COVID19 – NYC: A City Flatlined

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

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Quarantine NYC – Day 21

I’m going to be honest, writing about anything other than NYC right now feels incredibly tone deaf. Disingenuous. Insensitive.

There was an 18 wheeler semi truck parked on my street today, in front of a hospital that’s on my block. It was an unusual sight. Not actively loading or unloading. Just parked. All day. Unmarked. Unattended. Out of place among the deserted streets with barely any traffic anymore.

I didn’t think much of it, until I turned on the news that night, only to learn that that hospital is now being used as a temporary morgue for the coronavirus victims. And that semi? It’s a refrigerated holding box for the bodies.

You turn on the news right now, and 90% of the coverage is about how New York City is, for lack of a better term, bleeding out from the impact of the coronavirus on the city.

Which is true.

But as I watch the coverage, and watch Cuomo’s news conferences, and the shots of reporters on the street, and montage images of Times Square and other recognizable landmarks…it is just striking to me that all of this coverage is really missing the mark.

I’ve been in NYC for nine years now, and the city has never felt this way. Not after Hurricane Sandy. Not after Trump was elected. It’s acutely different.

You see, if anyone ever asks me why I love New York, my eyes will always light up, and I’ll answer with two monosyllabic words: the pulse. 

That is the “secret ingredient.” The “it factor.” The hutzpah that makes this great city what it is.

You step outside and there is a literal buzz in the air. It’s electric. From people chasing their dreams. Falling in love. Hustling. Beating the odds. Challenging their limits. And just flat out going for it.

And that, friends, is gone. Corona has flatlined that pulse.

The most jarring effect of COVID19 on the city: is the silence. It is truly deafening.

You walk outside, and you can hear the wind. You can hear the subway rumbling below.

Having lived here for so long, the noise has become part of my life’s soundtrack. In fact, I can’t sleep without it. New Yorkers love to complain about it, but the truth is, there’s a comfort to it. It gives me a sense of security. Of belonging.

That noise is no more. 

Only it has been replaced by the haunting symphony of sirens. Blaring relentlessly. Crying through the streets at all hours, day and night.

Again, sirens have always been part of the musical make up of Manhattan, but not like this. Not to this caliber of consistency.

And every time I hear one, I offer a prayer for the person it’s rushing to help. A habit I wish wasn’t so repetitive.

But that tension I’m feeling in the air — that grip of suffocation everyone is feeling — is fear. 

People are afraid. They’re holed up, trying to live their lives as normal as they can, but the undertone beneath it all, is fear of the this unseen enemy, whose power is uncertain and unchecked and not fully understood.

So we’re silently hostile with our personal space. We resort to selfish behaviors around food and supplies and toiletries. We look with suspicion on those wearing masks, or those not wearing masks. We judge. We don’t make eye contact. And a smile is out of the question.

But we’re all here. We’re all huddled away in our triple-digit square foot apartments doing our best to stay brave and stay positive.

But there’s a moment every night at 7:00, when the nurses and doctors change shifts for the day, when the entire city applauds these heroes on their way home from the hospital. People fling open their windows and clap. And holler. And yell. Some, like myself, bang their pots and pans. It’s a surreal moment of shared humanity.

Yesterday, I looked across the street at my neighbors who were all out on their fire escapes, and for that brief moment, we were all on the same team. We were all collectively exhaling. And truly seeing one another — seeing their fear. Seeing their emotion. Their hurt. Their release of anxiety through a flurry of clapping and hollering, as though the soul was flung out and escaping the barricades.

We’re entering into Holy Week, and it is truly surreal to be fasting from Mass, and from the Eucharist during Lent. There is something missing in my life that is truly so tangible. I long for Mass. I long for that peace and security and comfort found at church. I long for the literal pulse — the heart beat of my faith: the Mass.

That pulse that I’m missing in New York — that makes New York, New York — is that same pulse I’m missing right now as we enter the final preparations of Easter.

Maybe you’re feeling the same, too.

