State of the Union

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Well, here we are. One year later.

Last week was my one year anniversary of BBB. My “blogiversary.” (And please read the sarcasm there…I am literally cringing as I type that word.)

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I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t think I was going to do one of “these posts.” You know the type — “Oh my gosh, one year later! Golly Gee Willakers, how time has flown! I’d like to thank the Academy…” Blah. Blah. Blah.

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No thank you.

But the more I was thinking about it, I really did want to just push the pause button for a hot sec and reflect on this past year.

When I started this blog, one snowy February night last year, I started writing about a dark time in my life that I was lugging around with me. I don’t think I realized it then, but I really was letting that guilt and shame from the anorexia in my past, taint every part of my life – from how I viewed myself, to my relationships with my family and friends, to my faith, to shopping, to opportunities, to you name it. – Everything was being seen through the filter of shame that I could not let go of.

So I started writing about it.

Hoping that, maaaaaybe one person who was struggling with anorexia or an eating disorder could find hope and healing here. But also, so that parents/loved ones could read a true, no-holds-bard account of what their loved one was going through. What she couldn’t tell them. Everything that I wished my parents would have known during my disease.

 


But what I didn’t realize, was that while I was getting all of that out and truly revisiting parts of my past that I had locked away – the hope and healing I aspired to give, I actually received.

I can honestly say that the girl writing this post today, is a very different girl than the one writing one year ago.

Over the course of the year, I have been able to take that shame from the fact that I suffered from anorexia, and see it for what it truly is: part of my past that does not define me, but rather, has made me strong, and has made me who I am today.


But I have to be honest: I was not the one who was behind the wheel of that change.

Jesus took the shame I had been carrying around, and He transformed it. He made beauty from ashes.

This past year, I learned what recovery really means. It isn’t some 12 step program, or dietary plan, or refraining from ED behaviors. I mean, it is. But…

Recovery is a relationship with Jesus. 

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Recovery is turning to Jesus instead of ED. Finding my worth in my Savior, rather than what the mirror dictates. Recovery is listening to the words of truth that He whispers to me, instead of the lies ED would have me believe.

Recovery is knowing that I do have worth. That I am loved. That I am worth love.

The girl 12 months ago, yes, she believed that…but she didn’t claim it — own it — like the girl before you today.


And I can’t even begin to express the gratitude in my heart to each one of you that has taken the journey with me. Who has offered kind words of encouragement and love.

Thank you for accepting all of me. For validating who I really am — the part that I didn’t show to people out of shame or disgrace. The part that, now, thanks to you and the Big Guy, I no longer have to lug around. I have let it go. Accepted it as my past, learned from it, and moved on.

I know that I am not alone in feeling that there’s something we cannot carry much longer. Everyone has something that they’re bogged down with – whether debt, toxic relationships, addictions in any and all varieties, loss, betrayal, bullying — whatever it is, I hope to be there for you as you have been for me. There is nothing more meaningful than having even one person see you at your most vulnerable, and love you just the same.

You did that for me. And I thank you with everything I have.

I am genuinely excited to see where this next year takes us, together.


Sending so much love.

BBB

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

236 thoughts on “State of the Union”

  4. Great blog and so on point. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and it’s a struggle and I have my tough days and I know that I’m not alone and realize there are so many out there worst off than I am. I am thankful for how God has Blessed me to not be in bad condition and I pray for those that are suffering so much more than I am. Like you I blog about my RA and it’s very therapeutic for me. I prayed to God for an outlet for myself and at the same time to be an inspiration for others and my blog is doing that and for that I thank him daily. Sorry to be so long winded but you are inspiring. Blessing.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks Corrie:) no worries at all! I love listening to your heartfelt insight and perspective. I’m so glad that you’ve embraced His loving arms. You’re so right- we CAN turn to Him in our struggles. What a comfort is that! Thanks again for your continued readership. I love seeing your bright face in my feed! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  5. May the coming year see the lives you touch multiply exponentially.

    Did I tell you that in my workforce development program for the Mission, there is a section in the curriculum that deals with learning from the struggles of others. One part of that section is titled, “Dealing with your own ‘Anorexia'” and guess whose blog will be used to demonstrate how we can turn to God for help in overcoming those things that keep us chained up and unable to move forward?

