, not just because of the timeless wisdom, but because (historically) i have had the opposite problem. I’ve cut people off and hardened my heart to stone in order to persevere in the easiest course of action. I am similarly conflict averse, but I’ll deal with it by leaning into it and pretending I don’t care about the chaos. It’s cowardice of a different sort: avoiding problems by hardening my heart.

    And I think that’s the core of it: Not wanting to appear hard hearted, or not wanting to appear weak.

    I am doing Exodus 90, and in doing so reading through Exodus. One of the big themes is that the Israelites were slaves to the Pharaoh because they didn’t want to give him the bad news that–it’s over, they belong to God. The Pharaoh was a tyrant because he hardened his heart to God, and didn’t want to appear weak or vulnerable. It wasn’t until both forms were broken that the Israelites experienced freedom. Freedom that comes from Trusting wholly in God and in not trying to control his plan for us.

    These are life lessons we all need to learn at some point. Kudos to you for being forthright about it, and for sharing your positive example with the world.

    AMDG
    -Scoot

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    1. Hi Scoot! I’m so glad this resonated with you 🙂 Wow, you really hit on a lot of powerful points here. Thank you for sharing that. And wow! Exodus 90! i will keep you in my prayers as you journey through that! amen to that, thanks for stopping by! hugs xo

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  7. Own the mistake, learn from it, and move on. If you wind up in the same situation again, remember that early honesty allows him to get on with his life instead of waiting for a result that isn’t gonna happen. Never easy to do, but yeah, the best for all concerned. Hugs and love from rainy Kentucky– Mike

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  8. Wonderful post!

    “I am a strong woman. I am capable of honest, intentional dialogue, that yeah — may disappoint people.”

    I am going to have my teenage daughter read this. Thank you!

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  9. I am a huge people-pleaser too. That and ministry don’t blend well together. The lack of boundaries almost sent me over the edge. Thanks, as always, for your honesty! You are real, and it’s no wonder people flock to that.

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    1. you’re right about that – they don’t blend! thanks for sharing that, Matthew. and wow what a kind thing to say!! Glad you stopped by! big hugs xo

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  10. So something left to work on. You are still a redeemed child of God and your honesty shows your ongoing need for him. As it says in 1 John 3:18 let us love not with words but actions. My own translation. Still know you are a wonderful witness.

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    1. Thanks so much John – yeah something to work on indeed. 🙂 amen! thanks so much for the kind words! big hugs xox

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      3. ✨💛🥰💛✨🙃✨💛🥰💛✨🙃✨💛🥰💛✨🙃✨💛🥰💛✨🙃✨💛🥰💛✨🙃✨💛🥰💛✨🙃✨💛🥰💛✨🙃✨💛🥰💛✨🙃

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    1. Thanks friend 🙂 you’re so right about that – got to stop that bad habit! i appreciate you stopping by! big hugs xox

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  13. I had the same issue in college. I had transferred to Heidelberg in Tiffin, OH and didn’t expect too much success in the theatre due to being a transfer. I ended up getting very well-received, and insecurity remained, but took on the guise of ego.

    Dear Ruth Bacon, a slightly past middle age teacher who was the personification of taste, grooming, and good breeding called me into her office. She asked me if I liked EVERYONE. Me, in people-pleaser mode, waffled some evasive response. She drilled me and I finally admitted that, no, I don’t like everyone.

    “Then why the hell do you expect everyone to like you.” Delivered with the sweetest smile. “You run around here like a puppy looking to be petted. Knock it off!”

    This later led to my corollary, “Everybody is somebody’s asshole. Including me.” Yup…I’m somebody’s asshole. Surely more than one person’s. But that realization allowed me to say it’s ok to not be liked. It’s always going to happen, so get over it.

    I also learned your mom’s lesson early in business. The sooner I delivered bad news to a customer, the less angry they’d be as opposed to waiting. It’s like taking nasty medicine. Get it over with. It’s hard, but it’ll come with practice.

    And just to let you know; I am fond of you for you. Always have been. Nothing to do with you pleasing me somehow. You’re just a good person doing her best to do good things. You’re just not everyone’s good person. You too are somebody’s asshole. And that’s ok. I just wish I knew how to put a heart icon or something in here now.