I think now, more than ever, is the time when we, as a faith community, all need to fling open our windows and start banging the pots and pans, too. We need to collectively let out that fear, that longing in our hearts that we feel as we’re prohibited from worshiping together.

Now is the time to come together as a faith community and hurt together. Release it together. Heal together. Hope together. Survive together. While apart.

Because the most insidious weapon that the evil one has, is to make us believe that we are truly alone. Isolated. Forgotten.

Friends, that is never the case. Not now, not ever.

We’re all in this together. And this week, as we walk through Holy Week, physically separated from our lifeline – our pulse – may we truly see one another in our humanness through it all.

And prove the resiliency of the Body of Christ.

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363 thoughts on “COVID19 – NYC: A City Flatlined”

  1. Caralyn…It’s amazing (and not in a good way) that “the city that never sleeps” is so empty. I left NY about 3 years ago and there’s a part of me that is “bleeding” along with those who are still there. It is painful to watch it on the news. It is painful to read about. It is completely unimaginable. But here it is right before our very eyes. I’m missing it there and all of the people who give it so much life! I’m praying for all of you 😢

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and for your prayers! Yes – unimaginable, but here we are! Keeping you in my prayers as well! Stay safe! Hugs and love xox

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  3. That image of the truck? Unbelievable, yet horrifyingly real. I wish with all my heart that you had a federal lock down; I am grateful our country made that call.
    As I write this, the sun is pouring down into my dining room (I’m supposed to be working, not browsing). I can hear the TV in the lounge (after nine days, it seems the other half is now watching soap operas!), my youngest walking around, the birds call and very little else. I am trying to embrace this quiet, but as you say, its odd. And off.
    I’m thinking of you. X

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    1. Yeah it is truly horrifying. Stay well my friend. The birds remind us of that hope. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  4. My aunt lives in Brooklyn and I think of her often. I hate to hear how somber it is out there. My mom was just telling me how horrible the news reports are. She’s doing better btw and is back at work. I hope your brother is well also. I will be continually praying for NYC and everyone around the world.

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    1. Oh gosh I will be praying for her and for you. Thank you Kyndra – for your prayers and for sharing your heart. Stay well friend. Hugs and love xox

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  5. If you’re in New York to talk about anything other than New York would be tone deaf 🥺🥺 Sadly the same thing is happening in Italy, Spain, now Florida were I am, other parts of Europe, and so many other places. Its horrifying and seems unreal. Like a nightmare that doesn’t seem like it’s going to end anytime soon. It breaks my heart. Also upsetting to see people not taking social distancing serious and putting elderly and other people at risk. You are right, we’re all in this together and that’s the only way we’ll get through this. Together we stand, divided we fall. Coronavirus has no face and it can take anyone and we all have to remember that! #onelove Stay safe my friend and God bless.

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    1. Thanks Lane, yeah our city is hurting right now to say the least. Praying for you and your community. You’re so right. One love! Stay well my friend! Hugs and love xox

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      1. You’re very welcome 💕💕 To see New York that way is truly heartbreaking. I think Mr. Cuomo is doing an excellent job though. You guys will make it through. Thank you my friend! 💕🦋

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  6. My heart goes out to New York Caralyn ❤ Hang in there! I hope this will pass and the city will be back to its beautiful self again. I have the same feeling about Seattle right now. I've been here for 13 years. Its hard but stay busy with other things. As much as it sounds Insensitive, it helps us stay sane and better for our mental health. I know you feel like you want to do something, but it's out of our control. Only thing we can do is stay home to help the medical staff and community. Stay safe and be well my friend ❤ much love, humility, and respect. Muayyad

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    1. Thank you so much Muayyad. I so appreciate your kindness. Praying for you and your community as well! Amen – we need to do what we can!! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

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  8. You are brilliant. The emptiness is seen here in Staten Island whenever I go out for a ride as I did last night. I only have to watch out for the deer. It’s a ghost town. But not comparable to the bright lights of the city. I imagine that one poignant moment when 7 hits and people clap and bang pots and pans as very therapeutic and needed in a time like this. I just took a listen to a emotional Nine Inch Nails song that captivated how we feel. I’ll share. You can listen if you want. It is exactly what we need.