    You remain my favorite unknown person and are always an inspiration, JD! May God bless you mightily in the year to come.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh Tony, thank you so much! That brings my heart so much joy that you passed this silly little blog along to others:) God is good! So grateful for your friendship, Tony…but then, you know this ☺️ sending so much love and hugs! Keep being an amazing warrior for Christ! Xox

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  6. Happy blogaversairy! This is AWESOME! We don’t give Jesus enough credit sometimes. I could be mad at him for giving me anorexia, but I am thankful because it has made me such a stronger person, as it has for you too. It also brings you so much closer to the Lord, which I love to hear you also did! God is good!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Heartfelt as always BBB. Came across a quote recently that stuck with me, “don’t read books, read yourself”. We’re more use to others if we just read ourselves honestly. You are really good at that. Not many people have this ability, because it can be so terrifying. That’s one reason I think this blog is great.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I praise God for you, dear sister! That you KNOW Jesus Christ as you do, that you submit to Him as you do, that you testify of Him as you do, and that you honor Him and give Him the glory for your recovery as you do! Big, big hug and kisses, dear one!

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  14. Glory to God, beloved!

    This post of yours is an expression of true humbleness and humility because it points to JESUS (you love Him because He first love you, and you are able to love yourself with His love) and that YOUR success is in the LORD — He is our EVERYTHING (healing, wholeness, completeness, identity, loveliness…)!

    Mondo love, fair one 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Praise God!!! AMEN!!! Thank you 🙂

        Reading this, my heart was so full of thanks and praises be to God — Truth is flowing out of you like rivers of living waters! What you are doing here, what you are sharing (the Good News) — there will be many crowns cast at your feet on that day, beloved 🙂

        Support and encouragement you’ve got from me all our days here on earth, blessed friend.

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  19. Congrats on your milestones BBB! I so agree that the beauty in sharing produces healing for not only yourself but others. You have done that and Jesus used you as a very willing and available vessel. I expecting nothing but continued greatness in your writing and beyond in 2016. The right track you are on and I am sure will remain. Blessing my dear beautiful one:-)

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  21. You are an inspiration and I feel blessed to have connected with you. Congratulations on one year blogging and more importantly becoming the woman you are today, having grown and learned during the past 12 months. I wish you continued strength, love and joy as you journey onwards.

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  24. Congratulations! I have spent a large part of the past two days (taking today off work) with a young lady who is just beginning to realize that she is loved for the human being she is – and there are some who have her back. ♥ I really enjoy your blog. I would not be alive if it were not for the Grace of God. He is good to us.

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  25. You are so right; recovery is a relationship with Jesus. One must accept His free gift of salvation, mercy and grace. But in the process one must give all their stuff to Him just as freely and unconditionally as He gave us His love.

    It is wonderful that you have made such progress over one year’s time! Having a strong and lasting faith in Christ is paramount to that progress. I am blessed to have been able to read many of your encouraging posts. I am glad you made that climb to recovery!

    Love & blessings!

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  26. A truly beautiful and insightful post 🙂 Your brief reference to the Academy Awards was perfect since it is this weekend 🙂 I love how delve deeply into the process of recovery and as one progresses, it becomes less like a 12 step program as you explained that it does as a discovery and that discovery is none other than Jesus as you so accurately and articulately describe. I hope this new year is great for you and so far (at least based on my knowledge) things are going fine and let us all hope it stays that way for you 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

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    1. Thank you so much John:) yeah I’m looking forward to watching the oscars. You’re right- recovery has been a walk with Jesus. Getting to know shim and letting Him into my heart. A beautiful thing. I really appreciate your consistent encouragement and support. It means more than you know. Grateful for you, friend. Have a wonderful weekend, and God bless!

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Loved everything I just read. This is the first I have been on your site, but it won’t be the last. The “real” truths that set you free and your passion about being honest and seeing how much God loves you, simply wow! Very refreshing to read what others write when it comes to living our daily lives and knowing we can’t do it without Jesus. Many Blessings to you!