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    1. Hey Jeff! Thanks for sharing that – wow what a straight shooting teacher, that Ruth. She reminds me of an acting teacher I had in nyc – it’s good to hear the tough stuff sometimes. You’re right – the sooner the better. And gosh, thank you for saying that. And ditto for you!! Hahah I’m mentally envisioning the heart emoji:) and I grateful appreciate it!! Big hugs to you my dear dear friend. Xoxoxoxoxox

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  14. It’s hard being blunt for a lot of people. In my job in Child Welfare, I constantly have to bottom-line things for parents I work with–I have to tell them that it’s either the option I’m giving them that allows their children to remain in the home, or they risk having their children removed. I constantly want to give options that satisfy the requirements of my job and makes the parents happy…But sometimes those are mutually exclusive goals.

    Being a people pleaser never worked out for anyone in Scripture–We can either please God or please man–we cannot have it both ways. In most situations, it’s best to do what God would want us to do, even if it means doing something uncomfortable.

    ~Tom

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    1. You’re right about that Tom – but honesty really is the best policy. Oh wow – yeah it sounds like you’ve had to master the art of truth in love. What an important job you have. Thanks for this powerful reflection. Hugs and love xox

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    1. You’re so right about that Diana – it’s such an easy trap to fall into! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Aw thank you so much! I’m so glad it resonated with you. Yeah – having a people pleaser in your life, it’s really awesome that you seek to understand how we “tick!” So glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  17. I’ve been in the exact same situation, Caralyn, and yes, it does twist your gut. I spoke up later than I should have, too. The positive thing: lesson learned!
    You’re doing great. ☺️

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    1. Hi Hannah, thanks for sharing that — it’s definitely one of those things you learn from!!! thanks for the encouragment 🙂 means a lot! big hugs to you xox

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  18. you hit me in the feels. I can relate to this so hard, as a hard core people pleaser i can say it has gotten me in very similar situation as of right now. Thanks for the amazing advice. Sidenote here I now have a theripst who specializes in Ed stuff, hated it a first, but I kinda love her, praise God, still feeling very reluctant to truely recover, can’t stop thinking how I don’t deserve to get better, or that I’m not sick enough.

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    1. Aw thank you Natalie, im so glad this resonated with you! Yeah it definitely leads to some sticky situations. You absolutely deserve recovery and the beautiful freedom that comes with it, my friend. I believe in you and am cheering for you! Big big hugs xox

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  19. Eh I don’t feel most women are honest. So it isn’t just you. I have found they’ll even lie about having a bf when all they have to do is say they’re not interested. You shouldn’t feel too bad. At least you did the right thing. Be proud.

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    1. Thanks Derek for sharing your thoughts about this. Yeah – I will be honest – I’ve used the boyfriend excuse once or twice. They were situations where the pursuer was incredibly aggressive and simply not taking no for an answer. It was a last resort. But Honesty is always the best policy. Thanks for stopping by!! Big hugs xox

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  21. God bless you for being so honest…
    Frankly, I relate to your post because I am your polar opposite. Your beautifully honest writings seem to indicate that you have an inferiority complex, that you constantly need to please others to find persona validation. In so doing, you alienate yourself from… well, yourself.
    I’m your opposite: I have a ‘god complex’. I.E.: It’s not in my nature to give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks about me! So I alien myself from… well, everyone.
    Inferiority or god, both complexes are destructive. I admire you for being so self-aware. I can only hope to move past my ‘complex’ as dexterously as you have! Thank you for your blog. I find it very inspiring.

    God bless – Shaun

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    1. Thank you Shaun for sharing your heart on this. You’re right – both complex’s offer, well, complexity! Haha Hugs and love xox

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  23. I’ve been a big fan for a while, but I might suggest looking forward to a better, more fulfilling stream of consciousness on your blog with something a bit more newsworthy. Pick something. Coronavirus, cuts to education, the democratic platform based on infanticide. I would suggest prayer about the need for you to use your weapon of your computer for the purpose of allowing God to use you to make the world better and concern yourself less with social media follows and the like. You are too valuable of a person, like all of us, to concern yourself with anything but making our world better and serving the Great commission.

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    1. Hi Brian, thanks for this feedback – this is great insight. you offer a lot of truth here. I will look into broadening my topic matter! Hugs and love xox

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    1. thanks friend – you’re right, telling the truth is better for everyone involved in the long run. I appreciate you stopping by! big hugs to you xo

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  25. I am really feeling you on the people pleasing. I myself am a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser too. Competitive dancer here and yeah, the two go hand on hand. What’s awesome about healing and growing is that you can recognize this. It’s all a process. I too can relate to holding back for reasons of avoiding someone else’s pain but you must always remain true to you first and foremost. You told your truth!! The more you do this the less scary or uncomfortable it will be for you. This is growth my friend and honesty is the best policy😊❤

