Dear Future Husband

One thing that I don’t think we do enough of, is be still.

Or maybe, that’s just me. But I have an inkling that I’m not alone in my constant busyness and hustle.

But given everything that has happened here in this recent season of life, I’m trying to remedy that. I’m really trying to slow down and carve out time to be still and just sit with God.

Looking back at a letter from 2015 this bride-to-be wrote to her future #husband. It’s amazing to see how #God answers prayers. #faith #catholic #edrecovery #recovery #prayer #love #engaged #god

Because frankly, I’m lost without Him. I need his guidance and I need His peace covering my life.

But it’s funny, because when we sit with God, He always shows up. Maybe it’ll be a thought that pops into your head, or a verse to look up. For me, I’m always moved to write poetry and somehow the words just flow in perfect ABAB rhyme schemes. But He always shows up. Whether we’ve aware enough to recognize it sometimes a different story. But He always does.

Looking back at a letter from 2015 this bride-to-be wrote to her future #husband. It’s amazing to see how #God answers prayers. #faith #catholic #edrecovery #recovery #prayer #love #engaged #god

Well, last week, during one of those newly sought after moments of stillness, I was moved to revisit the archives of my blog.

I’ve been writing this little ol’ thing since the beginning of 2015, if you can believe that. And as I was going back, I stumbled upon my old post, “Dear Future Husband.”

Looking back at a letter from 2015 this bride-to-be wrote to her future #husband. It’s amazing to see how #God answers prayers. #faith #catholic #edrecovery #recovery #prayer #love #engaged #god

And being the newly engaged bride-to-be, I instantly clicked on it, and read the words of a young woman, yearing for love, and trying to trust in the timing of God’s plan even when doing so was proving difficult.

I shared it with Steven, and I wanted to also share it with you. And keep in mind, when I wrote this on October 11, 2015, I already knew Steven. He and I were friends. Funny how God works things out sometimes.

Looking back at a letter from 2015 this bride-to-be wrote to her future #husband. It’s amazing to see how #God answers prayers. #faith #catholic #edrecovery #recovery #prayer #love #engaged #god

Dear Future Husband,
I do not know who you are yet, but I want you to know that you’re in my heart. My heart, which for a long time has been closed to love, is slowly opening up to that idea. Like a flower blooming towards the sun.
Even though I do not know your face or your name, I feel close to you. Because I pray for you every day.
I pray that, wherever you are in the world, you are being shaped into who you’re made to be. The man after God’s heart.
And I pray that my heart is being prepared to love you, and to receive your love.
You see, there’s something that you need to know about me.
It is hard for me to accept love.
From myself, from others, and, yes, you.
But I am praying for God to transform my heart so that I will be able to receive it fully.
And I know that He will. I know that once my heart is ready for that, I will meet you, and want to give my heart to you completely.
There’s something else that I want you to know.
love you.
Sitting here in 2015, I love you — you — whom I do not know.
And my love for you is not just an idea. It is an action.
An action that I live out, everyday. You see, I am saving myself for you.
Is that hard to do? Yes. Is it a sacrifice on a lot of levels? Yes.
But…
I love you enough to wait.
I love myself enough to wait.
In learning to love myself for who I am, I have realized that I truly am precious. Worthy. Enough. And I am worth waiting for. I love myself enough that I am not going to give the amazing gift that I am to just anyone. I am going to save it for you.
Because you are my husband. The man who I will love forever. The man who I will stand and unite with before God.
Lastly, I want you to know that I’m broken goods.
I have been put back together, but I am fragile. And there will be some days that are harder than others.
It is in those times that I ask for patience. Recovery is something that you cannot do for me. Only I can do it. Only He can do it.
So I just ask that you love me through those tough times.
Marriage is a beautiful union. One that is forever. You. Me. And God.
An adventure that I look forward to. An exciting chapter that is yet to come.
So until the day we meet, I will continue to pray for you and love you with my body, mind and spirit. And I will continue to pursue God’s heart as He transforms mine for yours.

Love,
Your future wife

Two things struck out to me after reading this today, in 2022.

First: It makes me sad to know that this young girl (me lol) truly believed that she was broken goods. Sitting here today, that’s not how I feel at all. Yes, I have been broken…I was broken…but not any more. I have been freed from all of that guilt and shame I carried around that I thought made me broken. Things that I thought made me unloveable. I have been set free. Jesus set me free — redeemed me from them. And I can honestly say, Steven has played a huge role in loving me through the process of embracing that freedom, and the abundance that comes with it.

Looking back at a letter from 2015 this bride-to-be wrote to her future #husband. It’s amazing to see how #God answers prayers. #faith #catholic #edrecovery #recovery #prayer #love #engaged #god

Secondly: It’s really beautiful to see, so tangibly, how God works. How amazing it is to see God’s loving heart play out so specifically. Every blog post I write, is somewhat of a prayer, to be honest. I always sit down and say, “Come Holy Spirit, teach me how to write,” and then the words come. So that letter to my future husband, it was my heart’s deepest prayer. And to see God answer that to the fullest extent and beyond — preparing for me the man who has absolutely ignited my life, in the best way possible. My prince among men. The one I have waited my entire life for.

Looking back at a letter from 2015 this bride-to-be wrote to her future #husband. It’s amazing to see how #God answers prayers. #faith #catholic #edrecovery #recovery #prayer #love #engaged #god

So anyway, before this gets too mushy, I wanted to just share this with you, and hopefully inspire you to be still and examine the ways that God has shown up for you in your life.

Have a beautiful weekend, friends.