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    1. Oh my gosh thank you so much Derek. Yeah the city is eerie. Especially today with the whipping wind. I’ll have to check out that song. Thanks for passing it along. Stay well my friend. Hugs and love xox

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      1. You’re welcome Caralyn. That part about the truck outside where you live was mind numbing. :(. That’s what we are facing. The virtual unknown. We need music and unique things to hold onto.

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  9. After Jesus was crucified his disciples huddled in fear for their lives. The only thing that dissolved the fear was seeing their Savior. As you so aptly wrote he is the only cure for fear. But more than the Corona virus he died so we need not fear the pandemic of sin. Wonderfully written again Caralyn. All New York needs to read your words. Thanks. John

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    1. Oh aka what a powerful perspective. Thank you so much John for sharing that!! Wow what a kind thing to say. Stay well! Hugs and love xox

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  10. I’ve been holding back on making an entry since this whole COVID-19 crisis began. Part of my dealing with it is to do it silently with a stiff upper lip, Much like our parents and grandparents did for the Second world war. I know things will never be the same, but there’s something at the back of my skull that says things will get better. Wonderful things happen when you spend time on your knees. We will get through this. May God bless you for sharing and dealing with this unique point of our history in a wonderfully simple way- sharing Good News.

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    1. Thank you for sharing that. Yes I believe you’re right – things will get better. I’m choosing to hold onto that hope. Stay well friend. Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thank you for all three! Especially the prayers! Know that you’re in mine too! Hugs and love xox stay well x

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    1. Thank you so much Erin. I know. It is so unbelievably devastating. Prayers for the world. Stay well. Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thanks for sharing that, Alan. I hope you’re right – that we all come out with a better perspective on one another. stay well. Hugs and love xox

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  16. I’d say “Let go” and focus on what you are feeling. If you are a glass of water right now, that water isn’t still, its agitated. It will be ok. We are going to get through this.

    Hold on tight and focus for once on your own internal pulse instead of the external pulse.

    xx

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    1. you’re so right – we will get through this. thank you for your words of encouragement! Hugs and love xox stay well x

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    1. thank you so much Ryan for your prayers! Our city definitely needs them! God bless you!! know you’re in mine too! stay well! Hugs and love xox

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  18. It’s crazy to think how one virus has had this huge of an impact on such a vibrant city. Really well written, thank you for sharing! Sending love and good vibes from the West Coast 💕

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    1. you’re so right about that Morgan – it is literally mind boggling. Thank you for your kind words. Sending big big hugs x stay well x

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    1. thank you so much for your kind words. You’re right – there is victory in Christ. may we all hold onto that! stay well. Hugs and love xox

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  20. It sounds like that ‘pulse’ is very much alive and well within you, lovely lady. You’ve got this. 🙂 Sending so much love to you and that beautiful city of yours. I’ve felt that pulse, and it really is all the lovely things. xx

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    1. what a kind thing to say, thank you Brooke. I so appreciate that! hope you’re staying well! big hugs to you xox

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    1. Thank you so much Veronica! your prayers are so appreciated! know that you’re in mine too! sending big big hugs xox stay well x

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    1. thank you so much Russ – yeah our city is hurting right now. thank you for your kindness and prayers. know that you’re in mine too! stay well! Hugs and love xox

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  23. It is so strange when a major city flatlines isn’t it? I am also a city girl. I lived in London for around ten years. When I first moved here, it was so quiet I could not sleep. London like New York is also a bit of an epicentre. I love London. Refrigerated trucks kind of give us a picture of the stark reality don’t they? You have however never missed a beat with your blog, despite the cockroach incident and the refrigerated truck parked outside. Carolyn you are probably a beacon of hope to more people than you realise.

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    1. you’re so right about that. oh wow – i will definitely be praying for you and for London. stay healthy and well my friend. i appreciate you words of encouragement. xox

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  24. Prayers for you & all of the New Yorkers… in the silence. Let those moments of community embrace you deeply!