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    1. Hi friend! Thanks so much for this awesome encouragement. Glad this resonated with you! Amen! The less scary it will be!! Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  26. Yep yep yep. I’ve been there, on all sides. Have done what you did and had it done to me. Have also told the truth early and had it told to me early. Early is best! But you know what? Even if you tell it early and kindly, there will be men who STILL get angry and nasty over the “rejection” ~ they may say cruel things, unfollow, etc. That’s their choice. You can only do the right things for yourself! ❤️❤️❤️

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    1. Thanks Paula! So glad this struck a chord with you. Early is best – amen to that. And you’re right – rejection is a hard pill to swallow no matter the timing. Thanks for the encouraging words! Hugs and love xox

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  28. I’ve only just discovered you today since you liked my Deep Cries Out to Deep post and hardly know anything about you other than from what I’ve briefly seen. But I admire your honesty and vulnerability in this. If it is of any encouragement, God not only looks at words and actions of mankind, for if he did, scripture tells us that none could stand before him. But he divides between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and discerns the motives and intentions of the hearts of mankind (Hebrews 4:12). I don’t believe your motives were bad in this situation but it is God who looks down from his throne and sees that. Nevertheless, like David, it’s cool to see how you acknowledged your wrongdoing and told the person you were sorry. Despite the wrongdoing that David did, it was that repentant heart of his that made him a man whom God considered to be after his own heart (Psalms 51). God bless you and I pray that God will use your blog for the glory of his son, Jesus.

    In Him,
    Roy

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    1. Hi Roy! Welcome! i’m so glad our paths crossed. Thank you so much for this wonderful encouragement. it really means a lot. God bless you my friend! i appreciate the prayers! hugs xox

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  29. Some people see God’s love everywhere! Others don’t see that Love at all. What is the cause of selfishness, rudeness, entitlement, and lack of Love? C.S. Lewis was right after all God created us to love one another! The Lord God made us all; Love is all we really need. We all need to remember Proverbs 15 KJV. In any relationship remember to be true to yourself, your date and your God!

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  30. I am constantly trying to improve my inner people pleaser. For me, it takes regular work. I think that is a common thread among people who are loving and have suffered significant traumas in their life.

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    1. you’re right about that Jim. Sometimes you’ve got to learn the lessons the hard way — story of my life!! hahahahhaha hugs xox

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  33. I’m the opposite: I don’t interpret, and I don’t mince words. I’m direct.

    So from the opposite side of the niceness spectrum, may I suggest practice. Being direct in smaller interactions that don’t matter much could help with your confidence when you’re confronted with bigger items where it’s important.

    I have to do the same thing, only in a more small-talk sort of manner. It’s not easy, but I ultimately hope it works out okay. Anecdotally, I made a great friend at my last job by going outside of my comfort zone.

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    1. Thanks for sharing that Matt. I could definitely take a lesson from you! And you’re right – practice makes perfect! Great advice! Hugs and love xox

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  34. I can relate, in being highly relational we naturally want to validate and affirm. We dread the negatives of unintentionally disappointing or hurting others. We truly aim to please. I found it helpful to remind myself when making the right decision (even late in the game), that decision is still an expression of being the best of ourselves, because making that decision late is more difficult. A sign of integrity in the end. I applaud your display of inner strength in the face of
    all emotions to the contrary. Well done my friend.

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    1. Hi John! So glad this hit home with you :)you’re right about that — validation is something we all hunger for. THanks so much for the encouraging words. Big hugs to you xox

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  35. “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” -Galatians 1:10

    I’ve struggled with people pleasing and trying to make everyone else happy for years. This verse helps put it back into perspective. Maybe it can serve as help for you when you’re in those people pleasing modes. Guess we are always working through our weaknesses. Another one is 2 Corinthians 12:9. It’s okay to have weakness, as Christ’s power is made perfect in weakness! We all have ‘em! 🙂

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    1. oh wow what a powerful verse! thank you for sharing that with me! you’re right – always working through out weakness with His help! big hugs to you xox

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  36. Powerful words here….

    “Honesty, when spoken gently, is kind. It is empowering. It is freeing. And it follows Christ’s example.”

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  37. I was a people pleaser all of my life. It is really hard to learn how to get free from it, as is any and all addictions. So I can easily relate to your dilemma and tell you how blessed that you are to have parents who will listen and who speak the truth from their wisdom gained in life. I am free now for quite some time. Now I please God and I please me. Other people have to take me as I am because I won’t bow my knee to another human being anymore. Listen again to what Jesus said, as it will help you. Luke 14:26 Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)
    26 “If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.” Keep on because you have a good heart and you can feel pain from making mistakes. You also want to change. You are a good egg. So don’t lose heart.