Love,
Caralyn

Looking back at a letter from 2015 this bride-to-be wrote to her future #husband. It’s amazing to see how #God answers prayers. #faith #catholic #edrecovery #recovery #prayer #love #engaged #god

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53 responses to “Dear Future Husband”

    • thank you John, I appreciate that 🙂 have a wonderful weekend! Hugs and love xox

  1. I’ve followed your blog for many years now and I love how you have grown. Grown close to God and how He knew way before you were ready who would love you the way you need. I pray you draw each other closer to our Savior every day. Blessings.

    • Hi Vicki! Oh my gosh, I am so touched by this sweet note! Thank you so much – Yes – God really has been crafting my story and leading my path. I am so grateful for the journey he’s brought us on. Thank you for your prayers, and for sharing, not only in the joy, but the journey with me. means the world. Hugs and love xox

  2. You make me cry (from happiness). You shine with God’s love. You are an inspiration to everyone who has ever walked down a dark path of despair and been made new by God’s limitless love and mercy. I am so very happy for you and Steven. Thank you for your blog. It means more than you can imagine.

  3. I am so happy for you and thankful to have gotten to read your journey. I’ve followed a long time and have been rooting for you. I remember several dates that had gone wrong and so many others I could relate you. What’s funny is I’m reading your story and am able to relate to you and seem to be a few steps behind in the marathon. 🙂

    You’re so encouraging. God has used you in so many ways as a witness to his goodness and faithfulness so never let that devil steal your thoughts when thoughts of self doubt creep in.

    He works it all out for our good. Thank you for sharing your life and journey with Christ. <3

  4. Thank you for sharing. It is always a joy to see the union of believers living accordingly and unashamedly so! Praying for your marriage!

    • Thank you so much Sonya! I appreciate your support and for your prayers! They mean more than you know! Hugs and love xox

  5. I have been trying to work out exactly how long I had been following your blog. Turns out I wrote my sole post about eating disorders in 2017. So glad I did. It has been a privilege to follow your journey to the happy place where you now are.
    Your reliance on God has shone through every step of the way. So happy for you both. My faith has taken a bit of a hammering lately but your blog has clearly displayed the rich fruits of relying on God.

  6. Carolyn, thank you for sharing your letter to your future husband. It is amazing that he was already in your life but in a different role. Sometimes, we have to go through much before we see what is right in front of us. Life is always a journey and you have certainly matured in the Lord, during it. Love and hugs!

    • Thank you Alan! It’s always fun to see the journey God has taken us on! Hugs and love xox

  7. So beautifully written. Thanks for opening up about your life and journey with God. So excited for this new chapter you are in. Congratulations!

    • Thank you Desiree, I appreciate your kind words and for sharing in the joy with us! means a lot. Hugs and love xox

  8. “Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Matt 7:7 I think you could add “Write and it shall be listened to.” Continued celebratory hugs to both you and Steven during this joy-filled time in your lives. 💕

    • Amen to that, Dawn! Thank you so much Dawn for this beautiful note, and for celebrating with us 🙂 We are certainly overjoyed and looking forward to all that is to come 🙂 Hugs and love xox

    • Thank you galen, I appreciate that. You’re right – God has definitely been good to us! have a wonderful weekend! Hugs and love xox

  9. This is such a beautiful letter to your future husband! You are indeed a child of God and He has blessed you with Steven. Thank you for sharing your life with us. I keep you in my prayers.

    • Thank you Delores! Gosh, you are too kind! We both deeply appreciate your prayers! Hugs and love xox

  10. You have had a journey of grace, full of Grace, and Mercy, and filled with Life and Love.

    I expect nothing less of you than to become a full time mother, who will at times have to be totally practical, but who will also be 100% there for your children,

    Who at the end of your journey will say to God, have I done well, and He will say, “Well done My good and faithful servant.”

    For what God had called you to do, you have done it to the max.

    And, that if you ever get tired on your journey, you will say to the Lord, Lord I am tired.

    He will reply, “Rest. Rest in My love.” You will rest. Ready for the next day.

    • Gosh, thank you for such a kind and beautiful note of affirmation. I am so moved. God is definitely good. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

  11. I love this😍…I really needed to see this message, at a time that I’m trying to be still in God…and going through this bouts of loving myself and if I’ll be able to pour out love & receive love.
    God richly bless your union with your special gentleman…indeed in God’s own timing, He makes all things beautiful.

    • Aw, thank you so much! I’m so glad this resonated with you. praying for you! Hugs and love xox

    • thank you so much Shari! Yes! That is such great advice to continue praying! Hugs and love xox

  12. I am not in love, and have never been in a relationship, but I wrote this the other day. Before now I have not prayed your prayer word for word, but it is also in my heart.

    Will I know I want you

    When you want me?

    When I falter when you look at me,

    When I clumsily pretend I’m not disarmed by your being?

    Perhaps I’ll know it when you talk to me, and some soft part of you shines through your eyes, onto my face, into my mind.

    Maybe it will be in my dreams

    And in my prayers that I find

    You, who I stand with in this stream

    Covered by a canopy of fallen branches, woven by wind and time.

    The broken light dapples across the creek, and our hands are clasped together,

    I vow my life and yours as one, now, and then forever.

    Congratulations on your engagement 💛 blessings to you both.

  13. Waiting is worth it and your love story was worthy of the waiting.

    I so agree with this “One thing that I don’t think we do enough of, is be still.” I know I need to be still more before God especially where goals and work is concerned.

    I recalled reading the original post in regards to the Letter to your spouse and it had touched me so much and now it has touched me even more immensely seeing that I’m now currently in a relationship lol after waiting for 9 years ha! God bless and continue to keep your union. <3

    Thanks for sharing again. It was worthy to read again.🙏🏼💯💌

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