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    1. thank you so much Kim for your prayers, they are so needed. know that you’re in mine too! stay well! hugs xox

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  25. “Company”, a Sondheim musical placed in NYC, used the guitar to emulate the bust signal on the telephone – I was lucky enough to play along in the orchestra – and if that be-de-beeb, be-de-beep, be-de-beep, etc., was lost the play was lost. You had to keep up the pace. And if the pace slowed down you doubly hard to pick it back up. -Jeff

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  26. This is the best piece you’ve ever written. Or top 10. But then again, I love everything you write. I love you, sweet friend. I loved the way you united us as Americans, as God’s children, as humans.
    Beautiful. Haunting. Compelling. Thank you for sharing your heart and your perspective.
    Praying for you and your city.

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    1. oh gosh thank you Melissa, what a kind thing to say, I am seriously so touched. Thank you for your prayers – they are so needed right now during this time. knowthat you’re in mine too. stay well. Hugs and love xox

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      1. I posted this on my facebook page and it was immediately shared. I read this to my Mom over coffee this morning. She said, “If there’s a book written about this, her blog should go in there.”

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      2. thank you for sharing it! oh my gosh, i am so humbled! one thing’s for sure — there is going to be LOTS of books and movies about this time, and it’s going to be fascinating to see how it’s depicted 10,20 years from now. Hang in there Melissa! big hugs to you xox

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  27. Beautiful written post. Poignant. I can hear the silence, I can feel it. I know what you mean about the pulse of NYC, even though I’ve only visited once for a weekend. I couldn’t sleep those two nights for all the noise and excitement, but that was OK with me. It was exactly the way it was supposed to be, except it wasn’t as mean as I expected. (Not that I would have minded the meanness…Ha! Just kidding. Kinda.) Remember this, when you feel alone in your gigantic, wonderful, brutal beast of a city. If the Lord is willing, it will come back, just as it always has. Just as our Country will. And, the rest of the Country will follow, just as it always has.
    “Be still and know that I am God.”
    Peace,
    Pam

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    1. thank you so much Pam, I so appreciate that. Yeah the quiet is just a constant reminder of what our city is going through right now. Amen – it will come back. we all will. becuase God is good! stay well my firend. Hugs and love xox

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  28. I’ve lived through several events that have made the world collectively stop and pause. The gas shortages of the 70’s, Reagan being shot, the Challenger exploding, 911, Wars, disease… this one has been taken more seriously earlier. In that is good and bad, the good news is all of this lock down will “flatten the curve” time is on our side. The bad news is the unbelievable crush of information.

    Reagan got shot? 911? There was no twitter, You tube was in its infancy. For all my younger friends out there youre going to be okay, relax, take stock, reintroduce yourself to your faith. This will pass.

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    1. Hi Karac, thank you for sharing that – you’re so right – this will pass. stay well. Hugs and love xox

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    1. thank you so much for your encouragement. we will get through this! stay well my friend. Hugs and love xox

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    1. thanks Randy – yes things are hard but we’re going to get through this. stay well. Hugs and love xox

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  31. One of the best posts I’ve seen and read. I read a news article about the temporary morgues and reading your blog I can’t imagine seeing it all first hand.

    Thank you for sharing.

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    1. oh gosh thank you Krystle, that truly means so much. yeah it made me catch my breath. thanks for your kindness. stay well. hugs xox

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  32. I will be praying for you, for all of us really. Even in south Louisiana, 100 miles from New Orleans where I live, the virus is starting to become a visible reality. We have been staying home and only curbside shopped once so far. I have continued doing what I normally do in my relation with God. I learned some time back that I can’t trust myself. I have to keep myself immeresed in spiritual songs, sermons and reading His Word to control my flesh. In doing that I’ve grown closer to God and He at times makes me aware that He’s much more aware of me than I ever thought possible. I know our situation is not as dire as yours yet but short of a miracle by God, this could be only the early stages of this crisis. We Christians have a Blessed Hope that even if our body perishes, our eternity is beautiful. Hard times are not wasted in the economy of God. For some, they will finally discover Him. Baby Christians will mature much faster. Mature Christians will be finely honed to a truly set apart instrument for God’s Hands to use. All Christians are “Greatly Beloved” by our Dear Heavenly Father. The church has always be refined through tribulation of some type.

    Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest.
    Daniel 10:11 And he said to me, O Daniel, a man “Greatly Beloved,”

    Now are the days to find the Daniel in us while fully understanding God’s unwaivering Love for us.

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    1. Hi Tony, thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. You’re right – there is hope in Christ that we must cling to right now. thank you for sharing your heart. Praying for you and yours. hang in there. Hugs and love xox

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  33. Ah, Caralyn, that read like a breath of fresh air. Amen and amen! I love that New Yorkers are cheering on the medical heroes at shift change. I had to stop in the middle of reading to go share that with my family.

    PS – my church is hosting a virtual Seder plate this coming Wednesday night. Let me know if you’re interested. It’s roughly what our Lord would have been doing just before His arrest and crucifixion, making it beautiful to me. 🙂

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    1. Oh Heather you are too sweet. Thank you so much. Yeah it’s the best moment of the day!!! Those health workers are real life heroes! (My brother is a doctor and definitely one too!) oh wow that’s beautiful – id love to virtually attend! Thank you!!! Stay well 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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      4. Oh perfect! Thank you! Yeah my DM inbox is quite a mess hahahahhaha thank you again!!

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  34. You captured this so powerfully on multiple levels. This has shaken us so much, but I don’t think most of America has felt the impact you have being in the heart of one of the most affected areas. Thank you for articulating this so well!

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    1. thank you so much Matthew – yeah it has really caused a full stop here in NYC. It is sobering to say the least. thanks for stopping by. big hugs and stay well xox

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  35. 😢 “The city that never sleeps” is in sleep mode. The must influential city in the world-symbol of prosperity and fashion. 😙 We will never see life as it was-prosperity, image, pursuit, and those characteristics that make New York City. After this seemly plague has passed, we will see things with much more gratitude, generosity, and gentleness. And we know…

    And we know that ALL things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. -Romans 8:28 🙏

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    1. you’re so right – it’s hibernating. i pray that it passes soon. amen – God will find a way to use this for good. stay well. Hugs and love xox

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    1. surreal times. thank you for your kindness. hope yo’ure hanging in there. stay well! Hugs and love xox

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  37. I think one of the most heart breaking images I have seen is a photograph of Times Square completely empty, devoid of a single, solitary soul. It spoke so definitively to what this virus has done to humanity. Your description of the semi truck being used as storage for bodies is gripping and painful. Our faith is surely being tested. But, if we believe in a loving, merciful God, we know that we are not forgotten – no matter where we live or how bad things seem at this moment in time. God is with us and will carry us through. If nothing else, this virus has brought home what is truly important in life.

    I am Canadian and I am praying for the people of New York City, as well as people around the globe. Stay healthy. Stay safe.

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    1. Hi Carol, thank you so much for your prayers and kindness. yes! i will join you in those prayers for the world. Amen – He will carry us through. stay well my friend. Hugs and love xox

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  38. Beautiful post. You pinpointed what it is about New York that we love. I can’t wait to be back in the city with it’s pulse. Thank you.

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    1. Thank you so much Laura, I so appreciate your kind words. Yes! it will come roaring back, I’m holding onto that hope 🙂 stay well! Hugs and love xox

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  39. Caralyn, remember that God is never surprised. New York has been through this before and will recover. And as NY is suffering today, other cities around the world will likely also suffer.
    However, God has shown us in the Scriptures that this will not be how this world ends. And for those of us who know Him intimately, we need not fear death.
    Be of good cheer! Our God reigns over sin, sickness and death
    He is RISEN!