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  29. Thank you for never giving up on yourself. God Bless all that you are now, and all that you conquered and put behind you. You are a wonderful writer, and a wonderful person. Your gift is not only one to yourself, but a gift to all readers who are able to be touched, and lifted up by your projecting light. Keep being you and doing what you do. Hugs!!

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    1. Thank you so much Migueltio:) wow, what a kind thing to say. That really means a lot ☺️☺️ It’s all God. I owe Him everything. Eeeeeeeverything. Thanks for your continued readership. I’m so enjoying getting to know you! Have a great weekend! Hugs to you xox

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  30. Congratulations on your blogiversary. 🙂 – I’ve learned much from you, and your journey. You’ve taught me about acceptance, and about receiving acceptance.

    And you might not even have known that you were teaching while you were doing it.

    So – thank you for your stories, for your encouragement, for your willingness to share your journey..

    But most importantly, thank you for taking us along on that journey with you.

    Take care & God bless,

    Tom

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  31. I am very new to your blog. I started following it because my family struggles with generational ED. I want to help equip my daughter’s with the tools to overcome and hopefully never have to face it themselves. What I have received from your blog reaches far deeper than I was looking.

    Your words, your insight, your brokenness… With these you have spoken truths and brought insight to many struggles that this mama needed to deal with herself.

    I am thankful for your blog, your truth, and leading us right back to Christ. The only answer.

    ((Big Hugs)) and so glad your here!

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    1. Thank you so much 🙂 wow, what a powerful reflection. Thank you for sharing that. It sounds like you’re a great mom. What you’re doing is so smart. God is good and I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers hugs and love to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  32. I am glad you found your refuge to God. And I am glad you are who you need to be right now. I agree, our identity is in Jesus, nothing more and nothing less.
    🙂

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  35. 110% what I needed to read tonight. Thank you for so bravely sharing. I want to find that relationship with Christ again instead of carrying my own stuff. Truly, thank you.

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  37. I love your shot out to Jesus! He must be smiling down on you 🙂 I alway love to stop in and read your inspiring posts. I just love how you speak to the hearts of so many people. It is Christ speaking through you. Thank you for being transparent so that others can be moved and healed through you. Sometimes we may not understand why we go through trials, but when you experience PURE JOY at the end of the journey, God has used you for good. He makes beautiful and good things even from the sad and hurtful parts of our lives. Praise God for your healing, your journey, and for allowing God to use you. Blessings.

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    1. Thank you so much JM 🙂 amen to that! God uses all things for good. Even that painful past. And now it is my job to sing His praises. I owe everything to him. Thanks for stopping by and for your incredibly encouraging words. It means a lot. Hugs and love to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  40. What a testimony of God’s goodness! He surely is great and mighty and His hand is very evident on your life. There is so much more in store for you. Exciting times ahead I believe……!
    God bless
    Rolain

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  41. I think it’s really brave of you to be talking about your struggles, it’s not easy so for that you should be proud. Awareness can only ever be a positive thing and writing has obviously helped you immensely. Really enjoyed this post! Oh, and happy one year! 🙂

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  42. Congratulations on your 100th blog, and on the progress you have made in your recovery. I am a recovering alcoholic (20 years +), and appreciate the way you share your self and your process openly.

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  45. I’ve just known your blog for awhile, but i’ve been very blessed with the words that you put inside of it. Full of genuine and honesty. I rarely sees something like this until now. Keep it going my friend!

    Like

  47. Reblogged this on Church Set Free and commented:
    I have seen a number of these WordPress anniversaries. And I see a lot of reflective “acceptance speeches” in post format.

    And then there is this format …

    “I know that I am not alone in feeling that there’s something we cannot carry much longer. Everyone has something that they’re bogged down with – whether debt, toxic relationships, addictions in any and all varieties, loss, betrayal, bullying — whatever it is, I hope to be there for you as you have been for me. There is nothing more meaningful than having even one person see you at your most vulnerable, and love you just the same.”

    Thank you bbb, the Lord has filled you with as much special stuff as all of us – and to you He has added the gift of making “the special stuff” so very special to share with you! Thank you!

    Like

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