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    1. thanks so much for sharing that. You’re right – it is a very difficult habit to ditch. Pleasing God is the way to go!!! thanks for the wonderful encouragement. big hugs to you xox

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  38. Honestly, there isn’t anything to criticize in your approach. You’re polite, you’re honest, and you have a conscience about it (some out there seem to relish being the cold fish). You make the best possible choice in every dimension. What more could you do than that? 🙂

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    1. Thanks so much Brandon, I appreciate your kind and encouraging words. Yeah – I tried…but sometimes I’ve got to be the bearer of the hard truth, even if it disappoints. Hope your week is off to a great start! Hugs and love xox

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  39. I know this place well kind lady. And the first time I said NO I thought the heavens were going to open and absolutely trash me. But nothing happened. Eventually I realised my truth was so much more loving than my fibs were, to both parties. And the more I said it, along with the truth, not some made up story, the easier it was for all. You no longer have to justify yourself when you stick to the truth, there is nothing for them to say when you say ‘thank you, but I’m not interested’. You will say it with love so that they won’t feel the pain from you, but the fears that they hold in reaction to it.
    Just be you, you can be no more loving to all 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺

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    1. Hi Mark, thank you so much for sharing your heart on this. Oh I feel you! And that’s such a great point – honesty in the long run is more loving to both parties. Such great advice! Thank you!! Filing that away for next time!!! So grateful for you, friend. Hope you’re having a wonderful night. Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thank you friend — you’re right – speaking the truth is better for everyone involved in the long run! i appreciate the encouragement! big hugs xo

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  41. people also savage you for being honest, I am tagged with being “brutally honest” quite often or even being mean just because we are told by society how to act, men must be manly and women womanly whatever that means, the closer you are to being yourself (honesty) the happier you will be, it is one of the hardest things to do, as “brutal” honest as people say I am I still think I have a ways to go… there is a difference between selfless and healthy selfishness, just my 2 cents, thanks for the thoughts as usual !

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    1. Thanks so much David for sharing your thoughts on this. Lots to ponder here! And you’re right – being ourself is the way to go. Hugs and love xox

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  42. Oh, good one! I was a people pleaser too and I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I also started to see how damaging that kind of avoidance could be, not just to me, but to others. Sometimes we don’t realize that setting our own boundaries can actually be good for other people, too.

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    1. Thank you so much! You’re right – setting boundaries is so healthy, and as ironic as it sounds…it’s freeing too!! 🙂 big hugs to you xox

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    1. Oh wow what a powerful adage, thank you for sharing that with me! And thank you for your service 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  44. Ah, Sweet Lady! This is such a lovely post. You and Your parents are awesome and simply rock! What a wonderful heart You have. I love that when You were in high school You were more comfortable stating Your truth in the moment. You’ll achieve that again! You’re so aware and willing. We’ve all been there and that You felt so horribly about hurting someone speaks volumes about You. Be kind to Yourself!!! I truly believe next time You’re in that situation You’ll have the courage to handle it differently. Thank You and Cheers!!! 🤗❤️😊

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m so glad this resonated with you! You’re right – I pray to have that courage next time too!! Hugs and love xox

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  45. “but that I have feelings for someone else.”…
    Oh do tell… My feline DNA is all aquiver with curiosity.. LOL..

    You did the right thing Caralyn. Believe it or not, I am the same. I too have flaws. If you claim you have many, well by comparison, mine would pile up to the height of Mt. Everest. It took me a long time to realize that being a people-pleaser and trying to please everyone, pleases no one.
    You rather be upfront, tell the truth and accept the consequences like an adult or continue to be the same, and eventually lose out on many great things that God will bring across your path.
    The only two people you should strive the hardest to please is God and yourself. These two are the most important people in your life, and pleasing them eventually pleases everyone.

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    1. Hahaha you’re too funny! Thank you friend for your encouraging words. You’re absolutely right – being upfront is so important. And amen!! God and myself! Thanks for the awesome advice 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  46. It’s interesting that you post this. I had thoughts last night when I read it. I was too tired to post then. It occurred to me this morning that Our Lord and His Mom were not people pleasers. Jesus is kind and compassionate, yet called people to more to sin less, to Faith, to give up the sense that we can make everyone happy or that this is our life’s work. Deep within me there is a bit of “I can fix this situation” when in all reality I’m not that one.
    This post reveals a deep truth working towards our full identity as a child of God is a process rather than an event. Actually your whole blogging experience points to process rather than a single event. We grow and become, and trust and unite, forgive and let go all of this over time. You are a gift Caralyn.

