My parents are selling our childhood home.
Yep. My family has lived in this house for over 34 years. I was born there. We’ve celebrated every Christmas and Thanksgiving around that table. The memories are countless, and the history there, priceless.
And today, – right now – I’m on a plane to go say goodbye to the house.
To be honest, I have been a wreck of emotions since I found out last week. Sadness, nostalgia, a little disappointment.
The thing I was struggling with most was that I felt like I would no longer have a place to call home.
But the thing that I’ve come to realize, is that it’s not the house that makes the home, but rather, the people in it. Home is wherever they are.
And to be honest, I’m a bit ashamed of my initial, knee jerk reaction to learning the news. I was looking from a selfish place: a self-concerned, how-does-this-effect-me-mindset, when the fact is, that’s not my place.
This is going to be a wonderful new adventure for my parents. They’re moving to a beautiful house right down the street from my brother and his family, into a charming neighborhood with sidewalks and destinations to walk and be active.
I’m thrilled for them, and this will be an exciting new chapter for our entire family – myself included.
And to be honest, though right now, in my mind, I’m only remembering the good times, the fact is, for the seasons after my anorexia and ulcerative colitis flares, I was begging my parents to move. The pain associated with specific places in the house and the horrifically dark memories attached to it, I wanted to get as far away from as possible.
I mean, to this day, when I visit I sleep in my brother’s old room, because I feel spiritually attacked when I’m in my old bedroom: the place where my eating disorder took hold of my heart, body, mind and soul those 13 years ago.
So, for the amount of joy, there is also a lot of pain written in those walls. I’m just in a place now where, I’ve put those dark memories to bed, and am living in the light, and only remembering as such.
This coming week, I’m going to have to go through all of my old things – everything from saved baby clothes, to scrapbooks, to boxes and boxes of memorabilia from all the shows I was in growing up, to things from the seasons of life where I was battling anorexia and ulcerative colitis.
It’s going to be an emotional, emotional task, and I humbly ask for your prayers.
What I’ve been hit with the most, as I’ve come to peace with this news, is gratitude.
Because the truth is, despite the seasons of pain, I am deeply blessed to have an incredibly loving and supportive family. And to have come from such a stable home. Those are life changing blessings that sadly not everyone has access to.
So yes, I can feel sad for a minute to say goodbye to the house that provided that beautiful childhood, but the fact of the matter is that, I should instead, be brimming with thankfulness for the life the people in it provided for me.
That is something that I cannot and will not ever take for granted.
So it’s now time to put my tray table up, and make the last drive home from the airport.
I love you, friends. Have a beautiful Monday.
“This is what the Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” Ez 37:5
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