You’ve cried out.
Pleaded. Begged in desperation. Implored Jesus to rescue you.
Jesus, I cannot do this anymore by myself. I need you to save me. I need you to free me. I am crying out to you because I have nowhere else to go. I have no one left to turn to. I’m crying out to you in this moment of utter defeat and despair.
You’re literally in a pile on the floor. Shattered. Broken. Your mascara has stained your entire cheeks black yet your eyes are dry because you have nothing left to cry. You’ve spent every ounce in your body beating yourself up over your mistakes. Over your slip ups. Over your shortcomings. You’ve cried out to Jesus. Earnestly prayed for His help. But you still are a broken mess on the floor. You still are hurting. What now? Did Jesus just ignore me?
You think, Of course Jesus ignored me. There’s no way He’d actually come to my aid. I’ve done too many horrible things. I’m not worth saving.
One word: surrender.
And this is the hardest, most difficult part.
This is what will truly begin to mend your heart.
You need to surrender.
You need to let go of your enslavement to ED.
You need to hand over everything your gripping tight to. Everything you’re still trying to control. Everything that is still ruling your life. Everything you’re afraid of.
You need to surrender your eating disorder to Jesus.
Because when you do, He will take it away. He will release you from the chains that are keeping you in bondage to ED.
Because here’s the thing: What does Jesus actually do when you cry out to Him in desperation? What actually comes of it?
I mean, we hear it all the time. “Cry out to Jesus.” “Turn to Him in your trials.” “Reach for Him when you’re broken.” Okay, okay. I’ve got it. I hear you. But the fact of the matter is, I’m still hurting right now. It’s not like — BAM! — I instantly am 100% on board with my most recent intake increase. Or, — BOOM! — all of a sudden I love my body! Nope. It’s more like, Okay, I just cried out to you. When are you going to rescue me? Little help here! Still down here on the floor. Yep…Any time now…
What does Jesus actually do when you cry out to Him?
He empowers you.
He puts that little small voice inside your head that whispers to you to keep trying. To keep your head up. That little voice that tells you that you’re worth it. That you’re loved. That you’re enough.
He empowers you to beat ED.
Think about your hands. When you’re in your eating disorder, your hands are clenched tight to control. They’re balled up in fists, absolutely clamped tight around your weight, your intake, your exercise, your purging, your strict regimen, your isolation, your depression…everything that you can control, you’ve got trapped in a death grip.
When you surrender, your hands let go, — they go limp — and all those things you were gripping tight in order to control just slip through your fingers like sand.
And in that moment, when your limp hands are beginning to fall to your side, Jesus’ hands swoop in and grab onto yours. He pulls you up off the ground. And with your hands in His, He leads you. He empowers you to hold on to the Truth. To reach for something and Someone more.
But you’ve got to release your grip. In order for Jesus to be able to grab your hands and lead you, your hands have to be empty. And open.
Crying out is the first step. It is a great step. It is the beginning of the healing process and takes tremendous courage.
The surrendering is the action. It is the game plan. The follow up. The post-cry out blast off. Which leads to the greatest journey of your life.
Jesus surrendered absolutely everything. He surrendered His life. For you. For me. Because He loves us that much. In stretching out His arms on the Cross, He handed over absolutely everything He had. And so we can use that as an example. Maybe we think that our eating disorder is the only thing in our lives that we can control. Maybe we’re afraid of what our life could be without ED sabotaging it every day. Maybe our eating disorder is a way to feel the brokenness we know in the flesh. Whatever it is, that’s what we’re clinging to and desperately trying to control. And that’s what we need to surrender.
The power to beat ED lies in you. Because God put it there. He’s empowered you.
When you cried out, He equipped you with all the tools you need to beat ED. Let go of the death grip. Let all those things just slip through your fingers. Surrender so that He can take it away, and fill your open, empty hands with His.
Psalm 34:4 The Lord…frees me from all my fears. Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy. No shadow of shame will darken their faces. I cried out to the Lord in my suffering and He heard me. He set me free of all my fears. He rescues me.
10 responses to “Surrender”
[…] believe that I have great worth and immeasurable value, and yes – beauty – I have to completely surrender my fears and guilt and shame about my ED past to Jesus. Because simply knowing that He already paid […]
I had a conversation with another inmate at Oakdale FCI one day in the dining room about surrendering to Christ in order to deal with addictions. He said to me, “You don’t know the power of addiction”, to which I replied, “Au contraire!”
I went on, “I have been addicted to alcohol, cocaine, marijuana, tobacco, and pornography, so I DO know the power of addiction, obsession, and allowing things to control my every thought and action.”
“But let me ask you this,” I went on. “Do you believe in God?” “Yes.” Do you believe that God created the universe and everything in it?” “Yes.” “Do you believe that God can heal the sick, make the blind see, and the lame walk?” “Yes.” “Do you believe that God can bring the dead to life?” “Yes.”
“Then what makes you think God cannot deal with your petty addictions?”
All we need to do is raise our own little white flag and surrender to Him. All we have to do is lay our junk at the foot of the Cross and pick up His ‘burden’ of Love.
Heck of a deal.
OK, I’ll shut up now. You really do a fine job on your own. You don’t need my 2 cents (even though that was a lot more than 2 cents!)
God bless you!
Ooo! I think I’ve found a blog post I can write about. As I was reading I was thinking about my own times of surrendering. And for me it’s a double edged blade. There is a sense of complete overwhelming helplessness, but for me personally, in those times, I feel the most loved by Jesus. Not that He chooses when and when not to love us. But that our tie of control is so weakened, when God says “My strength is made perfect in weakness,” I can feel Him. I can feel Him reach out. A reminder, He is nearby. He has a plan, as you spoke of. When I get through the hard times, I look back on the dark days, the days I surrendered pain and fear to God. And I see His hand all over. His work is beautiful <3
Yes, His hands are all over. What a comforting thought 🙂
I can really relate to the closed hands analogy. Thank you for sharing xx <3
i’m so glad this hit home with you. big hugs xo
oh the timeing though, it gets me everytime. I was just telling my best friend yesterday how I am still holding on to the chain’s that God as tryed, and tryed agian to pry off me, but I wouldn’t let him. I was telling her how I’m not ready to let go yet and well surrender, and let him resuce me. But reading this fealing convicted, I just sat and asked him to take me in and resuce you me, I just gave it all to him, all the control is in his hand which he does a mighty fine job. I feel so relived, and have this overwhelming since of peace. Prasie God. Thanks for all the Love and support!!
Oh that is so amazing. Yes Natalie!! I am cheering for you and lifting you up in prayer! Surrendering is the best way to live and grow!!! Love you friend!!!! Xox