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    1. Thanks so much Teri! You’re so right – it is a process, not an event. And what a powerful thought about Jesus and Mary – your so so right! I mean goodness gracious He was flipping tables in the temple!! Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thank you so much!! You’re right – sooner rather than later!! I appreciate you stopping by and for your words of encouragement! Hugs and love xox

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  48. I don’t think you should feel bad about it. It’s a cultural thing, why I don’t date outside my culture. I’ve tried, then went, “Oh yeah, I forgot…you guys do that.” 😂🙄😬

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      1. I guess, so. About familiarity, I always get knocked by my culture for, “talking white.” I mean, I left the reservation 25 years ago. I tried really hard, but I was not accepted by them because I was not dark enough. But yeah, it is an aspect moreso than any other culture to be, liked with urgency. I was also not accepted by my white peers because I was not well, white. 😂😳 So, there are worse things than your mishap.

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      3. It was, a different time. I learned to be, less vulnerable. More understanding, and probably that’s where I became empathetic to the struggles of others. As I, felt what that’s like to be, different. Maybe, you’ll find someone that’s different, like you.

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      5. Too old for yellow hearts. We cannot govern our hearts without first understanding our thoughts. Be well. Chase boys. Make them cry.

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      7. Well. There is an absurd amount spent on the looking for love but not, actual love. It seems, to be in the game is more important than winning. You’re doing, just what everyone else is doing in this generation.

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      9. You think, is closeness uncomfortable for you? It might be easier, to put love in a holding pattern until they get bored and wander off than further intimacy.

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      11. But, that could be an issue if a Manhattan man is used to umm.. the third date thing. 😂 Trying to be G rated.

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      13. I had issue with, my past being thrown in my face. At first it’s like, “Wow. You must be really good at it to be filmed.” Until, their friends or family find out. I’m actually happy not dating or seeing anyone. I don’t have that expectation.

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      14. I think, this is what love is supposed to feel like.

        “At length, accident flings him into contact with a creature—he hears the tones of her voice—he feels the warm streams of soul shining from her countenance. Gaze meets gaze, and thought sparkles into thought, til the magic blaze is kindled, and—they fall in love.”
        Theodore Fay, 1823

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      16. I wish that for you. We want so much from love but not many of us are active in its pursuits. Well, you moreso. I want someone to look at you and, fall in love. They shall be dashing and slightly posh but not so much it’s pretentious. Just, enough posh. I want you, to look at them and feel like this is it. They should, pass the best friend vetting system with flying colors. Oh, they should dress smartly. Not, that it matters but at least in good clothes they’ll have a chance at a decent job. They should love you, like real men do. For lifetimes.

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      19. lol – they try desperately to get me to see the writing on the wall. but what can i say – i like a challenege…or just people who make me feel like crap ugh

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      21. I’m still unsure how you could avoid conflict. Ever challenge your opinions or just reinforce them?

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      23. I think, that comes with time and confidence and enjoying disappointment. People, socially want to be liked even in the current state of social media and online dating. I think, that’s the shallow water but, if you go deeper. People, want to be understood and respected. I think, you’re understanding the difference of the two. Disappoint someone today, don’t hold the door open. Shut the subway door. Take forever to respond to a text. 😂 Experiment a little.

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      25. I dated this model. We were, very serious but there were similar problems in the beginning. She always had to be perfect until a year later she farts in front of me. That was nice, well, kinda. 😂

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      27. I had a nice divorce. I was a people pleaser, she took everything. I found someone after I thought I’d never have a chance with because, well I’m me. I don’t have a fake me that I pretend to be for a few months just to, not be alone. I don’t really, know how to accomplish that. It looks, exhausting and I used to do triathlons.

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      29. My life’s pretty messed up. I’m glad yours is not but I don’t know. I don’t feel, like I’m getting anything from this.

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  49. Wow! Another great read from one of my favorite bloggers. =)

    Anyway, we live to please the One and Only God. Not anyone else.

    Yes, it is true that honesty hurts but as your family said, it is the best policy.

    God bless you always! =)

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  50. One way to head off the bad effects of codependency is to be totally honest from the outset in every encounter with another person, not in retrospect when the guilt of not being so starts eating away at your conscience. It’s something we have to train ourselves to do but it does prevent “misunderstood signals” from arising and destroying relationships.

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