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    1. you’re so right about that! He is never surprised and He reigns! that is such a comforting thought. thank you for the reminder! hope you’re staying well! Hugs and love xox

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  40. Beautiful, honest post, Caralyn. I’ve visited New York a couple of times and can understand the pulse you’re missing at this time. My prayers are with you and all of New York, as well as our entire nation. We will get through this. This is a very special weekend for my family as it is General Conference weekend in my church. You’re welcome to tune into any of the sessions. We will hear our prophet’s and apostles’ messages and they are always uplifting and encouraging. I’ll include the link to check it out, if you wish: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/?lang=eng

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    1. thank you so much Camie 🙂 I so appreciate your kind words and prayers. and yes! i’ll have to check that out! thank you! Hugs and love xox

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  42. Bless you! I’ve always loved your writing – but with this piece you have touched my heart deeply and given voice to the soul of what we are experiencing as a nation, and a word. Stay safe and stay positive. Your faith and spirit are a shining light. Lifting prayers for you, and us all!

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    1. Aw, thank you so much! wow i am so touched by such a kind comment — i am humbled by your generosity. thanks for the prayers. know you are in mine too! stay well! Hugs and love xox

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  44. Such strong writing, I agree, and may you get through these times with your hat on your head. On silence, one business coach on YouTube, when I needed help on how to vocalize the impact of the crisis on our worksite, had a video for how to relay the impact to people utilizing you.

    While risking letting out a secret, the coach’s advice wasn’t unlike what I’ve heard before. He reminded business guys that to add impact and urgency to a message, drop in a “dynamic silence.” Relate what’s going on and give it silence to help it hit home.

    Maybe insignificant contrasted with what you’re passing on, but that’s the parallel I drew. Fascinating to read your thoughts. Keep up the stupendous blogging!

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    1. oh my goodness thank you for such generous words Odell. Dynamic silence — what a profound idea. thanks for the encouragemetn. big hgus xox

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  45. God Bless you. Thank you for sharing your story and your faith. Stay well, stay strong and in love and light. ♥️🙏

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    1. thank you so much for your kind words! keeping you in my prayers, Collette! stay well! Hugs and love xox

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  46. Beautifully written, love your honest thoughts! Feed that pulse-vibe through Him above…get deep into His word and thrive on every piece of it..this is truly a time of amazing opportunity to draw closer to God like never before. I can’t imagine how eerie it must be seeing the firsthand effects but we have the beautiful gift of knowing our God as Lord and Savior. I honestly don’t know how people are getting through this without the peace and comfort of being grounded and connected to Him, my heart pleads for them and those who are suffering the initial impacts of this virus. Blessings to you, stay safe and healthy!!!!

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    1. Thank you so much friend for your kind words. Amen – He offers the only real comfort. Praying for you!! Hugs and love xox

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  47. We are all praying for New York! I can’t imagine the silence. It’s even oddly quiet in the suburbs of Middle Tennessee…just a piece of a splinter of you are experiencing. And the sirens. Just a little more frequent, and a lot more persistent because our minds go to fear. Continue turning to prayer. God is bigger. And your entire country, the world in fact, is praying for you and your magnificent city.

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    1. Thank you so much for your prayers! You’re right – God is bigger! What a comforting reminder! Thanks for stopping by! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

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  49. This post and your IG story is chilling. Makes me so sad of all that this virus has stolen. I can’t imagine NYC quiet. When I visit my son there, it’s the pulse that you talk about that is so energizing. And yes, I’m longing for Mass and the Eucharist again. While the live stream brings me peace, it’s just not the same. Every day this virus seems to get grimmer and normalcy seems so far away, if not impossible. Thank you for pouring your heart out. We WILL get through this and our faith will be stronger because of it. Praying for you Caralyn. 🙏🏼❤️

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    1. Thank hokey so much Lisa for reading. Yeah – NYC is truly surreal. It is chilling to say the least. You’re right – it’s close but literally nothing can replace the true presence. Praying for you and yours during this Holy Week. Thank you for the prayers. Know that you’re in mine too. Hugs and love xox stay well x

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  50. My heart breaks for you, NYC and our world. Thank you for this compelling and honest firsthand look at what is happening in NYC. I pray God will remedy COVID-19 while guarding you and all home you hold dear. Psalms 23, 27 and 91 are my essential reads right now.

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    1. Thank you Ada for your prayers and kindness. Amen. There is comfort in those psalms! Stay well! Hugs and love xox

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